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To say that you were not a morning person would probably be considered as an understatement. You absolutely hated morning to your guts. Waking up early was not for you. People trying to make conversation with you? They’d generally end up running away scared by the death glare you would shoot their way. The cute girls who woke up fresh with slightly messed up hair but in a cute way? That wasn’t you. You’d generally wake up with the mark of your pillow on your cheek, half of your face red from being buried into the said pillow, your hair peaking in all directions, your eyes puffy and skin definitely not glowing. You were a mess.
But since you had joined the Avengers initiative a few months ago, you had to change that attitude. You had to become a morning person unless you wanted your ass to be kicked by Natasha during training or Steve to send you running 5k for snapping at him.
After a few weeks, you all had came to a compromise: they would all let you sulk in peace until you put a step in the gym. During breakfast, they were not allowed to talk to you unless you talked first. But when it was training time, you would have to show motivation and keep your foul mouth shut.
It seemed to work okay from now. To tell the truth, life around the compound was easy now. At first it was a little bit intimidating to be surrounded by such amazing people when you were a simple human being. But you really felt like you were part of the team. Getting along with everybody had been rather simple considering you had common interests with everybody: your past in the army made you and Sam click right away, which also caught Steve’s attention. Your hand-to-hand fight skills piqued Nat’s interested, she even claimed you were her favorite training partner. You knew enough about technology to exchange with Tony but you were mostly good at giving him shit, which he found oddly exhilarating. Wanda was the person you had the most normal interactions with. Being about the same age, you hanged out together more often than not, whether it was at the tower or outside, shopping.
Yes, you got along with pretty much everybody at the tower. Everybody but Bucky. You didn’t know what you had ever do to him, or even if it was personal or if he just didn’t like people, but the guy never shared more than three words in a row with you. Most times he ended up avoiding looking at you when you were in the same room or even fleeing if you joined a group he was in. It was making frustration building inside of you because Bucky really looked like a sweet and decent guy.
You knew enough about his past and everything he went through to actually admire him. You knew he would have a lot to teach you if he eventually deigned to talk to you. And another annoying detail about him was that you had to admit he didn’t let you indifferent.
Bucky was more that decent looking. The many times you had caught him smiling at Steve or Nat had make your own lips curl up because of the way his entire face lit up and his eyes crinkled. He had the most infectious smile. You also caught yourself staring at him sparing with Steve. Or, to be perfectly candid, Nat and Sam had caught you staring at Bucky. But you simply couldn’t help yourself. The way his body moved was fascinating because, despite his very massive form, his movements were fluid and smooth and allowed you to see each of his muscles move under the fabric of his shirt. And this arm, oh, his arm.
Everything about this arm fascinated you and if Bucky had managed not to catch you looking at him most of the time, he definitely caught you looking at the arm, several times. You ended up looking away, feeling your face burning up in embarrassment, missing the way Bucky always pulled down his sleeve lower on his left hand, feeling too self conscious about the metal limb. After that, you knew Bucky wasn’t particularly a big fan of yours. And, honestly, you couldn’t blame him, you too would hate anyone who would just stare at you without saying a word.
You had sometimes tried to chat with him, commenting on what he was watching on tv, asking him if he needed something from the grocery store, but every time he just avoided looking up at you, answered by grunting and mumbling and it ended up in either one of you leaving the other one standing awkwardly in the room. The only moment you willingly sat down next to him was in the morning, for breakfast. Since he was the only one never trying to communicate with you, it was perfect because neither one of you had to pretend to make small talks.
So, every morning, it was the same ritual. After putting on you gym clothes, somehow putting your hair up and out of your face, you dragged yourself to the kitchen for your daily dose of caffeine. Most of the team was already there, chatting and planning the day. You were usually greeted by a collective and cheerful “good morning, sunshine!“ to which you grunted in answer without looking up as you walked to the coffee machine. Like everyday, you found your coffee waiting for you, already poured in your favorite mug next to a bowl of oatmeal.
