Archive of Our Own

Kakeru isn’t big on talking, but he still sits with the Jo twins during lunch anyway. Sometimes he likes to listen, add a word or two when asked, but he doesn’t contribute into the current topic of conversation, especially when it’s the twins talking about things he’s not necessarily interested in.

“Ah, the manager was so cute on the soccer team!”

“She really was! She was super nice too!“

Kakeru eats his food silently next to the talkative twins. He starts to tune them out when they continue to talk about nonsense and barely registers his surroundings as he focuses in finishing his food.

“I wonder how often Hana-chan will be coming by!?”

“I hope often! Our own personal manager and she’s a cute high school girl!”

Love, let alone liking someone has never been a forte in Kakeru’s life, but it’s not like he’s never thought about the prospect too. His focus has alway been running and improving and he’d like to keep it that way because he’s seen classmates in his track team in high school get swayed and enticed by high school romance. Those classmates would eventually neglect the purpose of practice by skipping to go on dates after school. What was the point of joining a club when you don’t put in the effort expected because you like some girl?

His resolve in the track team has always been to become better, to be better, to strive for the better, especially with high results. He was focused, ready to take on whatever he was thrown at but that mindset may have caused the eventual bitter, abrupt end to his high school track career. He had never meant for things to turn out the way it did back then, and he is still cautious, still wary over the sensitive subject, but running is all he knows and all he can admit, with confidence, he’s skillfully experienced at.

He doesn’t like to push those feelings aside but he knows he shouldn’t dwell on the past so much. Ever since he’s been involved in this little track college club solely because he’s a resident of the actual building, he can feel the lid of his capped habits open up. Only time will tell how long he can take doing this little club aiming for the Hakone Ekiden.

And he knows exactly who to blame.

If it wasn’t for Haiji’s persistence, he may have found another place to stay. Maybe. He was eventually going to find one once he won a few more mahjong rounds…

Kakeru wonders what Haiji’s intentions were when forming such an inconsistent team of randoms. He knows the spiel about competitive track meets but everyone else in the team doesn’t. Haiji has been a suspicious tick in Kakeru’s mind and he can’t seem to figure him out. He’s carefree but organized. Stubborn, yet inspirational. Cunning, but still takes responsibility, from the cooking to the scheduling. Haiji is many things and Kakeru still can’t tell what is his purpose. What is his resolve when it comes to running?

And while Kakeru chews lazily on his meat and rice, his eyes wander out the window. Of course the minute he’s thinking about him, there is Haiji outside, passing by the cafeteria by his side of the window.

He sees him every day, but today is a rare occasion because Haiji is not sporting his usual tracksuit or green hanten, he’s wearing casual clothes. A teal button shirt open to reveal a white t-shirt underneath and jeans. It’s a simple outfit, yet it’s an outfit rarely seen by anyone. Some of the Aotake residents believe Haiji was born into this world wearing his tracksuit. Whatever the deal is with him and that tracksuit, it’s another mystery behind the vague runner that is Kiyose Haiji that he’s still trying to figure out.

“Hey Kakeru, what do you think?”

But he’s the least of his worries because who wants to get themselves involved with a tenacious man like Haiji.

“I don’t think he heard you, Jota.”

He’s got a lot more things to worry about that don’t involve him specifically.

“Kakeru, earth to Kakeru!”

The last thing he needs is Haiji to be a distraction.

-*-

Kakeru hates to admit it, but he’s impressed at Haiji’s meddling regarding the Aotake residents lifestyles and integrating the track and field lifestyle so quickly. He doesn't understand how he does it, but Haiji manages to pull it off anyway despite the initial mutual agreement that no one was going to participate. So far, he was able to get a hold of Shindo, Musa, the Jo twins, and no matter how much he denies it, he can easily tell that Nico-chan senpai has been secretly training alone.

He watches as the rest of the team trickle in by the river they always meet at. He needs to keep himself warm by jogging lightly by the trail as they all wait for the final two to make it. And when Prince comes into view, struggling and out of breathe as always, he has to clench his fist in frustration watching him come up because he knows well that to aim for Hakone means the strongest runners participate.

