Chapter Text
Day 41 –
I’d like to say that things are changing, but they’re not. Not where it matters anyway. Last night I had another nightmare. I think it was a nightmare. But I’m not so sure than it wasn’t just a memory disguised. I guess I’ll never really be sure. Whatever it was, I didn’t recognize anyone’s faces, but I must have known these people once before. Right? Mary used to say that you can’t conjure a face in your mind unless you’ve seen it before – whether it’s someone you met in passing, know well, an acquaintance, or whoever. I don’t know how true it is, but I have to find truth in something. It’s rare these days.
I wonder if I’ll ever figure out who those people were to me.
I wonder if I’ll ever really know who I was. I want to. I need to know what life was like before. I need to know what led me here. I want to know who I was before I became Sonya.
The salted breeze of the sea blew into Sonya’s tent as the flaps were pulled open. She pushed the loose strands of hair from her face as she looked up and tucked the journal beneath her thigh with her free hand.
“Writing again?” Harriet asked as the flaps closed behind her and the air settled in the tent again.
Sonya felt her mouth curl into a small smile. “Guilty.”
“No reason to be guilty.” Harriet stepped closer and took the seat next to her on the stiff pile of pallets that made up the bed. “As long as it helps more than it hurts.”
“It does,” Sonya assured her. She pulled the journal back into her lap and closed it. It wasn’t anything special. A spare banded notebook with wrinkled, faded pages that she’d found in one of the buildings back in town. This was, of course, before they reached the Safe Haven. She hadn’t needed to write in it until they arrived here and settled in. Once the new routines began, really. Maybe it was just that she didn’t have to focus until she was settled in here. Even that was questionable these days.
“Hey,” Harriet gave a slight shake to Sonya’s leg. “Have you eaten breakfast yet?”
Sonya answered with a shake of her head.
“Neither did I. Let’s go. I think Fry is making a vegetable scramble.”
“Again?” she laughed half-heartedly.
Harriet smiled and pressed a small kiss to Sonya’s temple. “Come on. We can pretend it’s Jenny’s sweet bread.”
Sonya tossed her head back and groaned. “I miss that.” She allowed Harriet to grab her hands and pull her up to stand.
“Let’s go,” Harriet said, not letting go as she backed out of the tent. “Maybe there’s something different.”
The air seemed cooler that it was when they’d first arrived at the Safe Haven. It had been cold then, but the wind seemed to pick up a bigger chill now as it came from the ocean. Most of the others seemed to hate it. Complaints were murmured around the camp through shudders and hunched shoulders, but Sonya found it comforting. She knew it was largely in part because of the years she’d spent in the Spring; a strange sort of a Stockholm Syndrome. Still, it was familiar and there were very few things that were familiar to her these days.
She used her free hand that wasn’t nestled in Harriet’s to pull her collar up above her neck as they stepped up onto the small line forming at the food tent. Her eyes scanned the area to find that most everyone was awake and already going about their days.
It was the third day in their rotation, which meant that Sonya didn’t have to worry about work until sunset. She eyed the Med Tent and could just make out Aris moving around inside. She fought the urge to check in earlier than she was meant to. As far as she knew, there was still no change with Colin.
The line moved forward and she stepped up, taking the square of wood that served as a food tray. She ran her hand across the polish that the food workers coated them with to make them safer to eat off and easier to wash. They weren’t the painted bowls from the Spring, but they worked well enough for the vegetable scramble.
She extended her arm forward as Frypan scooped two small piles onto her tray. She smiled a silent thank you and moved down the line to where a girl who’d just joined their Haven a week ago was frustratingly pushing her hair back. The girl pressed another vegetable into something that squished it to make juice drip out into the bowl of boiled water below it.
“Carrot juice?” the girl panted out to her.
“No, thank you,” Sonya offered a small smile and followed Harriet off of the line.
They found seats next to a boy whose name Sonya couldn’t remember.
