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When you were named the Ultimate Criminal Psychologist you never expected yourself to be on the criminal end of the equation. When you first got into psychology it was an attempt to better understand your own family. Your entire family was just one giant mess that you couldn't wrap your head around. So you started spending time with a local psychologist who was willing to spend the time teaching you how to better analyze and understand people. Looking back, his actions had been entirely rooted in nothing more than simple greed. He wanted to be the one to discover such a wonderfully talented girl such as yourself, to cultivate your talents and put you in his debt. You'd seen through that little act about two months into your 'apprenticeship' and ended up turning tail. That was when you started working on your own. Your favorite thing to do though was to analyze criminals. They weren't like your average person. They all had so many different reasons for doing the kinds of things they did. You loved to pick apart the whys and the hows and everything in between. Eventually, you published your first thesis detailing the minds of specific criminals and how they differed so wildly. Not long after, you got your acceptance letter from Hope's Peak. You were finally away from your wretched family.
Only to be dropped into an equally strange and wretched situation.
Kokichi Oma. He was the one who forced you to admit you weren't as good as Hope's Peak itself had led you to believe. Ultimate or not, you were still learning. And Kokichi brought before you an entirely new psychological pattern that you couldn't start unraveling soon enough. Your first couple conversations with the boy had been annoying, to say the least. No matter the psychology behind the actions, you were a stout believer that a crime was a crime and it was utterly inexcusable. But in that very first conversation with the small purple haired boy he'd drawn many questions that you couldn't completely answer.
"You're completely conditioned to believe whatever the people in power tell you. Sometimes these things are done with good intention, ya know? Of course, that's just a lie," those were the words with which he'd ended your first conversation. At first, you'd been absolutely livid that he could bring up the idea of crime being anything less than terrible. Especially his outrageous and infuriating lies, like a constant and confusing labyrinth you had to power through in every conversation. But the more you thought about it as you returned back to your own class the more you realized you weren't being a very good psychologist. This boy from the other class, he'd offered you the opportunity of a lifetime. To really get inside the head of a Robinhood type character. Maybe if you could figure out why he thought the way he did, you could do a better job ensuring that no one else turned to a life of crime! So the next day you returned to the spot where you first met him and started a conversation. You did the same thing the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that until it had become something a routine and in your constant cat and mouse like games you were starting to become more confused as to who was holding each role.
Perhaps it was more like a pair of cats chasing each other's tails, neither one wanting to admit that they might be wrong but both still holding valid points the other wouldn't address.
Somewhere in all of this, the little brat of a child you'd started out hating had become something of a friend. As much as the idea made you sick. He reminded you too much of your mother. Always telling lie after lie in order to get her way. You almost shivered at the thought. You hadn't mentioned that to Kokichi of course. You wondered if maybe that was the reason he'd get so upset at you sometimes. Despite having the courage to call him a friend now, your clashing ideologies caused fights. A lot of them. He called you overly righteous, sitting on a high horse, and you would call him a no good gutter child who didn't know a thing about you. And then he'd tell you that if he didn't know anything, you should just tell him. After which you'd choke and recoil from the conversation. He'd always take it as a win in his book.
The more you talked to him though, the more you started to wonder if he was right. If maybe, just maybe, you were the one who was wrong. You'd gotten so used to knowing how everyone ticked, knowing why criminals did what they did, you forgot just how little the sample size you were raised on actually was. The small town you grew up in, all the criminals there were scarily the same. Big cartoon villains who would snap up little girls like you for dinner if you got to close. But that wasn't Kokichi. The mischevious boy with mysterious eyes, he wasn't like that.
You could see the kindness and the warmth in his gaze whenever you decided to talk about something other than psychology. He'd try so badly to hide it too, but you could see hints of it here and there. Possibly a little broken, damaged by time and years, but still a brilliant glimmer of hopeful warmth that dragged you further down this hole you'd started digging. The mystery that was Kokichi Oma seemed so simple, and yet you couldn't begin to unravel it without standing on his side of the fence. So you decided that one night you would.
Possibly a stupid decision, but you'd made worse. Trusting your family had been one of them.
