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The light was mostly off, only his own bedside-lamp still on but Jooheon could still see the others features well because of the light his phone screen spent. Minhyuk was playing some game, looking concentrated and fierce. And while he really didn’t want to play in the opposing team, to him it looked adorable. Eyebrows scrunched up and face a tense frown, he wanted to lounge forward and kiss his cheeks.
He himself was playing some game, too, but got distracted by the other so he now just laid on his bed, phone forgotten, watching the other play his game and probably winning it, while hoping he wouldn’t be caught. He quickly pulled his gaze away when the others face lit up in excitement and he put his phone up to his face again, to make it seem like he didn’t just spend a long time staring at Minhyuk.
He got interrupted in pretending, though, by the other calling him. He looked up, his question showing on his face.
“Do you want to sleep together? I like it more,” was all he said and needed to say, to make Jooheon leave his own and join the other on his bed. He didn’t even need more than ten seconds.
He laid down next to Minhyuk, facing him, while the other was still sitting, finishing the current round of the game, with a small yell of victory, before he looked at Jooheon. He smiled, and quickly stretched his arm to turn off the light and laid down, too. He was facing Jooheon as well, smiling softly as he lifted his hand and started stroking his hair.
“You know, you never say so, but I see how you like it when people pet your hair. It’s cute,” he
said.
Jooheon flushed dark pink, it was true but how was one supposed to say that, it at least wasn’t really his idea of starting a conversation.
“Thanks, I guess? I do like it,” he smiled.
It was a ´thanks´ that Minhyuk had noticed, not for calling him cute. A ‘thanks’ for everything and every time Minhyuk noticed him, noticed what he needed, what he wanted, when he was too quiet to say it aloud. But the other didn’t have to know that. Maybe one day he would tell him, but not now. He was too focused on the soft fingers in his hair, stroking through it and massaging his scalp. He was tired but moments like this were more important to him.
“You´re welcome.“
He wanted to blurt out that he liked him right there and then, just to get it out. But he didn’t want to stop being them afterwards. He didn’t think that Minhyuk would be angry, or weirded out, or anything alike, but he would stop being so close and being himself, probably. He didn’t want that. He would never want that, and the feeling was pleasant enough to just go with it.
Jooheon had liked him for quite a while, and mostly he didn’t really mind not telling him but sometimes, mostly in moments like this, he wondered how his body would feel, exploding when kissing the other. He had thought of a million ways to tell Minhyuk, dramatic and pompous ways with a lot of roses and music and maybe some expensive gifts, to ways that were really small. Like telling him while Minhyuk took off his makeup and accessories and looked so pretty while also looking so exhausted. And Jooheon would stand next to him, wishing his love would make the shadows go away, would make the color in his cheeks return.
Maybe those were the moments where Jooheon wanted to say it the most, when the other was so tired from their long days. Or when he seemed so fragile because he didn’t feel like he was good enough again. But Jooheon also wanted to say it so badly, when the other was so focused on a game that his face looked like made from stone.
Or when he shared his food with him, or when he was all bright and smiley, or when he was radiating with energy on stage or in an interview.
He felt a poke on his nose, and he focused back onto Minhyuk.
“Hey, don’t space out on me,” he whispered.
Jooheon wasn’t used to him being so quiet, it did happen sometimes but not often and since everything the other did was mesmerizing to him, this was double as confusing.
“Is everything okay? I´m not used to you being this quiet, I mean, it’s okay, totally. I´m just wondering, a little confused too.“
He almost choked when Minhyuk cut him off by laying his head onto his chest.
His ear was pretty much directly above his heart, and Jooheons toes curled at the feeling and the view of his face in the dark. Even though there was barely any source of light, he could still decipher his face a little. He had stopped petting his hair through the change of position, but he didn’t care.
He instead started drawing patterns onto Minhyuks skin. On his exposed arms and shoulders, his neck and the part of his spine that he could reach. Tracing his fingers lightly over it, as not to hurt the other. He kept doing that for a while, hoping the other enjoyed it, until he was brave enough to touch his face. He followed the slope of his nose, the arch of his eyebrows, his cheekbones and jaw, moving his finger gently over his eyelids and cupid bow. He continued with combing his fingers through his hair, tugging at it slightly and twirling the ends between his fingers.
“I don’t know what to say,” it wasn’t loud, merely whispering.
“You don’t have to say anything, Min,” he whispered back.
“I know, I know. With you I never have to, I can be quiet but also, you never complain when I’m being loud. Okay,” he giggled, but it felt of bitter at the same time, “sometimes you do, but you’re never angry. Or, at least not for long. But I want to say something, I just, I don’t know how. It’s so, so, complicated. I just, I don’t know,” he huffed, a little uneasy. He rubbed his hands over his face, making him seen a lot more exhausted then the second before. Being at a loss for words was rare for him as well, and Jooheon had also no idea how to handle this.
“Isn’t that something good, though? I like that you can be yourself with me.”
Minhyuk lifted his hand, placing a finger gently onto his cheek, roaming around to find his dimples. Jooheon smile widened at that, deepening his dimples, he knew the other liked them and he liked that he liked them.
“Sure, it is good, it’s the best thing ever. But, I don’t know, what if one day you’re gone? What if one day I couldn’t hold you anymore, so you walked away? If I became too less for you to stay? Too less for us to work? I don’t want that to happen, I-, I think I can’t go through that, it scares me,” his voice was almost choked. Heavy with what seemed like tears and definitely a lot of sadness, it practically dripped from his words. He wondered how long Minhyuk had been thinking about that, and not talking about it.
