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Something to Live For part 11

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    "All right Lola, where are the jello shots?" asks James, coming through the front door.

    "James, how many times do I have to tell you this isn't that kind of party?" asks Shepard with a sigh.

    "Can't blame a guy for trying," he says, swiping the glass of champagne out of her hand. She just rolls her eyes and accepts the new glass I'm handing her. I owe her five creds for perfectly predicting that. He joins Traynor, Tali, Garrus, and Javik in the living room.

    "You could have waited for me to park the shuttle," says Cortez, coming in a moment later.

    "Eh, would have spoiled my entrance," responds James. So now we're just waiting on...

    "Sorry I'm late!" says Liara, rushing into the room. "I got caught up in a meeting." Shepard glares at me. Liara's entrance makes us even. I give Shepard a kiss and a smile before joining the rest of the team on the couches. We may be partners in everything else, but when it comes to her ship, I know my place. She's in charge, and just because I'm her fiance does not mean I'm her co-commander.

   "Thanks for coming everybody," she says, walking over to us from the door. She's made huge strides in the last few days, she's even doing well enough to walk mostly unassisted. However that doesn't mean I'm not watching her carefully as she navigates the few stairs down to the living room. "We're here tonight for two reasons. First, a farewell for Tali. Tali, you've been with me since the beginning, stayed by my side through thick and thin, and we're really going to miss having you aboard. To Tali," she says, raising her glass. 

    "To Tali!" comes the response before we all drink. 

    "Thank you, Shepard," says Tali. "I will miss each and every one of you. And please know that you are all welcome on Rannoch anytime."

    "The other reason," continues Shepard, "is that I have been made permanent captain of the Normandy."

    "Shepard, that's amazing! Congratulations," says Liara. I beam at Shepard. I am so damn proud of all she's accomplished. 

    "Thank you," she says with a grin. "I'm pretty excited about it. What this means is that the Normandy is no longer just a way to get to our next mission, she'll be doubling as our more permanent home. With that in mind, Hackett has offered to make any remodels we deem necessary before we pull her back out of drydock."

    "Glyph, pull up the blueprints to the Normandy SR-2," says Liara. A holographic model appears on the table. Shepard sits down in the recliner I placed there for her earlier and zooms in on the crew deck.

    "So, the plan for tonight is to have a few drinks, a few laughs, and decide on a few changes to the Normandy. She's as much your home as she is mine," she says.

    "What plans have already been made?" asks Javik. All eyes turn to me.

    "Come on, Alenko," says Garrus, "we all know you already have half of this planned out." Shepard smirks at me and I clear my throat.

    "Not half," I protest. "Just... a few initial changes. We're going to move the lounge to the starboard cargo hold on the engineering deck, Allers's old quarters. Then we'll add more crew bunks to the port observation deck where the lounge used to be, which gives every member of the crew a real bed. It eliminates the need for sleep pods, so we can rip those out."

    "Of course, those are the changes to make the ship more comfortable to the general crew. What I want to hear are your ideas on what you want for yourselves," adds Shepard.

    "Well, I bunk with the general crew, so thanks in advance for the beds. I hated sleeping standing up," starts Traynor. "But if I could change one thing about the Normandy it would be the showers. They're crap. The women's ones at least, I can't speak to the men's."

    "Not any better on our end," chimes in Cortez.

    "Glyph can you take notes?" asks Shepard. "I have a feeling Traynor will soon be too drunk to have them make any sense."

    "Of course, Commander," comes the robotic reply.

    "Fine by me," says Traynor. "That's license to have another drink."

    "While we're on the subject of communal space, can we do something about that kitchen?" says James. "The stove doesn't heat evenly, and the oven never bakes my cakes all the way through. Not to mention there's next to no counter space for prep work." All eyes turn his direction. "What? I like to cook."

    "Okay, updated kitchen along with the showers," says Shepard. "What else?"

    "Well, if I were staying on the Normandy, which I'm not," says Garrus hurriedly, "I'd like an actual room for myself instead of just the gun battery. Those human crew beds are far too short for me."

    "I agree," says Cortez. "There's no place in the cargo hold to stay. I'd like a room."

    "Not me," says James. "But I would like it if we could throw a bunk in the corner of my armory. I sleep down there on the crates most nights anyway."

    "So, where do we fit two extra bedrooms?" asks Liara.

    "You only need one, since Garrus will be on Rannoch with me. How about here?" says Tali, zooming in on the life support room.

    "That's a no go," says Shepard. "That room is being remade for guests."

    "Guests?" says Traynor, incredulously. "How many guests do we get on the Normandy?"

    "You want to tell a visiting Hackett he needs to bunk down with the crew?" counters Shepard.

    "I will," speaks up Javik. "A leader who is unwilling to bear the same conditions as his soldiers is no leader at all."

    "Does that mean you're staying aboard, Javik?" asks Liara. She seems almost... hopeful.

    "I have not yet decided. The Hanar worship me as a god, and have invited me to their home world. And I am still considering the job offer from the Wrex Krogan." Shepard looks up at me briefly.

    "Actually, Javik, we had some ideas for your space too," I say. "But first, anybody want a beer?" Hands go up around the table. "Garrus, give me a hand with them?" He follows me into the kitchen and I hand him a few bottles. "You really should tell Tali," I tell him. He sighs.

    "I know. But I don't want to lose her before I have to."

