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Carefully cracking the pod with the flat side of the knife, Sirius separated the seeds from the shell to add to the small pile he already had. The kitchen was quiet around him except the bubbling of a pot on the stove. It was too early for most to be awake which was the entire reason he was doing this now.
He kept working, stripping each pod from the stalk he had cut. They weren’t overly large and it took skill to make sure the seeds weren’t crushed in opening them. The sweet scent rolling off the plant filled his senses, almost overwhelming him as he worked. It was the only thing he disliked about the thing and anything done to dilute the sweeter taste diminished the intended effect of it. Since that would defeat the entire point, he suffered through it.
Sweeping all the seeds into a bowl, he started grinding them down. The finer the better and he had the time to do it properly. His mind wandered as he worked, going over the events of the last few days, weeks. It made him smile, all the memories they had already made in such a short amount of time. The thought of how many more they would make kept the smile on his face.
He was just finishing when the door opened behind him. He paused to look and wasn’t completely surprised at who he saw. “You’re up early, little lady,” he said softly.
Celeste gave him a sleepy smile. “I saw you were up.”
“I told you, you didn’t need to join me. You need your sleep.” He’d talked to her about his troubles with sleep shortly after he’d brought her back to Cradle. Mostly so she wouldn’t worry if she found him gone when they shared a bed. He should have expected she’d come looking for him.
“I wanted to.”
He didn’t believe her. She still looked half asleep as she crossed the room to him, but she was an adorable sight. She’d left her hair in the braid she’d slept in, but it was coming apart and loose strands were framing her face. Her dress was a cute little plaid number that she’d pulled an unbuttoned sweater over, warding against the chill running through headquarters this morning. Her blue eyes were heavy lidded and her entire expression sleepy. She honestly looked like she had just rolled out of bed and he wanted nothing more than to tuck her back in. But he wrapped an arm around her, bringing her closer to kiss her forehead.
Sirius savoured the contact and breathed her in. It had only been a few weeks since they’d been reunited and he loved all these small moments they had together. The fact that they even had any, when there’d been so much working against it ever happening again, was not something he’d ever take for granted. His eyes closed on a sigh as her arms slipped round him, her cheek pressing to his chest as she leaned against him. The separation from her had been hard, but it was worth it for moments like this.
The pot bubbled over, drawing him back to the task at hand.
He kissed her again and gently untangled himself from her. “Sit down,” he murmured, giving her a small push toward the table. “I’ll make you something to eat after I finish this.”
She blinked at the pot and then at him as he turned the heat down on it. “What is it?”
He pursed his lips. It was a conversation he knew he needed to have with her. However, he’d wanted to wait until she was fully settled and comfortable. Not only with living in Cradle but in being with him too. But he wasn’t going to hide it now that she’d asked. For all his verbal dodging, he knew this was something they needed to talk about together. “I don’t know what it’s like in the Land of Reason,” he said quietly, picking up a small, glass vial and adding its contents into the bowl of ground seeds. “But here in Cradle there are a few methods of contraception we can use.”
Celeste blinked at him again, but he saw the exact moment she fully woke up. “O-Oh,” she squeaked, her cheeks colouring.
She’d been adorable before but now she was just being unfair. Mixing the two together, he continued, “Most methods work well enough, but I didn’t want well enough. I wanted something I knew would work without fail.”
“Like Queen Anne’s lace seeds?” she asked curiously.
He glanced at her again. Her cheeks were still incredibly red and he could see the shyness lurking in her eyes, but she didn’t look away from him. “Queen Anne’s lace seeds?” he repeated.
Her gaze darted away for a moment before it swung back to him. “Women chew them to help prevent pregnancies,” she explained, her voice soft. “It’s what my mother would use. She taught me about it in case…well, just in case.” She frowned suddenly and he could practically see where her mind was going.
Sirius hummed softly, pulling her attention back to him. She’d told him enough about her mother for him to fill in the blanks in that sentence. “I haven’t heard of it,” he admitted, “but it sounds similar to what I’m using. With this, the seeds need to be ground down and added to a drink. It isn’t limited to only women or men taking it. Either can, but you need to drink it every day for it to work properly. You can buy it from certain vendors, but I prefer to make it myself.” Because then he knew it was done properly and wouldn’t have to worry about it.
She stepped closer, looking at the bowl and pot. “Any drink? And what did you add to it?”