“I’m not here because of you keeping me here. Really not. Sure, it maybe would have taken a little longer for us to become friends if you hadn’t talked to me first, but, I’m here because I don’t want to go. Because I want to stay. Not because you’re making me stay. I’m here because I like being here, like being with you, and because,” he swallowed, maybe this was the time, finally the right moment to tell him, maybe not. But his guts told him to just do it.
“I like you.”
He wasn’t sure what to think, what to feel between his racing heart and thoughts, trying to outrun each other. On the one hand it wasn’t big and cheerful or really cheesy and romantic, but on the other hand, it just had felt like the right moment. Just like now was the moment he had waited for. But still, his breathing hitched as Minhyuk shifted a little on top of him, his thumb laying on his chin and softly caressing it while his index finger was still on Jooheons cheek, only his dimples gone.
“Say it again,” his voice was still careful and thick with emotions, but it made Jooheon hope.
“I-, I like you,” still, he was nervous, and his heartbeat faster.
“Again.“
“I like you. I like you. I like you, I like you a hell lot.“
“Again. Again, again, please.“
He pushed himself up into a sitting position, at least a bit more like sitting, causing Minhyuk to prop himself onto his elbows. He huffed, combing his fingers through his hair. His whole body was exploding, and his cheeks burned in a deep pink.
“I like you Min, I like you a fucking lot and, its more than I have ever felt, I think. And it’s great and beautiful, it’s so amazing, you know? Every time I look at you or when we touch, there are so many butterflies in my stomach that I can hardly breath. And I get goosebumps, but those good ones, like in the summer when an unexpected breeze hits you and for a second you can cool down. You can make days great, and greater, it’s more than I can ever describe. But I will still try. And I wish for everyone to feel like this. And when you are sad I want to tell you, because I hope you will feel the same as I do, so you will get happier again,” he breathed in deeply, shaking a bit, “Min, I like you a lot. A lot lot. I like you so much, you could break my heart, since I am giving you the chance to, because I know you won’t,” he whispered, but it felt like he had screamed. His lungs aching as he tried to breathe properly.
He was startled when something touched his nose, he didn’t notice Minhyuk sat up or that he leaned forward, until he got so close that their noses bumped together. He rubbed their noses against each other, and even though they have been this close before, it felt a lot better this time. A lot more real.
“You are adorable. Like, so, so adorable. And romantic and cheesy, it’s so perfect. How do you just know what to say? That’s not fair,” he laughed lightly, “Why can you make my fear just disappear, hm?” he nudged their noses together again, and Jooheon smiled
“But, what, what if have them again? I know they’re not gone, I don’t even know if they will ever be completely gone. Today it wasn’t bad, just the first time I told you, what if, I don’t know what, but what if?”
Jooheon didn’t like how the older spoke right now. He didn’t not care about that, it was a fear of Minhyuk and he didn’t like that, of course not. But he wasn’t worried about it destroying something in between them, whatever this could be.
“It will be okay, I’ll just keep telling you. I´ll wake you up saying how much I like you, and I will kiss you good night telling you that I don’t want to go. And if you´re scared, then you are. It will happen, but fears are just that, fears. They will go by. You will come to me, and I will tell you that I like you lots and lots, and then it will go by.“
He could hear Minhyuk sobbing by now, so he pulled him into a hug. He whispered sweet words into his ear over and over. And Minhyuk whispered back. Telling the other that he liked him, too. Had for a while now but he was faster with confessing. He smiled, dimples deep and big, happy that he listened to his guts. They laid down again, cuddled together closely now, with their limbs tangled up in other.
He had stopped crying, chin propped up on Jooheons chest, facing him. He felt like he saw him in a way no one else did, it gave him goosebumps. He felt so special under the gaze, he didn’t even think about becoming uncomfortable. He could have stayed like this forever, both of them just looking at each other, he didn’t think he could ever get enough of Minhyuk. He liked to look at him, imagining stories about how he got that scar, the freckles on his forehead, whatever he found. He got interrupted though, from none other than the boy laying on top of him. He slowly got closer, inching forward while getting on his knees and leaning a bit forward, to not to be too heavy on top of the
“Can I kiss you?”
Jooheon didn’t answer, he just got closer. His eyes fixed on the others lips, he had thought about this for a while now. There had been occasions where their lips were so close, he could at least imagine how it would
But kissing him, really kissing him, was something completely different. It sent sparks through his spine, every bone seemingly electric for a second and then exploding beneath his ribs. The explosions close to his heart were the strongest ones, pressing onto his lungs so harshly that it was hard for him to breathe.
Jooheons hands rested on his shoulders, one moving upwards to rest on his cheeks. Gently brushing through his hair with his fingertips. While one of Minhyuks hands was on his chest, the other on his cheek, fingers roaming over his skin. He liked the way it felt, how everything with him felt like.
“I like you,” he whispered again after they parted.
Which ended in Minhyuk peppering kisses all over his face, while he giggled.
“I do too, I do too, I do too,”
Each word was whispered between the kisses, getting a little louder, until the last one was squealed quite loudly. But even when he didn’t talk anymore he still continued to kiss Jooheon, onto his cheeks and dimples, nose, eyebrows and chin. Pressing kisses onto everywhere until he focused on his lips
Making out with Minhyuk was so much better than he imagined, and he had imagined it to be absolutely life changing. But maybe, it was more that Minhyuk liked him too, that made it so great. That made his lips feel like fucking velvet on his and that made his body tickle and shudder, his hands shaky but buried in the others hair, keeping him.
He wouldn’t let go in a long time, hell no.