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The sound of wings filled the bunker library. Dean shot up out of his seat, relieved that he had finally patched through to Cas. He had been trying to reach you for almost two days with no luck, which was very out of character for you. You were usually right in the middle of whatever case they were working on, cracking jokes and livening up the room. But, lately, you barely left your bedroom, locking the brothers out and making absolutely no noise.
“Dude, she won’t pick up her phone. I’ve called her so much, I filled up her voicemail. She won’t open the door when either of us knock. I dunno, Cas. Something’s up.” Dean’s voice was wrought with concern. You were the little sister he never had and he would do anything to make sure you were okay. “I even tried breaking down the door, but it’s reinforced. She just won’t answer.”
Cas stared at the older Winchester, struggling to hide the panic bubbling up in him. There had to be something seriously wrong for you to not answer a door while Dean was trying to kick it in.
“Maybe you can talk to her, man. Maybe she will answer to you,” Sam chimed in. “She always seems to respond to you.”
Cas nodded. Sam was right; you opened up to angel far more often than the brothers, even though you had known the brothers for years. Cas was a comforting presence, always sincere and not judgmental. He just… listened.
“When did all of this start?” Cas asked seriously. “Was there a single event that set this off?”
Dean shook his head. “That’s the thing, it was all of a sudden. She started locking herself in her room about a week ago, coming out every once in a while for a bagel or some tea. For the last two days, I haven’t seen her at all. We’re worried, man. She hasn’t eaten. The last thing I heard from there was the toilet in her bathroom flushing, but that was over four hours ago.” Dean glanced at his brother. “I’m afraid of going in there and finding her… you know.”
Cas’s heart stung at Dean’s words. His worst nightmare was seeing you die. He knew that there would be a day that he would have to say goodbye, but not for at least four or five decades, hopefully more. You were too young, too full of life. And you meant way too much to him.
Cas sighed deeply, then nodded at the brothers. “I’ll see if she will let me in.” And with that, he turned towards the hall.
Cas stood in front of your bedroom door and mentally prepared himself for every possible outcome. Then, with every a deep breath, he knocked on your door. Silence. His brow furrowed as he knocked three more times against the warped, steel enforced wood, hearing nothing in response.
“Y/N, are you in there?” His voice was calm and sweet in an attempt to ease any tension. “Y/N, Sam and Dean are very worried about you. May I come in?” Again, there was no answer.
Cas’s mind began to race as he filled with worry. It wasn’t like you to be so mysterious, so reclusive. Grabbing the door handle, Cas tapped into his grace in an attempt to unlock it from the outside.
Click.
The door handle turned with ease, allowing him to enter the dimly lit room. Cas’s eyes immediately fixed on your bed where you were laying, facing away from the door. The wire from your headphones curled around your arm and down over your front. “Y/N?” Cas called into the silence. His eyes widened slightly with alarm when you didn’t answer. “Y/N, can you hear me?” As the angel approached, he could hear the faint hum of music coming from your headphones.
Cas forced himself to believe that was the reason why you weren’t responding as he slowly lowered himself on the edge of your bed and placed a hand on your arm.
You shot up, causing Cas to jump back. “Jesus, Cas! You scared the shit out of me!” you reprimanded. You relaxed, allowing the adrenaline to slowly ease from your veins. “How the hell did you get in here? I locked the door.” Your tone was harsh.
Cas winced at your words. “I unlocked it,” he answered plainly.
“Right, angel,” you answered your own question as you rolled your eyes. “Now, what do you want?”
Cas held back tears as your words stung him. “I—I just wanted to make sure you are okay. Sam and Dean, they’re worried about you.”
You rolled your eyes again. “It’s nothing, Cas. It’s nobody’s business.”
Cas tilted his head. “That was a contradiction.”
You snapped your eyes shut, also fighting back tears. Why the hell did he have to be so damn nosy? Fine. You rolled over in bed to face the angel, leaning your head back onto your pillow as you peered up at him through glassy eyes. “I—“ You swallowed hard as you built up the courage to open up. “I can’t help but think about those we couldn’t save. You don’t know how many times I’ve asked myself whether I could have done something different, whether I could have saved one more instead of watching so many innocents die.” You squeezed your eyes shut, finally releasing the tears you had been holding back.
Cas’s expression changed from concern to sadness. He felt for you, you could see it. He too wondered about the ones who could have been saved, but it was easy for him to let it go.
“Y/N, if you let that eat at you, it will swallow you whole. Sure, there are some people who could have been saved had the circumstances been different, but they weren’t. There’s no going back now.” Cas gently cupped your cheek with his hand. “Think about how many you have saved.”
He was right, the number was far bigger. “At lease several hundred individually, and the entire world, twice.”
Cas wiped a tear with his thumb, still sensing a deeper sadness within you. “Something else is bothering you, isn’t it?”
Shit. Damn angels and their hypersensitivity to feelings. It was funny that they could sense feelings so well, but had the hardest time expressing them.
You turned your face towards you pillow. “I just feel so alone.”
Cas tilted his head again, this time in the other direction. “Alone? How is that? Sam and Dean are always around. And I’m here when I can be.”
You shook your head against the soft pillow, allowing it to absorb the tears that were now streaming down. “No, Cas, that’s not what I mean. I crave closeness, contact, intimacy, love.” Now he was starting to understand. He nodded slowly as you continued. “I can’t accept the fact that this life will leave me lonely. I will never get married, never have a normal life.”
Cas scooted onto the bed, lying down beside you as propping himself up on his elbow. He softly caressed your cheek with his other hand. “You’re afraid that you’ll never be loved?” Cas’s expression darkened as his heart ached for you. “Y/N, you have plenty of people who love you. Dean and Sam love you like a sister—“
“That’s not what I mean Cas,” you interrupted.
“I know, please let me finish.” Cas cleared his throat. “Sam and Dean love you like a sister,” he repeated, “and I love you very much.”
Your stomach flipped at his words. “Like a sister?” you inquired, hoping you were wrong.
Cas shook his head, causing your heart to jump. “No, Y/N. I have loved you deeply for a long time. I didn’t have the words or the courage to say something, until now.”
He leaned his face closer to yours as you struggled to process his words. You felt the same way about the ridiculous, awkward angel. Every time he was near you, you heart skipped. You were like a character in one of those cheesy romantic comedies, swooning whenever he moved.
But now that this was all out in the open, you had no clue what to do next.
You stared up at those blue eyes, at a total loss for words. Several moments of silence passed by as you stared into each other’s eyes, waiting for one of you to take the next step.
Your breath caught as Cas lowered his lips to yours. He moved slowly, your lips gliding in sync as he pulled you closer. Then, he gently pulled away and smiled. “You aren’t alone, Y/N. You don’t need to be afraid of that.”
“Thank you, Cas. I love you too.”
You stared at each other for a few moments, encased in a cloud of mushy love before Cas broke the silence. “Y/N, you should come out and eat something. I know how often you humans require food, and Dean mentioned he hadn’t seen you in almost two days.”
He was right, it had been too long since you had eaten. You were starved. Nodding in agreement, you took Cas’s hand and lifted yourself from bed. You weren’t quite ready to face the Winchesters, especially since they would undoubtedly have millions of questions.
But one thing was for certain, now. You wouldn’t have to face them alone.