Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Part 1

Something was wrong with Yukine. It wasn't that he seemed to be dying (probably) or had lost his mind and started up schizophrenic ramblings or anything like that. If anything, he was being…nice. Too nice.

It started when he let Yato sleep in instead of shaking him awake to get started killing a ridiculous number of ayakashi to fill a guidepost-appointed quota. Yato stayed curled up in bed with one eye open for another half hour, but Yukine never came to bother him and eventually he gave up and started getting ready. When he went downstairs, Yukine didn't call him lazy or whack him.

Instead, the kid handed him breakfast and sat down across from him at the table to watch him with an unusual amount of interest. It was rather uncomfortable, since Yato didn't know why he'd be particularly interesting this morning and was already on edge from his kid's unusually nonaggressive behavior.

Maybe Yukine was just trying to poison him. Yato wasn't sure what the lumpy concoction was supposed to be, but it sure looked like it could be poisonous. He poked at it dubiously with his fork before gathering his nerve and taking a bite. It tasted worse than it looked, like old socks and salt. But he didn't keel over frothing at the mouth, which was a win even if Yukine was still watching him too closely. He supposed it could be a slow-acting poison.

"Daikoku's losing his touch," he muttered, poking at the 'food' some more.

Yukine scowled. "Daikoku didn't make it."

"Did Kofuku get her hands on it? That would explain it."

"…I made it."

Yato blinked at him. He was about to ask when Yukine had learned to cook, but thought better of it when he looked back down at the yellowish mass on his plate. The answer to that was clearly 'no'.

"Tough break, kid," he said sympathetically. "Don't quit your day job."

Yukine opened his mouth and then pressed it shut in a tight line. Yato found this even more disturbing than the sudden interest in cooking. No 'bakagami'? No 'at least one of us has a job'? Since when did Yukine have such restraint?

What if he had gotten possessed or something? Or sustained a traumatic brain injury overnight and forgotten how to sass Yato?

"If you don't like it, toss it," Yukine grumbled instead, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring down at the table. "I'm sure you can find something in the fridge."

Yato stared at him some more, but decided it was probably better not to make the kid feel bad. Especially if he was behaving weirdly because he was out to get Yato. No need to rile him up more.

"It's not so bad," Yato lied. He scooped another bite into his mouth for emphasis and had to fight not to screw his face into a grimace. "My taste buds don't wake up this early anyway."

He was pretty sure there was an opening in there somewhere for a snarky comment, but Yukine let it pass him by. What had started off as disconcerting was starting to get downright frightening.

"It's fine," Yukine said with a sigh. "You can throw it out."

"It's–" Yato broke off to cough discreetly as he came across a pocket of salt buried in the mush. His eyes watered, and judging from Yukine's expression, he was a little less than discreet and sounded more like a dying whale. "It's okay," he finished with a wheeze. Yukine winced and frowned down at the table and… Was he pouting? Cute. "So… Since we're getting a late start, does that mean we have a less insane quota of ayakashi to kill today?"

Yukine looked back up, and a weird sort of determination replaced the disappointment on his face. "We aren't hunting ayakashi today."

The fork stopped halfway to Yato's mouth and hovered forgotten in the air, and the god stared at his shinki like he'd grown a second head. Yukine had taken the whole ayakashi hunting thing very seriously since Yato had decided to become a god of fortune, and liked to be a bother about it if he wasn't working in the shop or they didn't get other jobs.

"We aren't?" Yato asked. He leaned forward with a frown and squinted at the kid. "Are you sick?"

Yukine's features twisted in confusion. "What? Of course not."

"If you aren't feeling well, you can just say so. I won't make you work if you're sick, you know."

"I'm not sick!"

"I'm just saying…"

"I'm not!" Yukine's voice dropped to a quiet mumble as his gaze wandered away. "I just…thought we could do something else today."

Yato tried and failed to come up with a reason for the kid's sudden shyness. "Okay…"

"A-anyway, I'm just going to get ready to go out."

Yukine stood up abruptly and hurried for the stairs. Yato stared after him, face scrunched up in confusion. Well, nothing weird about that…

Shaking his head, Yato choked down the last of the suspicious food and tossed his plate in the sink before guzzling half a gallon of water in an attempt to get rid of the aftertaste. Humans were weird, and human children even more so. Every time he thought he was starting to figure them out, they'd do something extra strange just to prove him wrong.

"Good morning, Yato-chan!" Kofuku chirped as she traipsed into the kitchen covered in mud and swinging a watering can back and forth in a wide arc.

Yato barely spared a glance for her head-to-toe mud makeover. "Hey, Kofuku, what's wrong with my kid?"

"Huh?" Kofuku stopped swinging the watering can and blinked at him with wide eyes. "Did something happen to Yukki?"

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking you. He's been really weird all morning. He let me sleep in without waking me up and calling me lazy, he doesn't want to kill ayakashi, he hasn't insulted me once, and he even made breakfast! Something's up with him."

Kofuku's face lit up in a bright smile. "Oh, speaking of breakfast, how was it?"

"Horrible, why?" Yato did a double take and gaped at her. "Don't tell me you liked it?"

She laughed. "Don't be silly, Yato-chan. Daikoku made breakfast for the rest of us earlier. Yukki only made breakfast for you."

He stared at her in horror. "I knew he was trying to poison me! Quick, am I turning weird colors? I think I might be getting dizzy. Maybe we should call an ambulance."

"I don't think Yukki wants to poison you," said Kofuku, her eyes glimmering with amusement.

Yato crossed his arms over his chest with a huff. "Then what is up with him? Do you think the aliens got him?"

"…Aliens?"

"Hear me out! Look, there are tons and tons of planets in the universe, right? The chances that some of them are in the hospitable range for life and have developed some kind of lifeform are pretty much one hundred percent. Out of all those options, at least a few of them must have developed some kind of advanced, intelligent lifeforms, right?

"I've always been pretty skeptical of all the humans saying they saw UFOs or got abducted or are sure aliens are responsible for everything cool on Earth, but what if some kind of advanced alien lifeform did make it here? And targeted Yukine? Maybe they kidnapped him and replaced him with an alien spy! Or are brainwashing him as we speak! We have to rescue him! Do you have any tinfoil lying around? We need to protect his brain!"

