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Gyuri didn't know when that became an habit — a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.
Yet there she was, watching the short haired girl as her legs swayed back and forth as she sat comfortably at the edge of the school's rooftop, sipping on her favorite orange juice as if she wasn't meters away from the ground. Yes, she would be dead scared of doing this a month ago, but a month ago the brown haired girl wasn't a student in her school yet. Being able to contemplate such beauty everyday turned the fact that she could fall down, break her bones and maybe even die in just a simple consequence that, as she got more and more lost into the mysterious girl, Gyuri easily learned to ignore.
There was this undeniably strong aura around the girl Gyuri have been watching for a whole month. She's always alone, rarely ever smiles and was always seen wearing her earphones as she reads some book under one of the many trees that there were in their school. The fact that their uniform was black helped building the whole mysterious vibe that the girl showed off since the first day she put her feet on that place, leaving Gyuri even more intrigued. She didn't know why or how she got so invested into the girl, but it just felt right. That's why she didn't — and felt like she couldn't — stop coming to the rooftop everyday ever since, and it was not like she was planning to stop anytime soon.
Above everything, she felt like the girl was not only alone all the time, but that she was lonely. She couldn't see her face that clearly from where she would always sit, but she could still catch the glimpses of sadness that would appear every once in a while on the girl's sharp eyes. It reminded Gyuri of herself, and it made her chest hurt, because such pretty face and such pretty eyes should never be covered by unhappiness. And as much as Gyuri wanted to get closer to the girl, she knew nothing about her besides her name. She didn't know if she was a good or a bad person, she didn't know if she was open for a new friendship or not. All she knew was that she was beautiful, and as much as it hurt her it made her feel at ease at the same time, because at least she could still come to the same dangerous spot everyday and watch her from afar, silently hoping that one day they would be able to talk to each other.
—
One week had passed.
Gyuri asked permission to get out of the class so she could go to the bathroom, but she wasn't expecting to be received with such a scene as soon as she got out of the girl's toilet.
There was the girl she would always watch at lunch, holding a boy by his throat as he did his best to get out of her grip and get some air, as two small girls watched the scene with wide eyes from the side. Gyuri recognized them, they were Jiwon and Jisun, two nice juniors who were in a secret relationship, which only Gyuri knew about. She shouldn't know, though, but a few months ago she walked into the bathroom when the both of them were kissing and almost made them cry of fear. Of course she would never tell anyone about that, but she begged the two girls to be more careful because god knows what could've happened if it was any other person. She wondered if the fight had to with that fact, but as she saw Jiwon holding Jisun close to her as her eyes were full of anger, she knew that stupid boy had done something to one of them.
Gyuri couldn't even blink before the principal showed up and separated the fight, making the boy fall down on the cold ground as the girl's hands finally set him free. The girl's eyes were burning with rage, and she looked like she could and would kill the boy if she had the chance to. That's when Gyuri could finally see the red mark on Jisun's pulse and everything started to make sense. Asshole, she thought as irritation started building up on her too, getting even stronger as she heard the principal saying that the short haired girl would be going to detention for what she did. She stood up for a innocent girl and she's going to detention? Gyuri couldn't believe her ears. That was just what she needed to reach the edge of fury and for her brain to stop working properly, and the next thing she knew her legs were working on their own, running from the bathroom door until she was just in front of the boy, closing her hands in a perfect fist before hitting his stomach with a strength she didn't even know she had until that moment.
To say that everyone was shocked was an understandment. Gyuri had always been a calm girl who never got into problems, much less a fight where she would punch someone. She was only brought back to reality when she heard the boy groan in pain as he came back to the ground, a smirk taking over her lips as she enjoyed the scene in front of her, looking straight into the principal's eyes as she waited for his statement.
She got detention too, of course. And she couldn't even help to be bothered by it. Actually, the old man didn't know the favor he was doing to her. And when the girl turned around and smiled at her after they left the principal's room, Gyuri knew everything she did was worth it. That would sound weird in any other situation, but she couldn't wait for detention.
—
Soon all the classes of the day were done. Gyuri packed her things and left to the third floor, where the detention room was. She bumped into Jiwon and Jisun on her way, and the two younger girls couldn't stop thanking her for what she did earlier, or stop saying they where sorry for the fact that she got in trouble for it. Gyuri patted their shoulders and told them it was alright, and that she would do the same thing again if she had the chance. She couldn't help but feel a little jealous of the two girls as they walked away hand in hand, because even after all the bad things happen, they still had each other at the end of the day. And Gyuri, being the hopeless romantic that she was, even though she didn't like to admit that to herself, believed that true love could help you get through everything in life.
