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The diner has a rustic feeling about it and Sydney Katz chose to sit at a lonely table for one at the far end by the window. She is sending signal that she doesn’t want company that night, or rather, she is alone that night. “Alone doesn’t necessarily mean lonely,” she tries to soothe her heart out of its misery
People come and go, passing by the window and passing by her table but she is oblivious of them. She is so deep in thought; her mind floats away bringing her to an empty world where she is all alone. Then her mind all jumbles up and hops from one memory to another without proper pattern. She day dreams about the girl she falls hard for, about her ex-fiancé, about her family and about her life.
She stares aimlessly outside the window, her eyes misty, her mind floats to the stars above.
The bell at the door jingles telling there are new comers just entered in.
With absent mind she turns at the direction. Her heart gives a hard thud when she sees the group who just entered. The very girl she is dreaming about is one of them. Maggie. She hasn’t seen her in a while. Not after Maggie recovers from the bombing accident. She has been right there by Maggie’s side, helping her recover well every step of the way. And after Maggie comes back to work, Sydney feels she has to go somewhere else, because – well, she is feeling too attached to the girl.
Maggie; she is with some of her friends from the hospital, probably come for a good night out. They are laughing and teasing each other as they walk up to the bar asking for some drinks and food.
Sydney feels a jolt of jealousy hits her stomach at their happiness and cosiness with one another.
Sydney’s mind is clouded and blurry. She wishes she could just disappear from the place because if she leaves through that door they will notice her and she will have to acknowledge them. They are her ex-colleagues from the hospital after all. So she decides that she will just sit quietly, pretend to read a book and pretend that she didn’t see them.
But Sydney is too late.
While her friends make their orders, Maggie looks around to scan the diner’s other patrons. Her eyes stop moving when they meet Sydney’s looking directly at her. They stare at each other for a moment that feels like a long time. If the air around them comes in shapes, they would see buzzing electricity connecting the two pair of eyes.
Sydney sits very still in her seat with her hands fidgeting with her cup on the table. Her lips feel dry and her throat feels tight. She doesn’t know what to do next. Should she go to say hello to the group or just continue to enjoy her night alone. But Maggie already saw her. Finally Maggie looks away and says something to her friends.
Sydney exhales deep breath of relief and decides to finish up her coffee and leave. She can’t be in the same room with Maggie and her friends and not feeling jealous and miserable at the same time.
She’s about to call the waitress for the bill when a beautiful haunting sounded song from the jukebox starts to play. Sydney looks up at the direction of the sound and sees Maggie standing there by the jukebox. Apparently she has put that song on play.
I can see you over there
Starring at your drink
Watchin' that ice sink
All alone tonight
And chances are
You're sittin' here in this bar
'Cause he ain't gonna treat you right
Well, it's probably not my place
But I'm gonna say it anyway
'Cause you look like
You haven't felt the fire
Had a little fun
Hadn't had a smile in a little while
Baby
Maggie turns her head and locks her gaze with Sydney’s. Time stops. Maggie walks slowly towards Sydney before Sydney gets the chance to get away from her. Sydney feels intoxicated by Maggie’s gaze that in her head Maggie is waltzing all the way towards her.
Blue looks good on the sky
Looks good on that neon buzzin' on the wall
But darling, it don't match your eyes
I'm tellin' you
You don't need that guy
It's so black and white
He's stealin' your thunder
Baby, blue ain't your color
“I’d be lying if I say that I don’t care because I do care.” Maggie says softly, standing close to Sydney’s table, so close that her hip almost touches Sydney’s elbow.
Sydney looks up. Her eyes flutter a little, so is her heart.
Maggie pulls a chair and sits next to Sydney, making sure Sydney can feel her warm and hear her voice over the loud song.
I'm not tryna
Be another just
Pick you up
Kinda guy
Tryna drink you up
Tryna take you home
But I just don't understand
How another man
Can take your sun
And turn it ice cold
“You are too skinny,” Sydney says first to break the nervousness she is feeling.
“What, are you Jewish mothering me or ex-girlfriending me right now?” Maggie smirks and challenges Sydney in a mocking stare.
“I didn’t know we were exes.”
“We weren’t just friends either.”
“Fair enough.”
Their friendly banter slips in easily as if it was just yesterday that they walk through the hallways in the hospital together side by side.
They let the air settles around them before they start to talk about serious matter.
“My family shuns me, Maggie. They hurt me as much as I hurt them. They can’t have me around them and not looking at me like a sinner,” Sydney says after a while.
Sydney couldn’t look at Maggie but she continues, “I have to go away, as far as I can from them.”
“Where will you go?” Maggie asks.
“Tel Aviv,” Sydney answers short. “There is no reason to stay where I am not wanted.”
Maggie looks at her. She wants to say “I want you. I need you. Stay.” But she doesn’t. Meanwhile the song continues to play.
