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When Matt graduated, he was ready.
It was a long time coming, between freshman year and now. But he was ready .
He was a solid officer, his gpa has him labeled borderline brilliant. So what if he was still a little shrimpy in the muscle department? He’d worked on his brain, he can work on his body while out in space, on his super awesome “I am literally more qualified than you in every way” mission.
He was going to do it. He was going to tell Takashi Shirogane how he felt.
And sure, maybe it was bad timing to do it before they were slated to spend a year in space together, but it would have been worse not to okay?
Matt couldn’t imagine how he’d function if he went up there with Takashi friggen Shirogane and had to pretend he wasn’t hopelessly pining after the goddamn Greek god. Asian?? God??? Fucking. Matt should have looked into some Japanese gods so he could make better analogies, use proper names, something . Amaterasu or whatever (that was the sun god...ess...lady...something, right??) didn’t hold a candle to the beacon of light that was Captain Wonderful himself.
But that wasn’t the point.
The point was, Shiro was his upperclassmen, his superior by a few years and he was this amazing beautiful pilot and they were going to be stuck in space together and gosh darn it if Matt wasn’t going to tell him how he felt before lift off. At least give them both the opportunity to jump ship before they ended up in tension filled hell for all time (because that’s what it would feel like, Matt was sure.)
So he wrote up his letter, not sure if he was going to use it or recite it by memory, fixed his hair and dressed as nicely as possible in a pair of dark slacks and a nice teal button down, something to bring out the amber in his eyes, and set off.
He’d expected to find Shiro packing, or working out (god help him if that had been the case) but he didn’t.
Instead he found his upperclassman, now his superior officer in a way, sitting outside of the officers lounge staring into space in a way that Matt wasn’t sure he altogether enjoyed.
“Shiro...?”
Shiro glanced up at the sound but his eyes lacked the sort of focus they normally did, “Matt? Hey... you’re... you’re here early.”
Matt nodded shyly, taking a seat next to Shiro on the bench, “Yeah I just. Uhm. I wanted to see you but... is everything okay?”
Shiro nodded but his eyes darted to the ground.
Matt grimaced, “Why aren’t you telling me the truth Shiro? You know, we’re gonna be in space together for like a year. You’re gonna have to learn to stop lying to me.”
Shiro spared him a millisecond of a microsmile before shrugging, “Sorry. It’s no big deal, Matt. I promise.”
Matt growled deep in his throat before turning and pushing Shiro back into the bench by his shoulder, “Still lying, Shiro.”
At that the older boy smiled for just a second longer before sighing deeply, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“Tell me what’s wrong,” Matt said sternly. He was aware of the fact he actually had no authority over Shiro. But he also knew that Shiro did actually have a soft spot for him and that meant they were friends and if they were friends then gosh darn it Matt was going to help him through whatever the hell was going on.
Honestly, in the face of Shiro looking so lost, Matt almost forgot what he’d come there for.
And that was just fine. Shiro’s feelings were far more important.
“Remember how there was a lot of.... resistance, letting me on this mission?” Shiro leaned back, not pulling his arm out of Matt’s grasp.
He didn’t really elaborate but at that point Matt knew, “It’s Adam, isn’t it?”
Shiro sighed even deeper than last time, “I know it’s been more than a few months now but... he’s been with me for everything. School, physicals, hell I can’t even remember the last time I went home for the holidays without him. And I think— I think I saw him getting coffee with that.. that corporal from the mechanical sciences sector...!” He grit his teeth and Matt watched him clench and unclench his fist.
Matt was pretty certain said corporal was engaged to a florist in town and that the coffee must have been purely harmless. In fact, if Matt’s sources were correct, Adam had gone on one date about two months ago, hated every second of it, and had a not so private heart broken anxiety attack in the officers lounge. Matt held no love for Adam (honestly, considering Matt had a crush almost as long as their relationship, this wasn’t abnormal.) but he had to feel a little bad for him when his father told the story later.
“It’s astounding he’s handling it as well as he is you know, especially since Shiro is still going after all.”
Matt held no love for Adam. But Adam most certainly still loved Shiro and Shiro still probably loved him and damn it if that wasn’t reason enough Matt should just keep his mouth shut.
Sure, it'd been months. Sure, Matt had been holding back his feelings for some five years. Sure Adam broke up with Shiro and it wasn’t like Shiro...