The colour was fading from her cheeks as they talked and he was pleased that they were having an actual conversation about it. From what she had said about the Land of Reason and what information he’d gleaned from Blanc before he’d gone, her world was far more reserved than Cradle was. “Specific drink,” Sirius clarified. “There’s only one way to make it to ensure that the seeds do their job. You can add one thing to the recipe to increase their potency, if you can afford it, but everything else will lower it.”
“And that is?”
“Powdered magic crystals.”
Celeste pulled back, staring at him. “Are those safe to drink?”
He chuckled and poured the cooled contents of the pot into a mug. “In small quantities they amplify the intended effect of whatever they’re consumed with. They can also be used as stimulants of various kinds.”
Her eyes narrowed and she muttered, “You do not need that.”
Sirius couldn’t help his grin and she flushed again at the sight of it. “You can purchase the ground crystals in various amounts, but their magic only lasts a short amount of time. They usually remain at full strength for roughly a week so there’s no point in buying more than you’ll use. You can make the combination of seeds and crystals once a week and they’ll still be as potent on the last day as the first. The drink needs to be made daily, but you can store the rest to use as you need it.”
“There’s not a lot there,” she said, looking into the bowl again.
There was enough. He carefully poured the powdered ingredients into a small jar, making sure he didn’t spill any in the transfer. He picked up a small spoon, smaller than a teaspoon, and measured out a scoop. “You don’t need a lot,” he murmured, adding it to the cup and stirring.
The sweet scent immediately rolled off of the drink as he stirred and he fought a sigh. He needed to drink it while it was still warm and-Sirius paused when Celeste caught his arm. “You don’t have to drink it.”
Frowning down at her, he said, “What do you mean? I’ve been drinking it for weeks now. Unless…I thought it was a little early to be having children, but if that’s what you want?”
Her eyes widened, cheeks growing as red as her hair. “That isn’t what I-! No! I-” She pressed her lips together to stem her stammering and turned from him.
Catching her arm when she started to hurry away, Sirius gently coaxed her back. “What did you mean, Cherry?” he asked, his voice soft and he didn’t miss the noise she made at the nickname. He didn’t want their conversation to stop here, not when they’d been able to talk openly so far. He’d meant it as a tease, not a stop to their talk.
She took a deep breath, peeking up at him with her cheeks still red. “I meant I could drink it,” she whispered hesitantly.
“It only needs to be one of us and I’m already doing it.”
Her shoulders slumped on a sigh. “You’re also doing so many other things, Sirius,” she said, turning fully to him. “Do you think I really haven’t noticed?”
Lips pursing, Sirius let go of her. He’d wondered if she’d figured it out. She hadn’t said anything before now, but he knew she wasn’t dumb, that he’d only get away with it for so long. “I want you to be comfortable here, Celeste. I was trying to help.”
“I know, but you could let me do this.”
Except he didn’t want to. “Not this time,” he told her gently, draining the mug as quickly as he could.
Celeste stared up at him and he didn’t like the mix of emotions he could see on her face.
He set the mug down in the sink and caught her before she could move away from him again. “Talk to me,” he said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear.
She huffed out a breath. “You’ve been drinking it for weeks?” she asked. “Before or after you came for me?”
Sighing softly, Sirius admitted, “Before.”
“Before?” she echoed, surprised. “But it was just a coincidence that we were both in the park that night!”
“I know, but I had a plan, Celeste.” And a fresh week’s worth of the mixture in what he’d brought with him to her world. He’d spent the days leading up to the full moon going through all the possibilities and he’d covered as many scenarios as he could. That had included finding her immediately, as low a chance as that had had, which meant he’d started drinking it before he’d left.
“Were you ever going to mention it?”
“Yes.” He wanted to sigh when she didn’t look convinced. “It’s our relationship, Celeste. This affects you as much as it does me.”
“Then why wait to tell me?”
Sirius took a moment, considering his words. He wasn’t going to lie or dance around this subject, but he wanted to say it right. “I didn’t say anything because I wanted you to enjoy what we were doing,” he said, holding her gaze. “I didn’t want you to worry about anything. I knew I was your first, Cherry, and I knew how tangled up you were that first night. I wanted you to be more comfortable with me, with yourself, with us, before I talked to you about it.”
She frowned at his chest, not meeting his gaze. “Oh.”
He waited before hooking a finger under her chin. “Tell me.”
“It’s just hard sometimes,” Celeste whispered. “You seem to think about everything and this is something I should have thought about, but I was too distracted for it to really cross my mind.”
