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Soonyoung had been so angry when he’d found out. He’d almost yelled in their manager’s face, but Junhui had held him back. He’d been so angry, he’d nearly cried into Junhui’s jumper, mumbling, “I just want to keep you safe, I just want to know that you’re okay, why are they doing this?” Junhui had tried to convince him that it wasn’t a big deal, but he was scared too.
Junhui doesn’t really like travelling, in general. On top of that, airports and planes are the worst part of any journey. They always make him anxious, he always gets worked up, and it always leaves him feeling shitty. The one thing that makes any flying experience the tiniest bit better is his members, most namely the performance unit.
They know just what to do when he gets overwhelmed, and they’re so good at calming him down. It’s not like the others are incapable of dealing with him because they definitely aren’t, it’s just something about having Chan, Minghao, and Soonyoung around that instantly makes him feel better.
For some reason, for their flight back to South Korea from Japan, the managers had decided to do it in two trips- six of them would fly down tonight, the remaining seven would follow the next morning. Usually, that would have been fine, but they hadn’t thought to put Junhui in the same load as anyone from the performance unit.
“They know how anxious you can get, and they know that us three can help you the best. Why would they split us up?” Soonyoung had complained. Junhui just stroked his hair and tried not to think about it- he would be fine, he can take care of himself.
“The others will look after me. You have nothing to worry about.” Junhui tells him, keeping the younger’s head tucked under his chin so that he can’t catch the glitter of unshed tears in his eyes. “Trust me.”
“I do. I know they’ll take care of you. I just can’t stand being so far away from you, especially if you’re having a bad time.” Junhui just keeps holding him, trying to pretend that he isn’t just as worried as Soonyoung is. He’s an adult, he can do this. He doesn’t need to lean on his members in order to survive a two-hour flight.
*
“Jun-hyung? Are you okay?” Mingyu asks as he takes the seat beside Jun in the van. They’d just landed in Seoul an hour ago and they’re going to be back at the dorms so soon- Junhui is embarrassed that he couldn’t hold himself together for long enough. “Hyung?” Mingyu lays a cold palm in the space between his shoulder blades and Junhui can’t help but let out a sob into his hands.
He’s just so stressed out. Not only was he flying, and doing so without Minghao, Chan, and Soonyoung, but the flight had been so busy that he couldn’t even sit with the members who were with him. He’d been completely on his own, surrounded by strangers, and his anxiety had peaked almost as soon as he’d sat down. He’d spent the whole flight chewing on his lips and playing with his ring and trying not to annoy the lady in the seat beside him.
Somehow, he was able to get through the flight with only one trip to the bathroom to talk himself down, and he hadn’t even cried out of relief when he’d been reunited with his boys. It’s just now that it’s all catching up with him. He’s tired, and he’s stressed, and he’s anxious out of his mind. His hands are shaking and his heart is jumping about in his chest and he just can’t get his thoughts straight it’s like-
“Jun? What’s going on, Mingyu?” Jisoo’s voice comes out of nowhere, and more hands appear, on his shoulders this time, squeezing at them gently. Jisoo’s knelt down in front of him, getting on eye-level.
“I- I don’t know. He just sat down and started crying. I- he-” Mingyu stutters when he gets nervous. Junhui doesn’t want to make him nervous, he sounds so scared. Despite his red, tear-stained face, trembling hands, and stuttering chest, he sits up and pulls Mingyu into his side, pressing a kiss to his head.
“Don’t get upset. I’m fine, I promise I’m fine. Don’t be sad, please.” Junhui rambles into Mingyu’s hair, wearily apologising as he covers the younger boy in snot and tears. Jisoo watches in bewilderment as Mingyu squirms his way out of Junhui’s grip and grabs him by the hands, shaking them gently to get his attention.
“No, what? I’m fine. You’re the one who’s crying.” Jisoo physically cringes at how loud Mingyu says it. He knows that the boy doesn’t mean it to be harmful, but raising his voice right now is not going to help in the slightest.
“I’m sorry, I-” Junhui starts, curling in on himself again as he really starts to panic. He hadn’t wanted to cause a scene, he hadn’t wanted to start crying, he’d just wanted to get home and get into bed so that he could call Minghao and finally feel better.
“No, don’t- God, I’m so bad at this.” Mingyu looks on the verge of tears now, he turns to Jisoo with a pleading look in his eyes before focusing back on Junhui, who is pressing a hand to his chest as he struggles to take in enough air to keep him conscious. “Junhui, I’m sorry.”
“Okay, let’s get calmed down, shall we. We’re all going to be okay.” Jisoo says, trying to keep his voice soft and soothing, not wanted to work up either Mingyu or Junhui any more. “Mingyu, can you get behind Jun. Lean back against the window.” Mingyu manages to do as he asks, even in the small space between the rows of seats.
Jisoo nudges Jun back until he’s leaning against Mingyu’s chest, and he coaxes Mingyu to wrap his arms around his middle. They want to keep him there, but they don’t want to hold him down. He really hopes this works- he’s seen the others calming Junhui like this all the time, so it must help somewhat.
