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Eight Times (A Bucky Barnes AU)

Summary:

Eight times Bucky Barnes said ‘I love you’ without saying ‘I love you’, and the one time he actually said it.

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“What if we didn’t have knee joints?” You said aloud. “Would we just walk like penguins, d’you think?”

Bucky let out an exasperated laugh, giving you a look. “Why would you even think something like that?”

You blinked and pursed your lips. “It was a random thought.”

He shook his head, continuing to polish his gun. “We’re hiding behind a bush, about to snipe a guy who’s killed over thirty people. It’s hardly the time to be thinking about penguins.”

You giggled a bit. “I guess so. I can’t help it. It just came to mind.”

Bucky looked up at you fondly, a huge grin on his face but his eyes were soft.

You’re really something, aren’t you?

…………….

The place was crowded, the people’s eyes were bright and admiring, and you followed them to where Steve and Bucky stood. You crossed your arms and smiled at them, proud of how far they’d come. Dealing with the massive culture shock of the 21st century, settling into a life where they could deal with themselves and help others as well. They were exactly the heroes that the country believed them to be.

Your eyes landed on Bucky, and you could see even from afar how he fidgeted under the attention of the people who came up to shake hands with him, wonder in their eyes. You walked over to him as he took his seat in the front row, slumping and trying to shrink in on himself. You wanted to yell at him to sit up straight and proud, and you also wanted to hug him. He still didn’t believe he deserved this recognition from the Governor, no matter how much you insisted. He was still learning to accept that he was worth more than he thought.

“You’re going to be okay, Buck.” You said when you caught his eye, patting his shoulder. “Just breathe.”

Bucky’s eyes pleaded with yours, looking panicked. “Sit next to me?

You nodded slightly, smiling. You couldn’t say no to him. You could never say no to him.

………………

“Thanks for coming with me.” Bucky spoke. “It was getting very suffocating back there.”

You smiled at him and nudged him in acknowledgement. “Don’t worry about it. You needed fresh air, anyway. You were cooped up in there for too long.”

Bucky smiled, nodding. “Yeah.” He breathed in the cool air of Central Park before continuing. “It was becoming a little too much. I had to get away from those people for a little bit.”

You laughed at nudged him again. “I’m one of those people too, you know.” You teased.

Bucky didn’t laugh however, he just gave you a soft smile.

“No. You’re not like them. You’re different. You’re my favorite person.”

You couldn’t help your smile at that, and you couldn’t help the giddy feeling inside you. You hadn’t felt this light in forever. You loved it.

…………….

“I hate this mission.” You managed to say between gritted teeth, trying to stop your body from shaking like a leaf. You heard Bucky snort and shuffle around, before he appeared in your vision. He had a teasing smile on his face that you wanted to wipe off.

“Welcome to Siberia, doll.” He said, giving you a cheeky grin.

“Fucker.” You retorted, making him laugh. He sat down on the floor of the cabin, opening his arms and gesturing at you to come closer. You grumbled that you had to move, but sighed when you fell into his arms, feeling his warmth slowly encircle you. You didn’t even want to question why he wasn’t freezing cold. You just accepted it as your good fortune and fell into a peaceful slumber.

The next morning was very different from your previous one. You woke up toasty and warm, a heavy weight pressed to your side. You knew it was Bucky, and by the way he stirred and his breaths became irregular, you knew he was awake. So you tried to get up, but he didn’t let you budge. You huffed.

“Bucky. Get off.”

He groaned. “No.”

You laughed. “Stop being a baby. We have to get up.”

Bucky didn’t move. In fact, he hugged you tighter. “You’re warm.”

You couldn’t help but grin and slump in his arms, giving up your effort. Maybe you could waste ten more minutes if it was going to be in Bucky’s arms.

……………….

“Hmmmm, what else?” Bucky pursed his lips, trying to think of what more he could tell you. “Times weren’t exactly the best, with the Depression and all. But I really loved the evenings because we’d all cluster around a radio and listen to the game. It was the best time of the week. It was the only time I would be happy.”

You smiled sadly at him, taking in his profile where the setting sun contoured it. You watched the glint in his eyes, reaching forward to take his hand and squeeze it. That made him turn to you and smile back.

“I’m glad you found something that could take your mind off how terrible things were.” You said.

Bucky continued looking at you, his expression showcasing the peace he felt.

“I have a feeling there would have been a lot of happy moments if you were there.” He said. “I wish I’d known you sooner.

You couldn’t help your grin, feeling your cheeks burn hot. You leaned forward to pull Bucky into a hug, burying your face in his neck. He immediately hugged you back.