Kofuku blinked at him for a few more seconds and then smiled. "Yato-chan has a very active imagination."

Yato scowled. "Then what do you think is going on with him?"

"Hmmm…" Kofuku tilted her head and tapped her finger against her lips thoughtfully, her forehead creasing in thought. Then she shrugged and smiled brightly. "I have no idea!"

"…You are absolutely no help at all."

She pouted. "Don't be mean, Yato-chan."

Yato angled his head towards the doorway as he heard footsteps thump down the stairs. Yukine stuck his head in the room a moment later.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked.

"Go where?" Yato asked suspiciously. "I don't want to visit your mothership."

Yukine stared at him, amber eyes clouded with confusion. "…What?"

Kofuku giggled. "Don't mind Yato-chan. He's having a crisis."

Yukine opened his mouth, closed it again. "I don't want to know," he decided with a shake of his head. "I thought we'd go visit the new capyper store."

"The…what?" Yato forgot the strangeness of the whole situation in the excitement that the word 'capyper' inevitably evoked.

"Huh, and here I thought you must've known about it. You always seem to know everything about them. A store selling exclusive capyper merchandise just opened up across town a couple weeks ago."

"Really? Amazing! The capypers are expanding their influence! They're well on their way to world domination!"

"Seems more like a tacky outlet for greed if you ask me," Yukine muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes. "Milking the franchise for all it's worth."

"Ooh, let me just call Hiyori! This will be awesome!"

"Hiyori isn't coming. She's busy today."

Yato pouted. That put a slight damper on his excitement. "That's lame."

"Sorry. It's just you and me today."

"Ooh, I'll come with you!" Kofuku chirped.

"No!" Yato and Yukine said together.

"You can't bring your aura into the capypers' sacred ground!" Yato said, horrified. "What if you ruin their store? Don't think I've forgotten how you wrecked Capyper Land last time!" Then he paused and turned to Yukine with a frown. "Wait, why don't you want her to come?"

Yukine opened his mouth, hesitated, turned a strange shade of red, and looked down at his feet. "Same reason," he mumbled.

Yato eyed him suspiciously. Something was up with that kid.

"Everyone's so mean to meee!" Kofuku pouted and tromped back out to the garden, leaving a trail of muddy footprints in her wake.

Yato stared Yukine down and crossed his arms. "But you don't even like capypers."

"No, but you do," Yukine muttered. He turned on his heel and headed for the door, eyes still fixed on the ground. "Let's go."

Yato hesitated, wondering if this was some kind of elaborate trap, but his eagerness to see the newest addition to his precious capypers' empire won out and he trailed after Yukine.

"Are you sure you're feeling alright?" he asked casually as they wove through the crowds of oblivious humans clogging the street.

"Huh? Of course. Why do you keep asking that?"

"No reason. So you haven't been having any weird dreams of, like, getting abducted by aliens or anything?"

Yukine finally dragged his gaze from the ground to stare at the god, his face all scrunched up. "What?"

"Just asking," Yato muttered. Maybe not aliens, then.

Yukine shook his head and mumbled something under his breath, but made no further comment. Which was suspicious in and of itself. Normally he would have taken at least half a dozen jabs by this point in the day, and Yato had given him plenty of perfect opportunities. And he had resisted them all.

Yato wasn't even sensing anything too weird from him. Just a little bit of nerves and uncertainty. If he was planning to lure Yato out for some kind of punishment to get him back for all his obnoxiousness, he was doing an awfully good job of keeping his emotions in check to hide it.

Yato tried a few more casual probing questions along the way, but nothing got a rise out of Yukine or shed any light on the mystery. He was still at a total loss when they found themselves standing in front of a huge store sprawled across half the shopping district. A sign blaring bright yellow and red trumpeted the presence of capypers, and Yato was wriggling with excitement even before they set foot inside the store and were plunged into a capyper wonderland.

Shelves stretched as far as the eye could see, filled to bursting with all different kinds of capypers. There were capyper mugs, capyper pens, capyper toys and dolls, capyper books, capyper keychains, about eight hundred different capyper t-shirts, and a wide variety of other merchandise with capypers plastered across them.

Yato's mouth dropped open. "Amazing!"

"Yeah, yeah. Here."

Yukine shoved a wad of bills at Yato, whose entire face wrinkled in confusion.

"What's this?"

"Money," Yukine said dryly. He shoved his hands into his pockets and toed at the ground. "Just buy your capyper stuff so we can go."

Someone had cut a circuit somewhere in Yato's brain, and now his thoughts were running in a loop, unable to bridge the gap. Yukine was far more likely to complain about Yato swiping his hard-earned money than hand it over to the god voluntarily.

"But why?" Yato asked helplessly. Then all the broken thoughts in his head crystallized into one conclusion blinding in its clarity. "Are you trying to bribe me?"

"What? Of course not!"

"Then why are you giving me money to spend on capypers?"

Yukine hunched his shoulders and went back to scrubbing at the tile with the sole of his shoe. "You're going to get all upset if you can't buy anything, right?"

Yato considered that, his brows scrunching together in thought. "You're bribing me to be less annoying and not complain?"

"…Something like that."

Yato supposed that made a sort of counterintuitive sense. Usually Yukine would just let Yato whine and then whine about his whining, but if he wasn't in the mood to deal with it, he might look for a way to forestall it. Although in that case, the smarter thing to do would have been to not suggest coming here in the first place.

The whole thing was starting to make Yato's head hurt. In the interest of avoiding a migraine, he metaphorically threw his hands up and decided to ignore the problem. Yukine would snap out of his funk sooner or later, and Yato could bask in the glory of capypers to his heart's content in the meantime.

He explored every inch of the store and touched everything he could get his hands on. He dragged Yukine up and down the aisles, bombarding him with cheerful chatter the whole time as they ducked around crowds of rambunctious children crying to their parents to buy them toys.

Yukine did not call Yato a child for his excitement. He did not complain that Yato was embarrassing him by touching everything. He did not tell Yato to shut up or call him an idiot. He did not wander off in a huff or slink away to wait outside. He did not whine about Yato's laziness when the god handed him armfuls of things to carry for him. He did not complain about how long Yato was taking. He did not get annoyed when Yato said he'd buy him a matching capyper shirt. He did not make fun of Yato's math skills or moan when the god deliberately pushed their total a few yen above his spending limit, only forked over the extra cash without comment.

