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Hwang Minhyun hadn't really known what to expect when he befriended Kang Daniel all those years ago, he doesn't particularly remember what had seemed so alluring about Daniel but there had just been something almost magnetic that pulled him further and further in. He didn't go against it.
It was much like a magnetic pull, it was something much too strong to fight against so he didn't fight it. He didn't feel like he had to, so he ended up hanging upside down from the monkey bars, looking Daniel right in the eyes as he reached his hand out to touch his nose.
He didn't know how silly it was back then, but it had been something that caused Daniel to let out a small huff of surprise. Minhyun remembers the feeling of the giggles that had slowly bubbled to the surface, light and breathy.
Daniel was cute, his eyes wide and mouth in a pout as his chubby fingers covered his nose. He doesn't know what made him want to instigate such a meeting, or even why he'd been drawn to him but he really isn't against it.
In retaliation, he'd jumped onto the monkey bars himself. His arms thin, but strong enough to hold his body considering that he was much lighter than, and the monkey bars were his favourite part of the park.
They weren't Daniel's favourite, his favourite was actually the swing. Minhyun wouldn't find this out until some years later though, he found it quite funny that Daniel had pretended to like the monkey bars just to seem cool.
He remembers how he'd pulled himself up to sit on the bars, his fists balled around the pale yellow metal. They were white, he was always scared he'd fall off which doesn't really make sense but it doesn't really matter anymore.
He remembers the crisp morning air against his face as he looked down to see Daniel, he'd reached down to help him up so they could sit together.
It had been a cool day in the middle of winter, the wind had been nice. Minhyun's always liked the wind, he likes that it brings change. It can sweep things away, make them forgotten and allows people to move on.
No one really knows what the world is like when they're young, the laughter and giggles shared between he and Daniel had been something that was purely innocent. They hadn't known about the cruel ways of the world or the way that it tended to hurt and wound people in the cruellest way possible.
He wonders if Daniel still thinks that his first greeting was a bit silly, he thinks its embarrassing. Daniel tells it whenever people ask how they met, but he doesn't particularly like that people like to laugh at him, but he doesn't mind when Daniel laughs at him.
He stares at the ceiling, his eyes opening slowly. He finds that his room is something oddly empty despite the posters everywhere and the massive pictures hanging on the wall. There's a small group of succulents that sit on the windowsill.
He's surprised they've managed to survive for so long considering that he always forgets to water them, or overwaters them.
He can never find the right balance between the two.
He doesn't move to stand up but stays lying in his bed. He's someone who can be either side of the spectrum, somedays he finds himself jumping to get out of bed and meet up with friends but others he just wants to stay in and binge watch movies and television shows.
He likes to invest himself in different things, he likes to put himself in other universes. He remembers he'd always make Daniel play the villain whenever they played games together, the two of them always knocking down different lego towers they'd built.
They still play Jenga every now and then, there's an old set hidden away in the drawers somewhere.
Daniel doesn't usually like to play though, because unlike Minhyun he doesn't particularly enjoy cleaning up their own messes, whether it be food stepped into the carpet underneath the coffee table or a pile of messy laundry.
He doesn't mind cleaning those things up at all, it gives him peace of mind actually. It allows him to just breathe and declutter his mind, he doesn't mind whistling a small tune to himself as he unpacks their dirty washing into the communal washing machine downstairs.
He doesn't really mind the loud drumming of the machine, he likes the noise it provides. He's never been one who's enjoyed being surrounded by only silence, there always has to be some type of noise.
That's always Daniel's reasoning for them to get a cat, even if they'd have to sneak it in through the front doors since cats technically aren't allowed in their apartment complex. He thinks it would be cruel to keep cats in such a tiny apartment.
He thinks Daniel just misses his own though, which Minhyun finds endearing considering he's never particularly been one for pets. He doesn't like the thought of having to vacuum up cat hair that would end up all over their sheets and couches.
He finds his vision going blurry, probably from looking in the same place for a bit too long. He's still slightly sleepy, but that doesn't mean he can't get out of bed. He doesn't even know the time since he's left his phone outside in the kitchen, and his clock is out of batteries.
Daniel doesn't like waking him up, he knows it's something that can be particularly frustrating for him. The carpet is soft under his feet as he pulls himself out of bed, stretching his arms above his head.
Sunlight peeks through the curtains of his window, providing a little bit of light in the darkness of his room. It isn't welcome, but it isn't uninvited.
He finds that he quite likes the sunlight in the mornings, it's a natural way to wake up.
He'd rather wake up to sunlight than a glaring artificial lightbulb. He pushes his feet into his slippers, his pyjama pants dragging at the back of his heels against the floor since they're slightly too long.
He catches a yawn in his hands, his eyes squinting shut as he closes his door behind him. Their apartment is always warm in the winter, they never fight over the temperature inside which is rather nice.
He doesn't see Daniel anywhere, and the newspaper isn't on the kitchen counter. He knows that means that he's the first awake, Daniel always likes to read the news first. He always laughs at the comics for some unknown reason.
