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Kaminari's smile was brighter than the sun, especially to those he considered close. Ever since becoming pro heroes, that smile had only gotten broader and more vivid. He comforted children, helped lift the spirits of other heroes, raising awareness for the side effects of quirks both negative and positive.
He helped strike fear into criminals because a space they had previously thought their own, the internet and dark web, was invaded every day by his agency. They steadily tracked all sorts of websites, and with the help of electricity tearing down their cyber busts.
He had an alert in his transmitter in case of a hacker trying to get into one of a hundred secure networks, which would allow him to plug into his updated shooter and actively combat it with the keyboard there. The world was slowly becoming a harder place for villains to exist, thanks to his efforts with the help of his former classmates. But, with all the good he did, people were bound to talk. About him.
Because of his small stature and features, they often commented about how unfit he was to be a hero, fighting battles every day and his popularity, being in the top ten heroes alongside class A alumni, put him as a perfect target for weirdos and spiteful comments. Every day, new letters telling him to commit suicide, that he should shock himself permanently stupid for invading their internet even though it didn't harm the average user. Some, far more concerning, told him slightly inappropriate comments about how they'd like to have him in their beds, and what exactly they would do to him. When he didn't respond, they'd get more and more violent.
The worst letters, in his mind, were those telling him how much they wish he would get kidnapped and killed by villains because he was that bad at doing his job. Or that he was just a glorified battery, good for nothing other than keeping power.
Part of the responsibility of electric quirk users was to report to local hospitals during blackouts to ensure they'd have power, regardless of age. It was one of the few quirks which the user didn't have to possess a provisional hero license to use their quirk in a public space.
What made it bearable was when he'd receive a letter from someone he'd saved. There was a framed letter from a group of elementary school children he'd rescued, one whose heart he'd restarted after the rescue. He'd discovered their location by using his skills to trace the call the villain had made, and with the help of Ground Zero and Red Riot, everyone had survived the epidemic.
Except the child had been gravely wounded during the incident, and Kaminari had restarted her heart no less than three times in a ten minute period, Kirishima protecting the rest of the class, though Kaminari had used his waist cape to wrap the bloodied wound of the child he had taken care of. Bakugo restrained the villain, left in charge of making sure he didn't get away even if Kaminari had delivered the final blow.
Once the child had become stable enough, Kaminari had picked her up to continue monitoring her heart rate until the paramedics arrived.
Those moments, where he saw the smile of a child's face as he returned them to their parents, or heard their sobs of relief when he told them their child would survive, they made it all worth it.
But that didn't mean he didn't have times where he let the comments get to him, especially so when he didn't have work that day even if he was on call.
On days such as those, he'd curl up in his bed and do nothing, feeling nothing and his energy levels at such an all-time low that getting up felt like a task too big for him to accomplish.
Today was one of those days.
He scrolled through his phone, without a purpose or intention other than to drown out his thoughts.
'Useless.' It said, hissing, 'You are so useless, you could be doing something like training right now, but you are; lying here doing nothing. Lazy. Ugly.'
He turned up the volume on the video he watched, eyes glazed over in boredom. He knew he could be doing something, but he couldn't bring himself to get out of bed.
'How dare you call yourself a hero. A real hero would be doing something.'
A shudder came through him, putting his phone down and shutting it off, letting out a shaky breath. The memory of his most recent mission came to the forefront of his mind; a civilian had nearly died that day because he hadn't been fast enough despite his best efforts. That civilian was in the hospital, on death's door last he heard and it was his fault.
'A real hero would've saved him. Bakugo would've been able to save him. Midoriya could have. Any other hero could have saved him. But no, it had to be you.'
Kaminari gripped at his head, curling in on himself and facing the wall. Even if it was true, it couldn't define him.
'There's no point to you being alive. Their wounds are your fault.'
He forced himself to sit up, each muscle movement feeling like a toll on his body more than an entire day of work. Like he was dragging an extra hundred pounds in each limb. His gaze landed on the framed letter, a small smile shaking on his face. He knew it'd be short-lived, but seeing that letter always made him feel a little better, it's why he had put it in his bedroom.
'She has scars because of you. Ugly, horrible scars, because you couldn't save her before she got hurt.'
Kaminari started shaking, his body revolting against him and chilling from the nothingness he felt. He'd seen the tree-like figures on the girl's chest when he'd been asked to stay until the paramedics could get her stable, in case they needed to resuscitate her again. Those had been his fault. Extra electricity in the body caused those scars. His electricity. Forcing his attention away from the letter, it landed on the drawer of his bedside table where his medication had been placed. He should take it. He knew.
'But... What if you took all of them?' The voice said again, and Kaminari considered it. Why even bother with staying? There wasn't a point to it; he'd mess up again and make things worse.
'Should have done this back in high school,'
Kaminari didn't even realize he'd reached for the drawer until he saw that his medication wasn't there. Instead, a handwritten note.
"Denki, you've been out of it lately. Come to me to get your meds when you wake up." Short, sweet, and to the point. He knew who had written it immediately; only one other person was living with him, after all.
That pause was all he needed to start reconsidering what he had been about to do. Carefully, he put it back in the drawer with the other notes he had, from similar days when he'd been out of it. A small zap to his wrist, however, he didn't stop. The current ran through his body, buzzing and warming the cold he felt, even if it hurt.
At this point, he could barely feel the pain; he'd done this so many times. It almost came as a welcome feeling, which poured out of him from every crevice of his being. Relief, almost.
