Archive of Our Own ^beta

Donghyuck highly doubts Mark Lee is worth one galleon, but it's not like he has anything else to spend on, anyway. Besides, this is going to be totally worth it, and he's going to make sure that this time, his best friend of ten years won't be able to get out of his embarrassment so easily. It's going to be Prank Royale.

Snickering, he slips into his cheap invisibility cloak. It's kind of prickly, but Donghyuck kind of likes the feeling. It reminds him of that ugly green sweater he got for Mark last Christmas. He slinks into the shadows as the Fat Lady eyes him with mild interest and curiosity.

He presses up against the wall as two Gryffindors pass, pausing in their tracks right beside him in confusion to point out the silver-green balloons and streamers with the words "welcome home, loser" Donghyuck had put up on the ceiling.

"We're in the right place, right? This is Gryffindor's dorm and not, like, Slytherin's, right?"

Donghyuck snorts quietly. Gryffindors, with all their talk about being the best house just because they defeated Voldemort ages ago, can be so immensely stupid sometimes.

The other Gryffindor seems to read Donghyuck's mind, letting out an exasperated breath. "You've been in Hogwarts for like, what, three years, and you're saying that our corridor with the Fat Lady has suddenly turned into Slytherin's common room just because of the green decorations?"

"How should I know! Maybe we took a wrong turn and ended up near the kitchen, I wouldn't know, I was on autopilot."

"The kitchen?"

"Slytherin common room, right?"

"No, that's Hufflepuff, you idiot—portmanteau, thanks—Merlin's beard, how are you passing all your subjects when you're this amazing..."

The Gryffindors fall out of earshot when they climb through the Fat Lady's portrait which had swung open to admit them, and Donghyuck is left to his own derisive mantra of Gryffindor is the stupidest house in the Wizarding world, gazing proudly up at the Slytherin-themed party he had prepared for Mark.

Oh yes, Donghyuck is a Slytherin supremacist and he's not afraid to show it.

A distinct laugh catches Donghyuck's attention. It's Mark, returning from his Potions class at 5:06PM exactly as he had calculated. He withdraws further into the corner, not wanting to suffer the consequences of his own prank, and waits, wand at the ready, pointing towards the pretty balloons.

Mark rounds the corner, and Donghyuck mouths to himself silently. Engorgio.

It all happens in slow motion. The balloons begin to swell, growing two, three, five times larger than they were, as Mark looks up at them. His eyes widen for a fraction of a second, and Donghyuck watches with dawning horror as recognition flickers across his best friend's face.

Mark is out of there before Donghyuck can say 'Stinksap'.

Then the balloons burst, and Stinksap spews everywhere. The Fat Lady shrieks, ducking out of her portrait just in time as the slimy goo covers the entirety of the wall.

Donghyuck, from the safety of his own corner, sighs. One galleon wasted. He really should have timed that better, but he got too excited. If Mark had just been two more steps in, he would have succeeded, and Mark would be covered in Stinksap right now, not this innocent, doe-eyed Hufflepuff who looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

Wait, what.

Mark appears again, hair dishevelled from how fast he'd legged it out of there, peeking around the corner to check if the coast is clear. He accidentally steps in a puddle of Stinksap. Donghyuck giggles, and Mark's head whips around to glare in his general direction. "Lee Donghyuck!"

The Slytherin allows himself to enjoy the satisfaction of having Mark's eyes darting around, unsure of where to glare at, before he pulls the invisibility cloak off himself. Mark's gaze zeroes in on him. Anybody else would have wilted under that glare, but not only does Donghyuck have hide thicker than Earth's crust, he has also known Mark since he could multiply numbers, and Mark couldn't.

"I let you off easily," Donghyuck drawls, a shit-eating grin on his face, but he's already running towards his disgruntled best friend.

"Don't—!"

Mark rocks back as he is attacked with a hug, receiving an armful of Slytherin, who hugs him as if his life depends on it. Sighing, he returns the hug, nowhere near as brazenly, but still fondly. Even if he is stepping in Stinksap.

