Chapter Text
Jester sits curled into the chair in her quarters on the Squall Eater, watching a candle burn down on the desk in front of her.
Beau snores from her bed, a line of drool dripping from her mouth. Jester considers sketching that down really quick, but her hand pauses before her pen can hit the notebook. She isn’t sure she wants to remember today. Beau snores again, almost like clockwork, and Jester’s shoulders relax marginally. Finally, she gets the courage to put pen to paper.
She draws all her friends floating down into the ocean with the cannonballs. She spends a little bit longer than she needs to sketching the whale. Finally, the sketches come easily. She sketches the Tide’s Breath under the water, the box with the claw marks, the Merrow, Nott trying to drink under water, the cave, the coins-
Finally her hands stop, fingers shaking as she holds them over the page. She isn’t happy about what comes next, but the Traveler needs to know what she’s seen, in case he wasn’t able to be there with her. She draws the kelp, with all the bodies trapped in it, she draws the horrible face of Dashilla, she draws the altar-
She stops then, dropping the pen. Jester isn’t sure what happened next, her fingers had been buried in silt and mud and bones, trying to pull a few coins from the ground. The least Dashilla could’ve given them actually, and when she looked up, she saw the runes in the walls getting a brighter red. She whirled around in time to see Caleb and Fjord, both hands bleeding openly onto the altar, the water around them clouded with their blood.
There had been a wild look in Fjord’s eyes, like he’s toeing the line of everything he’s ever wanted, and maybe he is, maybe this is part of his journey, but he looks wrong . She’s never seen him look like that, not really.
There had been nothing in Caleb’s eyes, a coldness that rivaled the waters around them. Jester has seen him do a lot of weird stuff, but something about this had seemed very, very wrong. Even now, she can’t bring herself to draw their eyes, or their act. It’s a weird feeling for her, to even think about keeping something from the Traveler. She knows she can’t hide it from him anyways, he was probably there, he probably saw...it’s her that doesn’t want to remember it.
Between Beau’s next couple snores, there’s a soft knock at her door. She considers ignoring it, but today has been too crazy not to. She opens the door a crack, and she sees Caleb standing there, not really making eye contact. “Are you okay, Caleb?”
Caleb nods, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was uh, wondering if I could talk to you.”
Jester steps out from her room, closing the door behind her. She tries to keep her regular smile on her face, but her tail is swishing anxiously, and she’s sure Caleb notices. He takes a deep breath, finally looking her in the face. “I...want to apologize for that...in the lair…”
“What was that, in the lair?” Jester whispers, staring at Caleb until he finally meets her eyes. When he finally gathers the courage to meet her eyes, she sees he’s back, present again, the strange coldness is gone.
“Curiosity, I suppose.”
“Really? You already sort of knew what it did. And you knew it belonged to Dashilla. So why even mess with it?” Jester is a little surprised at how hostile her tone is, and it seems Caleb is too, but he doesn’t stop her, he just waits for her to finish. She doesn’t. “What if something bad had happened?! What if something worse had happened! What if Fjord hadn’t suggested you stop?! What if it had hurt you guys?! What if it had hurt Yasha! Or-” She doesn’t say or me , but Caleb winces, even if it’s only slightly, and Jester lowers her eyes now. “We had barely fought her off, Caleb...if Fjord had died...the water breathing would’ve stopped.”
Caleb takes a breath, and she watches his fingers pick at the scab on his palm from where he had cut himself. Jester had done what she could in the moment, but she didn’t have the energy to heal them fully at the time. Jester finally grabs his hands and whispers a few lines in infernal, the soft green glow of the Traveler’s magic stitching his wound back together. Caleb cracks a smile then, giving her hand a soft squeeze before he lets it go. “You are right, of course. I hadn’t considered any of that. I’m sorry for putting you in any sort of danger.”
“Caleb,” Jester starts, waiting for him to look at her. “Can I ask you what it is you want?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, Fjord just wanted to know where his powers came from, and Beau is like, a super spy maybe, and I guess I don’t really know what Yasha wants, and Caduceus wants to save his home, and I’m on the road because I can’t go home and Nott wants what you want, but what is it that you want? I guess...I guess I thought I had you figured out a little bit, but now I’m not so sure I do.”
Caleb almost looks shocked , but he reels in his emotions, and he keeps his face straight. He goes to pick at a scab that isn’t there anymore, and Jester just waits. “I...I don’t want to be who I was. I’m trying to be better than what I was...and I don’t know how. So I’m just...trying to figure that out. You’ve all helped...immensely, and I’m sorry for possibly taking advantage of that kindness. I’m also sorry if I hurt your feelings today, I saw the way you looked at us, at me, and I’m...sorry if I...if I scared you.”
Jester thinks about that for a few moments, and Caleb just nods, and tries to walk away, like he always does when things get a little too real , for him, and Jester reaches out before he can, grabbing his hand once again. His palm is healed now, but she sees the dried blood on his bandages, and his permanently blackened fingertips from his fire magic. He tenses, looking at her like he’s a trapped animal, like she’s caught him in a trap, but she doesn’t let go.
“You’re good, Caleb. I’ve seen you do good things, and I’ve seen you help people and make jokes and play pranks and drink and laugh and dance. I don’t know what you’re trying to be better than, but I think the best way to do that is to just be better. You know what’s smart, and you know what might not be smart. I want you to be careful okay. Sometimes, if you wait to long to ask for help, I can’t heal you. Okay?”
Caleb’s eyes change again, just for a moment, maybe they’re a little softer, or maybe they’re a little harder, it happens so fast she can’t really get a handle on it. Caleb smiles, it’s small like it always is, but she wants to believe it’s genuine. She has no reason to believe it isn’t genuine, but now it all feels different, and Jester is reminded how little she actually knows about people the people around her.
Caleb lets her hand go, but he pauses a moment before he does. “You’ll get to go home Jester, I promise we’ll get you there.”
“If you want me to believe you, I want you to stop doing stupid shit.” She smiles at him, her tail finally relaxing next to her. “It’s a fair trade, ja ?”
Caleb rolls his eyes before heading back to down the hall to his and Nott’s room. “ Ja , fair enough.”
Jester sneaks back into her room, Beau’s snoring still going strong and she sits back down at her desk, picking up her pen. Quickly, before her candle snuffs out, she sketches a hand with blackened fingers and a new scar on it’s palm.