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Paula took a deep breath as she walked down the cobbles that had once felt so familiar to her, so blissful. She gave a wanly smile as she reminisced over all the days she had walked hand in hand with her girlfriend, Sophie Webster, down this street. A bitter-sweet taste entered her mouth as she remembered how things used to be before Sally’s trial became so complicated and had ultimately driven a wedge between them.
She stopped slightly as she approached Speed Daal, knowing that Sophie’s shift would be over soon. She regained her composure before beginning to walk into the restaurant.
Inside, Sophie was grabbing her coat after an exhausting day at work. All day, she had been unable to shake her mum from her mind. Constantly wondering if she was coping in prison. On top of that, she had been unable to get hold of Paula since the trial – days were turning into weeks. She didn’t blame Paula, though. Sophie knew she had been a complete idiot.
Yasmeen had told her she was welcome to take as much time as she needed, but Sophie had insisted that her time was better spent doing work, rather than sitting by the phone waiting for her girlfriend to return her calls. That would have only made her feel worse.
As she turned to leave, she was greeted by the older woman who was making her way down the stairs. The older woman looked exhausted, she was dressed much casually than she usually does, with all her jewellery removed. Sophie could see the stress she and her family had put the older woman through and she hated herself for it.
“Hey” Sophie smiled weakly. Cautiously, she made her way to Paula, “this is a nice surprise. Is everything okay?” The younger woman internally kicked herself for this comment. Of course it isn’t okay. It hasn’t been okay for weeks.
Paula, doing her best to avoid eye contact with the younger woman stood in front of her, simply replied, “not really. I think we need to talk.”
“Right…” Sophie replied, her voice shaking slightly, “well, there’s nobody in at mine, so…” She gestured at the other woman to follow her up the stairs.
The two women walked silently across the famous cobbles, neither of them sure what to say. It was a horrible contrast to how the pair had so contentedly walked down the cobbles, just months before. Sophie knew things hadn’t been great between them recently and had hoped they would get passed it eventually. But now, walking wordlessly beside the woman she had once felt so comfortable in presence of, she was starting to think that would never happen.
Once the two women were inside, Paula made her way to the sofa. The same sofa the two had shared their first impassioned kiss just months before. She ran her hand over the cushion slowly as she remembered the details of that moment. The urgency, the passion, the utter desire to rip Sophie’s clothes off her back there and then, with no care in the world that anyone could have walked in on them.
Sophie sat down next to Paula, inches apart from the other woman, drawing her from her thoughts. “It’s strange how fast it all changed, isn’t it?” She asked, knowing the woman well enough to know exactly what she was thinking. “I often wish we could go back to that moment, relive it all over again,” She continued as she gently, reached over and took Paula’s hand in her own, holding onto it tightly, afraid that if she left go, the older woman would just disappear in front of her eyes.
Paula simply placed her other hand on top of Sophie’s, pulling them into her lap. “Me too, love. Me too.”
The pair sat silently for a second. It was a different silence to the one experienced walking across the cobbles, as if they both knew what was coming next, but were both too scared to approach the topic first.
Then, finally, Paula broke the silence. “What a mess, Soph…” She whispered, slightly tightening her grip on the other woman, not wanting to let go just yet.
“I know,” Sophie merely whispered. “But, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything, Paula, please,” she begged, her voice breaking slightly. “Everything is such a disaster!”
Sophie looked down at the floor, unable to hold back as a single tear fell gently down her cheek. “Look at me, Soph,” Paula urged, but Sophie simply ignored her. She knew that if she looked into Paula’s dark eyes, that once made her feel so safe, that she wouldn’t be able to stop the tears. “Soph,” she persisted, “Sophie!” She raised her voice a little, releasing one of her hands from Sophie’s hold, she used it to gently lift Sophie’s chin.
The younger woman begrudgingly looked back at Paula, another single tear dropping down her cheek. Paula gently used her fingertip to wipe away the tear. “I know things are bad at the minute, but I need you to understand something,” Paula started calmly, hoping the other woman would understand where she was coming from. “I nearly lost my job over this case. What you got your mum to do, Sophie, it was stupid and most definitely illegal!” As she explained herself, Paula tried to keep her tone neutral, afraid the situation would escalate even further.
“I know, and I said I’m sorry! I know I shouldn’t have done what I did. I was wrong! But I was desperate!” Sophie began to sob as she defended herself, hoping that Paula would see things from her point of view. “I was desperate, Paula! I didn’t know what to do! I didn’t want my mum to go to prison!”
Sophie wasn’t sure why she was crying so hard, maybe it was a mixture between fear of losing Paula and the realisation that her mum wasn’t going to be around for a long time. Of course, the complete lack of sleep wasn’t helping her emotions either. She was mentally and physically exhausted.
“You should’ve talked to me, Sophie. You should feel able to speak to me. I’m not just your mum’s lawyer, Soph. I am your partner.” Her tone was gentle, and low. Much different to the tone she had been using the past couple of days. Since the beginning of the trial, all she seemed to do is raise her voice at everyone, especially Sophie. She was just as wearied as the other woman.
