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Willow was sitting down backstage as if there were any other things she could do to cope with that repugnant moment. A group of the other girls were gathered in a circle around her, babbling and whispering about the latest gossips, but she couldn’t be less interested. She adjusted her slick and thin outfit while looking at the stage. Marco was out there now talking about the time she won the weekly duel against Batter and felt so proud about it she could not believe it. That was something that has happened 3 weeks ago now, but there was nothing more interesting to tell the audience about. Poor thing, he did not seem to understand that, in a reality like this, they couldn’t afford to hold onto past victories. Willow was certainly sure Marco’s boredom would be enough to tire president Julius and reap him for the Games.
She looked around and wondered what everybody else was thinking. Were they just as uncomfortable as she was? Just as scared? She certainly knew that some of them really enjoyed being on the Career Program, thinking of it as some kind of reward for their abilities or skills or charm. There backstage was a huge glittery nebulose of sparkles and nervous. She still couldn't get why they would go like this-these people have been going on stage and smiling and faking it just like her for years.
She then noticed Caesar Flickerman looking at their direction. Willow looked past her and saw Shyrin walking fast and anxious to the stage, but without missing the chance to wave at her. Batter was just behind her, vigilant to every step she took just in case she fainted due to a high-stress peak. The audience roared when they appeared. So favoured by her raving stories and his quiet, and accurate comments, they have been holding on for 2 years now and were one of the people’s faves. Also, they were so lucky to have been chosen together from Three. At least they had something to remind them from home.
Willow took another glance at her costume. This had to be the prettiest she had ever gotten.
When she raised her head again, all the girls were looking to her right with her mouths quite open. She was sure some of them were actually drooling.
Phineas Odair entering a room would be the closest thing to dying and actually waking up in Heaven with an angel walking towards you. Half-naked and bronze skin shining like utter gold, it was impossible for the Capitol people –and pretty much everyone- not to slobber over him.
- He can’t possibly be so freaking desireable.
- It’s crazy how hot he is.
- I’ve never seen such eyelashes.
- Forget his eyes, look at that body.
- Imagine what a night with him would be.
And Willow could certainly imagine because she had spent countless nights with him. Not all of them physically talking, but laughing, telling each other random stuff, complaining or maybe crying, both of them, hugged. But nobody knew.
- Okay, so –begin to say Kairis, from Two, with her high pitched voice- I cooked something to give to Phins.
She sounded so excited Willow was almost sorry to make fun of her pitiful self.
- Oh, honey, you baked him something? What are you, five?
Kairis’ face showed she was deeply wounded but didn’t intend to change her mind.
- You are just jealous because you did not come up with this genius idea.
Her answer made Willow cringe and roll her eyes. If only she knew.
- Well, at least tell me what’s in your ‘love recipe’, so I can eat it when he rejects you.
- Honey, nuts and orange.
Willows grin twitched and laughed with her head back.
- If I were you I wouldn’t even try. Phineas is allergic to nuts.
- Stop being such a twat! I’m going to go anyways –she turned to the other girls and took a deep breath- Wish me luck!
Seconds later, everyone was able to appreciate how Phineas smiled gently at Kairis to say that he was allergic to nuts, and how Willow was right.
- Don’t tell me I didn’t tell you, hon. I tried to avoid you another heartbreak.
The girl was mad furious. Phineas Odair has already rejected her more times she could count and it was clearly unbelievable to her.
- How did you know this then, princess?
Willow looked at her recently done nails and raised her brows.
- Ah, honey, everyone could be allergic to nuts. It’s the most common allergy in the world!
She thought for a moment that Kairis would explode, or maybe punch her in the face, but instead, she opted for walking away stomping the ground with her high heels.
Shyrin and Batter came back from the stage and Caesar called for Phineas this time. He walked past the girl’s group, only slowing his pace to look at her.
She bit her lip instinctively. He knew he was making her crazy.
Shyrin ran to them as she threw herself to Willow’s lap and made the most enthusiastic grin she´d ever seen.
- Omg, Will, you can not deny now that there is something between you two, girl. I mean, that look he gave you? That only screams one thing.
Willow shifted her weight uncomfortable with the topic and fixed her hairclips.
- I told there is nothing going on. He has flirted with every single girl, married or single, in Panem. It’s commonplace.
She stood up ready to end the conversation but couldn’t stop herself from staring at him a few minutes. The way he talked, he smiled, he told bold jokes he had previously rehearsed. It warmed her heart she knew how he really was. No one else.
-
Her cabin stood stoically between the foliage and the tall trees. It was modern, well equipped and hidden, which was most important for her. Willow hated it despite that.
Nothing seemed less-like-home that that cabin she could afford after making appearances to parties and events at the Capitol. It was lifeless and dull. Her father still lived at Twelve and did not intend to move in with her. His excuse was that he felt so away from her mother, even though she was already dead.
Wrapped up in her bed, the most fairly cosy of the house, she heard the door opening. Far from being afraid or intrigued, Willow uncovered herself and went to meet the intruder.
Phineas dropped his heavy handbag and rested his body against the door frame before coming in. He was no longer looking like a god straight from the sky. His was in his casual clothes, his hair messy as always and a broken look that made her heart skip a beat.
- I didn’t know you were coming today.
- I didn’t either.
He seemed out of himself.
- Are you alright? Did something bad happen at the interview?
Phineas took a deep breath and sat on her bed.
- It seemed to be so good I got another call.
Willow’s eyes opened and her gesture dropped to the floor. It was the fourth this week, and it was only Tuesday.
- Oh.
- Yeah, I still can’t believe there are still people I haven’t slept with. Jeez, it’s so dirty. I feel so dirty.
She has known him since forever, and even 5 years ago from his first client, she didn’t know how to react. It was so unnatural, to be sold as some sort of object.
- You can take a shower if you want to, you know.
He fairly smiled, a twisted and weird grin and took her fingers into his’. Phineas' palm doubled Willow’s size. Warm, callous, skilled.
- You know I never come here from seeing someone without having showered first.
Willow knew he never liked being touched without it being extremely necessary. She freed her hand from his’ and lifted up to touch his face with utterly caring.
He ached from human contact against his skin. Always so fake, so pretentious, so nasty.
Her touch felt like Heaven. Make him feel desired, but as one wants to be wanted, loved.
She kneeled down to be closer to him.
- I’m so sorry, Finn.
- You are exactly the only one who shouldn’t apologize, my love.
Willow has been hearing years now, about the affectionate nicknames Phineas was used to giving to his clients. But my love was something only for her. Thinking about that made her heart jump.
- You were pretty naked today, mhm. I’ll have to go talk to your stylist for a few sewing tips, you know,
Finn laughed slightly, feeling better already.
- You know Fersha, she always plays safe. And don’t you play dumb, I know you enjoyed it.
- You mean the other girls did. I can enjoy you here as much as I want to.
He dragged them both to the bed and kissed her fondly. He allowed her to touch him all night, to heal, to remove the past.
Her love lingered, and she was the present.