After taking the mug and bowl, you walked to the only spot available around the table, the seat next to Bucky’s. He was usually deeply focus on his pile on pancakes that was drowning in syrup and butter. As usual, he was hiding behind a curtain of hair, avoiding any eye contact. Being still half asleep, you couldn’t care less. You just wanted silence. And you had to admit than sitting next to him was rather nice. You could feel his overheated skin radiating through his long sleeve t-shirt and against your bare arms. You tried very hard to suppress a shiver a dug your face in your mug to swallow half of your coffee.
Once you felt the caffeine starting to shoot through your system, you put down the mug and took a spoonful of oatmeal. You winced when you realized it wasn’t sweet and automatically looked around for the syrup. You mentally cursed when you noticed the bottle on Bucky’s opposite side, too far away for you to reach for it without leaning against Bucky. The thought made your skin burn again in embarrassment. You didn’t know which one of you would be the most uncomfortable about you leaning against him but you knew it wouldn’t be pretty. So instead, you simply cleared your throat.
“Could you pass me the syrup, please?” your morning voice was hoarser than usual and you felt Bucky tensing next to you before his face snapped in your direction.
His lips parted slightly and his eyes wide in what you guess was surprise that you actually formed words with your mouth before training. When in fact Bucky was internally panicking that you were talking to him. Morning was supposed to be the only time of the day he didn’t have to worry about being weird around you. You were not supposed to talk. You were supposed to sit down next to him in a comfortable silence so he could enjoy your company and the warmth on your skin so close to his in peace, without making a fool of himself.
But noooo. Today you had decided to break the rule. Bucky could see the entire team behind you looking at you too, half surprised, half amused. He looked liked a deer caught in headlights and he knew he would never hear the end of it.
“Wh-what?” Bucky stuttered before clearing his throat when he realized his voice came out a little too squeaky.
You sighed. You hated to repeat yourself and hated that, despite him never talking to you, he somehow seemed to make that joke when you talk in the morning and everybody pretends it’s a miracle.
“The syrup, please,” you repeated, looking at the bottle because, despite it all, his eyes were still too piercing to your liking.
Bucky blinked before following your gaze. When his brain finally started to make sense of what you were asking for, Bucky mentally cursed himself. He just realized he forgot to add the sweetener in your porridge when he made it because Sam had started teasing him.
“You know, Frozone, if we told Y/N that you’re the one making her breakfast in the morning, I’m sure she’d fine a way to properly thank you,” Sam had winked and burst into laughters when Bucky’s cheeks had turned red and he dropped the jar of cinnamon on the counter and spilling it everywhere.
It had taken him forever to clean up the counter and, in the process, he forgot to add syrup in the porridge. Bucky’s cheeks turned red again at the memory/
“Sure,” he mumbled.
And, with his super soldier speed, he grabbed the bottle of syrup before placing it in front of you, ignoring your hand lifted up mid-air, ready to catch it. You suppressed an annoyed sigh when he immediately focused again on his breakfast and resigned yourself to do the same, ignoring the team snickering laughters behind you.
God, you knew you weren’t a constant delight but you were not that bad. You huffed under your breath and poured some syrup in your bowl before angrily digging in your food, knowing Nat would kick your ass during training so you would much rather have a full stomach when she did so.
The only thing that brought you out of your sulking was Bucky hastily standing up and putting his dishes in the dishwasher before leaving the room. You bit your lip, seriously starting to consider either having breakfast in your room if you were such a pain in the ass to deal with or finally confront Bucky to know what the fuck his problem was. You were still staring at the door he left through five minutes ago when Sam placed his hand on your shoulder.
“Come on, Soldier. I just got a call from Ross, I need you to come with me for a mission.”
Your expression softened when you realized Sam wasn’t here to mess up with you and you nodded. You desperately needed a change of air because this situation with Bucky was starting to get to your head much more than you were willing to admit.