She finally got into the room and groaned as she saw the two thick books above the table. She would have to finish the exercises of at least ten pages of each book before heading home, and she could feel her brain melt just at the thought of it. She took a sit and immediately let her head fall above one of the books, covering her face with her arms as she started regretting her actions.
That feeling didn't last long, though. The door was open a few minutes after she sat down, revealing a slim figure with her earphones on, mindlessly throwing some strands of her hair over her head. There she was. Beautiful, breathtaking, alluring. Gyuri couldn't bring herself to take her eyes off of her. And she felt like the whole world stopped for a second when their eyes met, none of them daring to break the contact, allowing themselves to lose their breaths for a few moments.
The girl didn't say hi, hello or any other type of greeting. She just left her backpack over one of the chairs before taking a sit beside Gyuri, who couldn't move a single muscle, or even turn around to face the other girl. Gyuri was trying to find anything to focus on that stupid room, but it was impossible as she felt that the girl's eyes were all over, and the more the time passed the more she felt that the awkward silence between them was becoming too much for her to take.
"That was really cool of you. The punch, I mean." The short haired girl said, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence between the two of them, making Gyuri turn her head so she could face the other girl again.
Gyuri was left dumbfounded this time. Lightheaded, dizzy. The girl's eyes shined so bright from this close that Gyuri felt like the other could easily read everything that was going through her mind at that moment. She also didn't expect the girl's voice to be this high and her speaking to be this slow, which only caused her to be even more curious about the girl sitting beside her.
"Thank you, it was cool of you to stand up for them, too." Gyuri answered softly, almost as if she was scared of saying something wrong or end up stuttering in front of the prettiest human she has ever seen, which was true afterall, and Gyuri felt the need to punch herself in the face for sounding so small and fragile like that in front of her.
She felt her stomach sink, in a surprisingly good way, when the girl smiled towards her again, the second time that day. Gyuri believed that it was the warmest smile someone has ever shown her, so sweet that it almost made her forget that they were on detention, with a pile of exercises waiting to be done. She smiled back and opened one of the books, furrowing her eyebrows as she realized it was a math book, her least favorite subject. Gyuri groaned and opened her notebook, getting herself mentally ready to go through that torture.
The girl laughed a little bit before placing her hands above the blook and closing it, leaving Gyuri completely confused. That's when she took her cellphone out of pocket, put her password and scrolled a little bit through her camera roll before finding just what she needed. Gyuri's eyes went wide — the girl had the answers to basically every question in those books, and Gyuri couldn't help but wonder how she got them.
"When the principal was talking to you in another room, I sneaked into his office and took pictures of all the answers in these books." She explained upon seeing Gyuri's reaction, and it only made the girl's eyes grow even more big. The brown haired girl couldn't help but laugh at Gyuri's reaction, and soon both of them were lost in a giggling mess.
"I'm Gyuri, by the way. Jang Gyuri." Gyuri told her after their laughter died down, feeling nervous all of a sudden as the girl's eyes were fixed on her again. She smiled, and Gyuri melted once again.
"I know, and i'm Lee saerom."
Gyuri already knew that too.
—
Another week passed by, and Gyuri felt like she was walking on air. Her heart felt light, content, satisfied. All of that because she didn't need to watch Saerom from afar anymore, she was now walking beside the girl through the school's corridors and listening to her favorite songs during breaks. She was finally getting to know who Lee Saerom was, and the more she found out about her, the more she felt like she was drowning in some kind of potion the other girl had split over her without her knowing.
She let Saerom know about her, too. Saerom was the first person in that school to find out Gyuri liked watching animes and had a soft spot for cheesy romantic movies. It felt easy to tell those things to Saerom, as the other always gave her all of her attention and time, listening to her like she was telling her the most important and secretive thing in the entire world. Saerom was way sweeter and gentle than she would've ever thought.
She effortlessly made Gyuri feel good, and she was loving the feeling of finally having some company.
—
After a few more weeks of hanging out together at the school, Gyuri started getting curious over silly things about the girl. To be honest, everything about Saerom made Gyuri curious, but she wanted to know the little things, too. They were also important, and Gyuri couldn't seem to get enough of finding out more things about Saerom.
So she started preparing special questions to ask her everyday.
Gyuri started with the basics. What is your favorite color? What is your favorite season? What is your favorite juice flavor? One question a day. One answer a day. Gyuri cherished every single one of them.
Then she started to dig in deeper, trying her best to not invade the girl's personal space of make her uncomfortable. What is the song that describes you best? Your happiest memory? The most important person in your life? And as Saerom answered, Gyuri did the same. At this point, they knew each other better than anyone else in a little bit more than one month of knowing each other. The connection that they had with each other was too strong to ignore, too good to act like it isn't there, so they let themselves get lost into each other, one step at a time, until they got to the point where they could easily write a book about each other.
