Chapter Text
There were many words that could describe Chanyeol. Tall, large ears, big eyes, the happiest, and the kindest soul. Park Chanyeol. The man in the cafe, surrounded by his loud and large group of friends, laughing as he slaps his knee as he bends into half, in tears. Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol was beautiful at that moment. The crinkle in his eyes as he laughs, tears of laughter on the verge of falling, and the proud nose that he unconsciously scrunches whenever he laughs. Baekhyun finds himself agreeing (again) that Chanyeol was most beautiful when he is himself, whether he is laughing or crying— or both.
Jongdae nudges him with his elbow, startling Baekhyun from his train of thoughts. He smiles up at him and raises an eyebrow at his blonde friend.
“What are you thinking about?”
Chanyeol. He had wanted to answer. The tip of his tongue rolling to say the name of the man he fell in love with. But Baekhyun held his ground, gripped the half-emptied coffee mug he was holding a little tighter, and said with a teasing voice, “About the time Chanyeol tried to woo a girl in the club, and failed miserably.”
He gave Jongdae a smirk, knowing that it was loud enough to be heard by his group of friends.
Chanyeol pointed a finger at him from across the table as he attempts to keep himself balanced on the arm of the sofa for a makeshift seat, a look of betrayal on his face. “You said you would never talk about that!”
Baekhyun laughed genuinely. He had always liked it when Chanyeol looks at him. “I never said that. You said that to the water pillar outside your apartment. Begging at it not to tell anyone.”
Chanyeol was red at this point, he lets a huff and crosses his arms like a child. “Well, I didn't remember any of that!”
Sehun slapped Chanyeol’s back as he laughs. “Of course you didn’t! You were drunk off your ass I bet!”
Baekhyun remembers that day, as clear as he remembers every other day he spends with Chanyeol. It was when Chanyeol had broken up with his 6-month girlfriend who he had claimed as his potential true love. Baekhyun had taken him to the club in an effort of cheering him up after 3 days of moping around in his apartment and stuffing himself with boxes of chocolate.
His friend had unfortunately drunk too much even with his high alcohol tolerance. By the end of the night, Chanyeol couldn't even walk straight as much as even stand. On their way home, while Baekhyun was searching for the right keys to Chanyeol’s apartment, the latter had gone to the red water pillar, patted it and went down on his knees thinking that it was Baekhyun.
Baekhyun should've felt insulted because Chanyeol had thought he was as short as a water pillar. But, when the drunk Chanyeol had patted the top of the pillar with his palms grinning, Baekhyun almost melted into a puddle of goo.
The conversation had changed to a new one. His group of friends had always been fast-paced, never talking one at a time or focused on a single topic. Sometimes, Suho would have to scream for his voice to be heard over the others just so they could order food.
Baekhyun attempts at giving his attention to his friends, but his eyes stray to his one-sided love. He lets himself drink in the presence of Chanyeol in his oversized hoodie and sweatpants, messy curls, a loud mouth, and big ears. And glowing, like the brightest star— The Sun.
His whole universe.
He looks away before his heart could burst into a thousand pieces of stars, of his affection for Chanyeol, and shards of glasses of pure pain of cruel hopeless love. The older calms himself, and starts quietly counting 10 backwards — a trick he saw on Youtube after searching ‘How to not be obvious when liking someone’. He looks anywhere but the man across him. Jongdae leans in again, halfway through his counting, whispering about how he needs to leave soon to finish an assignment. Baekhyun nods at him and calls for their attention. It took a while because they were too loud, and a shout of “Junmyeon’s buying everyone dinner.”
A surprised Junmyeon had whipped his head to turn to Baekhyun. He knows the man would have bought them something to eat anyways. After all, Junmyeon prides himself as the leader of the group as the man who had brought all 9 of them together to be close-knit friends. The crowd cheers and Baekhyun announces that the three of them has to leave to work on assignments. Jongdae and Sehun had already got up from their seat with the bags hanging on their shoulder waiting for Baekhyun. Jongin tries to lure Sehun to stay with promises of video games and extra chicken (Junmyeon disapproves at that), but Jongdae is quick to say no and drags Sehun out before the younger could change his mind.
Chanyeol follows Baekhyun out despite the others that had stayed inside after bidding cheery goodbyes. He stops Baekhyun outside by the elbow and the older looks up at him.
“Hey,” Chanyeol says.
“I don't think that's the right to say to someone going home,” Baekhyun says teasingly, glitter in his eyes because Chanyeol is in front of him. Looking at him and is so close. Chanyeol was never one short for skinship.
The taller rolls his eyes with a smile but turns serious shortly. “We didn’t talk much today.”
Baekhyun raises an eyebrow at his odd statement. He admits that it has been a few weeks since they had seen each other, but that was not unusual. Being a university students takes so much part of their time and it didn't help that they went to different universities. “So?”
