Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Just as Ryuunosuke was about to head out for the day, he noticed a letter poking out of his mailbox. He was in a bit of a hurry – Asougi got a little irritated when he showed up late – but he figured he had enough time to grab the envelope and take a look at it. It was strange. It was addressed to him, which was normal enough, but it was the handwriting that perplexed him. He immediately recognized it to be his own. He’d recognize that messy penmanship anywhere – the choppy strokes, the smeared ink… it was all uniquely his. Not only that, but in the top right corner where the return address should’ve been, the only thing written there was his own name. How could this letter be both to and from him? He’d think it to be a prank, though he couldn’t think of any friends who would do such a thing. Either way, he shook his head and stuffed the heavy envelope into his pocket. He had places he needed to be!

In just a few short days, he and Asougi were going to begin their long journey overseas to London. He was already mostly packed and ready to go – there was just one issue. The two of them needed to find a suitcase big enough to fit him inside of it. Ryuunosuke was to be a stowaway for two long months and they’d need to find a bag big enough to fit him inside – with room to spare for some of their things, too. No normal student owned a suitcase that large, so the two of them needed to find one, among other things. Ryuunosuke had read up a little on what London might be like. He’d like to get himself a new umbrella and maybe a raincoat before he left.

Ryuunosuke arrived at the fountain – their meeting spot – at eleven o’clock, just as Asougi had told him earlier. However, he was nowhere to be seen. Asougi wasn’t one to be late to anything, but at the very least this gave him some time to read the strange letter he had gotten. He sat down on a nearby bench and pulled out the envelope, tearing it open. Inside was an incredibly large stack of papers. He originally thought this was going to be some kind of prank, but frankly he couldn’t imagine any of his friends doing such a thing, and whoever sent him this clearly had a lot to say. He unfolded the large stack of papers and began to read the first one.

Dear Ryuunosuke,

Hello, Ryuu. Do you mind if I call you that? I know only close friends and family call you that, like our mother, but… is there anyone closer to you than yourself? Anyways, how are you doing, Ryuu? I realize this is going to sound strange, but I am writing you from sixteen years in the future. It’s currently 1916. That date must be pretty hard to imagine, huh? In just a few months’ time, I’m going to be forty. Even now, I can hardly believe it.

Ryuunosuke paused and read the paragraph over and over again. This had to be a prank, right? How else could this letter have reached him? However, despite his doubts, he kept reading.

I imagine you must not believe me. I wouldn’t believe this either if I were in your shoes, but it’s true. If you need proof that I am Ryuunosuke Naruhodou, I’m more than happy to provide it. I can tell you many things that only the two of us would know.

You have a birthmark on your right thigh. You think it looks like the silhouette a rabbit, but when Asougi saw it the first time you went to an onsen together, he thought it looked more like a mouse.

You found a stray cat on your walk home when you were ten years old and had already lovingly named her Yuki by the time your father told you that you couldn’t keep it. You cried yourself to sleep that night and wound up leaving food out for her every day until high school when she stopped showing up.

You tried on some of your mother’s old furisodes when you were thirteen, just to see what you would look like in them. You have yet to tell anyone about this, but you thought you looked lovely and your favorite was the deep blue one covered in ocean waves.

After you were acquitted for the murder of Professor Watson, everyone celebrated at Hosonaga-san’s restaurant and you and Asougi had too much to drink. He stayed the night at your house and he confessed that he had been terrified of losing you that day and was so, so happy that everything had worked out okay. He even began to tear up a little and you realized then just how much it broke your heart to see him cry and you hoped he never has a reason to weep again. He kissed you that night and you held him until he fell asleep. Asougi doesn’t remember any of this. You do.

Ryuunosuke’s face began to flush as he read the facts written out before him. He remembered all of the incidents clear as day and realized that the letter had to be telling the truth. As mentioned many times, he had yet to tell anyone about any of these occurrences. The only possible person who could know all of this was, indeed, himself.

It was that night you decided for certain that you would accompany him to London despite your doubts. You wanted to support him however you could and stay by his side.

Please, I am begging you, don’t forget that feeling.

He paused there. He wasn’t sure if this what future him had intended, but it stuck him as something of a warning. Why?

Anyways, I hope I have proven myself. By now I imagine you are wondering why I wrote you this letter. I hate to burden you with such troubles, but I’m afraid that I need your help. I don’t just know you, Ryuu. I know about your future, too. Because I lived it, and I’m still living it. However, I have many regrets. Now, I don’t want you to panic. I by no means have lived a miserable life. But I have many, many regrets that I would give anything in the world to erase. I don’t want you to suffer through the same mistakes I have. I can’t change my past. But yours… there’s still hope that things can be different for you, that you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did, that the world can be just a little bit lighter for you.

Please help me help you. Can you do that for me, Ryuu?

Now, I don’t want to overwhelm you… so we’ll take this one day at a time, all right?

On the next page, Ryuunosuke found today’s date, and below it were a list of events that would occur. He skimmed ahead and noticed that while some of the days ahead had been skipped, there were tons of days mentioned, some with long, long lists of what to do. He felt his heart race in his chest. The letter had told him not to panic, but that was simply what he was best at. What was going on? How in the world was any of this possible? And… regrets? What regrets? He knew it was impossible for anyone to live a completely perfect life, but… what would happen to him that was so devastating that he’d feel the need to go to such an extent to fix it? Despite his overwhelming anxiety, he decided to keep reading. He stashed most of the letter’s contents into his bag, but kept today’s piece of paper in his hand. One day at a time, he reminded himself. He began to read today’s events feverishly, hoping that the problem wasn’t as bad as his anxious heart was making it out to be and this could all be solved easily.

“What are you reading?”

Ryuunosuke just about screamed at the sound of Asougi’s voice and dropped the piece of paper in his hand, letting it fall to the ground beneath him. Asougi looked just as surprised as he was and backed off a little.

“Did I scare you?”

“What? No! I’m fine, promise!” Ryuunosuke replied quickly.

“Well, what were you reading?”

“Oh, nothing important. Just a shopping list is all.”

“That’s a really long shopping list…” Asougi knelt down to pick up the paper, but Ryuunosuke rushed down and beat him to it, before hastily stuffing it back into his bag with the rest of the letter’s contents. “Naruhodou…”

“What?!”

“What was that about?”

“Nothing! I just… um…” What was he supposed to say? He couldn’t possibly tell him the truth. There was no way he’d believe it, especially when he himself wasn’t sure if he quite believed it yet. “I had some ideas of what I might get you for your birthday on there, so…”

“My birthday? You know that’s not until July, right?”

“I know! But it doesn’t hurt to be prepared! Especially when we have no idea what will happen when we get to London.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Asougi said, for a moment looking the slightest bit uneasy. Ryuunosuke figured he must be nervous about traveling, too. “I guess that means I should get you something for your birthday, too. It’s in May, isn’t it?”

“Oh… yeah, that’s right.”

“Right, then. I’ll find you something too.”

“You don’t have to do that…”

“Nonsense. You’re doing it for me.”

“But – “

But it seemed Asougi had already made up his mind on the matter and had begun walking away, towards one of the many shops in the square. Ryuunosuke followed quickly behind him, letting out a sigh of relief. It seemed that Asougi believed his lie, at least for now. For a moment the two of them just walked in silence, and Ryuunosuke found himself thinking back on the letter nestled away in his bag. Asougi had cut him off before he had gotten very far, but he had read some of today’s events, and he found himself getting lost in them as he walked.

Today, Asougi is going to take you on a last minute shopping spree just before your trip to London. I really wished he had done so sooner, but oh well. He’s very good at seeing the final goal but not what it takes to get there, and this is much the same. Anyways, I’m rambling. He’s going to be late meeting you there.

“Asougi?”

“Yeah?”

“What took you? You’re not one to be late.”

“Oh…” He paused for a long moment, lost in thought. “I slept in a little. Sorry about that.”

He’s going to tell you that he slept in. To this day, I’m uncertain if that’s the truth or not. I hope it was. He really needs his rest, anyways.

“I hope you got some sleep.”

“Probably not as much as you did.” He said smugly.

“Whatever.”

The first thing he’s going to buy is a suitcase. He’s going to have a hard time choosing between two suitcases: one brown, one olive green. He eventually chooses the brown one. Please convince him to get the green one. He severely underestimates how tall you are and to this day I swear my back still hurts from forcing myself to fit inside.

Naruhodou kept his mouth shut as he watched Asougi peruse through the suitcases of various shapes or sizes. He was going to suggest the green suitcase from the start, but he found himself holding back, simply watching things play out. How accurate could this letter really be? It had been frighteningly accurate thus far, but he didn’t want to fall for it quite yet. He wanted to test the waters just a little bit more, so he followed behind Asougi obediently, waiting to see what he’d choose.

“Naruhodou?”

“Ah, yes?”

“Which of these two do you think would work better?” He gestured to two suitcases: one a deep brown, the other olive green. Naruhodou felt his heart skip a beat as he gazed at them; it really was as the letter said.

“Um… I’m not sure…” He found himself saying.

“I was leaning towards the brown one. It’s a bit cheaper… I think it should fit you?”

“It might...” Ryuunosuke lied, “but I’m not sure. I mean… I’m kind of tall.”

“No you’re not.”

“Yeah I am. I’m bigger than you think, you know.”

“Hmm…” Asougi smirked, then without a single word of warning he wrapped his arms around Naruhodou’s waist and lifted him up.

“Gggh! Asougi! What are you doing?!” Naruhodou gasped, his face growing red.

“See? I told you. Light as a feather.”

“My weight has nothing to do with my height, though!”

“Fair enough.” Asougi finally set him down with a laugh. “It’s up to you, then. I trust your instinct.”

“Th-thanks…” Ryuunosuke mumbled, still reeling from the sensation of Asougi’s arms wrapped around him. He pointed at the green one. “That one, then. Better safe than sorry, I think.”

Asougi goes to a bookstore for a little bit and asks you to wait outside with all the things we had gotten. It started to snow a little bit, so I wound up seeking refuge inside a small flower shop while I waited for him. This is going to sound strange, but I want you to get him a bouquet. I didn’t find out until years later that Asougi loves flowers. Susato-san informed me that he would always help her out in the garden when they were little. You don’t have to get him anything big or special, but I think the gesture will make him smile. And I want you to make him smile as much as you can. He really needs it.

Ryuunosuke blushed as he read the paragraph. Getting flowers for Asougi… wouldn’t that be a strange thing to do? Besides, he simply couldn’t imagine someone like Asougi wanting a bouquet of flowers. It just didn’t fit him, and he could easily imagine Asougi laughing at the very idea. But… would it really hurt? In the worst-case scenario he’d just turn it down, and then he’d have a spontaneous gift for his mother. Besides, if it really was as the letter said… then it’d just be something that brings a smile to Asougi’s face. And that, he figured, was worth the embarrassment. He finally swallowed his doubts and headed into the store and bought a beautiful bouquet of multicolored flowers. By the time he returned he found Asougi had already brought his books and was flipping through one of them idly.

“Naruhodou?” Asougi asked, shutting his book. “What are those for?”

“Oh… um…” Ryuunosuke began to glance around nervously, trying to come up with something to say. It suddenly occurred to him that the letter never gave him an answer to that question and he felt his heart racing. “It’s… um, it’s for you.” He ducked his head down quickly so he wouldn’t have to look at Asougi and kept talking. “I just… I don’t know, I wanted to give you something for good fortune on your trip! Or – or success, I guess? One of these flowers has to represent that, I’m sure! Um… yeah…”

Asougi didn’t say anything and Ryuunosuke could feel himself sweating as he stared at the ground below him.

“If you don’t want it, that’s fine! I know it’s a strange gift! I just thought that… maybe you’d like it…”

He finally dared to look up and found Asougi staring back at him with wide eyes, his cheeks a little red. He ran his hand through his hair anxiously before finally speaking.

“I’ll take them.”

“Huh?”

“The flowers,” he said, “I’ll take them.”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to if you don’t – ”

“I already said I’d take them. Just give them to me before I change my mind.”

“Okay…”

He handed the bouquet to Asougi, who took it with both hands. He grabbed ahold of the flowers gingerly, carefully, as if they were made of glass and might shatter at even the slightest harsh movement. It struck Ryuunosuke as odd. He never figured Asougi as one to be careful or gentle. It suddenly made him wonder what it would feel like to hold his hand. He thought about this a lot, many times before now, in fact. He had always thought that Asougi would hold his hand in a firm, tight grip, but now he was beginning to wonder if that was the case. Now he could picture Asougi holding his hand softly, lacing their fingers together gently, and holding it as if it were something precious, and…

Ryuunosuke shook his head quickly, trying to get the thought out of his mind. If he kept thinking like this he might just give himself a heart attack!

“It seems you weren’t completely off.” Asougi said abruptly.

“Huh?”

“You said that there had to be flowers in here that meant fortune and success. You weren’t entirely wrong.”

“I wasn’t?”

“No.” He grazed his hand against the soft petals of the flowers and pointed them out, one by one. “Alstroemeria means good fortune and statices can mean success.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good. I just chose the one I liked best.” Ryuunosuke said. “What do the others mean?”

“Well… gladiolus represents honor or faithfulness. Purple irises are for wisdom. And red carnations… they mean love.”

“Oh, neat.” Ryuunosuke was so caught up in Asougi’s clear, expansive knowledge on the matter that it took him a moment for it to register what he said. He blushed heavily. “Love?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, wow!” He exclaimed, a little too loudly. “That’s interesting!”

“Naruhodou,” Asougi smirked, and leaned in closer, “is there something I should be reading into here?”

“What? No! Of course not!” Ryuunosuke stammered, even though it was the truth, intentionally or not. “L-like I said! I just picked out a bouquet I thought you’d like! That’s it!”

“I know, I know.” He laughed. “I’m just picking on you. I know that’s all there is to it.”

It really wasn’t, but Ryuunosuke kept his mouth shut rather than embarrass himself further. 

“I don’t know anything about flowers and their meanings.” Ryuunosuke finally said, trying to change the subject. “But you seem to be an expert. Where did you learn all of this?”

“That’s not important.” Asougi said quickly, his eyes darting away for a second.

“But…”

“Let’s get lunch, Naruhodou.” As if to make a point, he began to stroll away. “We’ve been running errands for awhile.”

“Oh, all right.” He admittedly was hungry. And he supposed it was only fair to drop the subject, seeing how he hadn’t been entirely honest today, either.

“And Naruhodou?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for the flowers.” He smiled at him, and Ryuunosuke found himself smiling back. Asougi’s smile was always so beautiful, and it was hard not to return it. He thought about what the letter had told him, and now felt relieved that he had listened to it. Honestly, anything was worth being able to see Asougi’s lovely smile.

Ryuunosuke had so much fun out with Asougi that day that he completely forgot about the letter until he arrived home late that night. After putting all his things away he had all but collapsed onto his futon and tossed his bags to the side, the large letter flying out onto the floor. He quickly went to go get it. He hadn’t gotten to read any of it since the last bit with the flowers, seeing how he hadn’t had a moment apart from Asougi the whole day until now. He skimmed over the events of today that he missed. It was mostly simple, straightforward stuff. The letter told him about the rabbit he would try and fail to feed, and it mentioned that Asougi’s hachimaki almost blew away but thankfully a little girl chased it down for them and returned it, and it told him that when they had parted ways for the night Asougi had been smiling as he said goodbye, which had been true this time save for him cradling the bouquet of flowers close to his chest. There wasn’t a lot that needed to be changed, it seemed. Ryuunosuke smiled; if it were as simple as this, then perhaps the future and his regrets weren’t as frightening as he had worried them to be. Perhaps his future self was just extremely sentimental and wanted to make a joyous past even happier.

However, at the bottom of the page beneath a recount of his and Asougi’s happy goodbye, there was a long message. It read:

I promise most days won’t be so wordy. I consider my memory to be very good, but there are just simply some days I don’t remember that well, or where there isn’t much I want you to change. Today, technically, was one of those days. I can live my life just fine having never given Asougi those flowers or with back pains every once in awhile. I just wanted to be able to prove to you that this isn’t fake, that I truly am you from the future, and that I know precisely what lies ahead of you. I sincerely hope you believe me, Ryuu.

He did. He believed this letter to be his from the moment it mentioned his kiss with Asougi and he believed all its predictions the moment Asougi had asked him to choose between two suitcases. He continued reading; completely and utterly invested.

Now that you know the truth, I need to tell you why I really sent you these letters. I wouldn’t have gone out of my way to send this to you if my biggest regret in life was not giving my crush some flowers. There’s something far more important that I want you… no, I need you to do.

Ryuu, in the future I’m living in, Kazuma Asougi is no longer with us.

Ryuunosuke clutched at the letter hard, and sat up abruptly, his blood running cold.

He will die just a couple of months before his twenty-fifth birthday. This is what I need your help with. This is why I sent these letters. Asougi’s death is entirely preventable; I learned this the hard way. But if things don’t change, his fate will be sealed. I don’t want you to become me. I don’t want you to have to live a life full of regrets and I don’t want you to have to live in a world where your dearest friend is gone forever.

Please help me save him, Ryuu. That is my only wish.

Chapter Text

Ryuu, I’m going to ask you a question you may think you know the answer to, but I’m sorry to inform you that you do not:

How much do you really know about Kazuma Asougi?

“Naruhodou? Are you okay?” Asougi whispered, trying to keep his voice quiet. They had been running a few last minute errands before their departure tomorrow and were sitting on a train, heading back home. As had happened many times before, Ryuunosuke was having a hard time staying awake. He didn’t respond to Asougi’s words, his mind elsewhere, as his heavy eyelids threatened to close.

“Hey, Naruhodou…” Asougi grabbed his arm and shook him a little. Ryuunosuke still didn’t react but he found himself leaning into Asougi’s touch until he rested his head upon shoulder. Asougi let him and just huffed out a sigh before turning his attention back to the window.

It was then, as he felt warm and comfortable against Asougi’s body that he realized that this wouldn’t last forever. He shot back up quickly, and returned his gaze forward, ignoring Asougi’s quizzical glance at him. He had no time to doze off and rest! He needed to focus! After all…

Ryuu, in the future I’m living in, Kazuma Asougi is no longer with me.

Those words repeated themselves in Ryuunosuke’s head, just as they had all night long the night before as he tossed and turned in bed, desperately trying to sleep but simply being unable to do so. He had put down the letter after he read that passage. He knew he should probably read ahead and prepare himself, but he simply couldn’t. Not yet, at least. It was too overwhelming. He wanted to relax, to sleep, to have some time to process this… but it seemed he would have no such luck and wound up staying up the whole night worrying about it.

Asougi was going to die.

Asougi was going to die.

Asougi was going to die, and that was all he could think about. How? Why? What in the world was going to happen to him? Ryuunosuke found himself at the brink of tears just thinking about it. The letter had told him that Asougi’s death was entirely preventable. That meant that something horrible was going to happen to him. An accident, an illness… Ryuunosuke began to tremble as he gazed at his friend once more and realized that the possibility of him being killed was also very likely. How could he sleep or focus on anything or function at all when he knew that?

Even after they got off the train and the sun began to set, he still didn’t feel much better. He knew he should; after all, his trip to England with Asougi was tomorrow. Shouldn’t he be excited? Even if he’d have to shove himself into a suitcase to get there, the fact of the matter remained that it’d be just as Asougi said: the two of them would have a blast in the queen’s kingdom and they would be happy. Right?

You’re probably itching to know when Asougi is going to die, and how. I understand that, so I will give you a date: May 21^st, 1901, just about a year after his abroad trip truly begins. For now, that is all I’m going to give you. I understand that you may be frustrated, and there is nothing stopping you from reading ahead, but Ryuu, I want you to look at the big picture. Rather than upsetting yourself by worrying about that day and that day alone, I need you to focus on what will cause it. It’s not just some freak accident that can be prevented from being in the right place at the right time. Rather, there are multiple tragedies that will lead to it happening. I truly believe it can be prevented a great deal before the fact.

“Naruhodou, are you feeling all right?” Asougi asked, as the two of them began to walk towards home. Ryuunosuke gazed up at him with tired, frightened eyes and said nothing for a moment. Usually this was when Asougi would say something snarky about how lazy he was for always being so sleepy, but even he seemed to realize that there was something about his exhaustion today that was different then normal. Asougi reached out to him, placing his warm hand upon his shoulder, and smiled at him, albeit anxiously. Usually his smile cheered Ryuunosuke up in a heartbeat, but today it simply did not. After all, he thought about what he had read about him and it put his best friend’s saddened smile into a completely new light.

I know he doesn’t act like it, but Asougi has suffered greatly. Several tragedies have plagued his life; some that I regret to inform you happened long before you met him, and you simply can’t erase these. They will be a part of him forever.

“I’m fine, Asougi.” Ryuunosuke said finally. “What about you, though?”

“Why in the world are you asking about me? I swear, you worry too much.”

“And you don’t worry enough.” Ryuunosuke stared at Asougi’s smile, wondering what secrets lay behind it. He shook his head; now wouldn’t be the time to bring up tragedies he only knew about from reading them. “It’s nothing. I’m fine, I just had a hard time falling asleep last night.”

“Are you nervous for the trip tomorrow?”

“You could say that.”

“Well, don’t be! You should be excited. I know I am!”

He smiled, though for a moment, his eyes darted to the ground. Ryuunosuke couldn’t help but wonder… was he really?

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am. Naruhodou, I’ve worked towards this my whole life. It’s like a dream come true.”

Do you know the real reason why Asougi’s so determined to go to England?

“Hey Asougi,” Ryuunosuke asked, “why do you want to go to England so badly?”

“Doesn’t everyone dream of traveling the world?”

“Aside from that.”

“Well…” He paused for a moment. “I want to be the best defense attorney the world has ever seen. I can’t imagine myself doing that with how broken our system here is. I’d like to see the way the world of law works in the west, too. I’m sure the more perspectives I learn about, the more I can help people and fix the system back here. That’s what I want to do.”

A convincing answer. So convincing Ryuunosuke found himself wondering if any part of it were true.

He’s actually going to solve a long-forgotten mystery; something to do with his family.

Ryuunosuke and Asougi stopped when they reached a fork in the road. This is where they met up and parted every morning and every afternoon before and after school. Ryuunosuke lived east, Asougi north. Or at the very least that’s what Asougi had told him. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t actually know where Asougi lived. And he was beginning to realize that it was no coincidence that he had never told him.

“Hey, Naruhodou….” Asougi said. “I know you’re tired, but I was wondering… would you like to have dinner together tonight?”

“Huh?”

“It’s our last night here, after all. Why not celebrate that? Besides, I’m going to miss the food here once we arrive in England. I heard their food’s disgusting. Maybe we can make gyuunabe or something.”

Tonight, Asougi is going to invite you to have dinner with him. Back then, I turned him down. I was a mess of nerves before the trip and wanted to sleep and make sure I had everything ready. I came to regret this once we disembarked and spent everyday eating half-portions and near starving. I want you to accept.

“Like I said,” Asougi continued when Ryuunosuke said nothing, “we don’t have to. You do seem rather exhausted.”

“No, it’s fine. Let’s do it. Besides, I can sleep all I want when I spend everyday stuck in a closet.”

“I promise I’ll let you out as often as I can.”

“My back is already beginning to hurt.” But despite his complaint he smiled.

The two of them went into town, towards the marketplace, to pick up some ingredients for dinner. Asougi went all out; it seemed as though he was planning a New Year’s feast rather than a simple dinner for two. But Ryuunosuke let him splurge without interruption. He thought about what his letter had warned him and determined it wouldn’t kill them to overeat tonight. After all was said and done, they headed back to Ryuunosuke’s home.

Despite being the one to invite you, I guarantee Asougi is going to ask to go to your house. He was always like that; whenever he wanted to spend time with me to study together or simply just have fun, he always insisted on meeting at school or at my home. It wasn’t until months later that I found out why. Don’t question this for now.

Ryuunosuke reread the page with today’s events at the table while Asougi worked away in the kitchen. It had brought up several good points he had never thought about before. How much did he know about Asougi? Now that it was pointed out, he realized it was true: the answer was hardly a thing. While the two of them got along swimmingly, they didn’t talk about themselves or their problems all that much. And when they did, it was always Ryuunosuke doing all the talking. It wasn’t that he meant to make everything about him; it was just that Asougi always seemed to be the one asking how his family was doing, if he was feeling all right, what was on his mind today… and he was so good at keeping the conversation going that Ryuunosuke would forget to return the question.

Asougi finally returned from the kitchen, setting the massive hotpot down on the table. He really did go all out today; aside from the large pot of stew, he had made cakes, as well. Green tea for himself, chocolate for Ryuunosuke. They were decorated too, with little swirls and borders of frosting. Ryuunosuke found it puzzling. Asougi didn’t strike him as someone who could bake, let alone cook. At school, the two of them would typically go to the cafeteria for lunches, but on the days they’d serve chicken, Asougi usually brought his own bento from home. They were always so intricate; Ryuunosuke would always comment on how cute they were, what with the little carrots cut up to resemble flowers. Ryuunosuke had always figured that perhaps Asougi’s mother made them, or someone else in the family who did. Now he realized he had likely made them himself. It would explain why he got so curt whenever Ryuunosuke called them cute.

“Thanks for the food.” Ryuunosuke said. He took a bite, and as expected, it was delicious. “Asougi, this is great! I didn’t know you could cook!”

“You can’t?” Asougi replied smugly.

“N-no…” Quick as always, he thought. “My mother likes to cook, so I never really learned how…”

“What are you going to do when you’re on your own?”

“Are you implying that I won’t always have you there?”

“You never know.” Asougi replied, adding more noodles and tofu to his plate. Ryuunosuke suddenly felt tremendously guilty. He had meant it as a joke, or perhaps if he was bolder, then maybe even a flirtatious remark. But knowing what he did about Asougi’s fate only made his response all the more somber.

“Anyways,” he said quickly, “where did you learn how to cook, Asougi?”

“Oh, I taught myself, mostly. I got a few pointers from my mom when I was little, but for the most part I’m self-taught.”

“Wow, that’s amazing! It’s really good!”

“Thanks, but it’s nowhere near as good as hers; I promise you that.”

It suddenly occurred to Ryuunosuke that this was the most he had heard Asougi talk about his mother before and his thoughts wandered back to what the letter had said about today.

Ryuu, how much do you know about Asougi’s family? I’m guessing nothing at all. Even today, I still don’t know all that much. I want you to ask him about it. It’s going to be awkward, and there’s a chance he may even get mad at you, but I want you to get him to talk about them. I think it will help him in the long run.

“Asougi,” Ryuunosuke asked nervously, “what’s she like?”

“Huh?”

“Your mother, I mean. I’ve never met her, and you hardly ever talk about her. Your father, too.”

Asougi stopped eating, and wound up letting a piece of beef slide from his chopsticks and land on his plate. For a moment he just stared at Ryuunosuke, looking a little pale. It made Ryuunosuke’s blood run cold.

I don’t know how much he will tell you. I’m guessing not a lot. Thankfully, I can fill you in a little bit.

“I guess,” Asougi began quietly, “I’ve never brought them up, have I? My mother… her name, um, it’s Sayaka.”

His mother’s name was Sayaka. She was a seamstress that made beautiful kimonos. She was also an artist who liked to paint on her spare time, and taught Asougi how to draw.

“And my father… well, his name is Genshin.”

His father’s name was Genshin. He was training to be a detective in England. He was a skilled swordsman; everything Asougi knows about it he learned from him and he gave him Karuma.

“They’re both really nice, I guess.”

They’re both gone now.

“There’s not really a lot to say about them.”

Genshin was murdered in England during a travel abroad trip.

“They’re uh... both busy with work a lot, so I don’t see them that often.”

Sayaka fell ill and died not too long after that.

“I guess that’s why I don’t talk about them very much.”

Asougi was fourteen when this all happened. Professor Mikotoba then took him in and he’s been living there ever since.

Asougi stopped at that, and stuck his chopsticks back into the large hotpot, poking at the food idly but not actually adding any more to his plate. It seemed even the quick-witted Asougi couldn’t come up with a believable lie when it came to something so painful. Ryuunosuke wanted nothing more in that moment than to reach out and hold him, but he remained still, simply staring at him sadly as he picked at his own food.

This is the tragedy that has plagued Asougi’s heart for a decade. Even though he was a child, and even though it was all out of his control, he blames himself for it. He feels immense guilt for being the only Asougi left, and he puts it upon himself to solve his father’s murder. That’s the only way he feels he can forgive himself and make things right for his family.

I wish I could have found some way to prevent that from happening. No one should have been forced to live such an unhappy childhood. I would give the world if I could turn back time and stop those tragedies from happening. But I simply cannot, and neither can you. I can’t cure the sick, and I can’t prevent a crime that happened halfway around the world when I was just a child, too. As sad as it is that pain will weigh heavy on Asougi’s shoulders his whole life.

But I think you can help him. I want you to save him, Ryuu, but I also want you to help make his life even the slightest bit better while he’s living it. You might be able to help ease that pain, at least a little. I didn’t find out about any of this until much, much later. I think if he had someone to talk to, things would have been better for him along the line. I want you to convince him to open up to you.

Ryuunosuke knew what the letter had told him to do; he had reread today’s entry multiple times. But it was far easier said than done. It wasn’t until now that he realized just how closed off his dear friend was. How in the world was he supposed to break down the walls that surrounded him when he had only just now realized they existed? But still, he’d have to try. He’d swallow his anxiety if it meant possibly saving his life.

“Asougi?”

“What?”

“You… um…” He gulped. “You said your parents are always busy with work, right? What do they do?”

“Oh.” Asougi seemed to relax a little bit at the change of subject. “My father didn’t – er, doesn’t talk a lot about his work. He’s a detective, though. I think he was legally obligated not to tell me very much about the cases he worked on, but the idea of it still fascinated me. He’s part of the reason I went into law. I always figured I could work with him one day.”

He sighed at that and said nothing more. Ryuunosuke realized pretty quickly that continuing to talk about his father in particular probably wasn’t the best.

“And your mother?”

“She was – is – a seamstress. She used to make all sorts of kimono patterns. She made a bunch of different designs but her favorites were always floral designs. She’s the reason I know so much about flowers.”

“That’s really cool.”

“It was. I remember when I was little, my favorite one was this maroon one she had made, covered in butterflies and chrysanthemums. I liked it so much that she wound up letting me keep it.”

“You kept a girl’s kimono?”

“Is that a problem?”

“N-no, it’s not!” Ryuunosuke stammered. “I bet you looked nice in it.”

“I looked damn nice in it.” Asougi replied smugly. “I wonder if I still have it somewhere? It might be at my old home…”

“Old home?”

“Oh.” Asougi stopped abruptly. “It’s nothing.” He quickly added more food to his plate and kept eating, clearly hoping Ryuunosuke wouldn’t notice it. For an attorney he wasn’t very good at keeping his story straight. But he supposed Asougi wasn’t planning on having anyone ever interrogate him about this.

“It’s okay, Asougi.”

“Huh?”

“I know you live with Professor Mikotoba. You don’t have to hide it from me.”

“How… who told you?”

“You did.” Ryuunosuke supposed it wasn’t entirely a lie. Chances are his older self had learned that from Asougi, eventually. But for now, he'd have to make something up. “When we got drunk after my trial you told me a little about what happened to your parents and… yeah.”

“Oh… I see.” He looked sickened all of a sudden, and pushed his plate away. “I’m sorry about that, Naruhodou.”

“Why? I don’t mind.”

“It’s not something I should have had to burden you with.”

“It’s not a problem for me, Asougi. If it’s been such a burden for you, I don’t mind hearing about it. I’d like to help.”

He smiled, though it seemed to do little for Asougi’s nerves. Asougi looked pale and conflicted, looking anywhere but at him. He looked as if he were about to say something more, but ultimately decided against it and stood up abruptly.

“Asougi?”

“I’m going to go home.”

“But why?” He stood up, too. “Asougi, we haven’t even gotten to dessert – ”

“I’m sorry, Naruhodou. I’m just not feeling well.” He said, putting his coat on. He stopped at the door and glanced back, anxiously. “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow, all right?”

He was lying, and Ryuunosuke knew it. But what could he possibly say? What could he possibly do? Asougi was already clearly uncomfortable, and he didn’t want to push him any further. He took a deep breath and thought about what the letter told him.

It’s not an easy thing for Asougi to talk about. Like I mentioned before, I still don’t know everything, even now. He lived with Susato-san for years and even she didn’t know the truth until she was nearly eighteen. There’s a chance he might shut you down. There’s a chance he might change the subject. There’s a chance he might find a reason leave.

No matter what happens, I want you to make sure that he knows he can talk to you. Even if he won’t right now, I think knowing that you will help him if he needs it will make him feel better.

“Asougi – ” Ryuunosuke followed Asougi outside and grabbed his hand before he could get too far and thankfully, Asougi didn’t shake him away.

He stood still, and waited for him to speak. “Um… I don’t want you to force you to do anything. So… I’m sorry if I pressured you to talk or something. I know it must be painful for you to have to talk about such things. But…. Just know that I’m here if you ever want to talk about anything. I want to help you, if I can.”

Asougi just stared at him for a moment, but then he smiled; that beautiful, warm smile that never failed to melt Ryuunosuke’s heart.

“Thank you, Naruhodou. I’ll come to you if I need it.”

He gave his hand a final, gentle squeeze before walking away and Ryuunosuke watched him leave until he disappeared in the darkness of the night.

He supposed that was all he could hope for, for now.

Chapter Text

Ryuunosuke went to sleep that night, feeling anxious just as he had the night before, and as he assumed he would feel from now on until he changed Asougi’s fate. He knew he should get some rest; tomorrow was their great departure. Asougi would likely be at his house before the sun rose so he could stuff him in his suitcase then return to Mikotoba’s home as if he had been there the whole time. It was going to be a long, long day. But at the very least, he didn’t have to do much for now. The only thing the letter said about tomorrow was that he should go to the bathroom ahead of time; he would be stuck in that suitcase for an extremely long time before Asougi was finally left alone in his cabin. He was already dreading it.

He rolled over onto his side for what felt like the billionth time, though he knew it would not make him fall asleep any faster nor quell his anxiety. Honestly, he was considering just staying up and reading the letter ahead. He had no doubt it would overwhelm him just like it said it would, but at lest he’d be prepared for whatever was going to come next. He sat up to go retrieve it from his bag but stopped when he heard a faint tapping against his window. He strolled over to it groggily just as another pebble clattered against it. When Ryuunosuke looked outside, he found Asougi standing not too far away, with another pebble in hand, ready to throw.

“Asougi…?” Ryuunosuke mumbled to himself. Once Asougi noticed he was staring at him he stopped, and gestured for him to open the window. Ryuunosuke did so, and leaned his head outside. “Asougi, what are you doing?”

“Move over.”

“Huh?”

“I’m coming in, so move over.”

“B-but…”

But it was too late and Asougi had already kicked his leg upon the windowsill so Ryuunosuke backed up so he could come inside. He brought the whole suitcase with him too, and it fell to the ground with a clatter.

“Asougi, why are you – ”

“Sorry for the noise.”

“Why didn’t you just use the front door? Like a normal person?”

“I didn’t want to wake your parents.”

“They’re not here. They’re visiting my grandmother. Weren’t you wondering where they were at dinner?”

Asougi paused and glanced at the door for a moment, waiting silently to hear some other noise in the house but of course, as expected, there was nothing but silence.

“Oh, okay.” He finally said. Without another word he took his cloak off and hung it next to Ryuunosuke’s. Then he proceeded to kneel down and take off his shoes. It was only then that Ryuunosuke realized that Asougi had come all the way here in his sleepwear and he looked a little frazzled, his thick mop of hair sticking up in random places, as if he had just woken up. Why in the world was he here?

“Uh, Asougi?”

“What?” He asked, placing his shoes neatly in the corner. It seemed he was making himself at home already, and that just confused him even more.

“It’s really late; why are you here?”

“Oh, well... It just occurred to me that we never ate our cake.”

“Oh? Uh… yeah, we didn’t.”

“You want to do that now?”

“Asougi…” He glanced to the side, at his clock placed upon his desk. “You know it’s nearly one in the morning, right?”

“Oh. So it is.”

“Why are you actually here?”

“Well part of it is actually the cake. I worked hard on that, you know.” He looked nervous for a moment and sighed. “Naruhodou, I thought about what you told me and… I think I’d like to take you up on your offer. Can I stay?”

Ryuunosuke paused for a moment. The letter hadn’t said anything about this. Was it because he had offered to listen to Asougi? Could the future already be starting to change? Even if this had just been a simple whim on Asougi’s part, Ryuunosuke smiled anyways.

“Oh, of course you can stay. I’m happy to have you here.”

Ryuunosuke brought the cakes back to his room, where he found Asougi had already made himself comfortable and was sitting on Ryuunosuke’s futon. He had stolen one of the many blankets from Ryuunosuke’s closet and had wrapped it around himself tightly. He looked cold; Ryuunosuke wondered just how freezing it must be out tonight. Now that he thought about it, he recalled it had snowed a little earlier. Asougi must have been truly desperate to say something if he had walked here in that.

Or perhaps he just hadn’t thought things through. Asougi really was just as impulsive as he was smart, after all.

“Did you want me to make us some tea?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You look a little cold.”

“I’m fine,” he said again, pulling the blanket a bit tighter around himself, “I’ll warm up in a minute.”

For a moment Ryuunosuke considered wrapping his arms around him to help but he held back for now, not wanting to make things any stranger. He sat down next to him and finally handed him his cake.

“So what did you want to talk about, Asougi?”

“Hmm.” He mumbled, taking a bite out of his cake. “You said I told you about my family, right?”

“Oh… yeah, that’s right.”

“How much did I tell you?”

“Well…” Ryuunosuke always felt weird lying but it seemed he’d have no other choice. Who in their right mind would believe a strange letter that had magically gotten to him from the future had told him secrets about his dearest friend? “Uh... not much. You were really drunk and I offered to walk you home. I asked where it was and you told me you lived with Professor Mikotoba. I asked why and you said your parents were gone. You fell asleep without ever actually telling me his address so I just gave up and let you stay here, so that’s all I know.”

“Hmm.” He said again. “That was stupid of me.”

“Like I said, I don’t really mind.”

“I’ve never told anyone that. Not even Judicial Assistant Mikotoba-san. And I’ve known her since she was only seven years old. I guess even while drunk I really must trust you.”

Naruhodou thought about the kiss he had with Asougi and just nodded.

“I-I guess so.”

”…I suppose,” Asougi sighed, “that I’d have to tell you about this sooner or later. Naruhodou, my parents are… um, they’re dead.”

Ryuunosuke knew this already, but he wasn’t about to let on. He rested his hand upon Asougi’s, and stroked it idly.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Asougi.”

“It’s... fine.” Asougi drew his hand away. It clearly wasn’t. “My dad, he… he was like me. He went on an abroad trip to London when I was really little. He never came back.”

“What… um, if you don’t mind me asking, what happened to him?”

Asougi glanced at him again, looking pale and uneasy just as he had at dinner beforehand. For a moment Ryuunosuke worried that he’d drop the whole thing and leave again, but he just shook his head.

“If you’re going to come with me to London, you’re going to find this out eventually. My father was executed.”

“Executed?” Ryuunosuke gulped. That’s not what the letter said.

“Yes. He was wrongly accused of murder and he paid for their lazy mistake with his life.”

“Asougi… I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

It’s not yours either, he thought, but did not say.

“My mom took care of me alone after he died. Well, I guess we kind of took care of each other. She fell ill and… um… she passed away not even a whole year later.” He had long since finished his cake and laid back on Ryuunosuke’s futon with a heavy sigh. “Now you know where I learned how to cook, I guess. I wasn’t going to make her do it when she could hardly move.”

The cake in Ryuunosuke’s mouth suddenly tasted incredibly bitter. It was delicious still, but now that he knew why Asougi was so skilled it made his heart feel heavy. He put the cake down on his desk and joined Asougi on the futon.

“Asougi, I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine how horrible that must have been for you. If there’s anything I can do to – ”

“Don’t try to comfort me, Naruhodou.”

“Why not?”

“I haven’t done anything to earn it.”

“Oh, come on. You shouldn’t have to earn – ”

“Yet. I haven’t done anything to earn it yet. Haven’t you wondered why I’m so adamant about going to London? After my parents passed away, I received a letter from a family member of one of the victim’s that my father supposedly killed. It informed me of my father’s crimes and told me that my family would forever be cursed. I refuse to let that be all that the Asougi name is known for. I’m going to solve my father’s case. I want to do something right by my family. I… I have to.”

Ryuunosuke knew about this already, but hearing it still made his blood run cold. He could hear the passion, the desperation, in his voice and it sent a chill down his spine. He had been dealing with this for how long? Nearly ten years now? That was no way to live his life! Ryuunosuke tried to imagine what his own life was like ten years ago, and he couldn’t think of anything that even remotely resembled Asougi’s. He spent his early teenaged years going to class and spending time with friends and his parents and while he always worried because that was just who he was, he’d worry over simple, childish things like whether or not he’d eventually grow as tall as his classmates or if he’d be able to pass his entrance exams and what he was having for dinner tonight because he always seemed to be hungry. Looking back on it, those worries were so mundane, so simple. Worrying about such frivolous things was a luxury that Asougi didn’t get to have, and he couldn’t imagine such an awful weight upon his shoulders. If he had lost his parents that young, if he had had his whole life turned upside down when he was only just beginning to grow up, if he felt as though he was cursed just for existing, it might just be enough to break him. It was a miracle, he realized, that it hadn’t been enough to break Asougi.

“Naruhodou?”

“Y-yes?”

“Do you think I’ll be able to do it?”

“Huh?”

“I kept going everyday by telling myself that I’d be able to do it. That when the time finally came, I’d be able to save my father, I’d be able to resolve everything that had happened. But now that it’s here… what if I fail? Could a fraud like me really...?”

“Asougi…”

Ryuunosuke rolled onto his side to face him. Asougi was looking away, his eyes on the window, staring listlessly at the cloudy night sky. Ryuunosuke had never seen him this uncertain before, this anxious. Even that night he had seen him weep; it had been more so from relief than fear. He felt stupid now for thinking that Asougi was perfect and that nothing ever got under his skin. Now that he thought about it, Asougi had been calling himself a fraud for a while now, hadn’t he? Ryuunosuke remembered him calling himself that during that trial just a few weeks ago now. Ryuunosuke just hadn’t noticed because he had seemed so unfazed, and said it so nonchalantly, like it was a joke or a fleeting comment. Asougi truly thought of himself as such, didn’t he?

“Asougi, it’ll be okay.” He finally said, gripping his shoulder gently. “You’re going to make your parents proud; I just know it.”

Asougi finally turned to meet his gaze and said nothing for a moment, a terrible look crossing his face. He looked wide-eyed and pale, staring at Ryuunosuke as if he didn’t even know him. But as quickly as it came it had passed and abruptly, he laughed.

“Naruhodou,” he said, “you sound like my mother.”

“I do?”

“Yeah. She was always telling me that, you know. She’d always tell me to make her proud when I headed out to school in the morning.” He sighed. “It was the last thing she ever said to me, actually. The day she died… I had been ditching class a lot to stay home with her. She was like you; she didn’t like hospitals. So she wound up staying at home and had a nurse take care of her a couple times a week. The rest of the time, I did. She didn’t like me missing that much school, so she insisted that I go that day anyways. I… really wish I hadn’t done that. But you can’t really fight with your mother, can you? She told me, make me proud, Kazuma. And by the time I got home, she was already… yeah. I just hope I’m able to fulfill her wish someday.”

Ryuunosuke brought his hand to his mouth, trying his hardest not to cry. He was an emotional, imaginative person and he couldn’t help but picture Asougi, still just a boy, coming home to find his only family left in the world gone for good. How could anyone go through something so horrible? He must have been so lonely, so terrified… It was no wonder Asougi was so defensive about the subject of his parents, and it was no wonder he couldn’t talk about it. Ryuunosuke was nearly a weeping mess just hearing about it. How numb must Asougi have forced himself to be to be able to talk about this at all? To live everyday acting like it hadn’t happened, or it didn’t bother him? Ryuunosuke had never once doubted that Asougi was a strong person, but now he realized he knew very little of just how strong he really was.

“Ah, look at what I’ve done.” Asougi muttered. He reached out and wiped Ryuunosuke’s tears away with his thumb. “Making you cry like this… I’m sorry, Naruhodou.”

“N-no, it’s okay.” He replied, shaking his head. “I get emotional easily. It’s not your fault.”

“I am being rather gloomy.”

“And I’m the one who wanted to hear it. I don’t mind, honest. I want to listen.”

“Well, there’s not much more to add. My parents are gone and I’m going to England for their sake. I’ve never really told anyone this but you.”

“Did telling me make you feel any better at least?”

“Hmm.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “I think so. But I imagine I’ll feel much better if I’m able to solve – “

“When.”

“Huh?”

“You should say when you’re able to, Asougi.” Ryuunosuke said firmly.

“What makes you so certain though? Aren’t you the one always worrying?”

“Usually, yes. But this is different. I just know you’ll be able to do it.” And it was true. After all, why would his letter call Genshin’s death a murder when Asougi said execution? That discrepancy must mean that something different had happened; that there was a contradiction in that case and he had no doubt that Asougi would be the one to bring it to light. “You’re going to be able to solve your father’s case, I just know it. So don’t say if, say when. Because I’m certain you’re going to make your parents so, so proud; that is, if you haven’t already.”

“Naruhodou…” For a moment he looked as if he were going to cry too, but the moment soon passed and he smiled at him gently. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Asougi.”

“It seems I made the right choice in choosing you as my friend.”

“H-huh?”

“Do you know why I came here, Naruhodou? It’s because I couldn’t sleep. That probably sounds silly, doesn’t it?”

“No, I don’t think so. I mean… I couldn’t sleep either. I was too anxious about what might happen next.”

“Oh, don’t worry so much. I promise I’ll keep you hidden. No one’s going to find out.”

Ryuunosuke didn’t know how to tell him that his own safety wasn’t what he was worried about.

“This is something I’ve been looking forward to my whole life. It’s my dream. Shouldn’t I be happy? Excited? But I wound up just staring at the ceiling all night thinking of all the things that could go wrong instead.”

“Story of my life.” Ryuuosuke muttered.

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Asougi laughed. “But somehow just talking to you has made me feel much better. I think I might actually be able to fall asleep now.”

“Are you implying that I’m an exhausting person to talk to?”

“No, it’s not that. You’re just a very comfortable person to be around.”

“O-oh.” Naruhodou blushed. Of course the one time he tried to make a joke Asougi had to go and turn it around on him. “Thanks…”

“Think nothing of it,” Asougi said with a yawn, “I’m just being honest.”

“Still…”

Things were silent for a moment. Asougi shut his eyes, seemingly trying to get some sleep. Ryuunosuke knew he likely wouldn’t have any luck himself. He considered getting up and pulling out another futon from his closet so that Asougi could have his own, but he ultimately decided against it. Asougi was lying there, looking rather comfortable, and perhaps it was selfish of him but Ryuunosuke liked having him so close by his side. He liked being able to feel his warmth beside him, he liked being able to hear the sound of him breathing, and he liked knowing that if he reached out, even just a little, Asougi would be right there, alive and well.

He wanted to cherish that. Even if he was determined to do everything right this time and follow the letter’s directions exactly, he was still worried. What if things didn’t go right? What if he messed up something up and caused Asougi’s life to end again? Or what if the letter’s instructions simply weren’t enough and Asougi would die regardless of how diligently he tried? Ryuunosuke got the feeling he was going to worry about this until the day he himself died.

He shook his head, trying to get the negative thoughts out of his mind. He had time. He had over a year to fix things. He’d just have to make sure he made every day count rather than waste his time worrying. Asougi was going to have a future; he was going to have a nice, wonderful, long life ahead of him. He’d make sure of it himself.

“Hey, Asougi?” He asked abruptly.

“Mmm… yeah?” Asougi replied, his voice soft with sleepiness, and he still didn’t open his eyes.

“What are your plans for when everything’s over?”

“Huh?”

“I mean… after England, after you’re able to prove your father’s innocence and come home… what are you going to do then?”

“What a strange question…” Asougi mumbled. He really did sound exhausted, and it made Ryuunosuke feel guilty. He should probably just be quiet and let Asougi sleep. But… he couldn’t help it. He wanted to have something to look forward to. In the future the letter had described for him Asougi had no future. No matter what he had dreamed of, no matter what future plans he once had in store… whatever they were, he hadn’t gotten to see them through. His future self likely never got to know of them, either. So he wanted to hear them now. He wanted to hear what Asougi’s future would be like, so he could watch it unfold before him, so he could have some clear, concise goal in mind rather than just dwelling on what things would be like if he died.

“I want to be able to draw again.” Was what he finally said.

“Uh… what?”

“I want to be able to draw again.” He repeated. “My mother… Did I tell you that she liked to paint and draw on her spare time?”

“Um… no, you didn’t.”

“She taught me how to draw, too. And I loved it. I’d sketch right alongside her as she did, though her drawings were always much, much better than mine. I wasn’t half bad at it, though. I remember a lot of my classmates were jealous of how good I was.”

“Ah… that’s really cool, Asougi. I can’t draw to save my life. I’d like to see some of your art sometime.”

“That’s the thing, though. I haven’t drawn anything since my mother passed away.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. She and I… we used to draw pictures together nearly every night. So picking up a pen and trying to do it without her… it felt wrong. It hurt.” He paused. “That’s stupid, isn’t it?”

“No, no, that’s not stupid at all. I think that makes perfect sense.”

“Still, despite that… I miss it. It was fun, and it was extremely relaxing, especially during those final, stressful days with her. I really hope that once everything’s over with, I can draw again without it hurting so much.”

“Asougi…” That wasn’t at all the answer he had expected to hear, but somehow he doubted it was a lie. Asougi truly did seem exhausted and it was unlikely he’d make up something like that on the spot. Despite the somber answer, Ryuunosuke found himself smiling anyways. Even if it was a small, fleeting thing, it was still a future Asougi wished to see for himself; and Ryuunosuke was happy to work towards such a future with him by his side. “Can you promise me something?”

“What’s that?”

“Once this is all over, once everything is said and done and there’s nothing more to fear… I want you to draw me a picture.”

“Oh? What of?”

“Hmm…” He brought his hand to his chin for a moment, deep in thought. But suddenly, the words from his letter crossed through his mind: I didn’t find out until years later that Asougi loves flowers. “I want you to draw me a picture of your favorite flower. And I want you to be there to tell me its name and all the various colors it can come in and what it stands for and anything else you can tell me about it. Can you promise me that?”

Asougi didn’t respond for a long while. His eyes were still shut, his breathing deep, and Ryuunosuke was beginning to think he really had bored him to sleep. However, just when he was about to give up, Asougi slowly lifted his hand up above the comforter and curled it into a fist, save for his pinkie, which he had left extended. Ryuunosuke beamed and followed suit, reaching out himself and wrapping his pinky around Asougi’s, squeezing it tight.

“It’s a promise.” Asougi said softly; and that alone was enough to nearly make Ryuunosuke’s heart burst.

Asougi fell asleep quickly after that, and this time Ryuunosuke let him sleep. He would need his rest, and a nagging instinct told him that Asougi likely didn’t get enough sleep to begin with. He, on the other hand, didn’t manage to fall asleep for a long, long while. He kept staring at Asougi and thinking about the future. He was still scared. He doubted he’d stop feeling frightened for a long, long time now. But just looking at Asougi, at his hand he had left draped over the comforter after making his promise, at his beautiful face as he slept away, made him feel a bit stronger. Because despite how terrified he was of a future where Asougi was not there, he knew now that there was a possibility of that not being the case. The future was already changing; Asougi sleeping soundly next to him was proof enough of it. He’d just have to keep going, keep working, keep fighting… until that simple, happy future became a reality and he got to hold the simple picture that Asougi would make for him in his hands.

Ryuunosuke reached out slowly, and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Asougi’s ear.

“I’m going to get that picture framed, you know.” He whispered, before shutting his eyes to try and sleep himself.

Chapter Text

Welcome aboard the S.S. Alaclaire. Also known as what will be one of the worst, most exhausting and stressful two months of your life.

Ryuunosuke had already anticipated his time on the steamship to be stressful; how in the world could it be relaxing to live everyday as a stowaway, fearful that he’d be caught and arrested? And it seemed his future self knew better than to sugarcoat it, too. It seemed that no matter what, he was going to be in for a rough time. But at the very least he could take solace in the fact that he’d probably make it through it all right; if his future self was writing him about England, then that means he didn’t get arrested here, right?

Ryuunosuke kept reminding himself of that fact as Asougi shut the suitcase and he curled up onto himself, trying to get comfortable and stay quiet when he heard the sounds of muffled conversation all around him.

The first day is going to be one of the toughest. It takes forever for Asougi to get checked in, go to his cabin, and get everyone that needs to talk to him out of his room so he can be alone. By the time he’s actually able to let you out, it’s almost nightfall. Please go to the bathroom before setting out on this trip.

Ryuunosuke thankfully did as told and his long, cramped journey began.

Ryuu, the days aboard the S.S. Alaclaire are going to be incredibly long and incredibly boring. Get used to being inside that cramped, tiny closet for hours at a time. Asougi tries his best to let you out as often as he can, but the fact of the matter is that he simply can’t be alone in his room all day. He’s a popular guy; you know this. Susato-san constantly visits him to go over their studies and their plans once they arrive in London, and Hosonaga-san, whom I didn’t even know was on board until much, much later, talks to him quite a bit, too. At the very least, take solace in the fact that you get to relax. There’s not much I need you to change for a while, as there is not much you can even do in the first place.

However, there is one minor thing I want you to do. Ryuu, I know it’s hard to hear in that closet, but if you hear Susato-san’s voice, I want you to pay attention. Whenever she’s in the room, she’s typically talking to Asougi about law. He’s nothing if not a perfectionist, and seeing how she’s his legal assistant, she is more than willing to go over his legal studies with him. Please pay attention to this. You’re probably going to need this when you arrive in London.

Ryuunosuke couldn’t help but wonder what that meant. Why in the world would he need to know a single thing about law? He was just an English major stowaway that Asougi had wanted for support, it seemed. Maybe it was so he wouldn’t be completely lost when he inevitably attended Asougi’s trials in London? Either way, he didn’t want to doubt what the letter told him, and whenever he heard Asougi’s muffled voice greeting Susato with a friendly hello, he’d press his ear against the closet door and listen in.

There’s also one other small thing I’d like you to do – something I admit is rather selfish on my end. You get to spend the most time out of that closet at night. Once Asougi returns with dinner, you two pretty much have the whole night to yourselves until one of you decides it’s time for bed. After two nights of sleeping in that closet, I remember complaining about how much my back hurt. Asougi felt bad for me, and offered to give me a back massage to make up for it. He also offered to share his bed with me on nights he knew Susato-san or Hosonaga-san wouldn’t be needing him first thing in the morning. I turned him down back then. I was too shy and too anxious at the idea of getting caught to accept and spent my nights in cramped pain because of it. Now I would give anything in the world to have accepted, and I’d cherish those quiet nights and spend them curled up by his side if I were you.

Also my back would greatly appreciate it, too.

With how often his future self was talking about his back, Ryuunosuke was beginning to wonder if he’d wind up using a cane before he was even twenty-five. Either way, as usual, his future self’s words made his face grow warm. Sleeping beside Asougi… asking him to give him a massage… wasn’t that a little much? Wouldn’t that be overstaying his welcome? He was a stowaway; he was being a burden simply by being here! But… as the letter had said, Asougi did offer first. And what harm could there be in allowing himself to seek comfort from Asougi’s touch? Besides, the letter told him to cherish it; because the fact of the matter remained that Asougi might not always be there. And while Ryuunosuke was determined to change that, he certainly wasn’t going to take Asougi for granted, either.

So he took Asougi up on his offer and they spent the quiet evenings on that long, long voyage enjoying one another’s company as Asougi eased the aches in his back with his gentle hands and they talked about anything and everything that crossed their minds. And Ryuunosuke would drift off to sleep at night, listening to the steady rhythm of Asougi’s heartbeat as he lay beside him. It was nice and rather relaxing; so much so that it was almost worth going hungry every night. Almost.

However, the string of lazy, simple days on the ship ended abruptly just about a week and a half into their voyage, when Ryuunosuke’s letter finally gave him something to do.

Ryuu, you must be incredibly hungry. I know I was; I remember, after I arrived in England and got to eat consistently, I just about feasted every single day for a while and wound up gaining a bit of weight. Asougi would have reprimanded me for it if he had gotten the chance to, I’m sure. Anyways, despite my hunger I tried not to voice it around Asougi; after all, he must have been suffering far worse than I was. I remember they served chicken for both lunch and dinner multiple times a week, and whenever this was the case, Asougi simply wouldn’t eat. He truly is the most stubborn person I’ve ever met but I really wish he had made an exception when it came to that. I was hungry, so he must have been starving. Why couldn’t he just swallow his pride and eat some chicken, even if it could be rather tasteless?

Ryuunosuke had tried not to think about it, but Asougi’s eating habits really did worry him. Every time Asougi skipped a meal Ryuunosuke would ask him if he was sure, and keep offering to share until he eventually gave up, not standing a chance against Asougi’s stubbornness. He really wished he’d give in, at least once. Ryuunosuke even offered to skip the next meal so Asougi could have it, but Asougi would refuse to do that, as well. He insisted that they both needed to keep their strength up, but how could he say that when he was starving the most?