The door creaks shut, the lock clicking as he shuts it. The newspaper comfortable in his hands as he walks to set it down on the counter, he doesn't pay attention to it and instead goes into the small kitchen.
He first reaches into their refrigerator and pulls out a carton of milk, setting it down next to their old coffee plunger. He gets two mugs out from the cupboards just underneath it, his knees protesting as he bends down.
They each have their favourites, Daniel's favourite is a mug decorated with a cat's tail for a handle and two little orange coloured ears that stick out from the rim on the other side. There's a face drawn into it too, and its eyes are blue. At the moment though, the eyes appear to be closed since there isn't anything hot in the mug.
His own mug is much simpler, one that's all black with green spots all over it. Though the colour's beginning to fade now, he's had it for a few years but he'd never get rid of it since it had been Daniel who'd chosen it for him.
He hears a door open from the other side of the apartment, he quickly grabs their coffee grinds before putting them into the plunger. He puts a kettle on the sink, waiting for it to boil.
He tries not to get lost in his thoughts as he looks out onto their small apartment, the bookshelves next to the television stacked messily with books that they'd long since stopped attempting
to read.
There is even an old video game console sitting abandoned, he wishes that they would play more but for some reason, Daniel's become more prone to movies than video games. He sometimes misses the way they used to play racing games where they would get so into it that they'd brush shoulders, shouting and laughing as they raced past another.
A loud whistle penetrates his daydreaming, the kettle giving off what looks like too much steam.
He quickly pours the water into the plunger, trying not to burn his hands. He's burnt himself making coffee a surprising amount of times. He watches as the liquid slowly swirls, the surface turning into a lighter brown before he pushes it down halfway for a minute.
It's just as Daniel walks in that he's pouring the coffee into the two mugs, Daniel only likes a small amount of milk and one sugar whereas he can't stand the bitter taste so he has half milk, half coffee and two sugars.
He has more of a sweet tooth than most people, Daniel always mocks him for it.
"Good morning Hyunnie."
He doesn't really know why his heart skips a beat, but he doesn't spare it a second thought as he hands Daniel his coffee as he walks back to the other side of the counter. He sits down next to him, cradling his coffee in his hands.
"Good morning!"
He sees the front page of the news and his heart sinks, he doesn't spare it much thought. He doesn't like thinking about people's unhappiness, he isn't the same as Daniel who tends to go on and on about the tragedy of romance.
Romance is just that, tragedy. It's a curse to them if it's something that can only be hoped for if it just brings harm to people, he doesn't understand why humans had to be cursed with the loss of their happily ever afters.
He doesn't dwell on it, he doesn't want to think of the sickness that curses people to death. He doesn't understand what's so hard about leaving love behind, he doesn't understand why Daniel
is so obsessed with it.
Love is just an obsession, isn't it?
If that's all love is, Minhyun doesn't think that it's something he feels he wants. He doesn't know if he could handle just an obsession and nothing else.
He doesn't know why there's a paleness in Daniel's face, why his eyes are slightly red. He doesn't understand why because he looks happy, it may be sleep but he knows Daniel, and he knows that Daniel is someone who just doesn't get like this oversleep.
It could be something more, or something less.
Minhyun can't tell what, but he just wishes to be there for his friend.
"You okay?"
The words aren't anything other than what they would usually share with each other, they know that they can share anything. It'll be safe between them, no matter what.
Daniel chooses to remain hidden though, not willing to tell him what's on his mind and just shaking his head.
"I'm fine, Hwannie, don't worry about me, okay?"
He doesn't say anything after that, worry slowly creeping into his mind because he knows Daniel. He knows that he's never this quiet when he sees a tragedy in the news, he knows that he's someone who's always willing to bring about happiness to the room.
He just leaves him alone though, because he doesn't want to push Daniel into saying something he isn't ready to explain.
Minhyun takes another sip of his coffee before he reaches to the top of the bench, he takes the newspaper in his hands and flips it over onto the other side.
There's no photo of a mourning man, there's no headline screaming at them.
There's simply blank writing that's rather minuscule, in a font that can't be read unless pulled close to the eyes.
Daniel is soft, kind, caring and so much more. He's warmhearted, but he only feels cold every day now, it creeps up on him more and more. He thinks of his life, he thinks of his friendships and why it had to be him of all people.
He's appreciative that Minhyun had flipped the newspaper to the other side, he can't look at the headline anymore.
He hates the whole deal with soulmates, he's heard stories of people searching for decades. Having a soulmate is dangerous, he knows that it's like a ticking time bomb.
For some reason, they're expected to know the right person. There's no sign, no words, no dreams just human nature and relationships that make life seem almost too complex.
He likes the complexities though, he likes struggling to figure out the meanings behind people's every little move. He likes seeing the way people will reflexively smile when they're faced with kindness, he doesn't understand why they smile even as they suffer but he admires it.
He doesn't really know why Minhyun is being so fond this morning, he's usually not the first awake and quite likes to sleep in. His room is also something that seems like its a completely different world to his own.