Chanyeol rubs his neck. Baekhyun notes that his friend is nervous and he silently wonders why.
“Well, it’s been a while and I miss you.” Chanyeol is slightly pink and his hands had dropped and shoved into his padded jacket. Baekhyun’s heart flutters at ‘I miss you’ and he struggles to keep his heart from flying fearing it would break and left unamended. The older also notices how Chanyeol’s voice had gone softer as he speaks.
He continues. “So, come over tomorrow or whenever you can. We can do assignments together even if it's not the same thing.”
Baekhyun knows somethings up with the taller. He had always prided himself to be Chanyeol’s best friend and it wasn't only because he knew that was all he could ever be to Chanyeol. Baekhyun smiles a non-teasing smile at his taller friend at that thought and reached up to ruffle his already messy curls. The other let out a half grunt and whining sound. Baekhyun isn’t entirely sure how that sounds to most, but he lets himself imprint the sound in his mind, his heart— just like everything else Chanyeol does and says.
He coos at the taller and reaches up to ruffle Chanyeol’s hair. “So you missed hyung, huh? I’ll treat you to lunch next time and if I’m feeling generous I’ll even treat you to that bitter coffee you like to drink afterwards.”
Baekhyun counts to three before taking his hands off Chanyeol’s head, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to contain himself from hugging Chanyeol. He takes a step back after ruffling his hair and waved at his two friends that had already crossed the street. Jongdae whines a loud ‘Hurry up!’ from across the street. He holds up 2 fingers to him to show that he needs two minutes to talk to Chanyeol.
“No, it's not that Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun pales slightly when he notices that Chanyeol’s not smiling. His stomach flutters and drops at the same time. He finally connects the dots why his friend had looked nervous.
“Chan, I’ve got to go. They’re waiting.” Baekhyun says hurriedly and attempts to leave. Chanyeol pulls him back with two heavy hands on his shoulder to turn Baekhyun to face him.
“Baekhyun.” His voice is a note lower, Baekhyun notes.
Chanyeol searches his eyes, slightly bending down to meet Baekhyun’s. “You haven't come over to my place in—‘ he forgets his words again, that’s very Chanyeol the older notes again. ‘Since forever.”
Chanyeol dramatically stresses his words. “Why? Why haven't you come over? You’re always declining me. We don't hang out anymore.”
Baekhyun knows that he can’t escape from going to Chanyeol’s apartment forever. He would have to step into the place that Chanyeol calls his home, a place filled with so much presence and evidence of life and love and Chanyeol. Chanyeol. Chanyeol.
He weighs the consequence and options of declining and faking an excuse again. Baekhyun finally decides to be what he knows best: to be the Baekhyun that Chanyeol wants him to be. “Fine. I’ll come over if you want, you big baby.”
Chanyeol’s eyes widened along with his smile. “Really?”
The latter rolls his eyes. “Yes. I have to go now. Jongdae’s going to start whining at me the whole way back to campus again.”
Chanyeol laughs. “I’ll call you.”
“Don’t. Text me. I won’t be able to take your call if I’m in the library.” He says ignoring the fact that he never studies in the library. He just didn't want to hear Chanyeol’s voice in his ear. He wouldn’t be able o focus on anything the whole day or the next 3 days after that.
The taller laughs again and this time he pulls Baekhyun into a hug. The shorter of the two stiffens slightly before letting his hands wrap around Chanyeol’s body before patting his back as if asking to let go. They wave and Baekhyun crosses the street as Chanyeol watches him from the other side of the street.
He smells Chanyeol on him. And he hopes he it doesn't disappear by the time he reaches his apartment.
The next time they both meet again was a week after 3 calls from Chanyeol asking Baekhyun if he wants to come over, each with a different date, and each turned down. He had ignored and delayed his replies to the taller when Chanyeol had texted him as Baekhyun requested. The last call mostly consisted of Chanyeol whining and throwing a tantrum of how Baekhyun is not coming over despite him asking, asking and asking. The latter finally relented and agreed.
Baekhyun now stands behind the door to Chanyeol’s apartment. He fights the urge to turn around and pretend he had forgotten about his invite. But Baekhyun knows that Chanyeol would only get hurt over his actions. He nods to himself a few times agreeing and assuring himself that everything would be okay, that he can do this.
The door opens suddenly and Chanyeol’s face pops from behind the door. He shows him the brightest smile.
Baekhyun's heart clenches at the sight. He smiles knowing that stepping into that apartment would definitely be a mistake. But Chanyeol greets him and grabs his hand leading him in, and he forgets everything but Chanyeol.
His everything.