"You really should join D.I.C.E!" The boy in question was droning while your heart sounded in your ears like the pounding of a drum. You were sitting in your normal spot, the fifth and highest floor in the building just tucked neatly into a little platform at the top of the stairwell. A spot no one would bother you in. Few ever went to the area and fewer still took any notice of 'your spot' as it had been dubbed by yourself and Kokichi. You were curled on a windowsill, watching the students outside just living normal lives. Ultimates or not, from so far up everyone just seemed so normal. High schoolers trying to survive the roughest years of their life. Kokichi, on the other hand, sat on the ground just below you. If you wanted you could reach out and tangle your hands up in those purple locks. It wasn't the first time you'd wondered how soft they were, but you caught yourself before the daydreams could go any farther. When his voice became so relaxing, his presence so welcomed, you weren't certain. Part of it still scared you. That you'd let this little criminal so close to you when he had yet to do the same. Of course, you didn't make it seem like you had. You kept the same distance or at least made it seem like you did. "Even if it's only on a trial basis. Just a single night. Maybe the little miss perfect and righteous would finally be able to understand this misfit criminal just a little better," the Supreme Leader gloated with a laugh, as though he doubted you'd even contemplate the idea. To be fair, earlier on in this relationship you'd made it bluntly clear you'd never contemplate the idea. Oh, how wrong you were.
You gave it a pause before you said anything back to him, letting him think he'd get the same sigh and flat no as always. "Perhaps I will if you think it's wise," you muse.
"Wait, what?" You feel a little burst of pride as you seem to take your fellow Ultimate off guard for a moment. He turns to look up at you, searching for any trace of a lie without finding it. You wonder if he's just in so much disbelief he had to double check. Usually, he can hear a lie from your voice alone. You don't lie often, but when you do he usually gives you shit. The lies you told were usually just in regards to how you were feeling that certain day, but he'd usually sneer and glare a little before making sure your conversation for the day was extra unpleasant. You were starting to understand why though. You'd continually rejected the idea that some lies could be said in kindness, while a large part of Kokichi himself was lies. It was part of his character. You didn't realize it at first, but by rejecting lies ever possibly being a good thing, you'd been rejecting Kokichi himself. He hadn't brought up the idea recently, but if he did, you'd likely find yourself agreeing with him. And that thought scared you. It reminded you of being a child and it made you for split seconds scared of Kokichi who could wave lies so well you just might forget who you were. But Kokichi... he wasn't the same as her. So to better understand, maybe you could try looking past yourself.
"Yeah, just as a trial for one night. You said it yourself. It's just so that I can better understand you," you say as the boy goes silent for a long moment.
"In that case, meet me outside of my dorm room at about 9 tonight. That should be late enough," he says. Despite not really expecting you to say yes it seemed he planned just in case. Maybe a small part of him wanted you to say yes? Or maybe he was just really good at coming up with things on the fly.
"Standing outside a boy's room at 9? Oh my, how scandalous," you laugh jokingly. Despite mostly being a paragon of justice, you weren't above the mischievousness of the common 18-year-old.
"Nishishi, you know it. Just watch, I'll sweep you off your feet tonight. You won't be able to get enough of me. You'll be forced to become my princess after that! Of course, that's just a lie. I really can't stand you. I wouldn't want someone like you for a princess," the second half of his words come out harsh but you carefully try to pick through them despite the slight stinging in your chest. His words shouldn't bother you that much, but for some reason they do and you find it hard to try and focus on which half is the lie and which half is the truth. Is he actually admitting a fondness for you or is he admitting that he really hates your guts? With Kokichi, you can't tell. But the idea that he might actually want you for a princess makes your heart suddenly speed up without warning. It's only your second reaction that's disgust, and you yourself can tell that it's faked for nothing more than show if you're being completely honest. Perhaps this is the moment you really fully realize just how far you've dug yourself into this hole. You'd gone too far. The only way out now was to just keep digging and hope you find the other side sooner rather than later.
He turned around quickly, standing up and regarding you almost dismissively for a moment. With you sitting in the windowsill, he actually overtook you in height for once. "Or maybe that was a lie," he said as he leaned perhaps just a little too close. His face was inches from yours, you could swear he was watching the way your heart fluttered like desperate hummingbird wings. You had a hatred for cruel eyes, but a weakness for cruel mouths which smirked along with hidden warmth in dark violet eyes. You were lost in that gaze and suddenly you were back in the windowsill as he pulled away with a vulpine grin. "See you tonight, beautiful. Nishishi," he left without another word. You just sat there for a couple of minutes processing before the bell rang and you darted from your seat.
Part of you wished you had the same class as Kokichi, but a much larger part of you was so very glad you didn't. You needed all the time you had to compose yourself before 9, you didn't need him giggling all through the class at you. As the minutes turned to hours and quickly rushed you past you found it more and more difficult not to be swayed by your own terror. You wanted so badly to back out, but your determination kept you firmly against such an idea. That was a cowardly move, and you weren't a coward. As much as you wanted to be one at that moment.
By the time it was 9 you were forcing yourself out of your dorm room door. Standing at the point of no return, you walked forward into the gaping abyss that seemed to await you. You knew roughly where Kokichi's dorm room was within the building, but the entire time you found your heart seems to bounce around in your chest with equal parts impatience and absolute fear. It was 9, which meant it had yet to turn over officially to nighttime, but it would still be weird enough to see you slinking around outside one of the guy's dorm rooms. Which of course sped up your pace slightly. Your feet made little noise against the floor, you had learned how to accomplish that a long time ago. Your eyes scanned doors until you came upon Kokichi's.