“I know!” Sophie sniffed, “I wish I had, I really do! But I was just so wrapped up in everything. I just panicked! I didn’t want to lose my mum. But now she’s in prison and it’s such a mess,” she slowed her breathing down, allowing herself to catch her breath, “I just made it so much worse. All I ever do is ruin things. I’m such a liability.”
“Don’t” Paula said interrupted, harshly. Sophie flinched slightly, as she was caught of guard. “Don’t talk like that,” she continued, her tone softening. “That’s not true.”
“It is, though,” she argued back. “Look at what I’ve done to us.” Sophie raised her hands, as if to gesture at the two of them, sitting there.
Paula felt a twinge of guilt at this statement. She knew the faults in their relationship didn’t all lie with Sophie. If she had been open with Sophie about Julian, then she wouldn’t have reacted the way she would have and consequently, Sophie wouldn’t have ended up insulting the judge. Neither of them was innocent in this.
“Come here,” Paula said, extending her arms to the other woman. At first, Sophie hesitated, before moving over to Paula, wrapping her arms around her and laying her head on her chest. “This isn’t just on you, Sophie. It’s on me, too.” She paused a minute before adding, “I’m sorry too, love. You’ll never know how sorry I am.” Paula had wished with all of her being that the verdict had been different. She hated seeing Sophie’s family being torn apart like this and she knew it would have a terrible impact on Sophie.
Sophie sniffed a little, the tears had finally stopped flowing. Slowly, she lifted her head so she was inches apart from Paula’s face. Looking deeply in her eyes, she softly whispered, “show me.”
Paula let out a deep sigh, “Sophie…”
“Show me,” she repeated, inching forward, her lips just centimetres from Paula’s, “show me how sorry you are.”
Paula let out a moan, closing her eyes, being driven crazy by Sophie’s body so close to hers. Part of her knew she shouldn’t, but a bigger part of her was unable to resist. All she wanted to do was comfort the woman in front of her.
All at once, a sudden urge flew through the older woman’s body. She lunged forward, crashing her lips into Sophie’s, who let out a moan in response. Paula persisted, her hands roaming around Sophie’s body, every touch feeling as amazing as the first time. Sophie’s hands followed suit, running up and down Paula’s body, coming into contact with her warm skin. Sophie parted her lips slightly, allowing Paula access.
The kiss began to intensify and Sophie found herself pushed against the sofa, Paula’s legs straddling her as she plants open mouthed kisses up and down her neck. Paula quickly pulled away from the woman, looking deeply into Sophie’s eyes. She wanted to forget about everything that had happened, just for a moment, and try and rid Sophie of her pain.
After a few seconds, Paula cut the eye contact, going back in for another kiss. Sophie happily complied, her hands finding their way underneath the other woman’s top. Before things could progress any further, Sophie pulled back a little. “God, Paula. I don’t think I’ll be able to live without this,” she spurted out.
Paula quickly stopped what she was doing, looking down at the woman beneath her. “Soph…”
Sophie sat up a little, “please,” she begged innocently, “please. Just one last time, before you leave.”
Paula sat back a little, disconnecting herself from Sophie’s touch. “You think I want to walk away?” the woman retorted.
Sophie looked back at the woman, puzzled by this response. “That’s what you came here for, isn’t it? To break up with me?”
Paula sighed desperately, running her fingers through her hair in despair. “I don’t want to walk away from us, Sophie, God!” Her tone was raised a little. She paused, before quietly continuing, “I know that you think I should’ve done more for your mum! You said as much in the rovers a few days ago. How could I live with myself knowing that you blame me?” Paula spat.
Sophie’s eyes widened, the realisation of what she had said to Paula during the argument hitting her hard. “Babe, I don’t blame you at all! I was just angry and I lashed out at you. It was immature and stupid, I know that and I am sorry! Of course this isn’t your fault, you’ve done nothing but try and help my mum from day one, even after she fired you!”
Paula turned her head to look at Sophie, “I just feel like you resent me for doing my job. I had to tell the judge about your plan, Sophie. I wouldn’t have been doing my job if I didn’t!”
“I know that now, I should never have put you in that position. I didn’t even think.” Sophie explained.
Paula sighed, “don’t you see, Sophie? That’s part of the problem, you acted without thinking! Just like your mum did when she fired me!” She stopped for a second, the realisation hitting her slightly. Should she be surprised by this sort of behaviour from her partner, when she’d grown up with Sally as her role model? She certainly wasn’t excusing Sophie’s behaviour, but it made sense.
“I promise, if you give me a chance to put it right, I will. Just tell me what I have to do.” She begged.
“Just talk to me, Sophie. That’s all I want from you. Communication. Honesty.” She sighed, running her hands through her hair, once again. “And maybe I don’t have the right to ask that of you, after I hid the truth about my meeting in Speed Daal.”
