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Every day was the same routine, the same monotonous day to day. Alone like I was, there wasn’t much I could do to entertain myself other than do my chores and not much more.
Things changed one day, however, when an unusual commotion occurred outside my house. At first I hid, thinking it best to stay out of it and pretend like there was nobody home. Out of curiosity, though, I decided to take a peek out the window to see what was happening, find out the reason behind all the noise.
I couldn’t really hear what they were saying, but there were two men outside. One was very big and burly, and the other one was slightly smaller. The latter one was shirtless and his entire torso, including his arms, were covered in runic tattoos.
As he lied weakly on the floor, it seemed to me like this very stranger was in disadvantage. He was beaten, but the other man kept hitting him even though the first couldn’t even stand up.
I frowned as I watched the scene, feeling terrible for the tattooed stranger. I didn’t know anything about the situation or any of them, and I didn’t want to assume anything, but I just wanted to help the injured man since he wasn’t even defending himself.
A newly found courage overcame me and I found myself running to my front door. I hesitated, however, when I realized my hand was already hovering over the door knob. I was still on time, I could stay away and not get in trouble. But… then that poor man would still be in danger…
I swung the door open and ran to them, screaming for the burly man to stop hitting the tattooed stranger. To my surprise, the latter laughed in amusement at my intervention.
“Please, stop!” I begged him, not taking the sight of that gruesome fight anymore. “Leave this poor man alone!”
“Stay out of this, you!” Came the burly man’s deep voice. “You don’t know-“
“Why don’t you listen, man?” The injured man shut the other up, smiling cockily despite the fact that his entire face was covered in bruises and blood. “Leave me alone! Poor me!”
The other, angered by his words, was about to hit him again, but I held him back by holding his arm. He stared at me menacingly, and even though I was frightened and wishing I had never intervened, I didn’t shy away.
“Please! I can’t stand still watching this violent fight” I mumbled even if it wasn’t an even one, since the burly man was nearly unharmed. “You might have your reasons but…”
“You know nothing” With a sharp movement, he let go of my hand to free his arm.
The two of them stared at each other challengingly but finally, the big man started to walk away even if glaring daggers at the other. I waited until he was far away enough, until I was sure that he wouldn’t return. Then I quickly kneeled next to the other man.
“Are you alright?” I asked him, looking him up and down and wincing at the sight of his very hurt body.
“I’m great!” He replied to my surprise, sitting up like nothing had happened. I assumed it was because he preferred to appear strong no matter what.
“You can come into my house” I held him by the arm and helped him up. “There you can heal and rest”
“What’s your name, gorgeous?” Asked the man, and even though his tone was charming, I couldn’t quite make up my mind as to how I felt about him.
“Y/N” I muttered, slowly accompanying him into my house. “I’m Y/N”
“Baldur” He said back, smiling despite the obvious injuries all around his face. “Pleasure to meet you, Y/N”
“Would you… like me to look for anyone?” I changed the subject, flustered by the intense way in which he stared at me. “Family? Friends? Anyone that should know-“
“I don’t have anyone” He cut me off, quite abruptly, which led me to believe it was a sensitive subject. “I’m on my own”
“I see” I pushed the door open and lead us both inside. “That’s alright, you can stay here as long as you need to, rest and recover”
“Well, thank you very much” I was starting to question my own judgement, there was something strange in his voice, in his tone. It sounded cocky, but also… devious somehow.
A brief silence fell over us as I helped him sit down on my bed. I didn’t like that he would stain it with blood, but to my surprise he didn’t. I supposed the blood had dried out and his wounds weren’t deep enough to keep bleeding still. It shocked me nonetheless.
Rattled by his persistent stare, I went to grab something he could clean himself with. He took it from my hand with surprising gentleness. This man was a mystery, and I still couldn’t decide how I felt about him.
He began to wash the dry blood off and my heart skipped a beat when I noticed there wasn’t any wound underneath it anymore. How was that possible?
“Aren’t you gonna ask me why we were fighting?” Baldur asked me to regain my attention. “Or are you one of those that think everyone is inherently good?”
“It isn’t really my business…” I cautiously said, honestly meaning it.
“But it was stopping it, right?” There was something slightly disturbing about his grin now.
“I… couldn’t stand watching you get hurt any longer” I took a step back, wary about him all of a sudden.