You were only outside of it for a moment before the door itself hesitantly creaked open. The boy blinked a couple times when his gaze landed on you. "Here I was thinking you might just skip out on me. I'm impressed, come on," Kokichi said with what could only be described as a giggle look on his face. The boy was dressed in his usual clothes, which seemed odd to you if he was intent on doing crimes. Bright white? Really? You didn't outwardly question him though as his clothing was of far less concern than the seemingly full duffle bag he had slung across his back. The thing seemed almost ready to burst.
He didn't notice your gaze, or if he did decide to ignore it as was Kokichi standard operating procedures. "Come on, we got to hurry up or else the staff might catch us after it's lights out," he tells you as he starts speed walking down the hall. His footsteps are just as silent as yours, and he seems to take notice of this for a split second as he glances at you and then glances down at your feet before quickly turning his attention elsewhere.
"How are we going to get back in?" You ask with an irritated sigh. It's mostly for show since your dominant emotion right now would have had your voice shaking. You try to maintain some semblance of control, some elegance in the face of total fear. After learning more about psychology you realized this was one of your own coping mechanisms when you felt like you had no control in a situation. Which you suppose spoke volumes of how much you actually trusted Kokichi. It made you slightly guilty in your heart of hearts, but he scared you. He truly did. More so, he scared your core beliefs. He stood before you, told you that you were wrong, and you had no answer to use as a refute. His words were true and your own words had been made to be false. And that scared you. Because your sense of justice and understanding of this world was the only way to validate your childhood and all the things that happened in it.
"Hey _ _ _ _, you seem awfully tense," he cooed in a taunting voice. That teasing false sympathy sent you right back to your corner. He so carefully plucked away at your understanding of him and psychology as a whole and then he did one offhand thing that completely justified everything you'd thought up till this point. But looking at his face, he wasn't smirking. It was a smile. A genuine smile though with hints of the mischief you'd come to associate with the existence that was Kokichi Oma. Pausing, you regarded him carefully. Was he taunting you? Or was he trying to tease you so that you'd focus on that and relax? You noticed in yourself how his words had evoked something familiar and hence your discomfort had eased slightly for the moment. Was that the intention or a happy side effect? You weren't sure, so instead, you looked down and worried your lip for a moment.
After avoiding a couple security guards the two of you finally made your way out of the building. "Well wasn't that exciting, huh _ _ _ _? Aren't you already having so much fun?" He continued to glance over at you almost like a little kid trying to judge an adult's reaction. You found this to be a bit odd and quickly tried to analyze it as best you could. Perhaps he really was concerned about converting your way of thinking.
"Uhu, yeah, absolutely great. Now, where are we going?" You drawl with the best sarcasm you can possibly speak with at the moment. You cross your arms slightly as you continue just walking once you're outside of the building.
"Patience, patience. We've got a lot of places to go! Nishishi," that trademark giggle was filled with a type of enthusiasm that shot shivers down your spine. Grabbing your hand he broke out into a sprint and you were forced to keep pace with him. Luckily enough that wasn't too hard. You liked to think you were in pretty good shape. Of course, you'd never be as fit as the athletic Ultimates, but you were better than most who didn't share in that string of particular talent. Enough so that keeping up with Kokichi was a small feat.
You two come to stop outside the school garage. Some of the students had vehicles and some students had talents relating to their vehicles, so most who had drivers licenses were allowed to have vehicles on campus. Those who lived in the dorms would often get them as soon as they were old enough for simple fact it was hard leaving campus without one. You had no reason to leave campus so you never got one. Each sort of stall was an individual thing so that keys would be given out to each student and no one would mess with a car that wasn't theirs. As Kokichi pulled out a small key ring you felt curiosity peaking its head past the slurry of other emotions. What kind of car would the Ultimate Supreme Leader drive? You should have know the answer to that would be 'Car? Hah! Who needs a car?' and that the shutter of that garage would be forced upward revealing a motorcycle.
"I suppose you would be the type," the common is out of your lips before you can think too hard about the word being said. Luckily Kokichi seems to take it well.
"Nishishi, but of course. No come on, we've got a long ways to go in just a couple of hours," he said with he pulled a pair of helmets off of a single shelf and handed one to you. You were glad they were just plain helmets lacking in design. Truly a contrast to the bombastic and loud leader. You would have thought there to be some odd design on it. You find this new information to be a relief.
"Wait, I've never been on a motorcycle before! Om-" you're cut off by Kokichi waving his finger like a scolding parent.
