Work Text:
The beat pounds, slow and low in the back of your mind as you approach Vriska. Gripping your cane sword tighter, you try to swallow the lump that is quickly becoming a rock in your throat. Vriska’s bright orange god tier outfit stands out against the infinite darkness that is the Medium. Even if she weren’t a literal beacon of light leached from the world around her, you would have a hard time not noticing her orange creamsicle scent.
Vriska sits casually against the edge. Her back wide open, trusting you to not stab her through the back. The closer you get, the more you can see how Vriska believes she has the upper hand. Everything about the way she sits displays the power Vriska knew she had, the power she had over you. There’s no reason to be wary because up until now you have never actually been a threat to her. Even now, you’re not sure you are.
What you don’t notice is the way her hand grips the edge she’s perched on. Or the way her elbows lock so that her arms won’t shake too visibly. You didn’t see the messages she had sent to John, you didn’t know the same fear ran through her entire being.
What if she dies and it’s my fault? What if I die and she’s right?
Instead, you keep walking, marching to a tune neither of you can hear. The song of the universe, the one you both still believe to be yours to control. There were set facts to the reality of the world you lived in and these were it.
She will play with you like a cat would play with a toy swinging in front of its face. She will goad you. You will propose a coin toss. It will flip. She will take someone’s luck for herself and it will land in her favor.
What wasn’t always fact was if it was your luck she stole or her own. If it were yours, she would fly and Jack would follow her trail to kill you. If it were hers, you would stab her in the back as she tried to fly away. These small instances gave the illusion of choice in this symphony. A small change in the conductor’s swing of her baton, as she played the movement to the very end.
You keep walking anyway.
When you die, she nearly wins. Her anger, her hatred, her pain, pushes her more than anything ever had before. She fights as a child who never knew anything but survival. She fights for a rival that was hers to take down.
It’s only because of her hubris overrides everything else, that she loses. A newborn god fighting the end of the universe and she almost wins. But being alone in a universe where everyone else has died can only ever be a loss, no matter how much she wishes it wasn't. The conductor doesn’t play for a soloist, she plays for a symphony and this solo has ended.
When she dies, time passes. It passes and regret is the only thing you know. From misdirected hatred, to the kindest boy you ever met, to your eyes. Healing the scars she left on your body may have been your biggest mistake after killing her. It means she’s gone, truly gone when the last part of her affecting the world is gone and now you can see again and she isn’t there.
A sweep passes, you think you are safe, you think this is victory. You think that until you realize it isn’t.
It is not victory when her dancestor appears, or when Jade tries to attack everyone. It is not victory when everyone you know and love dies once again. It is not victory when everyone else is dead and the only thing you can think of is how everything needs to be taken back to where it went wrong.
You die then, for the hope that she can save the universe before it ends again.
These two possibilities would go back and forth. Endlessly twining and changing, one and then the other over and over again. Just you and her, each taking turns dying and mourning. Until one day, it stops. The coin lands standing on its side and John punches Vriska across the face.
Later, in the aftermath, when the two of you are alive and you’re mourning your other lost friends rather than each other, you notice the spark come back into her. You hear it when she tells you her plans to save the day once again, and this time you think it will work.
The following sweep is spent in learning one another again. Learning to love the people you both became throughout the Game. For once you have hope for the both of you. Even if you need her more than she could ever need you.
With her at your side, you feel stronger. You are able to put aside all the pain and loss you’ve felt since the game has started. She is all you need to get through the final movement. She is your greatest love and your greatest hurt. She is the most important part of the universe’s song.
She is not yours to keep.
You realize this on the lily pad. Watching her laugh and ready all that remains of your friends for the final act. She’s playing with Dave, with Kanaya, with Karkat and it hits you then. It finally truly hits you, that whatever you had. It was never meant to be. She belonged to the story, she was the hero and you were her loving sidekick. Her plan, will not end in her survival. Vriska dies with the story and the end of a universe.
The guilt you’ve tried to pretend wasn’t there makes itself known in the back of your throat, rising like bile and making you want to puke your feelings out to her right this very moment. Not yet, not in front of everyone. Not where she can see your face, your tears that will inevitably come. It was always meant to end like this. You two were never supposed to be together. You have been killing her and she’s been killing you for as long as the universe has been alive.
Soon this universe won’t be alive anymore, soon it will end and yet neither of you are dead. For a moment you begin to consider that maybe you will both die this time while the rest continue on.
Your death will not be like hers. She will die in a fight against an abomination of a god with the power to destroy universes. You will die by the heartbreak that will come when everyone celebrates a new world and she is not there. Your death will be slow and painful. It will take sweeps as you realize that Vriska is not coming back.
She starts to get ready to leave, this will be the last time you see one another. This time the beat is loud and heavy as the conductor finishes her song.
You turn your back and walk away from her anyway.