Work Text:
LIKE THE WAY I DO
Beverly Crusher sat behind the quarantine screens and stared without seeing at the bulkhead. So far she had not noticed any effects of the infection she was sure she had picked up on Kaledia IV. This infection was caused by an alien microbe which could somehow "screen" itself during the transporting process, and was usually not detected until one started developing symptoms.
Fortunately, the Enterprise computer banks had extensive files on the plants which harboured these microbes and the crew knew that if someone came into contact with them, the microbe was likely to infect that person. Thus, when Beverly had become entangled in such a plant, she had beamed up immediately and put herself in quarantine. Only one planet was known to possess the cure for this microbe, and the Enterprise had immediately set course for the planet. The microbe did not always cause death, but its side-effects were sometimes permanent if not treated in time. One of the effects was a change in the amount of pigment in one's skin. People with little pigment suddenly developed more, and of an odd colour. To put it simply, they turned purple!
***
Jean-Luc Picard smiled at the image on the viewscreen and in his most diplomatic manner said, "Sir, we request that we be allowed to beam down and acquire the medication necessary for the treatment of this microbe."
"You may certainly do so," replied the planetary spokesman. "You realise, however, that our planet runs on a monetary system and we will require payment." He smiled graciously.
Picard smiled back just as graciously. "Of course. We will pay in gold. Is that acceptable?"
"Yes."
"Thank you. We will arrive at Kaledia IV in three point seven hours and beam into your medical complex."
"We will await you with anticipation." Picard nodded and Worf closed the channel. Picard then turned to Data. "Mister Data, what do we need to know about the Kaledians before we transport down? We only recently had First Contact with them, and we must abide by the Prime Directive."
"There are many things you and the Away Team will need to know," replied the science officer.
"Very well. Call a briefing in the Observation Lounge in ten minutes."
"Aye, Sir."
Riker was the most concerned, as he always lead Away missions. "What will we need to do, Data?"
"This society is very much like twenty-second century Earth," said the android. "Men and women still wear clothes defining their genders, and they are still using capital - money - as payment. They are not xenophobic at all, but the teams who have been on this world say they respond best to people who they believe are like themselves."
"Any cultural taboos or things we should know about?"
"Only with regard to clothing. They have seen our uniform tunics, so they know we wear uniforms. However..." Here Data trailed off, and the crew would have thought he was being hesitant had they not known him better. "However, I believe they will react with suspicion if we do not conform to their code in at least one thing."
"Which is?" prompted Picard. He hated it when Data told something the long way.
"You and Commander Riker will both have to go on this mission."
"Why?"
"They will expect the ship's captain to be there as well as his first officer. It is common practice."
Picard shrugged as if to say, 'Oh well, that's fine', and Riker frowned, but neither said anything. "Anything else?" asked Riker.
"I believe it would be best if you conformed to their dress code. Wear a dress."
"I've worn dress uniform before, Mister Data," said Picard blithely. "This is, after all, in part a diplomatic mission."
"No, Sir," Data said, softly for him.
"No?" Picard looked worried.
"I did not say dress uniform, Sir. You will have to wear a dress."
Picard had been brought up in France, where men did NOT wear dresses. He didn't mind what other people did, but somehow whenever he put on something his father wouldn't have approved of, it seemed he could hear his father mocking him from somewhere.
"What?" he finally managed, trying to ignore the evil grin that had begun to spread over Riker's face.
"On this planet the men wear skirts, Captain," said Troi, smiling only slightly. "It's one of the few planets where this happens. It is logical, of course. Men do need more room. Women wear pants here." She smiled a little more.
"I'm not wearing a... a skirt!" Picard managed to splutter.
"Sir, if you do not, I believe the Kaledians will be offended," put in his second officer helpfully. "It is not a big change. You need merely change the pants of your uniform to a skirt, as they have seen that we wear uniform tunics."
"Do we still have the pattern for those uniforms?" asked Riker.
"Yes, the replicators will have them on file. They're rather short," said Troi.
"And I have analysed the weather patterns, Sir," Data added. "This planet has constant winds."
Picard began to think that this was all a bad joke that someone was playing on him. "Anything else?"
"Unmarried males do not wear underwear," Troi said, bursting out laughing at last.
"Why not?" was all Picard could manage.
"It is how they attract a wife."
That's it, thought Picard, Q must have something to do with this.
But then the comm panel chimed and Picard was brought back to the realities of the situation. Nurse Ogawa broke in, "Captain, Doctor Crusher is beginning to run a high fever. She has asked for you."
"I’ll be right there," said Picard, tapping his communicator. "Dismissed."