Ryuunosuke hated watching Asougi grow so weak. Though Asougi was good at hiding it, Ryuunosuke would notice the minor things about him that began to change. He grew more lethargic as the days passed, often sleeping in later than he meant to and having a hard time getting up when Susato knocked on his door. His clothes looked the slightest bit baggier on his wiry frame and he couldn’t help but notice the way Asougi’s hands would tremble every once in awhile as he pressed his palms against Ryuunosuke’s back. It was worrisome, but there was very little Ryuunosuke could do about it aside from beg Asougi to eat and hope he’d eventually change his mind. The sooner they got to England, the better. At this rate, Ryuunosuke feared that Asougi was going to collapse.

On the night of the eighth, the ship’s kitchen is going to serve chicken once again. As usual, Asougi is going to refuse and let you eat the whole thing. I’m asking you to do the impossible: convince Asougi to eat it. He doesn’t even have to eat the whole thing, or even half. A couple bites will likely suffice. Just please make sure he eats some of it. I am begging you here, Ryuu. I know this sounds rather silly, but it is incredibly important. His life will be catastrophically changed for the worse if he does not do so.

You see, on the night of the eighth, a Russian girl by the name of

“Naruhodou?” Asougi interrupted, knocking on the bathroom door. “Are you about done in there?”

“Ah, yes!” Naruhodou quickly shoved the letter into his pocket and washed his hands, pretending as if he had actually been using the bathroom. The only problem with their whole set up on the S.S. Alaclaire was that Ryuunosuke hardly got any time to himself to read the letter. During the daytime he was cooped up in the closet with absolutely no light and nothing to do but sleep or listen to the conversations around him, and at night he hardly had any time away from Asougi. He couldn’t read it around Asougi; surely he’d want to know what he was doing, and Ryuunosuke could only lie for so long. Besides, Asougi was impulsive, and he had no doubts that he’d find a way to snatch it away from him and snoop. How in the world could he explain this to Asougi? He was going to just keep it to himself and read it when he could. Besides, he got what he needed to know for now. He’d find out why he needed to do it later – for now he just had to make Asougi eat the chicken.

And as Ryuunosuke shut the door behind him, he began to wonder how in the world he was going to manage that.

“Dinner’s on the table.” Asougi said. He was sitting at his desk, writing away in his diary, not even bothering to look at the full plate of chicken on the table.

“Aren’t you going to have something?” Ryuunosuke asked.

“No. It’s chicken.”

“Still… you should have at least a little.”

“No thanks.”

“But Asougi…”

“Naruhodou,” Asougi said, finally putting his pen down and turning to face him with an all too serious glare. “I would sooner die than eat a single bite of that chicken.”

“Yeah,” Ryuunosuke sighed, “I know that.”

He nervously sat down at the table and began to pick at his – no, their – chicken. He was hungry, and as much as he wanted to eat it all, he stopped and cut it in half, like he usually did when it was any other meal. He ate his portion in silence while Asougi wrote away in his diary. They used to talk more when the voyage had begun, but as of late they had both been rather quiet. It was not that they were tired of one another – in fact, seeing Asougi was the highlight of those long, boring days, and Asougi looked just as happy to see him when he returned to his cabin at night. They were both just incredibly weary and sluggish from the hunger and the stir-craziness that came from being cooped up in one place all day. Ryuunosuke couldn't wait until they finally arrived in England. He missed seeing Asougi’s energetic smile, and he longed to be able to spend the days warm in the sun with him again.

“You’re not eating it all?” Asougi asked, once Ryuunosuke finished his portion and moved to Asougi’s bed.

“No, not today. You should have some, Asougi.”

“No.”

“You don’t have to be so stubborn, you know.”

“Well, neither do you. I’m not going to eat any of that awful chicken, and that’s final.”

Ryuunosuke just glared at him and pouted. Asougi did the same and glared back. They stayed like that until Ryuunosuke winced at a sharp pain shooting up his back when he sat up a little bit. Asougi’s gaze immediately softened at that and he sat down beside him, bringing a shaky hand to the small of Ryuunosuke’s back.

“How are you feeling?”

“Sore as usual.” Ryuunosuke groaned. “Sitting in that closet all day really hurts.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. Just a few more weeks and you’ll never have to curl up like that ever again, I swear it.”

“I know, I know.” He sighed. “I just wish it’d come sooner. I miss the sun.”

“Yeah, I know. You are looking a little pale, Naruhodou.”

“So are you.” Ryuunosuke said, idly running his fingers against Asougi’s bony wrist. Asougi glared and snatched his hand away.

“Just lie down already, will you?”

Ryuunosuke did as told and laid down on his stomach. Asougi reached out and began to massage him, rubbing smooth, gentle circles into his back. Ryuunosuke sighed pleasantly; this truly was his favorite part of the day.

“Mmm… thanks, Asougi.”

“It’s nothing. It’s the least I can do for you.”

“I guess so…” He yawned, feeling rather sleepy all of a sudden. “How was your day, Asougi?”

“Oh, it was fine. I spent most of it with Judicial Assistant Mikotoba-san, as usual. Though she wound up going to bed rather early tonight… she seemed really exhausted after dinner. I really hope she’s not getting sick.”

“Yeah, me neither.”

“She swore she was just a little tired… I suppose I should trust her for now, but I’m still worried about her.” He shook his head. “Anyways, she told me she’d make up for the lost time by visiting early tomorrow. So that means…”

“I know. No bed tonight; I have to go back in that closet.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine; I’d rather have a bit of back pain than risk getting arrested.”

“I promise we’ll share the bed tomorrow night.”

“It’s okay, Asougi, I understand.” He paused for a moment. “Speaking of, why do you call her that?”

“Huh?”

“Judicial Assistant Mikotoba-san.” He repeated. “Isn’t that a bit of a mouthful?”

“I’m just trying to be respectful.”

“Yeah, but aren’t you two essentially siblings?”

“I sincerely doubt she sees me as such.”

“What do you think she sees you as, then?”

“Hmm. A stranger who lives in her house, I guess.”

“Asougi… I’m sure she doesn’t think of you that way.”

“What makes you so sure? You’ve hardly even met her.”

“Yeah, but I’m going to, soon enough. She seems nice.”

“She is nice. She’s wonderful, in fact. Someone like me simply doesn’t deserve to call myself her brother.”

“Oh don’t say that. Anyone would be lucky to have you as their family, you know.”

Asougi stopped massaging him for a moment and finally, he muttered:

“…Oh, be quiet.”

Ryuunosuke just laughed, but did as told. It seemed he had embarrassed him. Ryuunosuke wanted to roll over and catch a glimpse of the ever-proud Asougi’s blushing face, but he remained still for now, not wanting to be sent back to the closet early. He shut his eyes; perhaps it was the gentle feeling of Asougi’s hands on his back that were making him feel so sleepy. For someone who could be so bold and aggressive, it was surprising to feel just how gentle he could be. He thought of the night just before embarking on this long journey, the soft way he had squeezed his hand before reluctantly saying goodbye for the night. He thought about the flowers he had bought Asougi, and the way he had held them so gently as he rattled off every single one and what they stood for. He wondered if any of the flowers in that bouquet happened to be his favorite. He had half a mind to ask him, but he held back for now. He would wait until this was all over, until he had saved Asougi for good, and he got to show it to him in person.

And part of saving him, apparently, would be making him eat that damn chicken.

“You know,” Ryuunosuke finally said, “you really should have something to eat, Asougi.”

“This again…” He muttered.

“I mean it.”

“Why are you so adamant about this? I already told you I’d rather die than eat any of that chicken.”

And apparently you might just do that, Ryuunosuke thought bitterly. He really wished he had gotten the chance to finish today’s letter. How in the world would refusing to eat chicken impact him so badly?

“I’m worried about you.”

“And there’s nothing for you to be worried about. I can handle skipping a meal or two. This isn’t the first time I’ve done so, and it definitely won’t be the last. We just have to wait it out a little bit. I’ll be fine.”

Ryuunosuke said nothing for a moment, his groggy gaze drifting to the table. The chicken was still sitting there, likely getting cold and he wanted nothing more in that moment to eat it himself. He was still so hungry. Even though he had just eaten it simply wasn’t enough. So how in the world must Asougi be feeling? His worried mind tried to fill in the gaps he hadn’t been able to read for himself. What was going to happen to Asougi if he didn’t eat tonight? Would it make him so dizzy that he’d wind up collapsing tomorrow? What if he wound up growing so weak that he fell ill? Ryuunosuke’s blood ran cold at the thought of Asougi getting sick. If he got sick, how in the world would he get better? He doubted there was much, if any, medicine on board. If that were the case then he’d need someone to take care of him. If he needed someone to take care of him, then someone else would be in the room at all times. If that were to happen, then surely someone would discover his stowaway. And Ryuunosuke didn’t even want to think about what would happen if that were the case. If Asougi got sick, clearly he’d survive; the letter had already told him the date he needed to look out for wasn't for about a year now. But surely it’d be a problem if it happened anyways. He needed to help him. He needed to convince him.

Despite his sleepiness, Ryuunosuke rolled over onto his back and firmly grabbed ahold of Asougi’s wrists.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Your hands are shaking.”

“…So what?”

“Asougi…” He slowly moved his hands down, so he was holding Asougi’s in turn. “I’m worried about you. And I know you told me that there’s nothing to worry about, but that’s not going to stop me. You should know that by now. You’re growing so weak… I’m worried something bad is going to happen to you.”

“Something bad…” Asougi repeated. He looked down at their intertwined hands for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. “Naruhodou, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”

“Don’t change the subject on me.”

“That’s not it. It’s something really important. More important than some damn chicken.”

“Mmm…” Ryuunosuke yawned. “I’ll only listen tonight if you promise to eat a little.”

Asougi looked hesitant once again. He glanced at the chicken and glared at it, before ultimately turning back to Ryuunosuke, and with one final grimace, he said:

“Fine.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Okay. Well…” He hesitated once again, seemingly trying to find the words to say. Ryuunosuke idly wished he had time to finish today’s letter. He was so, so sleepy, and he wished he knew what Asougi was going to tell him in advance just in case he dozed off a little bit. “It has to do with my mission.”

“Your mission…” Ryuunosuke mumbled. “Isn’t it to prove your father’s innocence?”

“No, that’s just my personal goal. Remember, at your trial, the… the judge told me not to forget the mission that was imposed upon me?”

“Oh, right, I do remember that…” If he was being honest, he hardly remembered that; he had just been so relieved that he had gotten a not guilty verdict that he hadn’t remembered the rest. Honestly, he remembered the saddened, frightful expression Asougi had made in response to it more. “What was that about, anyways?”

“Huh?”

“I remember you looked really scared, Asougi.”

“…Yeah.” He laughed a joyless laugh. “I suppose I was a bit scared.”

“Why?”

“Well… There’s really no easy way to explain this, so…”

But before he could continue, Ryuunosuke shut his eyes, unable to keep them open any longer. Why in the world was he so tired? Try as he might, he just couldn’t seem to hang on to consciousness as exhaustion washed over him.

“…You really are such a sleepyhead, Naruhodou.” He heard Asougi mutter. “I suppose I can tell you about this some other time.”

No, I want to hear this, I want to listen, Ryuunosuke thought, but was simply unable to say.

“Come on, can’t you at least get up long enough to walk to the closet?”

I’m trying, Asougi, I’m trying!

He felt Asougi shake him but despite his best efforts, he still couldn’t manage to force his eyes open or move at all. What was wrong with him? Why was this happening? He could be sleepy and lazy, but never something like this!

“…You must be really exhausted.” He heard Asougi sigh. “Worrying about my well being when you’re this weary… that’s so like you.”

I’m not weary, I swear! I want to help! I don’t understand what’s happening!

Asougi bent down, sliding his arms beneath Ryuunosuke’s knees and back, and he lifted him up in his arms. Ryuunosuke was surprised that Asougi could even carry him at this point, considering how weak he had become… but he supposed he had likely become weaker himself; perhaps he didn’t weigh as much anymore. Still, being cradled in Asougi’s arms like this wasn’t helping his exhaustion in the slightest. He rested his head against the crook of Asougi’s neck, simply too exhausted to keep it up right, and he said nothing as Asougi carried him to the open closet. He placed him inside it, leaning him against the wall gently, careful not to wake him.

Not that Ryuunosuke could wake up, even if he wanted to.

“Goodnight, Naruhodou. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Ryuunosuke said nothing in turn despite his panicked thoughts telling him to, and he fell unconscious before Asougi even shut the door behind him.

When Ryuunosuke woke up the next morning, his hands were bound in heavy shackles, and he was informed that Kazuma Asougi had died. When he glanced up at the table behind Susato with weary eyes, he noticed the other half of the chicken still sitting there, cold and clearly untouched.

“Naruhodou-sama?”

Susato’s voice was heavily muffled; after all, there were two walls separating her from Ryuunosuke. But even from his cramped, tiny hiding place, he could still make out her voice, and the pounding of her fist against the door.

“Naruhodou-sama, I’m coming in.”

Ryuunosuke heard the door open as Susato let herself into his cabin. No, not his cabin – Asougi’s cabin. Susato had made that very clear the day beforehand. He clutched Karuma tighter as he heard her footsteps approach his closet.

“Naruhodou-sama…?” She asked, finally pulling the door open. Once she laid eyes on him, curled up and pathetic in that small little closet, she glared a little. “What are you doing in here?”

“Sleeping.” He said. Technically, it wasn’t a lie. He had been trying to sleep; it just wouldn’t come to him.

“Why here? The bed is right there, you know.”

“His bed, not mine.”

“Naruhodou-sama…” She glanced at the bed for a moment, but as she did so, she couldn’t help but notice some of the white paint that had been used to outline Asougi’s body was still on the ground, and she grimaced. There was a reason why, despite this being Asougi’s first class cabin, Ryuunosuke had been allowed to stay in it despite his status as a stowaway. No one wanted to stay in a crime scene. Who in the world would be able to sleep at night knowing just a few inches from where they were laying, a young man with his whole life ahead of him had been killed? Ryuunosuke put it upon himself to stay in here anyways. It wasn’t like there was space for him anywhere else. Besides, it was what he deserved. After all, he could have helped, he could have protected him, but he simply did not. Being stuck in this room for the remainder of the voyage was his punishment.

"They’re serving breakfast right now; you should really get something to eat. I already had mine, so I’ll wait for you here. Managing to fit years worth of legal lessons into just a month isn’t going to be easy, you know. So we shouldn’t waste our time.”

“…I know. I’ll hurry.” She took a step back and he finally exited the closet. She said nothing as he left, and he made no effort to talk to her, either. They were both in mourning, and quite frankly he couldn’t think of anything to say to her. If he was being honest, he still had the nagging feel that she didn’t like him much. After all, what was he to her? Sure, he had eventually solved Asougi’s death and proved he wasn't responsible, but he was also the one who could have so easily prevented it. He wouldn’t be surprised if she still hated him. He hated himself, too.

He headed upstairs towards the kitchen, and brought his food back with him. He was considering going back to the cabin to get a head start on his legal lessons, but he stopped for now. After all… it had been so long since he had seen the bright, beautiful sky, and it was nice to finally get some fresh air. He chose instead to find a secluded area on the main deck to stand and think for a while. He stood by one of the banisters, facing the wide, expansive sea, and he set his plate of food down next to him. He really wasn’t that hungry, but considering he hadn’t eaten since the night Asougi was murdered, he probably should have something to eat. He wouldn’t want to waste his – no, Asougi’s – food. But once he took a bite of one of the biscuits it tasted bitter in his throat and he put his plate down by his feet and gave up. 

What was he doing?

He was here, in Asougi’s spot, eating Asougi’s food… why? Why should he be living in Asougi’s place when he had done nothing for him? What happened to him… his death… it was entirely his fault. It had to be his fault. How could it not be! He thought about the letter his future self had written him… it had said Asougi wasn’t supposed to die until nearly a year from now, and yet he had gone and died anyways. If fate wasn’t supposed to kill him for another year, then why had he died already? There could only be one possible explanation:

It had been his fault.

The letter – he still hadn’t touched it since the night Asougi died – but he remembered that it had told him to make Asougi eat the chicken. Now he knew why. If Asougi had eaten the chicken, he would have fallen asleep early that night, so when Nikomina tried to seek out her cat, she wouldn’t have had to talk to him and the matter would have been resolved quietly. He was guessing, in his future self’s world that something similar was going to happen that night. Nikomina was going to meet Asougi and during that meeting things would have gone array as they had this time; perhaps she would have reported Ryuunosuke’s existence to the other sailors, and there would have been consequences. It would have been bad.

Only this time, it had been much, much worse. This time, it ended with Asougi’s life being taken.

And it was entirely his fault. After all, when he thought about what Nikomina had told him during her confession it became clear what had happened. Asougi had encouraged the poor girl to open up to him, and in turn he was going to do the same by introducing Ryuunosuke to her. He… likely wouldn’t have done that if it weren’t for Ryuunosuke encouraging him to open up a few weeks ago. If Ryuunosuke hadn’t softened his heart like that, Asougi would have just helped her find the cat and moved on. But now Asougi was gone and it was entirely his fault.

Ryuunosuke reached for the envelope in his pocket, untouched since the night of Asougi’s death, and crumpled it in his hands. Yes, this was entirely his fault! Both his future self and his current self were to blame for this! If they hadn’t interfered, if they hadn’t been so naïve, if they hadn’t been so stupid as to think that they could actually help Asougi, then none of this would have happened! And now he was going to have to live with the fact that he had gotten Asougi killed for the rest of his life.

Ryuunosuke leaned over the railing of the ship, and raised his hand up, holding the crumpled letter in his fist. After all, he wasn’t going to need it anymore. Asougi was dead; and this would only be a reminder that he was so incredibly worthless that he had wound up cutting Asougi’s already fleeting life shorter. He swung his fist back, and –

“Hold it!”

Susato caught his fist mid swing before he could send the letter overboard. She pried the crumpled envelope from his hand and looked at it suspiciously.

“Naruhodou-sama, what is this?”

“M-Mikotoba-san!” He exclaimed. He had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even heard her come by.

“You take an awfully long time to eat, you know.”

“I’m sorry, I just got distracted…”

“What is this?”

“It’s… it’s nothing.”

“If it’s nothing, then why were you trying to throw it overboard?”

“Please, just give it back.”

“Why should I? Now you’ve made me curious.” She said, as she began to smooth out the letter so she could read it.

“It’s something Asougi gave to me!” Ryuunosuke blurted out suddenly. “Please, Mikotoba-san, it’s really, really important to me. Please give it back!”

She stared at him for a moment, and his heart pounded. He wasn’t one to raise his voice, and now he felt incredibly guilty. She was probably going to think it was suspicious, that there was something more to Asougi’s murder, that despite Nikomina’s confession, Ryuunosuke had still somehow been responsible. Which wasn’t entirely false.

“If it’s so important to you,” she placed the letter back into his hands, then pressed his hands back against his own chest, “then Kazuma-sama would want you to cherish it.”

“Mikotoba-san…” He shook his head. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” She joined him at the railing and leaned against it. She noticed the abandoned plate of food and said, “you haven’t eaten much.”

“I know, I’m just not that hungry.”

“Kazuma-sama would want you to keep your strength up.”

“I know that, but this is his food. He should be the one…” He sighed, running his hand through his hair anxiously. “I’m sorry, you don’t want to hear this.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You’re basically his sister, his family; he loved you. And you knew him far longer than I did. Why should you have to listen to me whine when you’re the one who lost so much more here? I’m just the stupid friend who came along anyways and couldn’t even save him – ”

“Naruhodou-sama.” Susato said abruptly. “Kazuma-sama loved you too, you know.”

“He…” Ryuunosuke stammered. “H-he what?”

“He was always going on and on about you. He’d talk about things you had said that made him laugh, or things you did that impressed him. Nearly everyday, he had something new to say about you. He… didn’t have that many friends up until then, so just hearing him talk about you made me really happy for him. It was nice to know that he had somebody.”

“Well he should have chosen someone else. Someone better. Someone who could’ve –”

“Well the fact of the matter is that he chose you, Naruhodou-sama. He wouldn’t have shoved you in his closet if that weren’t the case.” She grabbed his shoulder firmly. “He loved us. And it’s okay for you to be sad about him.”

“You too, Mikotoba-san.”

“Yeah,” she said smiling up at him sadly, tears welling up in her eyes, “I know.”

She said nothing more and leaned against him, weeping upon his shoulder. And Ryuunosuke couldn’t help it; he began to cry too and buried his face into his hands. The two of them simply hadn’t been that honest with each other. Accepting to follow Asougi’s path and live his dream for him… it was something far easier said than done. It was easy to say that they’d replace him in the aftermath of his murder; after all, it was something to occupy themselves with, something to do to take their minds off of the horrible truth that Asougi Kazuma was gone and no matter how diligently they fulfilled his place, it was still his shoes that they were filling and they couldn’t ignore that pain.

They could try, and they had. Susato hid it by growing frustrated, by being curt and angry at Ryuunosuke, by calling him a killer until he had proved his innocence, and even then she still didn’t seem to take too kindly to him. And Ryuunosuke hid it by isolating himself and hating himself and curling himself away in that dismal little closet because it was the only place someone like him belonged; he didn’t stand a chance in Asougi’s shadow and he knew it, even if he was going to force himself to pretend otherwise.

But right now, they couldn’t pretend they weren’t hurting. They both loved Asougi, and they were both deeply wounded by his death; a sister who saw him as family, and a friend who wished to be more, both aching in the aftermath of Asougi’s departure, wishing to bring him back but simply unable to. So really, what could they do right now aside from hurt from it? Asougi may have been the one who died, but it felt like their lives had been cut short, too; after all, the bright, sunny future they had envisioned with Asougi by their sides had disappeared in a single instant, and there was nothing left to do but cry about it.

“M-Mikotoba-san?” Ryuunosuke whimpered, once his sobs had mostly subsided. “May I ask you something?”

“Anything.” She replied, pulling a handkerchief from her bag and handing him one as well.

“Asougi, um… he liked flowers, right?”

“Oh, he loved them. H-he loved helping me out in father’s garden, and used to tell me everything about them when I was a little girl.”

“That’s what I thought. Anyways, I was wondering…” He knew this was a stupid thing to ask, and it would hurt more than anything having to learn it through Susato rather than Asougi, but what choice did he have? He wanted closure. And knowing this would end everything, even if it were a cruel and sad end to it all. “Can you tell me what his favorite flower was?”

He wanted to hear it. He wanted to hear it, and know it, so he could envision it drawn beautifully on paper by Asougi’s skilled and gentle hands, and he could pretend that he had heard it from him and had watched his face light up adorably as he explained all the little facts about it that he himself would never know, in a future the two of them had promised to have together.

“I’m sorry, Naruhodou-sama… but I don’t know.” She said, shaking her head. “I’m afraid he never told me.”

“Yeah…” Ryuunosuke replied, on the brink of tears again, “me neither.”

Chapter Text

Ryuunosuke forgot about the letter for months after the fact, having buried it away in his suitcase the day after Asougi had been murdered. He had kept his promise to Susato and hadn’t thrown it away; but he wasn’t quite cherishing it, either. He hadn’t had the heart to pick it up again after Asougi’s demise; it’d simply be too painful to read about the life Asougi was supposed to lead had it not been cut so short. Of course he knew deep down that Asougi hadn’t had much time left to begin with, but knowing that he was at fault for making it even shorter made his heart ache. So he had hidden it away with his things and once he and Susato had arrived in England, it had completely slipped his mind. After being rushed into such a quick trial, then moving in with Holmes and all of the adventures they had gone on thereafter, he simply hadn’t had the time to think of a now pointless letter shoved away in his – no, Asougi’s – suitcase.

That is, until the middle of June, just about two months since Susato’s departure back to Japan.

He was… bored. Now that he had been barred from court, there wasn’t much for him to do. Sure, he had fun spending the days with Holmes and Iris, but it still felt like he was wasting his time. He was here to carry on Asougi’s will. But how could he do that when he wasn’t allowed in a court of law? So it seemed for now there was nothing to do but wallow in self-pity until he was finally allowed to serve in court again, whenever that may be.

Fun.

So one morning he decided to tidy up his room in Holmes’s attic. As of late, he had been letting it get a bit messy. Susato was always good about scolding him to put his things away. Asougi, he remembered, was like that too. He wondered which one stared it, or if they had both been like that from the start. Either way, he wasn’t like that at all. He could get rather lazy and careless if he wasn’t feeling motivated, and just looking at the messy bedroom before him, he could practically hear Asougi’s voice telling him: how can you live like this, Naruhodou?

He wasn’t quite sure either, so with a begrudging sigh, he began to tidy up things. He threw away papers from old cases he simply didn’t need anymore, made his bed, returned some of the teacups he had stolen from the kitchen, and folded his heavy black cloak and put it into his suitcase; he likely wouldn’t be needing that until it grew cold again. However, when he opened the large suitcase Asougi had bought for them, he noticed the thick envelope sitting where he had left it months ago, starting to gather dust. He had half a mind to just dump his cloak on top of it and forget it again, but he ultimately decided against it and grabbed the letter. He took a seat at his bed and began to thumb through it, finding the place where he had left off. He wasn’t sure why he was doing it; perhaps he was just bored, or perhaps as a means of punishment. Maybe he was just curious. He wasn’t sure, but at the very least he’d like to know: what in the world was going to happen to Asougi had he not foolishly intervened for the worst?

On the night of the eighth, the ship’s kitchen is going to serve chicken once again. As usual, Asougi is going to refuse and let you eat the whole thing. I’m asking you to do the impossible: convince Asougi to eat it. He doesn’t even have to eat the whole thing, or even half. A couple bites will likely suffice. Just please make sure he eats some of it. I am begging you here, Ryuu. I know this sounds rather silly, but it is incredibly important. His life will be catastrophically changed for the worse if he does not do so.

He sighed. How could his past self have possibly known how much worse it would be this time? He shook his head and kept reading.

You see, on the night of the eighth, a Russian girl by the name of Nikomina will be smuggled aboard the ship. To ensure that no one hears about it, the kitchen staff drugs the chicken that night so everyone will be unconscious when she is snuck aboard. I know this sounds frightening, but bear with me here. Being drugged isn’t going to hurt you or anyone else. Nikomina is not someone you should turn in. She’s just a child, and she’s scared. It’s best that you don’t engage with her at all, for both your sakes. But especially for Asougi’s.

Because he doesn’t eat the chicken, he will be awake when she comes on board. She loses track of her cat that night and it runs into his cabin. She asks for his help finding it and he agrees. However, he can tell that she’s frightened, and as a sign of camaraderie, he elects to have her meet you. Due to her paranoia, she thinks Asougi is attempting to turn her in and she winds up pushing him hard, causing him to strike his head against the bedpost pretty badly. She thinks he’s dead. So does everybody else. So she and another sailor on board decide to pin the crime on you, and this is how you are discovered and ultimately wind up meeting Susato-san and beginning your long journey in the world of law.

The thing is – Asougi didn’t die.

Ryuunosuke sat up abruptly, his heart pounding in his chest. This letter, word for word, had explained precisely what had happened that night. Nikomina, the cover-up, his arrest… it was all described exactly as it had happened. Could this really be what had happened last time? Could Asougi really be alive?

Asougi wasn’t dead; he was merely knocked unconscious. However, he hit his head against the bedpost incredibly hard. He was knocked out cold, his breathing was shallow, and he wasn’t moving. To anyone who didn’t know better, he must have looked dead. However, there was someone on board who would have known to check his pulse, and make sure he was breathing... I’m talking about Sherlock Holmes, of course.

Ryuunosuke could hear the sound of Holmes chatting away with Iris downstairs and he felt something he rarely ever experienced wash over him: anger. Had Holmes… had he really…? He curled his hand into a fist and took a deep, shaky breath. He needed to find out what happened first. He couldn’t accuse Holmes of anything without any proof, after all.

Now Ryuu, I need you to listen to me. Holmes-san is a good man with good intentions. To this day, I still consider him to be a wonderful and cherished friend. Please don’t be mad at him for this. But the fact of the matter is that he has one goal in mind: he needs to get Asougi off of that ship. So even if you do manage to make Asougi eat some chicken, and his “death” doesn’t happen, there’s still a chance that Holmes-san will find a way to prevent him from coming to England. If that’s the case, I don’t want you to panic. Because if there’s one thing stronger than Holmes’s determination, it’s Asougi’s.

Ryuu, I can’t tell you everything that will happen once you change the future. Once you do that, it’s simply out of my control. I don’t know what Holmes-san might do to get Asougi off that ship, but he will stop at nothing. If this happens, I just need you to have faith in Asougi. He’s determined. And once Asougi is determined to do something, he will see it through to the end. He will make his way to London at some point or another. And I need you to be able to greet him there.

This is important. Far more important than him eating chicken. When he arrives in England, he needs to stay safe. In my world, he arrived in England without me knowing about it, and I didn’t find out he was alive until months after the fact. He wound up in the hands of dangerous people, people who wanted to use and hurt him. I wish I had been there with him. I wish I had kept him safe. If you are able to do so, I sincerely believe it will help him in the long run. 

Ryuu, if Holmes-san succeeds in getting Asougi off the ship, then I need you to promise me something. Promise me that you’ll visit the port you arrived at every single day and check for him. I don’t know when he might arrive, as Asougi never told me the actual date, but I think it was sometime near the beginning of the summer. Please, check everyday if there is a freight ship from Hong Kong arriving, and if there is, wait as it unloads to see if he’s aboard. This is of dire importance. He needs you, Ryuu. Please keep him safe.

Ryuunosuke shoved the letter into his pocket and immediately got to his feet. It was already the beginning of summer. Asougi could be here any moment now, assuming he hadn’t missed him already! He rushed downstairs and put his shoes on as quickly as he could, and swung the front door open.

“Mr. Naruhodou?” Holmes asked, stepping out from the kitchen, a bowl of cookie dough in his arms. “Is something the matter?”

Ryuunosuke stared at him for a moment, his hand once again curled into a fist. In that moment he wanted nothing more than to scream at him, to demand why he had faked Asougi’s death and pinned it on Nikomina, and force him to tell the truth. But he took a deep, soothing breath and remained calm, for now. He couldn’t do any of that without evidence, and all the evidence he had was a crumpled piece of paper in his back pocket. He shook his head.

“N-nothing’s wrong,” he finally said, “I just have an errand I need to run, that’s all.”

"Do you want one of us to come with you?"

"No." He said curtly.

Even Holmes was taken aback by his unusual rudeness and paused for a moment before finally giving up and shrugging. 

“All right, well hurry on back.” Holmes said with a smile. “Iris and I are making cookies. We’ll be sure to save some for you, but you’re going to want them when they’re warm.”

“…Right.” Ryuunosuke said. He was still angry with him, but for a moment, the anger dissipated. Holmes just seemed so… nice, so friendly. Could someone like this really be so cruel as to kidnap Asougi and then pin the supposed crime on him? He thought about what the letter told him:

Holmes-san is a good man with good intentions. To this day, I still consider him to be a wonderful and cherished friend. Please don’t be mad at him for this.

He… didn’t want to doubt his future self. Not again, at least. He supposed he could question Holmes about his motives once he ensured Asougi was safe and sound in his arms once again. Without another word he headed out the door and rushed to the port he and the others had seen Susato off at ages ago now. He did just as the letter instructed but, much to his dismay, no freight ships were arriving today. But he didn’t let that bring him down. He was determined not to let Asougi down. Besides, if Asougi truly was alive… he’d do anything to ensure it stayed that way.

So, each and every morning after he had enjoyed breakfast with Iris and Holmes, he’d head out to the port and wait. Some days he’d leave pretty quickly as there were no freight ships arriving from Hong Kong for the day. But other days, when there was a glimmer of hope, he would wait around and watch and listen for any sign that Asougi might truly still be here and he wouldn’t head back home until the very last ship had finished unloading.

While he waited, he would flip idly through the letter. He determined he was never going to take it for granted again, and as he flipped through it, he hated himself for doing so in the first place. Because his future self hadn’t found out that Asougi was alive until months after the fact, he had no idea what things would be like should that have been prevented, and he had chosen instead to rattle on about things that had happened in his time. Things that had only happened a couple months ago, now that Ryuunosuke thought about it. The letter told him about Megundal’s guilt and how he had forced Gina into working with him and it would be best to not defend him, but it also warned on leaving him behind with the stagecoach after the events of that first trial. It told him the truth of both of Souseki’s incidents, as well as told him to warn Gina about entering Hutch’s pawn shop and if she really must do so, ensure that Holmes doesn’t wear his bag that night because he likely could have avoided his injury. All of this could have been so, so useful during the past couple of months, but reading the letter still sent a chill down his spine. After all… everything that had happened to his future self had happened to him, as well. Everything was still the same. If he kept this up… if he continued being so useless… then Asougi might actually…

Ryuunosuke smacked both of his cheeks and quickly shook his head. No, no, it was useless to think that way! He would help him this time! He was certain of it! He just had to keep waiting, keep hoping, and keep paying attention...

“Get your hands off me!”

Ryuunosuke’s attention was immediately diverted at the sound of a loud cry. A few paces away from him, a dispute had broken out in the crowd. A policeman seemed to be in the process of arresting a sailor, and the sailor was putting up quite a fight. The sight frightened him, and he knew he should just stay quiet and stay out of it, but he found himself standing from his spot at the bench and heading over towards them. After all, that voice had sounded awfully familiar…

“Get back on that ship, kid,” the policeman said, roughly grabbing ahold of the sailor’s wrist.

“Let me go, I have to stay here!” The sailor protested, trying to get his hand free.

“If you don’t have any identification, you don’t get to stay!”

“Then you’ll just have to arrest me,” the sailor argued, “because I’m not going anywhere!”

The sailor finally ripped his hand from the policeman’s grip and took a few steps back, glaring defiantly at him. Ryuunosuke could finally make out his face, and though his hair was swept back a little and his skin was a little sweaty and caked with soot and his eyes seemed a little dazed, he would recognize him anywhere. After all, how could he possibly forget the face of the man he had grown to admire so deeply? He stood there, for a moment, shell-shocked, feeling as if he were bolted to the ground, and he felt his heart skip a beat. Asougi… it was really Asougi standing before him, alive and well, the sun glimmering off his pretty hair, his chest heaving with each deep, frustrated inhale, his neck clear of any bruises or signs of damage… he was alive! It really was him!

However, before Ryuunosuke got the chance to celebrate, the police officer grabbed his handcuffs and unlocked them, ready to force them upon Asougi’s wrists. Ryuunosuke had to do something. If he let this happen, then Asougi would fall into the hands of wrong people, and everything would go just as wrong as it had for his future self. He had to hurry!

“Wait!!” Ryuunosuke screamed, rushing forward and in between the two.

He took a deep breath as he glanced up at the officer, who didn’t look much amused. Ryuunosuke could feel himself sweating. Quick, he had to think of something!

“U-um… I… I, um…” He rummaged through his pockets, and that’s when he remembered that he had kept Asougi’s passport. Susato had taken most of Asougi’s belongings home with her, but Ryuunosuke had held on to this. It was one of the few, if not the only, existing image of his dearly departed friend, and he simply didn’t want to lose that too. Now he was grateful that his sentimentality had paid off for once. “He’s, um, he's with me! He’s not an illegal immigrant. He just accidentally left his passport with me. See, look. He’s right where he’s supposed to be.”

The policeman silently took the passport and glanced at Asougi, then back at the photograph in his hand. He looked suspicious for a moment, and Ryuunosuke didn’t blame him; Asougi was being awfully quiet about all this and the image of the bright-eyed university student almost looked like a completely different person when compared to the exhausted, confused-looking sailor standing before him. But he eventually realized they were indisputably one and the same and shoved the passport into Asougi’s hands.

“You need to be more careful, kid,” He said, “I was this close to detaining you, y’know.”

Asougi said nothing, and the man just rolled his eyes before going about his way. Ryuunosuke then finally turned his attention back to Asougi, who was staring idly at his passport, still looking rather lost. Ryuunosuke could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he stared at him. This was Asougi. This truly was Asougi. He really was alive, he really hadn’t died that day, his dear friend’s blood truly wasn’t on his hands! He felt so relieved that he could cry, but he held back for now. Anxiety still consumed him as he glanced around at the bustling crowds around him. He hadn’t gotten far enough in his letter yet to find out who exactly it was that had stolen Asougi away in his future self’s time. He still had no idea who these dangerous people were that wanted to hurt his beloved friend. But chances were that they were around here somewhere, and Ryuunosuke needed to get him out of here before they had the chance to even lay a single finger on him.

“Where did you get this?” Asougi finally asked. There was something about the way Asougi looked at him that unsettled Ryuunosuke tremendously, but he didn't have time to dwell on it for now. 

“You left all of your things with me, remember?” Ryuunosuke said. Asougi still looked confused, and Ryuunosuke shook his head. “Don’t worry about it for now, okay? Just come with me.”

Without another word, he grabbed ahold of Asougi’s wrist and led him away from that frantic dock. Ryuunosuke kept his eyes glued on the road before him as he rushed Asougi away as quickly as he could towards Holmes’s flat. He’d be safe there. Even if he was still curious as to what Holmes’s true intention was in getting rid of him, he didn’t want to doubt his future self ever again and if he claimed that Holmes was trustworthy, he’d just have to believe in him.

In a narrow, lonely alleyway just a few blocks away from Holmes’s flat, Asougi finally stopped in his tracks and tore his hand from Ryuunosuke’s grip.

“What’s wrong?” Ryuunosuke asked. “Is something the matter?”

Asougi said nothing still, and it made Ryuunosuke’s stomach drop. He still looked at him with that lost, dazed look in his eyes, seemingly uncertain of what to say. He had been silent during their whole walk over here, and since when was Asougi ever this quiet?

“Where are we going?” He asked.

“To Holmes-san’s flat.” Ryuunosuke replied. “That’s where Mikotoba-san and I have been staying since we arrived here. You haven’t met him yet, but I’m sure he’ll be happy to have you around, too. Now come on then, we shouldn’t keep him waiting…” He reached for Asougi’s hand again but Asougi drew it away and folded his arms close to his chest, keeping himself closed off.

“Please stop touching me.”

“Oh… okay, I’m sorry.”

Ryuunosuke had never gotten this reaction from him before, either. Asougi usually seemed okay with affection, sometimes even putting a hand upon his shoulder when they chatted with one another. What in the world had gotten into him?

“Look,” Asougi said nervously, “I really appreciate you helping me out back there.”

Actually, Ryuunosuke already had an idea of what it was.

“Really, I mean it. I don’t know what would have happened had I been arrested.”

After all, the letter had already told him; he had just sincerely hoped that it wasn’t true this time.

“I’m sorry, but…”

Ryuu, there was more to Asougi’s injuries that night than just him being knocked out. I meant it when I said that Asougi hit his head really, really hard. It was hard enough to knock him out cold for several hours, but along with that…

“Who are you?” Asougi asked desperately. “And how do you know who I am?”

Asougi winds up with a severe case of amnesia.

When Ryuunosuke and Asougi finally arrived at Holmes’s flat it was just a little past noon, and it seemed Holmes and Iris were busy fixing lunch. Ryuunosuke could smell stew cooking from the kitchen, and it looked like Asougi had noticed it too, and was fixing his eyes on the kitchen door. Ryuunosuke was hungry, but he couldn’t help but wonder just how hungry Asougi must be. While he didn’t look as pale and lethargic as he had back on the S.S. Alaclaire it still looked like the times hadn’t been good to him and it was clear he was exhausted.

At the very least Asougi had tagged along with him. Ryuunosuke had told him the truth in that alley: that he was Ryuunosuke Naruhodou, and he was Asougi’s best friend. And while Asougi seemed to believe him, Ryuunosuke could tell from the foggy, glazed look in his eyes that it hadn’t really stuck. As usual, the letter was right; Asougi did have an extremely awful case of amnesia. And once again Ryuunosuke felt utterly helpless.

Asougi’s amnesia is really, really extreme. He doesn’t remember you, the Mikotobas, his family, or even his own name. The only thing he can remember is that he needs to go to England, but he doesn’t remember why. Despite this horrible impairment, he will do just that. But because of how empty his mind has become, it was really, really easy for him to be controlled and used by other people. Please, if he does get amnesia, you need to take care of him. Don’t let him out of your sight. Please make sure he stays safe. I think the safest place you could take him for now would be Holmes-san’s flat.

“Um, here we are.” Ryuunosuke said awkwardly, taking his shoes off. “This is home. Or… at least what Mikotoba-san and I have been calling home for the past few months.”

“Mikotoba-san?” Asougi repeated.

“Yeah, Mikotoba-san. She’s…” Ryuunosuke just sighed and shook his head. “Never mind. You’ll remember who she is soon enough. I hope. Come on; let’s talk to Holmes-san. I’m sure he’ll think of something to –”

He was interrupted by the sound of glass shattering. The two of them looked up and noticed Holmes standing by the kitchen door, staring at them with wide eyes. He had dropped the teacup he had been holding, and it lay at his feet in a shattered heap, the earl grey staining the carpet beneath him. Ryuunosuke had seen the man get shot and yet, despite that, he had never seen Holmes look as frightened as he did now as he stared at them.

Actually, now that he thought about it, Holmes really wasn’t staring at them. In fact, his eyes were glued on Asougi. If Holmes was having this reaction, then he really must have been involved somehow. 

“Holmsie,” Iris said, stepping out from the kitchen herself, “is everything all right? I thought I heard something shatter…” She trailed off, her gaze wandering to Ryuunosuke and Asougi as well. However, unlike Holmes, she smiled at them warmly. “Oh, hello! Are you a friend of Narudie’s?”

“Yes…” Asougi responded, though he looked a little uncertain.

“Wonderful!” She stepped over Holmes’s mess and strolled over to them, then held her little hand out for him to shake. “My name is Iris Watson! What’s yours?”

Asougi hesitated, then glanced at Ryuunosuke for assistance. He clearly had forgotten it already.

“Iris-chan, this is my best friend, Asougi Kazuma.”

“Oh! So you’re the Asougi I’ve heard so much about.” She beamed and grabbed his hand, giving it a firm shake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

“Yes… you as well.” Despite his confusion, he smiled back at her. 

“…Wait. Narudie, didn’t you say that your friend was… er, gone?”

“Yes.” Ryuunosuke replied firmly, glaring at Holmes. “That’s what I thought, too.”

“W-well…” Iris seemed to notice the tension in the room, and hesitated for a moment. “Um… You two are just in time for lunch! Well, almost. It should be ready in a few minutes. We should all – ”

“Iris.” Holmes finally managed.

“Yes?”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“What is it?”

“I… need to have a talk with Mr. Naruhodou. Alone, if you don’t mind.” He straightened up, his normal confidence seemingly back. “Would you be willing to show Mr. Asougi to the bathroom? After his long trip I imagine he’d like a shower. And a change of clothes. There must be something in his size in my closet somewhere. I’ll clean this mess up and we can all have lunch after that, all right?”

“Oh… sure, I can find him something to wear.” Iris said. She grabbed Asougi’s hand once again, and began leading him away. “Let’s go then, shall we?”

“Um…” Asougi still looked uncertain, but it seemed he couldn’t say no to Iris. He held her hand in turn and began to follow her. “All right.”

Holmes was quiet until the two of them left, and the door was shut behind them. He then pulled out a broom from the closet and began cleaning the mess he had made.

“Holmes-san?” Ryuunosuke said. Holmes ignored him, seemingly caught up in his task. “Holmes-san!”

“No need to shout, I can hear you.”

Ryuunosuke grit his teeth. Usually he found Holmes’s aloofness to be endearing, and even a little entertaining, but this was just getting obnoxious.

“Holmes-san, what did you do to him?! Why did you fake his death? And why did you try and get me arrested for it?”

“Now I had no intention of getting you arrested. Had you actually been unable to prove your innocence, I would have said something.”

“Well what about Nikomina-chan?! She’s in jail because of a crime that didn’t actually happen!”

“I informed Miss Nikomina of what actually happened, and helped her find refuge in the United States. I’m certain she’s doing just fine.”

“B-but…” Ryuunosuke stammered, “I don’t understand… Holmes-san, why would you do such a thing to him? Kidnapping him and leaving him all alone when he’s like this… Did you know that he was an amnesiac? He doesn’t remember a thing, not even his own name! If I hadn’t found him, I don’t know what could have happened to him! How could you?!”

“Mr. Naruhodou…. ” Holmes sighed, and finally dumped the sad remains of the teacup into the rubbish bin. “I truly am sorry for what happened to Mr. Asougi. I didn’t mean for him to wind up like this.”

“So you knew, then? You knew what had happened to him?!”

“Not the full extent. When I stole him from his room, he was still unconscious. I had no idea just how bad his injuries were. Had I known, I would have gotten him to a doctor first.”

“First… Holmes-san, just what were you planning on doing to him?”

“Oh, it’s simple, really. I was just going to send his ‘corpse’ back home to Miss Susato’s father. By the time he got there, you would already have taken his place as Japan’s exchange student, and he wouldn’t be able to come back to England for quite some time. That’s all I wanted to do.”

“All you wanted…” Ryuunosuke repeated, frustrated tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. “Well, what about what he wanted, huh? Why were you so adamant about putting me in his place?! Do you have any idea of just how important this is to him?! This was his life long dream! Why would you take that all away from him?!”

“Mr. Naruhodou, I’m sorry. I truly am.” Holmes said, as calm as ever. “I didn’t do this just to make him miserable. If this is his dream, I have no doubt he can live it out later. He just… he can’t be here right now.”

“Why not? What in the world could possibly – ”

“I have reason to believe that Mr. Asougi’s life is in danger.”

Ryuunosuke just gaped at him for a moment, his blood running cold. Holmes… knew that Asougi’s life was in danger? How? Why? And could this possibly be related to Asougi’s actual death in his future self’s world?

“What… what do you mean?”

“Do you remember that Morse code disc you revealed to the court a few months ago?”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“The names listed were Ann Sasha, John Watson, Tobias Gregson, and Kazuma Asougi.”

“So what?”

“So what… well I don’t expect you to know this, but Ann Sasha is a notorious assassin here in London. However, she disappeared mysteriously nearly a year ago now, and no one’s heard from her since. The public thinks she may be dead.”

“Dead…?”

“Yes. And then there’s John Watson. You should know better than anyone what’s become of him.”

“Wait, so you’re saying…”

“Exactly. Mr. Naruhodou, I believe the names on that disc are part of a hit list.”

“A hit list…” So it really was murder then? Asougi’s death in just one short year really wasn’t an accident or illness… he was going to be murdered, wasn’t he?

“I intercepted this transmission a long while ago. And when I noticed that half of its members were gone… well, it didn’t take me long to figure out what might happen to the other two. Mr. Naruhodou, I really am sorry for what happened to Mr. Asougi. I didn’t intend for him to get hurt so badly, and I didn’t mean to lose track of him. But I needed to get him off of that ship, until I got to the bottom of this. I don’t know who’s trying to kill all these people, but at the very least I was going to keep Mr. Asougi safe. I had to. Please forgive me for this.”

Ryuunosuke said nothing for a moment, simply gazing at Holmes. He truly did look remorseful, and far more serious than usual. In that moment, Ryuunosuke recalled what the letter had told him:

Holmes-san is a good man with good intentions. To this day, I still consider him to be a wonderful and cherished friend. Please don’t be mad at him for this.

“Holmes-san…” Ryuunosuke finally said. “It’s... okay. I forgive you. I understand why you did it, and I appreciate it, actually. I’ve… been trying to keep him safe, too. That’s why I stowed away with him.”

“You truly are a faithful friend, Mr. Naruhodou.”

“I guess you are, too.”

Holmes just smiled at that.

“So… now what should we do?” Ryuunosuke asked. “Asougi’s… here now. We can’t just send him away again, not while he’s like this.”

“No, you’re right. I don’t think we can leave him alone while he’s in such a state… tell me, where did you find him?”

“Oh… I went for a stroll and wound up near the port where I arrived. That’s where I found him. I think he only just arrived in London.”

“And were you followed on your way back here?”

“N-no, I don’t think so.”

“Good. Well, Mr. Naruhodou, it seems you’ve gotten yourself a new roommate.”

“So you’ll let him stay here?”

“Of course. I can’t imagine anyplace safer for him at the moment. We’re going to keep him hidden here until he properly recovers and his memories return and we’re able to track down whoever’s after him. How does that sound?”

“That sounds wonderful, Holmes-san. Thank you so much!”

“Oh, think nothing of it. This is partially my fault, anyways. Just promise me that once you leave the house, you don’t utter a word about this. Kazuma Asougi is still dead, you understand?”

“I understand completely.”

“Good. Call him something else if you need to talk about him, but I don’t know what –“

“Say, Holmsie?” Iris said through the door, “can we come in now?”

“Yes, of course. It’s about time we had lunch anyways.”

Iris finally strolled in, still leading Asougi behind her by the hand. He looked more like himself now, the dirt and grime cleaned off his body, but the look in his eyes was still rather vacant. He was wearing a deep blue suit and a beige vest that Ryuunosuke had never seen before, and though it was a bit baggy on him in the midsection, it looked to be about his size otherwise.

“This is the only thing I could find that wasn’t too big for him. I hope it’s okay. Besides, I’ve never seen you wear it.”

“That’s because it’s not mine. It’s one of my partner’s old suits.” He said with a smile. “You look very charming in it. Though not as charming as him, of course.”

“…Thanks.” Asougi said with a glare.

“Now let’s eat lunch, shall we?” Iris said. “The kitchen’s this way, Kazumie.”

“Kazumie, huh?” Holmes repeated. “Kazumie it is, then. Welcome to our home, Kazumie.”

“Sure.”

Holmes and Iris headed to the kitchen, but Asougi held back for a moment, waiting for Ryuunosuke. It seemed he was still uneasy, and Ryuunosuke was the only one he trusted, for now. Ryuunosuke smiled at him, anyways. If he needed to be Asougi’s shoulder to lean on, then so be it. He’d be happy to.

He took a step forward and pulled Asougi into a quick embrace, burying his face against his chest and though Asougi still seemed too confused to hug back, he let him. Ryuunosuke could hear the faint sound of Asougi’s heart beating, and it brought a smile to his lips.

“I’m so happy you’re here, Asougi.”

For now, at least.

Chapter Text

Ryuu, if Asougi does get amnesia, then it is imperative that you help him get his memories back. In my time, it took him nearly half a year to recover from it, and even then he was still getting flashbacks of forgotten memories up until the day he died.

“Ah, excuse me?” Asougi said, tapping him on the shoulder. Ryuunosuke quickly shoved the letter away, and while Asougi did look curious, it seemed he hadn’t read any of it.

“Yeah?”

“Iris and I are making breakfast and she wanted to know how you like your eggs.”

“Oh… I’m not picky. Scrambled is fine, thank you.”

“Okay.”

“And Asougi?” Ryuunosuke asked, but Asougi had already turned to go and didn’t hear him or, more likely, didn’t recognize the name to be his own. “Er – Kazumie?”

“Yes?”

“You know you can call me by my name, right?”

“I know.” He glanced at the ground.

“It’s Ryuunosuke Naruhodou, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“Did I make it that obvious?”

“A little bit.”

“I’m sorry. I really am trying.”

“It’s all right, there’s nothing to apologize for. I know how difficult this must be and I don’t mind giving you reminders.”

“Well, thank you, Ryuunosuke.”

“Er…” Ryuunosuke blushed a little; Asougi had never called him by his first name before, and he rather liked the way it sounded in his lovely voice. He had half a mind to correct him, and remind him that he had always called him Naruhodou, but he decided against it. It was only fair if he was calling him Kazumie. “It’s no problem. I want to help you.”

Asougi just nodded and stepped out of the room again, and Ryuunosuke waited until he could hear him chatting away with Iris to pull out the letter again.

It’s going to be a long, difficult road ahead of you two. Please be patient with him. This is going to take him awhile.

Yeah, no kidding, Ryuunosuke thought.

One sure fire way to get him to recall his past is to remind him of his family. In my world, Asougi remembered everything when he saw his father’s face. However, the way in which he saw it was incredibly cruel. A sculptor by the name of Conette Roizac created a wax model in his likeness, to add to her horror gallery. Needless to say, Genshin’s model was not a pleasant sight. He was made to look like a monster, having just come back from the dead. It was excruciatingly painful for Asougi. To this day, I can remember the horrible sound of his scream at the sight of it. Ryuu, if you truly can’t think of anything to help him, you may show him that model. But I really want you to save that as a last resort.

I want Asougi to remember himself as the kind, wonderful soul he is. I want him to remember himself as one of Yummei’s top students and as one of the strongest and kindest people I have ever met. And when he does remember his family, I want him to remember how much they had loved him. 

I’m not sure if that’s possible. I don’t know if he’ll be able to remember himself without being force to relive the pain he’s gone through. But… I’d like you to try. Find a way to make the memories a little less painful. If there’s anyone who could possibly have any images of Genshin, it’d be Professor Mikotoba. Please send him an urgent telegram, telling him to come over. He will be coming to England anyways, as he is supposed to participate in a conference with Jigoku-san as well, but I implore that you ask him to come sooner, with Susato-san. I’m sure once they know that Asougi’s alive, they will rush over. As Genshin’s old friend and Asougi’s foster father, surely he must have something that will help.

Ryuunosuke folded the letter back up and put it back in his pocket. He had already done most of what it said. As soon as he could he had sent notice to the Mikotobas to come over – Asougi was alive, and in desperate need of their help. Of course, the two of them agreed to come, and just as the letter had said, both of them were planning on coming here anyways. Now all he had to do was wait.

But if he was being honest, he was growing a bit frustrated. He wanted to help Asougi remember himself as quickly as he could, but he was having no luck. He had asked Asougi about his parents, and even told him their names and occupations and the other vague things Asougi had told him before, but they just weren’t ringing any bells. It seemed very little was.

It had been a few weeks since Asougi had been found, and he still didn’t remember much. He would often avoid calling anyone in the flat by name because he simply couldn’t remember what they were. Asougi still didn’t remember his own name, and wouldn’t respond to it when Ryuunosuke said it. Kazuma seemed to be familiar to him, but not enough to help him recall everything. Kazumie he was growing more accustomed to, but that wasn’t even his name in the first place and it was likely only because Iris was so adamant about referring to him as such.

He supposed if there was one good thing to come of all this, it was Iris. She was practically glued to Asougi’s side from the moment she woke up to the moment she went to bed. With how random Holmes’s schedule was she was often home alone, and now that she had Asougi with her all day, she seemed incredibly content. Ryuunosuke would often come home to find the two of them together. Asougi would be going over one of her manuscripts as she wanted early feedback on it, or he’d be cutting up vegetables for dinner so she didn’t have to while they cooked together or he’d be helping Iris put together one of her inventions as she instructed him where to put one of its many pieces.

It was cute, honestly, to see Asougi act like this. He didn’t strike Ryuunosuke as someone who would be so… domestic. He had only really ever seen him in class where he had been the overtly blunt and intensely stubborn student. It was a contrast to say the least, but he supposed it wasn’t all that surprising; considering he had lived with Susato since she was just a little girl, it was easy to picture him doing the exact same things for her, and it would explain why he kept accidentally slipping up and calling Iris “Susato”. Either way, it made him a little happy. While the Asougi he knew still wasn’t back yet, this was a surefire sign that he was still there, and beginning to break his way through, even if only a little.

Ryuu, as there will be very little for you to do until autumn rolls around and you get the chance to serve in court once again, I think it’s about time I tell you a little more about the night of Asougi’s death.

It had been about a month since Asougi had been found, and while he seemed to be enjoying his life here at Holmes’s flat, nothing seemed to be changing. Admittedly, he had been getting the name thing better, and was needing fewer reminders when it came to everyday things, but it was clear to all that he still wasn’t entirely himself and he still had yet to remember anything substantial. The Mikotobas still had yet to arrive, and as Ryuunosuke still hadn’t been allowed to serve in court again, there was very little to do but sit around and wait. The letter acknowledged that too; and often just told him to spend the days taking care of Asougi as well as himself as things were going to get turbulent for the both of them in just a few short months.

First off, I need to inform you of some events that will relate to his death. In my time, when Asougi arrived in England without my knowing, he was arrested for having no identification yet refusing to leave. However, before he could be deported, he ran into Chief Justice Vortex and begged to stay. Vortex recognized him as the lost foreign exchange student and decided to allow it. However, he made no effort to help him. He appointed him as a Van Zieks’s assistant, and forbade him to speak to anyone but himself. He didn’t even tell him what his name was and just forced him to go by the Masked Disciple, giving him a mask to wear so that no one, Susato-san and myself included, would recognize him. Asougi was so desperate to stay that he did everything he said without question.

Ryuu, the Chief Justice is an incredibly cruel and tyrannical man. This should have been clear to you the moment he forced you to win a case or go back home, but his cruelty runs deeper than just setting you up for failure like that. You have the evidence to bring his many crimes to light but unfortunately, that will have to wait until the fall when you’re in a court of law with many eyes on you. You see, Vortex is an extremely tricky man. No one will want to believe the evidence of a currently suspended Japanese defense attorney, and he would be sure to use your status as such to put doubt upon you. Along with that he has a… history of getting rid of people who have any dirt on him. You must keep this all to yourself until the time comes, for your own safety.

Anyways, while under Van Zieks’s watch, Asougi is treated… rather poorly. You know how he treats the Japanese, and Vortex wasn’t any better to him. However, it doesn’t stop there. Simply being with Van Zieks alone puts Asougi in danger. Do you recall the “curse” put on Van Zieks, and how many people in London refer to him as the “Reaper of the Old Bailey” and attack him for it? Well, now that he has a masked, suspicious looking man by his side, they both get attacked by violent, radical citizens occasionally when they are out and about on the streets of London. Thankfully, they are both strong and capable of taking care of themselves and for the most part they manage to stay out of harm’s way.

