Chapter Text
Two hours before the cameras went on, there was a harsh rap on Daniel Howell’s dressing room door. The man inside startled, stopping his mindless scrolling. He glanced at the door just as someone walked through it. Unsurprisingly enough, a man with nearly salt and pepper hair walked into the room, flashing a gleaming white smile in the brunette's direction. A chiseled jaw with just a hint of scruff, manicured eyebrows, and coiffed hair made him almost sterile in his handsomeness. He smoothly shut the door behind him and approached the cushy seat positioned in front of the enormous mirror mounted on the wall casting a golden light over Dan’s face.
“Oh. Hey, Samuel,” Dan said. “Just, uh, doing some research.” He glanced down at his phone and maneuvered back to the Instagram page he was meant to be looking through.
“Anything I need to know?” Samuel leaned in to glance at Dan’s phone, gripping the back of the chair.
“Not much. We know how to pronounce his name, at least. We can avoid the whole Steph Oeswain debacle. And he hasn’t just gotten married or had a kid or anything, so I think we’re okay. There was an incident with the press earlier this week, but it’d be best to just not mention it, anyway, so.”
“He’s here for the new Marvel one, right?”
“Yeah. After they brought ‘em all back, there was plenty room for more spin-offs. All of the newly-alive characters bringing in some more money.”
“Yay,” Samuel drawled.
Dan realized he had subconsciously been leaning further and further into the counter and forced himself to relax backward. “Shut up. I happen to enjoy watching skimpily-clothed people run around and kill things. And, I mean. Chris Evans. And Benedict Cumberbatch.”
“Mm, yes, so wonderful. Anyway, you think you’re gonna be okay out there tonight? Or should I bring an extra pair of panties just in case?” He smirked teasingly, but there was something off about it, in the way his eyes crinkled, that made Dan pause.
“Whatever. I am a professional, so you can take your panties and shove them up your gorgeous ass.”
“Whatever you want. But it does seem like a missed opportunity. I can think of a few things I’d much rather put in my ass.” Samuel leaned closer, movements like a jaguar.
“What the fuck has gotten into you today?” Dan shoved him back softly, confusion in his voice.
“Nothing, nothing. Just excited to finish up the show today.”
Dan shot him a look. “We’re not actually finishing it. Just this batch. Don’t get your hopes up. ”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But still. Anyway, just try and keep it in your pants out there, Dan. Maybe you should try a cold shower beforehand.”
“Seems like I’m not the one who should be taking that shower right now, Samuel.” Dan raised an eyebrow. Something inside him felt like it was made of metal as it clanged against his ribcage.
“Only if you’ll join me.”
“Oh, shut up.” Dan’s reply was automatic but didn’t come out quite as jokingly as it usually did. He was probably just tired. Besides, he knew Samuel didn’t notice, anyway, so what difference did it make?
“Okay, okay, shutting up.” Samuel laughed. And then descended a heavy silence in which both men ran out of TV persona to draw on to continue their conversation. Dan fidgeted in his seat before collecting himself and plastering on a pleasant look. But he still couldn’t meet Samuel’s eyes. The only noise was the bustle in the hallway of crew members running back and forth, calling out commands and lugging around props.
And in an act of bravery - or masochism - that he knew he would regret, Dan decided to add his voice to theirs, flicking his eyes up. “So. You, uh, heard anything back from the guys in LA?”
Samuel’s eyes hardened slightly. “No, no, not yet. I’m still kinda trying to figure it all out, y’know. Just waiting for a call and, uh, we’ll see.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I get it. For sure. I’m sure they love you. I know I would.” Dan froze inwardly. Would he?
“Ha. Thanks. We’ll see. I don’t know.”
And then began a familiar dance.“No, no! No, I’m sure you’re gonna get it. For sure.”
Samuel waved a hand dismissively. “Nah. I dunno.”
Rolling his eyes internally, Dan changed the topic, “Whatever. But, uh, hey, shouldn’t we be heading out to meet him about now?”
“Oh, shit, you’re right. Yeah, let’s go.” He turned swiftly and started towards the door. Dan didn’t budge. “C’mon.”
“Y’know, I think I’m just gonna sit here and. Prepare myself. Y’know, the panties and all.” He let out a hollow laugh.
Samuel chuckled. “Yeah, alright. See you soon. Don’t keep him waiting too long.”
“Trust me. I’m not about to keep Benedict-motherfucking-Cumberbatch waiting.”
