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Everyone was finally seated at the table, drinks were served and food placed around to be passed, backups at the ready. Everyone was chatting until Tony stood up from his seat at the end opposite from Steve.
“Alright, people we may want to start with a prayer cause I heard one of our resident assassins cooked the meal.” He clapped his hands.
Sam chuckles and offered up, “It’s okay (Y/N) helped and I watched as we should be good.”
“Well, if I die it’s on you.” He sits down again.
With that dishes are pulled from the center and are passed around. There is a quiet chatter and praise from the smells. When the group begins to eat there is another round of praise. You are sitting next to Bucky and Wanda, for once you don’t feel a blush gracing your face. You had spent so much time talking with him you slipped back into the conversation from earlier.
Wanda nudges you gently, “Thank you for this fabulous meal it is perfect like usual.”
You nod but lean back to let Bucky into the conversation. “Well it wasn’t all me I had help and he did most of the work.”
He shakes his head denying that statement. “Hardly, I just followed your instructions. It was all you, do..” He cut himself realizing what he was about to say.
You cock your head trying to figure out what he was going to say. “Either way, thank you both for making the meal this evening it is delightful.” Bucky nods once again before going back to his food.
Steve strikes up a conversation with Bucky. “So did you learn anything from cooking with (Y/N)?”
Bucky nods, he had learned a lot especially little tricks that made things easier when cooking. He had found it mesmerizing the way you controlled the kitchen and the ingredients, seemingly making them bend to your will to create the perfect dish.
“I did learn some things, but mostly that I will never be as good a cook as (Y/N), she is a force to be reconned with. Especially with a knife, right training she could be better than most agents, with the knife control she possesses.” The group nods their heads and you see the wheels turning actually taking the statement seriously.
“Oh no, no whatever you people are thinking the answer is no.” You wave your hands to clear that idea away, shaking your head as well. “Nope, double nope.”
“Oh come on it’s not a bad idea,” Natasha says leaning to the side looking at you. “I mean you do live here what if something happened. You need to be able to protect yourself.”
“That’s what you people are for. That is one reason I moved here. I mean I don’t just keep you guy around for your looks. I mean you are here solely to protect me. Didn’t you get the memo.” You try to joke hopefully making them shift the conversation.
“Yeah well, what happens if we are all gone?” Sam says.
“That is why I have attack cats.” The group just looks at you, not sure if they should be laughing or not. “Yeah that’s right I have attack cats kind of like ninja cats. They will claw your eyes out.”
“I’m just going to ignore that though Skipper could probably just sit on someone and immobilize them,” Tony says actually thinking about it. “Regardless, this is a good idea, we should train you in self-defense.”
“Here let me say this again maybe a little slower though because it can be a hard word to understand. NNNNOOOOOOOO!” A scowl crosses your face that says that you are done talking about this. You turn to Bucky again to find a confused look on his face. “So would you like to do this again?”
It takes him a moment to respond before he nods his head. “If that is all I’ll let you digest my answer I’m going to call it an early night.” You get up and take your plate to the kitchen. With that, you head to your room.
You felt stupid letting your emotions carry you like that. It wasn’t that it was a terrible idea it was more the things that came with that idea. With going to the gym came the questions and comments on how you could do so much better. ‘Why don’t you go on a diet?’ ‘You shouldn’t eat that it does nothing good for you.’ Not to mention the outfits you had to wear. It was either the skin-tight leggings that showed off every bump and roll or the sweatpants and baggy shirts that made you look even bigger. You were a have to lose weight before you go to the gym kind of person. Worse yet the thought of Bucky seeing you in said outfits; there were no-win scenarios for you.
The next day at work went as expected, you were a little sluggish after last night. You weren’t quite sure how to handle the situation from last night. You were trapped in your own thoughts when Richard strolled up to your counter. He leaned over and paused not getting his usual greeting from you. He took his hand and waved it in front of you, attempting to get your attention. You finally blink and make eye contact with him.
“Hey, there you are sweet thing. Something bothering you?” The concern evident in his tone.
“No.. yeah,” you shake your head in an attempt to clear it. “Yeah, I’m just not sure how to handle it.” You let go of a giant sigh.
“What’s the issue? Maybe we can figure it out together.”
You take a deep breath. “So last night Bucky and I made dinner.” He quirks an eyebrow at you. “No not what you think he wanted to learn how to cook.” Richard’s eyebrow lifts higher before he sighs and shakes his head at you letting go of whatever he was about to say. “So we made dinner and we are all sitting down and Bucky comments that I have great knife skills. Well, apparently their minds all connect this to that I need to start taking self-defense classes because in a building full of agents there could be a moment where there is no one here.” You look at Richard and see the exact same look the others had, that oh-that’s-a-good-idea look. You throw up your hands. “No, not you too. I am not taking lessons. This is my issue now I’m reacting the same way I did last night and I know I’m overreacting but still, I do have a say on what I will and will not do.” He didn’t seem to be letting the idea go either. “Oh please don’t do this to me can’t one of you respect my wishes. I would hate to have to find another place to work.”