He nodded to her. “Morning, Sonya. Glad to see I’m not the only one who slept in.” He laughed before he took in another mouthful of the scramble.
Sonya smiled but busied herself with her food so she wouldn’t have to explain that oversleeping was the least of her problems.
“Oh,” Harriet said suddenly. “It’s later than I thought.”
Sonya looked up and followed Harriet’s gaze across the camp. A girl with dark, short hair was sitting next to Thomas and Newt talking animatedly with her hands about something. Sonya never really spoke to her; hadn’t had an opportunity to. The girl was usually finished with breakfast and starting a morning run by the time Sonya and most of the others woke up. The only ones who were up before her were the cooks and, of course, Minho.
“If it helps, she cut her run short today,” the boy supplied, staring at his food under sharp furrowed brows.
“Why?” Harriet asked.
He looked up at her, and Sonya was only a little impressed at how quickly his features shifted from frustrated to bored. “What am I? Her keeper? Go ask her.” He stood and stormed off in heavy boots, tossing his tray into a wash-bin.
“I will never understand why they all put up with him,” Harriet shook her head and went back to her food.
It wasn’t until he disappeared into his tent that Sonya remembered who he was. “He helped save Minho.” Though her eyes stayed on the tent, she could feel Harriet’s gaze on her. “Sometimes the good has to outweigh the bad.” She turned to meet Harriet’s eyes now.
Harriet reached an arm around Sonya’s waist and pulled her closer to her and, though Sonya enjoyed the cold, she’d take Harriet’s warmth over it any day. “What happens if you don’t have anything bad for the good to outweigh, hmm?”
Sonya smiled as she leaned her head onto Harriet’s shoulder. “You tell me.”
She felt Harriet’s body shake with the small laugh and then a kiss was pressed to the top of her head. Harriet’s breath was warm as she murmured into her hair, “if I ever figure out the mystery you are, I’ll let you know.”
Sonya pulled the latex gloves on as her eyes scanned the nightly checklist on the counter. The job was simple enough – similar to how it ran in the Spring. They were kept busy, but she had yet to see anything close to what she’d had to deal with then. She silently thanked the universe every day she didn’t have to see the horrors she’d witnessed a Shade do to her friends.
Admittedly, the evening hours went smoothly. Most of the checklist was filled with tasks that passed the time: boil and sterilize equipment, wipe and sterilize surfaces, change hammocks and blankets, launder anything that needed it. The only time it varied was when they had a patient.
As she expected, Colin was fast asleep when she’d arrived. Aris and Jonah gave her a brief rundown and left to enjoy their evening off. Considering she didn’t need to fuss over Colin yet, she set about gathering the supplies to ready them for sterilization instead.
The tent’s zipper shrieked as it was swiftly yanked open and Sonya spun in the sand toward the sound.
“Sorry I’m late,” Newt exhaled. “Lost track of time.”
His voice eased the tension in her chest from thinking it was another patient. Sonya’s mouth curled into a smile as she turned back to the supplies. “No problem.”
She heard a small breath of laughter before he spoke. “I guess I shouldn’t bother apologizing anymore, hm?”
Sonya shrugged. “I’ve come to expect the ten-minute delay by now.”
He exhaled somewhere behind her and she heard a hammock creak.
She set down another needle in the row. “May I ask what it was this time?”
“You know, even if I can’t see it, I can hear the smirk in your voice.”
Sonya laughed and set down the last needle before she turned to face him and leaned back against the counter. She met his unimpressed gaze and they began a silent battle for almost a full minute before Sonya finally rolled her eyes and looked away. “You know,” she said as she folded her arms, “one of these days I will get you to talk to me.”
“Sure, sure,” Newt said as he pushed his legs against the sand and swung the hammock back and forth.
Sonya’s gaze snagged on his injured leg. She never asked how he got it, but it didn’t stop her from wondering. She assumed it was a mishap in their Maze or perhaps in some scuffle traveling the Scorch before they all met at the Right Arm. She knew plenty of people with lasting injuries from the Scorch. Still, she wondered why he didn’t try to cast it or fix it if he was working in the Medical Tent anyway. She heard him clear his throat and her eyes snapped up to meet his.