His coffee is slightly sweeter due to the slight amount of milk which balances out the acidity perfectly.
In his opinion, coffee on its own tastes bitter and acidic, harsh, as if a punch to the gut. He likes cradling his hands around the mug, it allows the warmth to seep into his palms.
It's something rather nice to do in the winter, especially on the first day when it's a bit cooler and unpredictable.
It's too early for snow, but he likes the snow even if it gets too cold for him a lot of the time. He just thinks it's something pretty though, he remembers running through snow forts and crushing walls as he and Minhyun had fought with snowballs and more.
He remembers it so well that it brings a fond smile to his face, the memories as if they're from yesterday and not years ago.
He wonders when he'd allowed himself to become so close to Minhyun.
He doesn't wonder why though, because he doesn't think he would be anywhere without him. He doesn't think that Minhyun would have gotten through life without him.
There are many people who believe them to be soulmates, but he doesn't think so.
Minhyun definitely doesn't think so, it's not a silly thought to have considering how long they've been together as friends.
It's ridiculous really, he hears Minhyun's mug make a small noise as it hits against the wood of the kitchen counter. He leaves Daniel's side, it immediately feels empty and he finds himself missing his warmth.
He's pleasantly surprised when Minhyung beckons him over to their small, worn down couch which has holes in the pillows and the blankets are slightly ratty. He doesn't care though because it's cozy, it's what makes their home their home.
He couldn't be happier than he is right now, he thinks as he sits next to Minhyun, whose warmth is welcomed.
The winter is nice, Daniel thinks as he leans his head on Minhyun's shoulder. They're sharing the small blanket they'd brought when they first moved in. It's nice because he has Minhyun to
share his home with.
It's Minhyun who he can share warmth and happiness with and there's nothing that could bring him more joy than that.
He doesn't really pay attention to what's playing on the television, he doesn't think that Minhyun is either. He looks as if he's staring more above the television than at it, there's a soft smile on his face.
Daniel feels blessed as he watches because there really is nothing as lovely as Minhyun's smile. He doesn't think anything could top the sheer beauty of it, it's filled with genuine love and kindness for the folk around him.
He doesn't realise he's been looking for a bit too long until Minhyun turns to meet his gaze. He isn't embarrassed but instead just looks back at the tv, cuddling back into his friend's side.
He's content right now, happier than ever and he knows that they're really nothing more than friends.
He's happy with that, he's happy with that and he doesn't care for the warmth that creeps through his body, nor does he care for the pang in his heart as he feels his body begin to drift.
It's a lazy day, neither of them has anywhere to be.
They're both thankful for that because that means they can just sit with each other on the couch, share hot drinks and put on dramas that only become background noise to them.
He doesn't know why it's only background noise, but that's really all it is. He's too busy drifting in and out of consciousness for it to be anything else.
He doesn't mind, he doesn't mind at all as Minhyun begins to hum softly, as if a form of reassurance for both of them.
He doesn’t know when it happens, nor does he know when he realises what’s wrong. He doesn’t really want to acknowledge it. Daniel just goes about his day as he usually would, he doesn’t listen to the small nagging in his brain.
He just takes what he can get from Minhyun, enjoying the smell of his shampoo and the way his skin is soft when he’s pulled to sit down with him from time to time.
It isn’t particularly a problem, well he doesn’t think it’s a problem.
There isn’t a problem, they’re simply friends and that’s all.
They’ve always only been friends, there isn’t something that says they shouldn’t be any more than friends but why is there something slowly manifesting within him. There’s a longing to feel Minhyun’s hand around his waist, pulling him closer, a longing to hear his laugh every day and see his smile just for him.
He just wants Minhyun to himself, that’s not a problem.
They’re just friends, it can’t be a problem. He knows it isn’t a problem because it can’t be.
He pays more attention to Minhyun than the flashing of the television screen, he pays more attention to the way his hands look as they run through his hair. He finds his eyes drawn to his smile, alluring, delicate and unforgettable.
There’s something manifesting, polluting his mind.
He doesn’t want it. He doesn’t need it, it’s not something he’s ready to just accept.
It means that he’s in danger, that there’s something wrong inside him. It’s something unknown, something he’s never felt.
It’s almost like the hearth of a home, Daniel thinks. It’s warm, welcoming and open.
There’s a darkness within it though, hidden by the flames that sit in the middle of the fire. There’s a darkness that he can’t comprehend, nor understand.
He doesn’t like the darkness, he doesn’t think there’s anyone who likes the darkness.
They don’t talk to each other as much as other roommates, sometimes they can get a bit loud but when it’s just them sitting down and enjoying time off, there’s not much to be said.
They know each other, they know each other enough that they shouldn’t have to share each and every thought. It’s comfortable, Daniel thinks, comfortable and so much like home that he feels like he shouldn’t need to say everything.
“What are we even watching?”
Minhyung just shakes his head, smiling as he turns around to look at Daniel. His eyes are filled with mirth, a soft smile on his face.
Daniel really thinks that Minhyun is beautiful, in every shape of the word. He looks like he was made to be seen, to be on stage and have the world realise his true potential.