It was very distracting. How was Yato supposed to really enjoy himself when something was clearly wrong with his kid? Where were the snippy remarks and complaints and sass? No matter how Yato poked and prodded and tried to bait Yukine, the shinki didn't crack. If this was a game, Yukine was winning.

In desperation, Yato dug the extra shirt out of the bags as soon as they left the store and handed it to Yukine, insisting in a loud voice that he put it on. The kid stared at it like it had just crawled out of a sewer, and for a blessed moment Yato thought they were finally getting somewhere. Yukine would never agree to wear something with a giant capyper plastered on the front. All would be right with the world again.

But Yukine did not say, 'I'd rather be dead than caught wearing that trash.'

Instead he said, "Fine."

Yato gaped, goggle-eyed, as Yukine pulled the t-shirt on over his shirt without another word. Only the tight set of his lips betrayed his displeasure. Another piece of Yato's brain melted into mush.

What.

What?

What?

Aliens! Possession! Changeling! Brain damage!

Something was all kinds of wrong with the kid.

"Let's go," Yukine grumbled, picking up the bag he'd set down and starting off down the street.

Yato trailed after him forlornly, his mind racing from one possibility to the next. He wanted his kid back. Okay, maybe he sometimes thought it would be cool if Yukine was a little nicer to him, but not like this! Oh no, what if he had somehow messed the kid up by wishing something like that? They always warned you to be careful what you wished for.

"I'm going to tell you a secret," Yato blurted out.

Yukine looked over with a frown and tilted his head. "What?"

Yato made a show of looking around, stepping away from a cluster of people passing them going in the opposite direction and leaning in as he lowered his voice. "Capypers aren't real."

Yukine stopped right in the middle of the sidewalk, his eyes widening to twice their normal size. "What?"

"Surprise?"

"I know they aren't real," Yukine said impatiently. "But since when do you?"

"Oh, I figured it out years ago," Yato said cheerfully.

"But–but–but– Why do you act like you think they are, then?"

Yato beamed. "Because you look at me funny and Hiyori keeps making you shut up to protect my pure, innocent belief."

"You…" If possible, Yukine's eyes widened even further. "Why did you just spend all my money on capyper junk if you know they aren't real?"

"Because capypers are amazing! Duh!"

Yukine's mouth hung halfway open for a long moment, but then a strange little half-smile twisted his lips as he turned away and started walking again. "You're really something else."

"Thanks? I think?"

And that was it. Yato silently despaired. He had been so sure that at least that would get a 'bakagami'. He trailed after Yukine miserably, wondering what he could possibly do to get his kid back to normal when all his trump cards had failed.

They were ambling down the next street over when they happened past a street artist and Yato did a double take and backtracked a couple steps to get a closer look at the sketch pad.

"Heeey! He's doing caricatures!"

He cackled loudly as the artist put the finishing touches on the bobble-headed representation of the lady posing a few steps away. Yukine drifted back to see what had caught the god's interest and raised an eyebrow.

"Seems…fun."

Yato eyed him with interest. "Reaaally?"

He was pretty sure that was not an entirely genuine sentiment, but he could work with it. Anyway, he was a master of pretending not to notice tones like that so that he could take silly things seriously.

As if fate was smiling down on him, the artist handed the lady her goofy portrait and announced that he was taking a break to grab lunch. Yato slid onto his abandoned stool almost the second he slid off and wandered away.

"Stand over there!"

"Why?" Yukine shook his head. "Yato, maybe you shouldn't…"

"Oh, it's fine!"

Yukine hesitated but then sighed and backed away a few steps in acquiescence instead of continuing to complain like he normally would. It took Yato all of thirty seconds to snatch up the discarded pencil and sketch Yukine on the notepad in a whirlwind of dramatic flourishes.

"Ta-da!"

"I have no idea how you always draw so fast," Yukine muttered as he slunk back and peered over Yato's shoulder. His eye twitched.

"Horrible, isn't it?" Yato asked in delight.

Bobble-headed Yukine was dressed as a capyper and had Kazuma's training scribbles doodled all over his face. It was everything Yukine found embarrassing.

"It's…nice," the kid said with an awkward cough.

"Oh…" Yato frowned at the picture in disappointment. "Really?"

Yukine eyed him sidelong in some strange mix of curiosity and bewilderment. "To be honest, your normal drawings are way better, though."

That still wasn't an insult, but at least it was a little bit of an improvement. Yato ripped the page out and crumpled it into a ball. He knew Yukine by heart, every proportion and expression and mood. It took only a few steady lines to ink him on paper with the bright smile Yato liked best. For good measure, he added Hiyori beside him with her laughing eyes and gentle smile.

"You should add yourself too," Yukine said.

"Oh? You think so?"

"Yeah."

"Hm…" Yato considered the drawing for a few seconds and then added himself behind Yukine and Hiyori, his arms draped over their shoulders.

"Yeah… That looks about right." Yukine's lips curved upwards just a little bit, and Yato eyed him curiously. "Can I…? Can I keep it?"

"Sure? If you want."

Yato tore the page out and handed it to Yukine, who stared down at it with a funny expression. What business did he have being all shy and weirdly nostalgic?

"You draw really well," Yukine said. Normally Yato wouldn't consider such a blatantly obvious fact a compliment, but it meant something coming from Yukine since he didn't normally bother. It only weirded Yato out more. "How do you even do that? You make it look so easy."

"Uh… I dunno. I have centuries of experience. You pick things up." Yato shifted uncomfortably on the stool. He didn't understand what Yukine was getting at. "I mean, I could show you the basics."

"Really?" Yukine looked up and met Yato's eyes. His own eyes were large, like those cute baby animals in the photos, and much softer than usual with some strange sort of…shy hope, maybe.

"Yes?" Yato had never thought Yukine was all that interested in drawing before, but he was willing to try anything to snap the kid out of his weird mood. He slid to the very edge of the stool so that he was really barely on it at all and had to prop himself up with his foot braced against the ground. "Come here."

Yukine hesitated but sat down, warm and solid against the god's side. Yato started off awkward and stilted, both because his kid was still weirding him out and because he wasn't used to teaching anything artsy, but eventually he hit his stride. He actually enjoyed art more than his cavalier attitude might suggest, and he could feel his excitement building in the air like electricity as he waved his hands around and rambled about references and media and proportions and technique.

