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“Hi, Calvin! How was school?” Calvin’s mother said. “Oh, by the way, there’s a letter for Hobbes.”
“For Hobbes? Who’s it from?” asked Calvin.
“I don’t know,” replied his mother. “Looks like somebody put it into the letterbox by hand.”
After a cookie and a glass of milk, Calvin took the letter and Hobbes into his room.
“Who could be writing to you, Hobbes?” he asked.
“No idea. We’d better find out! Open it!”
Inside the envelope was a note on which was written in neat handwriting in fuchsia crayon:
Dear Hobbes,
You are cordially invited to a tea party at my house next Wednesday at 4 p.m.
Susie
RSVP
P.S. you may bring Calvin if you must.
“Ooh, I have a tea party invitation from a girl! Muchas smooches!” Hobbes said.
“Don’t tell me you’re really planning on going! Girls are gross!” said Calvin.
Hobbes stuck out his tongue at Calvin. “Well, you’re not really invited anyway. Stay home if you like; I’m going!”
“I will stay home; you can bet on that, you traitor!”
“Whom are you calling a traitor, you nincompoop?”
“I’m calling you a traitor, you flea-bitten sack of fur!”
“You take that back!”
“Never!”
Calvin punched Hobbes, who hit back, and soon they were both rolling on the ground. After an intense tussle, Calvin lay panting on the floor, while Hobbes dusted off his paws.
* * *
At dinner that evening, Calvin’s mother asked him, “So who was that letter from?”
“It was from Susie Derkins. She invited Hobbes to a tea party. Gross!”
“And are you going to go?”
“I’m certainly not going, but that mangy idiot wants to go.”
“Well, I can take Hobbes over if he wants to go. I’ve got a casserole dish of Mrs Derkins’s that I’ve been meaning to return for a while anyway. When is the tea party?”
“Next Wednesday at 4 p.m.”
“Well that’s settled, then.”
* * *
The following Wednesday, Calvin’s mother asked him, “So, are you sure you don’t want to go to Susie’s tea party?”
“I told you, I’d rather die than go anywhere near her! In fact, I probably would die if I went; I’m not current on my cootie shots. And besides, the invitation was only for Hobbes.”
“Well, suit yourself, darling. I’ll take Hobbes over for you, then.”
“Yes, get him out of the house! He drew moustaches on my Captain Steroid Issue 1 comic last night. It’ll serve him right to catch a cootie infection or get poisoned by some girl’s tea.”
I’ll never understand that boy, if I live to be a hundred years old! thought Calvin’s mother, as she put Hobbes into the bag with the casserole dish in it.
* * *
“Hello, Mrs Derkins! Thank you for lending me that casserole dish a few weeks ago when we had guests. I’m sorry I’m so late in returning it. I made sure to get it extra clean afterwards.”
“Don’t worry about it! I’m glad I could help you out. We only need it at Thanksgiving and Christmas, anyway.”
“Thanks again! Oh, and I’ve brought Hobbes over. Calvin said that Susie had invited him to a tea party?”
“Ah yes, Susie had been telling me she was planning a tea party! That’ll make her happy that Hobbes will join her. Isn’t Calvin coming?”
“No, he’d rather stay at home, but he sent Hobbes here with me.”
“All right then. Why don’t you bring him up to her? She’s upstairs in her room. Do you know the way?”
“Yes, I think so. Second door on the left, wasn’t it?”
“That’s right!”
* * *
“I’m so glad that you could come, Mr Hobbes! And you do look very elegant in that tie of yours. Would you like to sit here, between Binky Betsy and Mr Bun?”
“Thank you, Miss Susie, I’d be honoured!”
“Would you like some scones with clotted cream and jam together with your tea?”
“Oh, I’d be delighted! Yes, please! Just one to begin with, please.”
“Here you go, Mr Hobbes. I must say, you’re a very pleasant guest; much nicer than Mr Calvin.”
“Oh, let’s not talk about him here. Say, Miss Susie, that’s some lovely china you have! Wherever did you get it?”
“It’s so observant of you to notice! My parents brought it back to me from a trip to Europe once, when they visited Cornwall in the United Kingdom. That’s also where they got to know clotted cream.”
“I’m sorry, Miss Susie, I’ve never had scones with clotted cream and jam before. How do I make them?”
“The proper way, they said, is to cut open the scone and spread some strawberry jam on each half, then put a dollop of clotted cream on top. Some people put the clotted cream underneath, but the way I’ve heard it, proper clotted cream doesn’t have to hide underneath the jam. But if you want to, try it both ways and see which one you like best.”
“I think I’ll just follow your lead, Miss Susie.”
“Oh, and Mr Hobbes? Could you perhaps help Mr Bun with his scone, while I give Binky Betsy a hand?”
“I’d be delighted to!”
* * *
“Well, Mr Hobbes, that was a lovely tea party. I’m so glad you came!”
“Thank you very much for the invitation, Miss Susie! I had a lovely time with you, Binky Betsy, and Mr Bun, and I particularly enjoyed the conversation with you!”
“Well, you’re always welcome here. Shall I walk you home?”
“That would be lovely, Miss Susie. I would appreciate your company.”
* * *
Susie carried Hobbes back to Calvin’s house and rang the doorbell. After a brief wait, Calvin came and opened the door.
“Here’s your tiger back, Calvin! Thanks for letting me invite him to my tea party. He was a lovely guest!”
Calvin didn’t even look at Susie, but just snatched Hobbes out of her arms and slammed the door shut.
Susie sighed and turned around to go back home. Why did he have to ruin the end of a perfectly lovely evening? she thought. Stupid boys!
* * *
“What were you thinking, you fuzzball? Having tea with a girl?”
“Oh, it was lovely! And did you see how she hugged me all the way home? I think she likes me!”
“Bleccch!”
“You’re just jealous!”
“No, you’re out of your mind!”
Calvin’s mother interrupted them. “Stop shouting, dear! Anyway, it’s time for your bath now! You got yourself all dirty playing outside today.”
“You heard that? I had a great time by myself!”
“Calvin!”
“All right, Mom! I’m going!”
And he carried Hobbes up the stairs, with Hobbes still grinning.