“I don’t know, it’s just some drama I think…”
He just lets out a small laugh at this, finding himself lost in Minhyun’s gaze.
He doesn’t think it’s something particularly weird as he begins to laugh, sitting up and turning to look at Minhyun. He’s still tired, his eyes are slightly droopy and his mouth opens in a yawn.
They’re still dressed in their pyjamas even though it’s been at least two hours. This has become their tradition, he realises. He looks back on their time as kids, the amount of times that they used to cuddle under blanket forts watching cartoons and kids shows on the first day of winter, hot chocolate in their small hands.
They’d stay in their pyjamas all day, and only talk when there was an ad break or something in the show that they found especially funny.
They’d simply traded blanket forts for a couch, and hot chocolate for coffee. There’s still the same thing happening today, they’re simply older and nothing else. He thought everything would change when they got older, he never thought that they would end up living together in an apartment, doing nearly everything together.
He doesn’t think that they would end up being as close they are, he doesn’t let himself entertain his thoughts anymore. He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of such thoughts so as not to bring himself any more pain, or hurt.
He knows what the next step is, and he doesn’t want to accept it. He can’t bring himself to accept it, not yet. He isn’t ready to accept just what’s going on, he can’t think about the small pang in his chest as he turns around after picking up their two mugs to take them to the kitchen.
Minhyun is cuddled up in the corner of the couch, his legs tucked under the blanket. His head is poking out just above it, his hair still messy from sleep.
Minhyun is someone that Daniel never expected to have, he hadn’t really had anyone else until they’d ended up in the same class at primary school. They’d been six years old and he’d been trying to make friends all day, but no one had really wanted to play with him but Minhyun had come right on up to him.
He’d smiled, reached out his hand and taken Daniel straight to the lego pieces that were in the corner during morning break.
They’d been inseparable ever since. He doesn’t know what made Minhyun come up to him then, but he’s happy that he did. He can’t imagine what his life would be like without his friend.
He’s content, he thinks as water runs over his hands as he washes out the two coffee mugs. The smell is strong, acidic but he doesn’t it at all. It helps wake him up and draw him out of his thoughts.
He sits back down on the other side of the couch, Minhyun starts another movie and this time the two of them try and pay attention. The opening music quiet, but Daniel finds that he can’t pay attention because Minhyun moves closer to him now.
It’s just like that that they switch positions, and Minhyun is lying against his shoulder.
“Have you ever realised that the first day of winter has become a tradition, Hwannie?”
Daniel smiles as he says it, his heart lifting with giddiness because that’s what this is. This is a tradition born out of pure love, love that isn’t something more than what they’d expect from each other.
It’s a balanced love, Daniel thinks, even if he knows he’s only trying to trick himself.
“Yeah, I have, we’re still kids at heart, aren’t we?”
Daniel just elbows Minhyun softly, who jerks up and sends him a glare.
“That was just rude, and you’re definitely still a kid if you elbow me like that.”
Daniel can’t deny that.
It’s a few days later that Minhyun begins to notice that there’s something wrong. There’s something off with Daniel, he doesn’t know how he can tell but he just can.
He can tell that his friend hasn’t been sleeping as much as he needs to, he can tell that there’s more than just sickness that’s bringing him down. There’s more than a sickness that’s keeping him up, he can smell something on his breath every morning before their shared coffee.
He knows that Daniel thinks he doesn’t know, but he can’t bring himself to understand what’s truly going in Daniel’s mind. There’s not much for him to put together, all he knows is that Daniel has gone and hidden apart of himself away, he’s left their carefree conversations behind and made it so there are only skeletons of what was once vibrant laughter.
He feels like everything has become a lot more grey, yet there’s some ounce of colour in the Daniel always tries to make him smile. There are always small quips that make him let out laughter, and he wouldn’t be lying if he said he didn’t like it when Daniel would reach forward to take his hand and guide him through the streets when they were out.
They’ve always been a lot closer than most, some say they’re too close for comfort but neither of them thinks so. They’re far from being too close for comfort, it’s comfortable for them and quite frankly he finds that he doesn’t care what other people think of them.
It’s not their business, it doesn’t matter what they do when they’re around strangers because their opinion doesn’t affect them at all. They can think what they want, they can think they’re more than what appears to the eye but both of them know that they’re only friends and nothing else.
He wonders why Daniel won’t tell him what’s going on, he finds himself becoming more and more worried. There’s never really anything that they don’t share with each other because they’re close. They’re best friends, there’s nothing that they don’t tell each other.
They don’t have secrets, they’ve never had secrets.
Minhyun lets out a sigh as he looks over from the couch to the door to Daniel’s room, wondering what’s going on behind closed doors. He wants to go inside, to check on his friend but he knows that it’s a violation of privacy, and they don’t get much privacy and they’d declared that each other’s rooms were off limits when they’d moved in together.
Though, it isn’t that big of a deal, because they find themselves sharing rooms more often than not. That was more in the past though, it isn’t really something that they do anymore. He finds that he misses it sometimes, he turns his gaze away from the door, deciding to reach for the remote for the television.