You didn’t know how long you two stayed there, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

………………

What a crappy week.

For one thing, the mission was a disaster. Your intel had been wrong, the bad guy got away, and your team had done thousands of dollars worth of collateral damage. For another, you were out in the middle of nowhere, so it meant no water, no showers, and no good first aid. By the time the quinjet landed in the compound, you were tired, bruised, and covered in dirt.

You limped towards the doors, the scowl on your face so deadly you knew no one would dare come anywhere near you. Well, except one person. And you didn’t really mind him.

Bucky wrapped you up in a hug the minute you opened the door, not caring about blood and dirt getting on his own clothes. You winced at the contact with your injuries, but sighed when his warm body connected with yours, going pliant in his arms.

I missed you so much.” He mumbled, making you smile. You didn’t really give a fuck about the mission at that point. It was all worth it if you were going to come home to this.

…………………..

The knock on your door made you look up, smiling when Bucky popped his head in.

“Hey Buck.” You greeted. “Come on in.”

Bucky smiled and lumbered inside, closing the door behind him. He held a hand behind his back, making you raise an eyebrow.

“What you got back there?” You asked.

Bucky smiled, and you could see the nervousness behind it. “Something for you.”

You raised an eyebrow. “For me? What is it?”

Bucky shuffled closer to where you sat on the bed, holding his hand out. It was a cassette.

“What’s this?” You took it hesitantly, seeing ‘Bucky’ written on it in loopy handwriting.

“A mixtape.” He replied. “I made it for you.”

You nearly shed a tear right then, staring at Bucky in shock. He’d made you a mixtape?

“For me?”

Bucky nodded. “It’s all the songs I’ve listened to that I thought you’d like. Which, I think that’s pretty stupid. I should have just given you a list or something-”

“No no.” You interrupted his rambling, standing up. You knew cassettes weren’t really a thing anymore. But your heart was still squeezing at the gesture. You smiled widely and hugged him, feeling him tense for a second before he hugged back.

“It’s amazing Buck. I love it already. Thank you.”

His resulting grin wiped all your doubts away.

……………………

“I really don’t understand why you have to drive.” Bucky frowned. “I’m sure you could have just taken the quinjet.”

You giggled and slammed the trunk shut, walking over to where Bucky stood, his arms crossed.

“My grandparents live with my parents. If they see me walking out of a huge flying object that just landed it the backyard, they’d both have heart attacks.”

Bucky sighed. “Will they?”

You grinned. “You’d know about that, wouldn’t you old man?”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but you saw the corners of his lips twitch. “Haha. Funny.”

You laughed and pushed yourself to your tippy toes, kissing his cheek. “I’ll be fine. It’s a long drive, but so what? I haven’t driven in a while.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?” He said, raising an eyebrow.

You pursed your lips. “Well, now that I think about it, no.”

Bucky sighed. “Just, call me when you get there, okay?”

You nodded and hugged him again before walking over to the car. Bucky didn’t move until your car had completely vanished from his view.

………………….

You hummed along with the music, feet carrying you along with the melody. You eventually opened your mouth to start singing the words when you couldn’t control yourself any longer. You heard a snort and you looked in front of you at Bucky’s huge grin.

“Oh, please don’t mind me.” He said, trying to control his laughter. “I’ll just be here… dancing with you. Please continue.”

You giggled a bit. “Sorry. I love this song. I just-” You huffed when he twirled you, cutting your sentence short. You gave him a deadpan look when you two started swaying again.

“That’s the fourth time you’ve done that to cut me off.” You said.

“I know.” He grinned, making you sigh and him laugh. He let go of your hand, placing both of his on your waist and pulling you closer.

“I like this.” He said, breath tickling your ear and making you shiver. “I wish Tony threw more parties like these instead of the crazy ones where everyone but me and Steve get piss drunk.”

You laughed, arms wrapping around his neck. “You said you loved those parties.”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah. Because you get drunk and almost always do something hilariously embarrassing.”

You pulled back and lightly slapped his shoulder as he laughed. It eventually died and gave way to a little smile, his eyes darting between yours.

“What?” You said, flushing at how softly and fondly he looked at you.

I love you, Y/N.” He said. “I haven’t said it yet. Because I was afraid. And I didn’t know how.”

You smiled, leaning your forehead against his. “You’ve already said it, Buck. A million times and in a million different ways.”

His smile was huge, and his eyes were bright as you moved on the dance floor. Later in the night, you discovered that his lips were soft, and his hands were gentle as they moved over your body.

He said ‘I love you’ hundreds of times that night.