"Now, now _ _ _ _. For tonight you're a member of D.I.C.E. That means first names only! Now tell me your problem again, but say it properly," you really can't tell if he's trying to tease you but the skin of your cheeks flushes crimson and he seems to be satisfied as he regards you for a moment, smirking all the while.
"Well, Kokichi. I've never ridden a motorcycle before. Couldn't that be, you know, bad?" You say with a hint of irritation that elicits another giggle.
"Of course not! You aren't going to be driving after all. Just sit behind me and hold on tight," he said as he plopped himself down onto the bike. You watch him for a long time waiting for him to dismiss it as a joke or say he's lying and return you to your room. From there you both forget this ever happened and you forget about Kokichi altogether. But Kokichi makes no move to call his actions a lie and you know that you wouldn't be able to live with something like that. You'd said it before and you'll say it again, you're in too deep.
"Hold on to what exactly?" You ask hesitantly, almost scared to know the answer. His smirk in return isn't very comforting.
"Me of course. Come on, I know you want to. You've been staring at me for so long, I'm sure you're actually just repressing all your feelings for me! Of course, that's a lie, isn't it? We hate each other, don't we? Do you actually think this is going to change anything? Maybe you should just go back to your room," he says. It starts off playful but quickly turns venomous, almost like he's purposefully trying to drive you away. Purposefully trying... A thought quietly clicks together, revelation turns on the lights and you feel like your not looking at Kokichi Oma anymore. You're just looking at Kokichi. And suddenly things make a lot more sense. Steeling your nerves you put on the helmet and trudge towards the bike, pulling yourself on and tightly wrapping your arms around Kokichi's waist.
He tenses up for a moment like he's shocked you're still here, but he recovers quickly enough. "Wow, you must be stupid or something. I thought for sure you would have run away by now! Too late I guess. Be ready for the night of your life!" You tighten your grip around the boy's waist and swallow sharply as he starts the machine and the two of you take off quickly. The air would be whipping at your face if not for the helmet, the likes of which you're grateful to have. You didn't think he'd be the type to be concerned about safety. You thought for certain he'd be one of those boys to not wear a helmet for the aesthetic. But apparently like many things regarding Kokichi, you were wrong. Your eyes close of their own volition as the darkness speeds past you at a dizzying rate. You hadn't been prepared for this encounter at all, so now that you were sitting here you were quietly freaking out now that Kokichi's attention was more focused on the road than on you.
After a while of driving the two of you came to a stop at a red light. "You doing okay back there?" He asked. It was hard to hear through his own helmet but you detected a note of genuine concern.
"Ha, are you kidding, I'm fine!" You lied. You know, like a liar. You hated the way that your voice quivered slightly as you spoke, betraying you instantly. Instead of chewing you out though, Kokichi just laughed. Did you get a pass on lying being that you were a temporary member for the night? "I'm serious!" You cried indignantly as the laughter only got louder. Your voice cracked and made you squeak as you spoke. Not the biggest vote of confidence that you weren't lying. Muttering darkly to yourself you almost fall over when the light turns green and the bike starts again. That howling laughter gets even louder as you squeak once more and grip Kokichi of all people in the world for dear life.
"Okay, I'm lying, get me off this crazy lie," you whimper as the bike speed up and slows down a couple times in a seemingly random order. It seems at this point he's just teasing you. After you admit your terror he seems to drive a little slower and consistently without sharp random turns.
At the next red light, he places one of his hands against yours which are tightly gripping him. "It's okay. I promise I'm going to keep you safe. You came this far tonight of your own accord, I'll do my part and make sure nothing bad happens to you," his voice is quiet but reassuring and the words hit you completely off guard. The gentle warmth that they hold manages to stir up something you really wish wasn't there. It presents itself to you and demands your attention, heating your cheeks and running a not completely uncomfortable shiver up and down your spine.
After another half hour or so Kokichi bring the pair of you to a complete stop, parking and chaining up the motorcycle after the two of you get off of it. "Alright, now where are we," you ask as you glance around an unfamiliar part of the town.
"Don't worry, I know this area really well. We're going to leave the bike here since it's the safest place to leave a bike. The rest of our little journey is going to be on foot," Kokichi tell you as he picks a direction and goes. You sigh heavily as he takes the lead. It's finally dawning on you that the two of you are going to commit a crime. A full on crime. How, oh how, did you ever end up on this side of the exchange? Swallowing hard, you watch the boy in front of you. He seems to walk with a spring in his step as he leads the way, eyes glinting as he looks around from house to house. "No, no, they're home, I don't like the feel of that place, ooo that might be a good one," he says as he sizes up each building. He brings the pair of you to a halt in front of a two-story building. Kokichi, completely unabashed, walks right up to the door and kicks it.