    "Your call," I say over my shoulder as I head back to the living room and distribute the beers. When Shepard reaches for hers I pull her out of the chair and take her seat before pulling her back down to sit on my lap. Bringing out the beers makes this no longer a CO's meeting, now it's just a bunch of friends having drinks. Completely acceptable to sit with her now. She gives me a quick kiss and takes a drink of her beer.

    "Where were we?" she asks. "Oh, right, Javik's room." She zooms in on the room on the engineering deck. "The idea is to put a bed here, and install fish tanks along this wall." Javik perks up.

    "Fish tanks?" he says, trying to act disinterested.

    "Yep," Shepard responds. "Filled with whatever kind of fish you want." Javik looks pleased.

    "You have given me a great deal to think on, Commander," he says.

    "Got him," I whisper in her ear. She gives a small nod of agreement.

    "What about those rooms on the crew deck?" asks Cortez. I lean forward and readjust the hologram.

    "We could use the starboard observation deck," I suggest. "I'll be in the captain's cabin with Shepard, so I won't need it anymore."

    "Great idea," says Liara. "We can extend the hallway to the hull and put one room on either side of it." She reworks the hologram while she's speaking, showing us what she means.

    "I like it," says Cortez.

    "Me too," adds Garrus. "Exactly what I want." I think I'm the only one to see Tali stiffen. She slowly turns her head to face Garrus. 

    "You're not coming back to Rannoch with me, are you Garrus?"



    The entire room goes silent. Everyone makes a concentrated effort not to look in their direction, even Javik, which is nigh on impossible with his four eyes. I wonder if declaring it's past Kaidan and I's bedtime and making a beeline to our room would help me here. Probably not. 

    "Of course I am, Tali!" protests Garrus. "I've made all the arrangements, canceled my lodgings, I'm leaving tomorrow with you."

    "But you're not staying, are you?" Garrus goes silent and looks away from her. "Are you?" she asks again, louder.

    "No," says Garrus softly. "I'm not. I'm sorry Tali, I'm just not made for life planetside." Garrus looks sad, but the vibe coming off Tali is one of shock.

    "Okay guys, I think that's enough for tonight," I say, breaking the silence. "If you have any other ideas, please send them to me." Everyone hastily says their goodbyes and flee the apartment en masse.

    "Why didn't you just tell me?" asks Tali quietly.

    "I didn't want to lose you," says Garrus.

    "I would have understood!" counters Tali, no longer quiet. "We could have spent the next six months together and been happy with it, instead of letting me plan out some happily ever after like some sort of child!" Garrus reaches out to touch her helmet.

    "Tali, I'm so-"

    "Don't," she says, getting up and taking a step away. "Just don't. I leave for Rannoch in the morning. You are no longer welcome to join me." She turns and leaves the apartment, not looking back.

    "Garrus, I'm so sorry," I say. He waves me off. 

    "We all knew it would come to this. I'm not a happily ever after kind of guy." Kaidan stands up with me in his arms before setting me back down in the recliner, dropping a kiss on my head and stepping away.

    "Since you canceled your lodgings you're going to need a place to stay," he says. "And we have more than enough bedrooms to go around. Let me go set up the upstairs one for you." Garrus attempts a smile.

    "Thank you, Kaidan. I appreciate it." Kaidan responds with a nod and heads upstairs.

    "Do you want to talk about it?" I ask. Garrus laughs bitterly.

    "What is there to say? Tali wants to build a life planetside, while I can't stay in the same place for more than a month without getting itchy. I guess I'm just not meant to settle down."

    "That's not true," I protest. "You don't have to give up your way of life to settle down. I mean, look at Kaidan and me." He laughs again.

    "Yes, let's have me look at you and Kaidan some more."

    "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" I ask, not feeling quite as friendly as I did a minute ago.

    "What it means, Shepard, is that since the moment I met the two of you I've wanted what Kaidan has."

    "I know what Kaidan and I have is rare, but it's not-"

    "You misunderstand, Shepard. I don't want what you and Kaidan have, I want what Kaidan has. He has you." I freeze. I feel like the definition of a deer in the headlights right now. "He has the only woman I've ever met that thinks traveling the galaxy on a warship while using mercs as target practice is settling down. You are what I want Shepard."

    "Garrus, I-" I start, though I have no idea what I'm going to say next. Luckily, he cuts me off.

    "I know, Shepard, I know. I just hope Kaidan knows what a lucky bastard he really is."

    "I do," comes Kaidan's voice from the foot of the stairs. I close my eyes and drop my head against the back of the recliner. Could this night get any more awkward? "Your room's ready," Kaidan says, walking towards us.

    "Uh, right. Thank you, Kaidan. Good night." 

    "Good night, Garrus," says Kaidan. He waits for Garrus to start up the stairs before leaning down next to me. "Okay babe, I know you've been trying the stairs on your own before bed, but how about tonight I just carry you up?" I give him a grateful, exhausted smile.

    "That sounds wonderful. Thank you, love." He smiles at me.

    "'Love.' I like that one." He scoops me up and heads up the other set of stairs. I get changed quickly and slip into bed, Kaidan right behind me. I wait until I feel the heat of his body curled around mine before I speak.

    "Kaidan, about Garrus..."

    "Angel, he's hardly the first man to admire you from afar. And as long as he keeps it 'afar' we won't have a problem." I smile though he can't see it.

    "Goodnight Kaidan." He presses a kiss to my temple.

    "Goodnight Angel."

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