He raised a brow. “Have a question on your mind?”
Sonya blinked and felt the heat rise up her neck. “No,” she shook her head. “No I… Sorry.” She dropped her gaze to the sand.
A moment passed before he responded. “It’s okay.”
The hammock stopped creaking.
Sonya shifted where she stood. “Actually, I do have a question.”
Newt’s response was just to hold her gaze, which was typical for him. He didn’t speak much, but that was okay. Sonya had begun learning his silent language.
“Why did you choose the Med Tent?”
Newt blinked and his brows furrowed just slightly.
“I just mean… Minho told me that you were a Second-in-Command back in your Maze. You were more of a leader. Not… this.”
Newt held her gaze for another minute before he looked away and seemed to consider the question. “I was, yes,” he nodded as his eyes found some memory. “But things changed since then. It was different back in the Glade. I’m not who I was there.”
It was Sonya’s turn to look down at the floor. She knew the feeling all too well. “So why the Med Tent? Why not food or hunting with Thomas?” she chanced looking back at him.
He shrugged. “There’ve been too many people who have saved my life. Least I could do is give back.”
Sonya felt her eyes tighten as some part of her ached for him.
“What about you?” he asked as he nodded up at her. “Why’d you choose it?”
She exhaled and tried to loosen the knot in her chest. “It’s familiar. I’m comfortable helping, healing, listening.”
“You’re good at it,” he said. “I’d like to be good at this kind of thing one day.”
“You are good at it,” she tilted her head. “I hear the way you speak to people. To Minho, to Frypan.” She shifted a bit, a mischievous smile growing on her face. “To Thomas.”
Newt lifted his gaze and met hers.
She made a show of shrugging innocently.
His mouth was a line, but the warning in his eyes was light-hearted. There was another space of unspoken conversation between the two of them. It had become normal overtime. Sonya started to learn that it wasn’t just her that could read Newt’s posture – at some point, he had begun to read hers as well.
He pushed up from the hammock and walked to the counter next to her, scanning the tools with his gaze as he spoked. “And how are things with Harriet?”
Sonya turned to the side to look at his profile. “You care?”
He looked up at her now with brows furrowed. “I always do.” There was a sudden serious shift in his tone, honesty in his eyes that made her believe him.
They held each other’s gaze for another minute before she broke it. “I think she’s worried about me.”
There was a steadied pause before he answered. “In regards to…?”
Sonya didn’t answer. In her peripheral, she could see Newt turn back to the tools on the counter.
He straightened one of the needles. “Still having nightmares, then?”
“Not by choice.”
He sighed deeply. “They never are.” He moved to the side and picked up the large empty basin next to the counter. “I’ll get fresh water. Start gathering the sheets and clothing, yeah?”
“Sure,” she nodded and turned back to the checklist.
After Sonya realized that her watch wasn’t, in fact, broken and it struck eleven she pushed herself up from her spot on the floor. She turned and found Newt seated up on the counter with a clipboard in his hands, brows furrowed as he scratched away on it. “What’re you doing?”
“Inventory,” he murmured, not taking his eyes from the board.
“I just did inventory,” she gestured with her own clipboard. “And since I have the sheets, you don’t.”
His eyes lifted to meet hers above his clipboard. “Then I’m writing Colin’s vitals.”
Sonya dropped her arms to her sides. “Seriously? Did you at least write the end of day notes? It’s already elev-”
Sonya’s words were cut off at the chaos outside of their tent. Voices yelled over each other and boots scuffled in the sand. Sonya and Newt held each other’s confused stare for half a second longer before Sonya whipped around toward the zipper flap and Newt pushed off of the counter. She tore the zipper open but before they could step outside, three others pushed their way into the tent.
Sonya stumbled back at the force of someone pressing into her. She caught her balance and looked up at the chaos in front of her.