Matt didn’t sigh; it would have alerted Shiro to his own discomfort and he wasn’t here for that. Instead he stretched his smile just a little thin and wrapped an arm consolingly over Shiro’s shoulders, “Hey. I’m sure it was harmless. If you two are meant to be you’ll find your way to each other again.”
He was sure of it.
Fate was fate. You couldn’t fight that. And if fate would have it that this mission was what Shiro needed to move past Adam, maybe see someone like Matt in a different light then so be it.
Matt… Matt could wait. He’d certainly waited quite a while, he could wait just a bit longer.
….just a bit, anyway.
…
When Shiro throws him to the ground demanding blood he already knows why.
He’s terrified regardless, as that’s what he’s been for months (weeks?) since being captured by the Galra (was that what they were called?) He was terrified when his father was taken away. He was terrified when they were dragged off Kerberos. He was terrified when their bloody ship took off.
And being pinned to the ground while his commanding officer growled, demanding to take his place his bones trembled with fear.
Shiro was going to die.
Shiro was going to die and stupid pathetic weak ass Matthew Holt still hadn’t told him how he felt.
He reached out for him as the Galra soldiers dragged him away, off to fight in the arena, but his voice died in his throat. No sound came out and his fingers closed around nothing.
He was gone.
He was gone and he would never know how much Matt had adored him. How much Matt had valued him and wanted to—
How Matt wished he could have been the brave one, the courageous one, fighting to take Shiro’s place. So that Matt might die where Shiro could live.
(But there was Pidge. And he had to find his father. And— but damn it. Damn it, why did that mean Shiro had to suffer instead?!)
Yet after some hours in the darkness of a jail cell (hours…? Maybe days…) the doors opened and there he was.
A bit worse for wear, a large gash through his perfectly beautiful nose, but alive.
Takashi Shirogane, deteriorative muscle disease and all, had gone against alien warriors in an alien arena (to save Matt’s life) and won.
And now here he was, returned to Matt’s side.
At the sight of him Matt had pushed his way to the front of the cell, to catch his weakened captain in his arms.
He’d stumbled due to the wound on his leg, courtesy of Shiro’s fully devoting himself to the act of vicious fighter, but he’d managed to cushion Shiro’s fall as he was unceremoniously dumped into the cell.
He was exhausted, bruised and bleeding from a number of areas but still, he was Shiro. Immaculate. Protective. Strong.
Matt couldn’t help but wrap his arms around Shiro’s wide shoulders, holding him against his chest and whispering sweet nothings.
Occasionally he’d mumble about how stupid he’d been to take his place, that he wasn’t worth Shiro’s sacrifice.
Around the third time he’d gotten to that point in his private mumbling the light had started to return to Shiro’s eyes and he’d reached up to cover Matt’s hands with his own.
“I would do it a thousand times if it meant keeping you safe Matt.”
Matt growled at him.
“It looks worse than it is.”
Matt wanted to scream.
“It’s okay. It’s not a big deal.”
Matt did, his knuckles going white as he maybe dug his fingers too tightly into Shiro’s shirt and cried into the top of his head, “You could have died! You almost died! You—“
Shiro’s arm went up around Matt’s back to try and soothe him, because that’s just who Captain Wonderful was, “I almost die all the time Matt… you… you still have a chance. And a family. It’s okay.”
A few of the nearby captive aliens had started to push further into the room to give them space. Humans were weird emotional and loud creatures and the broad one surviving the arena must have meant they were some manner of formidable too. Jokes on them, Matt could do a whopping total of three and a half push ups before his muscles started to weep.
But in just that moment, Matt was formidable. He was loud and emotional and damn near could have killed Takashi Shirogane all on his own.
“Not for me. ” Matt hissed, holding Shiro’s chin in his hands, glaring directly into his eyes, hoping he looked half as menacing as the blood boiling under his skin.
Shiro’s eyes were surprised, but still soft.
Still soft and still defiant.
“That’s true. I don’t do it for you.” Shiro said, cracking a knowing smile that was no doubt about to piss Matt right the hell off, “I do it for me. How could I live with myself if anything happened to you?”
“You’re a piece of shit, Shiro.” Matt replied without thinking. Just too frustrated for his brain to function beyond his worry and irritation and screaming relief that Shiro was at the very least still alive.