These attacks become less frequent soon enough. For Van Zieks, at least. In a few short months, you, along with the help of your friends, will be able to bring the truth of his “curse” to light, and needless to say, he is not cursed at all, nor is he at fault for the untimely deaths of nearly every person he’s failed to prosecute. However, the trouble only continues for Asougi. You and Asougi wind up changing the English law system drastically, and while it is definitely for the best that it happens and many people in London would agree, that doesn’t change the fact that people are suspicious of you just because of who you are. While what you and Asougi do is for the greater good, many people in London don’t believe that. They couldn’t accept the fact two foreign, Japanese attorneys changed everything, and thought it was some sort of conspiracy against their country. So while Van Zieks was spared of the violence brought about from his curse, people instead turned to hating – and therefore hurting - Asougi. I imagine Susato-san and I would have faced it too, had we not left just a few days into November.

Ryuunosuke paused there, and read a few lines ahead, but it didn’t elaborate any further on that particular subject. He and Susato… left? Why? They were all supposed to stay together. Susato had come along to be Asougi’s assistant, and she had seemed truly upset that the opportunity had been taken from her. And as for himself… he had agreed whole-heartedly to come along with Asougi, even if the thought of being smuggled aboard scared him. He couldn’t help but leap at the opportunity when Asougi talked so happily about how much fun the two of them would have together in England. So why in the world would he and Susato just leave him behind like that? Was what was coming in the next couple of months really going to be that life-altering? Ryuunosuke just simply couldn’t imagine himself leaving Asougi behind now. And the realization that his future self saw Asougi for the last time months before his death broke his heart.

Asougi, of course, was never one to tell me about his problems. I assumed that the violence stopped for him just as it did with Van Zieks, but no such luck. He continued to be attacked sporadically in the months leading to his death, and I didn’t know about it until after the fact. Of course, like I said before, Asougi is strong and more than capable of taking care of himself. But nobody’s perfect; even Van Zieks had that nasty scar on his face from one single slip up. It would be foolish of me to believe that Asougi was immune to such a mistake, either.

In the early hours of May 21^st, 1901, Asougi was wandering the streets of London by himself. To this day, I still don’t know what exactly it was that compelled him to be out that late, and unfortunately, I will likely never know the real reason. He did tell me that going for walks and getting some fresh air would help him calm down a bit when he was stressed and especially after experiencing flashbacks. You see, once Asougi got his memories back, there were still some things he hadn’t remembered yet and they would come back in bits and pieces in the months before his death. Considering the life he’s lived, it’s no surprise he’d need some time to cool off after remembering such things. Anyways, just a little before midnight, he was crossing one of the many bridges that hung high above the river Thames. Unbeknownst to him, he was being stalked. A radical nationalist by the name Aiden Whitman, who is just one of the many, many people in London who doesn’t like the idea of a foreign attorney changing their justice system, found out where Asougi lived and followed him that night. On a single, hateful whim, he shot Asougi twice in the back and dumped him into the river. Asougi’s body was found a few kilometers downstream the next morning.

And just like that, Kazuma Asougi was gone for real this time.

Ryuunosuke noticed some dried up splotches on the page; likely from teardrops.

Because the Mikotobas and I had already been home for months at that point and Asougi never really befriended anyone in London, the first person to be notified of his death nearly a whole day after the fact was Van Zieks. He thought it right to tell Holmes-san, who in turn notified Susato-san and I immediately. I dropped everything and returned to England to find out what had become of my dearest friend. By the time I arrived, they had already arrested the killer, and he was due any day for trial. Holmes-san had been able to pinpoint exactly where Asougi had been killed, and told me he had found two bullet casings there that had been left behind by the killer. They were a perfect match to the two bullets found in Asougi’s spine and matched the gun registered under his name, and the case was all but closed.

I watched the trial. I didn’t defend that awful man; as much as Asougi had taught me to believe in people, people like myself who had all the evidence stacked against them… I simply couldn’t. I trusted Holmes-san’s deductions and I knew, deep down, that he was right this time. The trial was essentially shut and closed. The man didn’t even deny doing it; he almost seemed proud. He had gotten rid of that Japanese menace, a plague upon London just like his father before him. It was only once he was being told his sentence that he tried to change his mind. You’ve seen first hand how killers tend to get once they’re cornered. He suddenly tried to claim that Asougi’s death was an accident, and then he claimed it to be a suicide, that that’s the reason why Asougi had been on that bridge that night. But of course, the truth remained clear: he owned the gun that had taken Asougi’s life, it would be impossible for anyone to shoot themselves twice in the back, and regardless of why Asougi was out that night, the gunshots had killed him long before anything else could. He was found guilty for murder, and the case was closed.

And just like that it was over, and I was left with nothing.

If I’m being honest, I don’t know why I returned to England. It wasn’t even like Holmes-san had insisted I do so. He just wanted to tell me what had happened and… I found myself retuning anyways. I suppose it just didn’t feel real. It had all happened so quickly, and I had already lost Asougi once… I guess I felt that because he cheated death before, he’d be able to do so again. Some small, pathetic part of me must have truly believed that it would be fake again, that Asougi had gotten mixed up in some drama again and he was just hiding somewhere, safe and sound and still alive. I just couldn’t believe that my wonderful, beloved friend had been taken in such a cruel, simple, and pointless manner. I… hadn’t even seen him in months. The last time I saw him, he had been waving at me from a port in England. The future had just seemed so bright back then. It felt like now that everything was over that nothing could go wrong again, that the friend I was staring lovingly back at as I drew further and further away would have a long life ahead of him and we would get to share it together as soon as he returned home.

It was then as I was left with nothing but my thoughts in London that I began to realize just how badly I had messed up.

So much happens to Asougi in such a short period of time that I don’t think I could have protected him from it all. But there was still so much I could have done, things that could have possibly helped him and maybe even saved his life.

If I had convinced Asougi to eat some of the chicken…

If he hadn’t gotten amnesia…

If Holmes hadn’t lost track of him…

If he wasn’t taken in by Vortex…

If he wasn’t put in danger by being with Van Zieks…

If I hadn’t left him behind when he was only just beginning to recover…

Then perhaps he might have lived; or at the very least have had a happier life. Ryuu, I truly don’t know if you can change his future. Perhaps fate really is just fixed upon us and we can’t ever stray from our paths. But I want to believe things can be different. It’s too late for me, but not for you. I want to believe there’s still time for the both of you to live long, happy lives together, but who knows. I don’t even know if Iris’s invention will work and this will even reach you. But… I want to believe that things can be all right one day; for your sake and for his.

Ryuunosuke put the letter down with shaky hands and took a deep breath. From the very start he had suspected that Asougi had been murdered. After all, what other possible reason could there be for a young, healthy man to die in the prime of his life? But even if he had guessed it, it still didn’t make it hurt any less. The relief he had felt weeks ago when he had first found Asougi had completely faded now that he knew how easily and how soon he might be taken away again.

While he had figured that Asougi had been murdered, ultimately he had figured that there had been some important reason behind it. Considering how many secrets Asougi had been hiding, he had assumed that he had wound up getting killed in some sort of conspiracy or something along those lines. He never would have guessed that Asougi’s death had seemingly been completely random, a crime committed against him out of sheer hatred and nothing more. It broke his heart to hear how cruelly Asougi had been killed and it was taking everything in his power not to cry out right now. He just had to take solace in the fact that he had already prevented some of the things the letter had listed. He managed to find Asougi before Vortex did, and now that he was staying hidden in Holmes’s flat, he wasn’t being attacked on the streets like he would have had he been with Van Zieks.

But, a nagging part of him wondered, was that really enough?

It seemed the biggest problem of all was that he and Asougi would change things in London, and that would make people angry. The letter didn’t seem against them doing that; and he was getting the feeling it was going to happen no matter what. So what then? Would Asougi manage to stay safe after that? What if this wasn’t enough to change his future? And even if the murder didn’t happen that night… who’s to say it wouldn’t happen later?

Ryuunosuke shoved the letter in his bedside drawer and headed downstairs. He couldn’t be thinking about this right now. The letter was right; he really did need to take things one day at a time otherwise he’d be overwhelmed. And right now he didn’t want to think about Asougi’s death. Right now, he needed to be reminded that there was time, that Asougi was still with him, that even if he wasn’t done yet he had done a little and the proof would be right before his eyes.

“Asougi – ” Naruhodou asked, the moment he got to the living room.

“Shh.” Iris interrupted, a heavy comforter in her hands. “He’s taking a nap, can’t you see?”

Naruhodou looked towards the couch where lo and behold, Asougi was fast asleep, curled up on his side. Wagahai was beside him, sleeping away too.

“Oh… I see…” Ryuunosuke sighed. “H-here, let me help you with that.” He took the comforter from her hands and draped it over Asougi, careful not to disturb him. Ryuunosuke leaned in really close, just to make sure he was breathing. Of course he was, but he had just felt the need to check anyways.

“Narudie, are you okay?”

“Yes, why?”

“You look awfully pale. Did something happen?”

“No, not really. I… I just wanted to see how he’s doing, is all.”

“He’s okay. He was just helping me out with an invention. I think I tired him out, though. There was a lot of heavy machinery and he insisted on carrying all of it.”

“Of course he did.” It seemed even in this vacant, amnesiac state, he still managed to find a way to overwork himself. At least he wasn’t in danger. Not yet, anyways.

“Would you like a snack, Narudie?” She sat down at the coffee table, where two teacups and a plate of small cakes were already placed. “I made some cakes and tea for Kazumie as a thank you but… I guess he can have some when he wakes up.”

“Sure Iris-chan, that sounds great.” He said, joining her. “What were you two making?”

“A failure, that’s what.” She pouted. “I wanted to try my luck at creating a teleportation device, but I just couldn’t get it to work yet.”

“Teleportation?”

“Yes. I was always fascinated by telephones, and how in a single instant your voice could be transported from one place to another. So I thought, what if I could create something like that, but it worked with your whole body? Unfortunately I didn’t get anywhere though and had to scrap it for now. Maybe later.”

“I believe in you. If anyone could create something like that, I’m sure it’d be you.”

“Well, thanks Narudie. I appreciate that.”

There was a pause for a moment, where Ryuunosuke thought about what Iris had just told him. A teleportation device, huh? The thought of such a thing made his head hurt, but he didn’t doubt that a brilliant girl like her would find a way to create one. In fact, she could probably make anything her little heart set its mind on. After all, the letter had just told him:

I don’t even know if Iris’s invention will work and this will even reach you.

He had been wondering, for a while now, how in the world any of this was possible. It’s not everyday that you receive a letter from yourself from sixteen years into the future. Besides, if time travel were commonplace, he had the feeling more important events would be altered rather than just him wanting to save Asougi. He was happy to hear that his friendship with Iris was going to last so long into the future, but all of this still confused him quite a bit.

“Say, Iris-chan?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think time travel is possible?”

“Huh? Time travel?” She brought her hand to her chin in thought. “Well… it’s not possible yet, but theoretically it could happen. Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering.”

“It’s a strange thing to wonder, Narudie.”

“W-well… Um…” He scratched the back of his neck anxiously. “I was, um, writing a novel where it happened, and just thought I’d ask you if it’s possible.”

“Oooh, that sounds interesting! What’s the story about?”

“Well… It’s about this boy who’s… um…” He glanced at Asougi, sleeping peacefully away on the couch, and gulped. “Well, he’s in love with his best friend. But one day, he gets a letter from the future telling him that in just one short year, his dear friend is going to die, and it gives him instructions on what to do to prevent that.”

“Wow, I didn’t realize you were a writer! That sounds like a really neat idea for a story!”

“Thanks…” Though he wasn’t really sure if it was his idea. Technically it would be, sixteen years from now.

“However, there’s just one problem with it.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“It can’t be time travel.”

“It… can’t?”

“No. Think about it. If there’s instructions of what to do to save the friend and the main character does them…. Then that means in the future, he wouldn’t have to write a letter at all, would he? If the protagonist does everything right, the letter wouldn’t need to exist in the first place and we’d find ourselves with a paradox.”

“Oh… I see.” This was making his head hurt, but he couldn’t deny that she was right. He had already begun to change things, by having Asougi here when initially he wasn’t, and having him open up when initially he didn’t… since he had done those things already, wouldn’t the text instructing him to do so disappear?

“It could be a different timeline, though.”

“A what?”

“Hmm… how to best explain this…” She mumbled. “Have you ever made a decision and later wondered what would happen had you done the opposite? There’s been theories for awhile now that there are millions of universes near identical to ours, with only the slightest bit of changes, just like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… you know the dress I’m wearing? The shop where Holmsie bought it for me… there was a dress I liked a little bit better that was blue and white but I debated telling him about it because I didn’t want him spending too much on me for my birthday. By the time I finally told him about it, it had been sold out and he bought this one instead. If the theory I told you about is true, that means there’s a world exactly like ours where everything is the same, but I told him sooner and have that dress instead. Pretty much any minute decision you can think of, there’s potentially a world where everything’s the same but that alone is altered.”

“Oh… that’s interesting.” But if he was being honest, he as still a little confused and he got a bit of a headache just thinking about it.

“So I suppose the possibility that a letter could be sent to another universe would be possible if one day science advances far enough…”

But Ryuunosuke began to tune her out a little bit as he thought about what she had just told him. The fact that there could be a world just like this… that there could be a million of worlds just like this that only slightly differed from each other made his head spin. How many versions of himself existed? How many versions of Asougi did? And, he wondered bitterly, how many times had Asougi met such a horrible, unfortunate end?

Actually, thinking about this made Ryuunosuke recall something the letter had told him, something he had overlooked the first time he read it, but now it made far more sense:

But I want to believe things can be different. It’s too late for me, but not for you.

His future self had said it was too late because for him, it really was. Ryuunosuke hadn’t thought much about it because he figured that once he fixed everything, it wouldn’t be a problem anymore for either of them. But… that wasn’t the case, was it? No matter what happened, that Ryuunosuke’s world was stuck in place. No matter what he did now, that future self would never get to see the results. He would never get to see a world where Asougi got to live his life to the fullest, and he would be forced to forever live with the regrets he had made in his youth. To him, Asougi would always been the dear friend he had lost far too early when he could have been saved.

“…Narudie?” Iris asked, “is something the matter?”

But Ryuunosuke didn’t respond for a moment, simply bringing his hand up to his mouth as he tried to hold back his tears. Now that he thought about it, there had been several points in the letter where the ink on the page had been smudged and the paper itself had been splotched. They must have been from teardrops. Writing about all of this… he couldn’t imagine how painful it must have been for that future self. After all, for him, there was nothing he’d be getting out of it. For him, Asougi would always be dead and gone, and there was simply nothing he could do about it. He wouldn't even get the satisfaction of seeing the results. All he could do was hope. 

“I-it’s nothing, Iris-chan.” Naruhodou replied quickly. “You just made me realize something. If it is an alternate world, then that means the main character who wrote the letter in the first place never gets to be happy, right?”

“Oh…” She paused for a moment. “Yes, I suppose so.”

“I guess I’m a little upset for his sake.”

“It’s a rather sad story, isn’t it?”

“It really is.” He muttered, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

“But it will have a happy ending, won’t it?”

Ryuunosuke wanted to say yes, absolutely, for both her sake as well as his own, but he found himself with no voice. After all, he still didn’t know the answer quite yet. Could he save Asougi? Could he really? Thus far he had been doing a downright awful job at it, so could he really be capable?

“Mmm… Ryuunosuke?”

Asougi’s soft voice startled the two of them, and they turned to find him awake now, though clearly still a little groggy.

“Morning, Kazumie!”

“Sorry, did we wake you?”

“No, you didn’t.” He mumbled, shrugging the blanket off. “I shouldn’t be napping when you need my help, Susa-”

“I’m Iris.”

“Right. Iris. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, Kazumie. We were just about done anyways. Besides, you should get your rest. It will help you recover better.”

“Sure…” He trailed off when his gaze wandered to Ryuunosuke, and suddenly he bolted up from his spot on the couch and headed towards him. He grabbed Ryuunosuke firmly by the shoulders, looking wretchedly concerned.

“What happened?” He asked.

“Um… what?”

“You’re crying. What happened? Is everything all right?” He glared. “Did someone hurt you?”

“Uh…” Ryuunosuke gulped. Ever since he had gotten amnesia, Asougi had been rather lethargic and quiet. How could he not be when his mind was so empty and he often forgot things the moment he learned them? But this was the first time he had seen Asougi’s eyes so clear and focused since the accident and it made his heart skip a beat. It felt like finally, after all these months, he was looking back at the Asougi he knew again. He was genuinely concerned for his sake, like he often was before the incident, and it was a wondrous reminder in such a hopeless time that the real Asougi was still buried in there somewhere. “I’m okay, Kazumie I swear.”

“Then what happened?”

“Iris-chan and I were just talking about a very sad story.”

“A story he’s writing.” Iris piped in. “Kazumie, did you know he’s a novelist?”

“I’m not technically a novelist…”

“You cried at your own story?” He looked at him judgmentally. 

Ah, there was the Asougi he knew. 

“No… I mean, kind of. I guess.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I’m a really sentimental person. You’ll come to remember this soon enough, I’m sure.”

“Well then,” Asougi seemed to relax a little bit, his grip on Ryuunosuke’s shoulders easing up a little. “What’s so sad about the story?”

“It…” He shook his head and reached up, gently pulling Asougi’s hands off his shoulders and holding them in his own. They were warm, and Ryuunosuke planned on keeping them that way. Because despite how awful Asougi’s future might be, and despite how awful it had been likely many times before now… there was still time now and still hope for him. Even if he couldn’t make that previous Ryuunosuke happy and save that Asougi… he could still save this one. And right now, he would give anything to keep this kind, loving soul, who cared about him so earnestly despite not even remembering who he was, alive. And he was beginning to realize just how lucky he was to have that chance to begin with. He’d have to thank Iris for that one day, sometime long in the future, when Asougi would still be alive and well and things truly would end happily ever after. “It doesn’t matter. After I write the happy ending, the tragic part will be nothing but a memory.”

“So it does end happily, then?” Iris asked.

“Yes,” he said, giving Asougi’s warm hands a gentle squeeze, “I swear on it.”

Chapter Text

It wasn’t until the end of October that I finally got to serve in court again. It was the first case I got to see Asougi again, too. However, like I said before, I didn’t recognize him when I first met him. The Chief Justice forced him to dress in a cape and mask and he was ordered to never speak to anyone. And besides, Susato-san and I thought him to be dead, so even though we felt something at the sight of him, we didn’t pursue it at the expense of raising our hopes only to break our hearts all over again. I sincerely hope this isn’t the case for you.

It’s not, Ryuunosuke thought, because when he looked up from his spot at the kitchen table he could see Asougi grab some flour from the highest shelf for Iris because she couldn’t reach them herself and he was safe, just as he should be. Ryuunosuke just hated the fact that he hadn’t gotten much better.

It had been three months since Ryuunosuke had found Asougi lost at that crowded port, but he still hadn’t recovered much. He was getting a bit better about remembering new things – for example, it had been a long while since he had accidentally called Iris Susato, and he had quickly grown accustom to responding to Kazumie, but he was still at a complete loss when it came to anything before the incident on the S.S. Alaclaire. Time was running out and Ryuunosuke knew this. The letter had warned of something big happening once he got to serve in court once again, and it seemed that’d be quite soon. He just had to hang on to the hope that the Mikotobas could do something. They should be here any day now, and hopefully Professor Mikotoba had heeded his letter and would be able to help Asougi somehow. He just had to hope so.

“So,” Iris said, over a bite of pancakes, “do you have any plans for today, Narudie?”

“Oh… yes I do, actually.” He straightened his back and sighed. “I think today I will finally ask the Chief Justice about lifting my ban. It’s been six months already… and I feel like it’s time I come back. I just hate sitting around like this.”

“The chief justice…?” Asougi mumbled idly to himself, the way he always did when he heard something vaguely familiar. Ryuunosuke’s heart dropped. Vortex really was involved with him somehow, wasn’t he?

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Can I come with you?” Asougi asked.

“Huh? Why?”

“I don’t know.” He shook his head. “There must be some reason why I remember so much about British and Japanese law. I feel like whatever I came here for has to do with that courtroom. Perhaps I could convince him to give me a job?”

“Kazumie…”

Ryuu, the Chief Justice is an incredibly cruel and tyrannical man. This should have been clear to you the moment he forced you to win a case or go back home, but his cruelty runs deeper than just setting you up like that.

“I’m sorry,” Ryuunosuke finally said, shaking his head, “but I think you should stay here for now.”

“Why? That’s all I’ve been doing. I’ve been here for months and all I’ve been doing is rotting away in this flat. Isn’t it about time I do something useful?”

“Just having you here is useful enough.”

Asougi just glared at him.

“Look, Kazumie… you would make a fantastic attorney; I’m certain of it. But right now, I think you should wait until you’ve recovered properly. I struggle enough as an attorney as is; if I can’t imagine how much harder it will be if you can’t remember your own name.”

“I know what my name is.”

“You know it’s not actually Kazumie, right?”

“I know that! It’s…” He trailed off, then curled his hand into a fist. “Damn it.”

“Kazumie!” Iris gasped.

“Sorry.”

Ryuunosuke hated seeing him like this, frustrated and lost at his own impairment, but what more could he do? He tried reminding him of his name, his parents and anything else that might stir something within him, but nothing had worked. He just had to wait.

“Look,” Ryuunosuke said again, gently placing his hand on top of Asougi’s, “I promise, the moment you recover, the first thing we’ll do is get you your job as an attorney. And then we’ll serve in court together just like we agreed to a long time ago. Sound good?”

“You swear on it?”

“Absolutely.” To prove it, he held his pinkie out, just as Asougi had that chilly December night that felt like ages ago now. Asougi followed suit and the promise was made.

The events of the day went precisely as the letter had told him they would. Vortex did indeed lift his ban, but not before reminding him that he was just a mere proxy, serving here in Asougi’s place, and that he would never be able to fulfill his dearly departed friend’s mission. Those words still stung him to his core, but he couldn’t help but notice the slightest twinge of hesitation in Vortex’s words, if only for a moment. It seemed that Vortex couldn’t chastise him in full confidence when he himself thought Asougi to be dead. It made Ryuunosuke feel the slightest bit better knowing that this time he was one step ahead of him, rather than the other way around. 

The first case I served after my ban was lifted was another murder case. A scientist by the name of Benjamin Dobinbough was arrested for the murder of his assistant during an experiment he preformed at the world fair. While this case, like all of the cases I’ve served, was stressful, try to relax. Things will get a lot worse in the coming weeks so it would be best if you don’t overwork yourself.

Ryuunosuke was staring to wonder if he could get Iris to invent something that would allow him to meet his other self so he could strangle him.

He was certain his future self was right, that this case wouldn’t be so bad once it happened, but he couldn’t help but feel anxious anyways. He was always anxious. And being back on a case where his defendant looked tremendously guilty all while trying to be calm while also trying to keep Asougi hidden away and knowing that something stressful was likely going to happen to the both of them in just a matter of weeks wasn’t very good for his nerves. At the very least Iris seemed to noticed his plight and convinced him to buy the both of them ice cream while they were investigating at the fair.

After investigating the fair and visiting Dobinbough in his cell, the two of them eventually found themselves at Connette Roizac’s wax museum. Ryuunosuke knew he’d be coming here eventually; the letter had informed him that Holmes would be here and they’d be needing his help – plus some insight from Roizac herself – to aid them in their case. However, when they arrived to the rather spooky gallery of wax models, he didn’t notice Holmes there at all. There was an impressive wax model of him, but aside from that the gallery was empty, save for…

“Asougi?” He asked. Asougi still didn’t look up, having either not heard him or still unused to the name. He was sitting in a chair not too far from the Holmes model and looked utterly engrossed in a newspaper he was reading. A newspaper, Ryuunosuke noticed, depicted an image of Van Zieks fighting off attackers… alone. Van Zieks had already told him about the incident when he and Iris visited his office earlier that day, but it was still chilling to see that image on the page. After all, had Ryuunosuke not read the letter in time and returned to the dock… then it’d be Asougi’s masked face on that newspaper instead.

“Kazumie,” Iris asked, approaching his spot, “what are you doing here?”

“Oh, hello Iris.” He replied. “Holmes brought me here.”

“Why?”

“Apparently he didn’t want me staying home alone. And since I can’t join you and Ryuunosuke yet, that meant I had to go with him.” He didn’t look very happy about it.

“I’m sorry, Asougi,” Ryuunosuke said, “as soon as you get your memories back I swear - ”

“I know. It’s okay, I’m not mad at you.”

“Well, where is Holmsie, then?”

“Where do you think?” He glanced up at the Holmes model then went back to reading his paper. Iris then proceeded to walk up to the Holmes model and kicked it.

Holmes got a job at the wax museum as a stand in wax model to make some extra money for rent. It was there we met Conette Roizac, the French sculptor who would wind up aiding us a little bit in our case. However, she wouldn’t pay Holmes unless he showed her one of his legendary deductions first. But as usual, he was wrong, and it was up to Iris and I to correct him.

“So,” Holmes exclaimed, snapping his fingers, “it’s clear to me, Madame Roizac, that you sold the wax figurine in question due to the museum’s failing sales. And the 200 pounds sticking out of your purse as well as your eyes wandering to the guidepost is evidence enough of that.”

“Well,” Ryuunosuke whispered, “it’s true the madam was looking towards the wall just now…”

“Yeah,” Iris replied, “but would she really have sold one of her wax figurines like that?”

“Huh?”

“I mean… she puts her heart and soul into making them. They’re precious things to her, right? If it were me, no matter how much I was offered, I wouldn’t sell them.”

Ryuunosuke felt guilty knowing that he likely would sell them if he were in a rough spot, but he didn’t voice that aloud for now.

“Anyways! So there might be another meaning behind the 200 pounds.”

“Perhaps there’s something around here that might help us? Maybe we should look around and – ”

“Hold it, Holmes!”

Asougi was pointing an accusatory finger at Holmes. Everyone went silent at his sudden interruption; he had been silent the whole time, so quiet it had been easy to forget he was even there.

“Mr. Asougi?”

“You said that Madam Roizac staring at the signpost was evidence of her selling the wax model, right?”

“Yes, precisely.”

“If you had looked closer…” Asougi stepped to the side and pointed at the wall, so Holmes could see it. “There’s a card pinned to the wall, see? If you read it, the reason for the 200 pounds in her purse should be obvious. She didn’t sell anything. In fact, it seems the model in question is being held for ransom.”

Asougi folded his arms and smirked as Holmes eventually realized his error, then continued where he left off. Ryuunosuke remained silent as he watched Asougi aid and correct Holmes in his deductions, struck by what he saw. It was easy to forget, with how quiet and vacant he had become, that this was what Asougi was made to do. Asougi was good at this; Ryuunosuke could remember as clear as day how dazzling Asougi was during his case last winter, stating his arguments clearly and precisely and not showing even a shred of hesitation even if he was uncertain, and giving Ryuunosuke the courage he needed to defend himself. He was just like that now, and Ryuunosuke couldn’t help but stand back and watch him in awe.

This whole time… with the letter, and then Asougi’s death, and then the stress of keeping him hidden away while trying to help him… he had nearly forgotten the reason either of them were even here in the first place: to do something like this. Before Ryuunosuke had known about Asougi’s deeper reasons for coming here, before he had even gotten the damn letter predicting all the tragedies to come… he had been sold on the simple promise that he and Asougi would get to have fun here together, solving cases side by side in a place that was fresh and new to them.

As he watched Asougi now, he couldn’t help but wonder what things would have been like had Asougi been with him from the start. The case with Megundal… would that have even happened if Asougi had come here on schedule? Then of course there was Souseki, and the incident with Gina… he imagined all those cases, but with Asougi there too, by his side surely pointing out things he wouldn’t have noticed, and standing in court without his eyes darting even a single time. He wished he could have seen that himself.

But, he thought, as he smiled at Asougi cheerfully poking holes in Holmes’s deductions, he supposed he could do that now. Asougi was safe for now, and once the time came and his memories returned and he could serve in court again, Ryuunosuke had no doubt that he’d be amazing at it. Even Holmes looked like he was enjoying himself as he and Asougi deduced Madam Roizac’s actions together. Ryuunosuke was excited to work by Asougi’s side when the time came, but he couldn’t help but marvel at how easily he seemed to fit in with the legendary detective.

When Susato and her father finally arrived, she just about jumped into Asougi’s arms, so relieved to see him alive. He hugged her back, but despite his willingness to do so, her being there simply didn’t trigger any memories. His eyes looked just as glazed as empty as they always did as he held her in his arms; clearly just seeing Susato wasn’t going to be enough to bring him back. Ryuunosuke had figured that’d be the case; the letter had informed him that in his other self’s time, Asougi had seen the two of them many times, but it wasn’t until he had seen his father’s face that he recalled anything. He just needed to hope that Professor Mikotoba had indeed brought something along with him that could help.

Eager to do something after being stuck on a boat all day, she joined Ryuunosuke during the final day of Dobinbough’s case. Just as the letter predicted, he was innocent. And not only that, but the case had ended with Van Zieks pulling the two of them to the side, wanting to talk to them after the trial had ended.

Ryuu, it is at the end of Dobinbough’s trial that things start coming together. Van Zieks waits until the courtroom is empty to show Susato-san and I the statue of Asougi’s father. He tells us about the incident he was involved in: the Professor Killings. He told us of a series of murders that had been aimed at British nobility; that ten years ago, his older brother had been the last victim in this awful string of murders, and that the culprit behind it all was a Japanese man by the name of Genshin Asougi. That was why he was “cursed”, it was his brother’s spirit cursing all those he had failed to prosecute. It was also the reason for his hatred towards the Japanese; he blames us all for his brother’s death and thinks we are all savages because of it.

Susato had looked distraught as Van Zieks explained the whole ordeal. Ryuunosuke, on the other hand, just watched in somber silence. He imagined he would likely be distraught as well had he just discovered that his dear friend’s father was found guilty and executed for murder. But because the letter had told him all of this in advance, he simply listened to Van Ziek’s explanation in silence, thankful all the while that he had not brought Asougi with him today. After Holmes and Asougi had finished investigating beforehand, they had gone on home, and Ryuunosuke was thankful for that. Even if he knew deep down that there was more to the Professor Killings than what Van Zieks was telling them, it was still distressing to listen to and watch. He couldn’t imagine how painful it must have been for Asougi have all his memories come crashing down upon him from something so horrible. It was no wonder he had screamed at the sight of it.

When the two of them returned home after the trial, they decided to remain silent about what Van Zieks had told them to Asougi, for now. Besides, Susato had about a million and a half other things she’d like to talk to him about first; happier things she hoped would stir something within him and help bring him back. At the very least, she would try until her father could help. While Susato had split off from her father to find Ryuunosuke and Asougi, Professor Mikotoba had taken it upon himself to find a hotel for them to stay at. Once Holmes heard about it he immediately ushered him back to his flat, insisting he stay with him. If Asougi’s and Iris’s stories were to believe, the two of them had been out all day. It seemed despite the circumstances; Holmes was thrilled to bits to be hanging out with his old partner once again. Hopefully the two of them would be back by nightfall. Hopefully.

Susato spent most of the afternoon talking with Asougi. Or more accurately, talking at Asougi. It couldn’t be helped. She had nearly a lifetime of memories to remind him of while he had very little to say in return. Ryuunosuke stayed in his room for the most part, wanting to give them space. He could hear their muffled conversation downstairs from his spot on the bed until, eventually, he heard silence. He went downstairs to check on them then.

“Kazumie – ”

“Shh.” Asougi interrupted. He was sitting on the couch with Susato by his side, though it looked like she had dozed off a little and her head was resting upon his shoulder. “Can you please find her a blanket?”

“Yeah, sure.” Ryuunosuke did as told and brought a blanket down for her. When he did so, Asougi finally moved, as gently as he could as to not wake her, and slowly lowered her head down onto a couch cushion. “Is she all right?”

“I think she’s just exhausted.” Asougi replied softly. He headed towards the hallway, likely to leave her be, and Ryuunosuke followed him. “Traveling such a long distance then immediately going into an investigation and trial… she must be tired.”

“How long has she been asleep?”

“About ten minutes.”

“Then why didn’t you move?”

“I didn’t want to wake her. Susato-chan really works herself too hard. She needs this.”

“Susato-chan…?” Ryuunosuke repeated. He had never heard Asougi refer to her in such a casual way before. She was always Judicial Assistant Mikotoba-san, such a long, formal name, that Asougi often would sometimes stumble over it, what with his problems with articulating sometimes. In fact, the way Asougi had said it made it almost sound rather childish. “Asougi, do you remember her?”

“…Kind of.”

“What does that mean? You either remember her or you don’t.”

“I said kind of.” He sighed. “When I see her… I don’t remember anything specific. No clear memories come to mind. But… I know that I know her, if that makes sense. I can just feel it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… when I look at her, I start to feel worried. I find myself wondering if she’s getting enough sleep, or if she’s eaten yet. I just get the feeling that I want to look out for her. Things like that.”

“Oh, I think that makes sense.” He smiled. “You really are a doting older brother, you know.”

“Older brother? Am I actually –”

“No, no, you’re… um...” He hesitated, not quite sure how to explain to him that he had been an orphan for the past decade and he was essentially just Susato’s adoptive brother. And he still didn’t know if Asougi truly saw himself as such, even if he acted like it. “You’ll figure it out eventually, I’m sure.”

“If you say so.”

“…Anyways, do you have any other feelings like that? Perhaps they could help aid your memory. Is there anything else you look at that makes you feel so strongly like that?”

“Hmm.” Asougi stopped abruptly and turned to face him, an absolutely determined look in his eyes. “You.”

“Um… me?”

“Yes.”

“How so?”

“From the start, I’ve gotten the sense that I know you. If I didn’t, I likely wouldn’t have let you take me here when you found me at that dock. I was still completely and utterly confused but… I somehow knew you were trustworthy. I just felt it.”

“Trustworthy, huh?”

Ryuunosuke thought about what Asougi had told him, nearly a year ago now, as they had spent the night before their long journey staying up together and chatting: I guess even while drunk, I must really trust you. It seemed the sentiment was still there. It didn’t matter how far gone Asougi’s mind was. That trust must still be there. Asougi must have really, really trusted him for it to go even this far.

“Is there anything else you feel while looking at me? Maybe I can help you remember something?”

He paused again, looking anxious all of a sudden. He clutched at his own arm, looking at the ground for a moment.

“You have to promise you won’t judge me too harshly.”

“There’s nothing I’d judge you for, A- Kazumie. I swear.”

Asougi said nothing for a moment, then stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Ryuunosuke’s waist. He ran his hand up and down his back, holding him close to his chest. It was the first time, he realized, that Asougi had ever held him, and he felt his heart pounding as he kept still in his arms.

“When I see you, I feel like I want to do something like this. I want to hold you and I never want to let go. I feel worried when I see you, too. I feel like I’ve almost lost you once, and I don’t want that to happen again. I want to protect you.” He squeezed Naruhodou a little tighter. “But it’s not just that. I feel a great deal of admiration when I look upon you. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like you’ve helped me before. And I feel so much safer just by looking at you, Naruhodou…”

“Naruhodou…?” Ryuunosuke repeated. All this time, he had always been Ryuunosuke the few occasions Asougi actually remembered his name, otherwise he would just stick to getting his attention by looking at him or tapping him on the shoulder. If he was calling him Naruhodou now, right as he was describing these feelings for him… then it meant that Asougi really was coming back. Slowly, in bits and pieces… but he was still here.

Ryuunosuke’s heart was pounding, and he shut his eyes against Asougi’s embrace, cherishing every last word he had heard. These must have been Asougi’s true feelings, a side to him he seriously doubted he’d get to see were it any other time. Before the incident on the ship all those months ago, Asougi had always seemed so cool and stoic it was hard to read him and even imagine that he really felt like this beneath the surface. He began to wonder if his other self had ever gotten to hear any of this. Did he know just how deeply Asougi cared for him?

“I’m sorry,” Asougi said abruptly, pulling away from him. “You probably don’t want to hear any of this. I don’t know what our relationship was like before I lost everything, but I seriously doubt that –”

Asougi was cut off when Ryuunosuke reached out and finally returned the hug.

“Safe is exactly how you make me feel too, Asougi.” Ryuunosuke said. “I told you about our relationship in the past, but I don’t think I told you the details. You’re my best friend. I’ve known you for years now and words can’t describe how deeply I cherish you. And what you said about almost losing me? That’s true. I was accused of murder once before, and you protected me. It’s because of you I’m even here right now, rather than rotting away in prison.” He squeezed him tighter too, resting his head upon his shoulder. “I admire you too, Asougi. So, so much. You’re the whole reason I’m here right now, pursuing law and solving mysteries when I had always figured I was just some lowly English student. I look up to you so much more than you could possibly believe. And I want to protect you, too.”

“From what?”

“From…” Ryuunosuke muttered into Asougi’s shoulder. He trailed off there, not knowing how to continue. What was he to say? That Asougi was due to die only a few months from now? That despite knowing that, Ryuunosuke still didn’t know what to do about it? That he loved him and would give anything to keep him safe and that was why he was even in his arms in the first place? “O-oh, it’s not something you should worry yourself over.”

“But…”

“It’s okay.” He leaned up and gave Asougi a quick kiss on the cheek. It was something he had wanted to do for a long while now and though his hands were trembling significantly and he could feel himself sweating, he wouldn’t say he regretted it. Not now, when he knew Asougi likely felt the same deep down. At the very least, his distraction seemed to work. Asougi looked stunned, his eyes wide and his face a little pink as he properly registered what had happened. “I just worry a lot. About everything. It’s something about me I’m sure you’ll come to remember in time.”

“I-if you say so.” He muttered, looking away rather bashfully.

Ryuunosuke just smiled at him, wondering if this is what his reaction would be like if he had told him he loved him. It was just another thing he determined he’d do, once he ensured Asougi was safe for good.

When Professor Mikotoba finally arrived home that night with Holmes, he looked thrilled to pieces to see Asougi once again, and as Susato and Iris helped Holmes out in the kitchen for dinner, he asked to speak with Asougi alone for a few moments. Ryuunosuke sat on the couch not too far away from the hallway, staring anxiously at his own hands as he grabbed a hold of the fabric of his pants then let go, over and over again. He was nervous to say the least- heart pounding, his back sweating… after all, this was it. His letter had informed him that if there was any bet at getting Asougi’s memories back in a kind, gentle environment rather than through Van Zieks’s harsh words and that ugly, horrible statue… it’d be through Professor Mikotoba. If this didn’t work… Ryuunosuked gulped, not quite sure what he’d do if that was the case. So he just sat there and waited, his heart pounding in his chest, as he could do nothing else aside from hope for the best.

That’s when finally, finally, he heard it – a sharp, horrible cry, coming from Holmes’s bedroom, as well as the sound of something crashing to the floor. Ryuunosuke immediately bolted over there and swung the door open. He was going to say something and ask if everything was all right, but the sight before him left him speechless. Asougi was leaning heavily against Professor Mikotoba, his hand clinging tightly to the fabric of Mikotoba’s jacket. He looked pale, and frightened, his wide eyes fixed on the ground as he panted heavily, seemingly on the verge of a breakdown. Professor Mikotoba on the other hand was holding him in turn, rubbing soft, soothing circles into his back as he gently whispered, it’s all right, Asougi-kun, it’s all right… It reminded Ryuunosuke of a parent comforting their child after a nightmare, and he realized that likely wasn’t too far off from the truth.

Ryuunosuke looked to the floor, where he noticed what had been dropped. A thick, heavy photo album, and Ryuunosuke noticed now that this was what Asougi’s eyes were glued on. It was open to a page in the middle, where Ryuunosuke noticed an old photograph of a family. It depicted Genshin, much younger and even clean-shaven, standing next to a beautiful woman Ryuunosuke could only assume was Sayaka, his wife. She was cradling an infant; it was Asougi, of course, sleeping away peacefully his mother’s arms as his parents looked at the camera. A much younger Professor Mikotoba was with them too, not looking much older than his early twenties himself. They were all smiling happily at the camera, completely unaware of the turbulent future that lay ahead of them.

Asougi’s breathing finally began to settle as Professor Mikotoba kept whispering gentle assurances to him, and he finally looked up from the picture on the ground at Ryuunosuke. For nearly the first time in months, his eyes looked clear and focused and utterly determined, just like they were supposed to be, and Kazuma Asougi had finally returned.

Chapter Text

Ryuu, once Asougi gets his memories back, things are going to get… rather complicated. Remember that mission he’s supposed to fulfill, the one he’s been rather vague about? That mission is so important to him that without even remembering what it was, he still headed to London for its sake anyways. Needless to say, once his memories return and he remembers what his mission is, his first goal in mind is to see it out, and that’s precisely what he’ll do.

“Asougi, what are you doing?”

The night Asougi got his memories back, he quickly headed back to his and Ryuunosuke’s shared bedroom and didn’t come back out, not even when dinner was ready. Everyone decided to give him his space – suddenly remembering who he was and everything that had happened to him in such a short period of time must have been painful; both Professor Mikotoba and Ryuunosuke witnessed that pain first hand. After dinner had ended and most everyone went to bed, Asougi still didn’t emerge, so Ryuunosuke chose to wait on the couch downstairs until he finally came out.

It wasn’t until early the next morning, before the sun had even risen, that Ryuunosuke finally heard the door creak open. The sound actually woke him up; try as he might to stay vigilant he wound up falling asleep anyways, and by the time he groggily sat up, Asougi was nearly at the door, a bag in hand and Karuma firmly attached to his belt.

“Naruhodou…” He muttered. “I’m sorry, did I wake you? Why are you sleeping on the couch?”

“You locked the door to our room…” He yawned.

“Oh... right. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Now where are you going?”

“I’ve got work I need to do.”

“But it’s so early…”

“And I’m so far behind.” He said firmly. “I’ve been here for how many months now, and I still haven’t done anything but sit in the house all day!”

“I’m sorry, Asougi. I didn’t mean to hold you back… I just didn’t think it’d be right to immediately send you to the courtrooms when you didn’t even remember your own name. I just wanted to help you.”

“You…” Any anger had quickly melted away and he sighed. “You did help me. I suppose I’m just angry at myself for taking so long.”

“It’s not your fault. You should take all the time you need to heal.”

“I’m fine, Naruhodou. I’ve taken enough time as is.”

“Why are you in such a hurry? Asougi, you should at least have something to eat.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“But you didn’t even have anything for dinner last night.”

“I’m fine, quit worrying so much.” He turned to face the door again. “I’ll see you later.”

“Can you at least tell me where you’re going?”

“It’s something to do with my mission.”

“Which is?”

“It’s… not important.”

After he gets his memories back, Asougi still isn’t entirely himself. While he remembers most everything initially, there’s still quite a bit about himself that he doesn’t remember. This leads him to be a bit cold and standoffish towards you and Susato-san, as it is his mission that’s on the forefront of his mind. Please try to be patient. But…

“Just stay here and stay safe, okay?”

I want you to tell him not to pursue his mission.

“Safe… What do you mean?”

This is a near impossible task, and I don’t think he’s going to listen to you.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

But I still want you to try.

“Asougi…”

“Goodbye, Naruhodou.”

“Wait!” He rushed over from the couch to Asougi and grabbed ahold of his hand, gently. “Please… can you stay here? Or at the very least, can I come with you? You’re scaring me, Asougi.”

“Naruhodou…” He held Ryuunosuke’s hands in his own, and smiled gently at him. “You’re sweet. But honestly, there’s nothing to be scared of. I’m going to be just fine. There’s just a quick matter that I need to attend to, and then this little trip of ours can continue as planned. All right?”

“Asougi…”

“Thank you for taking care of me. Really, I appreciate it. But I can take care of myself now.” He squeezed Naruhodou’s hands before finally letting them go. “I’ll be back soon, I promise.”

If he won’t listen to you, then there’s something I need you to tell him.

He finally opened the door and headed out into the brisk, autumn morning.

Something that might make him stop. Or at the very least, think things through a bit better.

“A-Asougi!”

He followed after him and grabbed ahold of his sleeve. Thankfully Asougi stopped in his tracks, waiting for him to speak.

“I... I can’t tell you what to do. And I know that coming here was your life’s dream, so… I’m not going to hold you back any longer. But please… I need you to listen to me just this once.” He took a deep breath. “Asougi, if you run into detective Gregson… please be careful.”

Asougi turned around quickly, looking wide-eyed and frightened, but once he noticed Ryuunosuke staring calmly back at him, he took a deep breath and seemingly swallowed his surprise at the statement, for now.

“I’ll do my best.”

Ryuunosuke supposed that was the best he could ask for, and he finally let go of Asougi’s sleeve, letting him walk away until he faded into the early morning fog.

Ryuunosuke didn’t hear from Asougi again until a few days later, when he had been arrested for the murder of Tobias Gregson.

Ryuunosuke and Susato headed to the detention center as soon as they had gotten the news. It had been a stressful couple of days for the two of them. Ryuunosuke would wait up for Asougi, nearly every single night, but Asougi never returned home. Not a single time. Ryuunosuke had caught word that he had headed to the Old Bailey and was finally appointed as an attorney, like he had intended so from the start. He had yet to serve a single case yet, however. And just before he could be assigned anything… this had happened.

Ryuunosuke had been a mess of nerves the whole week. As he read the letter telling him of the turbulent events that were going to happen in the days to come, it had made him all the more anxious, especially since he was unable to do anything about them. With Asougi gone… there was nothing he could change or alter. He just didn’t expect that something like this would happen. It was so completely off course from what the letter had told him to expect that he found himself at a loss. What in the world had he said or done that lead to this conclusion?

After Asougi gets his memories back, the first thing he will do is dive headfirst into his mission. This wouldn’t have been a problem if his one and only mission in London were to prove his father’s innocence. It’s true that that’s his ultimate goal. But… there’s another mission he was sent on that allowed him to even come here in the first place. Something far more sinister that was forced upon my friend, something that I couldn’t have even begun to imagine.

Naruhodou rushed up to the bars of the moment they were let in. He and Susato had visited this prison many, many times before to talk to frightened defendants before their trials, but somehow it felt entirely different this time. This time, he felt horrified.

“Asougi!!”

Asougi was sitting towards the back wall of his cell, his legs drawn up to his chest, and his head pressed against his knees. Ryuunosuke would have thought him to be asleep, had he not flinched at the sound of him calling his name. However, he made no effort to move and just sat there, frozen in place.

“Go away, Naruhodou.”

“Kazuma-sama!” Susato exclaimed, squeezing the bars herself. “Please, talk to us.”

“Susa-” He finally looked up. “Judicial Assistant Mikotoba-san? What are you doing here?”

The two of them didn’t say anything for a moment, simply stunned by Asougi’s appearance. Ryuunosuke remembered that when he had been arrested for Dr. Watson’s murder, he hadn’t been in the best shape. Considering his supposed crime could have lead to a nationwide disaster, it was no surprise to him in the slightest that he had been treated roughly upon his arrest. He remembered the bruises on his wrists from heavy shackles being forced upon him had lasted nearly a week after he had been released. And it seemed Asougi hadn’t been treated much better.

It looked as though he had been in a fight. There was bruising on his wrists and forearms, and Ryuunosuke noticed some dried blood on his forehead. Professor Mikotoba’s old suit was messy and in disarray; the jacket was gone and Naruhodou noticed a little blood on the beige fabric of his vest. It made Ryuunosuke’s blood run cold. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to reach out and hold him, and kiss those ugly bruises away, but being unable to do so he simply took a deep breath so his voice wouldn’t falter.

“What happened to you?” Ryuunosuke asked.

“It’s not important.” Asougi replied curtly.

“You’re important to us, you know.” Ryuunosuke knelt down too, so he was at eye level with him. “Please talk to us. We just want to help you.”

“I don’t need any help.”

“Kazuma-sama, just look at you. You clearly need – ”

“I already told you I’m fine. This looks worse than it is and if Naruhodou could defend himself, then so can I. Just stay out of it, you two. …Please.”

“Oh, don’t worry for our sake. Naruhodou-sama and I have stood in court many, many times. I guarantee that we’ll have no problem defending you.”

“It’s not your skills I’m concerned about. I have no doubt that the two of you are fantastic attorneys. Likely better than a fraud like me could ever hope to be.”

“Asougi…”

“But I want you two to stay out of this case because it’s dangerous. It’s my responsibility to deal with what happened, not yours. So please… just do yourselves a favor and go home.”

“Can you at least tell us what happened to you? Please; we’re worried about you.”

“It…” The cold, icy façade melted for a moment, and Asougi looked hesitant; anxious, even. He glanced at the stone floor beneath his feet and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. And you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

As if to make a point that the conversation was finished, Asougi turned around so he was facing the wall and said nothing more. Susato glanced at Ryuunosuke, at a loss herself, clearly wanting to say something but unsure of where to proceed. However, what Asougi said had given Ryuunosuke an idea. After all, it had been incredibly similar to something the letter had told him earlier.

Ryuu, before I tell you what happens on the night of the 31^st, I need you to promise me something. Promise me that no matter what I say, no matter how distressing and frightening the information I provide you is, that you will still believe in Asougi. Because at the end of the day, no matter what happened that night, Asougi is still the best friend that you loved spending everyday with, that was always able cheer you up when you were feeling down, that always managed to inspire you just by opening his mouth and he’s the man you fell in love with. Please don’t forget that. Please.

“Mikotoba-san?”

“Yes?”

“I need to speak with Asougi alone for a moment. Is that all right?”

“Oh... all right, if you insist. I’ll be right outside if you need me.” She sighed and grazed her hand against the cold iron bar one last time. “Goodbye, Kazuma-sama.”

“…Judicial Assistant Mikotoba-san?” Asougi still didn’t turn back around but he glanced back at her for a moment. “Does, um… does Iris know I’m here?”

“Iris-chan… no, I don’t think so.”

“Good. Can you please keep it that way? I don’t want her worrying over me. I didn’t even mean to have the two of you worry over me.”

“You really care for her, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

“Then Naruhodou-sama and I will make sure you’re able to come home to her. And to all of us.” She smiled at him then bowed. “Take care, Kazuma-sama.”

Ryuunosuke was silent until the heavy door was shut behind her. He was hoping that now that they were alone, Asougi would say something, but no such luck. He’d have to work through this himself.

“Asougi, the night before we left for London… do you remember what we talked about?”

“No, not really.” He sighed. “Naruhodou, my memory isn’t very good. At least not anymore. Things are still slowly coming back to me.”

“Well… I told you that you could rely on me if you needed to. And you promised me you would.”

“Things are different now. It isn’t safe for you to get involved, and I’d prefer you stay out of it. And like I said my story… it’s simply not believable. If I had heard it from you I doubt even I would – ”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Asougi. Because something like that did happen, remember? When I was accused of murder, no one believed me. My story was pitiful. All I could say was that I didn’t know what happened, I just found him like that, I didn’t mean to pick up the gun, no I didn’t see anyone else but I swear it wasn’t me. It really doesn’t get more unbelievable than that.” He scooted closer to the bars of the cell, wishing he could reach out and comfort him, but Asougi still didn’t move, let alone look at him. “But despite that, you believed in me. Guilt was written all over me but you still chose to believe in me anyways, just because I was your friend. You were willing to give everything up just to defend me. What makes you think I wouldn’t be willing to do the same for you?”

Asougi said nothing still.

“It’s because of your mission, isn’t it? You think I’m not going to believe you because you were sent here to kill Gregson-san, right?”

“How – ” Asougi finally turned around, clearly shocked. “How the hell do you know about that?”

“Because you told me.”

Asougi’s mission in England was to kill Detective Gregson. When I found out about this, I was terrified. Could my dear, wonderful friend really agree to go through with something so cruel? He initially told me it was something he readily agreed with, and this only served to terrify me further. He told me that as to not make me pity him. He’s not one to want others worrying for his sake, and by that point he already figured that Susato-san and I no longer trusted him due to his involvement with the case. Why bother defending himself when that wasn’t the point of the trial? He just wanted to solve his father’s case, and admitting that was only another piece to the incredibly convoluted puzzle. It wasn’t until later I discovered that he had been cruelly forced into it by Jigoku. Had he not agreed with it, he would’ve never been able to travel to London, and his dream would have died then and there. He had no other choice.

But please believe me when I tell you that he never ever planned on going through with it. If saying yes was his only way to get to London, then he’d say yes. But that doesn’t mean he’d actually act upon it. I don’t know how he was planning on getting around it, but I know for certain that was his will. Asougi is no killer. Please remember that. Believe in him.

“When did I tell you?”

“Um… The night you lost your memories. You confided in me just before we went to sleep.” He supposed it wasn’t really a lie if that had been Asougi’s intention back then.

“And you – you’re not mad at me for it?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Why wouldn’t you be mad? I agreed to take someone’s life! You should think I’m horrible!”

“It would be, had you intended on going through with it. But there’s no way that’s the case. You were forced into it – and I can’t even begin to imagine how frightening that must have been for you.”

“Forced into it, huh? What makes you so sure?”

“Because I know you. And you would never kill anyone.”

“Well… what if I got really angry?”

“Asougi… are you going to tell me what happened now?”

“…I suppose you’ve given me little choice.”

Shady things are always occurring in London. People that know things that could cause the government problems are often taken care of under suspicious circumstances. That is where Van Zieks’s “curse” came from. The defendants he couldn’t convict that died later on were not killed because of him. He was an unknowing scapegoat; he would conveniently be assigned defendants that the government didn’t want running free, and should he not convict them… well, they’d be killed off later by a government-hired assassin. They’re called the Death Bringers, and Detective Gregson was one of them.

However, not only was Detective Gregson a Death Bringer, but he was also involved in several government conspiracies. He was one of the few people to know the truth of a certain case ten years ago, one that was the beginning to all of this Death Bringer nonsense. I am, of course, talking about The Professor Killings. However, years after the fact, Chief Justice Vortex determined there were still two people left who knew too much about the truth of that case and needed to be taken care of: John Watson and Detective Gregson. However, because John Watson was residing in Japan, Vortex came up with a different plan. He would send an assassin from England over to Japan, posing as a University student so she could kill Watson, and she would be sent home no questions asked due to her status as British woman. He asked his co-conspirator, Seishirou Jigoku to do the same for Detective Gregson. However, Jigoku had other ideas. Instead of finding an assassin, he chose Asougi and forced him into it. Asougi is the last person alive who would question the events of his father’s death, and he must of known that, what with Asougi confronting him about it when he was just a teenager. He was going to send Asougi to England and force him to kill a British detective, knowing that it would all likely end in his death. After all, a British woman can kill a British man on Japanese soil and get away with it. But in what world could Asougi get away with killing a British man in England? Even if Jigoku had promised him a safe return, I doubt it would have happened. He was planning on getting Asougi killed from the start. However, his plan was ruined when Asougi “died” long before his mission could be completed. With no other choice, he decided to travel to England himself and finish what was started.

Which brings us to the night of the 31^st. After finally regaining his memories, Asougi immediately went to pursue his mission. Chief Justice Vortex sent him and Detective Gregson to a ship called the S.S. Balabrock on a death bringer mission together; though it was all a ruse. Gregson was lead to believe they’d be killing someone else when all the while, Asougi was supposed to kill him. Asougi had no intention of doing so. He knew that Detective Gregson had been involved with his father’s case and planned on merely questioning him, then leaving to solve the rest of it on his own. However, Gregson didn’t tell Asougi what he wanted to hear. He implied that there was more to his father’s case, and that his father had been framed for the final killing, but he wouldn’t go into detail beyond that. Despite believing from the start that his father had been framed, knowing that one of the men behind his father’s death was standing right before him threw Asougi into a rage and he attacked him.

Please believe me when I say that’s all he did.

Asougi missed, chipping the blade of Karuma in a suitcase behind Gregson. After that, Asougi left the ship and spent the night in France to cool off before returning to England the next day. He had no idea that while he was gone, Jigoku had completed his mission for him. He killed Gregson that night, hid his body away before dumping it in an abandoned building in London the next day. He was planning on pinning the crime on a civilian, but by sheer, unfortunate luck, Van Zieks was investigating that particular building and was accused of the murder when he discovered the body.

Ryuunosuke knew about all of this while coming in today. What he really wanted to know is what had happened to cause things to turn out so differently. Why was Asougi sitting before him, looking battered and exhausted in a jail cell, when it should have been Van Zieks he was talking to? Clearly Ryuunosuke’s meddling had done something to change this timeline, but what in the world was it?

And above all else… he needed to know he hadn’t done something to actually provoke Asougi into committing the crime.

“Last night, I was sent to carry out my mission and kill Gregson. The two of us headed to the S.S. Balabrock together; he was under the impression that we were sent there to kill Jigoku, not knowing that the whole time it was his life I was after. But… I wasn’t going to go through with it. I just wanted to question him on the events of ten years ago, and that was it.”

“And what did he tell you?”

“I… he told me something that I already knew. But hearing it spoken out loud was entirely different. I kept pestering him. I told him who I was, and that I needed to know the truth of what happened ten years ago. I kept badgering him again and again until he finally admitted it: the final autopsy report that sealed my father’s guilt had been tampered with. Everything that happened all those years ago was set up.” Ryuunosuke noticed him curling his hand into a fist. “I knew that from the start. I knew that there was no way my father was the professor. There was no way he was as horrible a person as everyone was making him out to be. He had to have been framed. But just… hearing it spoken aloud, by one of the men who had caused it… it threw me into a rage. And I attacked him.”