“Just the two of us?” you asked and Sam shook his head.
“Nat wants to come too, it’s not a big mission but you know her, she can’t stay put.” You broke out into a small smile and nodded, causing Sam to gasp.
“Oh my god, Y/N did you just smile before 8 in the morning? Are you okay?!” He feigned shock. You groaned and punched him in the stomach, causing him to grunt.
“I am but you won’t be for long if you keep going!”
It was late that night when Bucky finally heard the Quinjet landing on the roof of the tower. The mission was supposed to be only a few hours long. But you, Sam and Nat left more than sixteen hours ago and you had lost communication after encountering enemy agents. That was too many hours ago to Bucky’s liking because since then, nobody knew where you were. So, the second he heard you were back, he jumped out of his bed, scrambled to his feet, put on a shirt and rushed to the living room.
He was surprised to find it in the dark but he realized you might need time to put your weapons away and debrief with Stark and Ross before joining the common area. So Bucky sat down on the couch and turned on the tv, pretending to chill when in fact he was worrying sick. He had to deal with Steve, Tony and Wanda’s teasing all day long about how ridiculous he had looked that very same morning. He was already on edge. But when he heard you had ran into the enemy when it was only supposed to be a recognition mission, his stress level had gone up to the roof.
Bucky was replaying the morning in his head over and over again. He didn’t even know what was playing on tv because all he could see was how your face slightly fell when he reacted so poorly to your simple demand or how your heartbeat fastened in anger in your chest. That was all he could hear as he finished his breakfast. The angry hammering of your heart against your ribcage was deafening for his super soldier ears. He knew that he blew it and made you feel inadequate, again.
Every time you talked to him it was the same. Bucky found himself nervous and and speechless. It had been a few decades since he was feeling uncomfortable around people. But with you, it was the worst. Since the first day you walked into the compound, greeting everybody with your shy smile, you had knocked the air out of his lungs. Especially when you quickly started to try bounding with everybody and make conversation with them. It seemed so easy to you, so natural. You just exchanged a few words and people seemed to immediately like you.
But how could Bucky be normal around you? You were so clever, strong and so witty. He couldn’t count how many times he had to bite his tongue not to laugh at something you’d say to make Sam or Tony shut up. You were not taking anybody’s shit. But at the same time you were so caring and gentle. Whereas he was broken.
Bucky was a mess and he knew it. And you knew it too. He could see you looking at his arm or looking at him training. Yes, you had tried several times to chat with him, but that was probably just to test the water, see how crazy or messed up he was. You couldn’t appreciate him because he was not worth it.
Bucky was deeply lost in his own thoughts when the elevator door opened in the room. His head snapped in direction of the noise, his breathing hitching. He could feel his heart beating hard in anticipation in his chest, not knowing how bad the mission had gone. He frowned in confusion and rose to his feet when he only saw Sam and Nat in front of him. Both of them looked pretty beaten up and exhausted.
When they noticed Bucky in the room, their faces turned dark and Bucky’s blood turn cold in his vein.
“Y/N?” he asked in a whisper. Sam looked away and Nat limped in his direction.
Time seemed to have turned still as he impatiently waited for Nat to finally tell him you were safe and okay.
“We fell into a trap. She saved me from an agent who was strangling me but she… took a very bad fall in the process.” Natasha somber face indicated no lie and Bucky felt his heart sinking down to the floor as his throat tightened.
There was no more air in his lungs, resulting in him not being able to form any coherent word despite the thousand questions rushing to his mind. He opened his mouth, his brain screaming at him to ask where you were but nothing came out. He tried several times until Sam finally spoke.
“She’s at the medical bay, Helen told us she had tests to run. But you can go if you want.”
Bucky didn’t know how his legs carried him to the elevator and even less through the corridors but it didn’t take him more than a couple of minutes to be standing in front of the door of the medical bay. He took a deep breath, trying to gather some courage to see what was waiting for him on the other side. To know how you were, how bad that fall was.