Yukine watched with rapt attention as Yato drew examples and handed the pencil over for practice and then suggested improvements. Yato wasn't used to having this kind of undivided attention, not even from his kid. Yukine wasn't always interested in getting lessons from Yato, and would even ignore the god's math advice in favor of waiting to ask Hiyori. Despite the fact that Yato knew way more math than Hiyori! Did these kids think he'd lived under a rock for a millennium? Honestly.

It was sort of…nice. Not even the attention, exactly, because he could get attention lots of ways, mostly by making a nuisance of himself. Just… It felt nice that Yukine was taking an interest in something Yato cared about and was looking up to him as some kind of teacher or role model or…something. Yato didn't mind that Yukine talked down to him half the time and would rather sass than anything, but this was a nice kind of different for a change of pace.

"Hey!" someone said from behind them. "What the…?"

Yato jerked around so fast that he almost lost his already precarious balance and face-planted into the ground. The artist whose supplies they were borrowing had just returned from lunch and was staring open-mouthed. Yato didn't stick around to find out what he was seeing. He snatched up the bag of capyper goodies from the ground, grabbed Yukine's wrist, and dragged his kid off down the street. He was laughing so hard he could barely breathe, and Yukine was laughing breathlessly beside him as they ducked around the corner. They stumbled to a stop, looked at each other, and started laughing harder.

Yato beamed. Yukine was still being weird, but now it felt like they were sharing something and having a good time together instead of…whatever that had been earlier.

"Poor guy!" Yukine chortled.

"He was asking for it! Who just leaves their stuff sitting around on the street while they go eat?" Yato's grin faded to something smaller but no less fond. "You know… If you ever want to know something or learn something or whatever…you can just ask."

Yukine turned pink and ducked his head and toed at the ground. "Okay," he mumbled. He darted a glance up from beneath his lashes. "You…really like drawing, don't you? Your whole face lights up."

Yato scratched the back of his head and laughed awkwardly. "Yeah, I guess so."

Yukine smiled a little and started walking again. "You should do it more."

Yato puffed his cheeks out and followed. What was he supposed to do with this kid?

Things quickly took a turn again when Yukine insisted they stop to eat lunch and paid for it without comment and still didn't throw out even the tiniest insult. It was back to that too-nice thing again.

Yato wondered if he could turn in for the night a few hours early. Maybe things would be back to normal when he woke up again.

It was already late afternoon by the time they headed back home, and Yukine still hadn't slipped up. Yato never thought he'd miss insults so much.

"Welcome home!" Hiyori said brightly, sticking her head out of the kitchen when they walked inside.

"Hiyori?" Yukine asked. "I thought you were hanging out with your dad?"

"I was," she agreed. "But there was an emergency call and he had to go in to the hospital. I thought I'd hang out here for a little while. I was going to work on my homework, but I've been cleaning the kitchen instead. Kofuku's out in the garden and she keeps tracking in mud. I have no idea how she does it, but it even got all the way up on the cabinets and the ceiling!"

"That sucks," Yukine said.

"It's alright. He'll be back for dinner later."

"Leave it to me!" Yato said with a grin, rolling up his sleeves. "I'm a cleaning expert!"

Yukine scowled over at him. "Not today."

Yato peered at him uncertainly. "Why not?"

"Just…leave it alone."

"I already cleaned it all up," Hiyori said. She smiled fondly at Yukine, who huffed and looked away.

Yato looked between the two of them, wondering if maybe there was some kind of conspiracy afoot, but then shrugged it off. It was hardly the weirdest thing to have happened today.

"We went to this really cool new capyper store!" he told Hiyori. "I wanted to invite you, but Yukine said you were busy."

She turned her smile on him. "Sounds like fun. What did you get?"

"Let's go upstairs and I'll show you!"

Yukine started for the stairs before the words had even left Yato's mouth. Maybe the bag he'd been stuck carrying around had finally worn him out.

"Okay," Hiyori said as she followed them.

Yato cast a look at Yukine's retreating back and slowed his steps a little as he climbed the stairs. "Hey, I need your help. Do you know what's wrong with Yukine?" he asked in a quieter voice.

Hiyori frowned. "Wrong?"

"Yeah. He's been weird all day. He let me sleep in and made breakfast and wanted to go to the capyper store instead of killing ayakashi and paid for everything without complaining and hasn't insulted me all day! He hasn't called me 'bakagami' once!"

She laughed. "He's just being nice, Yato."

"Nice? Yukine? No way!"

Yukine turned back as the stragglers trudged into the room and glared at Yato. "I can be nice."

"Not to me!"

"Of course I can!"

"Not for more than five seconds!"

Yukine frowned as he mulled that over. "…You really think so?"

Yato appealed to Hiyori, pleading with her with his eyes. "Come on, do you know? It's been driving me crazy all day! What if he's possessed? Or hit his head and forgot how to sass me? Is he mad at me? Or…" His eyes widened. "What if it's like when someone's really nice to you before breaking really bad news? What doesn't he want to tell me? What if he wants to leave or something?"

That last one hit him hard as it left his mouth, and his stomach clenched up in knots. He could fight aliens (probably) or try to cheer his kid up if something was wrong, but what if–?

"Whoa, whoa, calm down!" Hiyori said quickly. "You're way overthinking things. Do you know what today is?"

Yato stared at her. "Sunday?"

"No."

"It's…not?"

"Well, it is," Hiyori conceded, "but do you know what else it is?"

"…No?"

She shook her head but smiled at him. "It's Father's Day, Yato," she said gently.

The knots in his stomach that had just begun to ease twisted up again all at once until he thought he might throw up.

"Shhh, Hiyori!" Yukine hissed. "I was counting on him being too dense to figure it out!"

Hiyori laughed. "It's cute! With all he treats you as his kid, it's cute how every once in a while you treat him like a father."

Yato barely registered how Yukine's face had turned as red as a tomato. The bag slipped from his nerveless fingers and hit the floor with a loud thump.

Hiyori looked over, and her smile disappeared as she noticed his stricken expression. "Yato? What's wrong?"

The world tilted strangely, and Yato looked down at his hands to see that they were shaking.

