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Dejan was now just getting frustrated by Šime. Every time the same story. Šime was always the one scared. He was just scared of getting exposed, of being naked to the whole world. He was too scared to even accept it himself, the fact that he is clearly gay, and Dejan helped with it. But each time the National break was over and Šime went back to Milano, to Matea and Bruno he starts ignoring Dejan or just answering dryly like nothing never happens. Dejan was used to it, he could go over everything for Šime, but he was frustrated with the fact that he was just unable to tell his wife. He couldn’t understand. Maybe because he was in such a different position. His wife was there just for kids, and Šime loved Matea, at least he was telling himself he did. But he was always catching himself counting days until the start of National break. And his friends realized, how grumpy and sad he looks in Milano and as soon as steps foot in Croatia and “gets rid of Matea” he just glows up. Dejan never confronted him about it, because he knew how much it hurt Šime to even think about leaving Matea and Bruno, but he will have to at one point because this was just getting bad for him and his mental health.
Dejan was in his hotel room, sitting alone, waiting for Šime to come with the rest of the stuff that he left in the hotel lobby, He was thinking about telling him something, about maybe even giving him an ultimatum, he was tired of sharing him with Matea, he was tired of seeing him so sad while they are away and seeing how shy he gets when he is in Milano. He was patiently waiting and thinking. “Hey I got us some donuts, Ivan gave them to me because he didn’t like them, I also brought coffee, and…”. Šime didn’t finish a sentence and Dejan’s lips were already on his and they were kissing, Šime was clenching a paper bag with donuts and coffee in one hand and the bag in the other. The kiss was so sudden and hard, just like Šime liked it. He felt Dejan’s hands grabbing him by the waist and then he released the kiss. The taller man looked at Šime with a gaze full of love, he just wanted to look at him all the time. He kissed his nose at which Šime smirked and softly touched Dejan’s. Those small moments that were not intended or were basically improvised were both of their favorite. Šime loved being like that, spontaneous. Dejan took the paper bag out of his hands and took one of the donuts out. “They are actually so good, what is Ivan talking about?” Dejan said while chewing. Šime left his bag under the bag and sat down next to Dejan. He was looking at him while his eyes were literally glowing. Dejan put the donut down and took Šime’s hands in his. “Šime we have to talk. I know this sounds like every dumb movie, but we really do.” Šime looked confused at Dejan and let him speak again. “You can’t go on like this. I see you are breaking from inside out. Šime look at yourself. You are glowing out of happiness and as soon as you go home to your wife and son you look like death, bags under your eyes get deeper and you just look done with everything. You can’t continue like that. It’s not good for you.” Šime’s eyes started to water, he looked at their intertwined fingers and he felt a tear drop on his hand. “Sometimes, who am I lying to, every day, I think about you, just you, but leaving Matea, I can’t do that to her and the child…” “Šime, I don’t want to be used as your sex doll, or as a person you come to when you get lonely, Šime I love you so much and I can’t see you being torn between us, I know it’s hard, but you’ll have to choose.” Šime pulled his hands out of Dejan’s grip. He stood up and just stared at Dejan. “How can I choose, tell me, how? It will cause chaos, if I just leave her without any reason, I can’t tell people I am gay, and you can’t either.” Dejan was getting furious, sometimes Šime really got on his nerves. “I know Šime, but you can tell Matea the love is gone and you wouldn’t be lying.” “But, but if I would? What if I still love her?” Dejan’s eyes got huge, he stood up now and stepped back. “If you still love her than you should go to her, go to her when you need someone who will listen to you, someone who will kiss you, hold you or even… or even fuck you.” Šime opened his eyes in shock. Dejan was furious, he didn’t like being played and it seemed like Šime was doing just that. “Šime, I know this is fucking hard, I know it is, I see how you are, but I just can’t share you. You know how much I care about you and how protective and possessive I am. How do you think I can just look at her when I see all of the pictures of her touching you, or even worse, you touching her?” Šime broke down, he fell on the floor and he felt the salty tears all down to his chest. “Sometimes I think about leaving you both. Maybe my life would be easier, if I would be alone.” Šime was talking, but Dejan barely understood him. He was talking trough sobs and tears and Dejan just stood next to him looking at him. He wanted to run to him as soon as he saw the first tears in his eyes, but he knew he had to stay strong. “Maybe you should. I’ll leave you here, to think about everything, to sleep through the night and then we will see each other tomorrow on the training so we will talk it through.” Dejan took his bag and wanted to leave, but he heard Šime’s soft voice behind him. It was loud enough just for Dejan to hear him. “Please stay.” Dejan wanted to