Work Text:
Kyungsoo always saw pastel aesthetics on his phone, always saw positivity radiating from communities. They’re always spouting positive and motivational speeches, but he hated it, despised it even. He thought it was all bullshit. If you think positive, good things will happen to you? Trash. He saw enough of his friends remain positive and happy, but they got nothing in return except for negativity and shit people. They were always getting used and taken advantage of, nobody treated them well. He always believed that thinking positive wa bullshit, nothing is as light or pastel as others make it seem. The world isn’t bright pinks or soft yellows, it’s a thousand shades of grey and black, a negative ball that people try to hide from.
He’s always believed that no matter what you do, think or say, you’ll be handed the same thing, people just look through a tinted glass, they’re brainwashed by society and businesses to think they can change something with hard work and determination. He’s not negative, not a pessimist, he simply sees things for the way they are.
At least…. That’s what he thought he did.
He met Jongin on a weekday, any average, boring weekday, except once they met eyes, it was anything but average. He saw the world in greys and blacks, but Jongin was painted in many hues of honey and pink. In Kyungsoo’s eyes, Jongin mirrored the sun, he made flowers bloom and his laugh mimicked that of a bird in spring. Jongin was comfortable vibes and adorable laughs, he was a light shining through the rain clouds which lived above Kyungsoo’s head.
For once he saw the world in color, in the pretty colors he heard people speak of, he saw the happiness and the hope others did, and maybe he didn’t feel so alone. Maybe he was lonely and he didn't realise it. Jongin showed him that not everyone was hateful and arrogant, he showed him that there was always more to see. Jongin brought Kyungsoo hope, he saved a man who didn’t even know he needed saving.
Kyungsoo lost Jongin on the weekend. There was snow, the was warmth in his coat and in his heart, but Jongin said he couldn’t stay, said that Kyungsoo wasn’t good for him. Kyungsoo learned that losing color is harder than having never seen it. He learned that even if someone is good or perfect for you, you’re not for them. You take and take, but if you don’t give, you’ll lose it all. Kyungsoo learned of heartbreak and he learned of a deeper sorrow than he knew could exist. Even in his absence, Jongin taught him that there’s always more to see. The more you have, the more you can lose and Kyungsoo drowned in the darkness.
The clouds came back and buried him whole. He didn’t know how to save himself, but somehow…. Somehow he knew Jongin was better off without him. He knew that he was Jongin’s cloud, and clouds never compliment the sun, they hide it and bury it. The sun is meant to shine, not to hide...