That seems to shake him into focus. He looks at you seeing a distressed woman that very well could leave just because of not wanting to go to the gym. He looks around seeing that the cafeteria was mostly empty. Looking toward the grill guy signaling to watch your station. He drags you over to a table in the back. Sitting you down facing the wall so you wouldn’t get distracted.
“Alright, so tell me why you don’t want to go to take lessons.” He grabs your hand that is twisting in your other hand, halting all movement.
“Its everything I mean, I already work like 12 hours days, not that I hate it but still. Then I would have to find time to do that, then go through my days sore and tired. Plus I have to work out with the Avengers. I don’t think that some people are mere mortals and can’t keep up with them.” you know you’re rambling but you can’t seem to stop. “Then I’d have to find things to wear, which I don’t own a lot of.”
Richard squeezes your hand making you stop and look at him. “Hey, I get it going back to working out especially after a long while can be rather difficult and so is finding the time.” He begins to rub your hand. “You do have a point I think they do forget that not all of us are as strong as them. What I am hearing from you though is that you have no real reason to not do this. So what I want to know is why you are so scared of doing this.”
“I told you…” You protest.
“No, what you did was give me trivial things that can be fixed easily.” He denies. You look around trying to find a way out. Maybe there was a line that you could help with. Richard snaps his fingers drawing you back to him. “Everything is good there, stop trying to avoid the situation. You complain, but I can’t help you until you tell me what is really going on?”
You shift your eyes around before finally giving in. “I just…. I’m the kind of person that needs to lose weight before they go to the gym. Mostly I’m scared of doing it. It’s the looks and the “advise” that everyone throws me. I mean you see me I’m not exactly small, add that to the gym and I look like a whale in spandex. Not a picture most want to see. I get comments while I’m wearing my uniform, I don’t even want to imagine while wearing gym clothes.” Looking down at the table, you are too embarrassed to make eye contact with him. It’s not that he would say anything mean or even try to hurt your feelings it’s more that you were so weak in this area. “I don’t expect you to fully understand but things are always different when you are big. There seems to be a double standard for people like me. I try to eat a cookie and watch a movie, and it’s ‘you should cut cookies out of your diet that will help with the weight’ but if a thin person does it it’s ‘man that cookie looks good, you deserve to relax and a treat’. I go to the gym and I get looks like maybe if you had tried harder before you wouldn’t have to be here looking like that. It’s hard to stay motivated when you’re a walking what-not-to-do poster. So I don’t try, not anymore.” The shame of admitting that out loud coursed through you. All you really wanted to do was run away and maybe go die in a corner for being so petty and self-centered.
Feeling fingers under your chin you allow them to move your head to meet Richard’s gaze. He had tears in his eyes, not at all what you were expecting. The hand that was previously rubbing yours was now holding it firmly, and you were gripping it back just as fiercely. He pulled you into him wrapping you up in his arms as you felt a few tears drop. You clung to him, taking all the strength that he offered.
“It’s okay to feel this way. It doesn’t make you any weaker. Emotion is a good thing.” He rubs your back hoping to sooth your cries. “You’re right I don’t understand how that feels, I have been blessed with this gorgeousness my whole life.” He preens a bit at this causing you to chuckle and pull away.
You wipe the few tears left on your cheeks. “Yes, I’m sure you were.”
“There she is, I’m so sorry that you were ever made to feel this way, you are perfect the way you are and don’t you ever change for anyone you got that. I do think though that the lessons are a good idea. As a just in case.” You open your mouth to protest slightly. “How about just me and you, I can reserve a room so that no one else will come in. Until your comfortable in your ability and how you look.”
When he pauses you give him a look thinking it over. “Man you know just what to say to make me feel better. I’m mean it may be like a century and a half until I’m comfortable with how I look but, okay, we will try it your way, but not everyday alright?” He nods, standing up he goes for one more hug. “You’re too perfect. Why are all the good ones married?”
“Just my burden to bear. Someone has to do it.” He gives a dramatic sigh, to which you roll your eyes.
“Do think your wife would mind sharing you? You might be the only man for me.”
“We both know that’s not true. You seem to have a thing for a certain blue-eyed bad boy. I will check with the wife though who knows. I can’t just keep this perfection that is myself to just her, so greedy that one.” Both of you laugh at that before you turn back to the counter feeling lighter than you had in a while.