He just needs some type of background noise to drown out his thoughts before he gets too caught up in them because he knows there’s nothing more than platonic love between them. There’s nothing more or less, if they are soulmates, then it’s nothing more than something platonic.
Daniel knows that he knows that Daniel knows there are no romantic feelings between them.
He tunes into the show on the television. It’s a vibrant cartoon, animated with colour everywhere. He finds that he doesn’t mind cartoons, he used to watch them with Daniel all the time as they’d grown up.
It had been something that they’d truly cherished, he loved watching the terrible Korean dubs with buttered popcorn and soft drinks that made their stomachs hurt. He doesn’t know when he’d become someone so sentimental, it isn’t something that he’s ever really been able to fully understand.
He doesn’t hate it though, because it makes him feel much happier and content with where he is. It makes him love his old memories and cherish them more than anything else.
He knows that his friends are rather different, that they prefer to live in the moment. He thinks Daniel’s like him, a person who holds value in everything that goes on, past and present. He’s someone who sees the world through rose coloured glasses and Minhyun finds himself jealous of Daniel sometimes.
He lets out a small laugh as one of the turtles on screen trips over the grate that comes out from the sewers, his ankle caught in one of the ladder rungs.
He doesn’t know why Daniel’s been spending so much time away from him now, he doesn’t know why he doesn’t see him until ten in the morning instead of at eight or nine. It isn’t his place to pry though, Daniel needs his space and that’s something that he has to respect.
He doesn’t like thinking about what could be wrong with his friend, but he doesn’t think about it for too long. He just leaves his thoughts behind, becoming trapped in a world of colour and vibrancy.
He just wants to escape the sudden emptiness of the apartment. That’s it, Daniel’s been so down and he can’t think of anything to do with his friend. He remembers one thing though, he remembers something that they used to always do when they were younger.
He scrambles up from the couch, running into his room and slamming the door shut before throwing on a pair of black jeans that are too skinny for his liking, pairing them with a larger black sweater. He just shouts a goodbye to Daniel before grabbing his coat and walking out of the apartment.
He hopes that this makes Daniel feel somewhat better, he hopes that what he remembers is correct. He’s putting a lot of faith in himself, and his own memory but that should be enough he thinks. That should be something that’s definitely enough because he knows Daniel better than he knows his own family members.
The air is cold against his skin as he steps out of the apartment building, it bites at his skin. He feels it creeping up his neck, and he regrets forgetting a scarf and a beanie but he doesn’t need to go back inside. He can’t go back in until this is done.
He walks to the bus stop, his head tucked into the collar of his shirt and jacket. His hands are shoved in his pockets, it’s cold but it still hasn’t snowed which makes him upset. He may be someone who prefers summer over winter, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t think that winter is something truly beautiful.
It’s warm when he walks into the florist, and it’s more than welcome. The flowers are gorgeous he finds, each colour breathtaking. He doesn’t spend a lot of time in florist stores considering his pollen allergies but that’s okay, he’ll push through them to make his friend happy.
What catches his eye, however, is a small bunch of white Forget Me Nots, paired with blue on the inside. He leans down on one knee to get a closer look before smiling to himself, reaching down to them out of the bucket. There’s water dripping from the bottom and he reaches for his back pocket, knowing that Daniel will appreciate this thought more than anything.
He walks up to the register, the florist who follows him has handwriting scrawled messily on a chalk nametag. He manages to decipher it as Woojin, he looks around the shop to see another boy talking animatedly about Carnations and baby’s breath.
“It always makes me happy when we sell Forget Me Nots.”
The cashier muses, looking up at him with a smile. There’s a reason, he knows the story behind them, which is why Daniel likes them so much.
“They’re for a friend…”
Woojin just shakes his head, smiling at him before getting out wrapping paper from under the wooden counter.
“You don’t get Forget Me Nots for just a friend, believe me.”
Minhyun chooses not to believe the florist.
It begins to rain as he’s on the way home, the rain pouring down and he’d forgotten his own umbrella. He hides the flowers under his jacket. He waits at the bus stop, the headlights of cars glaring through the haze of water as the pouring only gets heavier.
He feels his own vibrate in his pocket while he’s still waiting at the stop, though he can’t pick it up without everything getting drenched. He doesn’t think it’s anything important, it isn’t important. He knows it isn’t, because there’s nothing happening.
There’s no one at risk, there’s nothing dangerous that could threaten him or those around him. He doesn’t have any other company than the smell of rain and the sound of it hitting against the pavement. It’s a nice sound he thinks, it’s something that fills the world with an irreplaceable ambience.
A white noise that erases everything and pushes it all into the background. The bus comes to a stop in front of him, and there isn’t any heating inside but it’s nice to just be surrounded by other people even if there are only four or five others.
It doesn’t take him long to get back home, the bus trip is only fifteen minutes and it gives him time to think. He can think about his day and what might be wrong, he can think about what he can do to help cheer Daniel up and make him feel happy again.