Haiji’s voice rings in his head like an alarm, annoying and loud. If he could just understand what he wants, what he’s trying to accomplish, then he can work with that.

It frustrates him more how lightly he seems to have taken this. But there’s something he’s not telling him, and for some reason he’s willing to stay on the team to hear his end. Or maybe it’s because all he really knows is running so he has nowhere to go. Within Kakeru, he knows that may not be the case.

Haiji comes into view tagging alongside Prince who continues to cheer him on despite the obvious exhaustion. When they reach Hana, Prince collapses to the floor as always and Haiji gives him more words of encouragement before addressing everyone else. He’s positive as always discussing how much their time has improved.

Everyone is much more talkative today than usual, especially amongst the guys who surround Hana as she compliments each one of them on a good practice. Kakeru stands in the back ignoring everyone, his eyes scan around aimlessly on his teammates. Some look exhausted and worn out, but they also look elated, maybe the runner’s high has kicked in somewhere. He watches each expression without care until they land on Haiji.

He wasn’t expecting it, which startled him, because Haiji is staring right at him. He’s looking past Musa, past Shindo, and Yuki who stand in the way of him. His look is intense for a split second, then he’s back to his smiling self and calls everyone back to his attention.

Kakeru turns around and starts jogging back to the apartments.

“I’m going back.” Kakeru doesn’t look back.

“Kakeru, let’s all go back together!” Haiji calls out, but Kakeru is long gone by then.

He knows Haiji can’t stop him, at least for now. He wasn’t planning to leave first, but he felt something inside him crumble. He wanted to run so he could forget those eyes, run off the feeling inside.

What he also didn’t expect was to be thinking about them for the rest of the day.

-*-

“So good! Thank you, Haiji-san!” Joji savors the taste of a perfectly rolled egg in his mouth. He looks like he’s about to cry, but with the breakfast Hana made yesterday morning no one at the table is surprised with the overreaction because they feel the same way.

“Make sure you all finish your breakfast. There’s enough for seconds as well!” Haiji laughs and pats the shoulder of the now sobbing Jo twin.

Luckily, today, Kakeru comes to the kitchen early and has a spot on the table. And for him, he doesn’t seem to notice the different taste in the food since he knows most food is sustenance that will help him become a better runner. He can stomach almost anything so he wonders if his sense of taste is gone.

Haiji sits in front of Kakeru chewing away just like everyone else except Haiji seems to look like he’s in a chipper mood than usual. It’s understandable with everyone becoming a cohesive team compared to a few weeks ago when he first announced it.

Kakeru has noticed the change first. Haiji pushes everyone a little more extra on the compliments, he’s making a little more extra food than usual, and he’s even caught him humming while cooking. In Kakeru’s eyes, those are the subtle signs that make Haiji a little bit different. He peeks up through his bangs to watch Haiji sitting in front of him. His ears are picking up on something, a foot tapping rhythmically to the silence of everyone eating. It’s slight, but he can see Haiji’s body moving a bit. Another sign.

He looks over to his left where Prince is currently. He’s been realizing things he’s never understood, like Prince, who put Kakeru into a perspective he’s never viewed. He wants to take those words that Haiji has told him and put them into action by dealing with the person the complete opposite of him. He’s read the manga he’s been recommended, he jogs at the same pace as Prince and has taken it his duty to help break him out of his bad running form. Slowly, but surely progress is made without biting each others head. He’s said some things to Prince he’s regret, but no one is expecting an apology. With the way things have been going on between them, there isn’t any more to say with the trust between each other building ー and this goes the same way with everyone else.

This isn’t like him at all, or at least it’s not how he usually deals with everything. He’s a muller, keeps quiet, and tries not to let his temper overcome him with daft words and actions ー not like before. He almost let it slip beforehand when he mentioned to Prince to quit the team, but he remembers this isn’t high school, this isn’t like his old track team, this isn’t like his old teammates.