Shiro breathed in, long, deep, absolutely exhausted and Matt had to remind himself now wasn’t the time to be angry, least of all with Shiro. God knew how much time they had left.
He needed to cherish every minute. Fucken aliens had definitely thrown him for a loop, just set fire to all the plans Matt had carefully made regarding his relationship with Shiro. (Sure he wanted to meet an Alien, but not like this?!)
He leaned his head down against Shiro’s forehead simply because he had no energy left to hold it up and Shiro chuckled, “yeah well… you love me anyway.”
Matt’s eyes shot open, not having realized they’d shut, and he glanced down at Shiro who simply turned his head and made himself comfortable against Matt’s warmth. It was like he was prepared to sleep right there on the floor. (Matt hadn’t slept since they were captured. But he guessed Shiro needed it more.)
As Shiro’s breathing evened out, Matt allowed himself a miserable smile because of course he knew.
…
It wasn’t long after that Matt was moved to a separate cell. The Galra had figured out Shiro was more likely to put on a better show if he didn’t know if Matt was safe.
On the one hand, it was hell for Shiro.
On the other hand, Matt was alone in a small dark cell knowing he was being used as a pawn, knowing Shiro was suffering all the more for him. Knowing--… knowing…
He had no way of knowing when would be the last time Shiro would make it down the hall outside. When would be the last time he’d hear Shiro shout back to him that he was still okay.
He could only last so much longer. Shiro was fighting violent alien warriors. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. Shiro deserved better.
Matt curled up on the floor in the darkness of his cell and wore down his nails scratching into the floor.
He didn’t know how long he sat there. Eventually he moved to lay on his side.his hair was getting longer…
What was he going to do?
How could he get out of there? Save Shiro. Save his father. Get home to his mother and sister.
If he was the hero of this story he’d have some kind of sense, some kind of secret strength that would give him the advantage he needed to get off this alien warship.
But he didn’t. He didn’t have anything. A lot of good a big genius brain did when you were locked in a small black empty room. There was nothing he could work with, nothing he could see beyond the shadows creeping around just beyond his door.
Shiro was the hero of this story and he was going to get himself killed trying to keep Matt out of harms way.
What had any of them done to deserve… God, Matt hated the dark like this.
Suddenly, as if answering his prayers, two pillars on either corner of his room lit up. He’d only seen them on the first time Shiro had been brought by, to show him Matt was alive.
“Shiro?” There was a lot more hope in that statement than Matt had intended.
Hope… didn’t have a place here.
Then the cell door opened, “Yeah, just toss him in here for now, it might give him some incentive.”
It took Matt a moment for his eyes to adjust but he was stumbling forward just as he had that first night. Shiro was larger than he’d remembered. His breathing was a little more labored. His hands latched on to Matt’s shoulders and his face buried into his chest. It made the Galra soldiers chuckle somewhat.
At least, that’s what it sounded like.
“Use your time wisely lovebirds.”
Matt didn’t even hear them if he was honest. The door shut and the lights stayed on allowing Matt to take in how haggard Shiro looked.
Tears welled in his eyes and he was about to bury his face into the top of Shiro’s head, wrap his arms around his shoulders and squeeze, try to push all his worries and fears far away.
But Shiro’s breathing slowed to sensible and his body stopped trembling. Matt didn’t even have the moment to register, to ask what was going on before he stood at his full height, wrapped Matt in his arms and squeezed him in a hug so strong it lifted him right off his feet.
“Thank god that worked!” Shiro said, his voice muffled in Matt’s small chest, “I figured you had to be going mad in here by yourself, and I—” He let him down and pulled away just enough to look Matt in the face, a small weary smile on his lips, “I’m so glad you’re okay…” He held up a hand to wipe Matt’s cheek, a wetness there he hadn’t been previously aware of.
Matt was understandably confused.
Also, was Shiro’s hair white?
Shiro’s smile grew warmer and he slowly pulled Matt back in for a softer embrace, this time laying his head on Matt’s shoulders, so it would be easier to understand him.
“I pretended this last match took more out of me than it did… hoping that maybe… they’d let me stay here, with you, this time.”
That one he couldn’t ignore. It made his heart pang painfully in his chest. That stupid smile on his face just made his chest ache miserably, the warmth of his body enveloping him, something Matt hadn’t realized he missed so much in this cold dark cell.