“But you don’t know me, you don’t know anything about me” He stood up and shrugged. “Maybe I deserved it, maybe I wanted it”
“Are you a god?” I whispered, feeling like I wouldn’t be able to talk any louder now.
“You’re a clever one” His piercing blue eyes settled on me, analyzing me. “Yes, I am a god, but that’s not all”
I watched in astonishment as he picked up my knife, which lay on the table, and stabbed his own hand with it. He didn’t even blink, didn’t have any reactions.
I covered my mouth with my hands, both in fear and disconcert.
“I can’t feel anything either, love” That said, Baldur did something and the stab wound that went all through his hand healed like magic.
When he offered me the knife back, I shrunk away from him, causing him to roll his eyes at me.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Y/N” He insisted, so I took the knife with shaky hands. “In fact, I like you, you intrigue me”
“W-Why?”
“Why? Because you risked your own safety for a complete stranger that, for all you knew, deserved to be beaten to death”
I just stared at him, trembling as I tried to take in everything that was happening, everything that he represented. I knew about gods, and I had encountered a few of them before, but never really had anything to do with them. And less with a powerful cocky god who didn’t feel any pain and recklessly threw himself into battle. It then clicked within me that Baldur did want that fight, even if I still couldn’t understand why.
“So thank you, darling” He held my chin up, but I pushed him away.
“Don’t touch me” I stepped away from him, as much as I could, so much so that I walked into the furniture.
“Fine” Baldur held his hands up peacefully. “I’ll leave, I know when I’m not wanted”
I cautiously nodded, frowning and trying not to lose him out of my sight. But he was distancing himself from me, allegedly meaning what he said.
“But I’ll come back for you” His smile was now slightly sweeter, even if not friendly yet. “It’s up to you to open the door or not”
“I won’t” I said in an impulse, letting him know how freaked out I was by him.
“Then I would leave just like that” He shrugged again, unfazed by my reluctance. “But I have the feeling that you will”
With that, Baldur left my house, leaving no proof that he was ever here. No blood on my sheets or my knife –he must have cleaned it while I was too busy watching his face and not his hands –and only my memories as evidence of his presence there.
*
After a few days, I had started to wrap my mind around the idea that Baldur was a god, a seemingly invincible one that didn’t feel any physical pain. I couldn’t get him out of my head no matter how much I told myself that he was dangerous. But… was he really? He didn’t hurt me, he didn’t even try to deliberate scare me. He was just… demonstrating his abilities? I didn’t know, he was such a mystery still.
Yet I found myself waiting for his return, hopefully to solve the mystery. To find out why he so desperately wanted that fight I witnessed if it was true that he didn’t feel any pain. Was it precisely because of that? Was he trying to feel something?
All these thoughts repeated themselves in my mind for days, as I was equally scared and excited, as I was confused and determined. I somehow knew that he would be true to his word and would show up at my door once more. Then what would I do, how would I react? Would I go with him? Propose some conditions to accompany him? Say yes without giving it a second thought? For days I couldn’t make up my mind, hoping that I would know the right answer, the one I felt deep down, when the time came.
And one day, the moment of truth arrived. A knock came to my door, and I somehow knew it was Baldur. It could be literally any one, but my gut told me it was indeed him.
My hands started shaking as I reached out for the door knob, and I evoked the moment we met. Even after eating my head about it, I still felt the same way, exactly how I felt that moment that happened now a week ago.
I opened the door to reveal Baldur, smirking at me. We stared at each other for several seconds, seizing each other up, before he piped up.
“Here I am” He offered me his hand. “What do you say, Y/N?”
I hesitated, observing his outstretched hand. And in a reflex, my hand flew to his. It was cold to touch, perhaps because of the snowy weather. It made me wonder if he realized how cold it was.
I lifted my glance until it met with his intense blue eyes. He was still smirking.
“I need to hear you say it, darling” Baldur said, almost teasing me.
“Yes” My voice was shaky yet determined.
“Just like that?” His fingers closed over my hand and he slightly tugged at me.
I took a step forward, realizing the hidden meaning behind his words. If I fully accepted there was no coming back. I would have to commit to go with him, to stay and forget about my comfortable home, at least for the time being.
It made me feel forced and slightly trapped, but I still wanted to go with him. It was like a strong bond that connected us, one that happened as soon as we met. It made me want to follow him, to learn more about him and help him. And I knew that, even if he was moderately sweet and patient with me, I was sure that it wasn’t like that with everyone else. But precisely because of that, maybe our bond was important, maybe I was meant to be with him.