"What the hell are you doing? You're going to wake someone up. We'll get caught!" You begin to panic.
"Don't worry. There are no lights on, so the family must be out. In addition, I can tell that they don't have a security system. So we're going to leave them a little warning. Maybe after this, they'll get one. In fact, you could say we're doing them a favor!" Another strong kick busts open the door and Kokichi bows. "Ladies first."
"So robbing them is doing them a favor? Fine, we'll follow your twisted logic for the night. What are we taking anyway?" You say with a disgruntled huff. You're starting to feel really dirty for even doing this, and Kokichi is by no means helping.
"Taking? Oh! No, no, no. This is your first job, you are a trial member and I don't want to scare you off. We're going to be leaving something," there's a smirk growing on Kokichi's lips as he speaks and you wonder just what exactly the boy menace is thinking in that moment. "A long time ago I broke into a house just because I wanted to kick in the door. I didn't take anything, I just kicked in the front door and then a nearby closet. I always wonder what I did to that poor family psychologically. So whenever I want to kick down a door I make sure I leave something," he says as he beings to open his duffle back. Slapping something down on the nearby counter you stop processing for a moment.
It's large. It's phallic. It's pink. "We're leaving behind a dildo?" Your voice completely lacks emotion due to the fact you have no idea what emotion you should be feeling in this moment.
"Don't worry, it's not used or anything," he says with a shrug as he starts walking back towards the door with this proud stance like his job here is done.
"Jesus Christ I'd hope not," you mutter on your breath.
Kokichi just gives another giggle as he turns to you and drags you outside of the house as quickly as the two of you entered. He leads you down the street at a brisk jog, putting as much distance between the two of you and the crime scene as possible. "Besides. Our organization doesn't hurt individual people."
"What do you mean?" You ask as you try to wrap your brain around the thought. "I thought you told me that you guys stole things."
"Well, yeah, but we only steal things from stores and those things usually tend to be food products and the like. When you grow up poor you don't always have money for 'luxury items' like a can of chips. So what do you do? It's a bit cruel to ask someone to suffer when it would be so easy to shove a small bag into your pocket and give it to them. Don't you think it's a little unethical to deprive someone of 'luxury items' because their boss isn't paying them a living wage let alone enough to buy anything that brings joy to life? While we might pull pranks, my organization has rules. We only steal from corporations, not people, and we never steal money. On top of that when we break into houses we have a 'leave something behind' policy like you saw there. Of course, that time was a prank. But it isn't always a prank. Around Chrismas, last year my buddies and I would sneak into houses below the poverty line and leave things like chocolates or cookie tins. It's nice to give the kids some kind of present and it leaves them thinking Santa is real for a little while longer," he explains in a moment of true honesty and you feel your worldview shifting all that much more. "Anyway, come on, we're not anywhere near done for tonight!"
Quietly you went over what you'd just learned in your head. It seemed this boy was just full of revelations as you came to another new understanding courtesy of the little brat. He was an absolute pain, but you felt you were starting to understand him and where he was coming from. You would have been worried over the fact he seemed to be leading you to a secluded spot if it wasn't for this new understanding. He did promise to keep you safe after all. The desperate flutter of your heart didn't come from fear as much it came from embarrassment as you remembered his hand gently placed against yours, your body pressed against his to keep from falling off the motorcycle.
The bird trapped in your ribcage demanded its freedom as your thoughts lingered even further on the situation. Hey. You were falling in love, weren't you? The thought felt jarring and yet completely natural, as though this understanding was something you were just waiting to trip over. At first, this had started over simple curiosity over the fact someone was telling you that you were essentially wrong. That curiosity turned into a genuine connection to this other person. This strange and opposite yet similar to yourself creature. The cracks in his facade were in the same places as your, thought your acts to hide those cracks were entirely different. Perhaps it was this similarity that first drew you in. You hadn't even realized you were falling until you hit the ground. Now, here you were. Sitting against the cold metaphorical concrete trying to figure out up from down while the brat you'd fallen for likely didn't feel the same. Yeah, he teased, but he teased about and lied about and joked about a lot of things. This wasn't any different.
Glancing towards him, he wouldn't look at you as he continued to lead you all around this unfamiliar stretch of town. The flutter of your chest turned into whipping wings as you regarded him not as an object annoyance but as an annoying object of affection. You tried to will away the rush of blood and the heat on your cheeks. It's only because your cold that your getting flushed, obviously, don't you know basic biology?
You pause a moment.
When did you get so quick to lie?
