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Catalina had been having a good day. Matilda had drawn her an adorable picture of some sort of creature with six eyes (Catalina refused to acknowledge the possibility that this drawing was based on an actual creature that had come from a summoning. She had too many nightmares as it is.). She seemed to have finally gotten the hang of all of the quirks of QuickBooks, her nemesis since she started taking over the administrative aspects of House Baylor Investigative Agency. And dinner tonight was breakfast for dinner. Arabella had made chocolate chip pancakes while Mom made perfectly cooked bacon. Things were looking good.
But then Arabella had to open her mouth in the middle of their meal. “So, Catalina, I saw Alessandro emailed you again. Are you finally going to take him up on his offer?”
“How do you know what was in my email?” Catalina responded, voice sounding a bit higher than normal. Her hand clenched around the fork she had frozen on her way to put a bite of pancake in her mouth.
“I was standing right by you when you signed in a couple weeks ago and saw it. You’ve been so busy with the Agency lately that we haven’t had as much sister bonding time, I have to get my dirt somehow!” Arabella said as she shrugged. “I worry that you aren’t having a life.”
“That is such an invasion of privacy,” Catalina said, sputtering. “Why can’t you ever just keep out of my business!”
“Wait, calm down everyone,” Mom said, her voice at a normal volume, clearly trying to keep things from ending in a screaming match. “Arabella, you know better than to go into Catalina’s email. If you want to know what is going on with her, you’ll just have to ask her yourself. Now apologize to your sister."
“Fine,” huffed Arabella. “I’m sorry for reading your emails.”
Catalina just shrugged, still upset with her sister and not wanting to let it go that easily, but also not wanting to continue fighting at the table. She knew Arabella did not mind sneaking around to find information, so in a way she blamed herself for this. Next time she knew to make a stronger password.
Grandma Frida took the awkward silence at the table to begin to explain the updates she was making on Romeo, her beloved tank which she was constantly modifying. Catalina ate mostly on auto-pilot, still upset about the invasion of her privacy. She nodded once in a while, but luckily she was not expected to contribute much to the topic at hand. The friendly argument over what type of missiles to add to Romeo ended as the last bits of food were eaten - Bern scoring the last bit of bacon to Leon’s dismay.
It was Catalina’s turn to wash dishes, and she had her the first few plates washed when Grandma Frida slipped up next to her, putting her arm around Catalina’s waist, allowing Catalina a whiff of the gunpowder and oil scent that always seemed to make her feel safe and at home.
“You know you never have to do anything just because Arabella pesters you about it,” she whispered, “but if you’re not going to email that handsome Italian boy back, can I get his email?” She looked up at Catalina, smiling brightly. “Let an old lady have a chance.”
Catalina laughed and put a wet hand around her Grandma’s shoulders. “I don’t think he’d be able to keep up with you grandma.”
Grandma Frida gave her a small squeeze to her waist and left the kitchen, insisting as she went that she was sure she’d have fun watching him try. Catalina just laughed and shook her head as she continued washing the remaining dishes. She finished as quick as she could - visions of pajamas and the latest Kate Daniels novel in her head.
She groaned internally as she saw that there was someone sitting outside her door. Even with just seeing the top of her head, Catalina knew it was Arabella. Anyone else would have waited for her to get to her room before coming up, only Arabella would wait just outside the door. Catalina shook her head lightly, thinking well, at least she stayed out of my room instead of barging in and rummaging through everything.
“Do you mind if I come in?” Arabella asked as Catalina made her way up the last few stairs.
“Well, I’m not entirely sure you’d listen if I said no so I might as well say yes,” she said, giving Arabella a slight smile so her sister knew that she wasn’t completely upset.
“I really am sorry for reading your emails. I shouldn’t have done it. They were just there and I was bored and thought I’d see what was in there. I promise I won’t do it again,” Arabella said as she took her favorite spot on top of a pile of pillows and spread Catalina’s super cozy blanket over herself.
“You better not do it again,” Catalina warned, “also, give me my blanket back. You have your own.”
“Ugh, fine. I swear yours is more comfortable. I did come up here to do more than apologize again though.”
“Oh?” Catalina asked as she dropped onto her bed and wrapped the blanket around herself.
“I really do think you should take Alessandro up on his offer to help,” she said. Catalina could feel herself trying to hide at this declaration. This topic had come up before, as she had to use her magic during various cases, or whenever Alessandro was mentioned on Herald. Of course Arabella would bring it up again after seeing his email.
“I know we’ve had this conversation before. I know what scares you. But you’ve been working hard your whole life to control and not use your magic. You’ve had to use it recently and I know it terrified you. I think working with him would help,” Arabella continued. “Can you just hear me out first? Then you can forget everything I said if you want.”
Catalina looked at her. Arabella looked unusually serious, no hint of joking on her face. She knew her sister was not going to drop this until Catalina at least listened to her. “Fine. I’ll hear you out. But then we won’t talk about it again, okay?”