“Are you sure?” Baldur asked once more, noticing my hesitance.
“I am” I nodded, embracing the feeling of his hand against mine.
“Let’s go then” He grinned, even if he never let go of my hand. Maybe, to some extent, it brought him the same comfort that it brought me.
*
We didn’t talk for several hours. We just walked alongside the other, getting lost in our own thoughts. And in my case, still getting accustomed to the idea that I was travelling with a stranger and blindly letting him lead me wherever he went. I could never explain this, it felt like fate, like I was where I was supposed to be. Like my place was with Baldur, even if it was unlikely that two people so different were destined to be together. But maybe we needed each other, maybe our place was with each other.
I stared at him, watching the look of determination and concentrating in his features as he was immersed in his own thoughts. Did he think the way I did? Did he believe our encounter to be fate? Our relationship to be destined?
“Where are we going?” I dared to say, finally breaking the silence for the first time since we departed.
“I’m looking for someone” Baldur replied, seemingly not bothered by my interruption. “Someone out there should be able to help me”
I frowned, wondering what he meant. And again, an instinct told me everything I needed to know. It had to do with his state of invulnerability. I knew that it all did.
“Are you looking for a cure?” He merely nodded, giving me a tired look. “It must be lonely”
Startled by my unexpected comment, Baldur stopped walking. His usually strong, stern and cocky expression turned to a vulnerable one, a mixture of surprise and hope and pain all at once. But he recovered fast and hid all those emotions under his usual… anger. Which I knew was a façade, somehow I did.
“What happened to you?” I decided to ask, hoping I wasn’t overdoing it. I genuinely wanted to know about his past, I was still intrigued by his whole persona. “Why are you…?”
“Invulnerable? Miserable? Hollow?” He bitterly said to me, bearing a sarcastic grin. “My dear mother, in all her immense wisdom, did this to me”
“Your mother?” I repeated, surprised about the reveal. Why would she do such a thing when it made him, like he himself had said, miserable? It didn’t make any sense. “Why?”
“She says it was to protect me” Baldur rolled his eyes in contempt. “I should have taken the chance, do it while I could, I should have-“
I stared at him, wondering what he was talking about now. But he stared at me and stopped himself before he said too much. I decided not to ask about that.
“And who are you looking for?” I thought it best to change the subject.
“Someone famous, with the potential of being the one to make me feel something” He said it nonchalantly, but I could feel his pain, how desperate and miserable he felt despite it all.
We remained silent as we arrived to a wooden cabin. Before we made it to the door, Baldur turned around and gravely stared at me.
“You stay here” He told me, taking me by the wrist and walking me to a big rock, behind which he ‘hid’ me. “Hopefully, I won’t be long”
“What are you going to do?” Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I was hiding for my safety or so I couldn’t see what was happening.
“Just have a little… chat” There was something in his tone that spooked me.
“They didn’t do anything to you, did they?”
“No, and this will be the first time I see them”
“You shouldn’t start a fight with someone just because-”
“Look at that, you know me well for someone I’ve barely met”
“I mean it, you shouldn’t-”
“Relax, everything’s under control”
Like he couldn’t even see me anymore, his eyes lost focus for a moment and I saw a great fierceness in them, anger and impatience.
I still didn’t understand why he treated me differently, like he was a whole other person when I was there. But I didn’t like the look in his expression as he walked away.
I hid behind the big rock as he told me to, cautiously listening to what he did, too afraid to upset him to take a peek. I heard Baldur violently knocking on the door and demanding to see whoever he was looking for. From what I heard, when the door was finally opened, Baldur was very rude and inquisitive. And then it began.
I saw them flying around, breaking things as they hit each other, using trees and stones like weapons like they weighted nothing. The other person must have been really strong, just like Baldur. They broke rocks, trees and it seemed to be a very equal battle. For just one moment, I saw the person Baldur was fighting. A big burly man with white skin and a red marking across his back and torso as well as his head. And he was covered in blood, defeated and exhausted, but he didn’t give up.
Following a hunch, I ran away before the fight was over. I assumed Baldur wouldn’t die, but I didn’t want to stay and witness the rest of the battle. I didn’t want to see Baldur beat them up like that for no reason other than his personal quest. It reminded me about his dark side, the one he hid with me but that was clearly still there, dormant, waiting. Unpredictable.
