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the sun’s warmth was wrapped around jeongguk like a blanket, a pleasant end-of-summer temperature on his skin. the birds chirped songs high up in the trees, the empty swimming pool bathed in golden sunlight. the leaves rustled in the slight breeze, the sound calming to jeongguk’s ears. it was his nineteenth birthday: his coming of age. he felt happy, full, content, but also strange, nervous. he was an adult now: the final one of the friend group to become one, but wasn’t sure if he was ready for that yet. adulthood came with responsibilities, difficulties and challenges that he didn't know if he was ready to face. whenever he would think about it for too long, his stomach would tie itself in knots.
still, it was a day he wanted to celebrate. that’s what had brought him to the abandoned swimming pool. it was a place he and his friends had been meeting up at regularly in the summer. before then, they used to hang out in stationary freight trains, but they got busted by the police and the security around that place had been cranked up. so the pool in the middle of the forest had become their new hideout, their sanctuary. being there brought back memories from earlier that summer. namjoon had discovered the place during one of his long walks, and had investigated it thoroughly for security and other potential dangers before telling them about it. the weeks of not having a good place to hang out at had been strange, so everyone had been very excited. the day after namjoon’s walk, they immediately met up there to clean the place enough to hang out at. ever since then they had visited it often, spending the seemingly endless summer days together, laughing, talking, messing around.
jeongguk unpacked his backpack, putting the drinks and snacks he had bought in the shade. it wasn’t much, but he knew the others would bring more. he used his feet to clear the floor of leaves and rubble the best he could. they could sit down on the floor, on the mattress, or on the pool’s edge. namjoon or hoseok would bring their bluetooth speaker - they always did - and yoongi would declare himself in charge of the playlist. jimin and taehyung would whine about his choice of music, jin would scold them for it. that’s how it always went with them, and that’s how jeongguk liked it: their playful bickering, their smiles, the pleasant feeling that gently wrapped around his insides and seeped through his veins whenever he was with them.
figures appeared at the edge of the forest line, along with them loud conversations and laughter. jeongguk already knew it was them, and that brought a smile to his face. as they approached, he could see them more clearly. there was yoongi, always with the lighter - he didn't smoke as much as he used to, but he still smoked way too much for jeongguk's liking. there was namjoon, with his long legs and depressing conversation topics, jimin who always drank too much. there was also jin who couldn't stop pointing cameras at them, taehyung who always seemed a little bit distant, in his own world, and hoseok who always smiled, but not often with his eyes. they were all carrying backpacks or plastic convenience store bags, filled with their favorite snacks and cheap drinks.
“look who we have here!” jimin shouted playfully in jeongguk's direction. “I thought you weren't invited.”
hoseok jumped down from the pool’s edge, the others followed swiftly after him. he beamed as he made his way over to jeongguk, a shimmer in his eyes of pure fondness and pride. jeongguk subconsciously mimicked his smile. when hoseok hugged him, it was with so much warmth that it took him a little aback.
“happy birthday, jeongguk,” hoseok said softly into his hair.
more arms wrapped around them from all sides, and before they knew it everyone was jumping up and down in a group hug, shouting their birthday wishes enthusiastically. all jeongguk really knew how to do was smile, wide and stupid and utterly happy.
“we brought gifts!” taehyung announced cheerfully from somewhere behind jin.
jeongguk hadn't asked for anything, there was nothing he wanted and he knew most of his friends struggled financially, so he hadn't expected anything. but they all started opening their bags, taking out presents of different shapes and sizes: even yoongi and taehyung, who jeongguk knew must have been saving up for it. he was hit by a wave of emotion that rendered him speechless for a second.
“you guys really didn't have to,” he said softly when he found his voice back.