He wonders if the flowers will help, that'd be nice. If the flowers were just able to ward off whatever was wrong because he's so confused about why Daniel barely talks to him anymore. He's confused about why they don't share as much as they used to with each other.
It all doesn't make sense, and he's not sure if it ever will.
He pulls the flowers out from under his jacket, feeling relief flood him when he sees that they're safe. There's no harm done to them, there's nothing that shows they've been damaged. He holds onto the stems tightly, he thinks he feels water from the stems begin to seep through the paper.
The bus comes to a stop in what seems like seconds, it doesn't feel like it's been fifteen minutes at all but he just steps off. The rain isn't as heavy anymore, it's light. He holds the flowers out in the open, thinking the droplets look pretty as they adorn the petals.
When he steps into the apartment building it's flooded with warmth, there's no cold but Minhyun feels something off. He doesn't know why, or what but he can tell that there's something.
He gets to their floor, the small noise of the elevator beeping to let them know just where they are. He doesn't hear anything coming from their apartment as he walks towards it, there are no footsteps, no noise.
It seems like there's no life.
He pushes his key into the lock, turning it to open. He nearly drops the flowers when he first smells it, metallic and hot. It fills the air and he can hear someone, he can hear something. He can hear sobbing, screaming even.
He doesn't drop the flowers yet, but he runs to the bathroom where he can hear Daniel. He can hear someone screaming to be helped, and he doesn't know what to do.
Who would know what to do right now?
He feels something cold wash over him when he sees it, blood in the sink, mixed with soap and water. The smell stings his nose and he drops the flower bunch when he sees Daniel.
Daniel's sitting in a corner of the bathroom. There are tears slowly making their way down his face and he can barely contain his own fear as he approaches, the first thing he notices when he gets there are the countless petals on the floor around him.
They surround Daniel as if a ring of protection. He can't do anything but stare as he tries to make sense of everything, he can't help it when he begins to laugh.
It's bitter, empty and what he shouldn't be doing but he has to laugh at his own stupidity because of course Daniel had to fall in love with him. He should've noticed, he should've known and sent him to the hospital.
He can see half stems of fused roses, red and white petals decorate the floor. He can see small bright blue forget me nots mixed with white baby's breath. They're all such beautiful flowers, they're beautiful even while marred with blood.
"H-Hwangie..."
Daniel speaks, his eyes look as if they're made of pure glass. They're reflecting everything right now, they're reflecting Daniel's fear and Minhyun's confusion. The eyes are a window into the soul, they say, but they're a reflection of yourself when someone cries for you.
Daniel reflects fear and confusion, and Minhyun has no idea how long this has been going for but Daniel wants his help more than anything. He needs him now, more than ever before he coughs up another rose stem.
He can already see Daniel trying to hold down another small mouthful of blood, his wrists shaking as he tries to push himself up off of the ground. He can't do it, not now when there's so much wrong so Minhyun does the only thing he really can.
"Hold on Daniel, okay?"
Daniel looks at him with a small smile, a smile that's fringed with blood. He doesn't know how Daniel can smile right now, but the least he can do is smile back despite everything going on.
He picks the flowers off of the ground, placing them on the kitchen bench before grabbing the first cup he sees from the sink. He doesn't care if it's dirty or not, he just needs something for Daniel to spit blood into in case another rose comes up.
Then there's a bowl, a bowl for Daniel to throw petals and flowers into. He gets to the bathroom as he quickly as he can when he begins to hear another sob, followed by a low scream. When he gets there, blood isn't just fringing either side of Daniel's lips.
It's dribbled down his chin to cover his shirt front, which doesn't look like it's been changed in days. He passes the bucket to Daniel first, making sure it's perfectly balanced in his lap before trying to talk to him.
"Alright Daniel, the bucket here, this is for petals and flowers okay?" Daniel just nods, his head lurches forward as he coughs, blood spattering into the pure white bowl.
"Now, the cup I gave you is for blood or vomit, or anything else you feel like you might throw up, alright?"
Daniel's energy is low, Minhyun can tell so he just leaves him in the corner, watching him as he moves to the doorway. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, it takes him a while to calm down enough to be able to speak properly before he dials an ambulance.
He can't give Daniel the help he needs, he can't do it but a professional can.
A professional can help him more than anyone else right now, even if it means a surgery that neither of them ever were ready for.
"Hello 119, what's your emergency?"
"My friend's sitting in the corner of our shared bathroom throwing up flowers and blood and I don't know what to do, I just got home and I found him like this just sitting there and he's looking at me with so much hope but I just don't know what to do, please just send an ambulance, someone, anyone to help him."
"Okay sir, I'm gonna need you to help your friend out a little here for me okay? Until someone gets there you have to look after him and be his emotional support, even if it hurts both of you."
"A-Alright, I can do that, I think I can do that."
The second time he says it is more for self-reassurance than anything else.
"Now, what's your address."
Everything from then on is a blur, it's all nothing. He can't think about it without running through it all too fast, he can't remember anything but the fear and anxiety he felt. He wishes that Daniel had just told him because then, then he wouldn't be sitting in a waiting room as they cut into his best friend.