*
While we were apart I was overcome by many emotions, many contradictory feelings. I somehow missed him even if we hadn’t spent that long together, but despite it all I knew his condition had turned him cold. I was starting to believe we did have a connection, that fate definitely brought us together for a reason, that he cared about me. But if he did, he would have listened to me.
No, I was wrong about it all. Just like his body couldn’t harbor any feelings, neither could his heart. He didn’t care about me, nor anyone or anything else but him. He was bitter and filled with anger and hatred and nothing more, there wasn’t room for nothing else in his heart.
I had heard about what Baldur had done. Cruel things, ruthless and almost inhumane. I knew deep down he was like that, but I hoped he wasn’t. I wanted to believe that there was some good within him. I hoped he just needed someone who would be there for him to ease his pain and make him forget about his loneliness. I wanted to be there to remind him about the things he had forgotten because he could no longer feel them. Yet it was all for nothing, he forgot what empathy was long ago.
As I wandered around the forest like I had for days, I wondered what to do next. I had lost my purpose. I didn’t want to return home and go back to my bland and repetitive routine, but I definitely didn’t want to look for Baldur again.
I thought about Kratos, the big man that he fought with a few days prior. I could never assume, I didn’t know him, but Baldur himself had said that Kratos didn’t do anything to him. They didn’t even know each other, but Baldur didn’t think twice to attack him just because he wanted Kratos to make him feel something. It just wasn’t right.
Just as I was immersed in my own thoughts, I felt a cold hand tightly wrap around my wrist and tug at it. I screamed in fear, swinging my free arm to try and punch whoever was there. But just as I did and turned around, Baldur held my hand up and stopped me before I could hit him.
“How did you find me?” I angrily said, wriggling out of his reach, which he allowed me to.
“A hunch” He replied simply, and he opened his mouth again to continue, but I didn’t let him.
“I’m done with you” I interrupted him, showing him my fiercest glance.
“And why’s that, Y/N?” Despite it all, Baldur smirked a tad.
“You attacked that man out of nowhere, and I’ve heard things about you…” I sighed, wishing things were differently. “Your heart is made of ice, Baldur. You have spent so long without feeling that you forgot how to be kind, and it’s not your fault, but…”
I shook my head, trying to show him how disappointed I was in him. I took a step away from him, ready to leave him once again, but just as soon as I turned my back to him, he called me.
“Y/N, don’t go, you make me better. That’s why I looked for you” There was something in his voice I hadn’t heard before. There was… emotion. And one very different from anger. “You make me happy, you make me… feel”
“Feel?” I repeated, intrigued by what he was trying to say.
“At first I kept you around out of curiosity, because your faith and kindness intrigued me. You’re the first good-hearted person I meet in a long time” He averted his gaze, something I hadn’t seen him do either. “But the things changed”
“They did?”
“Yes, when you left”
“Why did they change?”
“Because I missed you, I wanted to protect you from any possible danger, I worried, I…”
“Cared” I completed for him, once again understanding him almost better than he could understand himself.
“Yes” Baldur was too proud to meet with my eyes, but there was authenticity in his voice. He even looked at me even if just for a second before looking away again. “It’s been so long since something like that happened that I thought it wasn’t possible anymore. You reminded me that it was”
His words deeply moved me, but I remained silent. Even if my heart screamed that I was right all along, that we were meant to be. That I made him a better person and I was supposed to be by his side. That all that darkness inside him was balanced with the light I provided him with.
“I was desperately looking for a cure when it was in front of me all along” Baldur said to break the silence, probably perceiving my doubt as well.
He could empathize with me. I was sure that, if I asked him, he wouldn’t know why either. We were still very different, but maybe that was precisely why we were so good together. Why we wanted each other, why we connected, why we fit and balanced each other out.
“Love?” I wondered if he felt love for me and I for him, if that was the cure.
“Don’t be sappy, Y/N” He finally looked at me, just to tiredly roll his eyes. “It was you”
“So love” I grinned a little, realizing we shared some sort of loving bond.
“Shut up, I never said I love you” Once again, he took a hold of my wrist. But this time I didn’t push him away.
“You don’t need to” I muttered as I hugged him tight, happy with the result. He was capable of empathy, of love, of caring. Even if just with me. For now.
“I… like this” Baldur slowly wrapped his arms around me as well. “It’s… warm”
I only smiled wider when he gently tightened his arms around me.