As he stood in the turbolift, Picard couldn't help thinking about his chief medical officer. He knew it could have been any member of the Away Team who had tangled with the planet, but the bottom line for him was that it had not been ANY member of that Away Team. It had been Beverly. Maybe before he'd known her thoughts it wouldn’t have affected him, but now... Now he was once again seized by the sudden panic that if Beverly died, he'd have no reason to go on. Think positive, he thought. They'd get to Kaledia on time, the cure would be successful, and Beverly would be fine. He wanted to believe that, and knew he shouldn't doubt it for a second, but in his mind an image kept replaying itself: the image of Jack Crusher, lying dead on that table. Jack Crusher... who had NOT been fine.
***
"How are you, Beverly?" Picard asked, sounding as concerned as he felt.
The eyes that looked back at him were duller than they'd been before; Beverly looked depressed. "The microbe's started. I feel despondent, and look." She held up her arm. Slight purple marks had started appearing. "It's starting."
"We'll be at Kaledia in two hours," said Picard approaching the quarantine field. "You'll be fine."
"I don't feel fine, Jean-Luc. I feel terrible." Beverly looked up at him and slowly slid off the bed. The captain felt a moment of panic because she seemed rather unsteady on her feet. But she managed to walk across to him and although they were only a few feet apart, there was a quarantine field between them. "And," she said, almost as a whisper, ”I haven't been able to touch anyone for what seems like years. All I need is a hug."
Picard could hear the sadness in her voice. He wished that he could reach out and comfort her. Instead, all he could say was, "I'd hug you if I could."
From his tone of voice, Beverly knew that he meant it. She smiled sadly at him, her gaze holding his.
The comm panel chimed. "Data to Captain Picard."
"Go ahead, Commander."
"We have your uniform ready."
"On my way." Picard looked at Beverly. ”I have to go on this Away Team. But I'll be back. Rain check on that hug."
"Promise?"
"Yes." Picard left Sickbay.
"Why don't I believe you?" Beverly asked thin air.
***
Picard stared at the skirt. "It has to be longer, Counselor."
"But..."
"Longer.”
Troi sighed and turned to the replicator. "Computer, increase skirt length by 30 centimetres."
Another skirt appeared, this one much longer. Picard nodded in approval. "Underwear type?"
"But unmarried —" began Troi.
"I'm not going to tell them, Counselor. Are you?" The look in his eyes told her that she'd better not say
yes.
"Er... no, Sir."
"Good." He looked over at his first officer. "Commander, we need to choose the rest of our Away Team."
Riker, all-business, replied, "Yes, Sir. We'll take Deanna, medical personnel..."
"Nurse Ogawa is very capable," said Troi. Riker nodded. "Okay, Nurse Ogawa. Then Doctor Martin and Lieutenant Worf."
Picard gave Riker a look. "Lieutenant Worf?" he asked, trying to contemplate the huge Klingon wearing a dress.
Riker grinned. "Sorry, Sir, forgot myself. We’ll take Ensign Ro instead."
Picard nodded. "Make it so." Riker was about to exit Sickbay when Picard added, "Oh, and Commander... black underwear would be appropriate."
"I'm not married, Sir. I haven't decided yet if - "
Picard only sighed. "All right, Commander." Riker walked out, still grinning, and Troi looked at her captain fiercely. "Captain, put the dress on. I have to speak to Will." She marched out of the ship's store after her beloved.
By now Will Riker was admiring himself in the mirror. His skirt was short, since it was based on the regulation uniform skirts which Starfleet had experimented with seven years before and eventually shelved. Then his door chimed and without waiting, Deanna Troi marched in. She was holding a pair of black regulation underwear. In his size (large).
"Deanna?"
"Here." She handed them to him.
'What's this?"
"Put them on."
"Why?"
"P-U-T T-H-E-M O-N!"
Riker put them on.
***
They were fifteen minutes from Kaledia, and Deanna was giving her sick friend some encouragement. "So that's it. Their customs aren't that different from ours. They're happy to help."
"That's good," said Beverly listlessly.
"Beverly, ask to see the captain."
Crusher shook her head. "He already said goodbye. I'll see him when he returns."
"Ask to see him now. It'll cheer you up."
'Why? What's going on?"
"Just do it. You'll feel better."
"Okay."
***
Once again Nurse Ogawa summoned Picard, who this time did not want to come down there, not now, not looking like he did. "Please, Sir, Doctor Crusher is asking for you," said Ogawa, putting on what she hoped was a panic-stricken voice.
"Nurse —" began Picard, but then Crusher broke in, sounding depressed. She did feel it, but she wouldn't soon! "Jean-Luc, please. There's something I have to tell you."
"All right, Doctor." Picard made his way to Sickbay and walked in wearing a knee-length, very handsome skirt and his regulation tunic. "Doctor, you..." he began, but didn't get further as his chief medical officer dissolved in laughter.
