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The Slat was a warm haven on a brisk Ketterdam evening and as such was packed with the various members of the Dregs all drinking and chatting together, killing time if they had nothing else to do. (Y/N) wished they were all anywhere else but here, the noisy crowd of - for the most part - large, male bodies was grating on her nerves more and more with each passing minute, none more so than three of the men currently sitting with her and Jesper. They just wouldn’t stop boasting about how great they were, arguing over who was stronger, who got more ladies, as if any of them could actually convince a woman to go to bed with them without getting paid.
“I’m going to need another drink if I have to listen to any more of this, you want one?” Jesper groaned as he rose to his feet.
“ Please. ” He smiled sympathetically as he left her in her own personal hell. She hoped she wouldn’t have to be there much longer but who knew? Per Haskell had a habit of making his meetings with Kaz take way too long.
“Hey (Y/N), maybe you can settle this, which one of us wouldya like t’ get with?” Keeg asked.
“Why do you think I’d ever ‘get with’ any of you?” She threw them all a disgusted look before Seeger chimed in.
“Oh c’mon darlin’, y’know you want to, ‘m sure we can do better than Brekker ever could.” He slid closer to her, Keeg and Beatle following suit until they were completely invading her personal space, making her incredibly uncomfortable.
“Yeah,” Beatle gave her lewd smile as he rested a hand on her leg, “don’t you want t’ see what it’s like with a real man?”
“No,” she said through gritted teeth, “now get your hand off me or it’ll end up broken.”
“Ooo, is that a threat sweetheart? I think we all know you don’t have the skills t’ do that.” Seeger ran a dirty finger down the side of her face in a bastardisation of a loving caress that made her want to hurl. “Why don’t you be a good girl and let us show you what you’re missing, it’s all you’re good for anyway, I’d say the only reason Brekker keeps you around, a pretty face to look at while-” he was cut off abruptly as a gloved hand clamped on his shoulder with a bruising grip.
“Finish that sentence and it will be your last.” Kaz’s tone was deadly calm but (Y/N) could see the pure rage in his eyes when she looked up at him. None of the group had noticed him heading towards them after leaving Per Haskell’s office, anger building in him with every step as he clocked the compromised position his girlfriend was in.
“You,” he looked over to Beatle, “get your hand off her if you have any intention of keeping it.” It was a testament to how brutal Kaz’s reputation was that the man instantly did as he was told. He let go of Seeger and offered his hand to (Y/N), pulling her away from the three men. With her safely behind him, he punched one in the stomach, smacked his cane into the kneecaps of another, and brought the end down hard on the top of the other’s foot, all of them shouting out in pain.
“ Never talk to her like that again, in fact don’t ever talk to her, don’t even look at her.” His voice was still calm and icy, the only thing betraying his true emotions being the obvious fury in his eyes. “Get out, now , and if I ever see or hear that sort of thing from you again, you’ll wish you were dead by the time I’m through with you. Understand?” Three glare-accompanied nods were their only response as they all limped to the door through the now near silent crowd.
Kaz paid no mind to the gawking Dregs as he stalked up the stairs to his rooms in the attic, quietly seething while (Y/N) followed close behind. It was obvious their plans to go out tonight were no more. She shut the door softly after entering the room and leaned against it, trying to seem at ease despite how shaken the encounter had left her. A habit she’d picked up from years in the Dregs. She knew she wasn’t the strongest member of gang physically or emotionally so she did everything in her power not to show weakness.
Kaz paced restlessly before her, his hands trembling slightly with rage as he muttered curses under his breath, barely loud enough for her to hear even in the near silent room. She needn’t have bothered hiding how much it had affected her, it seemed.
“...going to kill them...absolute bastards…’m so sorry...vile wretches...make them regret ever...should chop his hand off...cut Seeger’s tongue out…” She could only pick up snippets of his rambling but she could fill in the blanks pretty easily. A few steps brought her in front of him and she placed a slightly shaking hand on his shoulder, effectively stopping his pacing. He looked up from the ground to meet her eyes and let out a long breath as she smiled weakly at him.
“(Y/N), I’m so sorry that happened and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop it. I should’ve been there…”
“It’s okay Kaz, I promise...well actually it’s not okay but I’m okay. You can’t be with me all the time and I knew the kind of people I’d be around when I joined the Dregs, I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner.” She squeezed her eyes shut and sucked in a breath. “I’m not okay with the fact that it happened and it might take me awhile to get over, but I will. It could have been a whole lot worse if it weren’t for you, I’m just happy you turned up when you did.”
A gloved hand brushed over her cheek, wiping away a few tears she hadn’t realised had fallen, and she opened her eyes to gaze up into his. She brought her own hand to his wrist and gently moved his hand so she could press her lips to his fingers, the texture of the leather an ever-strange feeling but one she’d slowly gotten used to. He shivered slightly at the gesture and she smiled against him, exceptionally pleased to be the only one who could get an emotional response from him so easily.