It reminded him how desperately he’d wanted to tell him his feelings.
It reminded him that he hadn’t, but Shiro knew anyway.
It reminded him that…they hadn’t talked about any of it, but here he was in his arms.
Shiro took a deep breath through his nose, nuzzling Matt’s collar as he did so. It made him melt in his arms and all his resolve seemed to go with it.
“I missed you,” Shiro breathed out, exhausted, at the exact same time as Matt pressed his brow to Shiro’s neck and spoke to the empty space between their chests.
“I love you.”
Shiro’s body went tense. Matt immediately ran through his options trying to figure out how he could take it back, pretend it never happened. Just let Shiro relax into him like they’d done before. Remember that Shiro’s well being meant so much more than Matt’s pathetic crush—
Which okay. He needed to stop calling it that because he was in love it’s been love for ever and he just—
God this was stupid
There was no way to take it back. How could he take it back? He had to take it back. If he loved Shiro so much why was he being so stupid ?
Then Shiro laughed.
Matt’s heart cracked. He knew Shiro wasn’t cruel or heartless, he knew he wasn’t laughing at him. But. It didn’t help the timing.
“I love you too Matty. This whole thing has been crazy and I’m just…I’m sorry you’re going through this but if you weren’t here with me I don’t know how I’d survive…” His laugh was a tired one, an innocent one. One that didn’t realize Matt wasn’t saying love in a familiar or friendly way like Shiro was.
…And that was fine.
That was fine that was fine that was so god damn fine.
Matt started laughing to hide his crying and he and Shiro crumbled to the ground.
Shiro pretended not to realize Matt was crying like the good sport that he was and Matt pretended it wasn’t everything in him not to press pathetic wet kisses onto ever part of Shiro he could reach.
Eventually they curled up against a wall together, limbs tangled and faces close to seek all the comfort they possibly could from the other’s presence.
It was the first night in a long time that Matt had actually managed to get some rest, Shiro’s warmth one thing he didn’t have to worry about losing forever, at least just for the night.
But that didn’t mean he slept soundly, and when Shiro stirred awake he was too. When Shiro threaded his fingers in Matt’s hair and held him so close, Matt held his breath.
When Shiro kissed his forehead his heart pounded in his chest.
When Shiro mumbled a soft apology with no explanation Matt ached to sob but kept his eyes closed, forced his breathing to remain even.
When Shiro pressed the most feather light kiss to Matt’s lips and the world exploded behind his eyelids, his body too shaken and too slow to react, everything seemed to short circuit for him.
Then too quickly Shiro wasn’t at his side anymore, and there was the sound of soldiers knocking on the cell door, a “courtesy for their champion,” before they dragged him away.
The lights in Matt’s cell went out again, because apparently he wasn’t important enough to warrant the right to see while in captivity. But it was fine.
He’d press his fingertips to his lips as lightly as Shiro had and breathe deep, try to gather his feelings. Try to regain his resolve.
He had to do something. He had to get them both out. He had to find his father. He had to get back home.
He had to at the very least kiss Shiro properly one fucking time.
---
“So tough break about your boyfriend tonight.”
Matt hung on the bars of his cell door and tried to get a good look at the soldier standing guard.
“Did—did something happen?”
“His arm’s giving him some trouble in the ring it seems, looks like our priestess is going to take a look at him and well.” This guard was more talkative than the others, but usually only if it meant breaking bad news. He definitely seemed to enjoy dragging it out.
Matt swallowed hard, his throat going dry at the words. Shiro’s arm. His illness. He couldn’t run from it forever and it was catching up to him here, when he really needed his body to behave.
What fucking cruel joke was this?
“She’ll save him, but people who see our priestess rarely come back as themselves. Looks like you’re about to lose your value little man.”
Matt ignored the rest.
Because from the sound of that first line, Shiro would live.
Shiro was going to live. So. What if it mattered if Matt lost his value. If Shiro didn’t—didn’t…
…
“That’s fine. As long as he’s okay, that’s fine.” Matt wasn’t sure if he said it out loud for the guard or for his own benefit.
The guard tapped his sword on the metal door, “You’re an odd little man, aren’t you?”
Matt shrugged and lets go of the bars, dropping to slouch against the door.
“Yeah I guess so.”
….
When he’d been broken out he’d asked about the champion. But no one could tell him anything.
