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He hasn't slept for two days. The tears were streaming from his eyes all the way down to his neck. Running hot and non-stopping. As he ducked his head with shame, the teardrops fell on his thighs. How could he not support his brothers? How could he give up his dream, doubt on their potential? Their will? How could Hoseok leave them like that?
When he heard footsteps, he wiped his tears away and kicked his packed bags under the bed. He got to the toilet minutes before the boys would've gotten to him. He opened the faucet, letting the drops of water refresh his distressed face. He washed his sorrow away and calmed himself down. "You are leaving tonight", he thought.
He left the bathroom and went back to his bed, curling into a ball as soon as he touched the sheets. He said he'd have the day off since the boys noticed his weird behavior weeks ago and he didn't want to answer questions anymore. He was leaving today anyway. The others had just come back from practice to have a quick break, soon enough he would be alone again.
Hoseok played with his own hair as he tried to comfort himself and not let his flow of tears come out. Sometimes you just need a hug, you know? And sometimes it's from a very special one. Hobi was trying to be his sunshiny self around the others, although he was failing at it, he didn't let himself ask for comfort. Because alongside comfort, comes questions. And if he ever dared to explain his reasons to those boys, it would shatter his heart into tiny pieces. It was too much. Too rough. The pressure his parents were putting him under, the fear of failing, and... His feelings. He wanted it all gone. As he played with his hair he let his imagination take over, his eyelids were heavy. He massaged his scalp thinking about how much he wants to be held by... No one! He wants to be held by no one at all. Those thoughts were not allowed. So he got up, changed his clothes, and when he heard the front door click, he got out of the room.
Although avoiding the boys wasn't something Hobi enjoyed, he couldn't bare their troubled expressions and hesitant touches.
There was nothing in the fridge other than banana milk and ketchup. Seeing that, Hobi decided to get back to his bed once again and wait for the moon to rise.
He was almost there when the bathroom door opened to reveal a Min Yoongi. "What are you doing?" Hoseok said, surprised by finding the other boy there. "I hurt my foot dancing this morning, Namjoon made me take the day off, and since you are home too I thought it wouldn't be that bad", Yoongi replied. "Huh, you did?", Hobi asked, a bit timid "Yeah... So, what do you wanna do?" He asked the other trainee "I was planning on staying in bed and doing nothing at all, all day long" Yoongi smirked "How is your foot?", Hobi said, looking down to the hanging foot "When I walk it hurts but it's nothing, it will be healed by tomorrow". Tomorrow, Hoseok thought. "Hey" Yoongi catches his attention again "Staying in bed sounds right".
Hobi helped his bandmate to walk to his bed, which was right in front of Hoseok's bed. Yoongi just sat down and kept scrolling through his phone, but Hoseok could feel his gaze hit him every now and then. He just wanted to cry. Is that asking too much? Crying alone in the complete pitch dark without anyone staring at him.
"Hobi" Yoongi called, snapping him back "What are you doing?", Yoongi was curious "I don't know, I'm just fidgeting I guess", Hobi played with his knuckles on his thighs "Wanna talk?" Yoongi suggested, getting on the tip of his bed, crossing his legs "Sure, about what?", Hoseok was getting nervous, he started rubbing his sweaty palms on his pants, helplessly. "One buck for your thoughts", Yoongi offered, trying to get to the boy "My thoughts?" He stuttered "There's nothing there", The older boy frowned. "What do you mean there's nothing there? Of course, there is. Tell me what's on your mind", Hoseok took a deep breath. "Well, tell me what's on yours".
"My mind? I've been just worried about you. You seem distracted a lot these weeks. Kinda aloof" That was when Hoseok regretted being a brat. "Me? No, I'm fine.", Yoongi just hummed something inaudible and let Hoseok slip.
Two hours later, Yoongi seemed to be tired of going through his phone and aimlessly rambling, so he asked Hoseok to come to join him on his bed. Hoseok knew he'd fall apart the second someone put a hand on him, especially if it's Yoongi. But refusing would be awkward, and he needed to kill as much time as he could. Therefore a little dizzy from getting up too fast, Hobi stumbles until he gets into Yoongi's bed.
Hoseok laid down on the space Yoongi made for him, trying to contain his body. That didn't last long since Yoongi pulled him into a tight hug. Hobi was trying to put himself together and conceal, but it wasn't easy. Of all the hugs in the world, it had to be Yoongi's. He was honestly so tired. He couldn't stop thinking about all this mess. He just closed his eyes and let himself be embraced into his hyung's warmth. Hobi was overwhelmed from all the care his special one was giving him. It was hard not to let it all out. They spent minutes like that, Yoongi cuddling Hoseok and drawing circles on his back.
"Hobi?" When Yoongi didn't get an answer, he looked at his sunshine's face, worried. He didn't like to see him like that. Hoseok was always so strong and happy. He lifted everyone's mood when he entered the room, especially Yoongi's. He wondered what happened for him to have such a twist. Laying down like this with him is always so significant for Yoongi.
At first, when Hobi got in the dorms, Yoongi never thought the younger would have such a softening effect on him. They got to know each other, little by little. Taking care of each other and always having each other’s back. Yoongi knew a lot about Hobi by now, and vice versa. He remembers that Christmas Eve his best friend was supposed to spend alone in the dorms. When Yoongi knew about that, he couldn’t stop thinking about how sad Hoseok must’ve been. So he canceled his plans and got back to the dorms. They bought chicken and pork and joked around until midnight. Then something peculiar happened. Hoseok kissed him goodnight, but not in the most recommended spot. Yoongi thought about it for days, until he brushed it off and tried to forget about it.