continue walking, but he felt something was forcing him to stay. Maybe it was the trembling of Šime’s voice or maybe it was just a thought that Šime might do something to himself if he leaves, but some force was there and he was letting it take over him. The last straw that made him stay was a touch he felt on his hand. A soft, small touch he felt which made him turn around. Šime was just standing there, touching Dejan’s hand and staring into the floor. His eyes were red and puffy and tears were still coming out of them. Dejan fully turned around now, throwing his bag on the floor and basically rescuing Šime with his hug. He felt it all through that one, small, fragile touch. He felt all of the emotions Šime felt and he couldn’t just go. “I’m here.” Hearing those words Šime slowly melted into Dejan’s hug. “I’m sorry for all of this. I know it’s hard, I just want you to think about it .” Šime slowly nodded while pushing his head into Dejan’s strong chest. “I’m sorry for even thinking about choosing Matea over you. I am sorry for all of these complications.” Dejan hugged him even tighter and just made him stop talking. He lifted his head and stroked Šime’s tangled hair, his face, down to his shoulders. Šime got tingles up his spine which made him arch a bit. It made Dejan laugh a bit but he kissed Šime and this time it lasted way longer. He pushed his tongue through Šime’s teeth and searched for the other tongue. It made Šime smile and at this point they were just smiling in their kisses. Dejan pulled Šime up and they sat on the bed. After few seconds they just laid down. And they were just there, existing, hugging and cuddling. “Isn’t this like some kind of a movie’ You get to be director and see how it will progress.” Šime smiled at that and nodded. “I get it. But I don’t agree, at least not completely. I feel like there is so much we just don’t know about. Think about it, all of the parallel universes that exist and we just don’t know about them.” Dejan turned his head towards Šime. “Your imagination is wild.” “No, but for real, think about it, think about how many Dejans and Šimes are lying like we are, in some other parallel universe, but the carpet is a different color.” Dejan started smiling and laughing at Šime. “So white instead of black carpet?” “Yeah… but every time I think about it, it makes me feel some weird kind of way, I get freaked out by it.” Minutes passed and they just laid there, completely silent. “You are so fucking hot, you know that right?” Dejan rolled his eyes and turned around. “Šime smiled and started undressing his shirt. “Hey, hey. Stop.” Šime stopped, a bit confused why is Dejan refusing sex. “That’s my job.” Dejan took his shirt of and then undressed Šime. At this point Šime didn’t even care if they have sex or if Dejan is just teasing him, because he enjoyed it. He enjoyed Dejan on him and he wanted to capture that moment forever. Dejan started kissing Šime on the nose, which was one of Šime’s favorite things. He stopped for a second and then started going down to his chest and abs. He started sucking on his neck, leaving a dozen of hickeys on each side of it, which made Šime moan from pleasure. He continued to his chest where he just kissed Šime’s cross as softly as he could. He kissed every inch of Šime’s body, but he didn’t get down to it. He didn’t even undress his underwear. And Šime understood, he understood this night was just too emotional for both of them. But Šime always hoped, and just as his hopes were dying, Dejan started kissing the line of his underwear, he started taking them off with his teeth, which made Šime even more hard. After he pulled his underwear off, he went up again to kiss Šime once again before getting down to it.
They laid on the bed in the puddle of their sweat. Their legs were tangled together under the soft hotel sheets. Dejan was stroking Šime’s thigh with one hand while he had the other hand around his waist. Šime felt the bad thoughts pilling up again. As much as he didn’t want to speak, the words just started falling out: “Maybe I should just go?” Dejan looked at Šime totally confused and said: “Why?” “I don’t want you to lose your time here and feel like you have to look after me.” “I am not looking after you, you bastard, but what if I am? Is that wrong?” Šime closed his eyes and said: “No, but I don’t want you to feel bad for me.” Dejan put his hand around Šime and said: “It’s okay, what is this now again?” Šime turned around, facing Dejan. “I know this isn’t going to work, and that’s why I’m scared to leave Matea. I’ll just hurt you and we’ll hate each other. It’s pointless.” Dejan prompted himself on his hand, still looking at Šime directly in his eyes. “No. You have no idea how this will work out. And neither do I. Maybe we’ll get killed tomorrow and this is just a waste of time.” Šime saw small tears in the corners of Dejan’s eyes. Šime was still looking unsure and he was trying to avoid Dejan’s look. “Listen, let’s play a game.” Šime’s eyes met Dejan’s. He listened carefully at what Dejan will say. Game? What is he talking about. “So it goes like this.” Dejan again laid next to Šime once again and they were just staring into each other. “The only thing we need to worry about, is the next minute.” Šime nodded. “So are you in?” “Yes.” Šime confirmed it, while avoiding Dejan’s stare again. “So what are we going to do this minute?” Dejan lifted Šime’s chin and looked at him. “In this moment we’ll kiss