Chapter Text
"Who's the girl at the bar?" Jafar noted as they walked into the club. "Doesn't she know that's my seat?"
Hook looked up from the floor and was met with the usual crowd – minions, TV villains, and a few of the heavy hitters like himself. Times have always been hard for the villains – the lack of greater merchandise revenue had always put a damper on their income – but at least here in this club they had the solidarity of the miserable. Which is why an outsider drew eyes. True, she was wearing black but her nose didn't go on for an inch or so and she looked younger than 30. Odds where she was a hero; maybe one of those new "hip" heroes the Mouse was supporting. God knows they're still playing the Moana soundtrack on the radio.
"Seems we have a lass in need of a lesson," Hook remarked, "let me do the talking,"
Striding up, he sat in the booth next to her and faced towards her. "You're new here, lass, so I’ll keep this brief; what makes you think you have the right to sit with us?"
Slowly she looked up from her mug of beer, staring heavy in the eyes of the pirate captain. "You ever…ever…" and then she giggled. A glaze hung over her eyes; she was barely able to sit up in her seat. "Hi; I'm Kairi," followed by a mighty belch that filled Hook's nose with a nasty aroma.
"Kairi?" Hook looked over to Jafar, who eyes were wide. He paused for a second, "Wait, wasn't she the friend of that scurvy-"
And then Kairi threw up on him.
_
"Well, it took me a minute to remember, but yes – she's the Seventh Princess of the Heart." Hook came into the room with a new coat. "Question is; why is she in our part of town?"
For her safety and their own reputations, they quickly hustled her out of the Vogue before more eyes could be drawn and relocated to the most sensible place they could imagine; Jafar’s apartment.
"She's still unconscious; maybe we could hold her for ransom?" Jafar suggested. He sat by the bed, Kairi's still form lightly breathing in the sheets.
"I'm not in the mood to fight off the entire hero's roster just for a few dollars more. We'll just make her buy a round to pay for us carting her off safely."
"Good plan," Jafar agreed, "though I don't know if she will feel particularly chatty if she wakes up with two villains by her bedside-"
"Shut-up and close the blinds, you jerks," Kairi murmured, stirring awake long enough to pull the blankets up above her head.
"I don't take orders from a peasant," Jafar replied, "though I do have some demands of my own!"
"No; now is quiet time," and she fortified herself deeper into the blanket.
"Excuse me?!" Jafar put a hand to his chest, wounded.
"She's hungover; give her a break." Hook walked over to close the blinds. With the room dimmed, he walked over to the bed and looked down. "Better?"
"Better," came a muffled sound.
"Good; I'm going to work," and with that he walked out the front door. “We’ll settle this matter later.”
“Wait, this matter isn’t settled! How am I supposed to-” Jafar began to rise, but Hook had already cleared the distance and left the problem of the teenager to his unfortunate companion.
Jafar sighed. "Always a gentleman." He looked at the sleeping form of Kairi, a heavy weight shifting on his shoulders. So this is what Atlas felt? He certainly was more qualified to hold up the world than handle a teenager - a Hero for that matter. He got up himself and left for the bathroom, his footsteps echoing off until they were no more.
Kairi peeked out. Alone, finally. Slowly she crept up and looked around. The two men were loud, but as the alcohol began to pass through his system she began to come to terms with where she was.
The place was packed with literature and empty bottles; an apartment for a bachelor who loved books and wine too much. The air was tinted with overpriced hookah aroma.There was no phone she could use to call for a ride, and so she got up and shuffled over to the sink.
Perhaps some water would help her think. Above the sink she opened the cabinet. To the renter’s credit the glasses were clean. She turned on the tap, poured herself a glass of water and began to sip the holy grail that promise to save her skull from the damnation of a hangover.
She was surprised; she didn't show it but she was awake before they noticed. All her training had told her that waking up surrounded by two villains meant she was kidnapped but now they just didn't care enough to even put in the effort to watch her while she slept. Lazy? Perhaps, but…
Her eyes caught sight of another pair of eyes looking at her from the shadow. A heartless Shadow, with its round head and large, yellow eyes gazing at her curiously.
Jafar heard the crash and the "HI-YAH!" that followed shortly after. “Shit,” he swore, looking up to the Heavens. "Walter Elias Disney... why?"
Running over, he was greeted by the sight of Kairi, keyblade in hand, swinging the aforementioned weapon around in an attempt to squish the hapless Shadow.
"Kairi! Kairi, stop!" he growled, as Kairi took out the table and about 10 books worth more than Mickey's shorts. The little Shadow, frightened, ran to its master and cowered between his legs. Kairi ran up, screaming, when Jafar threw up a force field. Kairi's blow shook the shield, her body quivering from the reflection. Panting hard, she looked upon the sorcerer.
"Don't kill my pet!" Jafar roared.
A flush of red filled her cheeks and she suddenly realized her folly. "Oh…sorry,"
_
Hook was back later that evening, stepping in to see that Jafar was down a table and about 10 books worth more than Mickey's shorts were gone. In their place was a sheepish-looking Kairi, a frightened heartless hiding behind Jafar, and the man himself standing there looking quite peeved.
"She saw Dobbie?"
"She saw Dobbie, and then she tried to killed Dobbie with her oversized key."
Hook sighed; 8-hour shift on patrol followed by this. This is why he didn't like people under the canonical age of 30.
Kairi spoke up, but it was more like a mumble. "I'll cover the losses, and I'll pay for a bottle of wine. For taking me safely home."
"Yes," Hook spoke up, "and you also get to answer for me a question that I've been wanting to know since I left work; what the blazes are you doing getting drunk in a Villain’s club? Because scuttlebutt around the docks says that you're AWOL from all public sightings."
Kairi looked up from the floor. "I…" then she looked back to the floor. "I wanted to…" then she looked up again. "I wanted to try…" then she looked down at the floor, where she looked at her shoe like it held the secrets to the universe.
"You've never drank before, have you?" Hook attempted to fill in the blanks.
"…no," she confessed, "along with many other things. The life of a Hero is…dull."
"Well, now you've seen the other side. Unless you plan to pay rent, you should be getting back to your life or…whatever else your bad-idea-train is taking you."
"Actually…" she slammed her hands on hip and showed the biggest smile, puffing out the chest with as much false confidence as it could store. "Can I hang out with you guys?!”