Which was what he’d wanted. He wanted her to freely learn and explore what she wanted from sex.
“I feel…silly for not thinking about it. Childish. That I got so caught up in all of it, I forgot what could happen.”
That was not what he wanted. Cupping her face, he rubbed his thumbs over her cheeks in slow swipes. “You’re not silly or childish for getting caught up in it,” Sirius said firmly. “I was trying to do that to you. You’d already told me enough for me to grasp the differences in our cultures, Cherry. It wasn’t hard to tell that sex outside of marriage was frowned upon far more in yours than mine. I thought I was helping by taking care of it so you could get used to having sex, but maybe I should have told you from the start.”
She made a face. “No. I don’t know if I would have been able to talk about it right away. I mean I still get….” She trailed off, both hands waving through the air in a helpless gesture.
“Shy,” he finished, unable to help his smile. It had startled him that first time, made him wonder if he’d done something wrong or, worse, hurt her. He found it endearing now, the way she’d try to shy away from him in the moments after her passion had faded. Not that he let her get away with it, but it was cute all the same.
Her expression tightened again, her brows drawing together. “It’s probably for the best you didn’t mention it,” Celeste finally said. “I already had so many other things I was worried about. Even if you had told me that you were taking care of it, I still would have focused on it.”
Running his hands over her hair, he pushed it back from her face and smiled at her. “Not in the moment you wouldn’t,” he teased gently.
The colour had faded from her cheeks, but it flared back up again at the words. She squeaked and stepped into him, burying her face in his chest.
Sirius grinned at the reaction. He slipped his arms around her and held her close. One day she might not react so cutely to his teasing, but he hoped that day never came.
He lost track of time as they stood there, but he was acutely aware of her. It was nothing new. It had been like this since he’d met her and only grown steadily with every day they’d been together. But being able to actually touch her now left him breathless. Those smattering of moments they’d shared before he’d sent her back to London had barely tided him over and he wanted more of them. Wanted more of this. Wanted more of her.
A small noise left him when she wound her arms around him, her hands sliding under his shirt to press to his lower back. She cuddled closer to him, her breath slipping through the front of his shirt and making him shudder. Yes, that was what he wanted. Moments like this were exactly what he had fought so hard for. “Sirius?” she asked, her voice muffled.
“Mm?”
“Do you…do you want them? Someday I mean.”
He frowned. “Want what?”
“Children.”
Her voice was a mere whisper around the word, but his heart skipped a beat at it. “Someday,” he admitted, his own voice catching a little at the thought. “I’d like to have you to myself for a little while longer. Having to share you with the rest of these brats is bad enough.” Even though it would be completely different if it was their child.
Celeste laughed and quickly cut herself off. “Okay.”
“And you?” he asked, leaning down to kiss above her ear and smiling at her shiver. “Do you want children?”
“Yes.” Her answer was immediate and set his heart to pounding. Of course, it was yes. How could it not be when he knew how much she wanted a family? She’d never outright said it, but she was easy to read and the way she had talked about her life before…. The answer would always be yes.
He suddenly realised that if she wanted them now, he would gladly give them to her. They would figure something out. He could get it sorted, they could make it work. He wanted her to be happy and-Shaking that thought away before it could fully take root, he murmured, “How about we make a deal?”
She looked at him when he tugged gently on her braid. “What kind of deal?”
“I’ll teach you how to make it, the contraceptive drink,” Sirius said, holding her gaze, “but you’re making it for me.”
Her mouth flattened before smoothing back out. “In exchange for?”
“When you’re ready for children, you stop making it.”
Celeste pulled back further, her eyes darting over his face. “What if you aren’t ready? It’s like you said. It’s our relationship and that decision affects us both.”
Bending over her, he kissed her slowly. His tongue teased her lips apart, pulling a soft moan from her as he found hers. He kissed her deeply and cradled her as she swayed against him. “I’ll be ready when you are,” he purred, barely breaking the kiss to speak.
“O-Oh.”
She breathed the word and he smiled. The flush on her cheeks had nothing to do with embarrassment. A quick glance at the clock and he made up his mind. He let go of her, quickly closing the jar of seeds and crystals and tucking it in his pocket. “I know I promised you breakfast,” he murmured, slipping his arms around her and lifting her off her feet, “but do you mind waiting?”
She smiled softly at him as he started for the door. “I can wait.”
The desire in her voice had his stride lengthening. It was still early enough that they were unlikely to run into anyone on the way back to his room, but he wasn’t going to take that risk.