Work Text:
You’re not passionate about the things you once were.
You sleep longer or you don’t sleep at all. It’s like floating through a dream, but not one that’s particularly good or particularly bad. It just doesn’t feel like you’re all there.
When you are, though, the guilt is heavy. It suffocates you, and sometimes, you wish it’d just finish you off.
The emptiness gnaws at you, and you can’t tell if it’s because you haven’t eaten in a while or if you haven’t had enough water. But, it’s a stone in your belly. If you threw yourself out to sea, maybe you’d sink.
You’re walking through life asleep, and it wasn’t like that when you first met Miyuki Kazuya. It wasn’t like that when you told him you loved him for the first time, when he told you, too.
Youth was braided into every aspect of your life. Passion, too. The vision of Miyuki’s hands wrapped around his baseball bat and the memory of them pressed against your body. The sear of his kiss as bright and sharp as his eyes behind home plate. The bite of his teeth as electrifying as the bite of his words.
This is the man you’ve fallen in love with, and despite the clouds in your mind and behind your eyes, that’s something you never forget. From the patient way he dries your tears - you don’t even realize you’d begun crying - to the kisses he peppers all over your body, mapping out everything he loves about you, you’re his, completely. Just as he’s yours.
Every breath he exhales, you hungrily chase, like it’s the only oxygen your body can take. Every breath he inhales comes from the syllables of his name spilling from your lips in the cold, blue dawn, in the pink-gold sunset, under the cover of night.
From across the room, with the morning sunlight behind him, his perfect silhouette and a smile that lifts the fog-- you can take a breath. You can keep taking breaths.
You’re not passionate about the things you once were. But, Miyuki will always have your heart. He’s got his hands inside your chest, and he’s got himself locked up in your bones. You can’t tell where he begins and you end.
But, in Miyuki’s arms, there is no beginning and there is no end - just an infinite loop of waking up and falling asleep next to the man who has his name engraved on your heart.
With his chin a perfect weight on your shoulder and his arms an anchor around your body keeping you from floating out to sea, you can begin to forgive yourself.
You can remember that these feelings, this stone in your belly and this storm behind your eyes, they aren’t you.
From there, you grow.