Asougi looked tensed and uneasy, but there was a dark look in his eyes that Ryuunosuke had never seen before. He got the feeling that if he asked, Asougi would admit that he didn’t regret his actions. He knew to trust the letter he had received, and that he should trust in Asougi no matter what he said, but he couldn’t help but feel a chill run up his spine. It was no wonder his other self had been terrified upon learning all of this. But there had to be more to it, plain as that. Asougi could be hotheaded and he knew it; this time it had just gone a little too far. But he was still good. He just knew it.

“Asougi… what exactly did you do to him?”

“Nothing. In a fit of rage I swung Karuma down into a suitcase sitting behind him. I decided to leave it at that, then left.”

“You didn’t hurt him?”

“No. I’ll admit that I thought about it, but no.”

“So what happened next?”

“Well… I planned on leaving Gregson and all that mess behind. I’d pay for failing my mission later. Now that I knew more of the truth to my father’s case, I was more determined than ever to solve it. I decided I was going to come back home to you, explain everything that had happened, and then solve it together. Now that I knew my belief wasn’t misplaced, I had no fears left. We could solve everything together, just like we had planned. But…”

He reached his hand up and idly ran it through his thick hair, tensing a little bit at the contact. His hand wasn’t too far from the dried blood on his forehead; it didn’t take a genius to realize that the wound was likely still tender.

“Asougi, what happened to you?”

“I was going to leave, but then I thought about what you told me.”

“What I told you?”

“Yeah. Just before I left you about a week ago, you told me that if I ran into Gregson, I should be careful. And I realized I wasn’t being careful at all. I was sent here to kill him, and I did attack him. Not only that, but I realized that there was the chance he might complete the fake mission he had been sent on in my place. If that happened… it would be so easy to pin the crime on me. After all, I was supposed to be the assassin. And I remembered I had chipped Karuma’s blade in the room. There was proof I had been there, that I had attacked someone and I realized it wouldn’t take much for me to wind up framed for the crime, just like my father. So I decided to go back, and remove any trace that I had been there, so I could go back home to you guys and do what I came really here for. But… by the time I got back, he was already dead.”

“Do…” He gulped, remembering for himself just how terrifying it was to find a body. He hoped that Asougi was stronger than he was, because the image of Watson’s slumped over corpse sitting just before him still haunted him to this day. “Do you know what happened to him?”

“No. I immediately went to investigate the body and find out what happened. But I didn’t get a very good look at it, because before I could do much, someone struck me from behind, and I was knocked out cold.” He rubbed his head again before flinching away from the pain. “When I woke up, everything hurt, the killer was gone, and I was being arrested for the murder.”

“Asougi… I’m so sorry.”

“For what?”

“This is all my fault. If I hadn’t told you to be careful around Gregson, you wouldn’t have gone back. Then you wouldn’t even be here right now and you wouldn’t have been hurt so badly… I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Naruhodou. Now that I know you knew my mission all along, I realize you were only trying to tell me not to go through with it. It’s my fault for being brash as usual instead of hearing you out. This is entirely my fault.”

“Still… it looks like they really hurt you. I remember they were really rough with me when I got arrested but this is just horrible.”

“That’s because this wasn’t just from my arrest. Naruhodou, what did they tell you when you heard I was arrested?”

“Oh… I haven’t really heard anything yet. The moment I was told you were arrested I immediately rushed over. I didn’t really know any of the details.”

“Well, the story that’s going around is that Gregson and I got into an argument, which escalated into a pretty bad fight. The cabin was apparently found in disarray. Gregson was dead from a shot to the heart, the tip of Karuma found stuck in a trunk just behind him. I was passed out not too far away, looking rather roughed up myself and with the gun placed in my hand. Put one and two together, and you get a murder that occurred after a bad struggle.”

“Wait… so you’re saying the killer did all this to you?”

“Yes. Gregson didn’t do anything to me except make me angry, yet I woke up looking like this. Jigoku must have done it to me to make the crime scene more convincing; otherwise it’d look like I had been attacked after discovering the body, rather than looking like the culprit myself.”

“You think Jigoku-san is behind this?”

“I know he is. After all, the fake mission Gregson and I were sent on was to kill him. We were in his cabin. I come back, Gregson’s dead, and he’s not there. It’s the only possible answer.”

“I see…” It seemed the story Asougi was telling wasn’t all that different from the one that was supposed to happen. If things really went as he said it did, then Jigoku would be the culprit just as before. If anything this made things slightly easier for Ryuunosuke; since Asougi was framed for the crime so early on, it meant he didn’t have to solve the mess of when Gregson had originally died and how his body had wound up in the abandoned apartment building his future self had described. However that meant a great deal of what the letter said wouldn’t help him. After all, this was a scenario his other self was never faced with. He glanced up at Asougi, realizing this was long road ahead of him.

“So?” Asougi asked abruptly.

“So – er, what?”

“Do you still really want to defend me?”

“O-of course I do!”

“Naruhodou, I would recognize those twitching eyes anywhere. You’re scared.”

“Of course I’m scared! Asougi, seeing you like this is frightening!”

“This whole situation is frightening. I understand completely if you want to back down. I mean…” He sighed. “I acted foolishly. So much of this points to my guilt. I did come here to kill Gregson. Doesn’t matter that I promised myself I wouldn’t. There’s proof that I said I would, and no doubt that it will be presented at the trial, especially if Jigoku’s there. There’s evidence that I attempted to attack him, there’s evidence of a fight… I was even found in the damn room! This isn’t going to be an easy battle to win.”

Asougi had a point and he knew it. The letter his future self had left told him everything he’d need to know about Van Zieks’s trial. But this wasn’t Van Zieks’s trial anymore. And it seemed Asougi was going to be a far more difficult person to defend. Van Zieks had stumbled upon the crime scene on accident, and it didn’t take long for guilt to be lifted off his shoulders, even if the trial had wound up being drawn out longer. But Asougi was a different story. If he was almost accused of the crime in his other self’s world, where he wasn’t even the defendant… then what would things be like this time? Would he really be able to prove him innocent? Would anyone be able to do such a thing?

Ryuunosuke reached his hand towards the bars and placed it gently upon Asougi’s.

“Well, it’s a battle I intend to fight anyways.”

For once in his life, it seemed the ever bold, argumentative Asougi had nothing to say to that. He looked shocked, his weary eyes fixated upon their touching hands. Ryuunosuke got the feeling it was kinder than he had been treated in awhile and he began to rub his thumb gently against Asougi’s hand in soft, slow strokes; a silent reassurance that he wasn’t going to hurt him, that he was here to listen, to help, and that above all else, he believed in him. If Ryuunosuke didn’t know any better, he’d say Asougi looked like he was on the verge of tears at the sight of it.

“Naruhodou…” He took a deep breath, then slowly reached out for Ryuunosuke’s other hand and held it. “Then I suppose I have no choice but to place my life in your capable hands.”

“You mean it?”

“Of course I do. If I’m being honest… part of the reason I brought you along with me was in case something like this happened. You’ve already proven yourself to be a fantastic attorney. I was there, you know. Well… I was there for one of them. But Iris has been sure to fill me in on all your other trials. I can’t wait to see how far you’ve come. Though I sincerely wish it wasn’t under these circumstances.”

“It’s okay. I mean… that’s sort of how I had my courtroom debut.”

Asougi still didn’t look very happy, so Ryuunosuke just smiled at him.

“Nothing has changed. Asougi, I don’t know if you recall, but… before you got your memories back, I promised you that the two of us would serve in court together the moment you recovered. And I plan to keep that promise. I’ll get you out of this.”

“Naruhodou…”

Before Asougi could say anything else, they were interrupted by the footsteps of two approaching police officers. Ryuunosuke quickly drew his hands back, though he wanted nothing more than to hold onto them forever.

“Times up, it’s time for his interrogation.”

“All right.” Ryuunosuke said, finally getting to his feet. He shot a glance back at Asougi, who looked glum once again, the momentary hope in his eyes having clearly faded. Ryuunosuke wanted to tell the guards to be gentle with him; hadn’t he been through enough already? But somehow he doubted they’d grant him such sympathy. Besides, he didn’t want to run the risk of angering them and causing them to retaliate. He had been in Asougi’s position once before, and he knew better than anyone just how cruelly he’d likely be treated. “I’ll believe in you until the very end, I promise. So keep your head up, okay?”

Asougi didn’t get the chance to say anything more to him, but as he was being shackled and taken away, he made sure to turn back and smile at Ryuunosuke one last time; and though he looked weary and a little worse for wear, it was still the beautiful smile that never failed lift Ryuunosuke’s spirits, and he was determined to protect it, no matter what the cost.

Chapter Text

The trial over Gregson’s death begins swiftly; after all, he’s a renowned detective for Scotland Yard and his case is shrouded in mystery. However, the case was considered to be high profile and extremely rooted in government scandal. Needless to say, the jury wasn’t present like they usually were, and rather than the Judge you’re used to presiding over the case, Chief Justice Vortex decided to watch over the proceedings himself. Needless to say, this trial is stacked against you from the start.

Ryuunosuke had figured that would be the case. For months now, the letter had been warning him of the dramatic, life-altering trial that was to come. And now that it was finally upon him, he found himself terrified. Sure, he knew the answers. Well, most of the answers. Chances were some things were going to be different as this wasn’t the scenario his other self had lived through. But he’d find a way through it. For Asougi’s sake, he’d find a way through it. Besides, he had a secret weapon. A single, solitary piece of evidence that would change things for good once he presented it.

The truth of ten years ago is hidden beneath a complex web of lies all set up by Chief Justice Vortex and his many accomplices. Ten years ago, Van Zieks’s older brother, Klimt, killed a British noble on a single, violent whim. Vortex found out about this and decided to blackmail him, forcing him to kill anyone that stood in his way on his path to more power. And thus the infamous “Professor” was born.

Genshin Asougi, who was on an exchange trip to England along with Professor Mikotoba and Jigoku, was assigned to work with Klimt. He discovered his secret and turned him in to, as bad luck would have it, Vortex. Of course Vortex didn’t help him or even acknowledge him, not wanting to lose his precious death bringer so quickly. Frustrated, Genshin decided to take matters into his own hands. He confronted Klimt about it and they settled on a deal. The two of them would duel to the death, and whoever lived would confess everything. They both wrote wills containing the truth of everything that was going on, and they fought. Genshin won. While Genshin is not the Professor, he did actually murder Van Zieks’s brother. To this day, I can still remember the devastation on Asougi’s face when he learned that to be true.

Ryuunosuke glanced up at Asougi, who was being lead into the courtroom by bailiffs. He shuddered at the very idea of how much the trial to come was going to hurt him, but he supposed Asougi would have to learn about this sooner or later. At the very least he’d be in the same room to support him all the while.

Genshin was arrested for Klimt’s murder. And to further prove his guilt, Vortex ordered one of his Death Bringers – Detective Gregson – to steal Genshin’s family ring. From there he had Dr. Watson place it in Klimt’s stomach during his autopsy, making it seem as though Klimt had swallowed it himself as a last ditch effort to implicate Genshin. The evidence was overwhelming, and Genshin was quickly arrested. While in prison, Vortex made a deal with Genshin. He ordered Genshin to agree to be framed as the Professor. If he did so, Vortex would fake his execution, and he would get to return home. Genshin only agreed when Vortex threatened to never let him see his family again. So, Genshin was “executed” as the Professor in a rigged trial Van Zieks was unwittingly a part of; putting Klimt’s own brother in a position where he would never ask any more questions about the incident as he was satisfied with the conclusion.

However, something went wrong with Genshin’s faked execution. On the night he was supposed to be unearthed, a grave robber got to him first. Knowing everything would be compromised if the incident were to be reported, Vortex forced Jigoku to murder Genshin instead. He was reburied then and there, and Genshin was dead for real this time. Vortex and Jigoku parted ways, promising to never speak of the event again.

But Genshin had figured that there was the possibility of something going wrong with this plan. He knew that Vortex was a tricky man, and he likely wouldn’t have been shocked that he was going to be killed at the end anyways. So he hid the incriminating parts of the will he and Klimt had written in the hilt of Karuma. The wills alone explain the truth of the Professor Killings, as well as who was really behind the whole ordeal: Vortex. When the time in the trial comes for you to present this, where all eyes are you, where a great deal of London is watching, then it’s over. Vortex’s crimes will finally be brought to light, and the justice system in London can finally begin to change for the better.

All you have to do is make sure the trial leads you to the incident of ten years ago. Then all of this can finally be over. It’s all up to you, Ryuu. But if I could do it, I don’t doubt that you can, too.

Ryuunosuke slapped both of his cheeks together just as Vortex was asking him if the defense was ready. He noticed the ever-serious Asougi had to try and stifle a laugh at that, something which earned him a glare from both the prosecution as well as the bailiffs in the room. The atmosphere was tense and heavy, but at the very least he had gotten Asougi to smile. He got the feeling he wasn’t going to be doing much of that in the coming days.

It was actually pretty easy to turn the trial around and make it about the incident ten years ago. After all, it all tied in with Asougi’s so-called motive for the crime. Asougi was assigned to assassinate Gregson. Asougi was even willing to admit that that was indeed the truth. However, why was he asked to do so? As much as Van Zieks clearly wanted to convict Asougi right then and there, even he had had his suspicions about Gregson, and the trial was extended to further find out the truth.

However, that didn’t mean things went easily. The trial was extended for two whole days, and with each passing day resulting in no clear verdict, Ryuunosuke grew more and more anxious that he wouldn’t be able to protect Asougi like his other self had done for Van Zieks. Not only that, but Van Zieks serving as prosecutor wasn’t helping. While he was agreeing to extend the case to further investigate what Gregson was really up to and the events that all lead to this, it was clear that he wanted nothing more than for Asougi to be convicted. As Genshin’s prosecutor, he had no problem letting the whole court know that this Japanese boy was the son of the notorious Professor, and that it was no surprise he would follow his father’s footsteps and become a vicious, heartless killer as well.

Whenever he made any comments like that, it would infuriate Asougi. Ryuunosuke had been able to tolerate Van Zieks’s often abrupt and irrelevant racism before when it was just petty insults directed at him, but now that it was Asougi being forced to endure it, it was frustrating him. Asougi had far more pride than he did, and it was clear that Van Zieks’s words were getting under his skin. Despite his status as a defendant, Asougi would often directly object to what Van Zieks was saying himself. It seemed despite Van Zieks not being involved with this case at all, Asougi was determined to pin something on him, especially in regards to what happened ten years ago. Whenever this happened, Van Zieks would threaten to have him removed from the courtroom, but Vortex wouldn’t allow it. Ryuunosuke got the feeling Vortex was allowing Asougi’s behavior because it only dug a deeper hole from himself. After all, if the court got to see the professor’s son being quick to vicious anger, then they wouldn’t doubt that he could be capable of murder as well.

Seeing Asougi like this made him uneasy. He knew Asougi could be hot headed and get angry easily, but this was entirely new. He had never seen Asougi direct this much malice, this much hatred towards anyone before. But years of frustration kept barely beneath the surface had clearly piled up and now, when it seemed like it was now or never, it had all come spilling out. If Ryuunosuke hadn’t seen this coming, if he hadn’t known the true reason for this desperation and anger, he would likely have grown fearful. And if he didn’t know from the start that Asougi was innocent, he might find that belief in him vanishing. But thankfully, the letter had warned him about this:

During the trial, Asougi is going to get very angry. Actually, angry doesn’t even begin to describe it. He’s furious. And because of this, he begins to act impulsively. He tries to pin everything on Van Zieks; both Gregson’s murder as well as the forgery that lead to his father’s execution. Despite an overwhelming amount of evidence proving the contrary, he still fights tooth and nail to try and prove it. He had had his suspicions on Van Zieks for a long time now. He hates him for being the prosecutor to seal his father’s fate and thinks he was part of the conspiracy to implicate him. It takes him awhile to get past that assumption and strive for the truth. To this day, I can still remember the expression of blind fury on his face as he seemed to simply ignore what I said, wanting nothing more than to pin everything on Van Zieks.

However, I wasn’t as mature about it as I could have been, either. I realize now that I idolized Asougi too much. Back before all of this, when we were merely friends at university, it had been so easy to make him out to be this larger than life figure, this perfect, infallible person that I knew I could never be, no matter how hard I strived. I knew so little about what was going on in his life that I assumed he had no problems. I never bothered to wonder why Asougi was so determined to pursue law or travel to London. I just blindly followed behind him, so enamored with how perfect he seemed to me that I never bothered to ask what was on his mind, or if anything was troubling him. 

Because of this, the moment that image of my perfect friend began to falter, I immediately found myself losing faith in him. I hate to admit it but… I began to even feel disdain for him. I felt betrayed that he had hidden so much from me, I was upset that he was being so stubborn, and I was terrified to think that the friend I had grown to love might actually be a heartless killer. I even voiced this out loud. I remember multiple times during this case, Susato-san and I discussed our growing doubts in him. Even she completely lost hope in him, and in that very courtroom, right before him and everyone else, we openly admitted that he wasn’t the person we loved anymore and he might as well have been a stranger to us.

I wish, sincerely, that I hadn’t done that. I’m not upset at Susato-san for it. She was seventeen and thrown into this whole mess; it was no wonder she was overwhelmed. But I, on the other hand, had no excuse. After all, I let my disdain for Asougi’s seldom-seen emotions blind me so much that I couldn’t even bother to wonder why he was feeling them in the first place. I had no personal connection to this case. Asougi did, and to him, it was everything. Years upon years of giving up everything for the sake of his father’s fate had lead to this very moment. And as the trial seemed to be getting more and more out of hand, he saw his one chance at saving his family slipping away. Of course this upset him! There was even a point in the trial where things seemed so helpless that he nearly broke down, crying out in defeat. And I… I didn’t care. I thought he was pathetic. I didn’t feel any concern for him, I never asked him if he was all right, and after the trial had ended and all was said and done… I just acted like it had never happened. Neither of us apologized for anything and we just buried it away, and I didn't talk to him again until I left England a few days later. I sincerely wish I hadn’t done that. He was still my friend, and friends shouldn’t care for one another only when times are good.

Asougi is wrong. He’s wrong for trying to pin this crime on someone who’s clearly innocent and it’s wrong of him to prosecute based on his own bias rather than evidence. But berating him and telling him to his face that you don’t care about him anymore isn’t the way to go about this, either. You need to convince him to listen to you. You need to remind him of what he’s really after: not revenge, but the truth. If he was able to realize that in my time, when I was completely and utterly unsupportive of him, then I have no doubt he will be able to do the same for you if you just remind him. Remember that he is still the friend you love so dearly; he’s just a little lost right now. He’s not usually like this, and I doubt he will ever be like this again. Just try to ask yourself – if you were at you lowest and on the verge of an emotional meltdown… how would you feel if the person you loved most thought you were horrible for it?

I know I sound like I’m being dramatic but… this is one of the biggest regrets I have. I never got the chance to talk it out with him before he died. We didn’t get many opportunities to talk between this trial and the day he died, so… I never got the chance to tell him that I didn’t mean it. And I know for a fact that he took everything I had said to heart for the remainder of his meager life.

As unreasonable as Asougi was acting, Ryuunosuke decided to listen to what the letter said. It had proven to be correct too many times for him to disobey it now. Besides, this situation would likely be a whole lot scarier if he was facing off against Asougi rather than defending him. As a defendant, Asougi’s bitter words held no merit. He was no threat to Van Zieks; merely a pain in his side throughout the trial. But nevertheless it was still jarring to see his friend act this way, so despite the uneasiness he kept quiet about it for now.

“The person standing here… is it really Kazuma-sama?” Susato asked abruptly.

“Mikotoba-san...?”

“To think the real reason he came here was kill Detective Gregson… I have a very bad feeling about this.” She shook her head. “Especially…with the current Kazuma-sama too emotional to see reason!”

Susato’s words sent a chill down Ryuunosuke’s spine. She had no letter of warning, no reason for her actions to stray from their initial path. He got the nagging idea that this is what she had said in his other self’s time, as well. Only back then, he had likely agreed with her and hadn’t noticed the way Asougi flinched when she had said it. But this time, things were going to be different. They were already different, if Asougi sitting in the defendant’s chair was any indication. But him being in that position was further reason that he needed support right now. 

“Mikotoba-san…” He said again. “Um... do you recall how we first met?”

“Huh?" She cocked her head in confusion at the abrupt change in subject. "Well… I interrupted the trial where you were forced to defend yourself.”

“Oh. I guess technically that’s right. I meant do you remember the first time we properly met?”

“You mean on the day of Kazuma-sama’s… 'death’?”

“Yes, that.”

“What about it?”

“Do you recall how you felt about me back then?”

“I…” She didn’t answer the question, instead choosing to look at the ground anxiously.

“It’s okay, you can admit it: you hated me. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, I promise. If I were in your place, I would feel the same. You thought I had done something horrible, and you hated me for it. But that’s how Asougi feels about Van Zieks-san right now. You should know better than anyone what he’s going through. Being frustrated that someone so dear to you was taken away so cruelly and taking it out on the first person that seems guilty... You must understand what that’s like, don’t you?”

“I suppose… I never thought about it that way before.”

“That’s all right. If Asougi and I hadn’t talked about what happened in the detention center the other day, I’m sure I would have done the same thing. In fact I know I would’ve done the same thing. But he’s our client. And right now, it’s our job to believe in him. As both our client… and our friend. After all… at the end of the day, he’s still Asougi. Just like how you were still Mikotoba-san, despite how scary I thought you were at first.”

“Scary…” She muttered. “Did I really come off as scary to you?”

“A little bit.” He replied, rubbing the back of his neck. “Your Susato toss hurts quite a bit, you know. But that’s all right. Because I was quickly able to discover what a wonderful person you are. It was worth a couple of tosses, I think.”

“Naruhodou-sama…” She sighed. “I guess it was just scary to see him act like this. The Kazuma-sama I knew was always so cool and calm.”

“Everyone has their days, I suppose. But I know he’s still the wonderful person we love so dearly.”

She said nothing for a moment and looked away from him, back up at Asougi at the defendant’s seat not too far away.

“Then… we’ll just have to defend him with all we’ve got and prove it then, won’t we?”

He smiled at her.

“That’s the spirit, Mikotoba-san!”

When he glanced back at Asougi, he noticed he looked the slightest bit more relaxed after likely overhearing that conversation. Ryuunosuke still had no idea what any of this had to do with Asougi’s death, but he decided not to dwell on it for now. Chances are it had nothing to do with anything aside from keeping him happy, but seeing Asougi calm down even a little when everything felt so hopeless was always a good thing. He was utterly determined to fix this timeline for the better, even through the smallest of gestures. And it seemed proving that he and Susato were here for him wasn’t a bad place to start.

After the trial ended, Asougi and I parted ways and we didn’t see each other again until the day the Mikotobas and I left. Usually Susato-san and I liked to celebrate after the trial by going to dinner with the defendant, like we had done back in Japan when I was acquitted of murder, but this time we didn’t do it. After learning his brother was a serial killer, Van Zieks was certainly not in the mood to celebrate with us. Asougi wasn’t much better, having suffered through the whole trial what with Van Zieks, Vortex, as well as Susato-san and I berating him and treating him like a monster when it wasn’t even his trial. Van Zieks apologized to him and us for his behavior, though Asougi readily admitted that it would take some time for him to forgive Van Zieks, he seemed remorseful enough of his own actions to really fight with him anymore. Susato-san and I proceeded to ignore him as we left and we went back home to 221B Baker Street with everyone else as though nothing had happened, not caring what our - to us at the time, former - friend did with his time.

I know I’ve been saying this a lot, but I really wish I hadn’t done that. I may have been mad at Asougi for hiding so much from me but ultimately… he hadn’t done anything but get upset, and my assumptions about him were wrong. I should have checked in with him, and asked if he was all right, and just… talked to him about what happened. But we didn’t. I ignored him and left, and he did the same, likely realizing that the deep bond we had once shared had been torn that day, and seeing how I was making no effort to try and even talk to him, he gave up and left it at that too. As I’ve said before, he’s never one to seek out help when he needs it. Please, if you can, reach out to him. It will make a world of difference.

That was thankfully fairly easy to do. After the trial Asougi nervously asked, despite everything they had all just learned about him and all he had done, if he could still come back to Holmes’s flat with everyone. Holmes agreed to, of course, but Iris had just about tackled him into a hug before he could even grant the permission, so the answer was an obvious yes.

That night, after dinner, Professor Mikotoba pulled me to the side, wanting to have a word with me. It was then he asked… no, he told me, to return home. London had no need for me anymore. Now that Asougi had regained his memories and was free of Vortex’s control, it was finally time for him to take his rightful place as Japan’s foreign exchange student. He told me that while I had proven myself as a great defense attorney, I could continue down that path if I so wanted to back in Japan; it was Asougi’s shoes I was still filling and I didn’t need to be here anymore. Asougi had all the help he needed with Susato-san remaining as his assistant. Asougi would be fine, and it was about time I let him finally live out his dream. I have never been one to harshly disagree with what I’m told to do. And besides, he had a point. I wasn’t even supposed to be there in the first place. And if I'm being honest, I wanted time to process what had happened, and I had no interest in spending time with that... "new" Asougi, so what reason did I have to stay?

To this day, agreeing with him and leaving Asougi behind is my biggest regret.

Years later, Professor Mikotoba told me that he regretted it too. He had no idea what compelled him to want to take off so quickly. He hadn’t seen Holmes or Iris in a decade, yet he still decided to up and leave like that. But he quickly wished he hadn’t done so. After we all learned of what had happened to Asougi in just a few short months after our departure, we regretted leaving him behind so quickly and not cherishing what little time he had left by spending it with him.

Susato-san was especially wrought with grief. Unbeknownst to her father and I, she went out of her way that night to meet with Asougi and told him she’d be leaving, too. After donning one of Asougi’s old uniforms and defending her best friend back in Japan, she realized that that was what she wanted to do. And staying in London as Prosecutor Asougi’s assistant wasn’t how she’d like to travel down that path. Of course Asougi let her go without any complaint; not wanting to be a burden on her future any longer. And she left without another word, happy to pursue a future without him.

And just like that, we left Asougi behind in London just days after his whole world had been turned upside down, and he had not a single person to turn to, as he had never even interacted with Holmes or Iris the whole time. We never had a legitimate conversation with him, never took the time to catch up with him, and never really made sure he was all right. We just went our separate ways, assuming everything was fine now and that we would all get to spend time together again somewhere along the line. We were wrong.

Ryuu, I am begging you to stay in London with Asougi. There is no rush to come home. I came back in just a few short months anyways because of Asougi’s untimely death. So why did I need to leave so quickly? If you’re not able to do that then just make sure someone is able to stay with him. If not you, then perhaps Susato-san, or maybe you can convince Holmes-san to take him in? I just… don’t want him to be by himself. As I said a long while ago, I truly do believe that Asougi’s death can be prevented long before the fact. If he never loses his memories… if I could have helped him on his journey to the truth rather than berate him and watch him suffer through it during an awful trial… if he had made friends with more people in London rather than being left to his own devices… then perhaps his death will already have been prevented.

But the fact of the matter is that I’m not sure. So please, stay with him. Please.

This part of the letter, unfortunately, was far easier said than done, Ryuunosuke thought as he boarded the ship.

He felt awful, but… what could he possibly do to prevent everyone from leaving? How could he explain why it was so imperative that he stay? Professor Mikotoba was right; he really didn’t have any reason to stay here, he wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place, and with Asougi back in his rightful place as Japan’s exchange student, he had no reason to stay. He had asked Professor Mikotoba if he could stay behind but when he asked him why, Ryuunosuke didn’t know how to answer. Because Asougi was going to die? He wasn’t going to believe that. Because Asougi had asked him to come here in the first place? Yeah, and he was breaking the law by doing so. Because he really, really wanted to? Who cared what he wanted; this was never about him!

And he was having a hard time convincing the others to stay, either.

Professor Mikotoba reasoned that his trip wasn’t supposed to be that long. He was only supposed to come here for a single conference that was cancelled upon Jigoku’s arrest. He had already been here longer than he had intended to and a long visit with Holmes would require him asking more time off from the University. Besides, he informed Ryuunosuke that he doubted Asougi would want him to hang around here for long. Asougi had always been fiercely independent; even when he had first been taken in by the Mikotobas he had refused to rely on them for anything. He doubted Asougi would want him to stay here, watching over him like a smothering parent. Ryuunosuke didn’t know how to tell him that perhaps a loving parent was what Asougi needed right now.

As for Susato… how could he convince her to stay when her leaving wasn’t something he was even supposed to know about? She wasn’t like Asougi, whose memories were still clouded from his head trauma that he could make up his way around knowing untold secrets. He kept asking her what her plans for the future were, what she would be doing once her father left, but she was rather dodgy about the subject. All she mentioned was that she had some changes planned for her future. Ryuunosuke got the feeling she had already made up her mind on leaving, and what could he do to stop her? Besides, he didn’t want to force Asougi’s life upon her shoulders. Though she was very smart and mature, she was still a child. And if he was tearing himself apart trying to save Asougi from a fate he likely didn’t even know about, then what would it do to her? It would be cruel of him to put her up to that much responsibility, so he remained silent for now.

Hardest of all was that Asougi didn’t seem to mind the news of their departure. Or more likely he did, but didn’t feel the need to speak out about it. It would have been so much easier to stay if Asougi had asked him to, just as he had done before their trip to London. But he didn’t. He didn’t say a thing when Professor Mikotoba announced that the two of them would be leaving. Ever since the trial Asougi had been rather listless and moody. Ryuunsouke couldn’t blame him; while he was sure Asougi was relieved to find that his father wasn’t the professor… there was still so much that had happened. He had come all this way to prove that his father was no killer, only for that to actually be the case. It couldn’t have been easy to live with that, and Ryuunosuke was well aware at this point that when something was too much for Asougi, he’d rather shut himself away and let it fester in the hopes of it dissipating than let himself rely on anyone else. So he had no complaint when everyone set off on that chilly November morning to depart back home for Japan. It was clear he wanted to be alone, though Ryuunosuke knew deep down that that wasn’t what was best for him.

But what could he do?

What could he do but give Iris a farewell hug and promise that he’d visit her soon?

What could he do but thank Holmes for all his hospitality and promise to write him soon?

What could he do but say one final goodbye to Asougi and promise that they’d see each other once again when he knew deep down that that might not be the case?

I remember, the last time I ever saw Asougi, was as I watched him disappear on the horizon as the ship sailed away. He was standing beside Holmes and Iris, who were smiling happily as they bid us farewell. I remember I waved and waved at them until I couldn’t see them anymore. I never even noticed that all the while, Holmes and Iris never once bothered to speak to him. He was all alone, and I didn’t notice.

…I didn’t care.

The ship was moments away from departing. The moment Ryuunosuke, Susato and Professor Mikotoba got on deck they immediately headed towards one of the banisters. When Ryuunosuke glanced over the edge, sure as the letter had told him, Asougi was standing next to Holmes and Iris and the moment they locked eyes they began to wave at him. He waved back as enthusiastically as he could, though he couldn’t deny the anxiety bubbling up in his stomach at how consistent it all was to the letter.

I remember back then that for once, I had no worries on my mind. The future ahead of us seemed so bright. I was going to return home with Susato-san and start a law firm of our own. We would write everyone back in London as soon we got home. Perhaps Holmes and Iris would come visit us one of these days, just like he said he might. And Asougi… once his exchange trip concluded, he’d come home, and maybe we’d get to serve in court together again, whether on the same side or the opposite, and things would be great. Happily ever after, was what I’d think to call it. I couldn’t have even begun to guess that things would fall apart so quickly in the upcoming months.

Everyone else seemed so happy. Susato was yelling friendly goodbyes back at Iris in the hopes that she would hear her, and Iris had now taken to both jumping and waving at the same time. If Ryuunosuke didn’t know any better, he’d be happy too. But try as he might he couldn’t be happy. Not when he knew that tragedy lay just around the corner.

As I have said before, I think Asougi’s life can be saved long before the fact. Perhaps if enough is changed on time, Asougi might be fine by the time everyone departs.

As the steamship began to sail slowly away, he found himself wondering if he had done enough. There were things he had changed. He had managed to get Asougi to open up to him early on, when his other self hadn’t. He had managed to find Asougi before Vortex could get his hands on him. And when the final trial finally happened, he chose to believe in Asougi rather than berate him.

But I’m not sure.

Had he done enough, though? Had he really? Because despite all those changes, a lot had remained the same. And a lot, he would argue, had become worse. While Asougi had opened up to him, he hadn’t told him anything about his mission until near the end. He may have gotten to Asougi before Vortex did, but he didn’t prevent him from losing his memories. And while he didn’t lose faith in Asougi during that final trial, his actions had lead to Asougi becoming the defendant instead, and how traumatizing must that have been? Had he really done enough to make things better? What if he had made them worse?

Maybe there’s nothing you can do to change Asougi’s fate. Maybe no matter what he will only live a measly twenty-four years. Maybe no matter what he will die on May 21^st. It’s not like I will ever get to find out for myself. But you will be able to.

Won’t you?

“M-Mikotoba-san!” Ryuunosuke said abruptly. Now that the ship had begun to pull away from the harbor, she had joined her father further in the deck, and they were chatting away about something. Ryuunosuke rushed over to them as quickly as he could.

“Is something the matter, Naruhodou-sama?” Susato asked.

“Mikotoba-san…” His heart was pounding in his chest as he tried to find the words to say.

“Are you all right? You’re awfully pale.”

“Mikotoba-san…” He stepped forwards and gave her a quick hug. “Thank you so much for all you have done for me. If you weren’t here I wouldn’t have stood a chance in London. You’re a fantastic attorney, and I mean that!”

“O-oh… um, thank you?” She replied, awkwardly patting him on the back.

“And that’s why I have no doubt that you will be able to do just fine without me.” He pulled away, and gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder. “I can’t wait to see all you can do for myself. But I want Asougi to be there to see it, too.”

“Naruhodou-sama, what are you talking about?”

“I promise I’ll explain myself one day. But right now, I’ve got to go.” He hurriedly bowed. “Thank you so much!!!”

“Naruhodou-sama, what -”

But before she could finish he turned around and bolted towards the nearest banister and threw himself over it, plunging into the cold ocean water below.

I would give anything to have the chance to see Asougi again.

It was only as he hit the water did Ryuunosuke remember that he wasn’t much of a swimmer, and in fact hadn’t done so in a long time. And it certainly didn’t help that he had Karuma on his side, weighing him down heavily.

I would give anything in the world to have cherished my short time with him.

But still, he struggled. He struggled desperately against the heavy, frigid waves, even as his eyes were forced shut by the stinging of the saltwater and his arms grew heavy from thrashing so much and his breath grew hoarse.

So even if you can’t save him, please, I’m begging you… stay with him.

He found himself growing more and more weary as he attempted to stay above the surface; struggling blindly to swim towards where he could only hope was the shore. But he was growing weak and he felt heavier with each desperate thrash and soon enough he felt himself beginning to sink.

Hold onto him for as long as you can.

Just as things were beginning to grow dark, he felt a warm hand grab ahold of him and he was hoisted up out of the water. He let himself be weak and leaned against that warm body until finally he could feel his feet touching the sand and he collapsed against the shore. He sat there for a moment, hacking up a lung, his throat burning as he cleared it of water. When Ryuunosuke finally opened his stinging eyes, he saw Asougi kneeling on the sand before him, looking soaked to the bone and wretchedly worried.

“Are you okay?” Asougi asked desperately. Ryuunosuke didn’t reply, still coughing violently. “Naruhodou, are you all right?!”

“I’m… fine.” Ryuunosuke finally stammered out between coughs. “I’m fine… Asougi…”

Asougi looked greatly relieved at hearing that but before he could voice it, he glared.

“Naruhodou, you are officially the most reckless person I have ever met! Why the hell would you do that? Were you trying to get yourself killed?!”

“A-Asougi –”

“And this – ” He grabbed ahold of Karuma’s sheath, still firmly attached to Ryuunosuke’s belt, “why the hell didn’t you leave this behind?! You could’ve drowned because of it!”

“Because you entrusted it to me. It’s precious to you – ”

“Not as precious as your life!” Asougi shouted, firmly grabbing ahold of Ryuunosuke’s shoulders. “Unlike some sword, you can’t be replaced!”

Ryuunosuke just stared at him for a moment, shocked at what he had heard. Karuma was so special to him, it was handed down for generations in his family, it was the last thing his father had given him, trusting that it would be able to lead him to the truth. And Asougi would be willing to give all that up just for him?

“…Great.” Asougi muttered, finally getting to his feet. He stared at the wide ocean ahead of them, where Ryuunosuke noticed that the steamship had gotten even further away now, though if he squinted he could still make out the forms of Susato and her father. It looked as though she was attempting to jump overboard herself while Yuujin was holding onto her to stop her. Once Ryuunosuke waved at her, proving that he was all right, she stopped. “You know that ship isn’t coming back for you, right?”

“Oh well.”

“Oh well? Naruhodou, you do realize what that means, don’t you?! Now you’re stuck here with me! And who knows how long it will be until –”

“You’re saying that as if that’s not precisely where I want to be.”

“…What?”

“Asougi… do you remember the promise you made to me, back in Japan, before any of this began?”

“Which one?”

“You promised me that the two of us were going to have a huge blast in London. You told me of all the fun we were going to have when we got here and as anxious as I was about smuggling my way here… I found myself swallowing those doubts as I listened to you talk. Asougi, you were so excited. And it made me excited, too.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well… we didn’t get to do that, now did we? We were separated for months, then once we found you, you were hardly yourself. Then this whole mess happened and I realized that we never got to just spend time together, like we had planned to do.”

“You threw yourself off the side of a ship… just to spend time with me?”

“Yes.”

“You really couldn’t think of a better way of going about this? Like not climbing aboard the ship in the first place?”

“H-hey, I panicked! Professor Mikotoba-san said that I should come home immediately! And I have a hard time saying no to people! Besides, he technically was right. I’m not actually supposed to be here at all, and now that you’re back… well, I’d probably get in trouble for being here one of these days.”

“Still.”

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter. As that ship began to sail away I decided I was going to do what I came here to do. No matter how foolish I’d have to be to do it.”

“Still… don’t you regret it? Naruhodou, you had a full future ahead of you. You were going to start a law firm with Judicial Assistant Mikotoba-san, you were going to make a name for yourself… why would you give that all up just to stay with someone like me?”

“I haven’t given anything up. Asougi, we’re still young. We still have so much time ahead of us. Who’s to say I can’t do that in a year or two?”

“But…”

“Besides, if I have such a bright future ahead of myself, I’d like to share it with you, too.” He grabbed ahold of Asougi’s hands and squeezed them, gently. “So what do you say, partner?”

“What do I say…” He shook his head and smiled. “It’s not really up to me, is it? If you really wanted to go, you would have gone. Besides, it's not like you can leave now.”

The steamship was nearly a speck on the horizon now. Ryuunosuke sighed a breath of relief that he was not on board and instead was standing here, holding Asougi’s hands in his own.

“Guess you’re stuck with me now.”

“I guess I’m here with you now.” Ryuunosuke asserted.

Before Asougi had the chance to respond, the two of them noticed Iris and Holmes rushing towards them from further down the beach. Considering how far away they were, it made Ryuunosuke wonder how quickly Asougi had taken off just to go in after him.

“Narudie! Kazumie!!” Iris exclaimed, “Are you two all right?!”

“We’re fine, Iris-chan.”

“I must say, Mr. Naruhodou,” Holmes said, “I could tell you had your doubts about leaving but I never would have guessed you’d do something like that.”

“I’m sorry, Holmes-san. I had second thoughts.”

“I can tell. Mr. Naruhodou, where are your things?”

“I…” Ryuunosuke, sighed, realizing the only things he had on him were his wallet, Karuma, and the letter stashed away in his pocket. “I didn’t think this through.”

“As I suspected. Anyways, let’s get you two home.”

“Home?” Asougi muttered.

“Both of us?” Ryuunosuke asked.

“Yes of course. Do you honestly think I’d just leave you on your own like this? Besides, your room is still just the way you left it. And you look like you could use someplace warm.” Holmes smiled and shrugged off his heavy jacket, draping it over Ryuunosuke’s drenched, freezing shoulders. “Welcome back, Mr. Naruhodou.”

“You look cold, Narudie. I’ll make you some tea when we get home. You too, Kazumie.”

“Thank you.”

They started heading home, and as they walked Ryuunosuke couldn’t help but notice that Asougi looked rather cold too. He was still dripping wet and shivering a little, holding his arms close to himself, though of course he wouldn’t breathe a word about it. Ryuunosuke moved closer to him and draped part of Holmes’s coat over him as well, then grabbed ahold of his waist so they were walking side by side.

“Y-you don’t have to do that.” Asougi said, “I’m not that cold.”

“It’s fine.” Ryuunosuke replied. He made no effort to move away, and neither did Asougi. They walked in silence for a while, warmed from the chilly autumn air in each other’s embrace. “Say, Asougi?”

“What?”

“Thanks for saving me.”

“No,” Asougi muttered, shaking his head, “thanks for coming back, Naruhodou. Honestly, I’m glad you’re here.”

Asougi said nothing more and smiled at him. And with that single, beautiful look, any doubts or regrets Ryuunosuke had about staying had quickly and swiftly faded. This chilly, lonely harbor wasn’t going to be the last place he ever saw Asougi. He would make sure of it himself that the next time they came here, it would be to head back home to Japan, together.

Ryuunosuke held onto Asougi just a little bit tighter. And he planned to hold onto him for as long as he could, just as the letter had instructed him.

Ryuu, unfortunately, this is where I can’t help you much further. After all, I left England. I have no clue what Asougi’s life in London was like aside from the few fleeting letters he had sent me. There’s very few major events I can warn you about. And for that, I am sorry.

After Ryuunosuke and Asougi had returned from the harbor and warmed up with Iris’s tea, they spent the day preparing for Ryuunosuke’s extended stay. Seeing how he had left most all of his things on the now departed steamship, the two of them spent the day out and about, buying him more clothes and other things he’d need if he was going to stay here for as long as Asougi did. By the time they had come home and eaten dinner with Holmes and Iris they were exhausted; but Ryuunosuke stayed up anyways, reading his letter as soon as Asougi had fallen asleep beside him.

As you can tell, we’re reaching the end. By this point in time I was already well on my way back home to Japan, and I know very little about what happens to Asougi as I wasn’t there to see it myself. However, before I let you be, there is one final, important thing I must tell you.

There is more to Asougi’s death than I let on. Please don’t be mad at me for this; after all, I told you the truth. On the 21^st of May, Asougi was murdered. That is the truth. However, there is something about that night, something about Asougi’s time alone in London that I initially omitted. I’m sorry for keeping this from you, but… I know you. And I know that if you knew this from the start, you’d likely panic and treat Asougi much differently; and I seriously doubt he would like that. I hope you’ll understand. I did, when Holmes-san did the same for me.

However, this is something I feel as though Asougi needs to tell you himself. Here is the last letter Asougi ever sent me, written on the day of his death. I apologize for its condition; I’ve read it many, many times in the past sixteen years. But I think it’s best I send this to you now. It will offer you insight that I can only hope will lead you to the truth and help you end this tragedy before it even begins.

Please forgive me. For everything.

Ryuunosuke stopped there, as he noticed yet another folded piece of paper behind this particular page. It was discolored and crumpled; though most of the letter was at this point, seeing how it had plunged into the ocean along with him. At the very least the ink hadn’t smudged enough to make it illegible. Either way, Ryuunosuke could tell this letter wasn’t from him; the handwriting on it was far too neat and concise and he would recognize it anywhere. It was Asougi’s – the Asougi who suffered through such a cruel fate, and the Asougi that the man beside him might become if nothing was changed.

He took a deep breath and with one final glance at Asougi sleeping peacefully beside him, he began.

Chapter Text

May 21^st, 1901

Naruhodou,

I apologize for waiting so long to write you back. I figured you wouldn’t want to be bothered seeing how busy you must be right now. Besides, I’m afraid that I’ve been rather busy lately.

That was a bold faced lie. Asougi hadn’t done anything today aside from roll out of bed. He hadn’t taken on any cases in weeks after all, and quite frankly, the boredom was killing him. With so much time on his hands, he figured the best he could do was finally pull out a piece of paper and write Naruhodou, like he had been meaning to for a while now.

I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to piece together my memories. I think I’m finally beginning to remember more things. Good things.

After a successful case in March, he had gone out for drinks with Van Zieks. It was then, in a drunken stupor after he had walked home alone, he remembered a similar night in which he and Naruhodou had celebrated a little too hard after his first trial and he had drunkenly kissed him. He wondered if Naruhodou remembered holding him in his arms, attempting to keep him steady, as he had kissed him thoughtlessly. The memory had filled him with joy; though it only served to make him feel all the more lonely when he remembered he was alone in his flat in London and Naruhodou was far, far away.

Good things… mostly.

That too was a lie. He was starting to realize that perhaps not remembering much of himself had been a good thing as upsetting memories greatly outweighed pleasant ones. Just about an hour after everyone had headed back home, Asougi had remembered the last thing his father had said to him.

He remembered it had been a sunny morning in August, just a few weeks after his eighth birthday, when his father had left for good. It was early in the morning when he had left the house, earlier than Asougi was supposed to be up, but he had stayed up all night anyways, too upset at his father leaving to really care. At such a young age even a single year felt like a lifetime, and knowing his father would be gone for multiple of those had made his heart ache. As much as he had wanted to put on a brave face, he couldn’t help but weep as his father headed out the door.

“Don’t cry. I won’t be gone that long.” His father had said, stooping down to Asougi’s meager height. “I’ll be back before you notice.”

“Th-that’s not true,” Asougi had stammered, wiping his eyes on his kimono sleeve though it did very little to help, “I’m going to miss you so, so much!”

“Oh, Kazuma,” Genshin had said, pulling him into a hug, “I’m going to miss you too. But it will be all right.” He gently stroked Asougi’s thick hair, a gesture that always served to calm him down. “I’m not going to be gone forever. Besides, I’m sure you’re going to do great things while I’m away. And I can’t wait to see how much you will have grown by the time I get back. I want you to tell me everything, you hear?”

“...Okay.”

“Good.” He pulled away and gave Asougi a quick kiss on the forehead before standing up again. “You’re going to make me so proud one day, I just know it.”

He had just nodded.

“Farewell, Kazuma.”

Asougi had stared at him as he walked away, so many words threatening to spill past his lips as he watched him go. Wait, please don’t go yet, stay awhile longer, please, I’ll miss you, what if you don’t come back? They all repeated in his head as he watched his father’s form travel farther and farther in the distance and he eventually felt his mother’s hand grasp his shoulder as she told him he should go back to bed and get some more rest.

As the memory had faded and he returned to the present, standing alone on that now empty port, still staring at the horizon Naruhodou’s ship had long since disappeared from, he immediately felt guilt wash over him. He wished he had said something to his father. He wished he had asked him to stay. He would have given anything in the world to turn back time and beg him to stay, grab ahold of his arm and not let him go… Perhaps if he had done that, none of this would have happened. Perhaps things would have turned out okay.

And now he was beginning to wonder if he should have done the same to Naruhodou. He wondered if he should have asked him to stay, if he should of reached out and grasped his arm and begged him not to leave him alone, like some pathetic child, watching one of the only consistent people in this dark, scary world leave him behind for who knows how long.

And he couldn’t help but pessimistically wonder if this was going to be the last time he ever saw Naruhodou, too.

I haven’t been serving in court much lately. Van Zieks asked me to take some time off, as he doesn’t think I’ll be much of a prosecutor if I still don’t entirely have my mind together.

That was a far nicer way of putting it. In reality, halfway during a trial about a month ago, he had realized he believed in the defendant, and had begun to turn the case around in her favor without any help or leads from the defense. Van Zieks was not happy, and had promptly put him on leave. Try as they might to get along, the two of them couldn’t ever really get over their deep rooted disdain for one another. Van Zieks had insisted on attending all of Asougi’s trials… as a mentor, he had claimed, but Asougi got the feeling he had been waiting for him to finally slip up. And once he did, Van Zieks didn’t hesitate to remind him of how worthless of a prosecutor he was.

I’m not too upset about it, really. Prosecuting… I never really got used to it.

As much as he had tried, it was the truth. He couldn’t get the hang of prosecuting at all. It didn’t help how disoriented he was after losing his memories; he would often wander into the courtroom, still feeling like he was the fresh-faced defense attorney he used to be back in Japan. While it was fairly easy to prosecute cases that he had no personal connection to, he couldn’t deny the doubt in his heart he felt every single time he took his place on the prosecutor’s side of the courtroom.

I trained all my life to become a defense attorney, and now I was stuck here doing the opposite, trying to do all in my power to find the worst in people. It just… it felt wrong.

It really did; and it didn’t help that he was good at it. All the years of hard work he had put into learning how to defend people had been turned around and instead he was using it to attack people. As cases started turning more towards his favor, he couldn’t ignore the guilt he felt consuming him as he watched the defendants grow more and more panicked as their fate seemed sealed.

Maybe I’m just being foolish as usual, but… whenever I saw a defendant reaching the breaking point, I found myself thinking about all the people I’ve seen be wrongly accused. I wanted to believe I was right, that I was serving justice to stone-cold criminals, but I couldn’t help but think about people like… my father, or even Van Zieks… and you.

During that final case he had served here, the defendant he had been prosecuting against had reminded him of Naruhodou. She was about his height and hopelessly confused and anxious and near the end there, her eyes began to twitch as she tried to keep her composure. In a moment, perhaps due to his faulty memories and how prone he was to flashbacks, Asougi could’ve sworn he saw Naruhodou standing there, looking terrified as the whole room was turned against him. How could he remain silent in a situation like that?

Of course, I was being stupid. It’s not my job to defend people solely because I feel sorry for them. It’s up to the defense to make a logical case for them, one that I can choose to pursue if it will lead to the truth. But instead, I chose to ignore my title and defend the defendant, with no proper reasoning as to why aside from my own instincts. But honestly, Naruhodou, since when have my instincts ever been right?

He was beginning to realize it was no wonder Susato and Naruhodou had lost faith in him so quickly. After all, since when had he been right about anything? He was wrong about his father being innocent, he was wrong about Van Zieks being guilty… he practically had to be lead by the hand by Naruhodou to even be bothered to try and see the truth of the Professor Killings. How could anyone have faith in someone so pathetic as that?

Prosecuting wasn’t for me. I’m kind of glad I was told to stop; I needed some time alone to think. I was going to tell you about it but… I don’t know. I didn’t want to bother you with it. Anyways, after Van Zieks kicked me out, I had planned on returning to being a defense attorney, like I had come here to do. But… I found myself hesitating. After all, would someone like me be able to do any good as a defense attorney?

After Van Zieks had suspended him, he was ready to storm his way back to the Old Bailey and attempt to get reinstated, but as a defense attorney this time, like he was supposed to be. However, he couldn’t bring himself to walk through the large, foreboding doors of the courtroom. It was as he had stood there, his hand just barely grazing against the door’s handle, that he remembered feeling this way before. As much as he had put on a brave face for Naruhodou’s sake, he had been completely and utterly terrified that day nearly two years ago now, when he had set out to defend his dear friend. He had worried he wouldn't be able to do it then, so what if he wasn’t able to do it now? What if he screwed up and ruined someone's life, like he feared he was going to do back then? What if he got someone incarcerated or worse, executed, all because he had failed to protect them?

I’m starting to think I have no place in the courtroom at all. Somehow I doubt I’d be any good at defending. After all, I wasn’t even able to protect you.

He had turned away from the courtroom and went back to his flat instead. Why bother with becoming a defense attorney again when he knew he was just going to find some way to screw it all up? Naruhodou had defended himself during that trial, and Asougi was getting the feeling that had he been the one to do so, he would have completely ruined it. Naruhodou was simply better than him at this. He was more honest, more passionate, more righteous. He, on the other hand, had simply become an attorney for the sake of vengeance. He wanted to right the wrongs committed against his family, and becoming an attorney was merely the first step on that path. He realized that what he had called himself that day in the aftermath of Naruhodou’s trial had been correct: he was a fraud.

I’m starting to think that perhaps I have no place anywhere.

About a month after everyone had left, Asougi had been eating dinner alone in his flat when it had begun to rain. This was of no surprise; London was known as being foggy and dreary for a reason, and it had rained here many, many times since he had arrived. He didn’t know why it bothered him so much, but for some reason simply hearing the pitter patter of the raindrops against his windows made him realize just how quiet it was here.

It made him remember what his life had been like when he the Mikotobas had taken him in. He had spent a great deal of time alone in his room when he had first moved in. He was grieving, and both Susato and her father seemed to understand that and let him be. Of course he had to come out eventually; groveling alone in his room was pathetic, and he didn’t want to seem ungrateful to their hospitality. So he eventually started having meals with them, and would walk with Susato to school in the morning and he’d help out with chores around the house and try to fit into their family even though he knew he had no place there.

Not here, or back home. After all, I felt like a complete burden to the Mikotobas.

As much as he tried to belong, he simply couldn’t. It felt wrong when Professor Mikotoba had told him he could call him father if he so pleased. He couldn’t explain why it made him feel so uneasy when the two of them referred to him as Kazuma. And he couldn’t deny how much he felt like a stranger in this house that wasn’t his and never would be, regardless of how warm and welcoming the Mikotobas tried to be. After all…

Whenever he listened to Professor Mikotoba praising Susato for the good grades she brought home, he’d think about the way his father used to ruffle his hair and congratulate him for doing the same.

Whenever he saw little Susato standing on her tiptoes as she attempted to help her father in the kitchen, he’d think about how he had done the same with his own mother when he had been a child and she would humor him until he tried to snack on whatever it was that they were making.

And whenever he woke up in the middle of the night to Susato having a nightmare and seeking her father out for comfort, he would remember how he would do the same when he was about her age, and would fall asleep happily between his parents with no fears in the world, so long as they were by his side.

Watching them be a happy, normal family was painful. And he couldn’t deny the twinge of jealousy he would feel at the sight of them.

And I doubt they’d want someone like me back anyways.

He was cruel for thinking this way and he knew it, but he was jealous of them. He was jealous that they got to be a family, that their lives were just normal now, that they could just live like this in the face of everything that happened. He hated that his whole world had been turned upside down and he was supposed to pretend that he was okay with it when it was eating him up inside. He remembered during those first couple of weeks there, he often found himself bitterly wondering why Professor Mikotoba had to be the one to come home, rather than his own father.

Of course, he never admitted these feelings out loud, and eventually they went away entirely as he grew to love both him and his daughter deeply. He absolutely despised himself for those initial, childish feelings as the weeks turned into months, then into years and he grew used to living with them. Yuujin Mikotoba was one of the kindest people he had ever met, and he had been nothing but generous and loving to him since the moment he had stepped foot in his home, and he had even raised him as if he were his own son. It was cruel and wrong of Asougi to be bitter at him solely for coming back when his father didn’t. It wasn’t his fault that his father had perished, it wasn’t his fault that his mother had grown ill, and it wasn’t like his and Susato’s lives were perfect either. Yuujin had lost his wife tragically, and he and Susato had been separated when she was just a newborn, and he couldn’t imagine how upsetting either of those things must have been for them. Asougi had no right to feel so bitter towards them when if it weren’t for them, he’d have no place to go. They were such kind, wonderful people. Too kind and wonderful for someone like him.

He realized it was no wonder Professor Mikotoba had insisted on going home so quickly, and Susato had changed her mind and went along with him, too. They had seen for themselves what he was really like at that trial in England: he was moody and impulsive, too blinded by his own feelings to listen to reason. He would never be able to forget the frightened look on Susato’s face as she questioned out loud whether or not the person standing across from her was really the Asougi she had known and loved. He… hated that he had scared her so badly. He never wanted to make her feel uneasy ever again. He cared for her greatly, and he would never be able to forgive himself for breaking her trust like that.

So when she had gone out of her way to ask him if she could go home with Ryuunosuke and her father… of course he wouldn’t fight with her. As much as he wanted to stay with her for just a little while longer, as much as he wanted to reach out to her and say please stay with me, I want to catch up with you, I’m so sorry… he just couldn’t bring himself to say it and let her go with no qualms. He realized that her leaving would be best for her. It would be selfish of him to ask her to stay with him, not when she had just come to realize how awful he was. Why try to make amends when he realized pretty quickly that she deserved a better brother figure than someone like him? It would honestly be beneficial for both her and her father if they never had to see him again. He didn’t want to be a burden to them ever again.

Naruhodou. As I’ve spent this time remembering things about my past and myself… I’m starting to realize the more I learn about Kazuma Asougi… the more I think I despise him.

After about a month in London, he met up with Inspector Lestrade for a case. Though she had her reservations towards him, she was still far friendlier towards him than Van Zieks had been. She seemed to understand that despite Asougi’s hatred towards Gregson, he was still a good person; after all, she had struggled with her own hatred towards others as well. That, and she mentioned that if Naruhodou could trust him, then she supposed she could trust him too. Asougi didn’t know how to tell her that he wasn’t sure if Naruhodou trusted him in the slightest anymore.

After the case had ended, he had accompanied her to the evidence room in the Old Bailey to help her put things away. While there they had began to talk, and she had asked him about Detective Gregson. Despite his many wrongdoings, she still looked up to him, and she missed him greatly. She asked Asougi if he remembered him saying anything about her, during that fateful mission they had had together.

Asougi didn’t have the heart to tell her that he remembered nothing of the sort. He had hardly paid attention to anything that had come out of his mouth that night. He had wanted information from him, and when that information had only proved his theories about his father’s death, it had infuriated him. He remembered being thrown into a blind rage, wanting to do nothing more than to plunge Karuma into Gregson’s heart and make him pay for what he had done to his father.