As a child lying had always been one of those things best avoided. Your mother could read lies so easily because that was her currency. She traded in lies, she knew them well. So intimately familiar with their workings she could read your lies like words on a page and pick them apart like a vulture. Despite doing little more than mimicking her own actions, her punishments were harsh and most typically a mix of physical and verbal assault. You'd rather not go into details, as these thoughts were best left in the past, just thinking about them vaguely was enough to almost summon up tears. You got so good at lying and telling what was a lie by listening to her, yet you refused to lie. You refused to think that lying could ever be a good thing as it only ever brought you grief.
Glancing at Kokichi, you realized you could still read lies so very easily. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew what each lie was and what they meant and perhaps that's why you fell in love with him. The honest truth of the situation was hidden behind his lies because it was so fragile and genuine, he was scared of letting you see it. But you saw it anyway because you knew how to look behind the curtain. Even if you pretended to just be looking at the curtain itself, studying it closer so you could see the intricately woven fabric. Was this what they called character growth?
The two of you have somehow ended up in a park and Kokichi plops himself down on a bench, heaving something of a sigh. You sit down next to him, curious as to why his posture seems to sag for a moment.
"Hey, _ _ _ _. Why do you hate me so much?" You blink a couple times at his question. Picking it apart, you hear the sag in his tone and know it's an honest question. One that's spoken almost in defeat.
"I don't," you answer almost instantly. It takes a larger amount of effort than anticipated to keep the hurt and indignation from leaking into your voice at the mere question.
He glances at you, a wry smile growing on his lips. "Of course you do! Don't you dare lie to me!" His tone turns venomous and it feels like he's shoving you away as hard as possible. You don't know if he's scared you'll see his cracks or if it's maybe he's too scared to look at yours. You're more willing to bet on that first answer knowing Kokichi. He has no trouble picking someone else apart but get a little too close to his weak spots and he'll start spitting flame. "I'm a lair, and a criminal, everything you hate in a person!"
"That's not true," you admit hesitantly, voice sagging slightly. Kokichi takes this as a sign your lying instead of being internally torn and continues his offense.
"Oh yeah? Really? So all that righteous goody two shoes act you always put on is just a lie? You know, you're a pretty cool person to spend time with if you aren't trying to psychoanalyze every little aspect of the people around you. But you know what? It doesn't seem like you have an off button! You've just been judging me this entire time, haven't you? I bet you're really just thinking about how much you wish you hadn't come out tonight and how much you're right even though you don't know a damn thing about what it's like to be on this side of the conversation. I've been trying to show you and all you do is sit there and judge," he spat. The words felt like daggers ripping at your flesh, each and every one of them.
"That's not true!" Your words come out both louder and harsher than you intend, but your conviction buys you a moment of silence from Kokichi whose expression turns unreadable for a moment. "Yeah, I do psychoanalyze people all the time. I can't turn that off. Do you know why? Because I can't understand people, I just can't understand why people hurt each other and lie to each other when never in my entire fucking life has someone told me a lie that's been remotely good. When I was a child my mother would lie to me every day. She'd tell me I was worthless, I'd never amount to anything, she told me that my brother was always better than me and that dad wasn't sleeping with that bimbo two apartments down. She told me that she was doing this for my own good whenever she'd give me a black eye for trying to tell her a lie. She'd pick me apart the same way I pick other people apart, but at least I don't try to attack them and break them down mentally on every level. Maybe from where you're standing I'm not better than her, but at least I'm trying to understand and trying to see from your point of view. You have no right to tell me that all I'm doing is justifying my own opinion when they opinion did a 180 before you decided to yell at me over something 'you don't know a damn thing about' as you so eloquently put it!" Years of hate and pain seep through your words as you stand up, picking a direction and walking.
"Hey! Where are you going?" Kokichi's voice is a distressing mix of emotion. Confusion, anger, sorrow. It all seeps into his voice while his shock temporarily knocks off his mask.
"I don't know! Away from you," you say without turning back. You hear footsteps running towards you and a hand wraps tightly around your wrist. You try to tug away from his grip, but it's stronger than you would have expected. The two of you stay standing there for a long while, neither backing down.
Finally, a small series of words whispered hesitantly catch your attention. "Is that true?"
"Of course it's true. Didn't I just say I avoid lying because that demon of a woman would make me regret it? You think I could have so easily shaken the habit in a single night? I only ever lie about my emotions since the fewer people know the better," you tell him, not having the courage to face him.
"And about trying to understand me? What I'm doing?" His words are even more hesitant now like he's worried your new assessment will be worse than the last.