And this really isn’t his old team because he’s never met anyone like Kiyose Haiji. He’s met some arrogant runners, some pretentious, some crude. Haiji doesn’t fit under any of those categories. This man is everything but selfish. He likes to wake up early to cook not only breakfast, but bentos and portion out healthy servings for each person's body type. He’s also taken it upon himself to not only be the captain and sub coach in the team, but plan out workout times and regiments for practice. And not just captain and sub coach, he’s also the advisor that registers them for their track meets and keeps everyone informed on upcoming events. He doesn’t understand how he handles it and how he didn’t faint faster from fatigue earlier with the workload he’s brought upon himself.

Kakeru was terrified when he saw Haiji collapse in front of the stove. He believed his knee gave out from overexertion with the work he’s put into forming and organizing the team. When he learned he had an anemia attack because he was overworked, his feelings went from scared to distressed. Kakeru’s been upset with the current state of the team and has been flaring up more often. He wonders if that built up tension within Haiji was his own fault because he was acting like a child who didn’t get his candy. Yet the brown-haired senpai has been patient with him, but there’s a point when someone breaks. Kakeru has just started begun to understand what Haiji has been doing yet it hasn’t answered the question he’s been wondering from the moment he encountered him.

Will he ever understand what Haiji wants.

At first, he found Haiji to be meddlesome when he chased after him on a bike when they first met. He also irritated the hell out of him when he first mentioned aiming for the Hakone Ekiden with a team he made a minute after. He was tense and always on edge with his upperclassman to the point that he may have been thinking about him a little more often than he should. Haiji was everything Kakeru was not and that may have been why he’s started to pay more attention to what he does. The mixed emotions he has about Haiji become more clear as time progresses. Especially when he’s found one that he never thought he’d feel about his captain.

He’s been avoiding the inevitable feeling inside his gut for a while, but the longer he denies it to himself, the more authentic the feeling becomes. He voluntarily helps him with the dishes before and after a meal, he’s offered to help jot down notes to help improve each member, and his gaze on the brown-haired leader has lingers a little longer than usual. He’s never had to deal with an emotion likes this, he’s not familiar with the concept, but with the manga Prince has recommended, it helped him get the gist of what he thinks he should do.

“Kakeru, are you okay?”

He didn’t even realize he was spacing out again as he stares eye to eye with a concerned Haiji.

“Eh.” Is all Kakeru can respond back.

“You’ve been staring at me weirdly for a few minutes. I thought something might have been on my face, but you stopped eating altogether.” Haiji stares between Kakeru’s half-eaten food to everyone else who are almost done ー and were here after him too. Now everyone’s staring at him, he needs to respond but he has no excuses. So he does what he does best.

“I need to go to the bathroom, excuse me.” He places his chopsticks down and hastily retreats out the kitchen. He’s running away, yet he has no reason too. He just had to lie, answer a simple question that would end Haiji’s concern right there, but he was acting so… shy at that moment. It’s like they can see why Kakeru was spacing out, what was on his mind, and how he was thinking about Haiji. He was already unconsciously staring him while he was eating breakfast, how could they not have noticed by now. He can feel his face burning up at the thought once he’s out of sight.

-*-

This particular morning is colder than usual and the suns barely shining, not a ray peeking yet Kakeru enjoys running during these types of conditions the most. He’s clad in his usual blue tracksuit while he warms up his body and stretches a bit before going off on his jog. There’s no practice in the morning, but everyone does so anyway ー except for right now. Kakeru has woken up earlier than usual, at least earlier than everyone else at Aotake, because he is in much need for not just a run, (but when is he not) he also needs to stop overthinking.

The wind that brushes against his face is a lot more forceful, pushing him back a little and because of that, this weather makes it the most ideal time to train.

He’s taken the usual route to the river just like practice, but going back he’s taken a little detour, passing through more of the residential areas and towards the park at the end of the block, just right next to the markets.

No one should be around at this time, he’s one hundred percent sure of it, but as he approaches the entrance of the lot, he can make out the silhouette sitting on one of the benches across the other end. The figure is bent over a bit with a smaller figure resting near the bottom of the bench. Although he cannot see who it is, he already knows exactly who it is based on routine. Because whenever Kakeru passes by the park, at the same time, same day, same bench, he’s always there. His suspicion is confirmed when he walks right over and his eyes lock with endearing brown.