When Bucky walked in, it didn’t take long for him to spot the bed you were lying on. He rushed to your side, his dizziness growing with each step he took in your direction until he was hovering above you. Still in your tactical gear, he was struck by how peaceful you looked despite the bruise on you cheekbone and the cut on your temple. Your features were relaxed, the halo of your hair around your face giving you an angelic aspect that made Bucky whisper your name shakily.
“Fuck, Y/N, I should have been there.” The sound of his own voice and the realization that you were lying here unconscious made his eyelids prickle with tears.
Bucky couldn’t help himself and, very carefully, reached for your hand that was wrapped in a band, took it in his before sitting down on the edge of the bed. Very gently, he placed his metal hand over your hand, relishing in the warmth of your skin. It was the first time Bucky saw you looking fragile, vulnerable and he felt his heart clenching. You were always so strong and… alive.
Bucky couldn’t count how many times your heartfelt laughters had reached his ears, even from the next room and how it never failed to make his own lips curl up. Your laugh was so genuine, so pure, it echoed deep down into his bones, making his entire being quiver and his heart beat a few extra beats. It could make him feel his own laughter bubbling in his chest, climbing up his throat and threatening to explode to join you.
That was how alive you made the former Winter Soldier feel. That was how much you petrified him because you two were complete opposites and he was terrorized to taint your pure being with his shattered one.
“Y/N, I’m so sorry,” Bucky whispered, his head hanging low.
“Why?” The softness of your voice felt like a shock wave through Bucky’s spine.
His head snapped in your direction. Your eyes were open, which meant he wasn’t crazy and he did hear your voice. But was struck him the most was the genuine confusion plastered on your face. Why was Bucky here? Why was he holding your hand? Why was he sorry?
“Y/N? You… you’re awake?!” Bucky gasped, emotion strangling his voice. You frowned and looked up at the clock on the wall before sighing.
“Yeah, I must have dozed off while waiting for Dr. Cho to come back with the x-ray results.” You looked back at Bucky and noticed the tears in his eyes. “Bucky, are you okay?” you asked, concern evident in your voice as you tried to ignore how warm and comforting his hands felt around your own.
Bucky blinked a few times, trying to make sense of the entire situation but right now he felt like he had left his brain in the living room. He didn’t even think about taking his hands away from you. The former Winter Soldier was paralyzed, like a teenage boy in front of his crush.
“You’re awake,” he repeated, slightly breathless from the hammering of his heart in his chest. Your brows knitted together even deeper.
“Yes, I told you, I took an unexpected nap. I was exhausted from the mission and everything hurts from that damn fall. Next time I’ll remember not to take the fall on my hand. What’s going on? You look like you just saw a ghost.”
You tried not to freak out about the fact that you shared more than three words in a row with James freaking Barnes without him running away. The fact that he was on the brinks of tears wasn’t exactly what you expected from an interaction with him.
“Sam and Nat told me you took a bad fall… I just thought…” Bucky found himself speechless again, his old demeanor striking back because you were talking to him while he was touching you.
You were alive and conscious and Bucky was touching you. Your brain might be fuzzy from the lack of sleep and stressful day but the way your skin tickled against his wasn’t a dream. The deep concern on his face and his surprise that you were actually awake made the fog in your brain slowly fade and your heart rate speed up.
“Bucky, were you worried about me?” you wished your had talked and not whispered because your voice sounded too sheepish to your liking.
For the first time, you didn’t miss Bucky’s cheeks flushing in embarrassment. He immediately looked away, wishing he could disappear right now. A nervous chuckle escaped his lips as he looked down at your tangled hands.
“Nat and Sam made it look really bad so yeah,” he admitted before started to chew on the inside of his cheek.
You felt your heart warming up. Bucky worried about you. Bucky, the cold, distant guy who never talked to you and on whom you’ve been crushing on since your eyes met for the first time worried about you.