He thought about how Bakugo had reacted when he'd first found him like this, about how worried he'd been as he'd pinned him to the bed, arms apart from each other. Bakugo hadn't been so good at dealing with it back then.
He sluggishly stood up, making his way to the door as his hands drifted to his thighs, the shorts he wore giving him access to press the tips of his finger against the warm skin, running a new, stronger current through them. Once the door opened, the scent of bacon and pancakes came to him, warm and comforting.
The thought of eating made him want to throw up.
"Fucking finally," Bakugo grumbled from the kitchen, Kaminari coming up behind him slowly, "You get my note?"
Kaminari made a non-committal noise, grabbing a cup from the cabinet, "Where're my meds, Kacchan?" He asked, turning on the kettle and reaching for his tea.
"I'll get them for you once I'm done here," Bakugo didn't even look at him, his focus on the food he was cooking. It was enough for both of them, luckily, "And don't even fucking think of looking for the knives, I've locked them up."
Kaminari had almost tried before, and Bakugo hadn't taken to it well. He'd watched Kaminari like a hawk on days where he could tell Kaminari was out of it, a state he only allowed himself to go into when he didn't have anything else to do.
"Yessir," Kaminari mumbled, his left hand plastered against his thigh and the low-level shocks he delivered to himself an uncomfortable presence, but he couldn't make himself stop it even if he wanted to.
Bakugo served up what he'd been cooking, making Kaminari close his eyes until he got his medication. This was a ritual they'd done before, to ensure Kaminari didn't look for his medicine next time his negative thoughts got to him.
He felt Bakugo pull his left hand off of his thigh, putting four little pills into the palm of his hand as the kettle turned off, the temperature gauge reaching the highest point. "Food's ready, so come to cuddle with me or fuck off into your depression after you eat," Bakugo grumbled, heading over to the table with the coffee he had made.
The thought of warm cuddles helped to cut through his funk and Kaminari smiled, making his tea even if his wrists burned. With a swig of his hot drink, he took his medication and sat down at the table, his legs very happy since he didn't have to stand anymore.
Pancakes and bacon helped his thoughts, certainly, but one struck him mid-bite.
"Kacchan," Kaminari glanced at the other blonde, who grumpily looked through his phone's notifications, "Do I do enough as a hero...? Do I bother you?"
"Haah?" Bakugo scoffed, raising an eyebrow and leaning back in his seat, putting his phone down. "Is that what your fucking shitty thoughts are about?"
"Just answer the questions, please..." Kaminari looked down, his voice small and shaky.
"You do more than enough, Kami. Of course, you fucking bother me, but you're a ball of energy, and social interaction bothers me."
"Sorry. I'll try not to bother you." Tears brimmed amber eyes, hands fidgeting with the fork he held, and Bakugo growled.
"Fuck that! Keep being yourself; never change because of someone else's shitty opinion!"
"B-But you just said-"
"Do you think I'd willingly live with you if you bothered me that damn much?"
"Well, no.."
"Exactly." Bakugo took his plate and brought it over to the empty dishwasher, loading the dirty dishes into it, "If I have to fucking yell positivity and peace of mind into you, I'll damn well do it."
Kaminari couldn't help but smile and chuckle a bit at that, going back to eating his food.
"Thanks, Kacchan. You know, you've calmed down since high school,"
"What?! I'm always fucking calm, you electric headed idiot!" Bakugo flamed, his hands crackling and Kaminari's chuckle turned into a laugh as he finished eating.
"There's the Bakugo I know!"
"Fuck off and die!"
"But I was promised cuddles!" Kaminari could still hear the voice, but it was getting quieter as Bakugo's yelling droned it out. They fell into their routine, sending quips at one another and playfully insulting as they did the dishes and cleaned up from breakfast.
As soon as Bakugo deemed it clean enough, he dragged Kaminari over to their couches and asked what movie he wanted to watch. With a grin, Kaminari selected the Princess Bride, a movie Bakugo hated to admit he liked and Kaminari knew he could get away with it. When they watched videos, usually, Bakugo would choose the film or drag one of their other friends over. So, to help combat the depression, Bakugo let Kaminari chose whatever he wanted when things got to be too much.
Kaminari had already cuddled into what Kirishima had labeled his 'Sushi roll' blanket after Bakugo once forcefully rolled him up in it because Kaminari had been having a bad day and needed comfort.
Bakugo settled in next to him as the pre-menu ads for the DVD came up, snagging part of the blanket and holding Kaminari to his side, "You were in the news this morning," He said, staring blankly at the television.
"Really?" Kaminari looked up at the other curiously, head tilted cutely.
"Yeah, the dude you saved the other day has been released. Made a public statement about how thankful he was for you. And your freaking insistence on web protection helped Pinky and Tape face keep a night-school from getting attacked last night."
He'd known about the last part, even been called about it for assistance after getting off of work then, but he hadn't expected the news to pick up on it. He'd been the one to decode the message which had let them know what would happen when and where. He hadn't been able to hear about how the arrest went, so it was comforting to hear.
He nuzzled his face against Bakugo's arm, partly hiding it in the blanket, and sniffled.
"That's... Good. Good for them."
"Watch the movie or cry; you have two options here." Bakugo hit play on the movie, as the menu had come up, and Kaminari wiped away his tears.
It wasn't the best way of coping with Kaminari's emotions, nor even the best way to comfort him, but it worked, and if it didn't do as much as he expected, they had a library of romantic comedies and two tubs of ice cream in the freezer he could burn off at work tomorrow.