"Fa…ther?" he repeated, his tongue thick in his mouth. The word rasped along his throat like sandpaper and tasted like ashes on his tongue. "I know I mess things up sometimes… I know that I can be annoying and not always a great person, but…

"But I don't punish you or hurt your friends or make you kill anyone or sic ayakashi on you or force you to follow orders or say you can't have friends or threaten you, so…why…?" His voice wavered and his hands blurred as unshed tears filmed his eyes. "Am I really that bad?"

He had tried so hard—so hard—so how had he screwed it up that badly?

"What?" Yukine's voice took on a panicked edge. "No, no, it's not–"

Yato didn't realize he was moving until his foot caught on the edge of a step and he went tumbling down the stairs, banging what felt like every inch of his body into the hard wood on the way down. The hard edge of a step dug into his back as he slid to a rocky stop just above the ground floor, limbs splayed awkwardly. A sharp ache radiated from the back of his head, and he blinked owlishly at Kofuku and Daikoku as they leaned over him. They seemed to waver strangely, but then so did the rest of the world.

"Are you okay?" Daikoku asked. It sounded a little like he was talking underwater. "Be careful!"

"What's wrong, Yato-chan?" asked Kofuku, her eyes big.

Yato blinked at them some more.

"Yato, wait!" Yukine called. Yato dropped his head back to thunk against the step above him. An upside-down Yukine was at the top of the stairs. Wood creaked as he drew closer. "I didn't mean–!"

It was too much. Everyone was converging on him at once, pressing too close until he felt like he was suffocating, and the whole world felt strange and his insides were all twisted into painful knots and he just needed to get out of there now.

He grasped for somewhere, anywhere, preferably somewhere his friends didn't know. He snatched at the first place that came to mind and threw himself through time and space, blinking out of existence and materializing just as quickly in a heap on the hard concrete cities away.

Chapter Text

Part 2

A long, long, long time ago this had been the site of one of Father's safe houses where he had kept Yato and Hiiro between jobs—a happy family home—but modernization had long since swept across the area. What had once been one of Yato's childhood prisons was now the underside of an overpass. He occasionally wound up here again from time to time when he was feeling particularly unhappy, and had even set up camp once or twice during his periods of rebellion when he had nowhere in particular to go and no one in particular to care.

He scrunched himself up against the concrete wall in the rubble of his childhood and buried his face in his knees. Why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't he ever do anything right?

Maybe it was like Father had always said: Yato was a magatsukami, a god of calamity, and all he ever brought anyone was death and destruction and misfortune and pain. It was what he had been born for, created to do, and it seemed like he could never outrun it no matter how hard he tried to change.

He had wanted so badly to escape his father and be someone else. Someone better. He didn't want to hurt Yukine like Father had hurt him, didn't want Yukine to look at him and see Father.

Yato hugged his knees tighter, his breath hitching as tears seeped through his pants to the skin beneath. For a brief moment, he idly wondered when he had last cried. Really, truly cried. He thought he had stopped that a long, long time ago, when he had learned that tears changed nothing and only amused Father and it was easier to push everything down and not feel too much at all.

But it hurt.

He knew he messed up a lot of things. When it came to everyone, but especially with Yukine. He annoyed Yukine and sometimes swiped money and teased a lot and pulled dumb pranks and could be kind of lazy and childish and self-absorbed and insensitive sometimes. But he hadn't realized…

He knew that what he did to Yukine wasn't nearly as bad as what Father did to him, but he hadn't realized that it was starting to approach the point where there was enough overlap for Yukine to start seeing them in a similar light. Why hadn't he noticed how bad things were getting?

He had always tried to make up for his shortcomings however he could: praising Yukine when he did a good job and bragging about him and making sure to give him affection and being careful not to let any of Father's manipulative tactics seep through. Yato had always been starved for genuine affection and had done so much—so much wrong—in his desperation to win approval from his father. Maybe he sometimes smothered Yukine in too much affection because he was overcompensating, but he just wanted to make sure the kid got what he'd never had and didn't feel like he had to earn love.

So maybe he had messed up, but he had tried. He had had good intentions. Even when he had no idea what he was doing or how he could best support Yukine, he had done his best to cobble together some kind of family that might just make the kid happy or at least make him feel like he had a place to belong.

Why didn't it count? Why was he such a screw-up? Why did he always end up hurting everyone? Why couldn't he do just one thing right?

He had just wanted…

He had just wanted to make his kid happy.

Yato jerked his head up so fast that it slammed back into the concrete, and he hissed out a strangled curse and clutched at his throbbing skull.

Gosh, he was an idiot.

His kid.

He had practically adopted Yukine. It had been a rocky relationship at first, but he had started feeling that protective sort of familial ownership after the ablution and really admitted to himself and the world that Yukine was no longer just some kid but his kid after the shinki had admitted to feeling a similar sense of kinship by becoming his hafuri. He had been calling Yukine his kid ever since, and he meant it.

If he treated the shinki like his kid, why hadn't it occurred to him that Yukine might eventually start seeing him as some kind of father figure, or at least some sort of guardian? Not all fathers were like Yato's, even if the entire breed was tainted in his eyes because of his own experiences. Underneath all of Yukine's gruffness and brattiness, he was still a sweet, innocent kid. It would never occur to him to compare Yato to his father, even if that might be Yato's gut reaction. He wasn't being weird because he was upset or scared or thought he had to act a certain way to keep Yato appeased—he was genuinely trying to do something nice.

And Yato had completely freaked out.

He groaned and dropped his face into his hands. His chest was tight and aching, and it wasn't only from his own pain; Yukine was upset too now.

He had totally misread that. And he had definitely screwed up, just not in the way he had first thought. It should have occurred to him that fathers meant something very different to most people. It had just so completely blindsided him that his brain hadn't had time to catch up before completely melting down.

He really did see Yukine as his kid—he did—but he had never considered himself anything like a father even when he dabbled in filling the role. He didn't want to. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with anything at all related to fathers, in the same way that he preferred to keep some distance between himself and anything that was too much like Father. He didn't want to feel like he was in even a remotely similar position, and thinking of himself as Yukine's parent was frightening because it put him in a position where he could become another Father if he screwed up. That was something he didn't want to do to anyone, and especially not to Yukine.