“To be honest, I didn’t know you cared about me,” you admitted, slightly squeezing his hand as much as your sprained wrist allowed you to. Bucky’s heart beat an extra beat when you did so and he looked up at you only to see you smiling softly. His breathing got caught in his throat. You were addressing your smile to him and only him. He couldn’t run away this time, it was just you and him.
He offered you a sheepish smile. “I’ve always cared about you, Y/N. A little too much, actually,” he whispered.
At this point, he didn’t know if it was your heartbeat or his that echoed the loudest in his ears but the way your face lit up when he said the words made his confidence grow like it hadn’t in decades.
“Really?” the breathless giggle than ran past your lips made Bucky chuckle and he nodded before carefully bringing your hand to his lap and tracing your knuckles with the tip of his finger.
He felt you shiver under his touch and the way you brought your bottom lip between your teeth made his brain shortcut for a second. He could still feel the fear in his veins. The fear of losing you without having taken the chance to tell you how he truly felt.
You had always been kind of him, even when he was not. Even when he left the room after you asked him if he wanted to watch a movie, or asked him if he wanted ice-cream. He had been a rude asshole to you and you’ve been infinitely patient to him, respecting his boundaries, giving him the time and space you thought he needed.
“I’m sorry I was so rude to you, Y/N,” he whispered, “I’m sorry because you were the kindest and I was afraid.”
You had never heard Bucky’s voice so shaky before. But you also never saw him so honest or true either.
“Afraid of what?” you asked, not understanding what he meant and even less understanding why he was apologizing.
He was allowed to ask for distance. He went through hell and back, now that he was allowed to decided who could be part of his life or not, you understood he used that right the way he wanted to.
Bucky took a deep breath, his feet burning to take him out of the room but your hand felt too good in his and the softness of your eyes made his entire being melt.
“Of you and me, of my feelings for you. But tonight I thought you were dying and now I don’t want to be scared anymore.” Bucky paused, taking a deep breath and his lips breaking into a small smile. “I like you, Y/N.”
The softness and determination behind Bucky’s words made you heart burst out of your chest and you couldn’t suppress the too wide smile that crept up your lips. Bucky gently brought your hand to his lips and kissed the back of it, making you giggle and forget all about your pounding headache and aching muscles. Because James Buchanan Barnes liked you.
“About damn fucking time!” the loud cheering made you both jump in surprise and you turned towards the glass that separated the room from another examination room only to see the entire team clapping and whistling. Sam and Nat were cheering the loudest while Steve gathered bills that the other team members were pulling out of their wallet.
Both your faces burned with embarrassment but you didn’t try to suppress the heartfelt laugh that escaped your lips as you slowly sat up on the bed. Bucky immediately straightened his back to help and rearranged your pillows so you could rest your back, quickly joining your laughters.
“We should get half of that money,” you laughed, looking at Steve, Nat and Sam who were splitting the money in three.
Bucky shook his head and scooted a little closer to you, his eyes never leaving your face. “They can keep my share, I think I’m the real winner tonight,” he whispered.
Your eyes flew back to his face and you felt your heart grow too big for your chest under his soft gaze. You bit your lip to keep yourself from smiling to wide and his eyes fell to your lips. Your breathing hitched when you saw the tip of his tongue darting out to wet his lips.
“Care to come and get your prize, then?” you smirked, making Bucky’s brow quirk and his own lips curling up into a playing smile as well.
“Gladly.” He leaned closer to you, his right hand finding your cheek and very softly pressed his lips to yours, earning another wave of cheering from the other side of the window. You giggled against his lips and wrapped your valid arm around his neck before pulling him closer to you.
Bucky let himself melt against you, still careful not to crush you under his weight. Right now, only you existed. He didn’t hear the team cheering or banging against the window, there was only you, your laugh, your lips and your warmth. Nothing else. No more secret.