Two months passed by into this game of questions and answers. Yet, Gyuri couldn't master up the courage to ask Saerom what she was dying to know the most.
There was still something about Saerom she still didn't know. And without that crucial answer, Gyuri couldn't ask the girl her most antecipated question.
—
They were at Saerom's house, at her room to be more exact, finding some warmth under the covers while they binge watched to a tv show both of them were into these days. It was not like Gyuri could keep her focus on it, not when Saerom was hugging her waist and her head was at the curve of her neck, making Gyuri get goosebumps whenever she breathed.
At that point, Gyuri had already accepted that she was deeply in love with Saerom, who was now her best friend. She felt glad to have the other girl, to have someone who she could share all of her worries and her happiness after being lonely for so long, but she couldn't ignore the fact that her feelings were getting stronger and stronger everyday, making it hard for Gyuri not to crave for something else, something bigger than what they already had.
It was getting harder to not look straight into Saerom's lips whenever she talked, or whenever they were incredibly close like in that moment. It was getting harder to ignore her dreams too, the ones where her and Saerom would hold hands and kiss each other until they were completely out of breath.
It was hard, specially when Gyuri still didn't have the crucial answer that she had been craving for so long. What if she distances herself from her? What if she feels disgusted? What if Saerom doesn't like girls? The thought alone was enough to make her heart sink, and it made her want to hide and cry until her eyes were completely swollen.
But she didn't do that. After all, what would Saerom think if she got up and left her house out of nowhere, without even giving her a proper explanation? She didn't want to hurt her friend, or to make her confused by her childish behavior. So, even though it hurt, and it hurt a lot, Gyuri stayed right where she was. She always thought of Saerom and her feelings over her own, and if that meant suffocating in her own sentiments, than she would just let it be.
Gyuri took a heavy breath and closed her eyes, trying to hold back her tears as she felt the girl's grip on her waist get even stronger. Like always, she threw one of her arms over Saerom's shoulders, bringing the smaller one even more close to herself, letting the girl lay down comfortably on her chest. Maybe that wasn't the best idea, considering the fact that her heart was racing like never before, but Saerom didn't seem to mind.
Or so she thought, because while her eyes were closed, Saerom's were worriedly glancing up at her.
—
Eventually, Gyuri learned to deal with the pain. The uncomfortable feeling still haunted her every time Saerom was too close, but it was getting better. It hurt me that much in the beginning because it is my first love, right? It was what she kept trying to tell herself everyday as a form of consolation.
She still went to Saerom's house, and they still cuddled under the covers like they always did. But there was something different in the way the other girl had been acting for the past few weeks, yet Gyuri couldn't quite tell exactly what it was. There is no way Saerom could ever find out about how she felt though, Gyuri was sure of that since she did her best to bury her feelings deep down, where no one else, not even Saerom who knew her better than anyone else, could ever see.
But one part of her was always alarmed, specially when Saerom have been giving her suspicious looks every once in a while when she thought no one was looking.
Did she feel her sadness? Did she notice the amount of times she had to hold back her tears when they were together? Gyuri didn't know, but she hoped that her mind was just exaggerating and playing stupid tricks on her.
And while she was still unsure of what was truly happening with the girl she loved, Gyuri kept doing what she did best.
A deep breath. A dry throat.
It's not that bad. I'm getting better.
A fake smile.
I'm gonna get through this.
—
The rain was pouring down outside.
Gyuri loved that weather ever since she was just a little child who barely knew how to speak correctly. She loved being able to wear her favorite sweater and drink a big cup of hot chocolate while she watched a random movie she found on Netflix. It made her feel warm, and it made her comfortable.
It still does, but now it makes her think of something else.
Saerom. The girl had the power to make her feel the same way as rainy days does. Her arms were as warm as her blankets, and her laugh makes her feel all giddy and soft inside, just like the good and old romance movies she had always loved to watch.
Gyuri didn't stop thinking about the other girl for a single minute that entire day. She just couldn't bring herself to, not when Saerom was engraved in every single part of her being and trying to act like that wasn't true or trying to just simply ignore it would only make her heart hurt more.
The movie suddenly became boring as she couldn't bring herself to focus on it anymore, so she just got up and opened the glass doors to her bedroom's balcony, watching the ever so quiet neighborhood she lived in. It was starting to get dark, and the only sounds she could catch were the ones of car's motors coming from miles away.
That's until a figure of a slim girl turned the nearest corner, trying to run as fast as she could without slipping through the wet sidewalk floor while her shoes made loud sounds every time they would come in contact with the water.