She lowered his hand again as she moved away and pulled him with her towards his bed where they both sat down, leaning against the wall with (Y/N)’s head resting on his shoulder and his arm reflexively sliding around her waist. They stayed silent for several minutes, both sorting through their thoughts and calming down after everything that had happened, the added comfort of each other’s presence helping considerably. Kaz swallowed audibly as one particular comment he’d caught replayed in his mind.
“(Y/N), what Seeger said...about keeping you around, you just being a pretty face, you being...worthless,” he almost gagged on the word, “you know none of that is true right? I mean you’re definitely beautiful but you know you’re more than that. You’re much stronger than you or anyone else gives you credit for and you’re important...to the Dregs and to me...I-we need you. And I don’t just like you because you’re pretty, you really mean a lot to me and I care about you more than I could ever have imagined when you fell into the scattered ashes of my life.”
“It’s alright Kaz, I know.” She smiled softly and reached over to entwine their fingers together, the feel of his glove against her palm now a familiar comfort.
“I’ll make sure Jes or Inej are with you around that lot from now on if I’m not there, you’re too nice, I don’t know how the barrel hasn’t forced that out of you, and I know you prefer not to get violent but we keep company with some of the worst so that’s not always an option. People are less likely to try something with one of them around and they can handle it if they do, they can keep you safe. I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you (Y/N), I love you and if you got hurt I-” he broke off his sentence as he realised what he’d just confessed. His heart sped up as he realised the truth in his words even though it barely surprised him. He still hadn’t meant to say it though and wasn’t entirely sure of what reaction he might get from the girl beside him.
(Y/N)’s smile spread into a full grin once she’d managed to process just what he’d admitted. She’d known her own feelings had reached love for a while now but she’d never expected to hear that Kaz felt just as strongly for her. She turned her head to look into his eyes, the only feature he couldn’t stop from betraying his emotions if you knew how to read them.
“I love you too,” was all she said but it was all that was needed to stop his heart. A rare, pure smile spread across his face and (Y/N) felt the almost irresistible desire to kiss him despite knowing she couldn’t, not yet. Little did she know, he wanted it just as much.
They’d been slowly working through his phobia of skin to skin contact, Kaz now being able to comfortably hold her hand for short periods and not totally panicking at accidental contact. But kissing...that was something else entirely, something neither of them were sure he was ready for yet. He wanted to try though, wanted to so desperately that he refused to let his own issues stop him right then.
“(Y/N), could you do something for me.” She nodded, always willing to do whatever he asked. “Close your eyes and don’t move.” His voice had come out low, raspy, and nervous but she didn’t question the request and complied.
Slowly, carefully, he leaned in, heart pounding more and more frantically the closer he got. His breathing became uneven and he kept his eyes open and locked on her as he worked to calm himself, reminding himself this was okay, this wasn’t anything to be scared of, this was safe. With his breathing back to normal he continued to move closer, every inch feeling like a mile separating his lips from the ones he wanted to feel against them. He’d happily travel a thousand miles for what he knew was waiting at the end.
He stopped with just a millimeter between them and closed his eyes, breathing in the girl before him, focusing on the sensation of being so close, of her breath fanning softly over his face. He gathered himself to close that last bit of distance, his body already alight from just this, he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like when he finally kissed her.
It took just the tiniest tilt of his head for their lips to touch. It was scarcely a kiss, their lips just barely brushing against each other like the ghost of a true kiss, but it was enough to set their heads spinning, a shot of lightning shooting through both their bodies that started where they made contact and lit them up inside like a million stars exploding beneath their skin. It lasted a mere second but it felt like an eternity with how caught up in that moment they’d been.
Pulling away was the most difficult thing either had done but they knew better than to push it with how much just that had affected them. Still they stayed close for a little longer, eyes closed and fingers entwined as they savoured the moment, committing every treasured detail to memory. An elated smile pulled at (Y/N)’s still tingling lips and greeted Kaz as he finally managed to prise his eyes open. He took one of his gloved hands from (Y/N)’s and brought it up to push a strand of hair back before trailing it down to cup her face and gently brush his thumb over her cheek. A shiver shot down her spine and she opened her eyes to look into his, love shining in both their gazes.
“You’re so amazing,” he whispered, not wanting to shatter the moment by being louder, “I wish I could do more, you deserve more.”
“I don’t want ‘more’, I want you.” She turned her face and kissed his palm, never breaking eye contact. “And if that means I have to wait then so be it. I’d wait forever for you Kaz, longer if that’s what it took.”
“I love you,” he choked out through the wave of emotion which suddenly hit him.
“I love you too.”