Of course, he didn’t tell Lestrade that. He lied to her, and made up a story about Gregson having said he looked forward to working with her again. Something to ease her mind as she was still clearly grieving.

Ever since that case, Asougi had avoided her. She was a sweet girl at heart, and she didn’t deserve to be around someone like him. After all…

He was a monster, wasn’t he?

I keep remembering things. Horrible things that have happened to me… things that I let happen to me. And it’s making me realize just how worthless of a person Kazuma Asougi is.

One snowy morning in December, he suddenly remembered how he first became the Masked Disciple as he had decided to put on his old cloak due to the freezing weather. He remembered when Vortex had presented him with this cloak, along with the prosecutor’s outfit he still wore now and the mask, as they sat alone in his office.

He remembered all of the instructions Vortex had given him as the disciple. He didn’t bother giving Asougi a name, informing him that a mindless foreigner like him simply wasn’t deserving of one. Asougi didn’t bother arguing with him; he was the only reason he hadn’t been sent back to wherever he was from. He should be grateful for being allowed here in the first place so he held his tongue as Vortex listed off his many rules.

You are not allowed to speak to anyone aside from me. Should you do so, you will be punished severely.

You are not allowed to take off this mask in public. Should anyone see who you really are, you will be punished severely.

You are to do exactly as Barok Van Zieks tells you. You are to never leave his side; you are to protect him should he get attacked, with your own life if you have to. You are disposable. He is not. He can do with you as he pleases. Never disobey him. Should you do so, you will be punished severely.

Though Asougi’s memories had still been greatly scattered at the time, he remembered all of this sounding rather familiar. It sounded like the rules an overtly strict teacher would rattle off on the first day of class. He found himself quickly growing bored with it. He understood the point. Be quiet. Be obedient. Stay hidden. He could do all of that without the condescending empty threats. He’d be just fine. He just had to keep a low profile until he remembered who he really was.

However, obeying those rules had been harder than he had anticipated. It was hard not to take off that itchy, irritating mask after a few hours. It was hard not to respond when a stranger greeted him hello on the streets or when he ran various errands for Van Zieks. And of course, it was hard to follow both of these rules when he and Van Zieks were attacked sometimes as they headed home for the night. In those first few months in London, he found himself often breaking Vortex’s rules, and of course he’d find out about it, sooner or later. Thankfully, he never sent Asougi back home, like he had initially feared.

However, Asougi was beginning to wonder whether or not the cloak he wore was given to him to cover up any marks on his body. After all, what more could he do but cover his punishments up? He couldn’t go to the police; they all worked directly under Vortex, and going to them would only run the risk of his being deported. He couldn’t fight back or even kill Vortex; he was the only reason he was even allowed to stay here in the first place. Without him, he’d have no job, nowhere to go, and no one to rely on. Without him he’d have nothing. It didn’t take him long to realize the hopelessness of his situation. He was nothing, wasn’t he? He had no name, no family, no friends… nothing at all. He was barely a person; just some nameless object that was to do as told… or be fixed. So it didn’t take long for him to succumb to subservience and do what he was told with silence and composure.

Back in the present, Asougi supposed he now knew where the strange, thin scars crisscrossing his back had come from. He recalled a family his father had taught martial arts to a long time ago, a family so enamored with his father’s skill they had changed their surname to represent that. He remembered the father of that household had carried a whip on his belt. He grimaced at the thought of it and what it might have been used for and swore to himself that if he ever saw that man again, he’d take that whip and tear it to shreds.

I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this, Naruhodou. I considered telling you about this before but… I just didn’t want to bother you again. I know I shouldn’t burden you with my troubles anymore than I have already I just… I suppose I wanted someone to talk to about all of this. But I know it’s selfish of me to want to confide in you. The last time I did so all it served to do was hurt you. And that’s something I never, ever want to do again.

Two months after everyone else had left, he had received his first letter from Naruhodou. It was pretty simple. Based on how quickly it had gotten here, Asougi got the feeling that he had written it as soon as he had gotten home. He wrote about the long trip back home, where he had tried to find different ways to counter his boredom, and he wrote about how hectic things had been as he had switched his major over from English to Law, and he and Susato had prepared to open their law firm. At the bottom of the letter, Naruhodou had ended it with: I can’t wait to hear how you’re doing, Asougi.

Asougi didn’t know how to answer that. With new, horrible memories fresh on his mind, the urge to cry out to him had been strong. Quite a few of the memories he had been forced to relive left him shaking in terror, and all he wanted to do was reach out to Naruhodou, like he had planned to long ago, when they had set out on this long journey.

He remembered he attempted to do so when he started to write his response letter, but he never got very far. How in the world could he tell Naruhodou that he had been tortured? The more he dwelled on the memories, the more pathetic it had seemed. He had let himself become subservient and weak and he had taken any punishments without any qualms, too afraid of being sent away to fight back. He was starting to think that perhaps he had it coming from the start, for winding up in such a pathetic position to begin with. He had really let himself become so weak and dependent that he had been willing to put up with anything. It was his fault. And why wouldn’t Naruhodou blame him, too? Naruhodou had once thought him to be perfect. He had looked up to him so much, he had admired him and strived to be like him, once upon a time… yet the moment that perfect façade faltered, Naruhodou had lost all faith in him. He would never forget the way Naruhodou had glared at him during that final trial, an utter look of disdain in his eyes as he wondered aloud if the person standing before him was once the best friend he had cared for. He had known Asougi as someone who was strong and blunt and self-sufficient but always did the right thing and tried to help others. Now that he knew the awful truth of his mission… why would he believe another word he said? Why would he want to listen to another sob story about his pathetic past? Why would he care? Why would he want to comfort someone so wretched?

He never managed to write anything down aside from a quick, fleeting letter telling him that things were going okay. Naruhodou wasn’t going to want to hear about any of his problems. He would continue keeping up the perfect, happy, confident façade that had deluded Naruhodou into liking him in the first place. He wanted to preserve what was left of their friendship if he could, so keeping his problems to himself was the best way he could do it. So he ended his letter with, I’m doing well, Naruhodou, there’s no need to worry, with a trembling, uneasy hand.

I guess I’m just writing you now to tell you that I’m sorry. We didn’t get the chance to talk much before you left and I regret that. And I know hearing from me must be burdensome but now is as good a time as ever to tell you this and I need to say it. Naruhodou, I’m sorry.

The more Asougi thought about it, the more he realized that he had never been good enough for Naruhodou, had he?

The day he got his memories back, he remembered most everything about Naruhodou. He was someone he had only met recently, but had spent a lot of time with, so the memories came back quickly and easily, from more recent to more distant. He quickly remembered that fateful day back in Japan, when Naruhodou had been falsely accused of murder and promptly put on trial, the whole country prepared to sacrifice him for the sake of keeping the British appeased.

Asougi remembered he had been prepared to give up everything for Naruhodou that day. His mission in England, his desire to find out the truth about his father… he was willing to throw it all away to ensure Naruhodou’s safety. Despite Professor Mikotoba’s warnings against it, he was going to defend his friend no matter what the cost. Besides, he wasn’t worried. Naruhodou was innocent; that, he was certain of. He only worried that he wouldn’t have what it takes to prove it.

Turns out he was right.

Naruhodou defended himself. Whether his choosing to do so was a choice or an accident, Asougi wasn’t sure, but either way that’s what he did, so he had no choice but to watch his friend struggle through the very basics of law. Yet despite that struggling… it didn’t take Naruhodou long to figure it out. It seemed to just magically click for him and soon enough Asougi found himself watching, rather than helping. Naruhodou was great at defending. He was so good at it that he managed to get himself a not guilty verdict the day of, when the country had likely already been preparing for his swift incarceration.

Asougi was proud of him. Really, he was. To this day, he was still proud of Naruhodou for being able to face so much hardship with a level head, and save himself when the stakes were so high. But Asougi still couldn’t help but feel guilty about it. He was supposed to be the one to protect Naruhodou. He had given him his word that he would protect him and keep him safe. But what did he do instead? He had just stood there uselessly and watched as his friend was forced to do everything himself.

What sort of friend was he?

I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done to you. I’ve completely ruined your life, haven’t I? Were it not for me, your life would be on track. You would continue being an English student, living your life normally and peacefully. I was the one who forced my way into your life and completely turned it upside down without a single care for how you felt.

He had been so anxious about bringing Naruhodou with him to England but he never breathed a word of it and had told Naruhodou it would be okay as he shut that heavy suitcase with shaking hands.

While Naruhodou had tried to be optimistic about the whole thing, Asougi could tell that it was wearing him out. How could he not be tired? The whole trip was grating. It must have been hard to spend the days cooped up in a cabin closet, and coupling that with barely being able to eat anything… it must have been torture for poor Naruhodou. Asougi wanted to do what he could to make the trying journey even the slightest bit easier for him, but there wasn’t much he could do. He gave Naruhodou all the food whenever the ship served chicken, and there were multiple occasions in which he had offered to share the bed with him, but Naruhodou always turned the latter down, too afraid of getting caught to let himself get any comfortable rest.

Asougi felt awful for dragging Naruhodou on this long, long journey when he probably didn’t want to even be here. Sure, Naruhodou had agreed to come with him whole-heartedly when he had first officially proposed the idea, but how could he possibly feel the same way when he must be suffering so much? With each passing day Naruhodou looked wearier and wearier, and Asougi was beginning to worry. What if Naruhodou grew so dizzy he collapsed? What if he fell ill and had no choice but to be discovered so he could get the proper care he needed? What if something bad happened to him? Asougi found himself feeling guiltier with each passing day. Something bad was going to happen to Naruhodou, and it was all going to be his fault – all because he was too selfish to leave Naruhodou behind.

He was so selfish that he wanted him by his side as he told him the truth of his mission and found out the truth of the mystery that had haunted him for ages. What did that have to do with Naruhodou? Naruhodou didn’t need to be here, suffering along beside him from hunger and exhaustion when he could be safe at home, living his life. Asougi felt so guilty for forcing him to be there that on the night of his “death”, he wound up holding back when it came to confiding in Naruhodou about the truth of his mission. He was going to tell him about it, sooner or later, but now he decided wasn’t the time; not when Naruhodou was so weary and hungry. He didn’t need to burden him mentally. Wasn’t the physical burden more than enough? It was cruel of him to bring him out here in the first place, and he had no doubts that if Naruhodou were to find out the true, awful reason why Asougi was here, he would have regretted coming along even more.

Turns out he was right when Naruhodou finally did learn the awful truth much, much later.

I shouldn’t have forced you to come along to England with me. I put you in harm’s way for my own selfish means. What kind of friend am I? I should have left you alone instead of forcing you on this long, twisted journey. Honestly, what was I expecting? That you would stay safe the whole time? That nothing bad would happen to you? That when you found out about my mission, you wouldn’t despise me for it? I can’t stand myself for it. Why would you feel any differently?

During his last trial in London, when he wound up pitying the defendant, he found himself growing anxious as the trial carried on. Of course the judge – as well as Van Zieks – weren’t very happy about his sudden change in attitude. When Van Zieks reprimanded him for switching sides, he recalled him bringing up an all-too familiar point: that he was too emotional for his own good.

By that point, Asougi could honestly care less about what Van Zieks had to say about him. He had long since accepted that the two of them could never truly see eye to eye, nor forgive each other for their initial hatred for one another, but the words still stung him a little. After all… it forcibly reminded him of his biggest mistake, his worst downfall, a flaw so ugly it had torn his only friends from him.

He couldn’t help but remember Naruhodou’s last trial here, when Asougi had finally admitted all his secrets to him but kept pressing onwards, utterly determined to find out what had happened. In his blind passion to keep going, he failed to notice until too late just how much his true feelings… who he truly was… seemed to deter his friends.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Susato had said anxiously to Naruhodou, but loud enough for Asougi to hear it, too, “especially… with the current Kazuma-sama too emotional to see reason!”

Asougi remembered her words had made him flinch, but he said nothing, nor was he able to make eye contact with her. He kept his eyes glued to the desk beneath him and took a deep breath, trying to keep his anxiety at bay. He could easily recall a time in which Susato had looked up to him. He remembered when she was a little girl, she would often follow him around the house and imitate what he was doing, to a point where she had even found a large stick in the garden and kept it in her obi, trying to mimic the katana he carried with him. He remembered he thought it was sweet and of course more than he deserved. Someone like him, who couldn’t even manage to keep his family alive, wasn’t anyone worth idolizing. But to hear her realize that out loud… he couldn’t deny that it still wounded him, and he kept his gaze low, until Naruhodou spoke up.

“…True. Right now, Asougi isn’t acting like his usual self. But I’m well aware of that.” Asougi looked up at that point, but quickly averted his gaze elsewhere when he noticed a glare on his usually cheerful and pleasant face. “I’m fully prepared to face this version of him until the very end.”

Asougi gulped at that, but still didn’t look up, not even to strain his ear when Naruhodou’s words grew a bit quieter. He just stared and stared at the hardwood beneath his hands, trying his hardest to ease his pounding heart. A different version of him? Was that what Naruhodou truly thought of him now? Of course it was; Naruhodou wasn’t one to lie, and he knew that. But despite that, Asougi couldn’t help but dwell on it. This version of him… the way he was acting right now… to Naruhodou, it was an entirely different person. It was like the Asougi Kazuma he knew and loved had left and been replaced by some awful doppelgänger. Because he couldn’t actually be this way, right? He was always confident and happy and never had any problems, right? Asougi wasn’t sure how he was supposed to tell Naruhodou that this… is who he really is. That when he got sad, when he got angry, when he got scared… he was still himself, was he not? And it made Asougi’s stomach churn to realize that this was what Naruhodou thought of him once he felt the slightest bit less than happy and confident and… perfect.

Asougi now began to wonder what Naruhodou would have acted like had he actually been able to tell him the truth of his mission earlier on. Asougi had known that sooner or later he would’ve had to tell Naruhodou the truth; it wouldn’t be fair to drag him all the way out here without knowing why. And while the thought of relaying information so dangerous on Naruhodou scared him, he had calmed himself down by trying to imagine how it could turn out. Naruhodou was always one to worry, to be anxious. When Asougi told him the truth, he would probably be scared for him. He would probably ask if there was any way he could escape the horrible mission he had been forced to accept, any way he could find help to get out of it. In his most deluded of fantasies, Asougi had even imagined that Naruhodou would hold him in comfort and tell him he wasn’t alone.

Why in the world would Naruhodou act like that?

Asougi was an awful person. He had known this for a long while now. Guilt at being the only Asougi left, at living while his family had perished, at taking up space in the Mikotoba’s home when he was nothing more than another mouth to feed, at being so desperate and pathetic that he would accept any deal to find the truth, even murder, had taught him long ago that he was a worthless human being. But despite his own worthlessness, he kept pushing onwards, knowing that it was his duty to find out the truth for his parents. It was the only thing he could do to atone for his pathetic existence as their son. So why should he expect any kindness at his self-imposed problems from anyone? Any sympathy? He was undeserving of it and he knew it so kept his eyes glued to the floor and didn’t bother to try and defend himself or his actions. This trial wasn’t about him and how he was feeling. No one cared about that. The only thing he had lived for was to avenge his family, and he planned on seeing that through to the end, regardless of if it meant his friends were to hate him for it. It’s not like he didn’t expect them to hate him one day eventually, for one of the many reasons he was sure his nothing but flawed existence would make clear.

But, he thought selfishly, it would have been nice if that weren’t the case.

Naruhodou, I was too attached to let you go. Even now I’m too attached; I keep writing you when I’m certain that you don’t want to hear it. And for that, I truly am sorry. I just… I like you, so, so much. It didn’t take long for me to realize just how great you were. You never give yourself enough credit for things. You claim to be simple and naïve, but you couldn’t be further from the truth. That day I watched you give a speech at University… I could already see just how bright the path ahead of you was. You were so passionate, so confident; you delivered your speech with such fervor… I couldn’t help but admire you from the start.

Asougi couldn’t remember a time he had felt more humiliated than when Van Zieks kicked him out, but his failed speech at University was a close second. He remembered wanting nothing more than to go home and go to his room and never come out again. As silly as it was looking back on that, it was the truth. He had put so much time and effort into the speech only to screw it up at the very last second and get booed off stage.

He felt completely and utterly pathetic. What was wrong with him? Why did words come so easily to him when he wrote them down or thought about them but the moment they tried to leave his lips he floundered? How the hell was he supposed to become a great attorney if he couldn’t even get through a single sentence? He was about to head home and throw his crumpled speech in the trash when another person began to speak and he stopped; deciding to watch instead.

A boy stood on stage, and Asougi recognized him; they were in an English class together, though he couldn’t quite recall his name. He was always rather quiet and shy, and he hadn’t left much of an impression on him. But right now, something was different. He stood with his back straight, his eyes weren’t twitching at all. He spoke calmly but was able to project his voice so everyone watching could hear him clearly. While Asougi quickly found himself tuning the words of the speech out, he couldn’t help but be enamored with the way he said them.

Asougi quickly realized that the man standing before him was what he had always imagined he’d be like when he finally got his attorney’s badge and got to stand in court himself. He always imagined himself being poised and comprehensible, delivering his arguments with the utmost confidence and easily cutting away at the arguments of the prosecutors he’d be facing off against. He had always hoped that one day, with enough hard work and determination, he could be a perfect attorney… or at least good enough to do something right for once and he could finally help his family. Whoever this kid was… he was exactly who Asougi wanted to be like, one day.

Even now, years later, Asougi realized that hadn’t changed.

I admire you still, you know. So, so, much. Naruhodou, you’re one of the only close friends I’ve managed to make. I was so preoccupied with trying to avenge my family that I let my personal relationships slip and didn’t focus on them much. I’ve spent a lot of time alone aside from the Mikotobas, but I couldn’t rely on them for everything. Professor Mikotoba was always so busy; I had no need to force him to be my friend. And of course Susato deserved friends her own age; relating to someone like me would have been difficult. So… being able to be with you… it was like a breath of fresh air.

As his days alone in London bled into weeks, then months, Asougi found himself missing Naruhodou more and more. He sincerely wished he had asked Naruhodou to stay with him. He knew it was a selfish request; why make him stay? He had brought Naruhodou along with him selfishly when he probably didn't want to go, and he had practically flipped his whole world upside down. And as if he hadn’t soured things enough at that, then he had gone out of his way to allow his painful, stupid emotions to peek through and he had scared Naruhodou away. Asking him to stay with him at that point would be nothing but cruel, but… he still wished he was here.

On dreary, rainy mornings he would remember times in University when it had been rainy out and Naruhodou would hook his arm around him so they could share an umbrella, as Asougi always forgot his. Asougi would fold his arms tightly as he walked alone in the rain, pretending the warmth of his hand was from Naruhodou’s instead of his own.

During long days at the High Prosecutor’s office, when Asougi found himself utterly exhausted as he tried to focus on his work for the day, he couldn’t help but remember when he was back in school, working himself to death as he prepared for final exams. He remembered on multiple occasions he had fallen asleep in the library after spending a long afternoon studying, and would often wake up to find Naruhodou’s uniform jacket draped over his shoulders. The memory only served to make Van Zieks’ depressing, chilly office feel all the more frigid.

When he was alone in his flat at night, he desperately wished he had Naruhodou there with him to fill the silence. Conversation with Naruhodou used to come so easily to him, and as he listened to the sound of complete and utter quiet, he liked to pretend that he could hear the sweet sound of his laughter or the cute way he would stammer when something caught him by surprise, and he often found himself talking to himself and pretending to have a conversation with him. It wasn’t like there was anyone around to point out how weird that was. He was alone, after all. 

And of course, whenever Asougi was swept up in an unprompted memory, he always wished he had Naruhodou there to talk with him about it. Having half a mind was terrifying. He never knew what he would remember and when they would occur. The tiniest of things could trigger flashbacks that he simply couldn’t control and it made him paranoid of doing much of anything. He never knew when something as simple as having a cup of tea would cause him to remember something horrible. And he never knew whether the next thing he’d be forced to remember would be simple and sweet, like remembering teaching Susato all about the flowers in Mikotoba’s garden, or horrible and terrifying like remembering Jigoku’s hands on his shoulders as he ordered him to kill a man or never learn the truth of what happened to his father. 

He wished he had Naruhodou by his side during those troublesome times. He wished he could be weak and lean against him and spill all his secrets to him as he wept upon his shoulder like a child might. He wanted Naruhodou to hold him and stroke his hair and warm him up when he couldn’t stop trembling and tell him that things would be all right, even though Asougi was truly beginning to wonder if that could ever be true for someone like him.

But most of all, he just wished he had Naruhodou here as someone to be with. He knew it was a childish thing to dwell on, but he was lonely. And it was completely different than the loneliness he had experienced back home. Because at least in Japan, the people around him looked like him and talked like him so even when he felt lonely, at the very least he knew it wouldn’t be too hard to communicate with those around him. Here in London, he felt completely and utterly isolated. If making friends in Japan had been a struggle, then it became nearly impossible here. Many people here didn’t even understand his accent, and many didn’t even wish to speak with someone like him at all.

He could attempt to make friends with the people he knew, but… he hardly knew anyone. There was Van Zieks, whom he spent nearly everyday with… but Asougi had meant it when he said he’d never be able to forgive him and the time they spent together was rather tense and silent. Asougi had no interest in befriending the man that had sent his father to the gallows, and Van Zieks had no interest in befriending the child of his brother’s killer. Even if they both knew now there was more to those incidents, they simply couldn’t erase the scars from the past and simply stuck to tolerating one another.

There was Inspector Lestrade but… Asougi couldn’t deny he felt guilty just being around her. He would remember his intense, burning hatred for Gregson that hadn’t entirely dissipated, the hatred that had nearly driven him to take his life and he’d find himself clamming up. She was a kind girl, and after Naruhodou and Susato had helped her find more faith in people, it seemed she was trying to reach out more. Asougi didn’t doubt that she’d make a wonderful friend, but… not for someone like him. If she knew how deep his hatred for her old mentor lay… he doubted she’d be able to tolerate him any longer. So he was kind to her in passing, and when they had worked on cases together, but whenever she asked if he’d like to get lunch with her sometime, he always politely turned her down, not wanting her to get any closer.

He knew Holmes and Iris in passing, but he hadn’t had any real interactions with them since Naruhodou had left. Sometimes Holmes stopped by the Old Bailey when a case he was working on brought him there. And every time he noticed Asougi, he’d give him a friendly wave, then he’d go about his business. Asougi would wave back, but he never got much closer. He knew he should be more trusting, considering how much Naruhodou seemed to trust the man, but… he couldn’t will himself to speak to him. Even if he had meant well, Holmes was the one who had faked his death and taken him away when he had lost his memories, causing him all sorts of trouble for nearly a year and that wasn’t the sort of thing he could just immediately get over. But aside from that, he doubted Holmes would wish to speak with him, either. All he likely knew about Asougi was that he used to be Naruhodou’s friend; but he had kept some awful, dark secrets to himself and was secretly nothing more than a pathetic child so emotional and desperate that he was willing to stoop to murder to achieve his goals. Holmes had known before anyone else what his true mission here in London was, and had tried to protect Gregson from it. Even if Asougi hadn’t done anything drastic in the end, Holmes had no reason to believe that he never intended to go through with it. In Holmes’s eyes, he would likely always be Naruhodou’s best friend turned criminal, and Asougi saw no point in trying to change his mind. Especially since that’s what he saw himself as, too.

Iris he couldn’t deny he wanted to meet. She seemed like such a kind, sweet and intelligent little girl. What little he had seen of her during Naruhodou’s trial here had intrigued him, and he did wish that he could’ve spent some time with her, too. She reminded him of Susato; intelligent beyond her years and kinder than he could put into words and simply looking at her made him want to dote upon her. It was no wonder even the gloomy old reaper Van Zieks would grow soft in her presence; anyone would be lucky to have her as family. He missed being a big brother to Susato, and could easily picture himself doing the same for Iris. However, that in of itself scared him. Because while he may have once been a big brother figure to Susato, he had also gone and screwed that all up and let her down. He would never forget the way she looked at him, anxiously and full of disdain during that final trial, asking aloud of he was actually the Kazuma she knew. And he would never forget that night when she had gone out of her way to ask him if she could leave for Japan, as well. He wanted to ask her to stay. It took him everything in his power to keep quiet and nod his head in agreement. Didn’t she want to catch up with him, after a year of thinking he was dead? Didn’t she want to spend some time with him in London, like they had spent months planning to do before this all started? He remembered how excited she was about visiting England, pouring over her Sherlock Holmes stories excitedly and wondering aloud if they would get to see any of the locations mentioned in the books. She had been so excited to travel the world and work alongside her brother… but clearly he had killed that excitement if her begging him to leave after only just coming back a few weeks prior was any indication. But what could he do about it? He couldn’t make her stay. He didn’t want to control her. He didn’t want to let her down any further so he just nodded his head and let her go, not wanting to be a more disappointing brother than he had already been. So of course he never bothered to seek Iris out. He didn’t want to inevitably disappoint another sweet child who deserved a family far better than him.

He thought to tell Naruhodou about all of this when he had sent his second letter at the beginning of spring. He wanted to let himself be weak and honest, and tell him that he was lonely, that the silence of his flat was getting to him, that he missed the sound of Naruhodou’s laughter and the feeling of his arm around him as they walked together and he wished he was still here to talk to and spend time with and confide in and hold onto and simply be with and he wished now more than ever that he had asked Naruhodou to stay. But how could he say that? His words would only serve to guilt Naruhodou, and he simply didn’t want to do that. He couldn’t blame Naruhodou for leaving, just like he couldn’t blame Susato for it either. He didn’t want to ever hurt the people he loved ever again so after tossing draft after draft of responses into the rubbish he finally managed to reply with, I miss you, but I’m doing great, Naruhodou, and I’m sure you are too, before rambling about nothing while desperately trying to ignore the fact that the only noise in the entire empty flat was his pen scratching the surface of the paper.

I know I told you that I brought you along with me to England in case I wound up in the defendant’s chair, but that’s not the whole reason. Naruhodou… I just like being with you. Whenever a situation felt hopeless or was too stressful for me… simply thinking about you would put my mind at ease. I know there’s a rumor that you can feel a warm breeze by being around me, but I think it’s the other way around. Things always seem just a tad bit brighter whenever you’re around. Seeing you persevere even when you were scared made me want to carry on, too. And watching you struggle made me want to reach out and cheer you on. I love you, Naruhodou. And I will forever cherish the friendship you shared with me when I knew from the bottom of my heart that I never, ever deserved it. And that’s why I think I need to finally be selfless and let you go.

On days when there wasn’t much for him to do, Asougi would go walking around the city, to clear his head and try to relax. Whether he meant to or not he would often find himself at the port where he had said goodbye to Naruhodou. He would stand on that dock and stare out at the horizon, even though the ship that Naruhodou left on was long gone.

He would often think back to that day when Naruhodou had left. Honestly, he was so ashamed at how he had scared his friends away at that final trial that he had considered not showing up at all; why would they want to see him? He had been too overwhelmed to talk to anyone after the trial had ended, but he had planned on meeting up with them once things cooled down. Unfortunately, they had made no effort to reconnect with him in the coming days; he likely wouldn’t have even known they were leaving at all if it weren’t for Susato coming to his office to ask him to go.

He couldn’t lie; it had upset him. He thought that they were all going to have some more time together. Things were only just beginning to start, weren’t they? Now that that painful mission of his had come to a close, things were supposed to start over again, and he was supposed to spend the days having fun in England with his friends just like he had planned to do. Right? So why were they leaving so soon? Didn’t they want to stay even a few days more? Didn’t they want to catch up with him, even a little?

Despite his pessimistic thoughts telling him otherwise, he did head out to the dock that morning to see them off. If Naruhodou and Susato demanded it, he’d leave. But he wanted to say goodbye to them at least. Much to his surprise, they didn’t tell him to leave. He had figured that after he had gotten so upset in front of them they wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with him anymore. Wasn’t their leaving without a single word to him proof enough of that? But despite those pessimistic thoughts, Naruhodou actually seemed almost happy to see him. As everyone was giving one another final goodbyes and promises to write one another soon, Asougi was tempted to reach out and ask Naruhodou to stay. He wanted more than anything to him to stall for a week, a day, even just a few hours for breakfast he would accept. There was nothing he wanted more than to push past his self-hating thoughts and see for himself if Naruhodou would want to stay with him, if he asked, just like they had promised to do years ago when they had been naïve, optimistic students. But just as the words were on the verge of leaving his tongue, he hesitated.

After all, the Naruhodou Ryuunosuke standing before him almost seemed like a completely different person.

This was not the anxious, twitching English student he had befriended in Japan, the one who idolized him too much, who cared too deeply and worried too earnestly and was so willing to follow after him that he had agreed to come with him to England, even if he likely didn’t want to. The man standing before him was confident; he stood tall and he didn’t tremble at all as he gave Iris a hug goodbye and thanked Holmes for everything he had done here and talked about his plans for the future with Susato and her father. So when Naruhodou finally turned his attention to him, Asougi swallowed his pathetic, selfish request to spend more time with him. The man before him simply didn’t need him anymore. Naruhodou had such a bright future in front of him. He knew precisely what it was he wanted to do. He saw the path ahead of him easily and clearly and he had not a single shred of doubt as he headed towards it.

It was then Asougi realized that he couldn’t say the same thing about himself.

For the longest time, he knew precisely what it was he wanted to do. Get good grades in school, go to a good university, become a great defense attorney, travel to England and avenge his family. That was the future he had envisioned for himself for the longest time. But beyond that, he had simply never thought about it. He realized now that he had no idea what it was he wanted to do with his life past that. He supposed he’d stay as a prosecutor to make up for the horrible way he had treated Van Zieks, but… if he was being honest, he couldn’t foresee a long future for himself in it. Maybe in a few years after his trip came to an end, he’d go back to being a defense attorney, or maybe he’d find something else that intrigued him, or… who knows.

Because now that Asougi thought about it, he couldn’t picture much of a future for himself at all.

When he thought about what tomorrow would bring, he saw nothing ahead of him. He couldn’t picture himself becoming an old man, or even a middle-aged man. He couldn’t imagine himself starting a family or anyone tolerating him for long enough to want to get married or anything of the sort. Hell, he had a hard time envisioning what he’d be doing even a year from now. He just… he had no idea what lay ahead of him anymore. So much had changed in such little time that it had felt like he had never truly gotten the chance to catch up and return to normal but he had just ignored it and let his one ultimate goal lead his way. Now that it was over, what was he to do? What was left? Was there anything at all?

He wound up keeping this all to himself of course, and simply smiled at Naruhodou, not wanting to sour his mood. It was then he decided to give Naruhodou his heart, his most treasured possession, the only thing left from the Asougi clan… Karuma. He told Naruhodou it was to remove temptation, that if he never was able to quell the anger in his heart, at the very least he would have no tools left to act out upon it. He didn’t have the heart to tell Naruhodou that he was entrusting Karuma to him just in case there really was no future ahead of him. Because then he could rest easy knowing that the only thing about Kazuma Asougi worth holding onto was in good hands and far away from him. He could stay behind in England with an uneasy heart knowing that the last important thing from the Asougi family was far away from him, where his dirty hands could no longer taint it.

He let Naruhodou and everyone else go that day, and watched their ship sail towards the bright rising sun, towards the sunny future he had no doubt lay ahead of all of them… a bright future he knew he simply had no place in.

I know I’ve been rambling for far longer than you would want to hear, so I promise I will end this soon but… I suppose you’re probably wondering what prompted this out of the blue. I’ve tried to keep my letters to you short and simple. I know listening to me complain about my problems is the last thing you’d want to hear, especially considering how hectic your life must be now that you’re starting over back home. I don’t want to cause you any more trouble than I already have, so I will keep this brief.

I’ve remembered many things about myself, more bad than good. Most of the things I can handle. It’s all things I have lived through before and if I could survive them once, I can survive them again. But I remembered something that I simply cannot forgive myself for.

Yesterday, as he had been trying to drift off to sleep, he suddenly and abruptly remembered more about his mother.

Things had been happening like this. After he initially got his memories back, he only remembered the basics. He remembered Naruhodou was his best friend, but it took some time to remember specific events with him. He remembered that he lived with Susato but it took awhile for him to remember the days he spent watching her grow up. He remembered his father had been killed unjustly, but hardly remembered any of the time he had spent with him as a child until much, much later. So why would it be any different with his mother?

He remembered something from a long time ago, when he was just about nine years old. It was the middle of summer, he was on break, and he was incredibly bored. He was bored a lot lately. When he was in school, things weren’t so bad. He had something to do everyday and once he got home, he usually had enough studies to occupy his time and his mind. But when he was on break there was very little to do but sit around the house and mope. He had a few friends from school he would see occasionally but many of them would spend the holiday with family that lived far away or helping around the house or something along those lines.

Besides, he couldn’t deny that he just didn’t feel the drive to do much.

He missed his father. He did, and that was all to it. He had promised him that he’d be tough and he’d be fine during the years of his absence but the truth of the matter remained that he was a child and an abroad trip lasting multiple years was essentially an eternity to him and he missed him. He remembered that before all this during the summer, he’d spend time with both his parents when they had the time and he missed it. He loved his mother to pieces, but it just wasn’t the same. It was lonelier somehow, for the both of them.

“Kazuma,” his mother said from her spot by the table, “what are you doing?”

She was sitting not too far away from him, working away on a lovely yukata that was bright blue and covered in white flowers. It looked about done to him, but he wasn’t much of a professional. A year ago, he would’ve eagerly sat with her and asked her what the flower on it was and what it stood for but today and lately he just didn’t feel like it.

“I don’t know.” He replied. He was laying on the floor by the open screen door. It was raining lightly right now and he had been just staring at it for the past half hour or so and listening to the monotonous rhythm of the raindrops hitting the leaves.

“You shouldn’t mope around like that, you know.”

Asougi said nothing and just rolled over onto his side. She just shook her head.

“After the rain stops, let’s go for a walk, shall we?”

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see. Just be patient, all right?”

Honestly, he wasn’t in the mood for a walk. But he had no reason to refuse and didn’t want to come off as bratty, so he just ran his hand through his messy hair and nodded.

As soon as the rain stopped, they headed out. She tried to hold his hand as they walked, but he kept shaking his hand out of her grip. He was grown up! He was tough! He didn’t need to hold her hand! Eventually she gave up and they just walked side by side. They headed up north a ways, where eventually Sayaka steered off the path and into the forest, which was unlike her. Usually when she wanted to go out with him, it was to get groceries or visit friends or something of the like. She and Genshin had always told him not to wander off like this, but she seemed to know what she was doing so he followed her.

“Where are we going?” He finally asked.

“Someplace secret.” She said, bringing her finger to her lips. “Not even your father knows about it. So keep it a secret when he gets back, will you?”

“Sure.”

A few minutes into the woods, they reached what looked like a dead end. In front of them was a large thicket of greenery that stretched out even taller than his mother. He was going to bring this up to her, but she seemed unperturbed and simply parted the thick leaves, creating a path for him, nodding for him to go through. Inside, to his surprise, he found a large clearing of grass. Growing around it were all sorts of flowers in a plethora of colors. He stood there perplexed as his mother followed in behind him; this whole place was hidden from the world by the large foliage that grew around it. Were it not for his mother, he would have never guessed this was even here.

“This is my secret garden.” She said proudly, gesturing to the rainbow of flowers all around them. “I found this place when I was about your age. Didn’t you ever wonder how I managed to get so good at drawing flowers?“

”Not really.” He shrugged. “I just assumed you were born great at it.”

She just chuckled at that. She made her way further in, and sat down by a cluster of purple lilies.

“Come here, Kazuma. Why don’t we draw together?”

“The ground’s damp.”

“As if that bothers you. I recall you and your father running around in the mud last spring like it was nothing.”

“I guess.” He gave up and sat beside her. She pulled out two sketchpads and some pencils, handing one to him.

“Which flower are you going to draw?” She asked.

“The best one.” He replied immediately.

“Which is?”

He looked around for a moment and hesitated. He had answered so quickly he hadn’t even thought about it.

“I dunno, which one do you like best?”

“I like lilies, but you don’t have to do what I’m doing. Now, which one do you like best?”

He looked around again, his eyes pouring over the vast array of flowers, that quite frankly didn’t look that different from each other. Finally, he stopped on a pretty patch of pink flowers not too far from him.

“That one.”

“Okay, then draw them.”

They sat in silence as they drew their respective pictures. As he went along, he couldn’t help but notice just how quickly his mother would run her pencil against the paper, in smooth, seemingly perfect strokes. It made him self-conscious. He wasn’t drawing like her at all. Was he doing something wrong? Maybe he was just really bad at this. He tried to imitate her movements but considering they weren’t drawing the same thing, it didn’t help at all. And by the time she had finished he felt deeply embarrassed about his and had about given up.

“What do you think, Kazuma?” She asked, showing the picture to him. It looked perfect; while of course it wasn’t in color and had more of his mother’s loose style to it, it was clear what it was and he thought it looked great. She had even had the time to draw him in behind it, sitting at a distance away and drawing as well.

“It looks… great.” He sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Mine’s awful.”

“Oh, I doubt that. Can I see it?”

“No.”

“Oh, come on. Don’t be like that. …Please?”

“I…” Honestly, as disappointed as he was in his pathetic excuse for a drawing, he had a hard time saying no to her. “Fine.” He silently handed her his sketchpad then looked at the ground in shame.

“Hmm…” She stared at it for a long while, and Asougi just made sure to keep staring at the grass beneath him. “I like it.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my mom.”

“Am not.”

He just rolled his eyes at her.

“I genuinely don’t think it’s that bad. In fact, I think it’s cute. Besides,” she said, patting him gently on the back, “you need to remember that you’re new to this. No one’s perfect at something the moment they try it.”

“But I wanna be.”

“I know you do. And you’ll get there one day, if you keep working at it.”

“How do you know that?”

“…Look, Kazuma.” She stood up, and strolled over to the patch of flowers he had been drawing. “Do you think these flowers are pretty?”

“Yeah, why?”

“What about this one?” She asked, brushing aside the flowers until she was grasping a delicate little lily bulb that had yet to blossom.

“It’s okay. Not as pretty yet.”

“Exactly. It’s not as pretty… yet.” She plucked one of the pretty flowers Asougi had been drawing and knelt down in front of him. “You’re like that flower. You’re still growing, and trying new things and getting better and better with each passing day. You just have to remember that one day, sooner than you think, you’ll be a pretty flower just like this. You’re going to do great things, Kazuma.”

She brushed some of his hair to the side and tucked the flower behind his ear.

He said nothing for a moment, simply reaching his hand up and stroking the soft petals with his fingertips.

“Great things… like what?”

“Now that’s up to you, isn’t it? What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“That’s fine, too. But I’m sure whatever you do; you’ll make me very proud. Your father, too.”

“Yeah…”

“You’ve been awfully down about him lately, huh?”

“I guess so…”

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I have been, too. That’s why I brought you out here; I figured it’d lighten your mood. We just have to hang in there.” She gave him a hug. “Keep your head up. This won’t last forever. Okay?”

“Okay.” He hugged her back, and smiled. “Thanks, mom.” 

From that day on, anytime the weather was clear and one of them found themselves in a bit of a depressive mood, they would head to that secret little garden and spend some time drawing the flowers. And just like she said, he found himself getting better at it with each passing time. He’d sit there and draw and listen as his mother told him everything about whichever flower he picked to draw that day and it was peaceful, and quiet, and a good way to forget the stresses that came to them on day-to-day life. And he found himself remembering his mother’s words anytime he found himself in a bit of a slump. Even if he failed today, there was always tomorrow. He was just a little bud, still waiting to bloom. And one of these days, he’d be able to do so. He’d just have to keep trying. And he was sure his mother would be proud of him, and he couldn’t wait to show his father how much he had bloomed when he got back.

But of course, he hadn’t come back.

And after they were notified of his death, they stopped going entirely.

Initially, it was because they simply didn’t have the time. After they had gotten the news of Genshin’s passing, Sayaka had promised that she would do all in her power to take care of him. She was utterly determined to take care of him on her own, and try to make him as happy as she could. She immediately took on more jobs and worked herself to the bone, trying to ensure that Asougi’s life would be as unchanged as possible. Of course, fate hadn’t been so kind. After a few months of exhausting, long days, she had grown ill. Despite her illness, she kept trying to work and hide it for his sake. Asougi supposed he got that from her; the fiery determination to keep at something until it was completed… or until he died. She only stopped working when one day she had collapsed on her way out the door and Asougi, wrought with worry, had forced her to finally see a doctor.

Somewhere along the lines their roles were switched. Now he was taking care of her when he could, often skipping school to do so. His mother didn’t like that, of course. He was still a child, and spending his childhood with so much responsibility piled on his shoulders was nothing short of a shame. But what choice did they have? Staying at a hospital would be costly and besides, she hated hospitals and didn’t want to leave him all by himself. He would refuse to leave her side anyways. Ever since his father had left, the two of them had grown even closer. And now that Genshin was gone for good, he just clung to her as tightly as he could. But still, she was determined to make him work as little as possible. So she would still insist that he go to school anyways. If all she needed to do was rest and take her medicine, she could do so without him fussing over her. So day after day they would argue about what he should do, both equally stubborn to win their side.

The day of her death was no different.

He remembered it had been near the end of the year. It was the middle of December, and he had a final exam back that day. He was going to fail it; that he knew for certain. He had been having a hard time focusing on school as of late and his grades were slipping because of it. It wasn’t like he was doing it on purpose; he hated being bad at things, and the red hot shame that would wash over him anytime he returned home with a failing mark felt like torture, but there were more important things on his mind at the moment.

“So what are you going to do at school today, Kazuma?” She had asked that morning, after giving up on the breakfast Asougi had made for her. He really wished she would eat more; she had been growing dangerously thin as of late. But she just had no appetite, and once she was done, she was done.

“I’m not going today.” He had replied, taking her dishes back to the kitchen, to be washed later.

“Oh? Why not?”

“We won’t be doing much. Probably just getting an exam back.”

“You can’t miss that!”

“I already know I failed it.”

“Oh, don’t talk like that.” She muttered. “You’re an intelligent child. Everyone knows that.” She had rolled onto her side, and was idly doodling on a sketchpad. Asougi really wished she’d rest more, but he supposed running a pencil against a piece of paper didn’t exert too much energy. Besides, she missed drawing. She missed being able to go outside and sketch all the things she saw, so she had to make do with what was around her. And he wasn’t about to take that away from her, too. He returned to her side.

“What are you drawing?”

“You’ll see.” She folded the paper over her skinny wrist so he couldn’t see it. “As soon as you get home from school.”

“Mom,” he sighed, “I already told you I’m not going. I’m going to fail the exam anyways, so what’s the use in going?”

“Because, Kazuma, how can you expect to get better if you never go? I know you’re smart. But if you keep skipping classes, nothing will change. Aren’t you worried about your future?”

“Aren’t you worried about yours?” Asougi asked curtly.

She laughed at that, though it quickly turned into a coughing fit. Asougi grabbed her handkerchief for her.

“S-see?” She managed. “This is what I meant. You’re smart. Maybe a little too much so.”

“I guess. But –”

“No, no buts. This is one of the last days of the year, isn’t it? You should go. You can fuss over me when it’s over.”

“But…” He trailed off as she looked at him sternly. He felt a nervous pit in his gut as he pondered the choices. As of late, he seemed to be walking a fine line between making her happy and taking care of her; and more often than not those two things didn’t coexist. He didn’t want to leave; she grew weaker everyday and he didn’t want to leave her alone if there was an emergency. But on the other hand, he knew he wouldn’t hear the end of it if he stayed; she wanted him to succeed and live a normal childhood, and caring for her while everyone else his age was in a classroom wouldn’t be doing that.

“I… fine, I’ll go.” Asougi said finally. “But I promise I’ll be home in time to give you your medicine as usual.”

“Thank you, darling. Now come here.”

He leaned forward so she could give him a kiss on the forehead, just as she did every time he left.

“Make me proud, Kazuma.” She said with a smile. He didn’t respond to her, not really knowing what to say. He couldn’t really agree, knowing he was only going to bring home disappointing news. He squeezed her hand in response, then grabbed his things and headed out the door.

School went exactly as he expected. He got to class, apologized for his recent absences, then class began. He wasn’t focusing on it much. He kept looking at the clock as the hours ticked away, anxious to return home and make sure his mother was okay. The bit of the day was spent waiting in silence, waiting for the results of last class’s exam to be handed out. He honestly considered leaving before then, but in the silence of the room he knew he’d be noticed and quickly reprimanded. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, his name was called, and he headed towards the front of the room. Staring back at him in bright red ink was a number.

94.

He stared at it in disbelief. He… had passed? Not only that, but he had excelled? He stood still and kept staring at it, frozen with shock. He had been so resigned to the idea of failing that now that he was faced with the opposite; he was having a hard time processing it. Something had gone right? For him of all people? He almost felt like he could burst out in laughter, or maybe tears. This had been the best news he had gotten in ages and he held onto the exam so tightly it began to crease in his hands. He couldn’t wait to see the look on his mother’s face when after his depressing talk this morning he had come back with something good for once. He had done something right for once, something worthy of praise, of pride…

And here he had considered not coming at all.

As soon as class dismissed he rushed out the door and was going to head home as quickly as he could like he usually did… but he hesitated. He noticed some of the other kids in his class heading the other way, towards town. He remembered overhearing from some of them that there was a confectionary in town that many of them liked to go to after exams, as a treat for a job well done or some comfort for a failed exam. Asougi had never joined them; he had always considered a job well done being reward enough, but today was different. Perhaps a treat would be a nice change of pace. Not for him necessarily, but for his mother. Things had been depressing at home for a long while now, so bringing home a treat for her too would likely bring a smile to her face. He doubted she’d be able to eat much; but at least something sweet would be a nice change from the simple, often bland foods he had been instructed to make her.

He had a little money on him, so he decided to head into town and pick up some cakes; a strawberry shortcake for himself and a mont blanc for his mother. It meant he’d be home a little late, but he figured the wait would be worth it this time. With excitement propelling him forward he rushed back home. Make me proud, Kazuma, he could hear her words clearly as he ran through the snow. It was the same thing she had told him everyday and for once, he’d finally be able to do just that.

“Mom!!” Asougi exclaimed as he burst through the door. He stopped for a moment, collecting himself; he didn’t want to startle her in case she was resting. But still, he could hardly contain himself, not even bothering to take his shoes off or dust the snow off his shoulders. “Mom? Mom! Guess what!” No response. Perhaps he hadn’t woken her after all. He headed further inside. “Hey, mom?”

Perhaps he hadn’t woken her because he couldn’t have. After all, when he got to her bedroom, he noticed she hadn’t moved much since he had left her, and her eyes were still open and still open and glossy and were staring blankly at the unfinished drawing she had been working on. It was a beautiful sketch of a blossoming cherry tree, drawn from memory. Beneath it was a little cat, curled up and sleeping in the sunlight. Written beneath it was Congratulations, Kazuma! As usual, she had more faith in him than he did. More faith in him than he deserved.

After all, a good son would have been home on time to help. If not, a good son would have cried and done something useful. A good son would have gone to her side and stayed there. A good son would have stayed put and called someone for help.

But he wasn’t a good son and before he could even process what had happened, he had dropped the bag of cakes and was running, back out the door, and far away from here. He didn’t know why he was running, or where he was going, but he just kept running and running, terrified.

Before he knew it, he found himself someplace familiar. That cold little garden, not too far from home. Hoarse and tired, he knew he should go back but he didn’t. He parted the cold, snow-covered foliage and made his way to the clearing.

It was almost winter, so of course most of the flowers were dead, their leaves and petals withered and discolored beneath the snow that had fallen in recent months. With nowhere further to go, he sank to the ground, staring back at the dead flowers, unable to bring himself to do much more. He felt like he was shutting down, like the whole world around him had just stopped moving along with him and he just stared and stared and stared, unmoving, hardly even blinking as the weight of everything that had just happened threatened to crush him.

This was his fault. This was entirely his fault. If he hadn’t gone to school, if he hadn’t wasted time getting those treats, then he would've been home on time to help her and this wouldn’t have happened. At the very least he could’ve probably said a proper goodbye to her. His mother would still be alive, and then she’d be able to give him the picture she had drawn him in congratulations and he would be able to show her his excellent grade and proved he had deserved it and then she’d smile at him and have him lean forward so she could ruffle his hair and tell him how proud of him she was. That’s all he had wanted, really. To see her smile again when the past couple of months had been so incredibly rough on her… to make her proud when there had been so little as of late to be happy about… that’s all he had wanted. But here he had managed to somehow mess up something that simple and his poor mother had paid the price for it; all because he had wanted a little extra. All because a simple good grade wasn’t good enough for him and he wanted more when he should have just been happy as is and he could’ve gone home in time like he should have and he could have been there for her and she could have been all right and things would have been all right and maybe, just maybe, finally, after all this time, he could have been all right too.

Those negative thoughts swirled in his mind over and over again as he remained still and silent on the cold ground for a very, very long time. So long that he hadn’t noticed as the minutes ticked away into hours and the sun sank behind the clouds before rising again in the morning and even when his skin grew numb and it began to snow lightly again, he still stayed in place, staring at the flowers before him. He knew he should get up. He should go home warm himself up and call someone. He should be a grown up and deal with what had happened. But… he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to think about what had happened to her, and all of the blood on his hands. He didn’t want to call someone and have to deal with the looks of disdain on their faces when they would inevitably realize that this was all his fault and there was so much he should have done but didn’t do and he was going to have to live with that for the rest of his life. He just stared at the frozen, dead little flowers before him, unwilling or unable to move. He couldn’t help but notice that some of the dead flowers were buds, as well. He remembered what his mother told him, about him being a small bud like that, that one day he’d grow big and beautiful and do all sorts of wonderful things and she’d be there to see it and tell him how happy it had made her. He had failed to realize, and she had neglected to mention, that there was always a chance that little flowers could freeze over and die before they grew into anything special.

“Asougi-kun?”

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone calling for him. Despite hearing the voice, he didn’t answer it.

“Asougi-kun, are you out here?”

Asougi curled up further on himself. Whoever it was had probably seen his footprints and grew closer, parting the heavy leaves. 

“Asougi-kun? Oh, thank goodness you’re here.” The man stepped forward, then placed his hand on Asougi’s shoulder. For some reason the man’s voice and the gentleness of his touch made him think of –

“Dad?” Asougi asked stupidly, looking up at the man. It wasn’t him of course; Genshin was dead and gone for a while now; Asougi was just too stupid and stubborn to let himself remember that. The man before him was shorter than his father and a bit more heavy set. He had a more prominent mustache, too. Asougi recognized him as one of his father’s friends, but couldn’t quite remember what his name was. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you that.”

“It’s all right.” He smiled at that. “I’ve had that happen to me a lot.”

Asougi just nodded, not wanting to embarrass himself by speaking anymore.

“How long have you been out here? You must be freezing!” He took off his heavy hanten jacket and draped it over Asougi’s shoulders. “There you are. ...How are you feeling?”

Asougi didn’t know how to answer that and remained silent.

“Uh… well… Perhaps you don’t remember me. Do you know who I am?”

Asougi shook his head.

“That’s all right, too. My name’s Yuujin Mikotoba. I’m a friend of your father’s; but I knew your mother, too.”

“I’m sorry.” Asougi said again. The thought of his mother brought a pit in his stomach. This man probably knew what happened; that’s why he came to find him. This man was probably mad at him. This man probably knew what he had done. Or more accurately, hadn't done. “I’m really sorry. I know I should have – ”

“It’s all right.” He interrupted gently. “Listen, Asougi-kun, you didn’t do anything wrong. I know just how difficult it is to lose someone close to you. I just want to help you out, if I can.”

Asougi thought to ask why, but it was a little too late to do so, considering Mikotoba had already given him his coat as a sign of help. He wrapped the coat tighter around himself and just nodded.

"We should get you out of here. Come on, Asougi-kun, we can talk when we get someplace warm." He held his hand out for him, but Asougi made no effort to move. He didn't want to leave. Not yet, at least. He didn't want to leave this special place, this place that belonged just to him and his mother and brought about happy times. He didn't want to leave and acknowledge what had happened yet. Despite his stubbornness, Mikotoba just looked sympathetic and seemingly gave up, kneeling in the snow beside him. 

“All right, we can stay here for now if you want, Asougi-kun."

Asougi still didn't say anything.

"I know this must not be what you want to talk about now, but do you have any family you can stay with at all? I know your father passed away too, but…” He quieted when Asougi shook his head. “A-all right then. Do you have any family friends you can think of that might take you in?” Again, Asougi shook his head. Both of his parents had friends like Mikotoba that he had met a few times in passing, but… none of them he was very close with. And none of them, he knew, would want to help him if they knew what had happened. 

“Well…” Mikotoba trailed off, and Asougi looked away again, not wanting to look at him. He was going to be sent away somewhere, some pathetic child no one wanted, and he would have to say goodbye to his home and what few friends he still had and everything he knew and that would be the end of it. “Asougi-kun, how would you like to stay with me?”

Asougi still didn’t say anything, but his head shot up in confusion.

“It’s a bit of a ways away from here, but… we have more than enough space for you. It’s just me and my daughter, Susato. She’s seven; and she’s the sweetest little girl you’ll ever meet. I’m sure you’ll just love her.”

“B-but… you can’t do that. I don’t want to cause you any trouble…”

“Nonsense! You could never trouble me.” Asougi still didn’t seem convinced. Mikotoba just smiled at him. “Look… I made a promise to your father a long while ago that should anything happen to him; I would help you and your mother if you needed it. Your mother was rather stubborn and didn’t like relying on others, but… it’s a promise I intend on keeping with you, at the very least.”

“A promise…” Asougi mumbled. He thought about his mother, about all the things she had promised he’d do, and the last thing he had promised her, the promise he had failed to fulfill before she had died… Make me proud, Kazuma.

“That’s right, a promise. If you don’t want to stay with me, you don’t have to. But at the very least let me help you find some place to go. Please; it’s the least I can do.”

He just stared at Mikotoba for a moment, uncertain of what to say. If Professor Mikotoba could keep a promise to his parents long after they had died… then perhaps he could do the same. He had to. Perhaps one day, he could do something great. Something far greater and more important than acing some silly exam. He’d do something fantastic, something that would make any parent completely and utterly proud. He’d bloom so beautifully and when he did that… maybe then his mother would be able to forgive him for what he had let happen to her. And maybe then he’d be able to forgive himself.

“I’ll come with you.” Asougi finally said. “Mikotoba-san… thank you so much.”

“Think nothing of it. Like I said, it’s a promise.” He stood up and held his hand out for Asougi. “Come now, why don’t we head someplace warm? I’m sure Susato will be thrilled to meet you. We can come back for your things later on. Besides… when’s the last time you got some sleep? I’m sure you must be so exhausted.”

“Mmm.” Asougi took his hand, but even after he got to his feet, Mikotoba didn’t let go of it. He knew it was childish of him to keep holding on too, but Asougi appreciated the comfort it brought. He held onto it tightly as they walked out of the garden, away from that special place, and away from his mother for good. He kept his eyes glued the ground as he walked away from everything he had considered to be home, trying to convince himself over and over again that it was okay that he was abandoning her, that it was okay that he was leaving her behind, that as soon as he did something great… perhaps the heaviness in his heart might finally go away and a beautiful flower might bloom in its place.

And then he could be forgiven.

When I was young and naïve and felt like I had the whole world ahead of me I figured that one day I would be okay with it. Once everything was said and done and I had done something right for my family, I’d be able to forgive myself. But that’s not what happened, was it? I did nothing. This whole time, I did nothing to make things better and with every turn I only managed to make things worse and worse.

When he had discovered that there was more to his father’s death than mere illness, he determined that was what he could do to help both of his parents. Clearing his father’s name would avenge him. And lifting the curse that had wrongfully been placed upon their family was something he knew would make his mother proud of him. So he had worked tirelessly, for years on end, to do what he needed to do to get closer to that goal. It had been the one thing that had driven him forward and made him focus and keep getting out of bed each morning and helped him to ignore the emptiness in his heart. What did his sadness matter? He had brought it upon himself! Besides, once he proved his father’s innocence and helped both of his parents, he’d be happy. Right?

But of course that’s not what happened. In the end, he hadn’t done a single thing for them, had he? Sure, he had tried to pursue the truth. That was his goal this whole time. But he had let himself become so dirty on the way there that he doubted his parents would forgive him for it. He had agreed to take another person’s life if it meant getting any closer to the truth, and in the end, when his goal was finally in his grasp, what had he done? He had tried to pin it all on Van Zieks instead of trying to reason his way through things.

He wasn’t the one that had saved his parents. Naruhodou was. He hadn’t done anything at all but cause more problems and dirty himself along the way. Not only did he fail to make his parents happy, but he had no doubts that he had likely managed to make them hate him, as well. He had never managed to bloom into something beautiful, and he doubted he'd ever be able to. 

He had been slowly and steadily letting the guilt of causing so many problems eat away at him, but remembering the truth of what had happened to his mother, that it wasn’t just the illness she had died of but his own incompetence, had been the final straw. He realized there was no retribution for him. Every single time he had done something horrible or let something horrible happen to him he had tried to bury it down and forget it, knowing that he could accept it as soon as his life long mission of helping his family was complete. No matter what he suffered through, it’d be okay in the end, and it would be worth it. But now he realized that there really was no going back for him. There was no way he could earn that forgiveness anymore. In his long, pathetic life, he had truly done nothing to help anyone. He had wasted the Mikotoba’s space, he had wasted Naruhodou’s time, and he had let his parents down in every way imaginable. Nothing about Asougi Kazuma was even remotely redeemable. And he knew the only possible thing left for him to do was apologize.