The familiar position seems to relax him a little. He lets out a soft breath and tilts his head to the side, his breathing a bit more controlled.
“Close your eyes, Junhui. Just focus on calming down, alright? We’re all okay, there’s nothing to worry about.”
“We’re gonna get you home Junhui. Get you a warm shower, then into bed. Sound good?” Junhui nods at Mingyu’s words before his brows pull together and he shakes his head, his next breath sticking in his throat. Jisoo moves a hand to his chest, rubbing circles into his sternum.
“Ming- Minghao. I was gonna call Minghao, I said I would- once I’m home-” He’s stuttering, his words jumbled, and it breaks Jisoo’s heart to see him so upset. More often than not, Junhui doesn’t have his panic attacks out in the open like this. When he can, he likes to hide himself away with just his performance members to look after him.
He can’t imagine how hard it must be for those three to see their beloved hyung so upset any more often than he does. Just once is overwhelming for him. It’s so hard to be taking care of someone when they’re panicking because just one wrong word or wrong move can make everything seem so much worse. But Junhui’s definitely having a harder time than he is right now.
“How about we call Minghao now, huh? Would that make you feel better?” Jun is immediately nodding, opening his eyes just to check that Jisoo was being serious. Which he was- he pulls his phone out of his back pocket instantly. “I’m on it, Junhui, don’t worry.”
Minghao picks up on the second ring. “Joshua?” He asks, the line a little bit crackly.
“Hey, Hao. Junhui’s not feeling so great, and he wanted to give you a call. Can I put you on facetime?”
“Yeah, of course. Where is he? What’s going on?” In the background of the call, Jisoo can hear Chan and Soonyoung asking questions, getting closer to the microphone with concerned voices. Jisoo switches the camera on and all three of them appear, huddled into the frame on their hotel bed.
“Here you go, Junnie-yah,” Jisoo says, turning the phone to face him. He can’t make them out for a second, through his tears, but then he recognises them and his face crumbles again. He reaches for the phone and pulls it towards him, his face so close to the camera just his eyes are visible as he sobs.
“Junnie, hey, what’s going on?” Minghao asks. He sounds so sad like he can’t believe that Junhui is crying and he isn’t there to make him feel better. “Oh, baby, no. Don’t cry.” Chan and Soonyoung start to talk to him as well until he stops crying so hard and pulls the phone back so that he can actually be seen.
“There you are, bug.” Soonyoung coos, making Junhui giggle wetly. “I wish we were there with you. Can you tell us what’s going on? What’s got you so upset, huh?” Mingyu strokes a hand through his hair, resting his nose in the crook of Junhui’s neck. He really wants him to feel better- he’s half-worried that Jun seeing his boys but not being with them might make him feel worse.
“I just- the flight made me anxious and I was trying to keep myself together until we- we got h-home but, I couldn’t- I just, I need you, please, I need-” He cuts himself off with a cough, doubling forward. Mingyu has to grip onto his waist again so that he doesn’t go pitching onto the floor.
“I’m so sorry you don’t feel good, Junhui. But you’re doing so well. You don’t need to hide how you’re feeling, hyung, you know that. You should have told someone you were anxious.” Junhui knows that Chan is right, but he’s not in the mood to admit it right now. Instead, he just leans back again with a shaky sigh, trying to keep his breathing even.
Just the voices of Minghao, Soonyoung, and Chan are enough to make him feel a bit more stable. It’s become so familiar, them being there to pull him down from the height of his anxiety, that he associates them with that calming feeling. He does really wish they were here though, to hold him and kiss away his tears.
“Joshua?” Minghao calls for him, and he immediately responds, on edge. “Where are you guys right now?” Jisoo had forgotten that they haven’t even left the airport yet. He turns to see the rest of the members and their driver waiting outside, giving them space. He strategically blocks Junhui from seeing them- Jisoo knows that they chose to wait there, but he also knows that Junhui would blame himself for making a fuss.
“We’re still at the airport. In the van.”
“Okay. So you’re gonna go home, have a nice shower, some food, then get snuggled up in bed, okay? Try and rest during the drive, and we’ll call again when you’re settled in. Does that sound alright?” Junhui nods, sleepily, head half-resting on Mingyu’s shoulder. Mingyu can’t help but coo at him, making Soonyoung pout with jealousy.
“We’ll be with you bright and early tomorrow morning, okay? I need my Junhui kisses.” Soonyoung says, and Junhui grins, that bright smile they all know and love making them all feel at ease. “We love you so much, bug.” He says, and the other two agree, Jisoo and Mingyu also humming to concur.
“Love you guys too. Thanks for looking after me. I feel better.” He sounds so tired, he’s probably going to pass out before they even start moving. He’s cute, though, so Mingyu isn’t going to complain about having him sprawled across his front. He deserves a bit of love right now.