Maybe that was stupid. He was just as fiercely protective either way, would love the kid the same, would fill the same role. But he had never given that label to himself because it made him sick to share anything with Father, even something that simple.

But maybe that was selfish. It was one thing to let Father break him down and turn him into a cynical, paranoid wreck, but it was quite another to let that trauma affect Yukine too. Yato wasn't on his own anymore, unattached with no one to care about and no one to care about him. He had a responsibility to Yukine, and he couldn't let his own insecurities and trauma impact his kid's well-being.

"I'm not like you," he whispered to the empty air, swiping his sleeve across his eyes and then staring down at his hands as they hovered there in the air, palms up and trembling ever so slightly. "And I'm not going to let you wreck my relationship with my kid."

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the concrete as he took some deep, cleansing breaths and waited for the knot in his chest to ease. He needed to go set things right, but only once he was sure he was calm enough to do it without having another meltdown.

Pull yourself together, bakagami.

A series of sharp, needling little pains continued to echo in his chest after he had finally coaxed most of the tension back out of his body. Yukine. The breath escaped Yato's lips in a sigh. How long had it been now? An hour, maybe? Long past time to do some damage control.

He pulled himself to his feet, wincing at the protesting bruises the stairs had inflicted on him and the dull throbbing of his head, and set his mouth in a determined line. He stepped forward, and the ground blurred beneath his foot as it melted into the sidewalk in front of Kofuku's shrine.

Kofuku and Daikoku appeared from the kitchen the second Yato opened the door.

"Are you alright, Yato-chan?" Kofuku asked. "Your eyes are all red."

Yato smiled wanly. "Fine. Is Yukine here?"

"He and Hiyorin are upstairs."

"The kid means well," Daikoku said quietly.

Yato closed his eyes. "I know. He just…caught me by surprise. I'll…fix it. Hopefully."

"Good luck, Yato-chan."

Daikoku sighed and shook his head. "Don't be too hard on yourself."

Yato waved his hand in acknowledgment and started up the stairs. The door at the top was cracked open and quiet voices drifted down.

"Are you sure it's a good idea?" Yukine was asking. "What if it just freaks him out more?"

"I'm sure you'll both feel better when you clear up the misunderstanding," Hiyori said. "Just be honest about how you feel, and I'm sure he'll get it."

Yato pushed the door open, slipped inside, and closed it quietly behind him, to find that Yukine and Hiyori had dragged the table out to the middle of the floor and were sitting across from each other.

Hiyori spotted Yato first. "Yato!" She bit her lip, and her eyes were filled with concern. "Are you okay?"

Yukine startled and whipped around, going pale when he noticed the god. He snatched a piece of paper off the table and shoved it underneath. "I…"

Yato hesitated, shifting awkwardly and fighting not to curl into himself and hunch his shoulders, but then drifted over to sit down at the side of the table between his friends. He folded his hands in his lap to forestall their restless fidgeting and stared down at the tabletop.

"I'm sorry for freaking out on you," he said, clearing his throat. "You just…caught me off guard. I shouldn't have… I know you were just trying to make a nice gesture, and I'm sorry for ruining it. I'm not upset with you. It's just…"

"Your father," Yukine mumbled. Yato snuck a sidelong look at him to see that he had hunched over and was twisting his hands together absently. "I didn't even… I never considered that. I–"

"And you were right not to. It's not something you should be worrying about, and you had no reason to make that connection." Yato sighed and bowed his head as he pressed his fingers to his forehead. His head ached something terrible, and this wasn't helping. "That's my problem, not yours. It has nothing to do with you or my relationship with you."

"But–"

"Just–just listen for a second. It blindsided me so badly because I've never once considered myself any kind of father to you. And that's not because… It's because being a father means something entirely different to me than it means to you, not because I don't think you're my kid. Because I do. I know I say it so much that it starts sounding silly, but I mean it. I'm trying to build a family with you.

"The kind of father you need, the one you deserve…" Yato pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, which felt achy and swollen in a way they hadn't in centuries. "I don't know how to be that, and maybe I'm too afraid of becoming my father to try. But… I appreciate what you were trying to accomplish today. I don't want you to think that I freaked out because you misunderstood something about my intentions. You're my kid, and that hasn't changed whatever I do or don't think of myself as. Whatever label you want to put on it—on me—is okay. I'm…okay with that. It just might take some getting used to, that's all.

"Whatever I have or haven't considered myself as, I…still love you just as much. It's not because you don't have a right to think of me as a–a father or guardian or whatever. It's not something wrong with you—it's a problem on my end. But I want to… I want to be that for you. What a normal father is supposed to be. I'm really…really honored that you think that. It just scares me a little bit because I don't want to be in a position to hurt you the way he hurt me. I… I freaked out because I was afraid I was hurting you, not because I don't want to be your family. I don't want you to think …"

Yato trailed off and his shoulders slumped. He was rambling and not making sense and he wasn't sure how to get his point across. It was a tangled mess, and he was no good at articulating his thoughts at the best of times. He hoped he wasn't just making it worse.

Yukine sucked in a ragged breath. "Bakagami," he rasped.

Despite the severity of the situation, one corner of Yato's mouth twitched upwards. "Ahhh, there it is. I was starting to worry when you hadn't called me an idiot all day."

Yukine's fingers tightened into white-knuckled fists in his lap, and his mop of blond hair shielded his expression as he stared down at the table. "If you think you're anything like your dad, you're an idiot. Here." He pulled the paper out from where he'd hidden it beneath the table, folded it in half, and shoved it roughly at the god without looking at him. Yato took it automatically. "I told Daikoku I'd help with dinner."

He stood up abruptly and strode quickly across the room, pulling the door shut behind him with a loud thud as he stormed out and down the stairs.

Yato winced. "I really messed that up."

"He's just worried about you," Hiyori said quietly. She sniffed and scrubbed the back of her hand across her eyes.

"Thanks for staying with him," Yato said.

"Of course. Just…" She scooted around the corner of the table, hesitated, and then slipped her hand into Yato's free hand and squeezed it gently. "I don't think you're like your father, and neither does Yukine. It's horrible what he did to you and how he treats you, but you've never once done anything like that to Yukine…or any of the rest of us. You shouldn't be shouldering his sins like they're your own. You aren't responsible for him. You're your own person, and a much better one than him at that."