He needed to apologize to his father, who he had let go all those years ago, when he should have clung onto him and made him stay. He needed to apologize to him for following in his footsteps a little too closely, and becoming so wrought with grief and frustration that he almost let himself become a killer, too. He needed to apologize to him for letting himself become so wretched and dirtied on the path to clearing his name that he hadn’t even been the one to save him. Genshin may be seen as innocent now but Asougi had realized on the path to making that so, he himself had become shrouded with guilt.

He needed to apologize to his mother, who he had let die all those years ago, when he should have stayed home with her and kept her alive. Unlike his father, he had had control over that situation. She had grown terribly ill, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have recovered. And she likely could have gotten better, if it weren’t for him. She could have lived for so much longer, she could have potentially still been around now, and she could have continued to make so many people happy, himself included. He needed to apologize to her for letting her die and being so stupid and pathetic that he couldn’t even fulfill one simple, childish promise to make her proud because when was the last time he had done anything to be proud of? He needed to apologize to her for using her memory as a means of being selfish and letting himself keep going when in reality he should have given up a long time ago. Why did he think he’d ever be able to do it? Why the hell did he think he would ever be able to make her proud when he couldn’t even save her life?

He was going to end things right then and there, but he realized there was one more person he needed to apologize to… Naruhodou.

I’ll spare you the details. This secret dies with me. And I know for a fact telling you would only serve to make you despise me further. Assuming you don’t hate me already.

If he was being honest, he had half a mind to sit and wait a moment, and tell Naruhodou about what he had remembered. The troublesome flashback had left him on the verge of a complete and utter meltdown; and in that moment he had wanted nothing more than to reach out to somebody and hold onto them before he fell further. As usual, of course, he had considered telling Naruhodou about this. Naruhodou, his best friend, the man he loved and trusted more than anyone else in this world. There was a time in his life where he could imagine himself telling Naruhodou his deepest darkest secrets, and he could imagine Naruhodou crying with him and holding him tight and reassuring him that it was okay and that he’d help him get through it. But any chance of that being a possibility Asougi had swiftly killed a long time ago.

Why would Naruhodou want to hear about this? Why would Naruhodou be sympathetic towards it? Why would he want to support him or help him or lower himself enough to even want to touch him in comfort? If Asougi told Naruhodou about what had happened to his mother, he knew what would happen. Naruhodou would be disgusted. Naruhodou would call him a killer. Naruhodou would despise him, assuming he didn’t already. Just the thought that Asougi might have done something wrong had been enough to scare him away. If he knew the truth… then Asougi might as well kiss what little remained of their friendship goodbye.

What good was it to try and go to him when he knew what the result would be? What good was it to hope when life had proven to him time and time again that reaching out to others when he had problems only lead to more problems? He had long since realized that keeping all this to himself was the right thing to do. He’d live with it and die with it if it meant never troubling anyone ever again.

Naruhodou, this is probably the last time I will be writing you. You’re just one of the many people I need to apologize to. But still, I want to thank you for all the things you’ve done for me. Were it not for you, the horrible mystery surrounding my father’s death would have forever remained unsolved. I would have never gotten closure for all the things that had happened to my family. I know they never met you, but I’m sure my mother and father would be proud of you.

Asougi knew he should stop being selfish and just go already. He needed to apologize to his parents, and at this point he knew there was really only one way he could do that. But he wanted to apologize to Naruhodou too. He wanted to make it clear to him that he was sorry for all he had done, instead of just disappearing off of the face of the earth with no warning and causing him to needlessly worry.

After remembering what had happened to his mother, after remembering what he had done to her, all he wanted to do was disappear. But he decided to hold back on that for now and give his dear friend one final apology and one final goodbye. He pulled out some paper and began to write in a hasty frenzy, trying to come up with the right thing to say to him. He wanted to properly tell him that he was sorry, that none of this was his fault, that he loved him so, so much… and because of that he deserved so much more and wouldn’t be holding him back any longer. This might upset Naruhodou initially, but at the very least he knew that Naruhodou was destined to live a long, happy life, and soon enough his memory of Asougi would fade and become nothing but a small blemish on an otherwise joyful life. The thought of Naruhodou living to a ripe old age and being able to do so easily without him around was what kept Asougi’s hand moving, and ensured he wrote a letter of apology, rather than one selfishly asking for help.

Once he was finished he headed to the post office that night and sent it out. It would likely be some time before Naruhodou got it. And by then he would be long gone, and as soon as he read the letter and understood why he had done it, he would be able to move on quickly and forget all about him. It was for the best, and it was what Asougi wanted, too. He hoped that one day, Naruhodou wouldn’t remember him at all, and would be able to smile brightly, leading a wondrously happy life without his burdensome presence there to hold him back.

But he mustn’t dwell on Naruhodou any longer. If he did so, he might reconsider his plans. He might dwell on the false hope of a happy ending to all this. He might consider reaching out and leaning on him when he knew all the while he was simply going to fall. Besides, staying any longer would be selfish of him. He had more people he needed to apologize to. People he needed to earn forgiveness from. And he’d like to do that sooner rather than later.

I’m proud of you too, Naruhodou. I know you’re going to do great things one day. Please don’t think any of this was your fault; you’ve been nothing but a positive, wonderful force in my life. I have no doubt that you’re going to be one of the best defense attorneys in Japan, if not even the whole world. I can rest easy knowing you’re going to live a long, wondrously happy life, without me there to burden you further.

Asougi wandered around the deserted streets of London late that night until he found a bridge that hung high over the river Thames. He climbed up upon the railing and he stared at the rushing waters far below him. The tumultuous sound of the currents as well as the heavy beating of his anxious heart were so deafening that he didn’t even notice the sound of footsteps approaching behind him.

Sincerely,

Kazuma Asougi

Chapter Text

When I attended Asougi’s trial after his death, there were a couple points brought up by the defense that, while eventually deemed irrelevant or not substantial enough to deter the defendant’s guilt, were I his defense attorney and actually believed him to be innocent, I would have pursued them.

For one, the trajectory of the bullets was strange. It appeared that the killer had shot upwards at him. If he was shot at point blank, why would the bullets have entered his body in such a strange way? His killer was taller than him; why would he need to shoot up at him?

Not only that, but there was a substantial lack of blood at the crime scene, as well as on the killer’s clothing. The killer claimed he shot Asougi, and then dumped his body into the river. But despite that there was no blood on the bridge, nor any traces of blood on the defendant’s clothing. I imagine it would be difficult to shoot someone, then catch a body before it hits the ground and throw it into the river without getting any blood on yourself during the day; so how could it possibly be managed in the darkness of night?

And most curious of all, Asougi wasn’t wearing any shoes when his body was found. No one was able to find his boots; the killer didn’t take them, and why would he? Asougi was smaller than him; he wouldn’t be able to use them. And a search of Asougi’s flat yielded no results, either. This was deemed irrelevant, but it still struck me as extremely bizarre.

It turns out all of these questions could easily be answered with one single, horrible truth: Asougi’s death was a suicide attempt interrupted by murder. The killer shot up at Asougi because he had been standing on the railing. There was hardly any blood because Asougi had simply fallen off; the killer didn’t even need to touch him. And his shoes? Well…

After I received this letter and found out what had really happened to him, I confronted Holmes-san about it. He was the first one to figure out where Asougi had been killed, after all. The whole time, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off about the way he was acting. It reminded me of how he had acted when he faked Asougi’s death on the S.S. Alaclaire. With no more reason to lie, he finally told me the truth: that he knew Asougi’s death had been an interrupted suicide this whole time. It wasn’t the bullet casings that had lead him to the crime scene like he had initially told me: it was Asougi’s boots, placed neatly beside the railing, that had actually caught his attention. It didn’t take him long to put two and two together and realize what had happened.

However, just like he did on the S.S. Alaclaire, he decided to hide this truth from everyone, myself included. He stole Asougi’s boots and hid them in his flat before alerting the police that he had found the crime scene. I was furious with him when I found out about this. I couldn’t believe that once again he had lied to me about my dear friend’s fate. But once he explained his reasoning to me… I understood why he did it.

He’s seen, many times, just how cruelly the English treat the Japanese. They think us to be archaic and strange. They find any excuse to find fault in us. Holmes-san realized this and knew, if any evidence came to light that Asougi had tried to kill himself that night, there was a chance the jury might not take his case as seriously. Holmes-san knew that I would want justice for Asougi. He wanted that, too. So he made sure that there was no doubt that his death would be seen as a murder. That way, it would be tried as such, with no room for the blame to be placed on Asougi instead.

That, and he wanted to protect me. Asougi was dead; for real this time. That was the cold, hard truth. And he knew that once I found out he had died, I’d be devastated. He wanted to protect me from the horror I’d feel if I found out Asougi had intended to kill himself. He was likely going to keep that secret to his grave if he could have. But how could he have known that Asougi would tell me himself?

I hold no ill will towards Holmes-san for what he did. He just wanted to protect me. And besides, Asougi was murdered. That was the truth, no matter what the circumstances were that lead up to it.

…Ryuu, I’m sorry for keeping this from you for so long. I just… I know you. And if you knew from the start that Asougi had these thoughts, you might treat him differently. You might act like he was made of glass and baby him. I don’t think that’s what he would have wanted. He always hated it when people fussed over him or treated him like a child. If he didn’t like people reaching out when he really was suffering, I doubt he’d want you to coddle him all the time.

You’ve probably been wondering why I’ve been giving you so many menial tasks. I suppose now you know why. If Asougi’s death truly were as simple as him getting murdered on the 21^st in cold blood, I would have left it at that. I would have told you to make sure he doesn’t go out that night and that would be all there was to it. But it just wasn’t that simple. As I’ve said before, I’ve read this final letter many, many times. And as I’ve done so, I quickly realized this could have been prevented long ago. There was so much I could have done to keep him alive, but I failed to do so. And here we are.

Asougi doesn’t blame me for what happened. He told me that himself. But I still blame myself for it anyways. Throughout the letter he mentioned multiple times that he had considered reaching out to me and telling me about what was troubling him… but he chose to stay quiet instead and let those feelings consume him rather than run the risk of upsetting me. That was entirely my fault. The first time he had ever opened up to me, I shut him down and acted like he was evil for it. I said that I didn’t know him anymore, that he was an entirely different person simply for being upset, and I demonized him for it. I made him believe that he was such a burden that I’d rather have him suffer in silence than dare show me that he was struggling.

I never could have guessed that all the things I had said to him during that final trial would hurt him so badly. I had foolishly thought that since Asougi didn’t actually do anything, things were just okay now. He really was the friend I had fallen for from the beginning, even if his actions had unsettled me a little. Surely he must have known that I didn’t mean it since he truly was innocent. But the fact of the matter remains that I never told him that. We never properly talked after the trial ended. I never got to tell him that I didn’t mean what I had said, that I had learned after all that he was victim in all this mess too, and that above all else… he was still my friend, and I still loved him. Because of what I had said and because I had left so quickly without wanting to make amends, I made him believe that he was nothing but a burden to me. And he spent the last months of his life thinking I despised him.

That is something I will never, ever be able to forgive myself for.

But not only that, there was so much more I could have done, too. If Asougi had eaten that chicken on the S.S. Alaclaire, then maybe he would have never suffered through forgetting everything and then reliving such a painful life. If whatever it was that had pushed him to the breaking point he had lived through before and accepted already… then perhaps it wouldn’t have broken him again if he had known it from the start.

But I think the biggest issue of them all was his inability to reach out towards others. When Holmes-san finally told me what happened, I eventually told Susato-san and her father, as well. They were devastated, of course, but I thought it right that they know the truth. Later on, I asked Professor Mikotoba if he had any idea what had happened to Asougi in his past that would make him want to give up. As much as I had deluded myself into believing I knew Asougi well… the fact of the matter is that I had only known him for a few mere years while Professor Mikotoba had taken him in for a decade. He had some ideas, but unfortunately he wasn’t sure either.

He told me that Asougi had lived a rather tough life. His father left for good when he was only eight. He got the feeling Asougi blamed himself for his father’s departure. Whenever the subject of his father came up he would change the subject or find an excuse to leave. It seemed that even as the years passed he had never gotten over what had happened to him.

He told me that Asougi had had to take care of his mother in the months leading to her death when he was just fourteen. And if that wasn’t difficult enough for him, he told me that Asougi had been the one to find his mother’s body and had been so distraught with grief that he had run away out into the cold until Professor Mikotoba had found him the next morning. He would hardly look at him, let alone speak to him, and it took him a few weeks to get back to talking normally but he doubted Asougi had ever truly moved past that. He would worry needlessly whenever Professor Mikotoba or Susato-san caught a cold, seemingly believing that it would kill them.

He told me that Asougi had always been rather aloof towards him and Susato-san. He was polite and courteous enough of course, but he had always been on edge and always seemed to be pushing himself so hard. It seemed there was always something eating away at him but he would never tell anyone what it was. All Professor Mikotoba had wanted was for Asougi to have as normal of a childhood in his home as he could, but it seemed that for whatever reason, Asougi would not grant himself that pleasure. 

And of course, there was always the possibility that it was something he never knew about. Asougi never talked much about himself; so there’s always the chance it was something that had happened to him before he had moved in with the Mikotobas. Or it could have been a secret that had happened to him that he had refused to tell anyone. To this day I still have no clue what it was that pushed him over the edge. It seems he was right; the secret really did die with him.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t help him. I failed Asougi. I made him feel like he was worthless. I made him feel as though no one cared about him. I made him feel like there was no one for him to reach out to. And all of that coupled with him being forced to relive a traumatic and painful past had finally pushed him past the breaking point. But all of that could be so easily changed.

If Asougi eats the chicken on the S.S. Alaclaire, he won’t lose his memories and perhaps not having to relive the memory will make it less likely to kill him.

If Asougi does lose his memories, but I had found him first, perhaps I could help him remember things and heal in a safe environment.

If I had kindly dissuaded Asougi while still being sympathetic of his feelings during that last trial rather than demonize him for them, then perhaps he wouldn’t think his feelings were a burden and he might confide in me when he needed it rather than hide it.

If I had stayed behind in England like I was supposed to, then I could have supported him instead of letting him struggle and suffer all on his own.

And if I had convinced him, a long time ago, that he could open up to me, that he could trust me, and that I would always be happy to listen to him and help him… then perhaps all of this could be avoided before it even begins. Sometimes the tiniest things can make a world of difference.

I know this is all easier said than done. And I sincerely doubt it’s possible for you to do every single thing I have asked of you. I’m sorry for piling so much responsibility upon your shoulders, but I’m afraid I had no other choice. If I could turn back time and make it so Genshin never set foot in England, or that Klimt Van Zieks never killed anyone, or that Vortex never managed to get any sort of political power, I would. But it would be impossible for someone like me to convince anyone else of the future they have in store. The only person who I know would listen to me is you. So I’m sorry, Ryuu, but I’m afraid it’s all up to you.

I know I’m asking a lot of you, and I know it won’t be easy… but I’m begging you here, Ryuu. If anyone can do this, it’s you.

Please convince Asougi that he’s not alone, that he has many people in his life who care about him.

Please remind him that he is not a burden to anyone; that no matter what he’s been through, he still doesn’t deserve to suffer alone.

Please remind him that he is loved. So, so much.

Please don’t wind up like me. I want you to be able to live the happy future with him I never got to see for myself. I want you to be able to grow old with Asougi by your side. I want you to be able to look back on this horrible time and be able to laugh about it; as it is nothing more than a bad memory.

Please save Asougi, Ryuu. That is my only wish.

Thank you for listening to me.

Your friend,

Naruhodou Ryuunosuke

Like many pages before this, Ryuunosuke noticed dried up teardrops causing the paper to curl and the ink to smudge. His plunge into the ocean earlier hadn’t helped that; and neither did the fact that he was crying right now, too.

He folded the letter back up and stuffed it into the drawer of the bedside table beside him, not wanting to ruin it even further. He then buried his face in his hands and began to weep, gritting his teeth as to not sob out loud. Perhaps he was stupid, but he had never read into the seemingly random tasks the letter had instructed him to do. He had just accepted them at face value, figuring that helping Asougi live happily was just as important as keeping him alive. In a way, that was true. But he never could have guessed that it was all to prevent Asougi from wanting to take his own life.

He took another deep, shuddering breath as more tears began to fall.

Asougi… he never would have guessed that he would want to die. He always seemed so confident and determined. It was hard to imagine someone like that reaching the breaking point. Or was it? Now that he thought about it, the signs were always there, weren’t they? They were fleeting and far apart, but the cracks in Asougi’s confident façade always managed to show themselves in one way or another. From calling himself a fraud when Ryuunosuke had defended himself, to hiding away whenever he was upset, to claiming comfort and support was something he needed to earn and deserve… Asougi utterly despised himself, didn’t he? And if nothing changed, those strong, harmful feelings were going to be the death of him.

Ryuunosuke took a few deep breaths; trying to calm himself, but to little avail. He wanted to remind himself that he had helped already. That perhaps the letter was right and he had already done enough to save Asougi’s life by now. But how could he know for certain, especially when he had already let so many horrible things happen to him? Asougi had still lost his memories. He was still going to remember all of the painful things he had been forced to live through. What if Ryuunosuke still hadn’t done enough? What if his being here didn’t impact anything? What if Asougi still tried to kill himself in just a few short months? What if it was already too late to help him?

“Naruhodou?”

Asougi’s groggy, soft voice startled him and he looked over to find Asougi staring at him, though his gaze was rather unfocused and glassy.

“A-Asougi…” Ryuunosuke stammered. He quickly wiped his eyes on his pajama sleeve, but he was crying too much for it to help much. “Sorry, did I wake you? You should go back to sleep; I know how tired you are.”

“Mmm… what happened?” He mumbled.

“Nothing.” He hoped, that in his sleepy state, Asougi wouldn’t be able to notice how upset he was. But it would seem he had no such luck. Asougi glared, looking the slightest bit more focused.

“What’s the matter?” Naruhodou didn’t know what to say to that and just continued to whimper, his shoulders quaking as he tried to calm himself. “Did you have a nightmare?”

“…Yeah.” He finally said. “T-that’s all it was so don’t worry about it. Just go back to bed, all right? I’ll join you soon.”

Asougi still looked groggy but despite that he wasn’t deterred. He reached his hand out and set it on Ryuunosuke’s knee.

“Whatever happened wasn’t real.” He whispered. “I try to tell myself that when it happens to me.”

“Asougi…” How in the world was he supposed to tell him that it really had happened? And that it really might happen again if nothing was changed? And that maybe it was too late and it was going to happen regardless? “I’m sorry, but can I hold you?”

Asougi was seemingly too tired to register that because rather than get flustered he simply shut his eyes and spread his arms for him.

“If that would make you feel better.”

Ryuunosuke just nodded and laid down, wrapping his arms around Asougi’s back and pulling him close. Asougi didn’t say anything else and just held him in return. It didn’t take long for Asougi to fall asleep again, his embrace growing weak and his breathing deepening, but Ryuunosuke didn’t mind, knowing he wouldn’t be able to come up with any good conversation anyways. He tried to shut his eyes and fall asleep too but he was having a hard time relaxing. How could he relax after what he had just read? How could he relax when knew that Asougi was going to want to kill himself in just a few short months? And how could he relax when he didn’t know why, and neither did anyone else?

He took a deep breath and pulled Asougi a little closer, pressing his face against his chest. That way, through his nightshirt, he could hear the muffled sound of Asougi’s heart beating softly. It helped, a little. It helped to ground him and make him remember what he really should be focusing on. Asougi wasn’t dead yet. He needed to remember that. He couldn’t give up yet. Not when there was still time left.

But he still couldn’t help but worry. It seemed the more he learned about Asougi the more he was going to worry for him. Had anything good happened in his life in… ever? It made him shudder to think of all Asougi had been through. As if the things he had learned at face value weren’t enough… it scared him to know that there was so much more he likely didn’t know about. Just how much had his heart been forced to endure?

As painful as it was going to be, he couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for Asougi. No matter what it took, he was going to help him get through whatever horrors he was going to be forced to remember, so he could fall asleep every night to the gentle, reassuring staccato of Asougi’s beating heart.

For the most part, Ryuunosuke was okay with being unprepared for the future in London. Now that things had calmed down after the trial, Asougi and Ryuunosuke finally did what they had initially set out to do: they started their old law firm. Now that Asougi had regained his memories and was in his rightful place as Japan’s foreign exchange student, he had many options for what he wanted to do with his time… but despite that, he still chose to set up a law firm in Holmes’s attic, just as Susato and Ryuunosuke had done before.

However, as of yet, they hadn’t had any cases. It didn’t bother Ryuunosuke much; he remembered he and Susato only served every once in awhile, oftentimes at the last minute or when people were desperate and no one else would take their case. And even then, it was usually months in between cases. It seemed no one wanted to go to some foreign attorney to help, and while the two of them knew this, it seemed to be making Asougi antsy. After all, this was what he wanted to do. And now he was being denied the opportunity once again… through sheer chance. Ryuunosuke reassured him that sometimes it took ages for something to happen, but it seemed to do little to alleviate him when the weeks turned to months and still nothing.

Asougi’s agitation was pretty obvious, but Ryuunosuke couldn’t mind that either. After such a tense couple of months, it was kind of nice to be winding down again. It reminded him of the rather calm summer he had spent with Asougi before he had gotten his memories back; where the days were spent simply spending time together with Holmes and Iris in their flat. In fact, it was nearly identical to those times. Just as before, they were all eating meals together, and Asougi would help Iris out with her work if she so requested it, and sometimes Holmes would bring them along on some of his various investigations to point out his flawed thinking, and things were peaceful. It felt like home. He hoped it felt like home for Asougi too. He remembered one of the many things the other Asougi had mentioned in his suicide note was feelings of being lonely… perhaps now, in a full home with Holmes and Iris, he felt a bit more at ease.

Well, for the most part they were. But Ryuunosuke couldn’t deny that anxiety was still building up inside of him, especially as the few things he knew about the future played out before him.

About a month and a half after Susato and Professor Mikotoba left, they were attacked for the very first time. They had been out late that night and had walked past a small group of men. Ryuunosuke didn’t think anything of them. Asougi did; and thank goodness for that. He was quick to draw his sword and even though it upset Ryuunosuke to think about for too long, he really did seem prepared for this. He was able to protect the both of them long enough to get away relatively unscathed. But as time passed these attacks seemed to become more frequent. His future self’s warnings were true; there were still some people in London unhappy with how he and Asougi had changed things, and blamed and attacked them in place of Van Zieks. Ryuunosuke just wished he could help Asougi, but he was pretty useless with anything but a bow and arrow. So he’d stand around pathetically while Asougi protected him. While Ryuunosuke was happy to see that Asougi was still fantastic with Karuma, it still made him anxious. After all… that meant that Asougi’s killer was still out there, and his motive still hadn’t changed at all.

But what concerned Ryuunosuke even more was that Asougi was beginning to remember things.

Two months after the Mikotobas left, Ryuunosuke woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. In a panic he immediately rushed out of the flat in his pajamas, worried that Asougi’s life was in danger. Asougi hadn’t gotten far; he was only about a block away, idly running his bare fingers against the snow on the railing, leaving trails behind him as he went. He wasn’t hurt, and while he did seem a little uneasy he certainly wasn’t on the verge of a meltdown either. He apologized to Ryuunosuke for worrying him so much and reassured him that he just needed some fresh air to clear his head. Ryuunosuke begged him to just tell him next time, that he didn’t care how late it was, he wouldn’t mind staying up with him or even going out with him if he needed it. Asougi said he would, but knowing him it was only a fifty-fifty chance that that would be the case.

Thankfully, most of the time when a memory would wash itself over Asougi, he would stay put. But that didn’t ease Ryuunosuke’s worries much. After all, it was a memory that had pushed him past the breaking point. So anytime Asougi had a flashback, it would frighten him. Especially since they seemed to affect Asougi so deeply. Sometimes they were fleeting; Asougi would pause mid conversation or stare off into space for a moment, but then he’d quickly remember where he was and return to normal and sometimes even tell Ryuunosuke about it, when it was something simple like remembering a class they had had together or something along those lines. But sometimes it was much, much worse.

One morning Asougi stood quietly by the door and stared out the window, and didn’t respond when anyone spoke to him. It wasn’t until Holmes put his hand on his shoulder that he finally responded, but even then it was to tell him, in Japanese, that he didn’t want to go back to bed yet. How could he sleep when his father had just left? Asougi apologized to him when he came back to reality but it still made Ryuunosuke uneasy. The way Asougi had talked to him had sounded so childish. In that moment, he must have truly believed he was eight years old again, waiting by the window as he watched his father disappear for good.

However sometimes, Ryuunosuke couldn’t even begin to guess what Asougi was thinking. He’d zone out, quiet and still, his eyes glazed and unfocused as he seemed to be looking at nothing at all. He often wouldn’t respond if spoken to, and Ryuunosuke knew better than to touch him when he was in such a state, but it still terrified him. The first time it had happened, he had honestly thought Asougi to be dead. He knew it was stupid of him; Asougi was clearly breathing, just dazed and unresponsive, but it still terrified him. What must be going on in that head of his? What was he being forced to remember? How could he get him to come back?

He just had to hope that staying with him, that telling him he could talk to him whenever he needed, and that spending every day by his side would be enough. While things were still a little tense with Asougi still recovering from all that had happened to him, things were slowly starting to feel like they had back when they were in university. Asougi laughed a lot more now, and they were able to just relax and enjoy themselves more without any heavy missions weighing down upon their shoulders. Along with that, Asougi seemed to greatly enjoy Iris’s company, and while he was a little wary of Holmes for being the one to fake his death, he seemed to understand why he had done it and was slowly warming up to him.

What mattered was that he wasn’t alone this time. That other Asougi that he had read about was. He had spent his final days lost in isolation, with no one around to reach out to and he had figured that there was no one around who would miss him. There was hardly anyone left who he could talk to, and the only people he had ever been even remotely close to were all the way across the sea and couldn’t have possibly been reached in an emergency. And besides, Asougi had honestly thought they had hated him… so why would he reach out?

But things were different this time. Asougi wasn’t alone, he was here at Holmes’s flat, surrounded by people who cared for him, and Ryuunosuke and Susato had never given him any reason to think they detested him. Things were different this time; Ryuunosuke just had to keep reminding himself of that as May 21^st drew closer and closer.

On May 20^th, Ryuunosuke went out of his way to make everything perfect for Asougi. While he still didn’t know what it was that would push Asougi past the breaking point, he knew it was a memory. And based on how hastily written his final letter was, Ryuunosuke could assume that it had likely been written immediately after he had remembered. Whatever that troublesome memory was, Asougi hadn’t relived it yet. Or if he did… it hadn’t affected him as horribly as it did that other Asougi. But Ryuunosuke didn’t want to optimistically assume he was out of the woods, at least not yet.

So he made sure that the day was absolutely perfect for Asougi. While they still hadn’t had any cases, they took the day off anyways. Ryuunosuke insisted it was the perfect day for a stroll. The weather was finally getting warmer, spring was well underway, and it was lovely out. It made Ryuunosuke miss home. Susato had sent them a letter recently, letting them know how much she missed them, both of them, and that the flowers were in full bloom. Ryuunosuke remembered when he and Asougi walked from class to class in the spring time, petals would often coat Asougi’s shoulders and he would often be too engaged in what they were talking about to notice. It was cute, and Ryuunosuke hoped he could see his beautiful friend sprinkled in those pretty petals again.

Asougi seemed happy today, for the most part. As happy as someone still coming to terms with himself could be, he supposed, but still happy nonetheless. He chatted with Ryuunosuke idly as they walked around the park. Susato had written them not too long ago, informing them that she would be serving in her second trial as Ryuutarou in a few days time. Asougi was really excited to hear about how it went, and had nothing but confidence for her abilities – however, he did worry that her identity might be exposed. Either way, listening to him talk and worry over her made Ryuunosuke smile. After all, it was something he was looking forward to, a future that he could see for himself that extended past tomorrow… He just hoped that Asougi would keep thinking ahead like that no matter what happened next.

That night, he made everyone spaghetti for dinner. Asougi was still very picky when it came to western food, but he seemed to have taken a liking to pasta. At dinner Iris talked excitedly with him about a future project she wanted his opinion on. She wanted to make some more of those cute little stuffed animals that also doubled as a communication device, like the one she had created of Holmes as a bunny, but for him and Ryuunosuke instead. She asked them what animals they’d like to be. Ryuunosuke said he’d like to be something simple, like a mouse. Asougi said he’d be okay with a cat, and offered to help her with it if she needed it later. Holmes was late coming home that night; he had been working on an investigation and seemed to be struggling a little. He considered bringing Asougi and Naruhodou along with him later if they had the time, but he still seemed kind of moody about having to ask in the first place. Either way, the two of them agreed to do so. Though Ryuunosuke was still worried about the possibility of there not being a tomorrow for Asougi.

But nonetheless, things seemed normal. Happy, almost. Asougi seemed content enough when he slipped into bed beside Ryuunosuke that night, but Ryuunosuke couldn’t help but be scared. Time was slipping away, and he could feel it. In his other self’s world, this was the last night Asougi would ever see, and he was going to remember something so awful that it’d break him completely. What if that happened again, in jut a few short hours, or maybe even just a few minutes? And, Ryuunosuke worried, what if it didn’t? What if it would happen later? What if Asougi survived tonight, only to die another day? What if he wasn’t able to do anything to help?

As much anxiety as his future self’s letter caused him, he almost missed it. Because no matter what awful news he read about, at the very least he’d be prepared for it as it came. But now he had nothing; all he knew was that Asougi was going to die, and that no one aside from him knew why. He wanted to believe that he was going to be okay, that he had done enough to already prevent such a horrible fate, but how could he ever know for certain?

But what more could he do now? Asougi was clearly beginning to nod off, and Ryuunosuke didn’t want to disturb him. In the darkness, Ryuunosuke reached out and gently grabbed ahold of Asougi’s arm, pulling it close to him. It was warm, and reminder that he was still with him.

“Naruhodou…?” Asougi mumbled sleepily.

“Sorry, I can let go if you’d like.”

“No, it’s okay.”

There was silence for a moment as Ryuunosuke simply held his arm beneath the covers, thinking of something to say to him. He slid his hand down further so he could hold Asougi’s. Asougi didn’t push him away, and loosely laced his fingers with him.

“Asougi?”

“Yeah?”

“What did you want to do tomorrow?”

“Hmm…” He mumbled sleepily. “I don’t know. Why?”

“Please, Asougi,” Ryuunosuke said desperately, “just tell me. It can be anything; I don’t care what. Just tell me something.”

“Mmm…” Asougi was clearly on the verge of sleep. “I dunno… let’s go on a walk like we did today or something.”

“O-okay.” Ryuunosuke said, squeezing Asougi’s hand. “Goodnight, Asougi. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Asougi just nodded a little before falling asleep. Ryuunosuke shut his eyes, too. Admittedly he was tired too, and his worrying was only exhausting him further. Besides, the promise of tomorrow was enough to ease his anxious heart, at least for now, and try as he might to stay vigilant, he wound up drifting off to sleep, right by Asougi’s side.

When Ryuunosuke woke up, it was still dark out, and he wasn’t sure what roused him. He sat up in the darkness and realized what it was; his hand was empty, and the side of the bed was cold.

Asougi was gone.

Chapter Text

Like a flash of light Ryuunosuke shot out of bed and rushed downstairs. There were no lights on, and he heard nothing. Holmes and Iris were likely both asleep in their beds, and Asougi clearly hadn’t gone down here for a glass of water or anything of the sort. The flat was cold and empty and in Ryuunosuke’s panicked mind: terrifying. When he reached the front door, he noticed Asougi’s boots were gone. Ryuunosuke gulped, holding back the urge to cry out in despair. This was not a time to panic. He needed to do something. He quickly shoved his shoes on and ran out the door. Asougi couldn’t have gotten far yet, right? It was his absence in the bed that had awoken him; so he likely hadn’t left that long ago. And besides… if history truly were repeating itself, then Ryuunosuke knew where he’d be.

He ran and ran through the empty streets of London, not caring about the chill that ran up his spine through his thin nightclothes. Asougi had to be around here. He had to be nearby. He couldn’t have left yet, right? He had to be okay. He just… he had to. Ryuunosuke had naively hoped that he would be very close, that perhaps things weren’t so bad and he had only wandered about a block or two. But when he found all the streets close to home empty, his fearful heart began to pound harder and harder. There really was only one place Asougi could be right now, right?

He kept running and running, trying to keep the tears at bay. As he ran, he couldn’t help but wonder if this is how that other Asougi had felt; wandering through the lonely, desolate streets, with nothing fueling him but the utter despair of his situation. Was that how this Asougi felt now? Had he really done nothing to change that? Had he already screwed this up? Ryuunosuke shook his head and kept going, ignoring the ache in his side and pounding of his heart and the painful burning of his throat. Who cared about any of that? It couldn’t possibly compare to how Asougi must be feeling, and he needed to help him. Before it was too late.

Finally, after what felt like ages of running, he spotted him.

As expected, Asougi was on the bridge, standing by the railing. It looked like he had left the house in a rush; his boots weren’t completely laced up and he was still wearing his pajamas. He wasn’t doing anything, though. He hadn’t climbed onto the railing, nor had he taken his shoes off, and it didn’t look like he was going to, either. He was just… standing there, staring at the flowing water below him, seemingly deep in thought.

“Asougi!!” Ryuunosuke shouted, rushing over towards him. He grabbed Asougi’s arm roughly, and took a moment to compose of himself, his voice ragged and weak from his frantic journey here. “Are… are you all right? Are you hurt anywhere? Answer me, Asougi!”

Asougi finally seemed to notice him there and just stared at him for a moment. However, it wasn’t like it usually was when he was caught in the middle of a flashback. He looked pensive, rather than dazed and lost. He clearly was in the moment and knew precisely where he was. At the very least, he didn’t seem hurt. He clearly hadn’t been shot, and he was just standing there, his feet placed firmly on the ground. He just looked… tired, like he had stumbled out of bed when all he wanted to do was sleep. He pulled his arm out of Ryuunosuke’s grip and shook his head.

“I’m not hurt.”

“W-well…” Ryuuosuke gulped. “What are you doing all the way out here? It’s really late.”

“I know. I just… needed some air to clear my head.”

“Still… Asougi, I thought I told you that if you needed to go and get some air like this, you could bring me along with you. I don’t care how late it is; I don’t mind joining you. Why don’t we go back home? We can talk there.”

Asougi said nothing, and turned away to look at the water again.

“How about we go back and I make us some tea? It’s a little chilly tonight.”

Nothing, still. He still didn’t tear his eyes away from the water.

“Please, Asougi, it’s dangerous out this late.”

Nothing. It was beginning to scare him.

“Asougi –”

“If I told you,” Asougi finally said, “you would certainly hate me.”

He still didn’t look at him. Ryuunosuke got the feeling that he simply couldn’t look back at him right now. He looked deeply troubled; and Ryuunosuke quickly realized he had seen that look on his face before. It was the same expression he had worn during his trial here, when Susato had expressed her concerns that he wasn’t really himself. He looked ashamed. He looked scared; like a child who had done something wrong and was scared of the punishment he might receive should he admit it. Ryuunosuke walked up to the railing as well, and placed his hand gently upon Asougi’s.

“I could never hate you.” He said firmly. “I mean that.”

Asougi glanced at him and took a deep breath, sliding his hand over closer so Ryuunosuke could hold it better. Despite that, he seemed almost shocked when Ryuunosuke did just that.

“Naruhodou, I can’t remember if I’ve told you this or not, but a long, long time ago, I made a promise to my mother that I would make her proud. For a long time, that promise was what kept me going, no matter how hard things got. I just wanted to make her happy. I wanted to make both of my parents happy. I was determined to just… do something right for once. But I never did that, did I?”

His hand began to tremble. Ryuunosuke squeezed it tighter.

“What have I ever done to be proud of? I let my dad go. I’m the reason my mom died. And ever since then I just kept making the wrong choices. I kept turning to the wrong people, I let myself fall into the hands of my father’s killers… hell, I almost became a killer myself! And for what? All for me to not even be the one to solve the case! I just sat there uselessly while you did all the work for me. What kind of friend am I? What kind of son am I? I’m a complete disgrace!”

Ryuunosuke could feel a pit in his stomach. This was all so similar to what that other Asougi had suffered through. He really hadn’t helped him at all, had he? These horrible, destructive thoughts were still consuming him, and he hadn’t done a single thing to help him out. Things were no different, aside from him being here. He just had to hope that would be enough this time as he listened to him.

“All I’ve ever done is cause problems for the people I love. When was the last time I ever helped anyone? Professor Mikotoba was so kind and generous to me, and what did I do aside from take up his space? Judicial Assistant Mikotoba-san is the best sister I could have ever asked for and all I managed to do was terrify her. I’ve only ever let Holmes and Iris down when they were so kind as to take me in. And… and you…”

He pulled away from Ryuunosuke again and finally turned to face him. He looked completely distraught and on the verge of tears. Ryuunosuke wanted to do nothing more in that instant than give him a hug and never let go. But he remained quiet, wanting to hear him out. He needed to listen to the words the other Asougi had never gotten to say until it was far too late. He needed to hear him out.

“Naruhodou, I’m so sorry. I’ve been an awful friend to you. I forced my way into your life without even caring about how you felt. I wasn’t able to protect you when you were wrongly put on trial. I forced you to come on this long horrible journey with me because I was too selfish to let you go! And then I went ahead and lost my memories then got arrested and forced you down a path you never wanted to be on. Look at you, Naruhodou! You were supposed to be an English student. What are you doing here stuck with me? Keeping you with me was selfish. I’ve been nothing but selfish my whole life! You deserve better than that. Everyone deserves better than that! I should stop being so selfish and just disappear!”

Asougi clenched his hand into a fist and swung it up high, to pound the railing in frustration. Ryuunosuke was going to say something, or perhaps catch his wrist before he could hurt himself, but before he got the chance to, Asougi lowered it gently upon the surface of railing, defeated.

“But… I couldn’t do it.”

Ryuunosuke’s heart skipped a beat for a moment as Asougi hung his head down low. He almost wanted to ask Asougi to repeat that. Had he heard correctly?

“I couldn’t do it.” He said again, his voice beginning to tremble. “I… I know it’s stupid of me, but… I just started thinking, and… what if tomorrow, Iris needs a hand with assembling an invention, and I’m not there to assist her with it?”

Ryuunosuke thought about their conversation at dinner, how Iris had asked them for help with a future project. He thought about the many times before then, even when Asougi was still missing his memories, when he had contentedly helped her with whatever she needed, often doing quite a bit of the heavy work for her so she didn’t have to. No matter how exhausted it had made him, he always seemed happy to do it.

“W-what if Holmes comes to the wrong conclusion on a case again, and I’m not there to help him realize his mistake?”

He thought about the time Asougi had corrected Holmes’s deductions back at the world fair. Asougi hadn’t even gotten his memories back yet but he was still as sharp as a tack and had managed to help him solve the mystery in a matter of minutes. He remembered how confident Asougi had seemed; doing something he was clearly meant to do, even if it wasn’t in the most ideal of situations.

“What if Susato wins her first case, and I’m not there to tell her how proud I am of her?”

He thought about that day when Susato had arrived from Japan, and despite Asougi still being an amnesiac, he still doted upon her and worried for her greatly. He didn’t remember her nor himself yet he still remembered how much he loved her and acted accordingly.

“Besides, if I were to leave now, I’d never get to see you again. And I promised that the two of us would spend time together tomorrow. I… I know it’s selfish of me to use you as an excuse to stay, when I don’t even know if you feel the same, but… the thought of never being able to see your smile again was enough to make me hesitate.”

Ryuunosuke took a deep breath, trying to do what he could to not burst into tears. Just a minute ago he thought things were hopeless, but now Asougi was telling him that he still wanted to live, if even just a little bit. All the things Asougi had mentioned that made him hesitate simply hadn’t been true for his other self. That Asougi had never been taken in by Holmes and Iris and he had never gotten to realize just how wonderful and loving they could be. And because Ryuunosuke and Susato had left him behind merely days after reuniting with him and had been completely uninterested in catching up with him, he had been alone. He had been completely and utterly alone and with no one to turn to in England and no one to reach out to back home because he thought his only friends hated him now. He figured no one would miss him should he depart, and promptly, nothing had stopped him from doing so.

But this time… things were different.

Asougi wasn’t alone this time. He had found a home here at 221B Baker Street, and was surrounded by people who loved him. There was Holmes, the man who had gone out of his way to protect him long before even meeting him, who was more than happy to take him in and treat him as family; to him he had become someone he would happily take on investigations. There was Iris, who had become something of a little sister figure to him just like Susato had been. She was sweet and kind to him the moment he had set foot in her home and she clearly already loved him like a brother, just as she did for Ryuunosuke, too. Susato wrote him frequently about her ambitions in Japan, and always ended her letters with a and I can’t wait to hear from you soon, Kazuma-sama, a sure fire sign that she still wanted him to be a part of her life and was greatly awaiting his return.

And then, of course, there was him.

In that other world, Asougi had truly believed Ryuunosuke hated him. He had wanted to reach out, time and time again, but he had been too anxious to do so. He had been lead to believe that he was nothing but a burden to the person he meant most to, and decided it would be better for him to die alone rather than trouble him ever again. And now, he was doing just the opposite. He was standing here on this bridge and spilling his heart to him, when in another time nothing had stopped him from climbing up on the railing instead.

The letter had been right; he couldn’t protect Asougi from everything. Many of the horrors Asougi had lived through and had been forced to relive through he simply couldn’t prevent. But he could still change his fate. And the fact that Asougi had suffered once again but chose this time to stop and tell him about it rather than take another step forward meant that he had done it.

“I’m sorry Naruhodou.” He ran his hand through his hair anxiously. “I’m sure this all sounded incredibly stupid and selfish, but –”

“Stop saying that, Asougi. You’re not selfish.” Ryuunosuke said, tearing up a little bit. “Any reason to keep living is a good one. You’re not selfish at all for that. I mean it.”

“I… guess.” He leaned against the railing, still looking rather troubled.

“Asougi, thank you for trusting me with all this. I know it must have taken a lot to tell me, but… thank you for telling me.” He placed his hand on Asougi’s shoulder gently, and much to his surprise, Asougi let him and didn’t shy away. “I promise things will be all right. This won’t last forever. You’re going to be okay.”

“I wonder about that. I mean, shouldn’t I already be happy? What exactly do I have to be sad about? My father’s case has been solved. I’m on track to living my dream job. And yet…” He sighed heavily. “I don’t know.”

“Asougi –“

“I suppose it’s because I never really planned past that. I mean… getting to this point and solving my father’s case… making my family proud of me… that was the only thing I had ever really thought about. That was all I fought for. That was all I ever lived for. So now that’s it’s over… well, now what? What exactly am I living for? I don’t see anything ahead of me. ...I don’t think I ever have.”

Ryuunosuke already knew he felt like this. After all, his final letter to him had all but said it. But still, it hurt to hear out loud. How could someone who always seemed so bright and radiant have such darkness weighing on his heart? Before that letter had shown up and before all of this had ever began, Ryuunosuke had never once had any doubts in Asougi’s future. He always seemed so confident and ambitious… Ryuunosuke was certain he could do anything he set his mind to. And that was the problem, wasn’t it? He had set his mind on only one thing and now that it was over, and he hadn’t even been the one to do it, he was lost. What lay ahead of him? Even Ryuunosuke didn’t know, as he was never fated to live past this very moment.

But at the very least, that meant it could be anything.

“Asougi…” He took a deep breath. “Would you like to know what I see?”

“Sure.”

“Well… I always envisioned you becoming a big shot attorney, just like you always talked about. If everyone at Yuumei knows the name Asougi Kazuma, I don’t doubt it’ll take much time for the whole country… no, the whole world to know your name. People are going to see your face and already feel much safer. Because that’s how I feel when I'm around you.”

Asougi said nothing, looking as though he was at a complete loss for words. Ryuunosuke took that as an invitation to keep going.

“You’re going to protect so many people, just like you always wanted to. Just like you did when you protected me. And don’t tell me that you’re a fraud or that you didn’t do anything – I was ready to give up but you gave me that push I needed to keep fighting. You saved me, Asougi, even if you weren’t the one to defend me. And I can only imagine how many more people you’re going to save from here on out. It’s what you were made to do. That’s the future I just know lies in store for you.”

“W-what…” Asougi stammered quietly, bringing a hand up to wipe away a few stray tears. “What else do you see, Naruhodou?”

Ryuunosuke’s feelings hadn’t changed; it still hurt to see Asougi cry. It broke his heart to see his friend so raw and broken. But at least now, in this situation, it was better than the eerie, emotionless calm he had been conveying before. Even as he cried, Asougi still gazed at him, clearly wanting him to continue. He truly had never pictured a future for himself, and he wanted to hear it, to get some sort of idea of what could lay in store for him.

“But your career won’t be everything. I want to believe that one day your tendency to overwork will go away. After a long day of helping people, you’re going to go home, content and satisfied with what you have done. I always imagined you living someplace quiet, and peaceful; someplace close to the sea, maybe. Someplace with a huge, beautiful garden with all your favorite flowers in it, that you will tend to daily. Your home and your heart are going to be filled with so much light and color; even when it rains or when night falls, it won’t feel gloomy at all.”

“Will…” Asougi was crying harder now, though he was still trying to wipe the tears away, fruitlessly. “Will there be people there?”

“Oh, Asougi… of course there’ll be people there. You’re going to spend your days surrounded by people you love. With Mikotoba-san becoming a lawyer too, I have no doubts that the two of you will work together, as brother and sister. You’ll get to visit her father a lot; he strikes me as the doting type; and I’m sure he’ll want his son to visit him often, too. And Holmes-san and Iris-chan talked about wanting to visit Japan a couple times. Considering how close Holmes-san is with Professor Mikotoba, I bet they’ll come over from time to time. I can practically see Iris-chan now, tackling you in a big hug, so happy to see you again and so excited to tell you about all that’s happened since you’ve been apart. You won’t be alone, I just know it.”

“Will you be there too?” Asougi blurted out suddenly.

Ryuunosuke stopped in his tracks, absolutely not expecting the question. But, he supposed, it was foolish of him to think Asougi wouldn’t ask. Despite his belief that he just wasn’t that special… it was clear that Asougi thought otherwise. So much so, in fact, that it was one of the few things he had recalled when he had forgotten everything. Ryuunosuke would never forget the way Asougi had embraced him back then, telling him earnestly that despite not remembering him, he wanted to hold and protect him for as long as he could. And Ryuunosuke felt the same.

He grabbed Asougi and pulled him into a warm embrace.

“Of course I’ll be there, Asougi, as long as you permit it. I’ll be there working alongside you each and everyday; everyone will know of Asougi and Naruhodou, the inseparable team of attorneys. I’ll be there to walk home with you every afternoon and we’ll talk about how close the trial that day had seemed and be able to laugh about it as we had overcome it and we’ll watch the sunset from our home and I’ll help you in the garden and you’ll be able to tell me everything about all the flowers we have and I’ll watch you talk passionately and still feel the same admiration for you as I do now and always have and… and…” He pulled away for a moment to get a better look at him. They were both crying now, and he reached out and cupped Asougi’s beautiful face in his hands, so happy that he was alive to listen to him and believe him, even if it hurt to see him so fractured like this. “And I’m going to look at you and think of just how proud I am of you. I’m going to think about how strong you are for fighting every single day, even if there was a time you had your doubts that you wouldn’t get to see tomorrow. I’m going to think about how happy I am to still have you beside me, to love and cherish and laugh with. And I’m going to hold your hand and squeeze it tight and be able to laugh this day away, reminding myself that Asougi Kazuma is someone who never, ever gives up.”

“You’re… proud of me?” Asougi managed.

“Of course I’m proud of you.” Ryuunosuke hugged him again, tighter this time, not caring that Asougi was getting his shoulder wet. He had no doubts he was doing the same, anyways. “When I told you that you make me proud to be your friend I meant that. And I still mean that. It’s never going to change. I’m so, so proud of you, Asougi.”

“Naruhodou…”

He said nothing more and held Ryuunosuke tighter, before breaking down into sobs. Ryuunosuke just shut his eyes and continued to hold him, gently running his hand over Asougi’s trembling back. These were words he must have wanted to hear for a long time now. The idea that he had some sort of future ahead of him that wouldn’t be miserable, that one day he might have friends and family and that he might get to be happy, too. That was a future that, even the depths of despair, he still clearly wanted. And it seemed that being reassured that it could happen was enough to bring him to tears.

“Thank you, Naruhodou…” He whimpered, “really, it means so much to me.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” He smiled. “I’m just being honest. You’re wonderful.”

That only made Asougi cry harder and it made Ryuunosuke’s heart ache. He began to wonder when was the last time Asougi had been praised. Or at least, he began to wonder when was the last time he had accepted praise. It was clear by now that Asougi despised himself and seemed to use that as a motivator to push himself forward. He hated himself, so he pushed himself harder and harder because he wanted to do something better and make a difference and perhaps find forgiveness. But now that his main mission in life had been completed and it wasn’t even by his own hand… That hatred had nowhere to go but back at himself. If Ryuunosuke could do something to dissipate that, even just a little, he would do it.

Please convince Asougi that he’s not alone, that he has many people in his life who care about him.

“Let’s go back home, Asougi.” Ryuunosuke said gently. “If Holmes-san and Iris-chan wake up and find us gone, I’m sure they’ll be very worried. They care about us, you know. Both of us.”

Please remind him that he is not a burden to anyone; that no matter what he’s been through, he still doesn’t deserve to suffer alone.

“When we get there, how about I make us some hot chocolate? Then we can talk. I promise no matter what you say, no matter what you’ve been through, I won’t be upset. I want to be there for you.”

Please remind him that he is loved. So, so much.

“I love you, Asougi. And I’m not the only one who does, I swear. The Mikotobas, Holmes-san and Iris-chan… We all love you, so, so much. And we’d all be beside ourselves with grief if anything were to happen to you.” He thought about what the letter had told him about the Mikotobas’ grief, and the lengths Holmes had went to just to get Asougi justice. And he thought about the many, many times he noticed the pages of the letter covered in teardrops, his own teardrops his future self had wept, the pain of losing Asougi still clearly hurting him even after all those years. He nuzzled his head against Asougi’s chest, thankful that he could still hear the sound of his heart beating, and that he could still feel his chest rising and falling with each shuddering breath he took. He was still alive and he knew to cherish that. “That I know for certain.”

“Naruhodou…” Asougi pulled away to wipe his eyes once more. While he was still crying, he seemed to have calmed down quite a bit. He almost looked as thought he might smile. “I-it’s a little cold tonight, isn’t it?”

“Oh… I suppose so.”

“Hot chocolate sounds great.” He smiled, and though he was still weeping it was just as beautiful and genuine as always and Ryuunosuke felt like he may just start crying again himself. “Let’s go. I think... I think I want to go home.”

“Yeah," Ryuunosuke smiled back at him. "Let's do that."

It was over, wasn’t it? They were going to leave this awful place, where that other Asougi had suffered and died alone, together. They were going to go home where it was safe and warm and things were going to be all right and history wasn’t going to repeat itself this time. Asougi was still here, and though he was still hurting... he didn’t plan on giving up this time.

And all it took was Holmes taking him in, and Iris seeing him as a playmate, and Susato reminding him that she missed him, and Ryuunosuke simply being here to tell him that he was proud of him. The letter really was right… Sometimes the tiniest things can make a world of difference.

“Um… Naruhodou?” Asougi asked abruptly.

“Yeah?”

“Is it all right if I get one more hug from you?”

“Oh…” He beamed. “Of course, Asougi. As many as you’d like.”

He stepped forward and hugged Asougi one last time, letting out a deep sigh of relief when Asougi hugged him back enthusiastically. Asougi knew he wasn’t alone anymore, and things were going to be okay. This lonely bridge wasn’t going to be the last place he ever stood anymore. His life wasn’t going to end here.

It was only then, as he held Asougi gently in his arms, that he remembered what it was exactly that had taken Asougi’s life that night. He had been so caught up in making Asougi feel better that he had nearly forgotten and despite the heavy pounding of his heart he couldn’t deny it; he could hear the sound of footsteps approaching. Asougi either didn’t notice them or didn’t care, too caught up in the moment to focus on much else. He probably thought it to be a mere passerby; nothing to focus on. But Ryuunosuke knew better. He wished he had thought to bring Karuma with him, but he had been in such a panic to ensure Asougi was safe that it had entirely slipped his mind. So now he stood here with Asougi, two defenseless men in their pajamas, as what could be Asougi’s killer walked towards them.

Ryuunosuke took a deep breath, knowing what he had to do. With all the strength he could muster, he shoved his hands forward, breaking their embrace and knocking Asougi to the ground far away from him.

Just as the two bullets that were supposed to pierce his spine struck Ryuunosuke instead.

Chapter Text

When Ryuunosuke woke up, it was to the sound of someone speaking.

“That hour was not long striking. We crouched closer in the shadow as we heard the outer door open and shut. Then came the sharp, metallic snap of a key, and the American was in the room. He closed the door softly behind him, took a sharp glance around him to see all was safe, threw off his overcoat, and walked up to the central table with the brisk manner of one who knows exactly what he has to do and how to do it.”

Well, calling it awake was a bit of a stretch. His whole body ached and he felt weak and exhausted and couldn’t bring himself to move enough to even open his eyes. It was like when he was a little boy and his mother would have to coax him out of his warm, cozy futon on a snowy morning to get to school when all he wanted to do was curl up tighter and sleep forever. He didn’t want to wake up, so he kept his eyes shut and merely listened to the person speak.

“He pushed the table to one side, tore up the square of the carpet on which it rested, rolled it completely back, and then, drawing a jimmy from his inside pocket, he knelt down and worked… vigorously upon the floor.”

Now that Ryuunosuke thought about it, the voice wasn’t speaking so much as they were reading something.

“Presently, we heard the sound of sliding boards, and an instant later a square had opened in the planks. Killer Evans struck a match, lit a stump of candle, and vanished from our view.”

It was Asougi; Ryuunosuke would recognize his voice anywhere, especially when he was reading something. While he had gotten much better at articulating ever since they first met he would still struggle with it sometimes, especially when reading something not in his native tongue. He would often stumble over words or take long pauses, as if figuring out how a word was pronounced in his mind before daring to speak it aloud.

“Clearly our moment had come. Holmes touched my wrist as a signal, and together we stole across to the open trap-door. Gently as we moved, however, the old floor must have creaked under out feet, for the head of our American, peering anxiously round, e…emerged… suddenly from the open space.”

He had struggled a bit with the word emerged, and Ryuunosuke heard the sound of someone giggling not too far away. Iris, he realized.

“What?” Asougi asked curtly.

“Nothing, nothing,” she replied, “keep going.”

“If you don’t like the way I’m reading it, you should read it.”

“But you make a better narrator, Kazumie.”

“Then how about Holmes? Why don’t you read it?”

“Sure, I can –”

“No!” Iris interjected. “If Papa reads it he’s just gonna stop every ten seconds to bring up other things that had happened. Completely ruins the pace of the story.”

“I do like the reminisce about Yuujin…” Holmes said dreamily.

“See? Now continue, Kazumie.”

“Fine.” He sighed. “His face turned upon us with a glare of baffled rage, which gradually softened into a rather sh… shamefaced grin as he realized two pistols were pointed at his head. ‘Well, well!’ said he cooly as he – ”

“You should give him a funny voice.” Iris interrupted.

“For the last time I’m not doing voices.”

“He did have a funny voice.” Holmes said.

“Okay, why am I even reading this in the first place?” Asougi asked, frustrated.

“Aww, is it that bad?” Iris sounded dejected.

“What? No, no, no!! Not at all!” Asougi replied frantically. “It’s good, I swear! I just… why are we reading to him? You don’t read to someone to wake them up you read to someone to put them to bed!”

“Not my stories.” Iris said proudly. “Mine are exciting. No one could possibly sleep through this!”

“I… guess.”

“Besides, it’s better than shaking him awake, right?”

“Or pouring water on him.”

“Holmes, if you do that I swear I’ll break your wrist.”

“I trust that.” Despite the threat, Holmes laughed. “Now continue on.”

“Fine. Um… ‘I guess you have been one too many for me, Mr. Holmes. Saw through my game, I suppose, and played me for a sucker from the first. Well, sir, I hand it to you; you have me beat and-’”

“I would never call you a sucker, Mr. Asougi.”

“As I’ve said already,” Asougi said through gritted teeth, “I am not talking to you when I read your name aloud.”

“Forgive me, I can’t help it.”

“He’s just nervous about what happens next, Kazumie.”

“If you say so. Now where was I?” There was a pause for a moment. “In an instant he had whisked out a revolver from his breast and had fired two shots. I felt a sudden hot sear as if a red hot iron had been pressed to my thigh.” Asougi stopped there. Even in his weary, delirious state, Ryuunosuke could feel the tension in the air.

“Iris,“ Holmes said gently, “perhaps this wasn’t the best story to have him read.”

“I’m fine.” Asougi asserted. “There was a crash as Holmes’s pistol came down on the man’s head. I had a vision of him sprawling on the floor with blood running down his face while Holmes rummaged him for weapons. Then my friend’s wiry arms were round me, and he was leading me to a chair.”

Asougi stopped again.