"Welcome home, loser," Donghyuck says, so quietly that Mark would have missed it if they weren't tangled around each other right now, the smaller boy clinging to the Gryffindor. "I missed you."

"It's only been a month, you sap."

"Shut up, Canada. You Stinksap."

Donghyuck pulls away from Mark, ready to give him an earful of how boring it had been over the summer holidays when Mark travelled to Canada with his family to visit relatives. They'd spent every summer together since Donghyuck was ten, how dare Mark abandon him like that!

As he takes a deep breath, ready to start Howler-worthy yelling, he, again, notices the Hufflepuff still standing there like a statue, stock-still and looking every bit out of his element.

Not that Stinksap would be anyone's element, but still. Donghyuck has to suppress a giggle. As bad as he feels for the stranger whom he recognises vaguely, he looks absolutely ridiculous dripping in the green stuff. Beside him, Mark looks mortified.

"Kun, oh my god, I'm sorry," Mark stammers, and the Hufflepuff seems to snap out of his daze.

"Sorry... Kun," Donghyuck echoes sincerely, because he actually likes Hufflepuffs, they're nice to him unlike Ravenclaws who can be a bit stuck-up sometimes, and Gryffindor is just... well... they never quite got along.

"I was playing a prank on Mark, I didn't expect him to be with someone," he says, then rounds on Mark suddenly. "When did you have friends other than me, anyway?"

Mark splutters indignantly. "Since always?"

"It's alright," Kun smiles pleasantly, interrupting them effectively before they can start bickering again. Donghyuck stares at him in stunned silence. Mark would have whooped him to high heaven if he'd actually gotten caught in the Stinksap, and this guy is just saying it's alright?

"It can be easily fixed." Kun draws his wand from his robes (with difficulty, considering the amount of Stinksap gathered on them), and swishes his wand in a motion that Donghyuck is by now extremely familiar with. "Evanesco."

Nothing happens, and colour drains from Donghyuck's face.

"Um. Evanesco."

Mark frowns when Kun's Vanishing spell doesn't work, staring at a decidedly shifty Donghyuck, who looks like the poster child of Guilt. He's got his puppy eyes on and everything, and is worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. "What did you do, Hyuck? Spill."

"Um... I charmed the Stinksap to be un-Vanish-able?"

"What?" Mark and Kun chorus at the same time, turning to stare at him. Mark wears a look of exasperation on his face, and Kun looks absolutely livid.

"I-I'm sorry—"

"Well, un-charm it then!" The Gryffindor replies, kicking Donghyuck's shin. He doesn't dodge, he deserved it anyway.

"I can't, bitch."

"What do you mean you can't? You charmed it!"

"I don't know how to un-charm it!"

"Use the counter-spell!"

"I don't know the counter-spell!" Donghyuck wails, and glances over at Kun with pleading eyes, and a sincere pout. Hufflepuffs always fall for that.

Kun falls for that, and his anger ebbs away as quickly as it appeared. He even seems mildly impressed, and Donghyuck preens a bit. "How did you do it, anyway? That's got to be, like, pretty advanced stuff. What year are you in?"

"Fifth."

Kun frowns. "That's not an O.W.L. level spell. I don't think we even learn anything like that for N.E.W.T.s."

Donghyuck practically glows. "I spent a month practicing that charm while Canada was away."

"God, you're such a brat," Mark glowers, and Donghyuck has the audacity to giggle again, bright as the sun.

"Kun, I'll just bring your books down later and pass them to you during dinner. Probably best to head to Professor Moon now and ask him to get rid of the darned Stinksap, because a certain smartass doesn't know how to get rid of the mess he caused."

"Okay," Kun replies, a lot more pleasantly than Donghyuck would if he were the one covered in unremovable goo that smelled distinctly like rancid manure and had to walk through the corridors to get to a solution.

Donghyuck wallows in guilt for a while more, before something clicks in his brain, and he panics. "W-wait! No, Kun!"

Kun, already half out of the corridor with Mark on his tail, shoots him a quizzical look.