Deanna Troi, to her credit, didn't - she merely smiled.
"Very funny, Counselor," he said.
"Oh, you were right, Deanna," Crusher said. "I do feel better now." She made a big show of looking Picard up and down. "Sexy legs, Jean-Luc. I mean Captain. Er... Sir?" And she dissolved into more giggles.
"If you'll excuse me, Doctor," said Picard, "I have an Away mission to lead. Counselor." Deanna winked at Crusher before following Picard, who stopped at the door. "By the way, Doctor, what did you want to tell me?"
"Don't you think that what I told you was enough?"
"What?"
"Captain, what sexy legs you have," said Beverly in a little-girl voice.
Picard exited without replying.
***
The Away Team beamed into the medical complex, where they were greeted by the medical director, who had the medication ready. Picard ordered it beamed to the Enterprise immediately, but knew that he would have to meet the planet's director and be an ambassador for the Federation. His Away Team didn't look too excited at the prospect, but they dutifully followed Picard as their escorts took them to the Director's residence.
"Be careful of the wind," said their escort. "I have heard you are not used to it."
"We understand," replied Picard as they stepped outside and into the worst wind they had ever imagined. They were forced to walk at an angle just to keep from falling down, and Picard idly noted that one of their male escorts was, quite obviously, unmarried.
As the Director's official residence was not far away, they did not have a long walk. Picard had never been so glad for a pair of underwear in his life, because he was sure that he was half frozen by the time they got there.
"Ah, Captain Picard. I am pleased to meet you. Allow me to introduce my wife, Reliin, and our planetary spokesman, Aruun."
"Allow me to introduce my crew: Commander Riker, Counselor Troi, Doctor Martin, Nurse Ogawa and Ensign Ro."
"Delighted. Please, Captain, we have arranged a reception for you. Please follow me." As they followed the Spokesman, Reliin latched onto Picard as her escort and the Director escorted a smiling Counselor Troi. Ro Laren grabbed a surprised Doctor Martin, and Nurse Ogawa followed with an alarmed look on her face.
Picard sat next to the Director at an extremely thin table, the purpose of which became clear as one long tray was placed on it, and everyone just took what they wanted with their hands and began eating. The Enterprise crew followed suit, and soon they were eating heartily and discussing Federation politics. "No, we're a democratic body," said Picard around a mouthful of a delicious vegetable, which was also good manners on this world. "We have many different beliefs. We believe that there is beauty in our differences, that our differences are what make us — yow!" He yelped as a naked foot touched his leg.
"I'm sorry, Captain, what was that?" asked the Director, oblivious.
The foot had not gone away; instead it began inching up his leg. Jean-Luc looked around, straight into the eyes of the Director's wife, who smiled at him as if to say, 'How about it, big boy?'
Picard moved his leg out of the way and tried to remember what he had been saying. He addressed
himself to the Director. "Our differences are what make us unique."
"Hmmm, hmmm," the Director nodded. "An interesting philosophy. We have no such belief, since we have no large differences. We do not have people of such varying colours, for instance." He indicated Doctor Martin, who said, "It was an evolutionary response to Earth's varying weather conditions."
"Of course. Of course." Neither noticed Picard sit up suddenly as the foot inched itself into Picard's lap. He prayed that Reliin would notice his underwear and remove her foot; instead the foot began fishing around to figure out how to get inside!!! Picard jumped up from the table. "Captain! Are you all right?" asked the Director.
"Ah... ah... yes." Picard smoothed down his skirt. "I... I... need to enquire about Beverly... I mean, Doctor Crusher."
"Of course."
Picard tapped his communicator. "Picard to Enterprise. How is Doctor Crusher?"
"Lieutenant Selar; Doctor Crusher is improving. Her fever is down and her normal humour has returned."
"The pigmentation?"
"Fading."
"Good. Keep me informed. Picard out." Picard reseated himself, this time at a considerable distance from the table.
The dinner did not take much longer, and the Director offered them quarters in his residence so they would be able to tour the capital the next day.
Picard looked out of the window at the capital city and smiled. Everything was clean and looked beautiful and colourful. Picard knew that he would recommend the planet for Federation membership when the time came.
There was a soft knock at his door. "Come in," he said, and the door opened inward to reveal the Director's wife. She was dressed in what looked like an Earth dressing gown, and did not wait for Picard to say anything before she wrapped herself around him. "So, how about it?" she asked him.
"How about what?" asked Picard.
"Don't pretend you don't know. I saw how you were looking at me."
"I was not looking at you,' Picard spluttered. Then he realised that he had a way out... he hoped. "I... er... I'm wearing underwear."
"Oh, come, Captain. Underwear only means that you have responsibilities, it doesn't mean you can't have some fun."
"Wh... what about your husband?"