“GET HIM THE HELL OUTTA HERE!” Gally yelled over Vince’s shoulder.
“SIT DOWN.”
“VINCE HE WAS GONNA-”
“I SAID SIT DOWN.”
Sonya flinched back as Vince pushed Gally down onto a stool in the corner of the tent. It was only when Vince stepped back that Sonya was able to see the bruised and bleeding knuckles.
“What happened?” Vince asked as he whipped around.
She followed his gaze and flinched yet again, this time accompanied by a small gasp that she caught in her palm.
Thomas stood just to the side of the tent’s entrance, bloodied and cut mouth in a line, bruised eyes dark and lowered. Blood was drying on shaking hands at his sides. His nostrils flared as he breathed, though his breaths came calmly.
A blur passed Sonya and Newt was suddenly next to Thomas with a sterilized damp cloth. He reached up to Thomas’ brow but Thomas vaguely waved a hand up to push his away – his eyes never leaving their spot in the distance.
“Thomas,” Vince said. “What happened?”
Thomas’ eyes shifted a bit then but didn’t quite make it to meet any of theirs.
Vince exhaled. “Well someone’s gotta start speaking.” He pointed to the tent’s entrance as he went on, voice rising. “I’ve got Jorge out there about to blow his top off on two kids, I got another held in my tent until I figure out more room in a Slammer and now I’ve gotta find room to get you two in there unless someone talks right now and tells me what the damn hell is goin’ on around here.”
The only answer that came was from Newt tossing the damp cloth aside, frustration rippling from him.
“Hello?” Vince called out, gesturing wide to Thomas.
“It’s nothing,” Thomas said finally. The movement of his mouth caused blood to drip just slightly from his lip.
“Don’t give me that bullshit.”
“It’s those slinthead Normies,” Gally yelled in way of answer, pointing outside. “They don’t know how to shut their mouths so now I have to do it for them.”
“You don’t have to do shit except sit there and keep quiet,” Vince turned to him.
“Oh come on, Vince, you really think this is my fault?”
“It might as well be by the looks of Aaron’s face right now.”
“It’s mine,” Thomas said, voice still as even as it was before.
Vince turned to him, but Sonya’s eyes drifted to Newt. He barely moved his head as he lifted his eyes to Thomas, brows still furrowed.
Thomas finally looked up to Vince then. “Gally’s right. They don’t think I belong here so they try to make me leave.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Newt said finally, face morphing into a blend of anger and confusion. “Why would you of all people not belong here?”
Thomas blinked once slowly and when he opened his eyes, they were on Newt. He didn’t say anything, but recognition dawned on Newt and he turned away rolling his eyes. “Oh, no,” Newt laughed. He took a few steps across the tent and ran a hand through his hair.
Sonya finally found it in her to speak as she reached out to grab his arm as he walked past. “Newt, just-”
He yanked his arm from her grasp and turned back to Vince. “You’ve gotta do something about this. It’s the fourth time since we’ve been here, Vince.”
“Don’t worry about what I’m doing, you just work on getting these two cleaned up.”
“Yeah,” Newt nodded and stepped forward, “no problem. I’ve had plenty of bloody practice!”
“Watch your tone.”
Sonya stepped up then and held her arms out. “Okay, everyone breathe. We’re all strung up right now. Newt and I will help clean up Gally and Thomas and Vince you can sort out what you need to do.”
“I need to know what happened,” Vince repeated.
“God, Vince, come on,” Gally groaned.
The tent flaps tore open then, the zipper finally giving way and breaking as the girl with the short black hair stormed in, looked around the tent once, landed her gaze on Gally and shoved Vince aside as she walked up to him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
Gally at least had the decency to look taken aback. “Excuse me?”
“I had that guy. I can defend myself, you know.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’d say the same for himself,” Gally nodded to where Thomas still stood on the other side of the tent, his head tilted back now looking only slightly bored.