He wouldn't be pacing up and down with shaking fingers.
"You don't get forget me nots for just a friend, believe me."
Minhyun shakes his head, trying to forget the florist's words because they don't matter right now.
Nothing matters but Daniel. There's nothing more important than his friend's health and safety and he doesn't know what else he can do. He feels like he's useless like he just isn't do anything right.
He should be able to help more, he should be able to do more than just sit down and read a book or a magazine. He should be able to do so much more than that, it feels too long. He feels a burning on the underside of his wrist.
He doesn't flinch or think anything of it, he doesn't even look at it.
He's too worried for Daniel to do anything else. He sits down when he sees the way the receptionist looks at him, he knows it's annoying watching someone walk up and down constantly.
He can't help it though, he really can't. There's nothing he can do right now other than worry, he feels as if everything is slowly beginning to rot. He doesn't just feel tiredness seeping into his bones but he feels it eating at him, he's exhausted.
It weighs him down, chewing at the back of his knees and his spine. It breaks everything in him down until he has to force himself to sit. He realises that he hasn't cried yet, he hasn't wept. He hasn't let out a single tear for Daniel.
He feels something fall on his leg, absorbing into the fabric of his pants. When he looks down there's a droplet that's darkened the fabric and he can't hold it back anymore. He can't stop himself from letting everything take over him, fear, exhaustion and shock all coming at once.
He should have known, he knows Daniel better than anyone. He knows him that he should've taken him to the doctor as soon as he knew there was something wrong.
He didn't though, and he knows that's where his fault lies.
It's quiet, and it smells too clean for it to be somewhere enjoyable when Daniel comes to. His eyes look around the room to see someone sitting next to him, their hands are clasped around his.
He notices them immediately, Minhyun. He's asleep, but he hasn't let go. Daniel doesn't feel anything though, it isn't as if there's something missing but there's simply just a happiness.
There's a happiness inside him at seeing his friend next to him, he's lucky to have a friend as amazing as Minhyun in his life. He's always been someone amazing, always looking after him in the best way possible and to the best of his ability.
He can barely remember what it had been like to feel more than this, he doesn't find that he wants to. He's happy now, content with the way Minhyun holds onto his hand tighter than ever as if it's his final lifeline.
He looks around the room again, seeing various health posters. There's a trodden on bunch of flowers sitting in a vase just next to him. He tries to sit up, only to let out a loud moan when he feels his body scream at him.
Minhyun wakes up then, his grip tightening around his hands. His eyes are soft, warm and full of relief as he looks at Daniel. He sees the worry on his face slowly melt away before he stands up, his hand falls away from Daniel’s.
Daniel doesn’t mean to notice and it’s not his business but he notices something on the underside of Minhyun’s wrist. It isn't big, but small enough that they’d be hard for anyone to notice unless they looked rather closely.
They look as if there's a ring, or a date or something along those lines. He leans back, letting it all sink in and he feels oddly empty.
He feels empty because he can’t remember what he used to feel whenever he used to look at Daniel. He just knows that there’s something missing, he knows that he’s had the surgery to remove the flowers and disease from his body.
It isn’t the same though, he finds that he can’t quite explain what it is that he’s missing. He knows it’s supposed to be love that he’s missing but he still does love Minhyun. He just doesn’t love him the same way, he loves him as a friend would love a friend or a brother a brother.
It’s not the same, it’s something so different that he finds himself trying to come to terms with it. He doesn’t feel the same sadness that used to accompany Minhyun whenever he walked into the room or spent time with Daniel. He doesn’t feel the same anxiety or coldness.
The door opens and the doctor walks in, he looks young. He looks much younger than him, he has a name tag on his coat. It’s pure white and he has thin-rimmed glasses that sit on the bridge of his nose, he reaches his hand out and Daniel shakes it.
His name tag reads Bae Jinyoung, he’s quite thin with harsh features. His eyes are similar to a cat’s and his jawline is sharp. He has a warm smile on his face as he moves to sit down on the chair across from him.
“How’re you feeling Daniel?”
He doesn’t know how he feels, but the room feels different without Minhyun. It was probably him who had gone to get the doctor though, considering it looks like he’d spent all night at the hospital.
He turns his head to look properly at Jinyoung, slowly building his strength to speak. He’s still tired even if he’d been asleep since he’d passed out. He can remember small parts of the ambulance ride, though not much of it.
He can recall what had happened beforehand though, he remembers the flowers that Minhyun had been holding and the way they’d fallen to the floor. He remembers how he’d acted almost on instinct, not caring that Daniel had fallen in love with him.
“Daniel?”
“Okay…It’s a bit hard for me to sit up and I’m exhausted even if I’ve barely been awake for the last day…”
He realises that it must be the morning of the next day at least, he can hear the birds outside through the open cracks of the window to his room.
“That’s natural, Daniel, you just need to take care of yourself right now but also we don’t want to keep you here for too long because it’s a rather stress-inducing environment and that will only cause your healing to be slower and take more time.”