"I... understand why you do what you do. I have no complaints and you were right. Lies can occasionally be good as long as it's not terrible people wielding them. But for 18 years the only people I knew who lied to me were terrible people. People who wanted me complacent or loyal or terrified. People who could have cared less if their lies hurt or were doing good. People I still have nightmares about to this very day. I couldn't understand because there was no example of your point. Until you came along and decided to be your own example. Maybe crimes aren't always good, but I at least understand how in your case they can be. How in... our case they can be," you're scared to admit the words out loud, like saying them will break some kind of spell that's been keeping years of bad memories under lock and chain. Like admitting it will excuse the way your family acted towards you for so long. But it doesn't. You still know what they did it wrong. You're just a little more comfortable now admitting that the things Kokichi does might just be right.
The purple haired boy has no response to any of this so it seems. You wish this could have got better, but it seems that everything has gone down in flames. You don't think he believed you, you're fairly certain he still hates you. You're fairly certain when you go to your regular spot tomorrow, he won't be there. This is the first and last time you'll ever see the real Kokichi. "Maybe we should just go home," you whisper as you gently slip your wrist out from his grip. You hate how weak your voice sounds, how it sounds like you could start crying at any moment. Kokichi frowns but doesn't say anything and the two of you walk in silence once more. This time it's overbearing, you want to push all the thoughts out of your head and forget tonight ever happened. But you know you won't be able to, you never will. Just add another strike to your record, relationship ruined before they could even begin because of some stupid reason out of your control.
The minutes of silence passed before a voice finally broke it. "I'm sorry," it was whispered so quietly and unsure that for a moment you thought it might have been a ghost or the whispering of the wind itself. You stopped completely and turned towards Kokichi.
"What?" You say, not entirely believing your ears.
"I'm... sorry. We were both being judgemental," he says quietly. This fragile honestly that he's extending towards you, you can practically see the way that it shivers delicately and whimpers under your gaze despite the boy in question trying to appear as lackadaisical and careless as always.
You blink a couple times. "It's okay. I forgive you as long as you're able to also forgive me. After all, it's not like I'm entirely unfond of you" you tell him and for me a moment he just looks at you, blinking a few times. You last words are something a disgruntled whisper and you wonder if he actually catches them. You wonder if he catches the way your eyes dance away from his gaze with all the hesitance of a first love. Without warning a giant smile is on his face.
"In that case come on!" Her instantly grabs your wrist and drags you an entirely different direction.
"Wait, Kokichi! Where are we going now?" You squeak in surprise as you're once again being dragged by the menace of a man. This time the contact sends shivers through you. There's something different in the way that he's holding your wrist and you wonder if it's because the disappearance of an unspoken wall the two of you had taken a sledgehammer to. There's a lack of hesitance in the way that he grabs you, a kind of hesitance you didn't so much as realize was originally there.
"Just go with it!" He says, letting go of your wrist and sprinting as fast as he can. He knows you can keep up, but it feels like he's trying to make you chase him. And you know what? You do. You run after him with a disgruntled noise. It feels childish, but there's something exhilarating and not to mention comforting about running through a dark park at what can only be by now midnight. You aren't sure how long you've been wandering around but surely it's some late hour by now. You how no clue how you're going to sneak back into your room and you have classes early the next morning. But you find yourself unable to care as a laugh manages to bubble out of your chest when Kokichi nearly trips over the rouge root of a nearby tree.
"Aww man, I thought you were gonna face plant!" You crow with laughter as the Supreme Leader regains his footing and keeps running.
"You wish! A little malicious there, aren't we?" He says but he returns your laughter none the less. You're just starting to run out of energy and breath when Kokichi comes to stop. You don't know where you've followed him too but it's quiet and it's calm here. You're still in the park, but it's a less developed part of the park. There are no benches, just trees and stars. "Hey, it's pretty isn't it," he says as he looks up. "When I was little, I grew up in a family that sounds like it wasn't much different than yours. Whenever things got rough I would always crawl up to the roof and sit there in order to watch the stars. I still do that whenever things get to be too much. The reason I love D.I.C.E. so much is because they've become the family I didn't really have. I really do think they would have loved to meet you," he says. "Ah, but that might just be a lie. My organization has too many members for all of them to love you!" This lie feels weaker than the rest somehow. Almost like it's a defense mechanism. You can almost hear the panic like he's worried he's being honest too much. You wonder if maybe that's exactly what his lies are for him. A defense mechanism to protect himself against those who are too blind to look a little deeper into those lies. You wonder if your righteous honor is similar in that regard.
"Of course they'd all love me, I'm amazing. Besides. Their amazing supreme leader is the one who picked me out to be a trail member! By why are we out here?" You take on something of a teasing tone until your question.
"To do one last crime before the night ends of course!" He says in a confident tone, but you can see the slightest fidget of his hands. You never realized it before but there are a couple tells to when he's lying, when he's serious, and when he's nervous. You watch him carefully, trying to pick apart what he could possibly be nervous about.
