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I've just one wish on this Christmas eve
I wish I were with you
NEW YORK, 2003.
Christmas at the Lightwoods has always been a night of traditions. Traditions Alec can’t even remember when they started. As far as he’s concerned, they have always been. They’ve always celebrated on Christmas Eve rather than Christmas Day and it’s always been an all day affair. They start with an early dinner, a meal his mother starts making early in the day without help from anyone. The one time someone tried to help was a couple of years ago when Isabelle volunteered and that had ended up in a disaster of overly salted Christmas cookies and a suspicious brown ham. Dinner is followed by the opening of gifts, they each go in turn so that everyone can appreciate the gifts given and received. Then there’s hot chocolate for the kids and mulled wine for the adults (and Alec ever since he turned nineteen because his parents decided he was mature enough for one glass). Then they start the Christmas movie marathon. They start with one classic and keep going until everyone either falls asleep or can’t take it anymore.
Every Christmas is the same. Every Christmas is lovely. The past two years would be the exception. Alec doesn’t know what happened between his parents but it’s very obvious that something has happened. The way they speak to each other and the looks given over the dinner table is enough to make the room grow quiet. Tonight has been particularly bad and it hasn’t helped that Alec has found that he doesn’t even want to be here tonight. Not when Magnus is twenty minutes away, spending his night in a hospital with his mother. That’s where Alec wants to be.
He can’t skip Christmas though. His parents would never understand, it means so much to them that they might hate him even more if he had told them he wasn’t going to come.
He’s the first to settle on the couch with his warm glass of mulled wine. He swirls his cinnamon stick and watches as the red liquid stains the orange slice into a deeper shade of red. His phone beeps twice in his pocket and he pulls out the small silver phone, smiles at the name that’s lit in light blue on the front window, flips it open and presses the center ‘OK’ button to read his text from Magnus.
Stop worrying about me. Enjoy the movies w ur family :)
Alec sighs. He wishes he could but he honestly misses Magnus too much.
“Alright, what is up with you?” his mother asks, holding her glass of mulled wine steady as she sits in the armchair beside the couch. “You’ve been tapping away all night long!” She gestures at the phone in his hand.
Alec flips his phone shut, glancing at her hesitantly. “I think I’m gonna go ahead and call it a night,” he says, setting his glass down on the coffee table and then stands. “There’s somewhere I need to be.”
His mother’s eyes widen, her mouth slackening slightly, and he can tell she’s offended. As if the thought of her children wanting to spend their Christmas anywhere other than in her home is the worst thing she could ever imagine. “Somewhere else? On Christmas Eve? Where on Earth could you have to be on Christmas Eve?”
“Let him live, Maryse,” his father says unconcerned, entering the room with Jace and Isabelle trailing behind him. He doesn’t even bother to look up from his glass that he then takes a sip of.
His mom closes her eyes. It’s taking everything in her to not blow up on their father. Her nostrils flare when she breathes out and then she finds Alec again when she opens her eyes. “What is it, Alec?”
Alec slips his phone in his pocket and then rubs at the back of his neck. It feels like forever passes before he finally decides that enough is enough. He can’t keep this a secret from his parents forever, nor does he want to. Quite the opposite actually, Magnus is the best thing that has ever happened to him. If there’s one thing he’s certain of for his future, it’s that Magnus is it. It’s only been a few months since they started seeing each other but Alec can’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else. He’s never felt this way about anyone. He didn’t even know it was possible to feel this way. Like he’s the happiest man alive. The luckiest person on the planet because he gets to look into Magnus’ eyes after he’s laughed until he’s breathless, he’s the one who gets to kiss Magnus’ lips first thing in the morning and every night before bed, he’s the one who gets to hold Magnus’ hands and pull him close whenever he wants.
It’s about time his parents knew as much.
He glances at his brother and sister who watch him closely, as if they know what he’s contemplating and he supposes they do because they both give him the faintest of smiles. Enough support and encouragement in that one look from them both that it gives Alec the last bit of strength he needs to finally be open with his parents. He’s already come out to them and they didn’t take it too well, not as bad as it could have been but bad enough that it feels as if they’ve brushed it under the rug. They treat it as if it’s a problem that doesn’t exist so long as Alec is single. He supposes he’s avoided telling them about Magnus because now the truth will be out there without question. There will be no turning a blind eye to it anymore. No more avoiding the truth and pretending it doesn’t exist. Magnus will be a part of Alec’s life, for a very very long time, perhaps forever; of that Alec is certain. Alec doesn’t know how they’ll react when they realize this but he’s tired of hiding and he’s ready for everything to be out in the open.