Sophie stood, suddenly, walking to the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of water. Paula watched her intently, taking in every inch of the woman’s figure. Through everything that was happening, Paula couldn’t deny that the sexual connection was still as strong as ever.
Paula made her way to the kitchen, too, manoeuvring her way around Sophie, she reached for the cupboard, collecting two wine glasses. “I think we need a stronger drink than that, after the week we’ve had,” she simply stated, cracking open a bottle of red.
Sophie smiled sadly at the older woman, “I bought that for my mum,” she said, pointing at the bottle of wine, “to celebrate her coming home.” She sighed deeply, taking the glass offered to her by Paula, “we might as well drink it, she won’t be needing it now.”
Paula tilted her head in sympathy, matching Sophie’s sad smile. Before Paula had the chance to reply, Sophie walked back over to the sofa, taking up her previous position. The older woman shadowed her movements, sitting down beside her. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t get your mum out, Sophie.”
Sophie smiled reassuringly at Paula, “it’s okay, you tried your best. I’m sorry that I ever implied any different.” She reached forward, taking Paula’s glass from her hand, placing it on the table next to her own. She kept hold of Paula’s hand and caressed it gently, “I want you to know how grateful I am for everything. I didn’t show you the appreciation you deserved throughout the case.”
Paula shook her head, dismissively, “it’s okay.”
Sophie reached for her wine glass again, releasing Paula from her touch. She took a large sip, feeling the wine travel quickly down her throat. She closed her eyes slightly and asked the question that she was dreading the answer to, “so what happens next?”
“Honestly?” Paula asked, “I don’t know. We will have to appeal and-”
“No,” Sophie cut her off swiftly, “what happens with us? Me and you?”
Paula stayed silent for a moment, carefully thinking about how to answer the question. “We try again,” she simply stated. “But this time, we’re honest with each other. We communicate.” She stopped for a second before adding, “if that’s what you want?” This was Paula’s way of offering her a way out, she wouldn’t blame the younger woman for wanting out. It’s been one drama after another recently.
“I want you, Paula.” Sophie confidently stated. She lowered her voice a little, “you’re all that I want.”
Paula let out the breath that she didn’t realise she was even holding, feeling the weight of the world fall off her shoulders. “I want you, too” she whispered in return. “But you have to promise me that you will never do anything to jeopardise my career again, Sophie. Even if you think you’re doing it for the right reasons.” Paula was serious in what she was saying. She was falling for this woman hard, she didn’t want to walk away from what they could be. However, she couldn’t afford another mistake like that, it could ruin everything she’s ever worked for.
“I promise. I care about you so much, Paula. I would never do something like that again. From now on, I promise to keep myself out of my mum’s trial and let you do your job.” Sophie pleaded with Paula.
The older woman could see that she genuinely meant every word, but she still had her doubts. “But, is that even possible?” she asked, “I know how much you care for your family, it’s actually one of the things I admire about you. Do you honestly believe you could leave me to do my job and trust that I’m doing everything I can?”
Sophie sighed deeply, “I’ll do whatever it takes, if it means you’ll give us a second chance. You said so yourself, we’ve got something special.”
The older woman remembered to what Sophie was referring to. It was the day in the café, the day that she thought she was going to lose Sophie for good. It was the day she realised she didn’t want to live without Sophie. “I know,” she simply nodded, smiling slightly at the memory. “And I meant every word.”
“Can we draw a line under this, please?” Sophie simply inquired, “or at least try to?”
Paula nodded slightly, “of course, I’m not ready to give up on us just yet.”
Sophie’s eyes widened and the tightness in her chest began to fade, tears threatening to fall again. This time, though, they were tears of relief. She pulled Paula into a swift embrace, her arms wrapping tightly around the older woman. She buried her head in her neck and took in the scent of the older woman. She always smelled so amazing.
She began planting light kisses on Paula’s neck, being rewarded with a moan from the other woman, this spurred Sophie on more. Her hands began to venture over the older woman’s figure, grazing her breasts, creating friction between Paula’s soft skin and the over-sized t-shirt she was wearing.
“Soph…” Paula whispered, barely inaudible. With the little strength she had, she lightly pulled away. “Soph, are you sure you want to do this?”
“Of course,” she nodded. “I want to feel you, Paula. Don’t you want this?” She asked, pulling back slightly, afraid she had read the signals wrong.
“You know I do, I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay?” Paula was gentle with Sophie respected her for it. “We don’t have to do this, we could just lay here and watch TV?” Paula was aware of what an emotional week Sophie had endured and she didn’t want the younger woman doing something she would later come to regret.
Sophie didn’t reply, she just simply pulled Paula in, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. This kiss was different from any other kiss they’d had, it was slow, but it still reflected the urgency both women were feeling for one and other. Paula’s hand slowly reached for Sophie’s face, cupping it tenderly as she allowed Sophie further access. Their tongues danced together in a leisurely rhythm.
Between kisses, Sophie took Paula’s hand in hers, pulling her from the sofa. “Come on, babe,” she whispered, guiding her to the stairs. “Let’s go to bed…”