“Okay, that’s it,” Vince clapped his hands. “Brenda,” he looked at the girl. “Talk. What happened.”
“They jumped him because he worked for WCKD. They think this is his fault.”
Vince watched Brenda, seemingly registering what she said, perhaps working through it in his head. He turned to Thomas. “Is that true?”
Thomas shifted his eyes to Vince, not moving his head. He seemed to consider it for a moment before he nodded once.
Vince ran a hand down his face as he exhaled. “Brenda get out.”
“Excuse me?”
“Are you hurt?”
“No-”
“Then get out. Let these two patch them up. I want everyone at the Fire Circle in ten minutes. Not one minute later or you get back to back doubles.”
The only response was Gally rolling his eyes.
Vince stormed out of the tent, holding the tent flap open. “Let’s go, Brenda.”
She glared once more at Gally and took after Vince out of the tent.
When the flaps settled back into place and silence took over the cabin again, Sonya looked around at the boys. None of them were looking at anyone, finding more interest in the sand or the threads of the tent. “Okay,” Sonya sighed. “Well, my shift just got longer and we’ve only got ten minutes so let’s get through this quickly. Newt, help Thomas out? I’ll help Gally.”
Fifteen minutes later, the entirety of the Safe Haven seemed to have gathered round the Fire Circle, where they usually held their meetings. There hadn’t been one in nearly two months, but everyone still seemed to remember protocol. The crowd silenced as Vince stepped up by the fire pit.
“I’m sure you all know why you’ve been called here so late,” he started as he looked across the crowd.
Sonya reached out and took Harriet’s hand. Harriet offered up a small smile before turning back to Vince. They hadn’t had much time to talk – Harriet only made a brief comment about how she was the one to grab Vince once the fight broke out, but she hadn’t seen what happened.
Vince rested his hands on his hips as he scanned the crowd. Jorge sat just behind him slightly to the left with three other adults Sonya didn’t really get to know that well. She’d known Vince for years though, so whatever he had to say she’d listen.
“We found this Safe Haven and began to make it a home – or we’ve been trying to. We’ve come far from the first days we got here. We’ve got fields to grow vegetables, we’ve got tents set up for everyone, for food, for medical assistance and more. We’ve got training, hunting, cooking. Everything we could need to get started. And we’re still expanding. But there’s something holding us back. Something very big.”
Sonya could hear shifting along the crowd but no one uttered a word.
“The fighting between you all has got to stop,” Vince continued. “All this separation? Mazers, Normies… other names I won’t repeat.”
Sonya couldn’t help the way her eyes found Newt then. Her chest tightened at the way his jaw twitched and just beyond him, she could see the girl – Brenda, she reminded herself – straighten her posture and look around to the others as if daring someone to look at her. Sonya swiftly looked away.
“It’s gotta stop. I’m sick of having to stop what I’m doing to pull you animals off each other because you can’t keep your fists off each other!”
Sonya flinched at the way his voice raised at the end. Her eyes flicked to one of the women who stood and stepped up to his side. She murmured something to Vince that evidently eased him and he ran a hand down his face.
“Listen,” he began again in a calmer tone. “I’ve thought it over and I think the issue is that, while we’ve been so productive and advancing and building here, we haven’t stopped to get to know each other like we should. Jasmine,” he nodded to a girl somewhere off on the opposite side of the crowd that Sonya couldn’t see. He waved her down. “Come here.”
A girl with long tan legs and a high black ponytail walked up to Vince, but he was already scanning the crowd again. “Minho,” he pointed to him. “Come here.”
Sonya’s eyes found him immediately as he pushed himself to stand and meandered through the others to the front.
“Aside from your names, can you tell me anything about each other?” Vince asked the two of them.
“Yeah,” Jasmine shrugged. “He’s a weak Mazer who couldn’t escape WCKD.”
