Chapter Text
Castiel sighs as he stares down at her, his arms hanging by his sides limply. H can’t help but notice how peaceful she looks in the moment. The scratches on her cheek from the hunt earlier were already healed- he’d made sure of that earlier. his breath catches as she sighs softly, rolling over in her sleep. He cocks his head to the side as he studies her, his lips parting. Castiel- in a momentary trance, reaches out to y/n, brushing a strand of her hair out of her face. As he does, Castiel strokes her cheek with the back of his hand. He pulls away suddenly as she stirs, his heart stopping as she rolls over once more, leaving her back towards him. He lets out a soft sigh and walks away, confused at his own actions. He tries to wrap his head around the possible reasons for why he’s done that, but he couldn’t think of any.
He cared for her deeply and would do anything to protect y/n- just like he would for her brothers. Still, he’d never felt the need to be near Sam; to hold him. He’d never stepped protectively in from of Dean when the only threat was another man. He hadn’t felt the need to put his arms around them and hold them tight. None of them, except y/n.
Castiel stares at y/n and blinks slowly.
He’d never felt the need to be around anyone as much as her. The feeling had slowly consumed him, persuading him to spend every possible second with her, watching over her, protecting her.
So, Castiel stays there, thinking about what could make him act this way for hours. He only moves from his spot when y/n wakes up, letting out a small yelp before telling him to leave her room. Castiel vanishes without a word, reappearing to the hall just outside her door. She’d told him to go to the kitchen, but the thought of being that far away pained him.
When y/n leaves her room, she sees Castiel staring at the wall with his head titled in concentration. She can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking about as she walks past him. He immediately turns and follows after her, his blue eyes piercing into the back of her head as she moves forward. Y/n closes her e/c eyes, trying to calm herself as she moves into the empty kitchen.
Huh, Sam and Dean must still be asleep. They’re usually up by now…
“Yes, they are still asleep.” Castiel’s voice startles her; he hadn’t said a word to her since she woke up. “But there’s no need to be alarmed.”
“Hey! Don’t read my mind- stay out of my head.” She grumbles. Regret instantly fills her when his blue eyes fill with sadness. She grunts and closes her eyes. “Sam and Dean have explained this to you Castiel. It’s rude.” He tilts his head and the sadness is replaced with confusion.
“But,” he stops himself, instead nodding. “I’m sorry y/n.”
She sighs, moving to the fridge. Castiel’s chest bumps into her back as he follows her, accidentally moving too close. He backs up wordlessly, only enough to no longer be touching her.
Something snaps in y/n, and she whirls around, startling Castiel as her eyes narrow. “You don’t have to follow me everywhere,” she says coolly.
Castiel flinches slightly. “Y/n, I-”
“I don’t need to be protected at all times.” Her voice stays even and cold, and as Castiel stares at her, he wishes she’d yell. Her calm voice doesn’t match her angry expression, and it confuses Castiel. He opts to stare at the ground instead. As y/n tries to collect herself, Dean and Sam appear in the kitchen.
They walk in cautiously, the commotion waking them up.
“I’m sorry,” Castiel repeats and looks away. “I didn’t know you felt this way.” Before Dean can ask what’s going on, Castiel turns from her and flickers out of sight.
Dean raises his eyebrows. “So, what was all that about?” He pats y/n’s head and ruffles her hair before sitting down.
“Castiel’s been really protective lately,” she sighs.
He nods and squints in thought. “Yeah, I noticed he’d been hanging around you more. You know what that’s about?” Y/n shrugs, sinking back against the couch.
“I know he’s just protecting me- like you guys do, but…” She closes her eyes.
“Well, kiddo, I love you, don’t get me wrong, but you were sorta harsh on the poor fellow. He doesn’t know much better- although he should.” Dean grumbles slightly, and shakes his head. “But, he has good intentions, there’s no doubting that.” Y/n rolls her eyes slightly, sighing deeply as she closes her eyes once more in concentration.
Dean cocks an eyebrow at her. “Sis? You gonna apologize, or…?” Y/n’s eyes open again, and she meets Dean’s gaze.
“Yeah, yeah. I am, it’s just, he’s no-” her eyes close in concentration once more, and she sighs again. “He isn’t answering me.”
Dean sighs and closes his eyes briefly.
There’s a moment of silence before he opens one eye cautiously, and raises an eyebrow in confusion when Castiel doesn’t appear. He opens his eyes and sighs rather loudly.
“Castiel? Hey, Cas, bud?”
Another moment of silence, and he shrugs and stands up. Before he walks away he pats y/n’s head and walks over to Sam, whose stayed oddly silent in this whole ordeal.
“We’re gonna go get some supplies; groceries…normal people stuff.” Dean sighs and rolls his eyes, being overdramatic. “Sammy insists on it. See ya, sis.”
Sam glances at y/n as he stands up and smiles bitterly. “Sorry, y/n/n. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” He puts his hand on her shoulder briefly before leaving with Dean.
———
Castiel sighs as he stares down at her, his arms hanging limply by his side.
“Y/n, I figured it out. I know why I need to be near you. I do love you, but not Like I love Sam and Dean…I love you, like-like…” Castiel closes his eyes.”Y/n, I do not desire food. I don’t desire drink, sleep…but I desire one thing; dreams.” He opens his eyes, the bright blue deepens as tears pool up in his eyes. “In dreams, I could be near you. Endlessly, with you, spending all my time by your side. In my dreams, we could be together…and that is what I desire. But, I realize now that this…want- this need, is not something that I can have. I have tried my best to win your affections…Sam and Dean told me that when you spend more time with someone, their love for you grows. I thought,” he pauses, and his eyes flutter shut. “I was foolish enough to believe that if I spent time by your side, that you would love me.” His eyes open again, his gaze more intense than it has ever been as he reaches out to her. He brushes a strand of y/n’s hair out of her face and presses his warm palm to her cheek. “There’s nothing more that I want, and I do not understand. I do not understand why this has happened, or when it happened. I do not know how to control it, nor do I want to. Y/n, I think…I think I…” Castiel pulls away as y/n stirs slightly, his eyes widening.
He is gone before y/n’s eyes open, and the first ray of morning seeps through the curtains.