Yato swallowed hard. He wanted to believe that. He did have plenty of sins of his own, whether or not gods were supposed to sin at all, and they mostly stemmed from Father. In a way, they did share many of their wrongdoings. But Yato didn't want to be like that anymore. He did want to be his own person. And most of all, he wanted Hiyori and Yukine to see him as someone better than that.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "I'm working on it. Thanks."

Hiyori sighed and stood. "I should really go. My dad is probably back by now."

"Yeah. Sorry we kept you. Don't worry—have a nice dinner."

"It's alright." She drifted to the door and pulled it open, but then paused in the doorway and turned back. "You might not be perfect, but you do a good job with Yukine. He really loves you, you know. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself—you always do your best by him, and it's been amazing watching you two become a family after such a rocky start. And he's a good judge of character. If he wanted to celebrate Father's Day with you, it's because you're a good dad even if you don't realize it."

She disappeared down the stairs, leaving the door cracked open a couple inches behind her. Yato wasn't sure what to make of that. The whole thing still made him uncomfortable, but he trusted Hiyori's judgment. She knew more about this stuff than he did, anyway. And he really wanted to believe that he hadn't screwed things up that badly.

He looked down at the folded page in his hand. That had Hiyori's name written all over it too. Yukine was not the kind of person to write notes, but it was something Hiyori might suggest.

The thing was clearly a ticking time bomb. Judging by Yukine's haste to escape after handing it over, it was clear he didn't want to be here when Yato read it. So it probably wasn't anything good. What if he was mad that–?

Yato shook his head sharply. No overthinking and jumping to conclusions this time. That had already gotten him into trouble today, and he would only work himself into another meltdown. No point speculating when he could just read the thing.

But he didn't want to.

He put it on the table and busied himself emptying the shopping bags of their capyper goodies and sticking his prizes around the room. He kept catching himself throwing wary looks at the unassuming bit of paper, but did his best to ignore it right up until he ran out of things to do.

It wasn't like he could put it off forever. Yukine obviously expected him to read it, and the kid would be upset if he didn't. And after the dramatic freak-out earlier, Yato probably owed him at least that much.

Yato snatched the note off the table and unfolded it gingerly as he sat down right in the middle of the floor and braced himself. The entire page was covered in messy scrawl and dozens and dozens of scratched-out bits. It looked painful. Yukine clearly hadn't had an easy time of it if all the scratch-outs and re-dos were anything to go by, which probably meant it wasn't something that would be easy to read either.

Yato took a deep breath and squinted at the messy tangle of scribbles and words.

Yato,

A few days ago, Hiyori was talking about what she wanted to do with her dad for Father's Day. Sometime during that conversation, it hit me that that was exactly the kind of thing that would have set me off a year ago, when I was still a mess and felt like I didn't have any family or friends and was bitter about everything I had lost and couldn't remember and couldn't have anymore.

But it didn't bother me the way it would have then, and I thought about it for a while and realized it was because I didn't really feel like I was missing that anymore. You and Hiyori and Kofuku and Daikoku are like my family now.

I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't even consider what your dad was like. I'm sorry. I don't think you're anything like him.

It's not really about Father's Day itself or even fathers at all, so we don't have to call it that if you don't want to. I really just wanted to do something nice to maybe show you how much I appreciate everything you've done for me. You saved me in the beginning when most gods wouldn't have, even when I was being ungrateful and hurting you. You eventually gave me your trust and let me guide you so that I felt like I had a purpose. You protect me and pester me when you feel that something's wrong and cheer me up when I'm scared or upset. And you called me your kid and worked really hard to build a family for me and gave me a place where I really felt like I belonged.

I don't say it very often because you can also be really annoying and drive me crazy and I'm not good with touchy-feely stuff, but I really appreciate all of that. So thank you.

And come to think of it, that's all pretty much the opposite of your dad, so please don't think that's what I think. You're way better than that. And if all this makes you uncomfortable because of him, you can just ignore it and not think about it that way. I like being your kid no matter what you call yourself.

I'm sorry for upsetting you, but for what it's worth, we have a good family either way and I'm really happy with you.

Love,
Yukine

Yato's fingers trembled above the two scribbled-out words Yukine had deliberated over before choosing his closing and then pressed lightly to 'love'. A droplet of water wrinkled the page and smeared the ink, but Yato tried to convince himself that he wasn't crying again for a moment longer before giving up.

Paper rustled as his fingers tightened around the page, and he hunched over the letter in his lap. It hurt, a sharp, bittersweet pang in his chest, but in a good way this time.

No one had ever told him those things before.

It was hard to believe that he deserved all that, but Yukine had a hard enough time expressing such sentiments to him at the best of times and wouldn't subject himself to such torture without a good reason.

Yato knew he screwed up a lot and had more than his fair share of flaws and might not always be the best person, but he must be doing something right. If Yukine was happy, if he felt like he had a home and a family and someone to rely on who would love him for who he was, then Yato was finally doing something right.

He huddled there on the floor, snuffling and trying to wrap his head around what Yukine was trying to tell him. It was so surreal that he wasn't sure it had entirely settled in yet, and he was a little bit afraid that it would shimmer and disappear like a mirage if he looked at it too closely.

"Didn't you hear me calling?" Yukine huffed, and the door creaked as he pushed it open the rest of the way. "Dinner is almost ready, so come–" He broke off, eyes going wide as saucers as Yato raised his head. "Y-Yato? Oh no, oh no, I messed it up again. I'm sorry." He rushed over to drop to his knees by the shivering god, but his hands hovered helplessly in the air as panic clouded his features. "Ahhh, I'm no good at this stuff. Do you have your phone? Let me call Hiyori. I'm sure she can fix–"

Yato threw his arms around Yukine and dragged him close, ignoring his startled squawk. He hugged his kid tight and rocked rhythmically as he buried his tears in Yukine's hair.

"I'm sorry," he choked out past the sob strangling his voice. "I'll be anything you need me to be. I didn't want– But if you–" He squeezed his eyes shut and shuddered under the pressure of another building sob. "Only for you."

Yukine mumbled something that was muffled and unintelligible, but Yato was crying too hard to bother asking him to repeat it. Small hands slithered around his sides and clutched the back of his jersey, and it sounded suspiciously like Yukine was sniffling.