There was a sudden burst of noise from the left side of the crowd and Sonya found herself pressing her fists into her thighs and clenching her jaw to keep from calling out to the girl as well. In the side of her vision she could see Newt grip the back of Thomas’ shirt as he stood and even Aris called out from the other side of Harriet.
“Calm down, everyone stop!” Vince called out over the yelling crowd. The other adults stood up to calm the swelling crowd as the right side began firing back at the left.
There was a loud, sharp whistle and the noise dimmed. Vince let one more whistle out and the noise settled into silence once more. The last thing she heard before Vince spoke was Minho’s spit hit the ground.
“Pleasant,” Harriet laughed.
“Can’t blame him,” Sonya murmured back.
Harriet’s arm wrapped around her again as Vince began to speak.
“This is what I mean,” he said. “No more of this.”
“Why don’t you ask me what I know about her?” Minho asked, pointing at Jasmine with his chin.
Vince only responded by holding a hand up to him. He looked back across the crowd. “From this point forward, we’re halting the work schedules.”
At this, there was a more lighthearted rustle along the crowd.
“Don’t get too excited. We still need to keep this place running. Days 1 & 3 will still be in rotation. But Days 2 & 4 are going to be different work.”
Sonya scanned the crowd again glad to see she wasn’t the only one confused.
Vince took another breath and gestured for Minho and Jasmine to find their seats. Once they were settled, he started up again. “Years ago, before the world became what it is now, people around the world spent the end of each year coming together with family and friends to celebrate. They’d gather with gifts for each other, music, food and more. I don’t know all the details, but I think it’s time we start to bring that tradition back. So, for the next few weeks, we’re going to turn this Safe Haven into a place of celebration of each other.”
There was more confused murmur across the crowd, but Sonya found herself focusing in on Vince eager to hear more. Though she didn’t know much about whatever celebration he’d been referencing, she loved the idea of getting to relax off from work and hear music.
“So tomorrow, everyone is going to have off and we’re going to gather here and I’m going to split us all into groups. No choosing your own teams. The five of us here,” he gestured to the other adults, “will each be taking a group of you under our wing to start getting this place to feel more home-y. I don’t wanna hear any complaints. And if I hear the words Normie or Mazer one more time, it’s the Slammer for forty-eight hours – not twenty-four. Forty-eight. You got me?” He looked around at the crowd before he repeated louder: “I asked if you understand.”
The crowd responded in a flat call of “yes”s, but it seemed good enough for Vince.
“Get to your tents. It’s an early night tonight. No complaints. This is what you get for the chaos you want to cause here.” He waved them all off and the crowd started to pick up in conversations again as everyone dispersed off into their own directions.
Sonya turned to Harriet and Aris. “This seems like it might be kind of fun.”
Harriet smiled back at her. “Yeah, I think it’s about time we switch things up here.”
Aris, though, shrugged on the other side. “I don’t know, I don’t really see how it will change much.”
“Why not?” Sonya asked.
Aris exhaled. He flicked his gaze down to their hands and then away. “It’s different for you guys.” He pushed himself to stand and dusted off his pants. “I’m heading in. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”
Sonya furrowed her brow, but didn’t call him back. Her eyes landed on Thomas where he swatted Newt’s hand away from his bruised brow again.
“They think he helped WCKD too,” Harriet sighed.
Sonya shrugged. “He did, but that doesn’t make him a bad person.”
“They don’t know that.”
“Because they don’t try to,” Sonya said looking back at her.
Harriet held up her hands in front of her. “I’m not defending them.”
Sonya pushed her hair back from her face. “I know, I’m sorry.”
“Come on,” Harriet linked her hand through Sonya’s. “Let’s go lie down and get some rest. It’s been a busy day for everyone and we need the sleep.”
“Newt and I didn’t finish our checklist for the night.”
Harriet’s eyes flitted past Sonya in the direction of the boys. “I don’t think he’s overly concerned. Besides, Vince said no exceptions. Come on.”
Sonya gave her warning with her eyes, but her mouth curled up in a smile to betray her and she let Harriet lead her toward the tent.