“Kazumie…”

“’Y-you’re not hurt, Watson?' " Asougi’s voice was shaking a little as he read the dialogue. “'For god’s sake, say you are not hurt!’” Asougi stopped again and took a deep breath. “Iris, I’m sorry. I swear it’s good, I just… I need a second.”

“That’s fine, Kazume. I’m sorry for bringing this one.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Say, Iris?” Holmes asked abruptly. “Are you hungry at all?”

“Now that you mention it, a little.”

“Why don’t we grab something to eat? Mr. Asougi, would you like to come too? You look like you could use some fresh air.”

“No.”

“Mr. Naruhodou isn’t going anywhere.”

“I know that. But I’m staying with him. Besides, I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten since –”

“I’m fine, I promise.”

“Come on, Kazumie. There must be something we can get you.”

“Hmm.” It seemed even now, he couldn’t say no to Iris. Finally, he said, “cookies.”

“You want… cookies for dinner?”

“No, not really. But Naruhodou has such a sweet tooth; I imagine he’d be happy to have something sweet when he wakes up.”

“Well… all right. We’ll bring you cookies. And something to change into. See you in a bit, Kazumie.”

“Be careful out there, will you?”

“We’ll be fine, Mr. Asougi. I promise.”

Ryuunosuke heard the door shut, and then there was silence for a moment. Asougi sighed gently, before scooting his seat closer to the bed. He reached out and grabbed Naruhodou’s limp hand.

“How did things end up like this…?” He muttered. “Naruhodou…”

He squeezed his hand a little harder. And while Ryuunosuke wanted to do nothing more but let himself drift back into peaceful sleep, he hated how desperately sad Asougi sounded and he forced himself to push past that all encompassing weariness and squeeze Asougi’s hand in return.

“Mmmgh…” He finally cracked his eyes open. His vision was a little blurry upon waking but the first thing he noticed was Asougi staring back at him, looking dreadfully worried. He looked a little frazzled; Ryuunosuke wasn’t sure how long it had been but clearly Asougi hadn’t gone home between then and now. He was still wearing his pajamas, but thankfully Holmes had given him his coat to wear over it. His eyes were heavy and a little red; he looked utterly exhausted and like he had been crying quite a bit earlier. Ryuunosuke immediately wanted to get up and hug him but when he attempted to sit up he felt a sharp, burning pain in his side and groaned in agony.

“Please try not to move too much.” Asougi said. He gently grabbed Ryuunosuke’s shoulders and lowered him back down onto the mattress. “How are you feeling?”

“Ugh… not great.” Ryuunosuke replied, clutching at his side. Beneath his hospital gown he could feel thick bandages wrapped around his midsection. It stung a little when he touched it. Not only that, but his leg felt stiff and heavy and he knew he wouldn’t be moving it any time soon. “What happened?”

“You, um…” Asougi looked anxious. “You were shot. Twice.”

“Oh.” Now it was coming back to him. Going to the bridge to find Asougi, listening to him spill his heart out and convincing him to come home… and then the sound of footsteps approaching and interrupting it all. It was then he realized that there was a little blood staining Asougi’s pajamas beneath Holmes’s jacket. “Asougi, are you hurt?!” He jolted up again, only to cry out in pain at it once more.

“I told you not to move.” Asougi said curtly, lowering him back down again.

“Sorry, I just… what happened to you? Did you get hurt, too?”

“I’m fine.” He folded his arms, though it did little to conceal the stains. “Honestly… this is all you.”

“From me?”

“Yeah. How do you think you got here?”

“Um…” He thought for a moment. He was still exhausted and weary but things were slowly coming back to him. He remembered the horrible, burning pain coursing through him as he collapsed to the ground, not really registering what had happened to him but knowing it had hurt. He remembered things growing hazy as he clutched at his side and he could feel his warm blood trickling over his fingers. He remembered hearing muffled fighting before he heard another shot. Then he remembered Asougi fussing over him, tearing off one of his own sleeves and tying it around his waist to suppress the bleeding before gathering him into his arms right as he finally fainted. “You carried me here?”

“Yeah.”

He looked around. This was the hospital Holmes had been taken to when he had been shot, too. It was close to the flat. But not… that close. It must have been so much work for Asougi to bring him all the way here in his arms. No wonder he was so exhausted.

“I’m sorry.”

“You – you’re sorry? For what?!”

“It must have been so exhausting to carry me here.”

“Oh, shut up. Don’t apologize for that. You would’ve done the same for me.”

“If I could have. You’re a lot stronger than me, you know.”

“I guess.”

“What happened after that? What happened to Whitman? He didn’t attack you too, did he?”

“You...” Asougi looked confused for a moment. “How did you know his name?”

“Oh. Um…” He scratched his head anxiously. “I guess I must’ve overheard it while I was sleeping? I was kind of in and out of it.”

“Hmm.” He didn’t look quite convinced but seemed to accept it nonetheless. “Well, no. After he shot you I attacked him. I managed to get the gun from him then shot him. That’s it.” He must have noticed the horror on Ryuunosuke’s face because he immediately backtracked and said: “I-in the leg, I swear! I just wanted to stop him, that’s it. He’s not dead. Though…” He looked at the ground for a moment, his hand curling into a fist. “I kind of wish he was.”

Ryuunosuke said nothing. While the bitter anger in Asougi sometimes made him uneasy, for once he couldn’t help but agree with him. After all, that man was supposed to take Asougi’s life. Even if he hadn’t this time, he had still wanted to, and Ryuunosuke still held resentment towards him for it.

Actually, speaking of Asougi’s death…

“Asougi, what’s today?”

“It’s Thursday.”

“No, not that. I meant the date.”

“Oh. It’s the twenty-second. Why?”

Maybe there’s nothing you can do to change Asougi’s fate. Maybe no matter what he will only live a measly twenty-four years. Maybe no matter what he will die on May 21^st.

“It’s… already the twenty-second?”

“Yeah. It’s almost the twenty-third, actually. The sun just set; you’ve been asleep for a really long time.”

It’s not like I will ever get to find out for myself. But you will be able to. Won’t you?

“It’s… the twenty-second…”

“Yeah… why is that so important to you?”

But he didn’t say anything else, bringing his hand up to his mouth to prevent himself from sobbing. Despite that, he couldn’t help but cry anyways and soon enough he was full on weeping into his hands.

“Naruhodou? H-hey, what is it? Does something hurt?”

But he couldn’t respond, too overjoyed at the fact that it was over. For over a year now he had been agonizing himself over May 21^st. That date haunted him as it drew nearer and nearer; no matter what he did and what he managed to change, he was always dreading it and expected nothing but the worst. He expected to wake up on this date distraught, having lost the love of his life again as he was simply too useless to prevent it. But it hadn’t happened. It was May 22^nd, and Asougi was sitting next to him, worn out and exhausted but alive nonetheless and he couldn’t will himself to stop the tears as he felt relief for the first time in nearly a year now.

“It’s nothing, Asougi.” Ryuunosuke said finally, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “I’m just so thankful that nothing happened to you.”

“Will you quit worrying about me already? How many times do I have to tell you nothing happened?”

“I know, I know. I just tend to worry. You know me.”

“Yeah. I suppose I do.” He still looked solemn and tense. “Naruhodou?”

“Yes?”

Asougi waited until Naruhodou had calmed down to do anything. He just looked stood up calmly, took a few steps back, then immediately fell to his knees beside the bed.

“A-Asougi!” He pushed past the pain to sit up. Asougi hadn’t fainted; he was just kneeling on the ground, bent over, his head bowed down in shame.

“Naruhodou, I am so sorry!” He exclaimed. “Were it not for me, none of this would have happened! I’m so sorry for putting your life in danger for my own selfish needs! Had I known something like this would have happened I would have just stayed home and let you rest or I should have gone home quickly like you had said or I should have noticed that he was coming but instead I just… I just… this is entirely fault! I’m so sorry!!”

“Asougi…” Ryuunosuke had been so focused on the fact that Asougi was alive now that he hadn’t even bothered to think about what the consequences of that night would hold. He was so thankful that he had saved Asougi’s life. He would never, ever regret that; even the constant ache in his body couldn’t change that. But Asougi already had so much guilt and shame weighing on his mind. The last thing he wanted to do was add another thing for him to be ashamed about. He didn’t want a repeat of last night to ever happen again.

“Asougi, please get up.” Ryuunosuke said calmly. “I can’t really see you down there without hurting myself.”

Asougi immediately did as told and took his spot by the bed again. But he still wouldn’t look at him, looking completely and utterly ashamed.

“There’s nothing to apologize for. This wasn’t your fault at all. No one could have possibly known how things would turn out… ” Well, he had. But that just made it even less Asougi’s fault, didn’t it? He could’ve moved out of the way with Asougi, or he could’ve shouted something, or he could’ve remembered to bring Karuma, but he hadn’t. Either way, not Asougi’s fault. “I’m just glad you’re okay, honest.”

“But… I was the one who put you in danger in the first place. I was the one that made you follow me that night. I was the one who was so stupid and emotional that I rushed out like that even when you told me time and time again to just… talk to you. You shouldn’t have to suffer for my mistakes. If anyone should’ve been shot, it’s me.”

Ryuunosuke gulped. He should have known that Asougi would be quick to blame himself for this. He probably would have done the same, had their situations been reversed. Actually, he knew for a fact he would have done the same; the reason he had gotten the letter from his other self in the first place was because grief and guilt had driven him to do so. He could completely understand what Asougi was going through. After all, he had felt the same when he had thought Asougi had died all that time ago, back on the S.S. Alaclaire. But this was different. After all, Ryuunosuke was alive to hear all this. In another world, a world where Asougi had been shot and didn’t have Ryuunosuke there to protect him, he hadn’t been so lucky. How in the world was Ryuunosuke supposed to tell him that he was perfectly fine with being injured if the alternative was Asougi being killed?

That’s when his eyes wandered to the bedside table beside him, where Iris’s manuscript lay, and he got an idea.

“Asougi? Can you do me a favor?”

“Yes, anything.”

“The story you were reading… can you read what happens next?”

“You heard that? I thought you were asleep.”

“I was… I only heard bits and pieces.”

“Well, I’m sure you already know what happens. They solve the mystery and everything ends happily ever after. Clearly Professor Mikotoba survived that. But it is a little distressing to hear that he had been shot.”

“Can you read it to me anyways?”

“Why?”

“Because Iris-chan let me read the first draft of this story before. And I think what happens next might reassure you a little.”

“Well... if you insist.” Asougi picked up the manuscript again, flipping through it until he found where he left off. “It was worth a wound – it was worth many wounds – to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation. ‘It’s nothing, Holmes. It’s a mere scratch.'”

“See, Asougi?” Ryuunosuke said. “Things turned out okay.”

“I know that. Clearly Professor Mikotoba wasn’t dead or seriously injured or we probably would’ve known about it by now. What does this have to do with anything?”

“It was worth a wound,” Ryuunosuke recited, letting his hand rest upon Asougi’s, and smiled at him, “it was worth many wounds, to ensure the safety of my most loved and loyal friend, to wake up today and see that you’re still with me... it was well worth it. Asougi… last night I was so terrified that that would be the end. I thought that when tomorrow came, you wouldn’t be there to see it with me. I was so, so scared that I’d lose you… so believe me when I say that simply seeing you here next to me is a greater relief than I can describe. I’m not mad at you for what happened. None of this was your fault. It’s okay.”

“Naruhodou…” He shook his head. “You really are the most sentimental person I know.”

“I’m just being honest.”

“I know you are. You always are. …Thank you.” He sighed and squeezed Naruhodou’s hand a little. “Speaking of honest… I suppose I owe you an explanation as to why I stormed out last night.”

“Oh… that’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. Unless you think it will help somehow.”

“I think it will.” He placed the manuscript back on the table and took a deep breath. “Naruhodou, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve been… remembering things. Not everything came back when Professor Mikotoba helped me out and it’s all been coming back to me in bits and pieces. And that hasn’t really been easy. There’s a lot of stuff I wish I could’ve forgotten forever.” He paused for a second and glanced back at Ryuunosuke anxiously. “…Promise you won’t hate me?”

“I could never hate you.”

That seemed to satisfy him, and while he still seemed anxious, he brought his hand back to Ryuunosuke’s and let him hold it.

“Well… do you recall what I told you about my mother?”

“A little. You haven’t told me much.” Though if he was being honest, he couldn’t remember if all he knew was from Asougi himself or from what the letter told him. “Her name was Sayaka, and she taught you how to draw.”

“Yeah, she did.” Asougi almost smiled at that, but the troubled look in his eyes soon returned. “…Did I tell you anything about her death?”

“…A little. You said she grew ill and passed away after your father died, right?”

“Yeah. I was taking care of her at the end there, just about when I was entering high school.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, Asougi. I can’t imagine how stressful that must have been – ”

“No, Naruhodou. Don’t pity me like I was some sort of martyr.”

“Um… sorry?”

Asougi just shook his head and let go of him. 

“My mom was sick. That’s the truth. But sick doesn’t mean dead. Sick doesn’t always mean can’t get better. And my mom… she was starting to get better, a little. She was well enough that she insisted I go to school during the day anyways. I just needed to be home early so I could help her if she needed it.” He sighed. “On the day she died, she insisted I go to class. I had an exam that day, and she didn’t want me to miss it. I did. I figured I was going to fail it, so why bother showing up? But I listened to her wishes and went anyways. On my way out, she told me to make her proud. And I did, almost. That exam I took? I wound up acing it. And I remember that I was so, so happy.”

He actually smiled a little at the memory, though Ryuunosuke couldn’t ignore the pain he still saw in his beloved friend’s eyes.

“Good news, for the first time in so long. I had actually done something right. I was so excited I could barely contain my joy. I thought I should do something nice for my mom, too. She had believed in me even when I hadn’t, so to make it up to her, I decided to go into town and buy us some cakes as a treat. It had been so long since we had anything to celebrate or be happy about, so I figured we deserved a treat. I was so excited to see the smile on her face when I had finally, finally done something to make her proud. I shouldn’t have done that. Because when I got home…” He trailed off there, his gaze once again returning to the floor beneath him.

“Oh, Asougi. I’m so sorry. But it wasn’t your fault that she – ”

“Yes it was.” Asougi interjected. “Naruhodou, you want to know what happened when I got home? She was dead. And one of the last things I had said to her was that I'd be home in time to give her medicine and help her out. She probably could have lived, had I gotten there sooner, or had I been there in the first place, but no. At the very least I could have been there to say goodbye to her. But I didn't. All because of my self-congratulatory need to celebrate something so pointless. I never even got the chance to show her the damn test score. My mother was gone, and it was entirely my fault. I could have prevented it, but I just… I don’t know. But it’s something I can never forgive myself for.”

Ryuunosuke honestly didn’t know what to say to that, and simply held out his hand again for Asougi to hold. Asougi didn’t take it.

“After that… I was kind of out of it for a bit. It’s like the whole world around me had stopped. I don’t really remember what happened after that. I didn't call for help or do anything useful. I just... ran away. The next thing I knew, Professor Mikotoba had found me, and was offering me a place to stay. It was something he said to me that pulled me out of my daze, actually. I remember he told me that he wanted to take care of me, that he promised my dad a long time ago that he would help me if I needed it. And I remember that… struck a chord with me. If Professor Mikotoba could keep a promise to my father, even in death, then why couldn’t I do the same for my mom? And that’s what kept me going, I guess; the thought that one day, I’d finally be able to do something right, that I’d be able to fulfill my promise to my mother and make her proud… it was what made waking up in the morning worth it, I guess.” He shook his head. “So… after everything that happened, to remember this and realize that I still haven’t done anything good… I don’t know. I guess it broke me, a little. I mean, what have I done that’s helpful? I didn't solve my father's case. I almost let myself become a murderer along the way. I've had to be selfish and rely on everyone else every turn of the way... So what have I done to make anyone proud? Nothing at all.”

Ryuunosuke felt a pit in his stomach at the story. He remembered that time over a year ago now when he had first gotten the letter, and it had told him to get Asougi to open up to him. He remembered when he had asked Asougi about his family, he had promptly found a reason to leave. He supposed now he knew why. And now he knew why later that night, when Asougi had come back, he hadn’t really said much about his mother, choosing instead to touch upon the mystery surrounding his father. Because while his father’s death was still painful for him, at the very least he was detached from it; he was worlds away and wasn’t involved. It was something he could focus on, as it was something he could actually get closure for, even if he couldn't bring him back. But his mother, on the other hand... Ryuunosuke couldn’t even begin to guess how traumatizing it must have been to live for years believing he was responsible for her death.

Actually, he could understand it, a little. He had felt responsible when Asougi had “died” on the S.S. Alaclaire, and he was willing to give up everything just to live Asougi’s dream for him to make up for it. The pain of losing Asougi had followed him everywhere he went, and even if he had felt a strange sense of pride whenever he had managed to successfully defend someone, the guilt that he was standing there in Asougi’s place was always weighing down upon his shoulders. The grief had been good for giving him a drive, for giving him something to work towards… but what would he have done once it was over, and the abroad trip he had stolen from Asougi had finally ended? What would he have done then, had Asougi truly been dead, and it was over just like that? He would have no choice but to confront that awful loss. Somehow he doubted he would be able to get over it quickly. In fact, he knew for certain he’d likely never have gotten over it; after all, the letter that had started this whole ordeal was proof of that. His other self, in a world where Asougi had perished, had been so wrought with grief that he had found a way to alter time and space just to save him. The pain of losing Asougi had been so great that he had been willing to do anything to save him, even if he himself would never get to live that happy ending. Even if he had claimed in the letter that he had lived a mostly happy life, the fact of the matter remained that Asougi’s suicide had left a hole in his heart that would simply never heal. That must have been how Asougi was feeling right now; completely lost, with nothing but the grief and guilt of it all weighing down on his mind.

The biggest difference between Asougi and that other Ryuunosuke, however, was that he wasn’t alone. While his other self hadn’t talked much about his own life in the letter, Ryuunosuke could assume he wasn’t alone. In sixteen years, when he was nearly forty, he could assume that he still had people in his life. It was likely that at least one of his parents was still alive; based on how often he talked about Susato, Holmes, and Iris, it was clear that he was still good friends with them. And there was always the chance that he had started a family of his own, or at the very least had made some more close friends during those years. The despair of losing Asougi in such a cruel manner must have been overwhelming for him; but at the very least, he still had people in his life that he loved and loved him in turn, and could support him and be there for him while he struggled through the pain. That other Asougi, the one who had given up, didn’t have that. And perhaps that was why this Asougi was standing before him now, telling him all of this, rather than laying on a table in a mortuary. Asougi was still suffering, but his still being here meant he hadn’t completely given up yet. And Ryuunosuke wanted to do what he could to ensure that he never, ever considered it again.

“Asougi…” Ryuunosuke said gently. He grabbed Asougi’s hand again, and while Asougi made no effort to look at him, he didn’t shun him away, either. “I’m so sorry for everything that happened. But… you know that it wasn’t your fault, right? You were just a kid; and it wasn’t selfish of you to be excited, and want to celebrate something like a good grade. What happened to your mother was completely out of your control. Just because you could have been there and maybe changed something doesn't mean it’s your fault that it happened in the first place. After all… that’s how I felt when I thought you had died. What had happened to you was preventable, too. Had I forced you to eat the chicken and made you go to sleep that night, it wouldn’t have happened. But you don’t blame me for losing your memories, do you?”

“N-no…” Asougi replied. “But that’s different.”

“Explain how.”

“It just is.”

“Asougi, that’s not how it works and you know it. If you wouldn’t blame me for that, then I doubt your mother would blame you for this, either.”

“I… guess. But still, what have I done since then? I haven’t done anything worthwhile. She... she must be so disappointed in me.”

“Nothing worthwhile…? Asougi, have you even looked at yourself? You’re consistently the top of your class and managed to become a full-fledged attorney before even graduating college. You were chosen out of thousands of candidates to represent Japan as our university’s exchange student. And you think you haven’t done anything worthwhile?”

He still looked hesitant. Ryuunosuke squeezed his hand.

“Besides, what is the measure of pride, anyways? Why do you have to do something fantastic to make her proud? You were proud of me for giving a single speech at school and teaching you some tongue twisters. How is that a worthwhile accomplishment?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just… I like you.”

“I know, Asougi. And I like you, too. I like you so much that simply being yourself makes me proud of you. I’ve told you this before; you make me proud to be your friend, and that hasn’t changed. And I'm absolutely certain that your mother is proud of you, too. You’ve done so many amazing things. And even if you hadn’t, she’d still be proud of you. Simply choosing to keep fighting even when things got so horrible for you is something to be proud of. I’m proud of you for not giving up. And I’m sure your mother is, too.” Ryuunosuke lead Asougi’s hand to his chest, to feel the gentle, but ever-present beating of his heart. “Besides, worthwhile? You’ve saved my life how many times now? I think I'd call that worthwhile. I’m so proud of you, Asougi.”

“Mmm.” He sort of just nodded, not saying much more. Ryuunosuke got the feeling he was trying not to cry.

“Besides, like I told you last night… there’s so much time left. I have no doubts that you will continue to make her proud, just like you already have.”

“Naruhodou…” He shook his head. “How do you always know precisely what to say?”

“Who knows? Perhaps that’s why I’m so good at tongue twisters.”

“Oh, shut up.”

That actually got a laugh out of him. It made Ryuunosuke smile too; Asougi finally seemed to have calmed down from the anxiety of yesterday, and was more at ease for once. He just hoped that this would continue and that the worst truly was over.

“Asougi… may I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but… do you think you’re going to be okay? It’s okay if the answer is no. I want to be here for you if it is, but… do you think something like last night might happen again?”

Asougi said nothing for a moment, looking conflicted. Just as he was about to say something, there was a knock at the door and Holmes and Iris returned. The subject was quickly dropped as Iris rushed over and basically smothered Ryuunosuke in a hug; so thankful that he was okay. As promised, they brought him and Asougi cookies, which he still enjoyed greatly despite not having much of an appetite. Asougi, on the other hand, barely touched his. After Iris and Holmes arrived and began to fuss over Ryuunosuke, he had moved to a desk in the corner, and seemed to be writing something. Perhaps it was a letter to Susato, to inform her of what had happened to them? He supposed she’d have to know eventually, especially considering how long it’d likely take him to recover completely. But he did wonder what in the world Asougi was going to tell her. It seemed, once again, he was being a bit dishonest. He came up with a lie that he had a bad sleepwalking habit and Ryuunosuke had gone to go get him when this all happened; because that's what Holmes and Iris seemed to believe. He supposed he understood where Asougi was coming from; if it had taken him years to divulge these secrets to the person he trusted most, he doubted he’d want to tell them, too.

Either way, it was hard to focus on him with Holmes and Iris worrying over him so much, and it was hard to focus on anything in general with how weary he was. After about an hour or so, Holmes and Iris thought it best for them to all leave; Ryuunosuke was exhausted and needed to rest if he wanted to get better. They all promised to come back and see him again first thing in the morning. However, Asougi lingered behind, asking for a word alone with him before he left. He anxiously strolled over to the bed and handed him the folded up piece of paper he had been working on.

“Here.” He said quietly. “It’s… um… just open it.”

Ryuunosuke did as told. The paper, to his surprise, wasn’t a letter, but a drawing. And while the sketch was still a little messy, having been smeared when his anxious hand had rubbed against it, he could still clearly make out what it was: a flower with rounded, fluffy-looking petals.

“This is my favorite flower. It’s a peony."

"Negatively, they can represent indignation and shame. But on the positive side, they can also mean prosperity, good health, and a happy marriage. They can come in a lot of colors, like pink, red and white. …I like the pink ones best. When I was little, my mother used to walk with me on sunny days and take me to a secret garden she had found when she was a kid, and we'd sit there and draw together. It was full of all sorts of flowers, and when my mother asked me which one I liked best, I chose the peonies. I was in a bad mood the first time she did that, because my dad had been gone for about a year at that point and I missed him, so my mom figured this would be a little treat for the both of us. I remember she took a peony and tucked it behind my ear that day, telling me everything would be okay. It's... been my favorite flower ever since.”

 Ryuunosuke didn’t say anything, gripping the picture in his hands so tight he began to shake it.

“I, um… I remember I promised you that once everything was said and done, and things would be okay, I’d draw you a picture of my favorite flower. So… here it is. Consider that to be my answer to your question.”

Ryuunosuke still didn’t say anything; he honestly felt like he might cry, and could already feel more tears at the corners of his eyes.

“I know I told you that I’d draw it for you when everything was over. And… I can’t guarantee you that I’m fine now. I know for certain that I’m still going to struggle a little, but… This is me promising you that I won’t give up, no matter how hard it gets. I… hope you believe me.”

In the mess of it all, he had almost forgotten about it. That request he had asked Asougi ages ago had felt so small and meaningless, only there to settle his own nerves for the time being, that he had figured Asougi had completely forgotten about it. He hadn’t realized until now just how thankful he would be to finally, finally hear the answer. With this single piece of paper, he felt over a year’s worth of anxiety finally lift from his heart. The simple, pretty flower on the page before him represented some semblance of a future for Asougi. Even if he didn’t have the clearest idea in mind yet, and even though he knew he wasn’t going to magically feel better overnight, it was still a promise of hope; that the worst was truly over, and he wasn’t going to give up. And Ryuunosuke knew better than anyone that Asougi was never, ever, one to back down on his promises.

“Asougi…” Ryuunosuke held the piece of paper close to him and smiled. “Oh… it’s beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so, so much.”

“Beautiful? I haven’t drawn in years; it looks like garbage.”

“It’s still beautiful.” He put it down on his lap, so he could wipe at his damp eyes. “I love it so much…!”

“Um… are you okay? It’s just a drawing - ”

“So your favorite is peonies, huh? I’ll have to remember that. When I get out of here, I’ll be sure to get a vase of them for our office. And when we get back home… I’ll always make sure we have some to brighten up the room.”

“Yeah.” Asougi said, smiling beautifully at him. “I’m looking forward to it. But for now, you should get some more rest.” He stepped forward and took the drawing from him, placing it on the bedside table. He then pulled the covers up higher, tucking him in. “I’ll be back as soon as I can tomorrow.”

“Mmm… thanks.” He shut his eyes and smiled. “I love you, Asougi.” 

Asougi stiffened at that, looking rather surprised. It seemed it had been a long, long time since he had last been told that, assuming he had been told that at all. Finally, he pushed past that shock and smiled.

“…Yeah," he said, "I love you, too. Thank you for listening to me.”

He leaned down and gave Ryuunosuke a kiss on the forehead.

“Goodnight, Naruhodou.”

Ryuunosuke was close to drifting off to sleep again as Asougi left the room, but despite that, he still decided to reach out and grab the drawing, and hold it against him. He fell asleep that night, keeping it cradled to his chest, a reminder for his anxious heart that things were finally going to be okay.

Chapter Text

True to his word Asougi showed up the next day, and the day after that, and every single day onwards until Ryuunosuke finally recovered enough to go home. Ryuunosuke told him he didn’t have to do that; he was sure Asougi was busy and had more important things to do. But Asougi insisted anyways. He supposed he couldn’t blame him; were it the other way around, he’d do the same. Especially considering how long it took for him to recover.

The wound on his stomach wasn’t great. While he was lucky it was more of a graze than a direct hit, it would still take some time to heal. Holmes would know; he even joked that he and Ryuunosuke were twins now, seeing how he had essentially been shot in the same spot. He seemed to think that was hilarious. Asougi certainly did not.

The main problem, however, was his leg. He was shot in the knee and it would take a while for him to walk again and even when he managed to do so, he likely wouldn’t be able to walk much without a cane and even then it was very likely he was going to have a limp for the rest of his life. Asougi was devastated; he felt horrible that Ryuunosuke had been hurt so badly because of him and he simply couldn’t understand how he was taking all of this so calmly. Ryuunosuke didn’t know how to tell him that he’d have been perfectly fine with losing the damn leg if the alternative was Asougi’s death.

So he took on his recovery with optimism and joy, feeling rather happy and at ease all the while. He was often in pain and it was often a struggle, but why give up now when the worst was over? He couldn’t be totally unhappy when Asougi was there beside him, helping him every step of the way. While Holmes and Iris visited him often, they still had work to do and obligations they needed to fulfill but Asougi, on the other hand, seemed to put his time on hold for Ryuunosuke. He would show up as early as he could and stay as long as possible into the night. And while he was there he’d chat with him or fetch him some snacks when the hospital food got too bland or repetitive for his liking and he’d read him the worried letters Susato had sent back and talk about what had been going on back home with Holmes and Iris and almost everyday, he’d bring him flowers. Because of that, Ryuunosuke’s room was never dreary or void of color. Ryuunosuke appreciated all the presents Asougi brought him, but above all else, he just appreciated Asougi being there.

Each day Asougi showed up, an anxious smile on his face, holding a new bouquet of flowers in his arms, was another day he wasn’t fated to live but was here anyways, living and persisting and fighting just like he promised. The most upsetting thing about Ryuunosuke’s long recovery was that he couldn’t wait until he was healthy enough to get up and embrace Asougi again.

When he was finally well enough to come home, Asougi still remained by Ryuunosuke’s side every step of the way. He wasn’t going reopen their tiny law firm until Ryuunosuke could walk semi-comfortably on his own again. But despite how much stronger Ryuunosuke had become, Asougi still fussed needlessly over him. He supposed the guilt of accidentally getting him hurt wasn’t going to go away over night, but… he was fine, really. Oh, well. He had heard from Susato before that whenever she got sick as a child, Asougi would worry over her frantically too, even when it was something she knew wouldn’t kill her like a simple cold. Ryuunosuke supposed he knew why Asougi was like that now, and he knew better than to comment on it. If taking care of him eased Asougi’s heart even a little, then he didn’t mind. Besides, it was kind of nice to be doted upon by him.

He was happy to be back home, even if he was spending a great deal of his time lounging around on the couch and limiting himself to short walks with Asougi. 221B Baker Street really did feel like home to him; and he could finally enjoy it now that he knew Asougi was going to be okay. He could finally let himself enjoy Holmes’s sporadic behavior and Iris’s strange inventions and the general upbeat atmosphere of the place when for the past two years he had been worrying himself to death over the future. He didn’t know what lay ahead of him anymore but he was starting to become more comfortable with that. After all, he knew Asougi would be with him no matter what came. He would be okay. 

And it seemed Asougi was going to be okay, too. He had been right, of course; like he had said, he wasn’t magically better over night. He still struggled with his spotty memory; those strange, frightening flashbacks that would take over him still persisted and sometimes he would still stare off into space at a moment’s notice, his eyes glazed and distant until whatever was plaguing him finally subsided or someone managed to get his attention. But things were beginning to change, a little.

If Ryuunosuke was nearby when it happened, Asougi would absentmindedly reach out for his hand and hold it, and Ryuunosuke would squeeze it turn and speak to him gently until he came back. And whenever it was over, Asougi would tell him about it. He had already spilled his deepest, darkest secrets to him; so he had kept his promise and continued to tell him about things rather than suffer alone. Ryuunosuke could tell it took a lot for him to swallow his pride and confide in him, but it seemed sharing the load with someone made his heavy heart a tad bit lighter. And having all this time off seemed to be helping him, anyways. He knew Asougi always liked to be doing something, but being able to spend his days sleeping in and relaxing with his hand held tight in Ryuunosuke’s and with no horrible missions weighing down on his mind was good for him. He hadn’t seen Asougi this relaxed in a long time, or perhaps ever. It was nice.

For the first time in a long time, it felt like things were finally going to be okay.

By the time Asougi reopened the law firm, it was already the beginning of autumn. Asougi had wanted to hold off longer, just to ensure that Ryuunosuke was really, really going to be okay, but Ryuunosuke felt that it had been long enough. He wasn’t ever going to be as spry as he was before the accident, but he could manage. He managed to walk all the way to the Old Bailey and back, even if it did hurt a little and he had needed to lean onto his cane very heavily, and that seemed proof enough that he was up for going back to work at least.

Asougi still fussed over him relentlessly; and Ryuunosuke was beginning to wonder how this was going to continue once they finally got a case. If they had to investigate a crime scene would Asougi insist he wait it out? It seemed that no matter how many times Ryuunosuke insisted he was fine, Asougi was just going to ignore him and worry away anyways. He supposed he couldn’t be mad at him for it; he had long since realized by now that Asougi’s stubbornness on things like this was a result of deep rooted anxieties that weren’t going to go away anytime soon. He was above all else a worrier, even if he didn’t make it as obvious as Ryuunosuke did, and for that reason he let Asougi do whatever made him happiest. Besides, Ryuunosuke found it kind of… cute. Endearing, maybe. After all, every time he rushed to hold the door open for him, or went out of his way to make him tea so he didn’t have to move, or held his arm out for him to cling to and steady his walking, Ryuunosuke couldn’t help but think about how wonderful of a husband Asougi would be. He was loving and passionate and Ryuunosuke had no doubt that he would take good care of whoever he was with and make them very, very happy.

He knew it was foolish to think that way; such a thing… likely wouldn’t be able to happen anytime soon. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t imagine some kind of future with Asougi. For the first time in a long time he was certain that Asougi might actually live to see a future ahead of him, and every single day that passed made it all the more true. He liked to imagine what things would be like further down the road. Even if he could never marry Asougi, he still hoped that they’d be able to spend the years together. He hoped that Asougi would one day see him as family. Asougi truly was a loving, wonderful person. And Ryuunosuke couldn’t imagine a brighter future than one spent with him.

But… one step at a time. First thing was first; finally fulfilling Asougi’s life long dream and being able to finally work side by side with him. And he was sure that’d happen any day now.

Hopefully.

It was autumn, and it seemed like bad things always happened here in London in the autumn. Or, now that he thought about it, bad things happened quite a bit during the winter. And the spring. And the summer. Perhaps things were always awful in London. Hopefully it would turn into something good for them, sooner or later.

But right now, it was chilly. And Ryuunosuke couldn’t stop shivering from his spot in Holmes’s attic. If this abroad trip wasn’t just for a few years, he’d really consider moving into a better building for this. He appreciated Holmes’s hospitality but the attic got frigid when the weather got cold. He hoped that when they finally went back home and opened up a law firm of their own, they’d have a warm fireplace to keep it nice and cozy year round.

“Hey, Asougi?” Ryuunosuke asked.

“Yeah?” Asougi replied, not looking up from the book he was reading.

“I’m a little chilly. I think I might make us some tea.”

“I can do that.” He shut the book immediately and stood up. “You should rest, Naruhodou.”

“I’ve rested plenty, I think. Besides, I want to get better about doing things on my own.”

“But –”

“Please, I insist.”

Asougi still looked hesitant but he didn’t want to fight. He held his hand out for Ryuunosuke and helped him up anyways.

“Thanks, Asougi. I’ll be right back.”

“Well… be careful.”

“I will, I will.” He stopped by the doorframe and leaned against it. Asougi always seemed so dejected when he couldn’t help out, so he finally said: “But if you do want to do something for me… can you fetch me my reading glasses? I think I left them in the drawer by the bed.”

“Yeah, I can do that.”

Ryuunosuke just smiled and nodded, then proceeded to head downstairs. As expected, it took him awhile. He was rather slow, and it was a bit of a struggle to climb down all those stairs. But he was getting stronger every day and if he could handle the turbulence of the past two years, he could handle this, too. He prepared the tea; three lumps of sugar for himself, none for Asougi, he liked his as is. They balanced one another out it seemed, in more ways than one. He hoped Asougi felt the same way.

By the time he got upstairs, quite a deal of time had passed. He was surprised that Asougi hadn’t followed him downstairs eventually out of boredom. Perhaps he was reading; as of late Asougi had been re-reading many of his old law books, still not entirely trusting his memory. That, and he was starting to pick up Iris’s novels as well. He seemed to have taken a liking to her stories and often talked with her about them. Of course, he would never breathe a word to it to Holmes, not wanting to inflate his ego or worse, admit that he could be kind of cool sometimes.

When he entered their sparse little office, Asougi was indeed reading, having taken his usual spot sitting on the desk. Why he couldn’t sit on a chair like a normal person, Ryuunosuke couldn’t even begin to guess. Though he got the feeling it was because Asougi wanted to ensure Ryuunosuke always had some place comfortable to sit instead and could go fetch him something at a moment’s notice if needed. Either way, Asougi didn’t seem to mind sitting there and was reading away in silence, not even noticing that Ryuunosuke had entered the room. However, it wasn’t a book in his hands, nor one of Iris’s manuscripts, but… a very large stack of water stained, damaged papers.

Oh.

Right. Ryuunosuke had nearly forgotten about that letter which, the night he had learned of Asougi’s true fate, he had shoved in the bedside drawer and hadn’t touched since. Asougi must have seen it when he had grabbed the glasses, and curious as to why his name was on it so many times had picked it up and…

“Um, Asougi?”

“Oh!” Startled, Asougi dropped the letter. “H-here, let me get that for you.”

He hopped off from his spot from the desk and took the teacups from Ryuunosuke, and placed them on the desk. Ryuunosuke returned to his seat and had a sip of tea, and things were quiet. And tense. Ryuunosuke could feel himself sweating, wondering just how much Asougi had read. Was he upset with him? Was he angry? What in the world would be any normal person’s reaction to such a thing? Ryuunosuke was so used to it by now that he had no idea.

“Naruhodou?”

“Y-yeah?!”

“I’m uh... I'm sorry for prying. I just saw my own handwriting and got curious. I thought maybe it was something I had forgotten about. So…”

“It’s okay, I’m not upset. Um… how much of it did you read?”

“A lot. You did give me a lot of time.” He sighed. “Naruhodou, are you a time traveler or something?”

“What? No, of course not! I honestly don’t understand it much myself, either. I just woke up one morning and found this in my mailbox. I guess I sent it to myself from the future?”

“How?”

“I don’t… know, really. He didn’t really explain it.” He said, scratching the back of his head. “I asked Iris-chan about it once, telling her I was writing a novel where this happened and she explained it better to me. She said that there’s a possibility of other universes existing; just like ours, with only the slightest differences. Perhaps another version of me found a way to send this to me. With Iris-chan’s help, no doubt.”

Asougi still looked confused, but above all else deep in thought.

“This would explain a lot. Like how you always seemed to be one step ahead of me on everything.”

“I’m sorry for lying to you for so long.”

“No… it’s okay. I probably wouldn’t have believed it if you told me.”

“I hardly believe it myself, and I know it’s real.”

“Yeah…” He trailed off and rummaged through the papers until he found the suicide note again. His eyes scanned the paper once more. He looked deeply saddened.

"Um-"

“This… Asougi. This other me, I guess… He was rather miserable, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah.” Ryuunosuke replied. He couldn’t tell if Asougi had meant that as a joke or not but either way, he didn’t find that very funny. “You could say that.”

“So… initially, I was going to die a few months ago?”

“…Yeah.”

“And the reason you pushed me to the ground that night… the reason you got shot was because I was supposed to…”

Asougi trailed off again and stared at his hand for a moment, as if it were the most fascinating thing he had ever laid eyes on. Ryuunosuke should know; after all, he often found himself gazing at Asougi with such wonder these past couple of months, always completely astounded merely by his being there.

“In… um, in those universes you mentioned… do I die like that in all of them?”

“I don’t know.” Ryuunosuke replied. The pessimistic side of him thought to say yes, knowing just how much it had taken for Asougi to be beside him today. But he knew he shouldn’t think that way, and what good would it do for either of them for him to say it aloud? Besides... he wanted to believe his dear friend wasn't doomed to be miserable. “But I certainly hope not. I mean... Iris-chan told me that all these universes differ at the tiniest thing. There must have been many times where it didn't happen, for whatever reason. This... this can't be the only one. I just know it.”

“You know,” Asougi said quietly, placing his hand upon Ryuunosuke’s, “that it was just a thought, right? That night… I really was just going for a walk and… thinking things over. I wasn’t actually going to go through with it…”

The unspoken this time hung heavy in the air, and both of them knew it. This time around, he wasn’t going to do it. But Ryuunosuke had no way of knowing that for certain. And neither of them would ever know how that other Asougi had felt. Had he ever taken a moment to look back as he had headed to that bridge? Was there a chance that the moment he climbed up upon that railing, he had begun to have second thoughts? Was there a chance that as the bullets pierced his body, he had realized that he didn’t actually want to die? Ryuunosuke’s heart began to ache at the thought of it, that the unfortunate soul he had read about really had suffered such an awful fate, and the Asougi sitting beside him had been so, so close to becoming that person as well.

His hand began to tremble. Asougi gingerly wrapped his fingers around it, squeezing it gently.

“I know.” Ryuunosuke said finally. “I’m sorry for doubting you.”

“No, no, you have nothing to apologize for. You were just worried. If anything I should be the one apologizing. I mean, this letter was dated back so long ago. No wonder you’ve been such an anxious wreck all this time.”

“I’d probably be an anxious wreck anyways. You know me.”

“Yeah, but… still. I can’t imagine how stressful it must have been to have this weight upon your shoulders. Bearing the responsibility of protecting me couldn’t have been easy. I’m sorry for burdening you with it.”

“Oh, it’s okay. You couldn’t have known. It was that other me that sent this my way and it was my choice to accept. I was happy to do it; I mean that.”

There was silence for a long while again until Asougi finally took all of the papers and stuffed them back into that old, worn out envelope, then put it in the desk drawer. It was in the past now. It was over.

“Still,” he said, “I can’t believe you were willing to alter time and space itself… just to save my life.”

“I can believe that.” Ryuunosuke said firmly. “And I’d do it again, if I had to. As many times as it takes.”

Asougi gazed at him for a moment. Then without another word, he gently placed his hand on his cheek and drew him in for a kiss.

It was as sweet as Ryuunosuke had remembered it, the only other time they had done this. Just like before Asougi kissed him passionately, wrapping his arms around him as if desperate to keep him close. He had been so scared back then and he had admitted so himself. When the possibility of losing Ryuunosuke had presented itself, he had been terrified and only kept it together until the trial had reached its conclusion and now that it had ended he could finally let it all out. Ryuunosuke remembered being stunned silent by all this. As worried and anxious as he had been, the thought of being locked up forever – or worse, executed – had been close to the least of his worries. He had been so preoccupied with worrying about ruining Asougi’s plans that it really hadn’t hit him that hard. Why was Asougi so worried about it when it was his future that was at stake?

Now, Ryuunosuke understood Asougi’s feelings entirely. After all, he had felt the same for years now, ever since he received that letter in the mail all that time ago. No matter what horrible situations he had found himself in and no matter what he had suffered through, he still found himself worrying about Asougi more. Asougi couldn’t seem to understand why he had been so calm about getting shot twice, but he would take that any day over losing him. Back during that trial, Asougi had loved Ryuunosuke unselfishly, more than willing to give up his life long dreams if it meant keeping him safe. He couldn’t believe that his other self had chosen to forget about that and treated him like he was an unforgivable monster until it was too late. He was just thankful he had been given a second chance. He hoped his love for Asougi could be considered unselfish, too.

Ryuuunosuke reached his hand forward and ran it through Asougi’s soft hair, as if to tell him yes, he was here. And he wasn’t going anywhere.

When they parted, Asougi gazed at Ryuunosuke for a moment, and though he looked a little flustered, he also seemed… confused.

“Have we… um, have we done that before?” He asked finally. “I-I mean… perhaps it was just a dream or something, but I feel like you and I…”

“Yeah, we have.” Ryuunosuke replied. “It was a long time ago, the night after I got acquitted for Professor Watson’s murder. Hosonaga-san treated us all to dinner afterwards in celebration and you kissed me that night after I walked you back to my place.”

“Oh… right, now that you mention it, I do remember that.”

“I’m surprised you do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Do you not trust my memory?”

“N-no! It’s not that at all, it’s just… back then, you didn’t say anything the day after. And you were kinda drunk that night. I figured you forgot all about it.”

“I didn’t. I just…” He looked away nervously. “I figured I had acted foolishly and hoped you had forgotten about it, too. I mean, why in the world would you want to kiss someone like me? I guess I was just so happy that you were okay that I… I don’t know, I just…”

He trailed off when Ryuunosuke pulled him close for another kiss.

“Of course I’d want to.” Ryuunosuke said, once it was through. “I’m happy you remember that.”

“Yeah.” Asougi smiled, leaning back on the desk. “Wow, that feels like so long ago now. Things were so much simpler back then, weren’t they?”

“I guess so.” Ryuunosuke replied. Things were simple for himself, he supposed. Back then, all he focused on was the next day. Making sure he studied for tests, making sure he didn’t sleep in too late, things like that… However, he couldn’t imagine things ever being that simple for Asougi. Knowing now that Asougi had so many horrible things that had shaped him and lay before him made it hard to believe that there was ever a time when life was simple for him. But perhaps the events of the past two years had been so stressful and awful that dreading a future assassination attempt seemed simple in comparison. He supposed anything was simple when compared to getting amnesia, having your death faked, and being accused of murder.

Things were simple now, Ryuunosuke realized. The office was quiet and the fresh scent of the tea he had made filled the room and outside he could see the light breeze shaking the red and yellow leaves and causing them to fall and Asougi looked calm and content as he sat on the desk, thinking, and Ryuunosuke realized then and there that for the first time in months he felt… happy. And calm. And like a great weight had been lifted off his chest as he didn’t need to worry anymore, though knowing him, he was always going to worry a little.

“Things can be simple again, you know.” Ryuunosuke said abruptly.

“Oh? How so?”

“I mean, think about it. Back then, all we could think about was what we were going to do here. And though it took awhile, we have that now. We’re in London. We have our law firm. We…” He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against Asougi’s. “We have each other. Doesn’t get much simpler than that, does it?”

”I guess not.” He shut his eyes and smiled. “Though…”

“What?”

“Though it’d be nice if we actually got some cases. Two years in London and I still haven’t defended a single f-”

He was interrupted by their office door practically being kicked down. Asougi barely had enough time to pull away from Ryuunosuke and look nonchalant before Gina Lestrade barged her way into the room, Toby trotting along behind her.

“Naruhodou!” She bellowed, stomping her way to his desk. “Hey, I need your help with something!”

“G-Gina-san!” Ryuunosuke managed. “It’s nice to see you again!”

“Huh? Oh.” She calmed down for a second. “Yeah, it’s nice to see you too. How’ve you been?”

“Oh, can’t complain.” Aside from getting shot twice, he thought, but he chose to leave that out. “And you?”

“I’m fine. That nasty Van Zieks decided against firing me so I’m… wait, who gives a damn about that? I need your help with something!”

“All right, all right, just please stop shouting. What happened?”

“Okay well…” She leaned forward and lowered her voice. “First, you gotta promise me you won’t tell anyone I’m the one who called you. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“So… a friend of mine, his name’s Wesley… he was arrested under suspicion of murder this morning. And I want to hire you to defend him.”

“Huh?” Ryuunosuke asked, jolting up in his seat. “You do?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, we’d be happy to! Can you tell us what happened?”

“Well, I dunno a lot of the details yet but… the story I’ve been told is that he robbed a shopkeeper at gunpoint, and when he wouldn’t pay up, he killed him.” She folded her arms and glared. “Sound familiar?”

“Yeah, it does.”

“Of course, I was furious. I know this kid really well, and he wouldn’t hurt a fly, let alone kill someone. But… who’s gonna believe that? We were thieves; and even though we have morals, people don’t care about that.” She sighed. “I would know.”

“Gina-san…”

“Look, I’ll spare you the sob story you’ve heard before. As a detective I’m supposed to be neutral in all this but… I’m not gonna stand by and leave him defenseless; especially when I know how it feels to be there. You were there for me when I really needed it so… if you’d be willing to do that again…”

“Sure, Gina-san. It’s no problem at all. But…”

“What is it?” She asked skeptically.

“I don’t know if you heard, but I’m actually working as co-counsel right now. But I’m sure Asougi will be more than happy to defend your friend in his time of need.”

“Huh?” Asougi, who at some point had hoisted Toby up into his lap and was petting him rather than paying attention, finally looked up. “…You want me to do it?”

“Hell no.” Gina said.

“Yes, please.” Ryuunosuke asserted. Gina glared at him. “Look, I know you have your differences, especially in regards to Gregson-san, but please try to give each other a chance. Asougi’s a defense attorney too; in fact, he’s probably better than I am-”

“I doubt that.” Gina said.

“Yeah, me too.” Asougi added.

“But, I want you guys to work together. You two really aren’t that different. And you were willing to give me a chance when you didn't like me, right? Besides… I really won’t be all that much help on investigations. With my leg like this I doubt I can climb anything or stoop down if I need to. If all three of us are there, I’m sure it’ll be better. Won’t you please at least consider it?”

There was silence for a moment, and Gina looked deep in thought. Unsurprisingly, she looked rather skeptical. And Ryuunosuke couldn’t blame her. Really the only time she had interacted with Asougi was when he had been sitting on the defendant’s chair for Gregson’s murder. And though he didn’t do it, the disdain he had felt for Gregson was real nonetheless. He couldn’t expect Gina to get over that overnight but… he’d like them to at least spend some time together. He got the feeling they could be good friends one day.

“Um… Inspector Lestrade,” Asougi said quietly, “I know you don’t think highly of me. I can assure you I feel the same way about myself. And I’m sorry for acting so immaturely during my trial. I was in a very bad place but… I suppose that doesn’t excuse voicing my frustrations. But I can promise you that I’ve put that all behind me and I will work my hardest to help you and your friend.”

She still didn’t say anything, her glare fierce. But finally she sighed, and reached her hand out to join him in petting Toby.

“Well,” she said, “I suppose Toby trusts you. That’s always a good thing.”

“Thank you.” Asougi replied. “I promise I won’t let you down and –“

“I said Toby trusts you. I didn’t say anything about me.” She glared again. “Look, if we’re gonna work together, we’re gonna have to try and trust each other. …You know I used to be a pickpocket, right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“As in I used to steal things from people while their backs were turned. Like a lot. Does that bother you?”

“No, not really. I mean, who am I to judge? I was almost an assassin. If you can tolerate me knowing that, then I have no qualms. Besides, you’re a friend of Naruhodou’s. So… I trust you.”

“Hmm.” She looked skeptical. “Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure.”

“Can I borrow one of your law books? I’m still getting the hang of reading, but… it would probably help for me to read up on some of this stuff.”

“Oh… yeah, sure.” Asougi hopped off the desk and headed towards the bookshelf behind it. He stood on his tiptoes to try and reach something on the higher shelf. “I think we have something up here that will-”

“No, stop.”

“Uh - what?”

“You’re good. You don’t actually have to find it for me. I’ve decided I trust you.”

“You do?” He turned around, confused. “Uh… why?”

“Well.” She smirked, and pulled a wallet out of her pocket. His wallet, which she had stolen. “I told you to your face that I steal things from people when their backs are turned. And ten seconds later, you do just that. If you’re willing to trust me that quickly, I suppose I should give you a chance.”

He just gaped at her. Ryuunosuke had a hard time stifling a laugh. Without another word, Asougi approached her, looking rather serious.

“H-hey,” Gina said, “I’m gonna give it back. And I didn’t actually take anything, I swear -”

“Can you teach me how to do that?” Asougi asked abruptly.

“Um… what?”

“Can you teach me how to do that?” He repeated. “I didn’t hear you or feel it at all! How do you do that?”

“Well, uh… it took me years to get it right but… sure, I can show you sometime. After you help my friend.”

“Okay, sounds great.”

She gave him his wallet back, and she smirked.

“So... you planning on robbing someone, Asougi?”

“Not necessarily. I just used to do martial arts back home, and knowing how to be quick and quiet is never a bad thing. But now that you mention it…” He smiled, too. “I can think of a certain gloomy prosecutor that probably wouldn’t miss a few pounds. Let’s say… enough to get us all lunch sometime?”

“Or to get us new clothes. I could use a heavier jacket once things start to get snowy.”

They both laughed, and Ryuunosuke found himself smiling as well. He really hoped Asougi didn’t rob Van Zieks but on the other hand, it was nice to see him laughing again. He got the feeling that Asougi often forgot that he was, in fact, a likable person.

“All right, it’s settled then. You can come along, Asougi. But I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”

“That’s fair. I don’t doubt Naruhodou will be doing the same.”

“Good. Anyways…” She pulled out a piece of paper and began to write something down. “Here’s the address of the crime scene. I guess you guys can meet me there in half an hour or so?”

“We’re not coming with you?” Ryuunosuke asked.

“Nah. Like I said earlier; I’m supposed to be neutral on all this. If word gets out that I personally hired you guys. I’ll probably get in trouble.”

“So… how are we supposed to explain how we knew to come there?”

“I dunno, you’ll think of something.” She shrugged. “You’re lawyers, aren’t you? That’s your job.” She patted her thigh, grabbing Toby’s attention and getting him to follow her once again. “I’m running late as is so I’ll see you guys there. Thank you so much!”

“Yeah, no problem.” Asougi said.

“See you soon.” Ryuunosuke waved goodbye as she ran out the door again. They waited for a moment as they heard her rush down the stairs and eventually shut the front door behind her. He then turned his attention back to Asougi and grinned. “So what was that you were saying about not serving any cases?”

“Oh, be quiet. How was I supposed to know this was going to happen?”

“Still… what luck. This is exactly what we were waiting for.” He slowly got up, shakily getting to his feet. “I suppose we should get going.”

“She said we have half an hour, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, but considering how slow I am it might take me that long.”

“I could call us a carriage.”

“No, I want to walk there. Besides, it’s not that far from here. I insist.”

“Well… all right.” He fetched Ryuunosuke his cane again, and smiled. “Let’s go, partner.”

They headed downstairs, but once they reached the front door, Asougi stopped abruptly. He looked around to make sure they were completely alone, then stole one more kiss from Ryuunosuke.

“Thank you, Ryuunosuke,” he said once they parted, “for watching out for me this whole time and keeping me safe. I know it couldn’t have been easy, but… thank you for saving my life. Really, it’s… thank you.”

“Oh…” Ryuunosuke beamed; he adored the way his first name sounded when Asougi said it. He reached out for Asougi’s hand and gave it a small squeeze. “You don’t have to thank me for that. I’m just glad you’re still here with me, Kazuma.”

Asougi looked surprised for a moment, before bursting into another wide smile. Ryuunosuke got the feeling he wasn’t used to hearing his name that often. Considering he wasn’t close to that many people, that was likely the case. He made a mental note to himself to do so more often. They were family now, right?

He gave Asougi’s hand one final squeeze before finally opening the front door, and stepping outside, finally, finally heading towards that long awaited goal they had spent so much time eagerly talking about in the past. Ryuunosuke was relieved beyond words that he got to see Asougi finally living out his dream. He leaned against Asougi heavily as they walked, never wanting to let go of the wonderful man beside him ever again.

Chapter Text

In another world, on July 23^rd, 1916, Ryuunosuke sat on a train headed to Shikoku, a bouquet of flowers in hand. He was practically a regular at this point and quite a few of the conductors actually knew him by name. The ones who didn’t just called him Hana-san. After all, he always had a bouquet of flowers in hand on his little visits. He took the train down to Shikoku multiple times a month, sometimes multiple times a week, often enough that he was frequently asked why he didn’t just move there. Maybe once he retired. But considering that being a defense attorney was still so rare in the nation, he had chosen to remain in the capital.

Once he got to Shikoku, he chose to walk to his final destination. It would be quicker to get a carriage but he liked taking in the scenery himself. It was quiet here and peaceful, with lots of thick forests and the fresh scent of the ocean never too far away. He could easily imagine Asougi growing up here. It would explain a lot about him, honestly. Ryuunosuke could picture young, high-spirited Asougi getting bored with the monotony of the peaceful landscape. It was no wonder he had such big dreams and seemed enthralled with the city.

By the time he reached Asougi’s grave, he wasn’t surprised to find that Susato had already beaten him there. She was talking to the grave so he decided to remain a few paces back as to not interrupt her. He chose to spend the time admiring the headstone from his spot. Professor Mikotoba had really chosen a nice spot for it. He knew now that he initially had set up this tombstone as a ploy when Asougi had “died”, but… considering Asougi had actually died before they had gotten the chance to remove it, it had stayed. It really was a beautiful place, though. Surrounded by nature, overlooking the ocean, a beautiful tree always keeping it nice and cool in the summer and shaded from the snow in the winter… he really hoped Asougi liked it.

If not, he really hoped Asougi liked the decorations he had left upon it. Ever since Susato had informed him that Asougi liked flowers, he had been sure to bring Asougi a fresh bouquet each time he visited. At this point he was fairly certain he alone was keeping the flower industry alive. After all… he didn’t know what Asougi’s favorite flower was. No one did; he had never told Susato and her father and there was hardly anyone else alive who had known Asougi that well so the chances of him ever finding out what it was remained very unlikely. So Ryuunosuke did the next best thing and brought him a different bouquet of flowers each time he visited. His grave was always bursting with color, nearly completely covered in different flowers and colored petals. Ryuunosuke wanted to make it beautiful and lively and well cared for. He wanted to prove to Asougi that he hadn’t been forgotten and never would be.

Susato finally finished her conversation and grew quiet. Ryuunosuke took this as his chance to step forward and join her.

“Good day, Ryu… ah, sorry.” He stammered. “I-I meant Susato-san.”

She just laughed at him. This happened a lot, after all.

True to her word, the moment they had gotten back from England all those years ago, they had opened a law firm of their own and Susato of course had become a full-fledged attorney. Unfortunately the only way to do that was to don the Ryuutarou persona at all times while they were working. At this point, Ryuunosuke referred to her as such much more often than he did Susato. It was almost rare to see her with a pretty kimono on rather than her usual suit.

“Where’s your father?”

“He wasn’t feeling up to making the trip all the way down here this year. He sends his regards, of course. I’m sure Kazuma-sama would understand.”

