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For a long time sunshine meant loneliness.
Sunset rays peeking through pristine white curtains as you looked on to the street. Legs close to your chest as your heart prayed to the fading sky for the golden hour to be over. Daylight upsetted you.
Because you were never more alone than you were during daylight hours. You would wait not so patiently by the window. Jumping from sofa to sofa from time to time, amusing yourself with a game of the floor is lava! Counting the tiles on the floor, making up ridiculous stories inside your head, all of this to forget for a moment the deafining silence of your home. The expectant pause that clung to your lungs, subtle anxiety, for the hour your mom would finally arrive home from work.
You were a good girl and did your homework and bathed in time. Anything to see a smile spread in your mother’s weary features when she came back. If she was in a good enough mood the both of you would bake something delicious together and watch some tv after. Happiness was the content peacefulness of chilly nights cuddling your mom, the distant humming of crickets, the soft glow of the tv screen on your face. Not angry, annoying, hot rays of sunlight.
You hated yellow for a long time and judged harshly anyone who told you it was their favourite color. What a bright, annoying color, you thought dismissively.
And so it was a hot August day, when a grinning boy dressed in yellow from head to toe knocked on your door.
“Hello? ” He rapped three times. “Is anyone there?”
Your heart leapt to your throat. You were startled awake from where you had been dozing off on the sofa. Your eyes fluttered open in confusion as your brain ran through possible scenarios of kidnapping. Who was out there?
The rapping continued a couple more times.
“Hellooo… anybody?” A boy’s voice rung clear through the window.
You tried to ignore the thrill of excitement as your eyes peeked through the curtains and identified the figure of a young boy standing on your porch. He looked around 9 years old like you, and so your curiosity intensified.
You watched his chest rise and fall as he turned on his heels to return from wherever he had come from.
“W-wait!”
His head turned towards the source of the sound, his eyes wide in surprise. The boy squinted for a couple of seconds, struggling to identify your figure behind the curtains as you only peeked your eyes and nose. You pushed away the curtains as he inched closer and watched in silent delight as his face lit up like fireworks at the confirmation that yes, you were behind the curtains the whole time.
His demeanor changed in a second from contained curiosity to enthusiastic puppy as he waved a hand at you and flashed a boxy grin.
“Hi, nice to meet you! My name’s Taehyung. I’m your new neighbour, do you want to come out and play?”
You weren’t quite sure if it was all the yellow he was wearing, the glare of the sun, or the bright grin on his face, but the sight was an eyesore for sure.
“Umm… I don’t know if that’s a good idea ” you frowned “, it’s really hot outside.”
“Aww, come on! You can come to my place and play inside if you want. ” He insisted, boxy smile still in place.
“I don’t think so, I don’t know you.” You hid again, behind the curtains.
“That’s why I’m here for!” He shrugged, a chuckle leaving his lips.
And that was the beginning of the both of you. You could forget about loneliness when he was by your side. He burned through your icy exterior with the warmth of a thousand suns.
Everything about him was bright and warm, from the curve of his smile to his hand enveloping yours. And then both of you were teens when…
“What is your favorite flower?” He had asked one day. You were enjoying some popsicles on your porch.
“I don’t know… ” You hummed in contemplation. His big eyes focused on you as he sucked on his strawberry lemonade popsicle.
“Come on, tell me!” Taehyung whined, clinging to your arm. You swatted him away giggling.
“I don’t think I have a preference Tae. All flowers are pretty, I think.” You shrugged dismissively, licking your watermelon icy treat.
“Right… ” He squinted, not quite buying it. “Anyways wait for me here. I’ll be back in a sec.” He yelled running off into his house.
“Sure.” You answered, though you knew he hadn’t heard you. He had already disappeared inside the wooden house, probably to pee.
That left you alone to your own devices, dealing with the unsettling peace and quiet of the neighboorhood. Your popsicle was melting and its sticky sweet substance stained your fingers. You couldn’t come to care as you stared into the setting sun before you. The way soft pinks, oranges and yellows merged together in the sky made your heart clench uncomfortably.
Taehyung’s friendship was like a bandaid carefully put over a gaping wound of loneliness. Even now, years away from that afternoon when the sunchild had been introduced into your life, there was something about the sunset that unsettled you. Something sad. You never wanted to be alone again at sunset. You never wanted things to go back as they were before you met Taehyung. It was scary.
You felt Taehyung sneak behind you and then the lights went off.
“Wha— Taehyung what are you doing?”
“Ta-da!” Taehyung dropped his hand from your line of vision and you were surprised to find a bouquet of flowers on your lap.
“And these?” You pointed at the yellow bouquet of sunflowers.
“For you!” He smiled, and your insides turned and fluttered uncomfortably at the sight. He was so bright, brighter than the sun itself.
“But it’s not my birthday?”
“My mom and I went to my Grandma’s farm yesterday and her neighboor had lots of these! She gave us some, said someone special should enjoy them.” He averted his gaze to the wooden floor, blushing, a soft smile on his features. Your heart bursted and leapt in your ribcage.
“Well, thank you, this is so sweet.” You smiled, blushing.
“I’m glad you liked them. They remind me of you.” He confessed, his big brown eyes soft and warm.
“Of me? But I don’t like yellow, remember?” You raised a brow.
“You say that, but I always catch you staring at yellow things: the sunset, flowers… me.” Taehyung smirked, raising his eyebrows in an annoying oh-so-confidently and matter-of-factly manner that you had no choice but to outright deny it (even if it was true).
“You wish!” You bursted blushing furiously as you sprung up from your place, bouquet held tightly in hand. Taehyung simply chuckled at you, his eyes forming crescent moons and his mouth curving into his adorable boxy smile.
“No but for real Y/N, let’s always be together yeah? Forever.” He pleaded, making an adorable puppy face. And you couldn’t help but stare as you noticed how the remaining rays of sunlight complimented his chocolate eyes, lighted specks of molten gold in them. It made an unknown feeling spread across your chest as your heartbeat speeded to a frenzy. You basked in the sensation, feeling as though liquid sunlight filled you to the brim with warmth.
“Promise?” You extended your pinky.
“Promise.” He intertwined your fingers.