“yes we did,” yoongi said to him, and when they made eye contact jeongguk's heart stuttered. “it's your coming of age, jeongguk-ah. it has to include some special presents.”
his curiosity grew, so when hoseok thrusted his gift into jeongguk's chest, he wasted no time on opening it. as soon as he removed the wrapping paper, a box of condoms was revealed, and he understood what kind of 'special’ gifts yoongi meant. everyone laughed, namjoon had to cut jin off before he started a whole lecture on how to safely and properly use them. the others had mostly gotten him alcohol, jimin had made him a photo book with many of their memories together. jeongguk really appreciated all of it, and the thought and effort they had put into the gifts. it made him feel special and loved.
of course it didn't take long before the music started playing, bouncing back from the blue pool walls. and as expected, the opening of cheap beer cans soon followed. whenever they hung out, they never really needed time to get into a flow or atmosphere. it was always like this instantly. all they needed was each other’s company and a little bit of music to get the party started. it’s what jeongguk loved about being this way, with them, and maybe that was part of why he felt scared. scared to lose this, them, because all of them were slowly growing older, and with that maybe they would drift apart.
hoseok and jimin started dancing to the hip hop song that was playing, their skillful way of moving ever impressive. namjoon joined in, with his long, awkward limbs. it was a stark contrast next to the other two, but it didn’t matter, and he didn’t seem to care. yoongi watched with amusement. jin was - unsurprisingly - filming the scene. taehyung walked up to jeongguk and slung his skinny arm around his shoulders. jeongguk looked at all of their faces, eyes, smiles, dimples, and he felt so warm, content and safe. they were his friends, his brothers: all of them with their unique weaknesses, qualities and stories, and he cared about them so deeply.
“how are you feeling, jeongguk-ah?” taehyung asked with a fond smile playing around his lips. “you’re not a baby anymore now.”
jeongguk huffed, taehyung laughed.
“I don’t know,” jeongguk said. “I feel good, I think. but it’s strange, too.”
taehyung nodded. “yeah, it’s weird, isn’t it. sometimes I think back to last year, or the years before that, and I realize that in a way, we’re growing up together. especially when I look at you. I can’t wrap my head around the fact that you’re an adult now.”
jeongguk smiled. “me neither, really.”
they stood there for a moment, silently watching their friends dance and talk and laugh. then, taehyung pulled jeongguk onto the makeshift dance floor and soon, everybody joined in.
they danced for a long time, letting their bodies move freely to the music. everything started becoming pleasantly fuzzy when they opened a bottle of peach-flavored soju and started adding it to their beers. everyone was smiling, grinning and laughing at each other's dance moves. before jeongguk knew it, the sunset had started, painting the sky beautiful shades of orange and blue. namjoon, jin and yoongi had stopped dancing and were sitting with their backs against the pool walls, and because jeongguk was starting to get sweaty, he decided to join them.
jin and namjoon were wrapped up in a passionate discussion, but yoongi had probably decided to abandon the conversation a while ago, had instead started watching them in amusement. he smiled big and warm at jeongguk when he walked up to them. jeongguk could swear he felt his heart thump a little bit harder seeing that smile, but blamed it on the alcohol.
“hey, jeongguk-ah,” yoongi said. “having fun?”
jeongguk plopped down next to his friends with a huff. “yeah, definitely.” he smiled wide.
yoongi smiled back. “I’m glad to hear that.”
namjoon’s voice raised an entire octave in pitch, indicating his indignance. jeongguk looked at yoongi, raising his eyebrows. yoongi laughed and shook his head.
“don’t mind them,” he said. “the conversation stopped making sense about a minute in.”
it was quiet for a moment, both of them lost in their own thoughts.
“hyung?” jeongguk asked after a while.
yoongi turned to him expectantly. “yeah?”
“it feels… weird, turning nineteen.” he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say exactly, or what he wanted yoongi to say, but he knew yoongi was always there for him whenever he wanted to talk about his feelings, even if they didn’t make sense to himself. yoongi was the friend who he could talk to the easiest, most effortless. he never felt judged when he talked to him. even when he had opened up to him, vulnerable, yoongi had proven time and time again he was supportive and open-minded.
yoongi sighed. “yeah, it does, doesn’t it? I vividly remember my coming of age. I was depressed as hell that day.” he snickered at the memory.