Daniel nods at this, suddenly feeling his throat dry because that means spending more time with Minhyun. He doesn’t listen to anything else said by Jinyoung, instead, he turns his wrist around to look at the underside of his own.
There’s nothing there, there’s nothing for him to see. There’s no date, time or initials which brings relief but maybe it doesn’t work the way he always thought it did.
“Will your friend be able to help redress your wounds and look after the stitches from the surgery?”
“Yeah, he’d be happy to, he’ll probably keep me locked up in the apartment for at least two months.”
Jinyoung lets out a laugh at that before standing up again. He moves to the end of the bed, collecting the clipboard from where it hangs on the frame and nodding as he looks through all of the results.
“This all looks good Daniel, I’ll bring in Minhyun, that’s his name right?”
He nods, Jinyoung leaves the door slightly open as he walks out. Minhyun comes in carrying a plastic bag that’s knotted at the top. He sets it down on the bench next to Daniel before pulling it open and laying all his clothes out.
There’s nothing tight-fitting, only more loose-fitting clothing. He smiles when he sees his favourite old black sweater and a pair of simple grey tracksuit pants and slides.
“The nurse’s said I had to run back to the apartment and get clothes that weren’t stained or tight, just due to infection risks.”
“Thank you Hwannie.”
Minhyun’s lips turn upwards slightly in a small smile that Daniel would be sure he missed if he hadn’t been looking as closely.
“Alright, you can probably change yourself Daniel, but I’ll be standing just outside, okay?”
“Okay.”
The moment he’s alone his mind fixates on the mark that he’d seen on Minhyun’s wrist. He tries to figure out just what it is, playing it over and over in his head. He doesn’t know why he’s obsessing over it so much because he knows that it could easily be a coincidence.
But there’s also no one else that Minhyun knows who has surgery other than him. There’s no one else who he’s this close to, they have other friends but they spend nearly every day together, they haven’t been without the other since kindergarten.
He pulls the tracksuit pants up, relishing in the comfort provided by the soft cotton. His wound is dressed rather largely, with massive bandages tied around his abdomen, he can see the shape of the stitches through it. He can feel them shifting as he moves his body but it isn’t painful.
It’s simply uncomfortable, nothing more or less. His sweatshirt doesn’t graze against it which is nice, considering he doesn’t want to ruin it. He picks up the plastic bag, scrunching it in his fist before making his way out of his room.
Minhyun’s standing on the wall next to the door, he’s on the phone.
“Both our families had a heart attack when I told them, I’ve been updating them all night.”
Daniel smiles at that, Minhyun is kind to him. He’s the best friend that one could ask for, he hopes that the mark that’s on Minhyun’s wrist is just something he’s never noticed.
He doesn’t think about it at all. He pushes it away because he doesn’t want to think about what he’s missed, and he doesn’t know if there’s anything to be missed. He doesn’t miss anything, he knows that.
He doesn’t miss suffocating, he doesn’t miss the sadness that accompanied him everywhere. He can barely remember any of it, but he remembers the loneliness.
He doesn’t think he could ever forget how lonely he felt trying to swallow everything down. It wasn’t something that he could stop though, nor could he fight it because the more he fought the more dangerous it became.
On the way home the car’s silent, there isn’t anything said between them but the silence isn’t uncomfortable either. There’s something light in the air as if relief has taken away from the heaviness.
It’s nice, it’s comfortable and Daniel even if he’s in pain, he’s still content. He’s content because he feels okay, he doesn’t remember what it had like to hurt at the expense of another, he doesn’t remember anything but being without someone.
He doesn’t need to worry about that anymore, and he knows that Minhyun is going to look after him properly. He’s going to help with his wound, he’ll help whenever Daniel needs as a friend should.
Soulmates don’t have to be romantic.
When they walk into their apartment, Daniel immediately goes to lie down on the couch. The doctor had told him not to begin washing the wound until that night, and when he does wash it to only do so lightly.
He doesn’t follow Minhyun into the kitchen as the other begins to get him a glass of water. His footsteps are soft against the carpeted floors and Daniel sends him a nod to say thank you.
They don’t talk much, both exhausted and Daniel finds that he begins to drift off with the television as a nice background noise. He’s slightly startled when he hears Minhyun cough a little. It’s not loud, but he feels something tickle his face.
He doesn’t think much of it, because it’s nothing.
“Sorry Daniel, go back to sleep, okay?”
Minhyun’s fingers are soft as they run through his hair.
Daniel’s asleep again, and as soon as he is Minhyun gets up from the couch carefully, trying to stay as quiet as possible so as to not disturb his friend.
He walks into the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind him. He immediately throws the flower petal that he’d coughed up into the toilet, he rolls the sleeve of his jumper up and he sees a fully formed chain of flowers adorning his rest.
He sees a date, lying just under them, etched into his skin.
031218
He feels his heart stop and his fingers begin to shake as he pulls his sleeve back down.
It’s too late for him.
They won’t get their happily ever after, they never will.