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“Did you like the aquarium, sweetheart?” Aaron asks as he carries her down the street.
Theodosia Jr. smiles, wide and toothy with all the happiness a four year old should possess. “I loved it! Can we go back soon? Please, please, please?”
Aaron chuckles and kisses her forehead, shifting her a bit so she’s balanced better on his hip. “Sure, honey. Mommy and I will take you back.” He looks over at his wife, flashing her a smile.
Theodosia smiles and reaches out to run a hand through her daughters curls. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, baby.” She leans over and kisses Aaron’s cheek. She turns her attention to the house they’re now standing in the drive-way of. “Now let’s focus on getting inside and making dinner—“
“Aaron!” a voice yells from behind.
Aaron freezes. He knows that voice well. He turns around, praying it isn’t him, but it is.
He’s lost weight, Aaron notes. He’s even scrappier than he was ten years ago. His hair is longer, down to his shoulders, and looks like it wasn’t brushed this morning. The bag under his eyes are more apparent than they were in college. In short, Alexander Hamilton looks like a mess. Then again, everyone is a mess at thirty-two.
“Aaron? Who’s this?” Theodosia asks softly.
He passes Theodosia Jr. to his wife. “Go inside. Now.”
Theodosia gives him a look, half confused and half alarmed. “Aaron—“
“Please,” he says, the word stressed and weighed down as he tries to convey how desperately he needs his wife to not question this.
She seems to understand and nods, taking their daughter and hurrying inside.
“You didn’t need to run them off,” Alexander says.
“What do you want?” Aaron asks, making a point of not looking at Alexander. “It’s been—“ His words are drowned out by emotions, by the stinging pain of years-old wounds that are being ripped back open. “It’s been ten years,” he whispers.
“I know,” Alexander replies.
Aaron can hear it in his voice, can picture the tears welling in Alexander’s eyes. He can’t seem to garner any sympathy for the other man right now.
“I moved on,” Aaron says. “Just like you told me to.”
Alexander sniffles and clears his throat. “I know ,” he all but whispers.
“Married for six years. Our daughter turned four a week ago.”
“Congratulations.”
Aaron sighs. “What do you want? Why did you come here?”
Alexander swallows, braces for whatever anger he could be dredging up with his next statement. “I missed you.”
Aaron’s blood feels like its boiling. “You missed me?” he asks, trying hard not to yell. “You’re the one that turned me away, Alexander. You rejected me!” The tears start falling. “And now you have the audacity to say that you miss me?”
Alexander lets out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I made a mistake.”
Aaron laughs, forced and humorless. “Does it usually take you this long to realize that sort of thing? I wonder how many mistakes you’ll make and die before realizing.”
“Aaron, please,” he says. “I know I deserve the yelling and the anger. I just…..I needed to make sure you were doing alright. I needed to make sure you were happy, and that you knew I only did what I did to ensure that you would be.”
Aaron feels like all the breath has been knocked out of him. He finally looks up at Alexander to see the man has walked closer, now only a yard or so away. His face is blotchy, tears streaming from his eyes, and his bottom lip between his teeth, making indent after indent. It always made Aaron’s heart break to see him cry.
“Alexander, when you rejected me I was a miserable mess for two years. I barely spoke to my friends. I barely went out and did anything. You broke my fucking heart. I felt like my soul was rotting inside of me. I was in love with you, and you just….” More tears fall. Aaron wipes them away and swallows. “You just left. I could barely keep myself together. If Theo hadn’t have come along….”
“I’m sorry,” Alexander repeats. “She’s good for you. She’s right for you. She’s what you need now. I was only ever going to break us in the end, Aaron. Our marriage would’ve been in shambles by now.”
Aaron isn’t sure if he wants to cry or scream or throw up. He resists the urge to yell back at Alexander that he’s an idiot, but that he’s the one Aaron needs.
“Are you that much of a blind, self-hating idiot? I got on one knee and and professed my love for you for the millionth time, and you threw away four years of us because you thought you’d be a shitty husband? Alexander I loved you!” Aaron takes a deep breath, digging his nails into his palms as he looks away again. “I love you,” he corrects softly.
“Whatever we faced as a couple we could’ve gotten through. Together.”
“You can’t know that, Aaron,” Alexander argues.
Aaron groans. “You’re the smartest man I know, and yet you’re such a fucking imbecile sometimes. You know that?”
Alexander looks at him, confused and indignant.
“We spent nearly four years as friends, and exactly four years as boyfriends,” Aaron says. “And in those years, every single time we had a problem, no matter how big or small, we always figured things out. We always had each other’s back. What made you think we couldn’t do that for the rest of our lives?”
Alexander opens his mouth to speak, but gets choked up. Aaron stands there, waiting patiently for his response. When Alexander finally regains his ability to speak, he’s barely audible.
“I thought….Everyone in my life has always…always had conditions. I’ve been loved and left s-so many times.” He sniffles again. “And I….I didn’t want to be there on the day my husband stopped loving me. And now I don’t even have the chance to have you as my husband anymore,” he sobs.
Aaron can feel his heart shattering in his chest. “Darling,” he breathes, pulling Alexander into his arms. “I could never stop loving you.”
Alexander all but collapses against Aaron, subbing into his neck. “I’m sorry,” he mutters over and over. “I’m so sorry.”
Aaron runs his hand through Alexander’s hair soothingly, holding him tight. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s not okay, but it’s okay.”
They stay like that for a few minutes before Alexander clears his throat and pulls back a bit. He lays his hand over Aaron’s heart. “Can I…” he starts, looking scared and unsure. “Can I come home?”
Aaron smiles, a few more tears rolling down his cheeks. He kisses Alexander’s forehead. “Of course. Now come inside with me. I think Theodosia will be thrilled to finally meet you.”
“Finally?”
Aaron blushes. “She knows. It took a year into our relationship, but I told her. She doesn’t mind that I have room in my heart for other people. She knows I’m polyamorous.”
“Oh,” Alexander says softly. “Okay. Let’s go inside then.”
Aaron nods and leads him up the driveway and onto the front porch. Before he pushes the door open, he kisses Alexander’s cheek. “Thank you.”
Alexander raises an eyebrow. “For what?”
“Coming home.”