Chanyeol’s apartment was exactly the same since his last visit Baekhyun notes as he steps in. The same old wallpaper, the same worn out rug and faded out sofa pushed back to the wall facing the TV. Chanyeol keeps his place clean enough for himself and his friends who visit him. Baekhyun knows that there’s always extra foldable beds shoved on top of his closet and blankets for people staying over. He remembers that Chanyeol’s room is opposite a small kitchen. He reminds to himself to steer clear from the bedroom to avoid a repeat of an incident he hopes Chanyeol never finds out.
Chanyeol drops his grip from Baekhyun’s hand. They look at each other for a while as if deciding what to say to each other. After all, Baekhyun is quieter when both of them are left together. Gone was the image of a person that screams life of the party and witty comments. Chanyeol looks as if he wanted to ask something, but Baekhyun steered himself to the living room, turned on the television and sat down at the sofa.
“Baek, want something to drink?” the taller asks instead from the kitchen. Baekhyun shouts for a coke and he hears a hum as a reply.
From his seat, the living room was unseen from the kitchen, and Baekhyun takes the opportunity to close his eyes and take a deep breath. Breathe. Be his friend. Be normal. Normal. Normal. Norm-
“Here.” Chanyeol interrupts placing a mug on the coffee table before plopping himself down next to Baekhyun.
He hums a thank you and brings the glass to his lips. “This is tea,” Baekhyun states with a raised brow.
“You got sick last week. You can’t drink sodas.” Chanyeol states without turning to Baekhyun as he rummages a bag he kept at the side of the table and pulls out a laptop. Unbeknownst to him, Baekhyun smiles as his heart warms and melts. He puts down the tea and takes out his own laptop after Baekhyun snaps himself out of his own fantasies. They work in silence except for the occasional sighs and furious typing on the keyboard.
By four in the evening, Baekhyun was half done with his essay on humanist philosophies and was no longer capable of holding back the question that nagged at his mind for the past 2 hours.
“Chanyeol,” he says barely a whisper.
The latter is seated on the floor and was crouching low to type at his laptop. He hums acknowledging him.
“How’d you know I was sick?”
Chanyeol’s typing stops and the boy looks up from his laptop screen to Baekhyun. “You drank hot coffee at the coffee shop last week.”
“What? How could you have known? Maybe I wanted to drink something hot.” Baekhyun is surprised. His voice is no longer a whisper as he hears his heart thumps loudly.
Chanyeol takes off his glasses at this point and pointedly looks at Baekhyun. “Baek, I’ve known you for years. You like cold drinks and you like to chew on ice. Even on the coldest winter, you drank Iced Americano.” he says as if to remind Baekhyun of his own drink preferences.
The two shared a look before Baekhyun breaks it and turns away to pretend to look at his phone. “Okay,” he says after a while in a quiet voice.
Chanyeol stopped working on his assignment after that and had crawled up on the sofa again next to Baekhyun. He removes the laptop sitting on his friend’s lap and in turn plops his head on it.
Baekhyun softly smacks his head, flustered. “What the hell.”
Chanyeol only hums and turns his head to meet his eyes before turning his face to face Baekhyun’s stomach before snuggling himself up against it.
Baekhyun is over the moon. His heart leapt, flew and thumped fast against his chest as he decides on where would be a normal place for friends to touch his friends. His hands fall on Chanyeol’s hair and he lets his slim fingers alternate between fiddling and smoothing the strands of Chanyeol’s curls.
“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says in a muffled voice.
“Yeah?”
“I’ve got something to tell you.”
Baekhyun hums without thinking and enjoys the feeling of his fingers on Chanyeol’s hair.
“I think I’m in love.” Baekhyun stills after hearing Chanyeol saying that.
“What?” he manages to croak out, but his fingers had frozen. His heart that leapt thumped hard against his chest fell and broke.
I knew this was a mistake. He feels tears welling up in his eyes. Baekhyun silently counts backwards from 10 to calm himself down.
“Do you remember the girl I brought to the cafe? The one that I was working with the assignment with?”
“Yeah.” He didn’t. Because he could only notice Chanyeol that day. Chanyeol in a jacket instead of his oversized hoodie and had switched up his glasses for contact lenses. Chanyeol who had greeted Baekhyun with the warmest tone, moon curved eyes and wide smile.
“Well we kinda hit it off, we like the same things and the same music and all. I think-‘ Baekhyun would’ve to beg Satan to whisk him away from Chanyeol’s apartment— from Chanyeol himself. He knows what’s coming next.
“— I like her.”
Baekhyun crashed. His heart burned, his stomach twisted, and he feels sick. Oh how stupid, he thinks.
He’s tired of this. Every time Chanyeol likes a girl, the first one to know would be Baekhyun. He hates how he feels when Chanyeol would think of him first to only know that he has a girl in his mind.
He needs to leave.
He needs to get away from Chanyeol. He needs to stop himself from telling his best friend that he loves him too much. Knowing far too much that to stay by Chanyeol’s side, he could only be his friend. It hurts too much and Baekhyun could only wish that someone, something would save him.
