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“You gotta stop, man,” Joey says, perched on the high stool across the counter from where Chandler is bandaging his head because he had to jump out of a moving car to avoid being caught smoking by his boss.
“I know that!” Chandler mutters. “I just. It’s hard, okay.”
“You know what always helps me,” Joey says thoughtfully. “Is to associate the habit with something I don’t like.”
Chandler looks up slowly. “When have you ever done that?”
Joey makes a face. “Okay, well maybe I needed some help, I’ve never had to deal with this kind of thing before!” He tosses a many-bookmarked book on the counter entitled “Things to Tell Your Addicted Friend.”
A beat passes.
“You read a book…for me?”
Joey shrugs and kicks his feet.
“Wow, Joe,” Chandler says in awe. “That’s, that’s. Wow.”
“Yeah,” Joey says with a grin. “And you know what else I read about? The book said that people with substance addictions have them because they’re, they’re dealing with something more complex deep down and they use that addiction to distract from it.”
“Okay, what are you. And what have you done with Joey?”
“Nah, listen to me, Chandler,” Joey says, leaning across the counter. “You gotta figure out what’s making you so stressed!”
Chandler thinks about it. “Well, it’s definitely not work because you have to care about something to be worried about it.”
Joey makes a sound of agreement. “Hey, maybe it’s your sex life!”
Chandler’s laughter turns into something like a whimper. “Joe, I started smoking a week ago, not years ago.”
“Well, that’s great then!” Joey says, gesturing excitedly. “We know when it all started. So what happened a week ago that made you all so worked up?”
Chandler considers. “Well. Ross told a particularly terrible story about Tryscepto-boring-nus. That might have done it.”
“Yeah? What else?”
“Gunther changed the way he brews expresso again. And hey, Phoebe went into one of her weird possessed phases, remember that? That was strange, right?” Joey shrugs. “Yeah, but those are all regular things. They happen every week, man.”
They both fall silent.
“There was that time…” Joey suggests hesitantly. “When I…” Chandler trails off. “When you…”
It was in the middle of the afternoon and Chandler had gone back to the apartment to pick something up during his lunch break and it was a kinda spontaneous thing, so Joey was completely taken by surprise when Chandler walked in the door. He was taken completely by surprise with his jeans pushed down and his hand shoved into his boxers and Chandler had taken one look and let out a faint scream before bolting.
“That was my bad,” Chandler says, wrinkling up his nose. “But why would that bother me? It’s nothin’ new. I’m in the room next to you, I practically fall asleep to the sound of you having sex.”
Joey doesn’t respond.
It dawns on them at the same time.
Joey looks at Chandler. “Wanna kiss me?”
“Okay!”
When they pull away, Chandler looks dazed.
“Do that again?” Joey pipes up.
“Sure!”