“Yeah, I know.” Honestly, Asougi would probably be surprised that anyone could be bothered to come at all. Ryuunosuke hated that he knew that was likely how he’d feel, and he hated that he didn’t know he felt that way until far too late. “Um… how are you doing, Susato-san?”

“I’m… fine.” She looked at him questioningly. “We saw each other yesterday, you know.”

“I know, but we hardly ever see each other out of the office. We never really get the chance to just talk as friends, I guess.”

“I suppose that’s true.” She shrugged. “All those times I spent scolding him for working so hard and look what we’ve become.”

“Yeah.” She was right, the two of them had become something of workaholics in the past sixteen years. What Asougi had told him years ago, about there being so few defense attorneys in Japan, had turned out to be true, and they constantly found themselves with cases. It wasn’t like England, where no one wanted the help of two foreigners, but rather they were often helping all sorts of people day in and day out. Asougi would have loved it. Ryuunosuke really wished he could have lived to see it. Perhaps he’d be happy to know that his memory lived on through it.

Originally, when he and Susato had returned from England, they had decided that once they both finished school and could open a law firm of their own, they were going to name it the Naruhodou Law Offices. Ryuunosuke had considered naming it after Mikotoba instead, considering she had taught him everything he knew, but for the sake of her constantly hidden identity, they had decided Naruhodou would work better. Perhaps one day they could add her name too but for now, better safe than sorry.

But of course, that changed after Asougi’s suicide.

Wrought with grief at what had happened to him, Ryuunosuke had asked her instead if she’d be willing to name their law firm after Asougi instead. After all, he had been the one to inspire both their interests in the law… and it was his dream that both of them were living in his place, a dream he had never gotten live through himself and now would never get the chance to. It was only fair that something remained that would acknowledge what he had started. Of course, she agreed.

There was a lot, actually, that they had kept to preserve Asougi’s memory. Their law firm’s name was only one thing. On the back wall of their office, they had Karuma on display for all to see. Ryuunosuke felt too guilty to keep it in his home. He knew Asougi had entrusted it to him and him alone, but… keeping it in his home and being forced to remember the friend he had abandoned was too much for him. He figured it would be best to keep it here, where Asougi’s hopes and passions had once lay, a place he could only hope Asougi would be proud of.

But despite Ryuunosuke’s overwhelming guilt at what had happened, he didn’t dare touch the hachimaki tied to its scabbard. While it was depressing to see it resting there listlessly rather than flowing in the breeze like it had when it was tied in Asougi’s pretty hair, Ryuunosuke didn’t want to get rid of it. He often thought about the final letter Asougi had sent and how he had truly believed that he had ruined their friendship and that Ryuunosuke despised him, when it couldn’t have been further from the truth. He wanted to prove, even now, that he still cherished the bond between them. So the hachimaki wasn’t going anywhere, even if its brilliant red had faded and become worn over the years.

Up above Karuma was a single, framed photograph. They had gotten the picture they had all taken together at the harbor in London framed and it was something Ryuunosuke found his eyes drifting towards whenever he had nothing to work on or found his interest in whatever he was writing begin to wane. He loved that picture still and it would always hold fond memories for him, but as the years had passed looking upon it made his heart heavy. It hurt knowing that despite his tender smile, Asougi was likely a mess of nerves inside. It hurt knowing that Asougi had been so desperate to ask him and Susato to stay but had held his tongue in fear of bothering them. It hurt knowing that things had been so close to being okay but because they had all kept their feelings to themselves, they wound up parting ways that day for the final time. The last time he had seen Asougi was to leave him behind, and that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

It didn’t help, that during the passing years, he had contact with everyone else in the photograph multiple times. Of course he saw Susato on a near daily basis, and he had watched her grow from an intelligent teenager to an ambitious young woman who made her own success. They had visited Holmes and Iris and vice versa almost on a bi-yearly basis, and they had changed quite a bit. Holmes had grown older and was beginning to gray a little and was contemplating retiring from the detective business one of these days. Iris, on the other hand, had blossomed into a beautiful young scientist – and it was clearer now than ever that she was related to the Van Zieks’s after all. Both her father and his brother were huge and she had grown to be just a bit taller than Holmes. If it weren’t for her pink hair and her wonderfully cheery smile, it would be hard to believe she was the little girl in the photograph.

Even Ryuunosuke himself had changed. For the longest time he had looked much younger than he was but as he had gotten older he lost most of his boyish looks. He had grown older too, and he wasn’t mistaken for a teenager anymore like he often used to be.

So it made looking at the picture all the more depressing. He got to move on and grow up and grow older. They all did.

But Asougi didn’t.

He would remain stagnant forever. He never got the chance to watch Susato serve a single case as a lawyer. He never got to hear of all the adventures Holmes went on in the years that passed. He never got to see Iris grow up and invent all sorts of wonderful gadgets. And he never got to grow old with Ryuunosuke by his side, living out their dreams together. He would always be that young man in the photograph, masking his fears of an anxious, uncertain future for the sake of those standing next to him. Knowing that Asougi’s life had ended miserably just a few months after this photograph was taken would always send a chill down his spine.

“…nosuke-san. Ryuunosuke-san?” Susato said, poking him on the shoulder.

“Oh!” Her touch brought him back into reality. “Sorry.”

“Are you all right?”

“I was just a little distracted. You know how I get sometimes. Anyways, uh,” he said quickly, desperate to change the subject rather than talk about what he was dwelling on, “how’s your wife doing?”

“Oh.” She beamed. “Haori’s doing just fine. Though she does keep accidentally referring to me as Susato when she talks about me to her colleagues. Oh well. It helps that she gets so flustered about it that they usually think it was just a slip of the tongue.”

Because “Ryuutarou” was legally registered as a part of the Naruhodou family despite not actually existing, it meant that Susato was free to pursue more than just a career while she was living under that alias. A couple years after she had returned to Japan, she began dating Haori and would be Ryuutarou whenever they were out in public. About five years after that, she had asked Haori to marry her, and she had said yes. Ryuunosuke was happy for them, though he did often worry about the two of them getting caught. However, it had been nearly a decade since they had gotten married and so far things were working out just fine. He was lucky that they hadn’t had any clients curious or observant enough to wonder why attorney Ryuutarou was never in the office at the same time assistant Susato was.

This also technically made Haori a part of the Naruhodou family now. Ryuunosuke was thankful that his mother was a lenient person; it made all of this slightly easier to explain. Holmes found it hilarious when he found out about all of it. He joked that even Ryuunosuke wasn’t immune of the curse of a complicated family life that had followed around Iris, Susato and even Asougi.

“You should come over more often.” Susato said.

“Uh… what?” He had been dwelling on his thoughts again and wasn’t paying that much attention.

“Haori says she’d like you to come over more often. She rather likes your company. Besides, she says no one in the world makes sweets as well as you do.” She cringed a little.

“What? You have a problem with my cooking?”

“I have a problem with your overwhelming sweet tooth.” She said. “I don’t understand how either of you can stand that much sugar.”

“I don’t understand how you can’t.” He jokingly scoffed. “Are you sure we’re from the same family, Ryuutarou-kun?”

He laughed, and she jokingly smacked him.

“Still, you should come over more often. We really like your company, you know.”

“I know, I know. I’ll consider it.”

Honestly, he wasn’t considering it at all. It wasn’t either of their faults; he liked them both quite a bit. It was just that… visiting their home, and watching them laugh and smile and chat about their day and hold each others hand and occasionally give each other a kiss on the cheek made him feel rather lonely. He hated to admit it, but he was a little jealous of them. After all, he knew he’d never get something like they had.

He had realized, for a long time now, that he loved men. He loved the women in his life as friends, family and colleagues, but he knew it would never go past that. Some of his friends and relatives kept asking him when he was going to finally find some nice young lady and settle down and he kept having to respond with lies about focusing on his career at the moment. How could he tell them that he simply didn’t feel the way about girls that he felt about boys? How could he explain that he didn’t feel the same way about anyone that he had felt about Asougi?

It was true, over the years there had been many men whom he had gotten crushes on. Men whose hands he had longed to hold, men whom he had dreamed of spending time with and getting to know better. But he had never once managed to reach out to any of them. Whenever he found himself developing feelings for someone else, he would always become too fearful to confess. Of course there was always the underlying fear that whoever he had feelings for wasn’t interested in men and he was always afraid of running the risk of getting in trouble should he admit it to the wrong person. But along with that he was just… afraid.

Anytime he’d brush hands with someone he liked, he’d think about how he had longed to hold Asougi’s hand and how he wished he had gotten the courage to do so before it was too late. Anytime he would find himself enamored as he listened to them talk, he’d think about all the times he watched Asougi go on and on about his ambitions with love-stuck admiration and how he’d give the world to hear his voice again. Anytime they smiled at him he would think of the way his heart would flutter those rare, fleeting times Asougi had smiled at him. And anytime he wished them farewell, he would remember the last time he had said goodbye to Asougi on that pier, blissfully unaware that it would be the last time. What if it was the last time for this person, too?

He was so afraid of hurting someone he loved again, so he didn’t let himself pursue any of his loves. Asougi’s death wasn’t his fault; Asougi had said so himself. There were multiple traumas and misfortunes that had lead to his death but despite that, Ryuunosuke couldn’t deny that he had played a part in it. He didn’t want to hurt anyone as badly as he had hurt Asougi. What if he made someone he loved feel like they were a burden? What if he made someone he loved feel like they were worthless? He didn’t want to lose anyone again, especially if he was in a place where he could help them.

So alone he remained, no matter how many people had loved over the years. He tried not to let himself get too upset about it. He figured that even if he did manage to conquer his fears one day, the chances of him being able to do something like Susato and marry the man of his dreams was unlikely. It wasn’t like he had a fake identity as a woman he could use and he doubted he’d do that anytime soon. He could live with being single for the rest of his life, even if he did feel a dull ache in his heart whenever he passed a happy couple on the street.

He often found himself thinking about the way Asougi had ended his final letter to him: I can rest easy knowing you’re going to live a long, wondrously happy life, without me there to burden you further. He couldn’t have been further from the truth. Sure, he had lived, and he liked to think that he was fairly happy with the way things were going. But the fact of the matter remained that Asougi’s memory was going to forever weigh heavy upon his heart. He was always going to be a part of him, even if Asougi had believed otherwise.

“…over too.”

“Huh?” Ryuunosuke asked, snapping back into the moment.

“Do you need to get your hearing checked, Ryuunosuke-san?”

“No, no I’m fine.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I just keep… spacing out. I guess I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Well, we can stop for somewhere for tea on the way back home then.”

“Sounds wonderful.” He lied; he didn't care for most tea unless he had at least a gallon of sugar to dilute it with. “Anyways, what were you saying?”

“I said you should bring the kids over, too. Haori really loves them. She’s told me that she’s always wanted to be a mom.”

“And do you?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe one day?”

“Well if you do, prepare for a lot of broken family heirlooms.”

“Hmm.” She chuckled. “You’re acting as if Kazuma-sama and I didn’t break any when we were children.”

“Fair enough.”

While Ryuunosuke wasn’t ready to pursue a love life and doubted he’d ever be, that didn’t mean his life was completely loveless. He had always longed for a family of his own; but after learning more about Iris and Asougi, he realized quickly that he wanted to adopt children. Despite never knowing her birth parents and being surrounded by so much tragedy when she was just an infant, Iris seemed pretty happy. Holmes had taken great care of her and had ensured she was safe and wanted for nothing as much as he could. It didn’t matter to her that she didn’t know who her real family was; she had grown up happy, not once doubting that she was truly and undoubtedly loved. Ryuunosuke would never forget the sheer joy on Holmes’s face when Iris had firmly proclaimed that she didn’t need to know who her real family was; Holmes would always be her Papa. Even now, years later, Iris still warmly referred to Holmes as such, and it never ceased to bring a smile to his face.

Asougi, on the other hand, didn’t get it quite as easy. He knew who his parents were and had gotten to spend part of his childhood growing up with them beside him. So when he lost them it had hurt him immensely and he would never be able to forget it. Ryuunosuke doubted that Asougi would have ever reached a point where he’d be comfortable to refer to anyone else as his mom or dad. But despite that, Professor Mikotoba had worked his hardest to be like a father to him. He had taken Asougi in when he had no one and had tried to support him throughout the years, even if Asougi had always refused to open up to him. Even if Asougi had never seen him as such, Professor Mikotoba had done his best to be a good father to him, and Asougi had always held a high respect for him. Ryuunosuke couldn’t even begin to imagine how much worse off Asougi would’ve been without Professor Mikotoba there to take care of him. He’d like to help someone out like that too, if he could.

So, a few years back he had finally decided he was in a stable enough position to start a family and had adopted two babies; twins – a charming little girl and a sweet little boy. The girl he had named Ryuuko, to keep up the family tradition of always naming a child with the kanji Ryuu. And the boy… perhaps it was selfish of him, but he named him Kazuma, after the best friend he had missed so dearly.

Ryuuko was rather outgoing and imaginative; she was often the first one up and the last one to go to bed at night and he’d often catch her staying up anyways, doodling something or writing down a half-baked idea for a story on some paper she would hastily hide under her futon if she heard him coming. When he mentioned one time that his best friend Asougi had liked to draw, she had asked if he’d be willing to teach her. He didn’t think she was old enough yet for him to explain to her why she couldn’t meet this Asougi he so often talked about, so he had tried to teach her instead. Turns out she was better than him at it as a toddler than he would likely ever be even as an adult.

Kazuma, on the other hand, was rather quiet but clever. He was a model student and teachers only ever had good things to say about him and Ryuunosuke rarely had to help him with his studies and he was the one who was most interested in his work. When Ryuunosuke mentioned one time that Iris had helped him in court all those years ago, he had eagerly asked if he could do the same for him one of these days. He reassured him that he’d see what he could do; but first he had to grow tall enough to see over the defense’s bench without needing a stool to climb on.

Ryuunosuke loved both his children to pieces and made sure to cherish them to the best of his ability. Sometimes, he worried he wasn’t enough for them. He was often busy with work and had to rely on his mother to babysit every once in awhile, and he couldn’t ignore the curious, sometimes jealous inquiries they had when they got old enough to notice that the other kids tended to have a dad and a mom when they did not. But he tried his best to give them the love and attention of two parents. And he loved it; he loved admiring all the little pictures they had drawn him and hanging them up around his office. He loved walking them to school in the mornings, and holding their hands until they got close to the school grounds and asked for him to let go so he didn’t embarrass them in front of their classmates. And he loved the way their faces would light up when he decided he was in the mood for something sweet and would treat them all to daifuku on a whim.

His friends loved them too; Susato was thrilled when she found out he had adopted twins and she and Haori became like mothers to them. They visited often and by the time they were toddlers, Susato was already teaching them how to Susato toss things. He feared for the day they’d be strong enough to toss him, too. His back likely wouldn’t be able to take it. And when he told Holmes and Iris about them, they began to send more letters. Or more accurately, more packages. They sent over old clothes of Iris’s that might fit Ryuuko as well as some of her old toys for the both of them. There were also some new toys, little gadgets that Iris had made herself and was incredibly proud of. The two of them were also eager to meet them one of these days; as soon as they got the chance to come by again, or if the children were finally old enough to handle travelling such a distance and the occasion presented itself. Whichever came first.

The children seemed happy with him and with all his friends doting upon them, and Ryuunosuke hoped to keep it that way. He loved his children, and while he doubted he’d be going anywhere soon… he knew sometimes fate wasn’t so kind. After all, both of Asougi’s parents’ deaths had been unexpected, cruel twists of fate. Ryuunosuke wanted to ensure that no matter what, if something happened to him, his children would always have loving, wonderful people there for them, and they would never have to feel as if they were all alone in the world. Like Asougi had.

“What are they up to right now?” Susato asked. “Are they finally old enough to stay home alone?”

“Absolutely not. They’re with my mother for the day.”

“I was joking.”

“It’s hard to tell with you sometimes.”

“…Do you think you might ever bring them up here to meet Kazuma-sama?”

“I don’t know. I’ve… thought about it. I even offered it before since I come up here so often. But Ryuuko thought it’d be depressing and boring and Kazuma thought it’d be strange to mourn for someone he’s never met. They both have a point; it’s not really the most fun bonding experience. I’d prefer they know about Asougi through all the stories I tell about him rather than by staring at this grave. Besides, I’m sure they’d rather spend the day being doted upon by their grandma then traveling all the way over here.”

“Makes sense.” Susato hesitated for a moment. “…Say, Ryuunosuke-san? May I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“A few months ago, you abruptly decided to head to London. I remember it was a very spur of the moment thing. I just went to work one morning and found a note from you claiming that you had left for England and wanted me to watch the firm while you were gone. And to check in with your children from time to time while they stayed at your mother’s. …What was that about?”

“Oh.” He scratched the back of his neck. He knew this was coming sooner or later but had tried to avoid it while he could. “Do I need a reason to visit old friends?”

“When they’re two months away by boat you do. Look, I love Holmes-san and Iris-chan dearly and miss them too, but… with how far away they are, it’s kind of hard to just go and visit them for no reason. Especially with how hectic things are over there… I guess I was just curious as to why you went. Especially without me and my father.”

Ryuunosuke said nothing for a moment, his eyes darting to Asougi’s grave. Susato’s gaze followed his and she looked at him curiously.

“Did it have something to do with Kazuma-sama?”

“Er-” He flinched at the name. “I guess it really is impossible to get anything past you, huh? I left because Iris-chan contacted me, informing me that she finished an invention she was working on and she wanted me there with her to test it.”

“Why? Isn’t Holmes-san her favorite guinea pig?”

“Usually, yes. But this was different. It was, uh… something I had asked her about earlier. So she thought it right that I be there to test it with her.”

“Well… what was it?”

“A long time ago… the first time Holmes-san and Iris-chan visited us here, Iris-chan overheard me talking about one night. It was the two-year anniversary of Asougi’s death and I couldn’t sleep and I was… it’s kind of embarrassing, but I was talking to a photo of him and she heard me. She asked me about him since she never really got to know him, and I told her a little about him. But my melancholy got the better of me, and I told her that I wished I could’ve helped him more. Of course she wanted me to elaborate. So without giving her too many details, I told her that Asougi’s death could’ve been prevented and I would give anything to turn back time to do just that. She thought for a moment then told me, uh… that there might be a way, one day.”

“…Did Iris-chan invent time travel?”

“No, not really. I asked her about that too, but… she said that wouldn’t really work in this case. If I went back in time and saved Asougi’s life… then we’d have a paradox. Future me would no longer have a reason to go back in time because he has already been saved so… I have no idea what would happen. But she did tell me about the possibilities of other, near identical universes. Perhaps we could change one of those for the better.”

“So… you traveled to another world with Iris-chan?” She glared. “How come you didn’t invite me? I would’ve liked to see that.”

“Because that’s not what we did. Iris-chan… I don’t really get how it works, but she invented a machine that could send objects to another world. She didn’t want to test it on people yet just in case. Which was probably for the best, because it blew up when we used it.”

“It blew up?! Are you two okay?!”

“Yeah, yeah, we’re fine. I was terrified but Iris-chan seemed used to that kind of thing and put the fire out pretty quickly.”

“So… what did you try and send?”

“A letter addressed to myself. If it worked correctly, it was to arrive just a few days before we were all to set off to England. Inside, I explained everything that was going to happen in the next year or so, and what could be done to keep Asougi safe. As well as some other things, like making sure Holmes-san doesn’t get shot. I thought about sending something to Asougi, but knowing him he’d just think it was a prank and throw it away. The only person who’d probably believe I knew the future was… well, me.”

“And… did you manage to send it?”

“I don’t know. I think so? After we cleaned up the mess, there were no signs of the letter I sent. And believe me, that thing was huge. It was easily thirty pages. So I want to believe it made it, somehow.”

“And… do you think it worked?”

“Oh… I don’t know.” He sighed. “That’s the big problem with all this. The chances of me ever getting to find out whether it really worked or not are slim.”

“Oh.”

“But what good is it to assume the worst? I want to believe it worked. Our job often makes us believe in the impossible, so I’m just going to have to do that here, too.” He smiled. “I believe that it worked and somewhere out there, in another world, Asougi is alive today, and we’re spending his birthday with him, watching him open gifts and laughing with him. I just… have to believe that that’s true somewhere. Even if I don’t get to see it for myself.”

“Yeah…” Susato smiled, too. “I want to believe that as well.”

“I suppose that’s all we can do.”

Ryuunosuke took a few steps forward, and knelt down before the grave. He brushed away some of the old, fallen petals from past bouquets he had gifted Asougi before and sighed. 

“Happy birthday, Asougi. Today, you would’ve been forty. To this day, it still comes as a surprise to me that I’m older than you, even if only by a few months. I know it’s not that big of a difference, but it always seemed impossible that someone as cool as you could be younger than me. But… I guess that doesn’t matter anymore, does it? You’re still twenty-four. For as long as I live, I will always be older than you. And that gap just grows with each passing year.”

He took a deep breath.

“…I miss you, Asougi. I know it’s pointless to say that. I say that nearly every time I visit you, but… it’s true. I miss you so, so much. And I wish more than anything that I could be celebrating today with you, rather than standing here, leaving more flowers on your grave. …I don’t even know what your favorite flower is, Asougi. I wish you were still here, so I could ask you. Then I’d give them to you all the time, until your office is nothing but bright color and fallen petals and you’d have to demand I stop because they keep getting all over your work. I’d like that. …I’d love that, Asougi. Even if you were just scolding me for doing something stupid, I’d love to hear it. I’m so desperate to hear your voice again that I wouldn’t even care what you were telling me. …It probably sounds silly, but I worry about it, you know? I worry that one day, I’ll forget what you sound like. I always thought your voice was so entrancing and I loved listening to you go on and on about the things you were passionate about and now… I never get to hear it again.”

He reached out and pressed his hand against the gravestone, tracing his fingers over the engraved kanji on the cold stone.

“Asougi, I’m so sorry for everything that happened. Had I known sooner just how troubled and lonely you were, perhaps I could have done something more to help you. Perhaps you’d be with us now, and we’d all be eating gyuunabe and cake together and laughing about how old we are, the troubles of the past long forgotten, or at the very least less painful. But… we’re not. You’re gone. And here we are. And we just have to live with missing you for… forever, I suppose.”

He drew his hand back to wipe away a few stray tears.

“I, um… I know it’s pointless for me to dwell on the past like this but you know me. You probably can’t even hear any of this and there’s no point in me saying it but… I might as well try. Asougi, I could never forget you. Ever. None of us can. Susato-san and Mikotoba-san and I… we think about you and talk about you all the time. I know you thought that we… that I, especially, hated you. And I’m so sorry for giving you that impression. But Asougi, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I love you so much. Both back then and now, and I doubt that’s ever going to change. I can promise you now that nothing you could’ve done would have ever made me hate you. Even if we had our differences… even if you worried me sometimes… at the end of the day, I still cared about you so, so much. I just wish I could have told you that when I had the chance, and when you needed to hear it.”

He wiped his eyes again, and forced a smile.

“And it’s not just me that cares about you. Susato-san and Mikotoba-san still love you so much. Holmes-san has told me many times that he would’ve liked to get to know you better. And Iris-chan… she didn’t even get to really meet you, but she would have liked to. And she was so moved by how much I cared for you that she was willing to do so much just to help you. Who knows, maybe one day, I’ll actually be able to see you again. But for now, I just have to hope that Iris-chan’s machine worked and somewhere out there there’s a world where that version of me didn’t make the same stupid mistakes I did and we’re spending today celebrating together and things are okay. You’re working with Susato-san and me and living out that dream you had talked so passionately about. You got to befriend Holmes-san and Iris-chan and I bet you love them to pieces, even if Holmes-san annoys you sometimes. And maybe… I dunno, just maybe… we have something like Haori-san and Susato-san have…”

He shook his head.

“I shouldn’t be talking about that. It’s your birthday; it’s not really my day or my place to talk about what I want when I still don’t even know if that’s what you would have wanted, too. I wish I had gotten the chance to ask you, instead of letting my nerves get the better of me. But… here I am instead, simply wondering. …I’m sorry. I really do need to stop making everything about me. Happy Birthday, Asougi. I love you so much. And wherever you are, I hope you know just how loved and missed you are. And I wish we could have told you that in person.”

He finally stood up and backed away from the grave so he was standing beside Susato again. She looked a little teary-eyed and without another word, she stepped forward and gave him a big hug.

He returned the gesture and wept a little upon her shoulder. She held him tighter and they just stood there for a moment, weeping, both of them reminiscing over what they had lost. Asougi had been a doting older brother to Susato, an admirable partner for Ryuunosuke, and of course a wonderful friend to them both. They just wished he could’ve seen that for himself. They both missed him, so, so much. And while they were content with their lives and the friends and family they got to spend them with, Asougi’s absence would forever leave a gaping hole in their hearts.

“Ryuunosuke-san,” Susato said when they finally parted, “my father was wondering if you’d like to come over for dinner tonight. He knows today can be rather tough for you, so…”

“Yeah, I’ll go.” Ryuunosuke replied. “Thanks for inviting me. I appreciate it. Can the kids come?”

“Oh, of course. You know how much my father adores them.”

“Thank you.” He gazed back at Asougi’s grave for a moment and sighed. “I… suppose we should get going soon.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

He knelt down beside the grave once more, placing the bouquet of flowers upon it.

“Goodbye, Asougi. I’ll be back to visit you in a few days, as usual.”

“You know you can probably call him Kazuma now, right? I’m sure he’d like that.”

“Maybe.” Ryuunosuke shrugged. “But… he never told me that himself. I’d rather have him tell me that in person than just assume.”

“Well… all right then.” Susato looked as though she was going to say something too, but stopped when she finally got a good look at the bouquet of Ryuunosuke had left there. “Say, Ryuunosuke-san?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you usually get Kazuma-sama a different flower every time you come here?”

“Yeah? What about it?”

“You’ve brought this flower before, haven’t you?”

“Right you are, Susato-san. Truly, nothing gets past you.”

“So why’d you get this?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” He smiled. “For some reason, I just had a really good feeling about peonies today.”

In this world, on July 23^rd, 1916, Ryuunosuke woke up very, very early. He only just barely managed to hit his alarm before it disturbed Asougi too much. When he glanced back, Asougi only mumbled something in his sleep but aside from that didn’t stir. Ryuunosuke smiled at him, thankful he was getting his rest. But now came the truly hard part of getting up in the morning: somehow detatching himself from Asougi’s grasp.

Asougi could be rather clingy. It was something Ryuunosuke didn’t find out about until they had been together for quite a few years. Likely because it had taken that long for Asougi to finally come out of his shell when it came to affection. Sure, he could be affectionate at times near the beginning. But aside from stealing a kiss from him every once in awhile and occasionally asking for a hug or quickly giving his hand a squeeze, he tended to keep to himself. It seemed he simply wasn’t used to affection; and considering he had spent quite a deal of his life alone, it was no surprise he wasn’t quite used to giving or receiving it. 

But as the years had passed, he had slowly begun to open up more. When they were in public, Asougi often had his hand upon Ryuunosuke’s shoulder when they talked and sometimes, when he was feeling brave, he would clutch at his hand for a brief fleeting moment beneath the defense’s bench. And behind closed doors, Asougi had grown to become even more affectionate. He would often kiss Ryuunosuke the moment they got home and would hug him from behind when he was working on something and when they went to sleep at night, Asougi would usually wrap his arms around him and hold him close until he finally drifted off. Soon enough, Asougi had become just about as affectionate as Ryuunosuke which, considering he had been called clingy by friends and family alike, was saying something.

But of course, Asougi’s newfound affection made it hard to escape his grasp in the mornings when Ryuunosuke needed to get up first. He slowly wormed his way out of Asougi’s arms, careful not to disturb him. When he finally managed his way out, he took his pillow and put it where he had been resting, and Asougi gathered it up quickly in his arms, believing in his sleep that it was Ryuunosuke. Success. Ryuunosuke smiled at him, thankful to see he hadn’t stirred. Asougi really needed his rest, and it was nice to see him getting it. Even now, he was something of a workaholic. Ryuunosuke supposed old habits died hard and since Asougi had always been pushing himself harder than he needed to since childhood, the chances of him changing that were unlikely. But at least now when he slept he was rarely startled awake.

Back near the beginning of their relationship, when he was still remembering his past, he would often remember things in his sleep, and many times it would startle him awake. He hadn’t lived a happy life, and oftentimes he would need some time to process what had happened and he didn’t usually get back to sleep. But as the years passed this happened less and less. It seemed at this point he knew most everything there was to remember… and there was always the unfortunate chance that he would never get everything back. But at the very least last night, like most nights lately, he had slept soundly the whole time. Ryuunosuke knew it was silly, but he was grateful for something so simple.

He was going to get up and go, but… oh, he couldn’t help it. He brushed some of Asougi’s hair out of his face and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead. Satisfied, he finally got up to get dressed and start the day.

This was about the time he and Asougi usually got up for work, but they had taken the day off for Asougi’s birthday so the latter had decided to sleep in. Ryuunosuke planned on surprising him with breakfast when he woke up. Usually, Asougi did most of the cooking. He was better at it and he was rather picky so he liked to make things his way. But Ryuunosuke wanted to do something special for him today.

When in England, Asougi had been extremely picky. British food wasn’t very good, and while Ryuunosuke could eat just about anything as long as it wasn’t too bitter, Asougi often turned down anything he didn’t like. Which turned out to be many things, even when made by a talented cook like Iris. However, there was one thing he liked in England that struck Ryuunosuke as odd. Asougi didn’t have as much of a sweet tooth as Ryuunosuke but he did seem to have a thing for french toast and often asked Iris if they could make some together while they had been living with her and Holmes. Ryuunosuke was going to make him some today; and Iris had even sent him some strawberry jam she had made herself.

However, just as he had rolled up his sleeves and was about to get started, there was a knock at the door. He sighed and headed to the door, not wanting whoever it was to wake Asougi or the kids. When he opened the door he found Susato there in her usual work attire, a small box in her arms.

“Good day, Susa… ah, sorry.” He stammered. “I meant Ryuutarou-kun.”

She just laughed at him. This happened a lot, after all.

True to her word, the moment she had gotten back from England all those years ago, she had begun to follow her dreams of becoming a full-fledged attorney and by the time Ryuunosuke and Asougi had gotten back too, she was just about finished with her studies. Unfortunately the only way for her to start a law firm with them as an attorney as well was to don the Ryuutarou persona at all times while they were working. It was almost rare to see her with her hair down donning a kimono rather than her usual suit. However, they spent time together a lot outside of the office, and Asougi slowly beginning to refer to her as Susato-chan rather than the mouthful Judicial Assistant Mikotoba-san didn’t help Ryuunosuke’s habits when talking to her. Hopefully, as long as he kept insisting it was a mistake on his part, Susato wouldn’t get caught.

“What brings you here today?”

“Just thought I’d stop by before work. Is Kazuma-kun awake?”

“No, not yet. I decided to let him sleep in today. I’m going to make him breakfast, too. You want to stay for that?”

“Aw, I’d love to. But unfortunately I’m already running late as is. I just came by to drop this off for him.” She handed him the box. It was filled with homemade manju. “There’s plenty for you and the kids, too. Tell him happy birthday for me, will you?”

“Why don’t you tell him yourself? We’ll be meeting you at your father’s for dinner tonight, right?”

“Yeah, but… it doesn’t hurt to tell him anyways, does it?”

“I suppose not. …Call us if you need any help.”

“Please, I think I can handle myself by now. Besides, I’m not going to interrupt your special day.”

“Well… all right. Try not to work too hard, okay?”

“I’ll see what I can do.” With a final wave she left, and Ryuunosuke shut the door behind her.

He really hoped she would try. He had insisted that she should just take the day off with them too, but she had decided against it, especially since it was still the middle of the week. She’d meet them for dinner; besides, they didn’t seem to mind when she took the day off for herself or Haori.

But still, the three of them had become something of workaholics in the past sixteen years. What Asougi had told him years ago, about there being so few defense attorneys in Japan, had turned out to be true, and they constantly found themselves with cases. It wasn’t like England, where no one wanted the help of foreigners, but rather they were often helping all sorts of people day in and day out. It was exhausting, but they all seemed to love it and they all loved working together.

When Ryuunosuke and Asougi finally returned home from England and finally reunited with Susato, they had all decided to open up a law firm together. It took awhile for them to decide on a name. Ryuunosuke had insisted on Asougi, since he was the one to start this all. Asougi insisted on Naruhodou since it was both Ryuunosuke’s name as well as the alias Susato was using. Susato tossed them both when they couldn’t stop arguing and thus the firm was named after the both of them. It seemed wrong that her name couldn’t be there too, considering she had taught Ryuunosuke everything he knew and she was much more decisive than the both of them, but for the sake of her constantly hidden identity, it was decided that Mikotoba should be omitted for now. Perhaps one day they could ad her name too but for now, better safe than sorry.

Ryuunosuke was honestly really happy with their law firm. Despite the fact that even now he still got nervous at the beginning of a new trial, he still looked forward to work everyday and his office honestly felt like a second home. On the back wall of their office, they had Karuma on display for all to see. Asougi felt too guilty to keep at home. He had entrusted it to Ryuunosuke, but considering the two of them never actually separated, it didn’t make much of a difference. But despite the years that had passed, Asougi still felt like he had let his family down. He still felt remorseful over not helping his mother as much as he could have, and he constantly felt ashamed for his actions in the years since; choosing to agree to an assassination plan and almost going through with it made him feel unfit to keep the heirloom in his possession. He thought it right to keep it here, in the place he had so dreamed about, as a symbol that the heavy burden that had been placed upon his shoulders was at last over.

However, Asougi had taken the hachimaki off its scabbard and had worn it in the years since returning home. Initially, he had no memory of it, and Ryuunosuke didn’t feel the need to comment on it. But one morning, just about a month after the two of them had returned to Japan, Asougi went on a frenzied search through all of their things to find it. Initially he hadn’t told Ryuunosuke what he was searching for, and when he finally remembered where it was, he looked rather embarrassed. It seemed he didn’t want to admit just how important that little piece of cloth was to him. Not that Ryuunosuke would judge of course; when he thought Asougi had died, he had kept it close to him at all times, not wanting to lose what little remained of his dear friend. Asougi wore the hachimaki again from then on, wanting to prove that, even now, he still cherished the bond between them. However one day, about ten years after their abroad trip, he accidentally tore it while tying it in his hair. It was inevitable that something like this would happen; it had become rather worn over the years, its brilliant red having faded. It still seemed to upset Asougi, but he chose to simply tie the pieces to Karuma’s scabbard again rather than throw it away or replace it. After all, by that point, Ryuunosuke had already gotten him something else to remember their relationship with…

Up above Karuma was a wall of framed photographs. Asougi seemed to have a thing for photography. Ryuunosuke could guess why. Even it still fascinated him. But aside from that, Asougi had so little to remember people by. He had one single photograph of himself with his father, and he didn’t even have anything left of his mother. And considering he had lost his memories once before, it seemed he wanted to do what he could to preserve his memory. So, every time they successfully helped out a defendant, they all got their picture taken together, and Asougi would proudly hang it up on the back wall. Susato and Ryuunosuke didn’t mind it, of course. Aside from helping Asougi’s memory, it was good for their law firm. Seeing all the smiling faces of the people they had helped reminded them in tough times that they could do it. And it reminded Asougi that he had actually helped people, even if he often didn’t believe it.

Alongside pictures of various people they had helped over the years, they had also gotten at least one photo taken with Iris and Holmes every time they all visited one another. Sometimes Professor Mikotoba or Haori joined in, and sometimes so did Gina. But Ryuunosuke cherished each and every image and he often found his eyes drifting towards them whenever he had nothing to work on or found his interest in whatever he was writing begin to wane.

In some of the pictures Susato was herself, the smart young lady who had helped teach Ryuunosuke just about everything he knew now. In others she was dressed in a spiffy suit as Ryuutarou. And in the most recent one she had her arm around Haori’s shoulders as a happily married woman. Holmes had grown older and was beginning to gray a little but he was still just as cheerful and weird as always. The last time they had visited London, he had insisted that Mikotoba actually take part in the picture when he was the one who often opted to take it instead. Mikotoba insisted that he didn’t need to be pictured, but Holmes kept arguing with him until he offered that they have a tap dance competition. Mikotoba, getting up there in years, lost, and took part in the photo. And Holmes had made sure to ruin his smile by catching him off guard with a kiss to the cheek right when the camera went off. Iris had changed the most; she had grown from a sweet little girl into a towering young scientist who was just a bit taller than Holmes now. In their most recent picture, she was using Asougi’s shoulder as an armrest, which Ryuunosuke didn’t doubt irritated him. But despite the fact that she wasn’t a little girl anymore, it seemed Asougi still couldn’t say no to her.

Asougi… Ryuunosuke always found himself drawn to him whenever he looked at these pictures. Perhaps it was because he was hopelessly smitten with him still. But on the other hand, it was always just nice to see him there anyways. It was nice to see him get a bit older, and with each passing year, his smile grew brighter. He had come a long way from the very first photograph where he had stood beside Ryuunosuke, masking his fears of an anxious, uncertain future for the sake of those standing next to him. He had come out of his shell greatly and with the painful memories of the past getting further and further away from him, he could smile much easier now. Knowing that Asougi had continued to live past the first picture and was thriving with friends and family that loved him warmed him heart. Especially when he got the feeling that his other self only had the one picture of Asougi to remember him by.

Ryuunsouke was pulled from his thoughts when he heard footsteps heading towards him. He looked up and noticed his daughter bounding towards him, still in her pajamas.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” He said.

“Why are you up, Papa?” She asked. Straight to the point as usual.

“This is when I usually get up. You’re just always asleep.”

“Oh.”

“So why are you up?”

“I heard talking. Was someone here?”

“Yeah, Susato-san just dropped by.”

“And she left? Why?”

“It’s early and she was heading to work. She just wanted to drop off a little gift for Kazuma.”

“Awww…. Well, did her wife come by at least?”

“No, but you’ll get to see them at dinner tonight.”

“Ok good. I like Haori-san.”

“I do, too.”

Because “Ryuutarou” was legally registered as a part of the Naruhodou family despite not actually existing, it meant that Susato was free to pursue more than just a career while she was living under that guise. A couple years after she had returned to Japan, she began dating Haori and would be “Ryuutarou” whenever they were out in public. About five years after that, she had asked Haori to marry her, and she had said yes. Ryuunosuke and Asougi were happy for them, though they did often worry about them getting caught. However, it had been nearly a decade since they had gotten married and so far things were working out just fine. They were lucky that they hadn’t had any clients curious or observant enough to wonder why attorney Ryuutarou was never in the office at the same time assistant Susato was.

This also technically made Haori a part of the Naruhodou family now. Ryuunosuke was thankful that his mother was a lenient person; it made all of this slightly easier to explain. Holmes found it hilarious when he found out about all of it. He joked that even Ryuunosuke wasn’t immune of the curse of a complicated family life that had followed around Iris, Susato and even Asougi.

“How come dad’s not cooking?”

“I wanted to let Kazuma sleep in and surprise him with breakfast.”

“But he’s better at it than you are.”

“Well, that’s not nice to say.” He laughed. “But you’re right. Anyways, you should go and get dressed. It’ll be done in a few minutes.”

“Mmkay.” She turned around and headed back down the hallway, and shut the door to her and her brother’s room just as Asougi emerged from his. He had gotten dressed but still looked sleepy, his hair down and still a little messy. He didn’t say anything as he approached Ryuunosuke, but rather just walked up and hugged him from behind while he finished the french toast.

“Good morning, Kazuma.” Ryuunosuke said, trying a bit harder to be careful with Asougi’s added weight.

“Mmm…” Asougi lazily kissed the nape of Ryuunosuke’s neck. “Morning.”

“You can go back to bed if you want.”

“No… I’m fine.”

“Well, if you’re going to stand here with me can you do me a favor? Can you tie your hair back?”

“All right.” He kissed him one more time before finally letting go and doing as told. Ryuunosuke watched him from the corner of his eye. In the years since returning from England, Asougi had grown his hair out. Ryuunosuke got the feeling it was to imitate his father. That, or he missed the feeling of something flowing behind his head since he no longer wore his hachimaki. Either way, Ryuunosuke thought his hair was very pretty, and he loved running his fingers through it. And he couldn’t help but smile when for a moment; Asougi’s hair got caught on the ring on his left hand.

The two of them had been together as a couple for a long time now, just about sixteen years. If he was being honest, Ryuunosuke got the feeling that both of them didn’t think it would last that long. Not that either of them doubted the other; no, they cared for one another deeply, and considering how much their relationship had been tested in just one short year, he doubted that was going to change. What bothered them was the nagging, underlying fear that this simply wasn’t going to last, that something terrible was going to happen and one of them would be taken away somehow. Ryuunosuke worried because of that letter he had received long ago that Asougi might once again want to take his own life. And Asougi knew firsthand just how suddenly things could change for the worse and people could die out of nowhere. They were scared, so in the first few years since beginning their relationship they often spent a great deal of time worrying; worrying that soon this would all be over, that something would happen, that perhaps this kiss would be the last.

But despite that worry, nothing happened. While Asougi would sometimes fall into depressive slumps, he kept his promise to Ryuunosuke and would reach out to him instead of even thinking about doing anything drastic. And while Ryuunosuke had fallen ill a few times, and his injuries had caused him to struggle every once in awhile, these were always minor and were resolved quickly. Asougi wasn’t going anywhere, and neither was Ryuunosuke. He just wished he had some way to prove to the both of them that that was the case and ease their worries.

He finally came up with something when he and Asougi visited England again for the first time after their initial return. Part of the reason they had come to visit was because a few months prior, they had defended the daughter of a fairly wealthy family and after proving her innocent, they had all been paid handsomely and could finally afford to drop by. Susato had used some of the money for her wedding to Haori. She had brought Haori along to England with them all, and as she introduced her to Holmes and Iris and talked happily about their marriage, it had given Ryuunosuke an idea.

Ryuunosuke knew he wouldn’t be able to have something like Susato and Haori did. Susato got a rare, once in a lifetime opportunity to live as someone else from time to time, and she had taken it. She could pursue her job and her love like that. Ryuunosuke couldn’t. He doubted he’d find it a necessity to live behind a female persona like Susato had a male one. But even if it was unlikely that he’d ever be able to actually get married, Ryuunosuke wanted to prove to Asougi that he’d be with him forever, so long as that was what Asougi wanted.

So, while he was in London he bought Asougi and himself rings, however he vouched for a garnet instead of a diamond for Asougi’s, just in case. The exchanging of rings as a wedding custom wasn’t common in Japan, so he doubted many people would read into it. And if they did notice it, the red stone would throw them off, likely leading them to believe it was just an expensive souvenir or a family heirloom or something of the like. The rings weighed heavy in his pocket throughout the duration of the trip, as Ryuunosuke’s nerves held him off from proposing. That, and he wanted to make everything perfect. He wound up waiting until months later, after they arrived back home. He took Asougi out to Los Quantos, just like old times. And when they got home, he gave Asougi a kiss, just like he had done before all of this had begun, and asked him if he would like to marry him. Even if it wouldn’t be recognized by the law anytime soon, he wanted to prove to Asougi alone that he loved him and he wasn’t going anywhere… and that they were a family now.

Ryuunosuke remembered sweating bullets, his heart pounding in his chest, as he awaited Asougi’s answer. He expected Asougi to laugh and think he was joking, or tell him he was being stupid for spending so much money on something that couldn’t really be used or something of the like. But he didn’t. Instead, he looked rather… touched. Emotional, even. He hugged Ryuunosuke in turn, telling him he’d be happy to.

He let Ryuunosuke slide the ring onto his finger and he hadn’t taken it off since.

“You’re going to burn it you know.” Asougi said, his voice effectively pulling Ryuunosuke out of the happy memory.

“Uh… huh?”

“Quit staring at me; you’re going to burn it.”

“O-oh, right.” He turned his attention back to the toast, and flipped it just in time before it burned. “Sorry, I can’t help it. You’re really beautiful, you know?”

“Be quiet, will you?” He smacked Ryuunosuke playfully on the shoulder and proceeded to make some tea and ignore him.

Once Ryuunosuke finished cooking breakfast, Asougi insisted he sit down and relax and he’d do the rest. As expected, his leg hadn’t improved much in the years since he had been shot, so Asougi still insisted on doing a lot for him. At first, Ryuunosuke had been a little flustered by it, but with age he grew to appreciate it more and more. He sat down at the table while Asougi and their daughter brought over the food, though of course Asougi quickly told her to join Ryuunosuke at the table instead.

“Where’s your brother?” Ryuunosuke asked.

“Still sleeping.”

“Well go wake him, will you? I don’t want his breakfast getting cold.”

“Can’t I just eat his?”

“Oh come on. How would you feel if you woke up and your brother ate all your food?”

She just pouted.

“Look,” Asougi said, setting down the food in front of them, “if you wake up your brother I’ll give you extra cake tonight.”

That seemed to work and she quickly stood up and headed back down the hall. Ryuunosuke just chuckled as Asougi sat down next to him.

After being happily married for a few years, Ryuunosuke brought up the idea of having kids. He had always longed for a family of his own; but after learning more about Iris and Asougi, he realized quickly that he wanted to adopt a child. Despite never knowing her birth parents and being surrounded by so much tragedy when she was just an infant, Iris seemed pretty happy. Holmes had taken great care of her and had ensured she was safe and wanted for nothing as much as he could. It didn’t matter that she didn’t know who her real family was; she had grown up happy, not once doubting that she was truly and undoubtedly loved. Ryuunosuke would never forget the sheer joy on Holmes’s face when Iris had firmly proclaimed that she didn’t need to know who her real family was; Holmes would always be her Papa. Even now, years later, Iris still warmly referred to Holmes as such, and it never ceased to bring a smile to his face.

Asougi, on the other hand, didn’t get it quite as easy. He knew who his parents were and had gotten to spend part of his childhood growing up with them beside him. So when he lost them it had hurt him immensely and he had never been able to forget it. But Professor Mikotoba had still worked his hardest to be like a father to him. He had taken Asougi in when he had no one and had tried to support him throughout the years, even if Asougi was still hesitant to open up to him. Mikotoba had done his best to be a good father to him, and Ryuunosuke knew that Asougi saw him as like a father, even if he’d never say it out loud. Ryuunosuke couldn’t even begin to imagine how much worse off Asougi would’ve been without Professor Mikotoba there to take care of him. He’d like to help someone out like that too, if he could. And when he explained this reasoning, Asougi readily agreed with him, though he did seem to have his reservations.

Sure, they were at a point where they were in a stable enough position to start a family, but Asougi seemed worried that he might screw it up. He still felt tremendously guilty for acting on impulse back in London all those years ago, and he still felt partially to blame for his mother’s death. He worried that if he started a new family, he would inevitably find a way to ruin it and let everyone down. Ryuunosuke assured him again and again that he’d be a great dad. Besides, he had helped lots of people. Their law firm was covered in pictures of all the people they had helped over the years. Besides, he and Ryuunosuke had been married for almost a decade now; and he still hadn’t done a thing to disappoint him.

Eventually, Asougi believed in Ryuunosuke’s word and agreed to adopt children with him. Of course, the children were legally Ryuunosuke’s as he and Asougi still couldn’t legally get married, let alone mention their relationship to anyone aside from close friends and trusted family. But they agreed to raise them and love them together in secret. They had adopted two children; twins – a sweet little boy and a charming little girl. The boy Ryuunosuke had named Ryuuzou, to keep up the family tradition of always naming a child with the kanji Ryuu. And the girl… Asougi thought it was selfish of him, but he named her Sayaka, after the mother he had missed so dearly.

Ryuuzou was rather quiet but clever. He was a model student and teachers only ever had good things to say about him and they rarely had to help him with his studies and he was the one who was most interested in their work as attorneys. When Ryuunosuke and Asougi mentioned one time that Iris had helped them out in court a few times all those years ago, he had eagerly asked if he could do the same for them one of these days. They reassured him that he’d see what he could do; but first he had to grow tall enough to see over the defense’s bench without needing a stool to climb on.

Sayaka, on the other hand, was rather outgoing and imaginative; she was often the first one up and the last one to go to bed at night and they would often catch her staying up anyways, doodling something or writing down a half-baked idea for a story on some paper she would hastily hide under her futon if she heard them coming. When Ryuunosuke mentioned one time that Asougi had liked to draw, she had asked if he’d be willing to teach her. Asougi readily agreed, telling her that he and his mother used to teach him how to draw when he was about her age. At the rate she was going, she’d probably be better than him in no time.

Ryuunosuke loved both his children to pieces and made sure to cherish them to the best of his ability. And he loved it; he loved admiring all the little pictures they had drawn him and hanging them up around his office. He loved walking them to school in the mornings, and holding their hands until they got close to the school grounds and asked for him to let go so he didn’t embarrass them in front of their classmates. And he loved the way their faces would light up when he decided he was in the mood for something sweet and would treat them all to daifuku on a whim. Sometimes, though, he worried he wasn’t enough for them. He was often busy with work and worried he couldn’t give them as much as they would like. But he tried his best to give them as much love and attention as he could.

But whatever he couldn’t give, Asougi readily did. He had been right; Asougi was a good father. Honestly, his biggest concern was that he’d be a strict parent, considering how often he scolded him when they were in college. But he couldn’t have been further from the truth. As a parent, Asougi was a total pushover. Ryuunosuke never thought that between the two of them, he’d be the stricter parent. But here they were. Perhaps he should have expected it, considering Asougi had been a complete pushover when it came to Iris, too. But he got the idea that there was another reason for it.

Asougi knew first hand what it was like to have everything taken away from him. He knew what it was like to suddenly feel lost and alone, with the family he had loved so much gone forever. And because of that he worried and fussed and doted upon them and wound up smothering his children in affection and love and made sure they wanted for nothing to the best of his ability. He almost seemed to treat everyday as if it were the last, as if this could all go away at the drop of a hat. He wanted to make sure his children knew they were loved and that they were happy, so that they never had to feel as alone and scared as he had.

It seemed Asougi had finally found peace with a great deal of his worries once he and Ryuunosuke had adopted children. He had spent years upon years agonizing over the guilt of letting down his family that it didn’t seem to occur to him that he could always have a family again. He’d never be able to forget his mom and dad or what had happened to them, but it was time for him to move on, and be part of another family, too. And his children were living, breathing proof that he wasn’t just a failure or a total let down to the people he cared about. They seemed to be happy, even if things were a little confusing for them at times, such as why they had to call their dad “Asougi-san” whenever they were out of the house or around anyone aside from close family friends, or the fact that they had two dads rather than a mom and a dad like all the other kids at school did. But they were happy nonetheless and that was more than Asougi could wish for.

In fact, the first time his daughter told him I love you, he just about wept.

After breakfast was over, Asougi opened some of the presents his friends and family had gotten him. He had some of the manju Susato had brought over earlier. Iris and Holmes sent over a package, as they did for everyone’s birthdays and on holidays. Though as of late, there had been more gifts for the kids than anything else. Iris often sent over lots of old toys from her childhood, along with little gadgets she had made for them. Today, she had sent over two small, gun like devices but instead of anything harmful, they just shot out water. The kids were immediately fascinated by them and rushed to finish breakfast so they could play with them outside. Ryuunosuke put the dishes away while Asougi found a place to hang the drawing Sayaka had made him for his birthday. He chose a spot in the main room, just below the framed sketch he had done of some peonies for Ryuunosuke when he had been in the hospital in London.

“Why do we still have this thing?” Asougi asked, looking rather embarrassed. “I can draw a much better one now.”

“I’m sure you can, but we’re not getting rid of that. It means a lot to me, you know.”

“Yeah…” He looked back at Ryuunosuke and smiled. “I know.”

Soon enough they opened the sliding door to the back porch so they could watch their kids run around and play. Ryuunosuke rested his head against Asougi’s shoulder, enjoying the warmth of the warm summer sun heating their skin.

“So… what would you like to do today, Kazuma?”

“Oh… I don’t know.”

“Come on, you should choose something. It’s your day, after all. We should do something special.”

“Dinner with the Mikotobas isn’t something special?”

“They invite us to dinner almost once a week so no, not really.”

“Hmmm.” He thought for a moment. “Well, it’s warm today. Maybe we can all go to the beach together?”

“Can we get ice cream?”

Asougi laughed, and turned his head to kiss Ryuunosuke’s forehead.

“Of course we can, Ryuu.” He turned his attention back to the children. “But… in a minute. I don’t want to interrupt their fun.”

Ryuunosuke went silent too, and they just continued to watch the children play for a while. He shut his eyes as he snuggled up a little closer to Asougi, simply enjoying the summer’s warmth and what he heard around him. The sound of Sayaka laughing. Ryuuzou whining and telling her she wasn’t playing fair. The sound of their footsteps trampling the grass and the dirt and the splash of water as they fired at each other. Asougi breathing, and laughing, and wrapping his arm around Ryuunosuke and stroking his back gently… he felt happy beyond words at it.

As the years passed, he often forgot about that long, long letter he had been sent. Now that it was over, and Asougi had lived and continued to do so, he rarely thought about it. But every once in awhile, bits and pieces of it would stick out in his mind. He would never forget how it started, and how it had sent a chill down his spine when he had read the words: Ryuu, in the future I’m living in, Kazuma Asougi is no longer with us. He is to die just a couple months before his 25^th birthday.

That line had stood out a lot to him, and he found himself dwelling on it every time Asougi’s birthday came and went. It really was such a young age to die. He hadn’t thought about it like that when he had first read it at twenty-three, but as he got older he couldn’t help but dwell on it. That other Asougi had been so young when he had died. There had been so much he had missed out on. He never got to see the law firm they had all created back in Japan. He had never gotten to defend a single person like he had dreamed of. He had never gotten to grow up and fall in love and start a family… he never even got to go home.

And to think this Asougi, the one sitting beside him right now, had been so close to becoming that person. On days like these, Ryuunosuke couldn’t help but rejoice at the fact that it hadn’t happened and Asougi was still with him. He knew to cherish Asougi every day. But on birthdays especially he remembered just how lucky he was to be able to celebrate it with him.

But today was an especially important milestone to him. It was Asougi’s fortieth birthday. He himself had turned forty just a few months ago. He remembered the letter telling him, It’s currently 1916. That date must be pretty hard to imagine, huh? In just a few months’ time, I’m going to be forty. Even now, I can hardly believe it.

As of now, he had outlived that future… or should he say, other self. He now had lived through just about everything he had. And he couldn’t help but think about what the past sixteen years would have been like without Asougi there with him. What must it have been like to work in the law firm Asougi had dreamed of making, but without him in it? What must it have been like to keep growing older, to move on and fall in love and have a family without getting to see Asougi do the same? He wondered if his other self even had a family, or even managed to fall in love with someone else. He hoped for his sake that he did; but knowing how sentimental and emotional he got, he was doubtful. At the very least, he hoped his other self was happy. He had said so in his letter, but he supposed there was no way of knowing. But he deserved to be happy.

Ryuunosuke wished he could find a way to thank him for all that he did. If it weren’t for him, this Asougi would have died tragically young, and he would’ve spent his life living with that horrible regret of being unable to save him. He wanted to thank him for giving him the best gift he could ask for; the ability to peek into the future and stop a tragedy before it even happened. He hoped that at this moment, whatever he was doing, his other self had found a way to live a happy life, knowing he had managed to help Asougi, even if he never got to see the end result of all he had done.

“Hey, Kazuma?” Ryuunosuke said abruptly.

“Yeah?”

“Happy birthday.”

“Uh… thanks? You’ve told me that about five times already.”

“I know that. I just like saying it, I guess.” He placed his hand upon Asougi’s, the cool metal of his wedding ring grazing against his warm hand. “I’m so glad you’re with me.”

“…You’re rather emotional, aren’t you?”

“I suppose so. But… I’m just glad I get to see today with you. I guess I always worried that something would happen and maybe I had messed something up or maybe you weren’t that happy with me or maybe I wasn’t helping enough or -”

Asougi cut him off by pulling him into a gentle hug.

“Relax, will you? You’re going to worry the kids.”

“S-sorry, Kazuma. You just mean a lot to me, you know? Having someone who so deeply cares about me, and who always has my best interests in mind is truly wonderful… and I can only hope I provide the same comfort to you.” He hugged Asougi tighter, burying his face against his chest. “You’re a wonderful lawyer, you’re an amazing husband, but above all else… you’re my best friend. I cherish everything about you. I hope you know that.”

“I do, I do… calm down, Ryuu.” Asougi said, gently stroking Ryuunosuke’s hair. Ryuunosuke finally willed himself to pull away from him, to let go of the warm body in front of him that proved he had succeeded and Asougi was okay. Whenever he hugged Asougi, sometimes a childish, worried part of him would fear that he was dreaming and that when he let go Asougi would be gone, never to return, just like he had feared on that night all those years ago now. But all he had to do was simply look ahead of him and see the smiling, lovely face of the man he loved, the man who had continued to live, day after day, year after year, when fate had planned otherwise. He had grown older and gotten to do so much and had thrived and for that, Ryuunosuke was thankful beyond words. Asougi’s smile had only grown more beautiful in the time that had passed, and Ryuunosuke still found himself mesmerized.

“I love you, Kazuma.”

“Yeah I know, you sentimental fool.” He laughed and gave Ryuunosuke a kiss. And Ryuunosuke realized that he was no longer afraid that this would be the last one. They had so much time left to spend together, and Ryuunosuke no longer feared that that might change soon.

The future was as bright as the summer sun that shone upon them, and he knew for certain that he and Asougi both had a place in it.