"Um, Prof Moon threathened to kick me out of class if I got into trouble again?" Donghyuck begins, and flounders when Kun and Mark's eyes simultaneously darken. He's actually serious this time, he can't get into any more trouble with Prof Moon. "I-I can't get kicked out of Charms, it's O.W.L. year! I'll fail! Please—"

"Should have thought of that when you planned the prank, you idiot," Mark knocks Donghyuck's head, too light to actually hurt, too sharp to be kidding. "We're taking Kun to Prof Moon, and you're coming. Apologise or some shit. The corridor's got to be cleaned, anyway."

Donghyuck visibly panics, and Kun flusters a bit, looking rather torn and forlorn, before tugging Mark back. "It's fine... let's just figure something out. Donghyuck wouldn't have gotten in trouble if I wasn't there, anyway."

Two Gryffindor girls saunter past, looking curiously at the Stinksap, Donghyuck's exploded Slytherin setup and Kun's yellow, now disgustingly green and poop-smelling, robes. Donghyuck glares at them until they scuttle away, giggling a bit to themselves. Mark buries his face in his robes, mortified.

"I hate you," he mutters to Donghyuck, who gives him yet another prize-winning smile. Mark can't really find it in his heart to berate Donghyuck, even if he is a wart on the ass. An extremely painful one.

After a moment of tense silence, Kun sighs and says, "Let's just go to the Hufflepuff common room."

When they enter the Hufflepuff common room, Kun is greeted with some cheerful, curious but polite smiles, some amused laughter, some disgusted groans, many confused questions, and even more concerned fusses. Donghyuck tucks himself into Mark's side, feeling a bit out of place with all the attention and hospitality, even though he had to dodge a minor jinx from Kun's little brother—Chenle, was it?—when he found out just how stubborn the Stinksap was.

It could be worse. He could be in the Gryffindor common room, trying to dodge all the very prohibited-within-Hogwarts curses thrown his way by Mark's friends, and Mark would do nothing to help, because he is an ass like that, not that Donghyuck wouldn't deserve it. Donghyuck pouts at the thought and buries his face in Mark's shoulder. "Dammit, you should've walked into the Stinksap instead. Why are your reflexes so good?"

Mark absentmindedly rubs circles into Donghyuck's waist, flipping through a book on counter-spells that a helpful Hufflepuff had ran to the library to get. "If I had, you would regret being born right about now."

"Bullshit."

Mark doesn't reply, but Donghyuck observes with satisfaction as the tips of his ears turn red, as they always do when he gets caught in his own lies.

The Hufflepuffs had gathered around Kun, and went from making a competition to see who could get rid of the Stinksap, to getting frustrated and putting their heads together to brainstorm ideas. Unsurprisingly, the single braincell shared among all the yellow-robed students couldn't make a dent in the Stinksap, and the books weren't much help either. Kun, however, had somehow began to sport blonde hair in place of brown.

"I know this one Ravenclaw, I think he did something like that for his O.W.L.s demonstration last year for DADA, it was way out of syllabus so he got a distinction," Chenle announces suddenly, and the Hufflepuffs burst into excited conversation. "I'll go get him, wait."

Donghyuck dodges another jinx from Chenle on the way out, which bounces off the wall and hits Mark instead. With an exasperated cry, leeks start sprouting from Mark's ears. Donghyuck just laughs at him, until a nearby seventh-year Hufflepuff prefect takes pity on Mark and performs the counter-jinx.

"Learned that because Chenle used to jinx Kun all the time when he didn't get him Butterbeer from Hogsmeade because he was underage," the Hufflepuff comments, and Donghyuck chokes as he imagines Kun with leeks growing from his ears.

Seems like he's not the only one who's downed Kun with a practical joke, even though he seems like an angel and doesn't deserve any of it.

"Thanks, Johnny," Mark smiles gratefully, pushing Donghyuck away. "Take this brat with you, I don't want him."

"Hey, you love me! Shut up and deal with it." The Slytherin protests indignantly, clinging once again to Mark's side. Johnny shakes his head, amused, drifting back to Kun and leaving Mark back in the hands of a very whiny Donghyuck.