He’d asked about his father, but there was nothing on that front either.
And he couldn’t go back home without them.
So after months of rebel adventures, being a mess of worry and doubt and that ever present intrusive thought “will I die alone out in space never knowing what happened to my family,” when he finally coming across Katie it’s...
Katie…
His baby sister.
In the middle of space.
A paladin of Voltron . Basically the wars frontline .
HIS BABY SISTER.
Oh who ever was in charge of making that decision was going to wish they’d stayed on earth they were going to—
“Yeah so Shiro’s the head of Voltron again—it’s kind of like a game of musical chairs right now if you really think about it though so I dunno, maybe I can end up black paladin at some point! If. You know. It somehow rearranged it’s own cockpit so I could reach the pedals. Or maybe if I wore those trippy shoes they used to wear, what were they called… elevator shoes?”
“Platform shoes, Pidge.”
“Right! Right. Yeah. So maybe then.”
Matt wasn’t sure if he was still breathing or if he had been ejected into space because the fury mixing with the relief in his previously hopeless heart had caused him to suffer an out of body experience like no other.
Shiro was alive. Shiro was the leader of Voltron . (Shiro was in charge of putting his baby sister in harms way and Matt was going to have to kill him .) But he was alive (for now) and Pidge—he got to see his beautiful brilliant baby sister again and they were going to stop the Galra and he was going to see Shiro again and god—
GOD.
Maybe he’d spent too much time alone but his mind couldn’t stop racing through all the possibilities.
And the middle of a war wasn’t the time to handle ones feelings but damn if he could just—
Then he meets him.
The man who’s supposed to be Shiro. He wears his hair differently and he stands a little stiffer. He smiles warmly at Matt like he always did, and they embrace and it feels almost the same but there’s…something wrong.
Something is off.
But Matt’s the one who’s been away for years, locked in little dark cell after little dark cell, it wouldn’t be too unlikely if he wasn’t thinking clearly. If he wasn’t remembering right.
Yet he was so sure of it…Something is off.
Pidge realized too, when she noticed how little time Matt actually endspending with Shiro. Because as his little sister, of course she knew about his massive crush. She expected the two to be a little closer. She expected Matt to be a little more… receptive.
He just couldn’t be. Something was wrong, but he couldn’t say anything about it until he had proof.
---
Three years.
Voltron has been missing for three years.
He feels like he’s in that cell again. He feels trapped and in the dark and wondering if everyone brave and strong and so much better equipped for the world has perished and left him behind.
Shiro. His sister.
He knows his father is on earth but the Galra have occupied that planet for two years now. He and his mother might be dead too.
Every day is another struggle to search for rebel survivors and grasp at the remnants of hope a few colored lions had distilled in him that he hadn’t asked for.
He has some friends who keep trying to reach him. Keep offering condolences.
It doesn’t help.
What does help is the news that the lions were sighted. That they’re on their way to Earth. He wishes he could get communication to Pidge but the signals are too weak. Instead, in a fit of joy he kisses the soldier closest to him. She’s sweet and pats his head and smiles at him. He’s too ecstatic to regret it yet.
Over the months spent getting to Earth, trying to catch up with Voltron and see what they can do to help, she tells him she’s had feelings for him for a while.
They’ve been through a lot together. He thinks his feelings could be romantic too. He certainly singled her out for a reason. She holds his hand and it doesn’t give him the same feeling he’d had curled up in a cell next to Shiro, but it’s a start.
When she kisses him he doesn’t graze his fingers over his lips trying to relive the sensation when she’s gone, but he kisses her back all the same.
Maybe it’s because he still feels something is very wrong with his Shiro.
Maybe it’s because of what that guard said, about Shiro not coming back the same after seeing the priestess. About his losing his value.
Maybe whatever they’d had, had been lost with Shiro’s arm.
Maybe it was good of him to move on.
When they land and Earth is barren and his sister is in a hospital bed, his girlfriend consoles him.
Pidge gets better, because of course she gets better. The paladins saved the world again, like they always do and like they always will.
He’s told there was another round of musical chairs, Keith is the black paladin again. Shiro’s already back on his feet and running around the garrison barking orders like a commanding officer of his rank would.
He catches a glimpse of the all-white head of hair skidding down a hallway because Shiro has a boundless amount of energy and will single handedly carry the weight of the world with a smile on his face.