"He knows about it all. He has many friends, too. We're very happy."
Picard backed away. "Th...thank you for the offer, but... ah... it is not our custom."
"I'm not concerned with that. You look good enough to eat." She flung herself into his arms, toppling the poor man over. "Now..." she said, kissing his head. Picard did the only thing he could think of: pressed his communicator...
And on the Enterprise, the sound came over all the comm panels, since Picard had not directed it to a specific department.
"Uh... Mrs.... uh... Reliin... I really... I don't think your husband would approve."
"I told you, he won't mind."
"But I do, I..."
As the conversation continued, Beverly Crusher got angrier... and increasingly jealous. Eventually she could take it no more. "Ensign!"
"Yes, Doctor?"
"Get me my uniform."
"But, Doctor..."
"I'll handle this," came the voice from Doctor Selar. "You can't go down, Doctor. You need to get your strength back."
"Selar, listen to that!"
"Someone will do something, Doctor. Get back into bed."
Beverly didn't. "I am your superior officer, and I am ordering you to bring me a uniform.”
Selar was not the kind of person who bowed to pressure, but she knew that Crusher was out of danger, and she also suspected - well, more than that - how the doctor felt about a certain Jean-Luc Picard. So she relented. "Very well."
***
Picard was having no luck in fighting off the Director's wife. No matter what he said, she refused to take no for an answer. Eventually he'd captured her hands and was currently holding her down, away from him. "Please, madam, I really cannot help you."
Beverly Crusher materialised in the room to find Picard sitting atop a rather attractive woman and pinning her hands to the ground!
"Jean-Luc!" yelled Beverly.
Picard, startled, jumped up. "Beverly." Then something dawned on him. "Beverly?" He came towards her. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine." Beverly smiled evilly at him. She reached across and deactivated his communicator. "Having a good time I see."
"Uh... this isn't... uh...”
The Director's wife got up. "I see your... wife... has arrived. Well, I guess you were telling the truth after all. I apologise," she said to Crusher. "I'll be going now."
"Good idea," Crusher replied.
When Reliin had left, Beverly turned to Picard. "Can't leave you alone for a minute, can I?"
Both laughed. 'Why are you here?" the captain asked.
'We heard you."
"I had hoped Lieutenant Worf would hear and rescue me."
Beverly tried to be tactful. "The whole ship heard you."
"The whol-"
"Well, you didn't specify that you wanted to talk to anyone."
"Oh," said Picard.
Beverly took his arm. "Don't panic, Jean-Luc. I'm sure they’ve all forgotten about it by now." She patted his shoulder, looking up at him, a few fading purple blotches on her cheeks.
Picard smiled, thinking she looked very sweet with dishevelled hair and strange colouring. "Thank you for rescuing me," he said quietly.
Suddenly, the atmosphere changed. They were no longer on Kaledia IV, they were back in his quarters, and he was telling her that he loved her. Beverly tried to say something, but he captured her mouth with his and cut off her words. When they parted, Beverly spoke again. "Jean-Luc, we've been over this. I love you, you love me, but we agreed to take it slow. This is too fast."
"I know. I just... I love you. Sometimes, I... I..."
"You want me?"
Picard nodded. "I know there are no regulations against it, but I get scared, and somehow... that makes me want you all the more."
Beverly looked at him, harassed and insecure, and she knew that this was only his way of reminding himself that he had self-control, that he was not attracted to anyone else... which probably meant that he had been attracted to Reliin. Beverly knew that people who were attracted to each other often had nothing else in common and would never love each other, but that didn’t mean that the attraction wasn't there. All one had to do was ignore it. And Picard hadn't been able to do that; the woman had thrown herself at him, for goodness' sake.
"I'm still waiting for my hug, Jean-Luc," said Beverly taking a step closer to him, but Jean-Luc wasn't sure how to take that. After all, she had just told him that he was moving too fast.
"I thought you wanted to take it slow," he pointed out.
"Well... we don't have to sleep together, you know," she replied in a light tone. "But we can have that hug."
Picard hugged her. "I'm so glad you're all right," he finally said, planting a soft kiss atop her head. "You don't know how glad I am."
"I do love you, my captain," she said from the depths of his arms.
"I love you," he said. "Come on the tour of the city with me tomorrow?"
"All right."
"I'm glad you got sick, in a way," mused Picard. "Otherwise we would never have come here. I've learnt a few things."
"Oh? Like what?"
"That no other woman is meant for me. No one loves me like you do, and no one loves you like the way I do."
"Why, captain, what a nice thing to say. Cliched, but nice," she smiled.
"It's the truth."
"You know what else, my captain?"
"Huh?"
"You do look damn sexy in that dress!"
Their laughter rang out from Picard's assigned quarters... oh yes... and they enjoyed the tour, too.
The End