He takes in a breath, bracing himself and then plants his hands on his hips. “I’ve met someone. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months now.” His mother’s eyes widen and his father finally looks up from his drink to look at his son. “And his mother is in the hospital and I’d like to be with him right now.”
He didn’t know it was possible to disappoint his mother even more but her frown somehow deepens. “I’m sorry to hear about his mother, but can’t it wait until tomorrow? This is tradition and you can’t just leave your family on Christmas Eve for a… boy you’re seeing.”
“He’s not just a boy I’m seeing, Mom,” Alec says, a little more harshly than he intended but it needs to be said and he needs them to understand this. “His name’s Magnus and he’s going to be around for a while, so you might want to start getting used to that. And right now, he needs me to be there for him and that’s more important than any tradition. If it were you in the hospital, I’m sure you’d understand.”
His mother swallows, his father sips at his wine and a bated silence settles between them.
“Magnus is really cool, Mom,” Jace chimes in helpfully, crossing his arms. That body language always seems to make everything he says just that much more confident and undeniable.
Isabelle scoots forward in her seat and smiles sweetly at their parents, nodding. “And super nice. And a great cook, and we all know Alec could use that,” she finishes with a chuckle, Jace joining her.
Alec smiles at them and mutters out a quiet, “thanks, guys,” and then looks back at his mom. “Magnus means a lot to me, Mom. I love him.” Her eyes find him when he says this, holding a surprised and impossibly resigned expression. “I can miss this one Christmas for him,” Alec finishes, his voice holding more certitude he even knew was possible with his fears and hopes warring inside of him.
He hopes, with everything he has, that this will be enough to make her finally be happy for him. That he will be able to build a future with Magnus and that his mother will be a part of it. You never know how much your parents’ approval means to you until you find yourself not having it. He wishes he cared less; he pretends he does, but his family has always been close. They mean the world to him and he loves his mother so much, so he wishes that she could just… love him enough to be happy for him.
She sucks in a breath, her nose and cheeks turning red before she blinks quickly and looks away. She rises from her seat and leaves the room. Alec looks at his dad and finds him shaking his head sadly, turning to follow after his wife.
Alec swallows past the thickening in his throat and nods at no one –maybe at himself, acknowledging once and for all that maybe his parents won’t love him enough to love every part of him.
“Alec…” Isabelle starts and Alec shakes his head at her.
“I’ll see you for New Years, okay?” he says.
Isabelle and Jace nod at him.
“Merry Christmas.”
He’s in the foyer and at the elevator before he can register their quiet responses. He takes it down and the doorman hails a cab for him. The ride to the hospital is quiet; he spends it clicking through his messages with Magnus to find the room number where his mother is. When he gets to the hospital, he pays and tips the taxi driver, wishing him a Merry Christmas before stepping out onto the snowy sidewalk.
His phone beeps twice in his hand and he flips open his phone to find two new messages from his mother.
Alec. I’m sorry. I hope you know that I love you with all my heart and I promise I will make an effort to be better. I only want what’s best for you and I can (1/2)
See that he means a lot to you. I hope his mother is doing well. Give them my best wishes. Merry Christmas. Love, Mom. (2/2)
He smiles and lets out a breath that fills the cold air around him in a cloud, clutching the phone tightly in his hands. It’s as if a cage around his lungs has been released. Effort. One word that is enough to spark in him so much hope. Hope for his future. Hope for his happiness.
He sends back a quick message to her. Thank you. I love you. Merry Christmas.
He tucks his phone away and finds his way through the winding halls of the hospital until he gets to the elevators. After that, Ami’s room is relatively easy to find and he can see through the cracked blinds in the window that Magnus is curled up in the seat.
Alec slowly opens the door and, being careful not to make too much sound, shuts it softly behind him. Magnus is sleeping. His head rests against a pillow he has propped up on the arm rest and even though the positioning looks entirely uncomfortable, he’s sleeping soundly. Ami is asleep too in her bed, blankets not quite tucked in around her. Alec lifts the blanket up to cover her arms and then turns to Magnus. He does the same for his boyfriend and pulls up the blanket to his shoulder and kisses him softly on the forehead. He hates that he missed him for the night but he figures he can settle in and wait for him to wake up. It will feel nice just to be here with Magnus at all.
He brushes his fingers lightly in Magnus’ hair and smiles. He already feels better about this night, even though Magnus is asleep. He just needed to be there for him, and he is now, whether Magnus knows it or not. A sense of peace takes over him, enveloping him with warmth and affection. It’s only when a quiet, feeble voice whispers at his back that Alec manages to tear his gaze away from his slumbering boyfriend.