Whatever felt so wrong before…isn’t there anymore.
His chest aches. Because what was there back in the cells might not be as gone as he’d thought.
But it’s fine.
It’s fine.
Shiro has so much to do with his life now. So much going on… he could do so much better than Matt anyway.
And Matt is fine. He has a woman on his arm who cares for him, his whole family survived the siege. Shiro was right there functioning and happy and alive—
So what if they never talked things out. Or if Matt never got to kiss him back.
Matt has been in love with Shiro longer than he’s been in love with anyone, and it probably wasn’t going to go away any time soon, but it was better this way. Honestly, he probably loved him better from afar. Those nights in the cells—they were dangerous. Tricky. Challenges sent by the universe to see if his love was true.
And let’s face it, he’d failed.
So this…
This was fine.
“Matt?” asks his girlfriend as she follows in step beside him, her hand in his where it usually is.
“Yeah, hun?”
“That’s him, isn’t it?” She motions with her shoulder down the hall where Shiro is speaking animatedly to other officers in gray uniforms. A pretty blue-eyed girl—her name was Vanessa? Veronica?—locks eyes with him and he immediately looks away.
“Him who?” Matt says casually, attempting to walk further down the hall, hopefully around the corner and out of sight soon.
His girlfriend squeezes his hand and doesn’t budge, “Him, Shiro, the man you’re in love with.”
“Ahah—love—I wouldn’t say—”
He doesn’t have to look at her to know she’s rolling her eyes.
“Matt, I care for you, but don’t take me for a fool. I knew this wasn’t going to be a long term affair…”
Matt doesn’t even have the brain power to register what she’s getting at, too focused on his fight or flight instincts telling him to run, “I really don’t think—”
“Matthew.”
“It’s just not a good—”
“Matthew listen to me, I would gladly keep you as my paramour, but I can’t in good conscience let you keep avoiding this…”
Matt tugs on her hand again, he sees the blue-eyed girl (she looks like Lance. A little devilish girl version of Lance, he’s screwed..!) poke and prod at Shiro’s shoulder, getting his attention and for some reason here and now Matt’s nerves are surging around in his stomach begging for an escape route.
She gives him none.
Shiro turns and his eyes light up, landing on Matt.
The blood rushes to his face like a bullet train.
He isn’t ready.
He isn’t fucking ready.
This is his Shiro, the one who’d fought for him and survived for him and kissed him on the floor of an alien prison cell.
“Matt!” Shiro beams, jogging over, leaving the other officers mid conversation.
Matt isn’t ready. His girlfriend (ex girlfriend? Temporarily on a break while he figures out his feelings girlfriend?) lets go of his hand and pushes him forward by the shoulders. (Traitor girlfriend now. No good evil scheming backstabbing girlfriend.)
Shiro raises his hands, the prosthetic getting to Matt first since it has more reach; and pulls him in for a hug.
“I’m so happy to see you!”
Matt melts into his embrace once again. A flurry of ridiculous emotions bouncing around in his chest. The same ridiculous emotions he’s held on to for some 10 years now just as strong as they ever were. Nothing was wrong this time.
Nothing was in the way this time.
No Adam, no aliens, no life or death situations, no weird offsetting feelings, no galaxies between them.
But…but it was better if he just kept his mouth shut…wasn’t it?
Because Shiro…Shiro was so good and Matt was just…just…
Fuck it.
Matt has become a lot of things these last few years. He is every bit the warrior as everyone else. Strong and brave and capable. He’s fought and lost and suffered and survived with everyone. He’s been there for his best friend and he’s given his all every step of the goddamn way.
He is worth it. He is good enough.
He isn’t ready but maybe he’ll never be ready.
They’d been through a bloody galactic war for fucks sake.
He is going to tell Takashi friggen Shirogane how he feels.
“Shiro I—there’s something I need to tell you… Something I should have told you a long time ago.”
Shiro pulls back just enough to smile at him, “Yeah, there’s something I should have told you a while ago too. Let’s go catch up.”
—-
So it took a little longer than he’d initially planned. Big whoop. He did it. And maybe it was better that it had come out now rather than so many years before anyway. At least, Matt certainly doubted that it would have ended the same way all that time ago.
That is to say: he doubted he’d have ended up blissfully smitten, pressing harder than feather light kisses all over Takashi friggen Shirogane’s beautiful friggen face.