Mark shuts up and deals with it, pressing an exasperated kiss onto the crown of Donghyuck's head, a habit they'd developed since young. It's effectively shuts Donghyuck up.

"How the hell did you get that much Stinksap on you, Kun-ge, god—" The door bursts open, and a very haughty-looking Ravenclaw walks in, Chenle in tow. Donghyuck vaguely remembers that his name is Huang Renjun, who had originally been in his year. They had taken some classes together in year one and two, but he'd been so brilliant that they'd moved him up a year.

Kun vaguely gestures towards Donghyuck, who shrinks behind Mark.

"You, Mark Lee?" Renjun eyes Mark's prefect badge with contempt, but Chenle snorts. "No, It's Hyuck, Renjun-ge."

Renjun's eyes land on Hyuck, who just had his cover busted, and his eyes widen with mischief. "You mean the number one class troublemaker had time to perfect a spell, but not study for O.W.L.s?"

"Shut up Renjun, there's plenty of time left to O.W.L.s!" Donghyuck scowls defensively, and Renjun just laughs, ruffling his hair. "Kidding. You never needed Charms anyway, you were always better than I was. Until now, that is."

He steps forward, wand pointed at Kun, who smiles gratefully. Everyone else stands back, and Mark makes a small choked noise that sounds like "If Kun dies, it's your fault."

Donghyuck chooses to ignore it.

Kun doesn't die, and Renjun manages to get the Stinksap off him. Donghyuck barely has time to cheer with the rest of the Hufflepuffs, Mark and Renjun before Kun turns on his heel, drawing his wand and hexing Donghyuck into oblivion as he runs for cover out of the Hufflepuff common room.

Donghyuck misses Charms class the next day anyway, because he has about twenty-four different hexes clinging to him, including one that makes him vomit rainbow-coloured goop periodically—how the hell did Kun get his hands on a hex like this—and isn't exactly fit for normal muggle function, let alone Wizarding classes.

It's a win, though; he spends the next day lying in the Hospital Wing, being fussed over by Madam Pomfrey and, to his delight, a certain handsome Gryffindor prefect (who also laughed at him and told him to suck it up. "I told you karma would bite you in the ass one day, sunshine."

Donghyuck pointedly ignores the butterflies that erupt in his stomach at the supposedly derisive pet name).

Kun visits too, in the evening, bringing Donghyuck a suspicious-looking pill with an apologetic smile, saying that it'll help to relieve the pain in Donghyuck's chest from puking so much. He's still blonde, Donghyuck observes, as he swallows it gratefully, only to splutter indignantly as blood drips from his nose.

"A fucking Nosebleed Nougat, oh my god Qian Kun—" Mark is positively howling with laughter by now, as Donghyuck hastily swallows the other end of the pill that Kun presents to him.

The nosebleed stops immediately, and he shrinks meekly into his hospital bed, humiliated that a smiley Hufflepuff of all people could take him down so easily. Donghyuck's not usually one to be so trusting, especially around a stranger that he's known for less than twenty-four hours, but there's something about guilt and the hilarity of the whole thing that makes him accept it all with respectful silence.

Besides, Kun tells a very oblivious Mark that one of his hexes involved inflicting Donghyuck with a mysterious ailment that would go away only if the receiver was showered with constant affection. It's a dumb lie and Donghyuck knows, but when Kun leaves, shooting the cringing Slytherin a wink, Mark immediately crawls into bed beside him, arms winding around his smaller frame.

Donghyuck snuggles into Mark's chest, a blush blooming on his cheeks. Mark strokes his hair and points out the constellations they spotted during Astronomy in the evening. The raven-haired Gryffindor is just about the only dumbass Donghyuck knows who actually enjoys Astronomy, but he smiles and closes his eyes, listening to him drone on about Andromeda.

Donghyuck's sure that's not even a constellation.

They fall asleep together like that sometime later, Donghyuck's face nestled in the crook of Mark's neck and Mark's cheek pressed against Donghyuck's hair, their legs tangled together in the sheets.

Just before he drifts off to sleep, Donghyuck vows to himself to prank Kun again, just because.

And Mark, of course.