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’Well… come on Longbottom, I’ve got some books that might interest you.’ said Mad Eye as he steadily grabbed Neville’s shoulders and steered him away in the direction of his office. Neville couldn’t believe what was happening to him – did Alastor Moody just invite him over for a cup of tea? Was the weathered wizard, whose face looked like a badly drawn landscape capable of showing some emotion? Was he actually soft underneath the stone like exterior?
Even if he was, he picked the worst possible moment to show it. All Neville wanted right now, was to be alone – to curl up in his bed and forget about the world for a moment. Everything around him felt like it was enveloped in fog. Nothing seemed to make sense. Why was all of this happening to him, all over again? He hadn’t thought about his parents in ages – not since a couple of days anyway – and he didn’t exactly want the whole class present when he did. He was always so careful, just like his grandma taught him, since the day he could talk: ‘Never a word about your parents Neville, not one’ Neville knew that eventually people would – and should – find out. But he wasn’t quite ready for that (and tried not to think about the fact that most likely never will). He never actually saw the effects of the Cruciatus Curse with his own eyes. Dreams didn’t count. Strangely it was almost the same as in his nightmares. But maybe it was not that much of a surprise – Neville often thought, that maybe in some weird, twisted way, his parents’ tortures affected him. That maybe he was not the way he was by default, but because of an Unforgivable Curse. So maybe when his grandmother shouted at him or worse, looked so so disappointed and silent, it wasn’t entirely his own fault. And just maybe he could still be loved despite it. Not that it made any difference – nobody could ever hate him and his defects as much as he did. Nobody could ever compete with one’s self-hatred after all – the universes cruel joke that proved itself painfully true time after time after time. But then again, at least he couldn’t be a bigger disappointment to anyone than he was to himself.
‘Longbottom, still with me?’ asked the professor while he ushered the blond boy in his office. Neville forced his mind to focus. This was not the ideal time to get lost in his own mind. Moody immediately started fussing around what seemed to be a kitchen counter and started making themselves some tea – so Neville had some time to take a good look around the room. He didn’t know what he was expecting. To say the least, the room was as weird – or even weirder – as his owner. Stuffed with sneakoscopes, Foe-Glasses and lie detectors that came in all shapes and sizes, it was one of the most peculiar places Neville ever saw. Mad Eye really did live up to his motto ‘constant vigilance!’, which he liked to shout jumping out of corners and most unexpected places at any given moment.
‘Come on, boy, take a seat’ placed Moody the tray on the table ‘How do you take it?’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘The tea, how do you take it?’ his piercing blue eye, looked at him like he could see Neville’s thoughts. Although he wouldn’t be surprised if it actually could.
‘Two sugars, please.’ his voice felt strangely small in the room.
Once both of them had a cup of steaming hot tea in front of them – although Neville decided, it was for the best if he didn’t drink from it -, Moody sat down on the opposite side of the table with a muffled grunt.
‘Do you understand why I had to do what I did during the lesson, Longbottom?’
‘I think so, sir.’ Neville was confused. Couldn’t they just simply move past the topic? As if it hadn’t done enough damage already,
‘Go on.’
‘I-in order to understand what’s waiting for us in the outside world’ he took a huge gulp ‘we have to experience things first hand. One can only understand why those curses are deemed ‘Unforgiveable’, when he sees the effects laid out directly in front of him.’
Moody studied his face for a moment ‘You are way smarter than you look, aren’t you boy? I thought so. With those parents of yours… They really were something else, weren’t they?’
Neville shifted his glance to the floor. ‘I wouldn’t know, would I.’ the words came out as merely a whisper.
‘No, you wouldn’t’ was that really pity in his eyes, or was Neville imagining things? ‘My point is Longbottom – and I’m sure that Dumbledore agrees with me – we live in a time of war. Or at least we will soon. And from my point of view, however tragic this may sound, the people, who will fight in it, should not be kept in obscurity. Yes, things will get dark soon, and yes, only the mere thought of it is terrifying, but pretending as if nothing happened, won’t do anyone any good. What we need is not a government, that fails – or more accurately refuses - to see the whole picture, but people with quick wands, and even quicker minds. The fight starts right here and right now, with you and your friends. Maybe you don’t realize yet, but our future is in your hands.’ Mad Eye sighed ‘What I’m really trying to say here Longbottom, is that I am sorry that you had to see, what you saw today. But eventually you will have to face your past, and better to start now, than later, eh?’
‘It’s okay, Professor.’ he just felt so awfully small right now
‘You know, Frank and Alice – your parents – were extraordinary wizards. And what happened to them, was worse than anyone could imagine. But you have to understand. If we don’t take matters in our hands, history will repeat itself. I failed to protect my people back then, Longbottom, and I won’t – can’t - let that happen again. And don’t think for a moment that I don’t know what people are saying about me. That I’m just a senile old man, no longer fit to hold a wand. That my methods are way too extreme and cruel, any I’m no way fit to teach children - and they may be right. But if there’s one thing I believe in, it’s that in times like this people need to be prepared for what’s coming. No matter the circumstances. Do you understand? Can you, at all?’
‘My generation will die on battlefields, Professor, whether we want it or not. Believe me, I – we – understand more than you ever will. You choose to fight for the cause you thought worth defending – have you got any idea, what’s it like, to be born into a war and have no choice, but bleed for it?’ Neville sounded more resigned, than anything. His throat started to feel sore from all the emotion he kept pushing back down.
The silence lingered between them. Mad Eye gave him one long, last look, then stood up from his chair and started shuffling between his books.
‘So, I’ve heard you have quite the talent for Herbology? I think I have just the book for you. Might come in handy some time.’
Then, without further comment, he handed Neville a copy of Magical Mediterranean Water-Plants and Their Properties. Neville felt quite taken aback – he was looking for this book for ages.
‘Thank you, Professor. I appreciate it, really.’
‘Hmm’ Moody turned his back at him and started packing away the tray on the table, giving an approving nod, when he saw Neville didn’t take a sip from his tea. Guessing, it was his cue to leave, he started walking to the door.
‘Oh, and Longbottom, one more thing.’
‘Yes, Professor?’
‘Your parents would be so proud.’