Gyuri narrowed her eyes to study the figure and her heart started racing as the girl got closer and closer to her home. She had to blink a thousand of times as she looked down from the balcony, not believing her eyes as she watched Saerom's soaked body right in front of her door, as her beautiful eyes looked straight into her own.
"I have something important to tell you, so let me in, please?" The slightly older girl said breathlessly as she ran her fingers through her short brown strands, unintentionally making Gyuri feel butterflies in her stomach because, wow, how could she still look so heavenly even when she was entirely soaked?
Soon the door was open and as much as Gyuri wanted to scream at Saerom for going out in such a cold weather and letting herself get this soaked, she couldn't. Not when the girl's eyes looked so pure and genuine even when her entire body was shivering, making Gyuri feel a sudden urge to embrace her and never let her go, so that's what she did.
And there they were. In the middle of Gyuri's living room, hugging as if they didn't see each other for a million years, when in reality it hasn't even been twenty four hours. Saerom's small body was being crashed by Gyuri's strong arms while Saerom's soaked clothes were starting to make Gyuri's get in the same situation, but neither of them did seem to mind.
After what seemed to be an eternity, the both of them broke the hug, smiling softly to each other before going up hand in hand to Gyuri's bedroom. Gyuri lended Saerom some of her clothes and she couldn't help but feel all warm inside when she saw the other girl coming out of the bedroom with one of her favorite sweaters, which looked huge on her tiny body and that it made her look like an absolute baby in Gyuri's eyes.
But the sweet atmosphere was soon over when Gyuri looked up to her friend, who looked nervous and hesitant while she played with her own fingers. Gyuri grabbed her hand and made the girl sit down on the bed with her, looking expectantly at her as she waited for the other one to start talking.
"I came here on this weather only because I knew if I didn't I would lose all of my sudden courage, so..." Saerom explained slowly, still not being able to look Gyuri in the eyes.
Gyuri studied Saerom's expression closely, finding it extremely hard to predict what was about to come. So she opted for just holding the girl's soft hands firmly, trying to tell her that she was there for her, that she was listening and that she wouldn't be going anywhere.
"You changed my life, but you probably don't know for how long." Saerom started, catching Gyuri completely off guard with her words. "I know you used to watch me everyday from the school's rooftop, and you have no idea of how thankful I am for that."
Gyuri's eyes were wide and her breath got stuck in her throat. How did she...
"I have always been lonely, but when I saw you up there looking at me I felt like maybe that was about to finally change. I saw you as my guardian angel, someone I couldn't directly talk to but that would always be looking out for me. I knew I was right the day you appeared at the corridor and created that mess, making sure you were going to detention with me." Saerom had to stop for a while so she could take a breath, bringing herself to look into Gyuri's eyes, who were already on the verge of tears. "You changed my boring and lonely life into something great, something close to magical, and with that, new feelings started to bloom inside of me."
Gyuri was now silently crying as she listened to the girl's words, and when Saerom noticed that she realized that she couldn't hold back her emotions anymore, letting the tears she have been holding back for so long go down through her face.
"It was good, until I realized I was afraid of them. I was afraid of getting hurt, afraid of hurting you, afraid of confronting something I have been hiding for so long. But I can't ignore them anymore, not when they get stronger every time I look into your eyes, or every time you hold me so close that I can listen to your heart beating." Saerom's grip on Gyuri's hands got stronger as she prepared herself for the last part of her monologue. "I'm in love with you, Jang Gyuri."
The phrase kept repeating on the back of Gyuri's head, making her heart beat faster than it ever did.
I'm in love with you, Jang Gyuri.
It seemed and sounded too good to be true. Like a dream becoming reality, like a miracle happening in the middle of the strongest storm.
Neither of them could stop crying, or stop looking at each other like they were their entire world. It was Gyuri who took the first step, bringing Saerom closer to her to the point where the other one was already sitting on her lap, caressing her wet, rosy cheeks with the tip of her fingers before bringing their faces closer than they have ever been. Gyuri's heart and her mind were racing with the proximity, but she still managed to whisper one last thing to the other girl.
"I love you too, Lee Saerom."
And then their eyes closed and their lips met, making both of them release a relieved sigh as they got lost in each other's mouths and each other's bodies, as they caressed and squeezed every inch of each other's backs and waists, act that immediately sent a wave of goosebumps down through their spines.
On that cold night, when the rain was still pouring down outside of the windows, Gyuri finally got her answer. Saerom liked girls, more than that, Saerom liked her, and as if her body had been washed down by the rain drops, the pain inside of her finally faded away.