When Hobi woke up, Yoongi pretended he wasn't staring at him as if he was stargazing. "Good morning", Hoseok rubbed his eyes, and at that moment Yoongi almost coos "Good morning" Hoseok tried to get out of Yoongi's touch, failing. "Haven't you been sleeping well at night?", "I have, I'm just tired, hyung. Don't worry." Yoongi pouted at his response.
Hoseok tried to release himself from Yoongi's grip once again, falling off the bed. "You dork! That's what you deserve. Who told you to stop cuddling me, huh?" Yoongi said, laughing. "Stop laughing at me! I hit my hand!", Yoongi murmurs "Poor baby hit his hand?" He got out of the bed and joined him on the floor. When Hoseok heard 'baby' his eyes lit up and he couldn't stop smiling shyly. "That's how I want to see you all the time, Hobi. Smiling." Yoongi said, tugging on his shirt. "Now do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Yoongi said, rolling his body in the direction of Hobi's bed. "There's nothing wrong, hyung let's go-", "What is this bag under your bed?"
Hoseok widened his eyes, "Nothing, it's nothing". He tried to grab the bag from the older's hands but it was too late. Yoongi had already opened it, shocked. "What is this?" Hoseok's eyes got watery. This was everything he didn't need.
"Hoseok, what is this?" Yoongi said, his voice embargoed. "I'm sorry" He sat on Yoongi's bed, "What are you sorry for?", Thick teardrops were falling from both boys' eyes. "I'm sorry for being a coward", He said, defeated "What? you are not a coward. What were you planning to do? Leave?" Yoongi struggled a bit as he got up from the floor, sitting side to side with Hoseok, "Yeah", Hoseok shifted on the bed trying to distance himself from Yoongi "Why?", Yoongi asked, "I didn't know what to do" He confessed. "Do you want to vent?" Yoongi had stopped crying by now, trying to calm down for the sake of the other boy. Hobi just nodded.
"Well," Hoseok started "You know how I've been sticking to the studio until dawn, and dancing until I'm sore... I've been overworking myself, and I know that. And I know that's not good for me." Yoongi nodded, encouraging him "And my parents have been calling, asking about the debut and stuff, and I started doubting myself" Hoseok sobbed, Yoongi took his hand, forcing him to be closer "That's why I started overworking myself too, I thought if I practiced enough I'd be better, but" Yoongi wiped a falling tear of Hoseok's cheek with his thumb "I just hurt myself and bruised my soul. Then I thought I should give up." He sobbed, "I don't know if I thought this through, I just want to stop hurting, hyung. I am so sorry".
Yoongi waited for a while, then made some space between them and grabbed both of his hands. "Are you done, sweetheart?" And Hoseok was ready to tell him "I'm not." Hoseok gathered all his bravery to open his mouth again. "It might sound silly, but I might be in love with someone, I am. And I don't know how to deal with it." Yoongi's heart withered a bit when he heard that, "Okay, is that all?", Hobi nodded. Now that he had calmed down, the tears had stopped falling but he still gripped the other's hand as if his life depended on it. It was so good to know there's someone there for him. He truly loved Yoongi. If Yoongi had had another reaction Hoseok would have a mental breakdown right there. He was always so caring and reassuring.
"Okay. Look, you are an amazing dancer, an amazing rapper, and an incredible human being" Yoongi reassured him, making eye contact. "You shouldn't doubt yourself. Ever. Just take a deep breath and you can do it. I'll be here when you need help, always." He looked down, then up again, "About the pressure, you should try not to think about that much. Maybe tell your parents they are putting you under too much pressure? Or you could just stop answering the phone" They laughed. "But seriously, don't overwork yourself. I love you, ok? If you need a friend to take care of you, I am here- Hobi, are you crying?", Yoongi was concerned. "I'm sorry I'm just flustered. Thank you. I love you too." He clung onto his hyung, getting into his lap and hugging him. "You don't need to be sorry, baby. Oh, and about your loved one, is it someone I know?", Yoongi returned the hug, running fingers up and down the younger boy's spine and resting his forehead on Hoseok's shoulder. On the other hand, Hoseok had chills when he heard the pet name 'baby' again. "Yeah" He confessed, "You should tell them before we debut, then. You know, no dating and stuff.", Yoongi advised him. "It is you, hyung", "What is me?", Hobi straightened himself to look in the other's eyes "You are my loved one", he said, confident. If everything is falling apart, at least he tried.
"Oh" Yoongi sighed "Is it a bad thing, hyung?", "No" He slid a hand under Hobi's shirt, tracing his cold, nervous fingers until they found its way, holding his waist. Hoseok shivered. "You are my loved one too" Yoongi reciprocated "Is it a bad thing?", "It's not". That said, Hoseok got back to the hug, letting himself relax under Yoongi's touch.
Hoseok was melting. As Yoongi kissed his hands, he'd control himself not to whine. Yoongi's eyes were wet. He felt stunned. Hoseok kissed the top of Yoongi's head and both his cheeks. Yoongi started making out with Hoseok's neck.
All the suppressed feelings were pouring. They locked eyes in the silent room. Every hesitant but precise touch was appreciated as the two boys tangled and untangled themselves. After a while, Yoongi needed answers. "Are you still leaving?" Yoongi whispered as if something might break. "I don't know", Hobi said, apologetic "Please, don't leave me." Yoongi said, almost desperately "I won't".