Yato didn't know what he was supposed to say, not being any good with words at the best of times and having very little experience with the kind he would need, so he just hugged Yukine tight as if he could hold them together just like that. And Yukine didn't pull away, so maybe he could.

"They're having a bonding moment!" Kofuku said loudly. Yato's head snapped up, and he spotted her wedged in the doorway, hand cupped around her mouth as she called back down the stairs to Daikoku. "There's lots of hugging and crying and it's cuuute!"

"Kofuku!" Yato hissed as Yukine wriggled in his arms.

Kofuku grinned, eyes shining with delight. "Dinner's ready, so come down when you're done. But take your time!"

She disappeared again, footsteps thundering back down the stairs as she hopped down them two at a time. Yato shook his head and swiped his sleeve across his eyes before looking down at Yukine's upturned, considerably red face. There wasn't anything quite like an overexcited Kofuku interrupting everything to bring a crying jag to a screeching stop. Yato pulled in a cleansing breath that wavered only slightly.

"Do you want to go down?" he asked, clearing his throat when his voice sounded too thick and raspy.

Yukine sniffed and rubbed his eyes and then leaned back against Yato, dropping his head against the god's chest. "In a minute," he mumbled.

Yato swallowed and reached out to brush the hair out of his kid's face, a gesture of affection that Yukine wouldn't normally stand for. But today Yukine only pressed closer and let Yato hold him.

It was all very touching until Yato noticed the kid was still wearing a bright blue t-shirt with a giant capyper on the front.

"Are you still wearing that thing?" he asked in disbelief. He wondered how something so glaringly obvious could have escaped his attention, but he supposed more important things had been going on. "You can take it off, you know. I was just trying to bait you into insulting me."

Yukine pulled away and leaned back, and Yato let him go even though it felt cold without his warmth.

"You were what?"

Yato puffed out his cheeks in remembered exasperation. "I was being extra annoying all day, but I never managed to get a rise out of you."

Yukine shook his head slowly and pulled the offending shirt up over his head, his red-rimmed eyes shining with disbelief. "Only you would rather be insulted than have someone be nice to you."

"I thought something was wrong with you! You didn't insult me all day! It was freaky and unnatural!" Yato paused and then mumbled, "I'm glad the aliens didn't get you."

Yukine stared, goggle-eyed. "Aliens?"

"Well, something was obviously wrong."

"And your first thought was aliens?"

"Of course not!" Yato said indignantly. "At first I thought you had gotten possessed or hit your head and forgot how to sass me. And then I thought maybe you were mad at me and were trying to poison me with that super suspicious breakfast. Then I thought maybe you were just sick or something. And then I thought maybe the aliens got you."

"…I like how possession and brain trauma were somehow more believable than that I just wasn't feeling well." Yukine shook his head. "Why do you immediately jump to the worst case scenario?"

"I did not," Yato muttered.

"What's worse than brain damage and aliens?"

"…The worst case scenario would be that I screwed up something so badly that you felt like you had to change yourself and be on your best behavior to keep me satisfied."

Yukine winced. "Yato…"

"It's okay to sass me sometimes," Yato said, letting his gaze wander along the walls. "You don't have to be a perfect little angel for me to be happy, nor should you feel like you have to be anything more than yourself to 'earn' affection. I… I love you just the way you are, teenage brattiness and all. You don't need to change that. I'd rather you just be yourself."

Yukine was quiet for a few seconds before mumbling, "I guess. Although, to be fair, maybe I should try being a little nicer if your first thought when I'm nice is that I've been brainwashed by aliens."

"Okay, that was like my fifth thought. And you're nice to other people, just not to me."

"…And that makes it better how?"

Yato finally tore his gaze from its aimless wandering to search his kid's red-eyed, splotchy-cheeked face. "I don't mind. I know how to read between the lines, and you have your own ways of saying that you care. Didn't I just say that you should be yourself?"

"Yeah… Maybe we can meet in the middle."

Yato watched him for a few more seconds before mumbling, "Thanks, Yukine."

"Huh? For what?"

He dropped his gaze to the letter still clutched in his hand. "You meant it? You're…? You're happy here?"

"Of course I…" Yukine trailed off and the floorboards creaked softly beneath his feet as he stood up to take something tucked beneath the base of his lamp. He sat down next to Yato and frowned down at the drawing of them and Hiyori that the god had given him earlier. "Don't we look happy? That's why I wanted you to add yourself… We need you too. We're happier together, don't you think?"

Yato's thumb pressed against the damp spot wrinkling Yukine's letter next to 'love'. "Yeah," he whispered. He swallowed hard and tears pricked at the very corners of his eyes again. "We should… We should probably go down."

Yukine nodded and stood back up, avoiding the god's gaze. "Yeah, I'm starved."

"If… If you want…" Yato worried his lower lip with his teeth. "There will still be a few hours left of…of Father's Day after dinner, if you want to do something, just you and me."

Yukine whipped back around and his whole face lit up. "Sure!"

"Maybe… Maybe something we'd both enjoy this time."

Yukine chewed on the inside of his cheek, brow furrowing in thought, and then turned abruptly pink and began toeing at the floor awkwardly again. "You could, um, maybe teach me how to draw?"

"Sure."

"Really?" Yukine darted a glance up from beneath his lashes, and a shy, sweet kind of smile Yato wasn't used to receiving tugged at the corners of his lips. Cute. So the kid could be sweet when he took a step back from the snark.

"I don't see why not." Yato pulled himself to his feet and breezed past Yukine and out the door. "In a few centuries, I'm sure you'll be able to draw a passable stick figure."

"H-hey!"

Yato smiled to himself as he folded the letter back up and slipped it into his pocket.

This whole fatherhood thing was still new to him, and more than a little uncomfortable. It felt wrong and made him uneasy and was a lot of responsibility he wasn't confident in his ability to handle. It was a little frightening, and he didn't doubt that it would make him uncomfortable for a long time to come. It would take a while to get used to the idea, and he could already tell that it was going to be difficult.

But he would try. He would give it his best because Yukine deserved the best. Even when it was a struggle, even when it was hard and painful and he felt like he was failing miserably, he would make sure he kept going and figured it out.

There was a letter in his pocket and a smile on Yukine's face, and that was what would make it all worth it.