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Clark grinned widely, happily, as he squeezed me against his side. I sighed happily as well, finding that feeling intoxicating. The feeling of his warm body against mine, of his strong but gentle arm over my shoulders, of the look of utter love and adoration reflected in his beautiful eyes as he looked at me. Of the feeling of safety and comfort he provided me with just by standing next to me. It had been so long that I had almost forgotten what that felt like. True love, simple and unproblematic.
The last time I felt it was with Bruce, but it didn’t last long. At first it was like a fairy tale, extremely romantic and wonderful. Then things got complicated, we drifted away and began fighting. Our relationship grew more and more toxic until we broke up after a long tortuous time and I was left heartbroken.
“You okay, Y/N?” Clark asked me with his deep voice. I forced a smile, even though it soon developed into a genuine one as soon as we locked eyes.
“I’m fine” I assured, being enamored by him. He had been the one to pick up the broken pieces of my heart and put them together, almost fixing it altogether with his affection and dedication. “I promise, I’m okay”
“You’re thinking about him again, aren’t you?” His somewhat playful tone shifted into a sad one. He knew me too well.
“Yeah, but…” I sighed, averting my gaze in shame. “I’m not dwelling on it, it’s just…”
“You can’t help but to think about him” He guessed, finishing the sentence for me.
“Well…”
“It’s okay, I understand. As long as you’re happy, I don’t mind”
I snuggled closer to Clark as we walked, profoundly grateful for how great he was. Patient, understanding, loving, thoughtful… Even though I kept thinking about another man, one that once was his rival, he wasn’t mad. Clark realized that it was inevitable that Bruce ran around my mind because of our previous relationship. But that didn’t mean I wanted to be with him, I was as happy as I could be with Clark.
Almost like my thoughts had summoned him, I noticed a familiar figure approaching us in the streets. I loudly gasped, feeling my heart skipping a beat when I recognized him. Clark’s arm embraced me closer, alarmed by my outburst. And then his eyes followed my glance and realized what I saw to earn such a reaction. I looked up at him, worried about his reaction, and noticed that he was frowning and glaring at the man. His jaw was clenched, and I didn’t think I had ever seen him like that.
Seeing as his glance was glued to him, I looked at him as well. There stood Bruce, staring at us with a subtle look of guilt written in his eyes and perhaps a bit of jealousy. But then it was replaced by one of determination as he stood up straight, protecting his ego as usual.
I averted my gaze, hurt by his demeanor even now. Even after all this time, even after I was happy with Clark, Bruce still hurt. His mere presence, his mere existence hurt. Because of our past, because of previous feelings and memories. And the painful ‘what if’ that always haunted me as I wondered if I would have been happy with him had things turned out differently.
“Y/N” Bruce said in a surprisingly cold voice, even if I could see a hint of an apology in his eyes, no matter how much he tried to hide it. “Clark…”
Before Bruce could pass us by, Clark held him by the arm to stop him. I had to suppress another gasp, afraid about how the scene would play out. I didn’t want them to fight.
“You never apologized for breaking her heart” Clark sternly told him, not letting go of him until their glances met. “You should do it now”
“Clark…” I really appreciated that he was trying to bring me some closure, hopefully helping me to move on. But… I didn’t want that confrontation, especially if the two men I loved were to hurt each other for my sake.
“No, he’s right” Bruce solely said, moving his glance from him to me. “I’m sorry”
I let out a sarcastic chuckle when all the emotions stirred within me all of a sudden. I had been waiting a long time to hear those words from him, but once I didn’t feel peace like I thought, I felt… anger. Maybe because of him, just… him.
“You’re sorry” I blurted out before I could stop myself, just then realizing how much it truly affected me and how much I had bottled it up as well. Not even talking about it with Clark helped, I needed to face Bruce and tell him all those things that were stuck in my heart, that he caused. I needed him to know. “Do you think apologizing or even meaning it fixes anything?”
“Y/N…” Clark realized he had made a mistake, but I shrugged his arm off.
“If you were really sorry, you would have listened to me!” I told Bruce, fueled by anger and resentment. “If you really ever loved me, you wouldn’t have blamed me and neglected me! You wouldn’t have chosen your pride and ego over our relationship!”
“You don’t understand, Y/N!” He raised his voice, but I didn’t let that intimidate me. It felt like reliving our relationship.
“Oh, I don’t understand! It’s my fault, see? You keep blaming me!”
“It isn’t about that!”
“Then what is it about, Bruce?!”
“I had to protect you!!”
“From what? From yourself?”
“Yes!”
The yelling suddenly stopped at his words. I could feel Clark tense up next to me, watching me closely as I, on turn, watched Bruce.
“Was it about…” I hesitated, knowing Clark was there to hear it too. But it was nothing new to him either, so I said it. “Batman?”
“No” Bruce quickly replied, shaking his head. “Not just that”
I remained quiet, waiting to see if he had something else to say. But Bruce suddenly turned to Clark and began speaking.
“I let her go, and I don’t mean when I broke up with her” His words sounded sincere as his eyes held a great pain in them. “I mean before that, when I didn’t treat her like she deserves, when I neglected her instead of treasuring her”
“What’s your point?” Clark, perfectly aware of everything me and Bruce went through, was fast to step up for me.
“Don’t make the same mistake I did” Bruce, although heartbroken, knew better.
My happiness was more important for him, no matter how painful it was for him to see me with another man. And that was heartwarming, even if we weren’t together anymore. But it meant that he still cared, no matter how much we went through. No matter how many times we argued or even yelled at each other. He blamed himself, and he was sorry for everything that happened. That made me feel better, it gave me some sort of closure about our relationship. At last.
Bruce looked at me one last time and dedicated me a sad smile.
“I’m really sorry, Y/N, I never meant to hurt you” With that, he began to walk away.
I watched him, thinking back to us. About how hermetic he was, how he pushed me away and neglected me. Was it all to protect me? From Batman? From Bruce himself? I didn’t quite understand still, but it made me feel better to know he loved me after all. And that he was trying his best all along, even if it wasn’t enough.
“Go after him” Clark’s voice startled me a little, even if it was soft as usual.
“W-What?” I turned to my current boyfriend, astonished by his words.
“You love him, don’t you? Aren’t you gonna give him another chance after what he just said?”
“N-No… I don’t want to go back to him, to… what we had…”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. He had his chance and…” I sighed, somehow being still hurt by my decision even if I knew it was the right choice. “He wasted it”
I had given him many chances. I had forgiven him over and over again, no matter how many times he broke my heart. No matter how many times he broke up with me and came back crying and asking for forgiveness. Because I was blinded by love, until one day I realized I didn’t have to go through that pain. Until I realized how toxic we were to each other, how toxic our whole relationship truly was. And I didn’t want that anymore, no matter how much I loved him. Leaving him hurt, but it only hurt once.
“I know, but I wouldn’t like losing you” Clark muttered lowly, and I could see how much he empathized with Bruce. “If I made his mistakes…”
“But you didn’t” I cut him off, trying to show him why I chose him. “That’s the difference between him and you”
With Clark, things were easy. We had problems and disagreements and we weren’t perfect. But he tried harder for me, he apologized and learned from his mistakes. Bruce didn’t, he kept making the same mistakes once and again and breaking my heart to tiny pieces in the process. Clark was never like that, and he never pushed me away.
Clark frowned, saddened by my statement. It was a fact, but it didn’t leave Bruce in the best place. He was a good man, but Batman got in the way. And while Superman sometimes got in the way of Clark and me, it never broke us apart.