His phone suddenly rings. Sehun’s name flashes on the screen startling both of them. He picks up the call gladly. Chanyeol had turned to look at Baekhyun taking the call. The shorter looks anywhere but him. His eyes strained on the Tv as he speaks to his friend on the phone.
“Hey.”
“You were supposed to pick me up at 4 remember? You promised me you would come with me to the bakery I wanted to go.” Sehun says unhappily. Baekhyun could see him pouting as he speaks.
“Right. Sorry. I’ll leave now. Stay there.” He says to Sehun, hoping it didn’t sound strained to his friends.
“Fine. Ba-ba.” the other end says before ending the call with his usual way of his unusual of saying goodbye that Baekhyun had gotten far too used to.
Chanyeol gets up from his place on Baekhyun’s lap. “You have to go?” He sounds slightly disappointed. But Baekhyun just really wanted to leave. He needed to.
The shorter picks up his things and shoves them in his bag. “ Yeah. Sorry, Chan. I’ll, uh, come over another day and we could do this again” he says to compensate for him leaving.
“Okay. Take the taxi, don’t walk. Don’t forget your scarf. You get cold easily.”
Baekhyun allows himself to smile at Chanyeol as he picks his scarf from the hanger by the door.
“Yes, mom.” Baekhyun hopes the other didn’t notice the sourness in his voice.
“Call me if anything happens.” Chanyeol continues as Baekhyun opens the door and steps out.
The shorter nods. “Okay. Go back inside. I’ll be fine.”
Chanyeol gave him a disapproving look when Baekhyun didn't promise to call him again. “I will call you if anything happens. Even when Sehun slips on ice and fall on his butt again. Just to tell you the current gossip. Now go back inside. I’m leaving.”
Chanyeol smiles and bids him goodbye.
Baekhyun walks instead of taking a taxi. When he arrived at Sehun’s place, he was 20 minutes late. He was greeted with a sarcastic remark from Sehun, but with one look at Baekhyun’s face the younger pulls him in and cancels the trip to the bakery. They had leftover cakes and hot chocolate instead as Baekhyun bawled his eyes out unable to say anything. Sehun didn’t ask him knowing that Baekhyun will open up to him when he is ready to talk. The younger sticks with him through the night as he supplies the older with endless tissues and comforting hugs as they watch old cartoons.
The next day, Baekhyun woke up with a headache and swollen eyes. Sehun had curled up next to him on the floor on top of the thin duvet the younger had brought from his room last night. He groans quietly when he saw the time glaring 12 pm back at him. He sits up and brings his knees to his chest, letting his head fall on top of folded arms.
He remembers the events of last night and he feels like someone who had been hit by a truck, all sore and in pain, except inside.
“Don’t fuck with love they said.”
“Who said that?” Sehun asks with sleep laced in his voice as he sits up on his elbows and rubs his eyes at the same time.
Me. “No one. Morning. How are you feeling?” he says facing the younger from his position.
Sehun drops back on the floor and groans. “Hungry and sad.”
Baekhyun positions himself to fully face Sehun, surprised at Sehun’s answer. Sehun was always either angry, annoyed or pissed, and he would always (more than Baekhyun would have liked) tell other what he felt. But, Sehun had never stated that he is sad.
“Why are you sad?” he asks in a whisper despite bringing the only people in the apartment.
Sehun hums before answering, looking at the ceiling instead of the older. “Because you’re sad.”
Baekhyun smiles at Sehun. He crawls back to his place next to Sehun and lies down. “I’m not sad. So don’t be sad.”
Sehun finally looks at him. “Liar. If you weren’t sad, you wouldn’t have cried like that last night.”
“Like what?”
“Like you were about to die.” the younger says as he looks unwaveringly at the older.
Baekhyun smiles. It feels weird smiling after crying so hard yesterday. But he smiled, knowing that he needs to. “I was just reminded of my place. So, I was a little frustrated.”
Sehun raises an eyebrow. “Your place?” He didn’t know what Baekhyun was talking about. “Why would you cry about your place? Is the toilet breaking down again?”
This time, Baekhyun laughs, the high pitched and bubbly laughter Sehun knows. Both of them smiled even with a little scar hidden on each of their hearts. At that moment, at half past noon in Sehun’s apartment in a small street of Hamdong, they were content with what they are, at their place.
The next few weeks were filled with horrendous clashes of assignments deadlines. Baekhyun didn’t have a chance to think about Chanyeol or any of his feelings and he quite liked it. He liked being focused on things that he knows he can achieve and grasp in his hands. Chanyeol had called him a few times a few weeks ago, but he had let those calls go unanswered. Too busy, too focused on everything else.
He didn't want to get hurt again.
This time he won’t fall again for Chanyeol and his smiles, big hands, deep voice and soft smell of floral scented detergent.