“Right, right, alright.” His hand on the door handle, Samuel paused. He crossed back over to Dan and pressed a kiss to his lips quickly. A pause. Without a word, he then left the room, closing the door behind him with a satisfying thud. His shoes echoed down the hall on the linoleum floors.
Dan fought the urge to sigh into his hands like a teenage girl. Thankfully, it worked. Barely. He looked at himself in the mirror. “Oh, fuck me.”
And with one last check, straightening his immaculate tie and brushing non-existent lint off of his shoulders, he left as well. The door clicked shut behind him.
***
The show went wonderfully. Of course, it did. Because, after all, Dan was a professional. And that remarkable, unshakable professionalism was exactly why he was gulping down red wine alone in his apartment at eight o’clock on a Friday night. Like the classy bitch he was. Because he was a motherfucking professional. And he knew how to act like one. And that’s why by nine o’clock on a Friday night, his greasy pizza lying next to him, Dan was molded into his sofa, watching some Netflix anime that he wasn’t paying attention to.
Because, as a professional, one cannot take it personally when one’s co-host of several years, not to mention one’s boyfriend, decides to fuck off to Los Angeles, California on a trip he never mentioned, leaving one alone on a Friday night in the apartment they shared to drink and gorge oneself on carbs. Because it cannot be personal. Because it was the job opportunity he had been searching for for years. And, though one might not want to move across the country to a city one has only visited a few times, and never for extended periods of time, one knows that it would be a decision they would make. Because it doesn't matter. Not leaving one’s show they have cultivated and grown for years or friends or home, or anything else. Because the relationship is more important than little things like that. And besides, one knows that because of this show, they are not exactly strapped for cash, so one knows that it will be fine. Because one is a professional.
And because Dan was a goddamn professional and he had a wrap-up meeting early the next day, he made sure to be good and passed out by eleven o’clock on that dreary Friday night.
***
“Hey! Dan. So glad you picked up. I have something to tell you. Babe, I think… I think it's really happening. I think this might work. They really love me, and I know I’d think it over and, like, take my time, but it’s just. It’s incredible. Just absolutely incredible, Dan. They’re paying me everything I talked about and then some and there’s talk of a sequel, and my name’s gonna be on all of the posters and I get my own trailer and all of that shit and I won’t have to smile for dumbass celebrities all day, I’ll smile for me. And. Shit. Alright, sorry.
I know this will be hard. For both of us. But I think it’s definitely for the best. And I start immediately. Like, really soon. It’s, uh, it’s a good thing I flew down here when I did, y’know? Heh. Uh.
Anyway, so I was thinking. I know we talked about - if I got it and all - you coming with me and trying to find work or something? But, like. Listen. You’d still have the show, right? If I left. It’s our show. And, like, yeah, sometimes they just swap out the host and keep on, but, like, we were the ones that really got it off the ground, y’know? So. Would you really wanna give that up, hand it over to some stranger who might not know what to do, and move thousands of miles away without any guarantees? I couldn’t do that to you, baby.
And it’s not like I’m getting any younger, y’know? Like, I don’t know. You should find someone that’s not gonna die, like, twenty years before you, y’know. Just. Don’t you think it’d be better if we just? Went our separate ways? I mean, we had some good times for sure! And you’re great, Dan. Just with me moving and, like, everything. It’d just be easier. Kinda… inevitable, y’know? So let’s just rip off the Band-Aid, y’know? I know you understand. Everyone thinks you’re so sarcastic and grumpy all of the time. That whole Ice Queen thing. But you’re so understanding with me. You’ve been so good. Thanks for that, Dan. Oh, and I did find a place to live. With an old college friend, Derek. You remember him, from dinner a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, after that night, we started talking again and he lives in LA now so he offered to take me in and. He’s been really welcoming and stuff.
And I hear they’ve already found someone for you. Think he’s pretty - well, I’ve never actually met him, but I’ve heard he’s good. It’ll be fun. You’ll get out of your comfort zone and all that. So.
Sorry for not telling you sooner. And for doing this over the phone. But, y’know. Just.
We recorded something that aired after yesterday’s episode for my retirement or whatever, so. Oh, and I already grabbed all of the stuff I really want from the apartment, so the rest of the shit’s yours if you want it. If not, whatever. That’s fine.
I’m sure you’re gonna do amazing, Dan. Good luck, break a leg, be seeing you. Lo -
Uh.
Bye, then.”