Well, I've had enough to drink
And it's makin'
Me think that I just might
Tell you if I were a painter I wouldn't change ya
I'd just paint you bright
Baby
Instead, Maggie asks “What is your plan there?”
“I’ve asks for a job in one hospital and they have a place for me.”
“Of course they will have a place for you; you are one in a million kind of doctor.”
Sydney huffs softly and looks sideways at Maggie.
“You are a great doctor Maggie.”
“I had a great teacher,” Maggie answers.
“Have, I’m not dead” Sydney chastises her jokingly.
“I might open myself to love…who knows, they might be someone for me out there,” Sydney adds. She is actually testing the water.
'Cause blue looks good on the sky
Looks good on that neon buzzin' on the wall
But darling, it don't match your eyes
I'm tellin' you
You don't need that guy
It's so black and white
He's stealin' your thunder
Baby, blue ain't your color
No no no
Maggie’s heart thuds hard. She takes a deep breath but careful not to be too obvious. She feels this harsh jealousy ripping violently at her heart.
“You have a girlfriend?” Maggie asks in a low voice, without looking at Sydney.
“Not really a girlfriend, just a prospect, to fill in the void, you know,” Sydney answers.
Maggie just nods, not sure how to take that in but her heart is telling her to act fast right here and now.
“What about us?” Maggie lets out finally.
Sydney stares at Maggie, dazed and puzzled at the same time.
“Us?”
“Yes..us.”
Blue ain't your colour baby
Blue looks good on the sky
Looks good on that neon buzzin' on the wall
But darling, it don't match your eyes
“Doesn’t anything that has happened between us mean anything to you? Because they meant a great deal to me,” Maggie says firmly.
I'm tellin' you
You don't need that guy
It's so black and white
He's stealin' your thunder
Baby, blue ain't your color
Sydney swallows thickly. Her heart race faster and the only thing that she can feel right now is excitement. She can’t believe her ears. This is as good as a relationship proposal from Maggie and it feels out of this world.
“They do mean a lot to me Maggie. You mean a lot to me. But I can’t expect you to change yourself to be with me. The world will look differently at you. Your family and friends might ridicule you. Yours was the case of sexual fluidity. Mine is a case of permanent identity. This is who I am. I was born this way. No matter how hard I tried to look the other way I always turn back to the way I truly am. The feeling is always there.”
Sydney says that in lengthy while clasping her hands together on the table.
Maggie comes closer towards Sydney, stroking her left cheek with the back of her right hand she whispers into Sydney’s ear.
“If I say that I love you…, that I’ve been in love with you for a long time…, that I need you.., that I feel miserable without you in my life…, will that be reasons good enough to make you stay?”
Blue ain't your color, umm mm
No, no baby
Call me baby
Let me light up your world
Sydney wants to say “those are the only reasons that I need.” But she can’t say it. She can’t drag Maggie into her complicated life.
So instead, Sydney says “You are the only almost that I’ve ever thought about. And I do think about you Maggie, a lot. This is really a once in a lifetime offer of love for me. And coming from you, that’s the only thing that I only dare to dream about. But I can’t. It’s not fair to you. I can’t be selfish. You have your whole life in front of you.”
Maggie feels disappointed and it shows in her eyes.
“Well, I can’t force someone to love me back, can I?”
Then Maggie leans in, cups Sydney’s face and kisses her lips long and slow, one last time, in full view of the other patrons.
“I owed you one.” Maggie says looking sadly into Sydney’s eyes.
Sydney feels her lips tremble. She smiles, but her expression mirrors that of Maggie’s hurts.
As Sydney is taking her leave she hugs Maggie one last time.
“I’ll fly the day after tomorrow,” Sydney says and turns to leave.
At the door, she turns one last time at Maggie, her eyes looking sad at Maggie who looks like her heart has just been ripped off her chest.
……………….
At home, Sydney sits in her living room looking around the apartment that she will vacate very soon. But mostly she thinks about Maggie, about what Maggie has said to her earlier. Her heart feels so burdened and heavy. What has she done?
Then she gets her hand phone and starts a message.
“Shalom Maggie,
You will always be my fantasy.
I can’t believe that I am letting you go.
You will always be the one for me.
Please forgive me.
I love you too,
Syd.
Only when she presses the send button, then only she feels the weight is lifted off her chest. Then only she can breathe calmly.
Half an hour later, there is a knock on her door.
Sydney wonders who that is. Through the glass hole she peeps and her heart leaps at the sight of her one and only beloved.
Sydney opens the door widely and Maggie crushed her in a tight embrace. Maggie showers Sydney with hot wet kisses that smell like cocktail all over Sydney’s face.
“I’ll stay….I’ll stay….,” is all Sydney can say , laughing as Maggie lowered her kisses along Sydney’s throat.
“You better..,” Maggie replies between kisses, “because if you don’t I’ll go after you wherever you decide to go.”