“Okay!” Arabella agreed, settling into her throne of pillows. “I really think working with Alessandro would make some of your fears of using your ability go away. You need more actual practice using it. You’ve spent your entire life trying to hide it away and not use it - and for good reason of course, but now you have no practice in being able to use it as you need to when required. You’ve been really lucky so far in the times you’ve used it that nothing has gone wrong.”
“I know I’ve been lucky when I’ve used it - that’s why I try not to use it at all. Too many things could go wrong every time I try” responded her sister. She shuddered, remembering using her magic at Sturm’s compound. The shear number of people who fell under her spell, ready to do anything for her - and possibly to her if given the opportunity. She had nightmares often about what would have happened had Rogan’s team not evacuated her as soon as they did.
Arabella nodded, “I know you know that. But you’re a Prime Siren, Catalina. We have our own House and as you’ve seen, you're going to have to use your magic sometimes, even if you are reluctant to do so. You’ve practiced on me and Nevada and the boys, but we all know your ability doesn’t affect us. We have no idea if the theories we have been practicing actually work on anyone else. Alessandro would be the best way to test those out practically. We from your trial know that even when you’re trying your hardest to affect him that he can be easily snapped out of it if he gets under your spell as it were. Bern, Leon, me - we’d all be there to make sure he would not remain enraptured.”
Arabella paused for a breath. Catalina continued staring at the wall, not wanting to show how scared she felt. “I know you’re afraid you’re going to subconsciously use your magic on Alessandro when you’re not practicing. But Catalina, don’t you realize how good your control is? You’ve managed to make it through school, through planning and organizing Nevada’s wedding, through helping with cases and not use it at all except when the occasion required it. I don’t think you need to worry about that. Even if you did subconsciously use it on Alessandro, there’s no way it could be as strong as when you were purposefully using all of it at trials. If he could fight that, he must have the mental defense to be able to resist subconscious use.”
“Arabella, I’ve thought of that, I have. But I’m still afraid. When I first saw Alessandro in person, I wanted to wrap him in my magic. I wanted him to be as captivated with me as I was with him. I had never felt that way before and what if the next time I see him, I manage to affect him more?” Catalina asked, finally looking at her sister, displaying her desperation at the situation. “I feel like my interactions with everyone are going to be affected by it. I spent high school wondering if I earned my grades or if it’s because my teachers were hit by a bit of my magic. Did the boy who asked me to the dance actually like me for me, or because the magic made him? And it’s worse when it’s people I do care about. I find myself working even harder to make sure no magic escapes. It’s so tiring.”
“Oh Lina,” Arabella sighed and she got up and to hug her sister. “I know you’ll always wonder about that but you’ve also seen the side effects of what happens when you use your magic - the way people acted when you were little and couldn’t control it. That doesn’t happen anymore because you’ve gotten it under control. Your teachers wouldn’t have given you As because of your magic. They’d have tried to follow you home and take you away. The boys in your class would have ended up outside the house stalking you if they were affected by your magic. But I think this shows even more that having someone to practice with is important, so you begin to feel like you can contain your ability and use it only when and how you want.”
Catalina sat there, comforted by the arms around her. She sighed and shook her head. “I’ll think about it, okay, Bella? I promise.”
“That’s all I ask. Well, that and do you want to write up my history paper for me? It’s due tomorrow and I’m a bit behind on it” Arabella joked as she got up to leave the room.
Catalina laughed. “That’s not happening. I’m done with writing papers now. But you have fun. I’m going to shower and then finish the new Kate Daniels book.”
“Ohhhh!” exclaimed Arabella. “Finish it tonight so I can read it this weekend please!”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll try. Now get out so I can go shower,” Catalina ordered while shooing Arabella out the door.
“I’m going, I’m going!” Arabella said as she she headed down the stairs. “Oh, and Lina?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t forget that talking to Alessandro over the internet means your magic can't affect him anyways,” she said as she hit the bottom step and ran off.
“Arabella!” Catalina cried. As she shut her bedroom door, she could still hear Arabella laughing.
In the shower, Catalina couldn’t stop thinking about their conversation She went over Arabella’s points, and countered them with her own over and over in her head. She ended up sitting on her bed in her pajamas not even remembering how she got there, she was so focused on the internal argument she was having. She grabbed her book and settled in to read, hoping to be able to forget the dilemma for the night. But even Kate’s adventures weren’t enough to distract her.
She knew that her reluctance to do anything with Alessandro’s offer to help was based on her fear. She knew Arabella was right in that likely, her worries would come to nothing. But she had no idea how to get over them.
Catalina sat on her bed for a few moments, staring into space, book in hand. Maybe she just had to do one small thing. Maybe that would help. She remembered Arabella’s parting words - she couldn't affect someone unless they were physically present with her. She considered this, trying to gather inner strength. She finally set aside her book and picked up her laptop from the bedside table. She opened up her email and navigated to the message from Alessandro. She took a deep breath and clicked “Reply”.
Alessandro, I’m sorry for not responding sooner. I am happy to hear from you….”