"What kind of crime are we going to do in the middle of a park at midnight?" You roll your eyes while still trying to decipher his actual intention. He pouts slightly, making a fake show of disappointment that you haven't figured it out yet.
"Not we, I. And I'm going to perform the most spectacular crime of all. One that'll surely impress you and make you want to join D.I.C.E for real. I'm gonna steal your heart~" He walks real close, leaning in slightly as he speaks. Violet eyes bear into yours and your scared the fluttering in your chest might full on break out of your rib cage. Words get lost in your throat while you try and formulate an answer, try and read his actual thoughts and emotions. His eyes stay fixed on yours which is a good thing, otherwise, he might notice the way your hands are shaking. What does he see, looking so deeply into your own gaze?
"Ah, but that's a lie, isn't it? I wouldn't ever want to steal your heart. If you ever even wanted to join my organization I'd turn you down, or maybe make you into a throwaway lackey. You'd make a good grunt, wouldn't you! Or maybe my lie is the lie. Nah, of course, it isn't!" He laughs loudly as he starts to move farther away from you. You could see it in his gaze, he was trying to chicken out! You'd be damned if he hadn't been honest the first time, you could see it! Coward!
"Oh yes it was!" You accuse as you take a step towards him, filling the distance that he'd attempted to put between the two of you.
"Lie, truth, doesn't much now does it? Stealing your heart? Talk about an impossible job," he sighs and fakes a pathetic look.
"Yeah? That's because you can't steal something one of a kind twice!" You tell him with a huff. You wait a moment to try and see if the realization will sink in naturally on its own. Kokichi's expression is blank for a couple of moments before he blinks twice.
"Wait..." He says slowly while he quietly works out the information you've dropped on his head. You don't let him finish thinking through it, quickly moving forward and pressing your lips against his. If you were to be completely and fully honest with yourself, it was something you'd wanted to do since this night started. You quickly weaved on of your shaking hands into his, realizing that his were shaking just as badly as your own. It took him a second but eventually, the smaller purple haired boy began to kiss you back. You eventually pulled back, trying to catch your breath, but he took control of the situation and pressed his lips against yours once more. After another long moment, the two of you pulled apart and just looked at one another for a long time.
You were frazzled and at a loss for words, your lips tingling and your ears ringing. But you didn't feel like you needed any words. Kokichi didn't seem to need any words to get his thoughts across either. He didn't let go of your hand, gripping it tightly but gently like he was holding onto something fragile and precious that could slip out of his fingers at any moment. His gaze was awed but you only had a couple second to revel in the fact you'd rendered Kokichi absolutely speechless. It only took a second for his trademark shit-eating grin to claim his features, except this time it seemed wider. If he were smiling any bigger you might be scared his face would rip in half. You didn't realize until your cheeks started to hurt that your own grin was just as large.
"Wow _ _ _ _, I had no idea you liked me so much. Now you have to join D.I.C.E. and be my princess! No, actually, I feel like a queen would be a better fitting title. Yeah, queen! Be my queen _ _ _ _!" He said in a rushed voice. It was teasing and very much Kokichi, but you could hear the genuine offer in his voice.
"If you're asking me to be your girlfriend, I suppose I could agree. Buuuut, we have to do this again next weekend. And I want to meet the organization I'll be helping rule over!" You say with a smirk. Kokichi's eyes seem to light up.
"Oh absolutely! They should be coming to this area to visit soon, we'll all have to do something! Maybe steal a pizza?" His eyes glint with the same mischievousness you've grown terribly fond of. "Oh, but _ _ _ _. It's going to be 2 or 3 in the morning by the time we get back to school. Why don't you sneak back into my dorm room with me and skip today?" That glint turns into full mischieve as your skin starts to burn. It's easy to tell what he's trying to imply with his offer, and you don't find yourself wanting to back away from such an offer.
"Ah, you little devil. We'll see," you smirk as you reply. You're rewarded for your bravery with a splattering of crimson on Kokichi's cheeks for once. "What's wrong, weren't expecting that kind of answer?" Your grin continues to grow and he matches it easily.
"Oh no, not at all. How I've already ruined my Queen's innocence is beyond me! I suppose we can just go ahead and ruin all of it tonight," his laughter is melodious to you. It's not his typical giggle of Nishishi, instead, it's a genuine happy laugh that makes your heart twist. This relationship was going to be a confusing mess. You didn't know how healthy relationships worked and honestly you were still a little scared of getting hurt, but you knew that it was Kokichi. For a liar, he was trustworthy and you knew that it was okay to put your heart in his hands. For now, you'd stop worrying about the fear of tomorrow and focus on enjoying the rest of tonight as the purple haired menace led you back towards whenever you'd left his motorcycle, laughter on his breath all the way there.