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he’s not alright, though.
sungwoon isn’t okay, not in the most simple definition of the word, and daniel knows it as soon as he braves a glance at him.
(daniel hadn’t thought he’d actually come, rsvp or not, sungwoon had always run hot and cold at the drop of a hat, but he had, and it makes all the difference in the world).
the older looks smaller today, weak, tired, and the bags under his eyes are as dark as they were during hell week.
daniel thinks his heart breaks a little at the sight of sungwoon’s small smile.
seongwu cradles daniel’s face, touch gentle and tone moreso. “we don’t have to do this, you know.”
“what?” daniel snaps to attention, looking at seongwu with wide eyes.
seongwu says it simply, like a passing thought, but it weighs like a boulder on daniel’s shoulders. “you can go to him.”
daniel’s heart falls and a stab of guilt makes a home in the bottom of his stomach.
he’s marrying ong seongwu today, seongwu who is prince charming with his white tux and shiny black hair, but he’s staring at ha sungwoon—his ex who he walked out on years ago, his ex who wrote an x on rsvp, his ex who was a part of him not once, but twice.
seongwu smiles, and it’s bright and radiant, as warm as it always is, but there’s this tiny glimmer of sadness in his eyes that makes daniel heart ache. “if you still love him.”
daniel’s mouth goes dry.
the older catches the panic on his face, and he laughs, a low and raspy chuckle that runs right down daniel’s spine and makes his heart clench.
“do whatever you want to do.” seongwu’s voice is soft and soothing, like a lullaby to daniel’s anxious heart, but daniel can hear the finality in it. daniel doesn’t think he can look seongwu in the eye, not when seongwu is staring back at him with wide, patient eyes, not when seongwu slips his hand out from daniel’s hold, not when seongwu is understanding and so, so loving up until the end—not when seongwu is allowing him to run away from the altar . “it’s okay, niel ah.”
seongwu, the man who daniel loves, small smile on his lips, looking at him with eyes that say all there is in the world to say.
it’s okay if you love him more than you love me is what seongwu wants to say, daniel knows, but the words are too heavy to fall from his lips.
seongwu’s words play like a broken record in daniel’s ears.
“you can go to him.”
daniel glances to his right, stare pinned on the man he used to know like the back of his hand.
sungwoon, the man who daniel loved, a heart achingly familiar face in the mass of wedding guests.
“i love you, you know.”
sungwoon’s words echo in his head.
“i’ll always love you, i think.”
and maybe he still loves sungwoon—maybe he will always love sungwoon—, he loved sungwoon the first time, and maybe he loved him more the second time, and maybe the third time's a charm.
and maybe it’s not.
sometimes love can’t fix what is broken—not the vase that sungwoon ( yes , it was sungwoon) broke, not the promises that they made, not the connection that they shared—, sometimes love can’t move the tides and stretch strings of fate over two souls worlds apart, sometimes love can’t win.
sometimes love is what breaks the heart and ends chapters.
sometimes love doesn’t work out.
and sometimes, if you’re lucky enough, love does work out, and it’s a beautiful, wonderful thing.
he turns back to seongwu.
daniel looks at the older now, and he really looks at him, past his white suit and tie, past the lights and wedding decorations. daniel looks at seongwu, and the last two years (maybe it was more, maybe it was actually the six years that daniel has known seongwu) play before his eyes.
it’s past memories, but in some odd, roundabout way, it’s almost like daniel is looking into the future—years down the line when they can’t dance as hard or hike up to daniel’s favorite spot out in the outskirts of the city.
old or young, seongwu is the same in daniel’s eyes—seongwu with his beautiful smile, seongwu with his kind eyes, seongwu with his heart of gold, seongwu with his melodic laughter, seongwu who is understanding and warm despite time and fate playing tricks on the both of them.
seongwu who is good to him, seongwu who is good for him—seongwu who is everything that daniel has ever wanted.
seongwu who daniel loves more than anything.
sometimes love is a choice.
and daniel has long ago chosen to love seongwu.
maybe ha sungwoon will always be daniel’s past, but now, in this moment, it is ong seongwu who holds daniel’s heart.
(and god willing, seongwu will hold it near and dear until the day he takes his last breath).
“and miss out on marrying you?” nose scrunched up, daniel grins at the man in front of him. “i think i would rather die.”
seongwu rolls his eyes, but he glows like the morning sun, smile lazy but radiant. “then die.”
“i’m not going to let you go so easily.” the younger holds his chin high haughtily, lips stretched into the cute smile that he knows makes seongwu’s heart melt. he takes a hold of both of seongwu’s hands (and he doesn’t intend on letting go), “‘til death do us part, huh?”
“ if i still love you.” seongwu sing songs, laugh melodious and teasing, but daniel knows him—knows seongwu’s heart, knows that it belongs to him.
in a world of two, not minding the hundreds of eyes on them, daniel holds seongwu close and pinches his hip, “just say you will love me forever so i can say my vows and we can drive off into the sunset.”
the grin that dances on seongwu’s lips shines like the sun and the moon and all of the night stars, and daniel is more than happy to be blinded by its radiance. “i will love you forever, kang daniel.”
“i hope you will.” he sends a prayer up to the clouds and presses a kiss to seongwu’s forehead. “‘cause i think you could be the love of my life.”
the older groans and wrinkles his nose. “you’re so annoying.”
“you love me.”
seongwu snorts, “unfortunately.”
daniel thinks that if home was a sound, his would be seongwu’s laughter.
(under the sunshine of a saturday morning and falling flower petals, seongwu and daniel say “i do”, and sungwoon watches as his world comes crashing down.
through wedding bells and the loud claps and whistles of friends and family, sungwoon thinks he can just almost make out the sound of his heart breaking for the third time.
“you love him, don’t you?”
sungwoon startles and he jumps back on instinct, fists flying up.
(sungwoon’s attacker turns out not to be an attacker at all, but a tall and handsome man with fox like eyes and red ears).
“what?” sungwoon plays dumb, hoping that the panic on his face doesn’t make it too obvious—
the stranger laughs. “oh, you totally do.”
sungwoon’s eye twitches in annoyance.
he’s wallowing in self pity and heartache, and this annoying stranger just laughs at him, all wide smiles and squinted eyes.
sungwoon makes a face, waving the other away with his hand. “can you shut up?”
“oh, calm down.” the other grins and his shoulders move up and down in a nonchalant shrug. “i’m in the same boat.”
sungwoon arches a brow.
“me and seongwu dated for four years. it’s funny. i think i still have the engagement ring i was going to propose to him with.” the stranger cocks his head to the side and looks ahead, stare pinned on the laughing beauty opposite of daniel, lips pursed. “we almost got married, but today he’s marrying someone else.”
sungwoon snorts, “that’s tragic.”
the other cracks a smile, tearing his eyes away from the happy couple at the front of the room and looking at sungwoon. “tell me something i don’t know.”
he sticks out his hand. “i’m sungwoon.”
the stranger takes his hand, and something in sungwoon stirs.
“my name is hwang minhyun.”
sungwoon stretches his arms over his head, groaning at the exhausted state of his body and mind. he looks from the wedding decorations, to the flower girls, to his watch, to the man he loves, to minhyun, and he decides that he really wants a drink.
“do you want to skip the reception and go day drinking with me?”
minhyun grins. “hell yeah.”)
the saying goes ‘tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
and if you lose yourself, in loving too much, in falling out of love, in the “maybe”s, in the “sometime”s, you can always be found.
the sun shines, and the heavens continue to draw lines of fate.