“I’m not really depressed,” jeongguk said, trying to find the words to explain. “maybe I’m feeling something closer to… nostalgia? but also some sort of fear. I guess I just can’t really comprehend how my life is going to change now.”
yoongi nodded, contemplating the words. “things will definitely change. but a lot of things will stay the same, too. you’re still the youngest of the group. we’re still gonna hang out all the time. I know it’s weird and daunting and sometimes terrifying. but just… try not to worry too much. you’ll be fine, and we’ll be here to help you whenever you need, yeah?”
jeongguk smiled, warmth spreading through his chest. “thanks, hyung. it means a lot to me.”
“don’t mention it, jeongguk-ah. you might be nineteen now, but you’re still our little baby.”
yoongi smiled, jeongguk huffed.
yoongi started watching their dancing friends, a smile playing around his lips. jeongguk looked at his hyung, slowly tracing the outline of his face: the way his nose stuck out, the way his cheeks looked so soft and tempting to touch. his eyes were a little bit lidded - probably from the alcohol, jeongguk figured - and his lashes looked pretty and long. he realized that maybe it was a bit weird to stare, but he didn’t want to stop. he could stare at yoongi's face all day, all night, and be content doing just that.
it was something that had been going on for a while. jeongguk had felt safe and comfortable with yoongi for a very long time, but more recently, something had changed about the way he looked at his hyung. how he felt about him. jimin, ever the observer, had noticed and tried to talk to jeongguk about it. at the time, jeongguk felt strange, embarrassed. maybe it was because he knew something was going on, but he wasn’t ready to think about what it meant yet. so he had brushed it off, blushing, and jimin had let him off easy, but of course he hadn’t forgotten about it. so when jeongguk’s eyes finally moved from yoongi’s face to the makeshift dance floor, he made eye contact with jimin and received a knowing look from his older friend. for some reason, jeongguk wasn't all that bothered by it anymore. maybe it was because he was feeling so light and happy, or maybe it was because of the alcohol, but he didn't feel awkward or embarrassed under jimin's stare. so he just smiled, and shrugged, confirming nor denying anything.
but really, jimin had probably known how jeongguk felt even before jeongguk himself knew it. in the bright light of the day, things like this were often much too complicated for jeongguk to think about. but at night, under the moonlight, they always seemed a lot simpler. it was simply him and yoongi. yoongi's smile, yoongi’s warmth, yoongi's eyes, yoongi, yoongi, yoongi. there were thoughts he didn't allow himself to have, feelings he didn't want to acknowledge, but they were all screaming inside of him, urging to be released. they got louder everyday, every time they were together. and why not? why not entertain the thought of holding his hand, or running a finger along his cheek? how bad would the outcome really be?
when yoongi’s eyes found his, jeongguk's heart lurched, almost like a sort of panic, and his stomach swooped. yoongi gave him a funny look, asked him something, but jeongguk couldn't process it at all. and then, there was a sudden realization that felt like a slap in the face.
love. that’s what it was. the word sent a whole new thrill through jeongguk's body, made him feel excited, scared, powerful and small all at the same time. but more than anything it felt like the truth.
it wasn't the kind of love that jeongguk felt for his friends, for his family, or for things he enjoyed. for yoongi, it was different. a whole new type of love, an all-encompassing, warm, huge, scary kind of love. a stomach-swooping, head-spinning, fairytale-esque kind of love. he felt it in his guts, his skin, his bones, his fingertips. it was everywhere, making him feel like he was floating, like his entire body was made of light.
“hey, jeongguk-ah,” yoongi said, and this time jeongguk could hear him loud and clear. “listen to hyung when he speaks to you. what's up with you today?”
“nothing, hyung,” jeongguk said, with the biggest, goofiest smile on his face. he realized he probably looked a little bit insane, but he really didn't care. he felt giddy, happy, and his chest was surely about to explode with all these intense emotions inside of it. “nothing at all.”
yoongi huffed and smiled, cursed half-heartedly about his younger friend's behavior. when he got up and offered jeongguk a hand, they danced together, so close they could feel each other's body heat. jeongguk loved being around him like this: talking to him, dancing with him, laughing with him, even though he wanted to dance even closer to him, to be even closer to him, it made him so happy and content. and for now, jeongguk decided, that was enough. there was time for the rest later. and judging by the looks on jimin's face for the rest of the night, it would all turn out just fine.