“Kakeru, you’re up early too. I’m not surprised, but I didn’t think you would come by here.” Haiji pulls down his pant leg that cover his scar. He was massaging it again, Kakeru takes note.

“I pass by here more often than you think,” Kakeru replies. He notices Nira sleeping by Haiji’s feet.

“As much as I’d like to get back home, I don’t want to disturb his time too.” Haiji gesture to him, but Kakeru knows and he takes a seat at the bench too. They sit in silence as Kakeru thinks carefully about the words he wants to say.

“I’ve learned a lot about how each person on our team runs. The difference in each person is large, but they are improving. It’s amazing how you changed them all in such a short time.”

“Complimenting me? That’s quite rare from you, Kakeru.”

The way Haiji smiles is infectious so Kakeru distracts himself by playing with his fidgety fingers. Not looking up at his upperclassman, he says, “But I still don’t understand. What is it about the team that you think could make it to Hakone. It’s impossible.”

There is a pause but it's only to check if Nira is awake, Haiji confirms he is not before responding. “I’ve never second-guessed the choices I made when making this team. Yes, that includes Prince too.”

“Do you have a plan?” Kakeru immediately asks.

“I don’t.” He didn’t hesitate to answer back, Haiji was sure if he there was any sort of uncertainty in his answer, Kakeru would irritate himself to the point of fatigue. But he needed to answer honestly, he needed Kakeru to understand not all things go the right away. “If I did, things would have been a lot smoother and done a lot earlier.”

“Do you believe with the ways things are going, Hakone will happen for us?” He wants reassurance or some sort of validation.

“Do you believe in me, Kakeru?” Haiji’s question catches Kakeru off guard, but he doesn’t need to think about his reply.

“I do.” Is the immediate answer. He’s stopped playing around with his fingers and turns his head to look at Haiji who's facing him with that carefree smile he always has on. “I still think it’s impossible with the rate we’re going, but I believe that you can prove me wrong. I felt that for a while.”

“Is that so?” Haiji raises a curious brow.

“I’m always running forward, but I’ve learned to take detours, run backwards, and change my pace. I’ve learned a lot from you in more ways than one. If there someone in this team that believes in you the most, I want you to know it’s me and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to achieve whatever you're aiming for. Rely on me more and trust me too. I won’t run away anymore, I’ll run beside you.”

It takes a few seconds for Kakeru to process what he said exactly to the other man. He admits this to Haiji with his eyes never leaving his. But then the embarrassment succumbs to his entire body and turns to look away as the apples of his cheeks burn redder than normal.

There is a quiet pause before Haiji can react.

“Was that a confession?”

“It’s just what I feel.”

Haiji stretches his arms above his head and acts like his usual self as always.

“I guess I’ve been feeling a bit tired, but being here like this, for a few minutes in the morning, is all I really need.”

“Then,” Kakeru still looking away. “should I leave?”

“I never said that.”

“I don’t want to make it awkward.”

“I don’t think I’ve done anything else.”

“I’m talking about myself.”

Haiji can see Kakeru tensing up. He’s nervous, it’s obvious. But he knows it’s his fault for not clearing the man next to him of any more uncertainties because there is one definite answer he can give Kakeru reassuringly since he knows now that black haired runner has felt the same way back. He will let him know exactly one thing Haiji does want.

Kakeru wasn’t paying too much attention to how it happened, but Haiji’s body scoots closer to the younger male and leans his head on his Kakeru’s shoulder. Haiji’s side is pressed against his at the same time as Haiji snakes up Kakeru’s right arm with his left. His fingers rub his clenched fist until they open gently and Haiji threads his fingers with his. The tension Kakeru felt eases up and he stares down at their joined fingers with a soft smile.

“I fell for your running first, you know,” Haiji says.

“What did you fall for second?” Kakeru asks.

“Definitely not your stubbornness.”

“Likewise.”