“Do you need me to leave you two alone so you can stare lovingly at my son in private?”
Alec feels his cheeks redden all the way to the tip of his ears, but he turns to face Ami anyway. Her deep amber eyes –so similar to Magnus’– bore into him, tired but tender. Alec walks to the nightstand to pour her a glass of water before walking back to her, sitting on the edge of her hospital bed and watching her as she drinks.
“How are you feeling?”
Ami shakes her hand dismissively and smiles up at him. "I'm doing splendid,” she says, and her gaze is firm albeit gentle, forbidding him to pry further into her worrying health. They don’t know what she has just yet, but Alec has seen her tremble uncontrollably before, and she fell this morning simply because her body apparently gave out, so he fears the diagnosis might not be as positive as they all hope it to be. Magnus has been asking her to go see a doctor for a while, but Ami is stubborn although she is reluctant to admit it, a trait she passed on to her son. “How are you doing? I didn't think we'd be seeing you tonight. Weren't you celebrating Christmas Eve with your family?"
This is such a Bane thing to do that Alec has to smile and indulge her. This is what Magnus does too, caring for others when he wants to divert their attention away from him, comfortable in the spotlight only on his own terms and when he can hide his vulnerability from the world. As much as he wishes he never had to see it, for Magnus deserves to be happy indefinitely, Alec feels impossibly proud to be allowed to see the other side of him, the unguarded one Magnus reserves for the people he trusts and loves entirely.
“I did,” Alec replies eventually, taking the cup from her when she is finished. “But I wanted to check on you and Magnus so I called it an early night.”
"I guess you're still spending it with family then," Ami says with a conniving smile.
Alec’s stomach flutters a little at the thought. It might be too early, or perhaps it is just the perfect time as it always seems to be with Magnus, but he hopes one day he’ll make this a reality rather than a word heavy with meaning. Magnus. His family. It sounds like a beautifully beguiling thought.
He can feel a blush blooming on his cheeks again when he replies, “I guess I am.” It is only partly to conceal his flush that he turns to Magnus, who sighs quietly and shuffles a little on the uncomfortable chair but remains firmly asleep. He’s wearing one of Alec’s hoodies, and Alec feels ridiculously content at the idea that he might have found the comfort he needed in that simple piece of clothing because Alec couldn’t be there, that he still seeked a kind of relief in Alec nonetheless. “I’m glad he’s getting some rest,” he murmurs.
Ami nods softly, her brows furrowing gingerly. "Me too,” she agrees, pausing for a second to dart her eyes to her son. “He worries too much about his mother, that boy.” There is an infinite fondness in her amber gaze, but it quickly morphs into playfulness when she glances back at Alec, smirking. “Or maybe he just can't sleep because he's too busy messaging you all the time."
Alec chuckles, shrugging unapologetically. “Both of those are true.” He pauses, lets her get lost in her thoughts for a moment before he tilts his head to the side. “Hey, do you want some hot chocolate? I can go get us some.”
“I’d love that,” Ami replies, pointing a finger at her handbag sitting in a corner of the room. “I’ve got change in my purse, take some–”
Alec cuts her off with a playful glare, pushing off the bed to grab his wallet in his coat. “I’ve got this, Ami. I can treat you to a hot chocolate.”
Ami lifts a defiant eyebrow. “I mean, I’ve seen the apartments you and Magnus have been looking at,” she retorts, smirking.
Alec stares at her, unimpressed, but his lips twitch with the beginning of a smile despite his best attempt at keeping a straight face. “Alright,” he chuckles, heading to the door, “they’re small but we like them and that’s all we need.”
“It’s not about how big a place is,” she says, “it’s about your ability to overfill it with love and happiness and make it a home.”
Alec takes a look at Magnus’ sleeping form. There is no doubt in his mind that he and Magnus will manage to do just that when they move in together in the summer.
He doesn’t reply, but he is sure Ami reads in his eyes his answer. She has a way of sometimes knowing what he thinks by looking into his eyes alone. That seems to be a Bane trait as well.
“I’ll be right back with those hot chocolates,” he says, and walks out of the room.
Alec follows the polished linoleum grey floor, ignoring the undertone of bleach filling the air. It makes him scrunch up his nose a little but if he ever wants to accomplish his dreams and become a surgeon, he will have to get used to that.
The hospital hallway isn’t too frantic. Alec can see the ambulances lining up outside, two paramedics chatting nearby the automatic sliding glass doors. There is a man murmuring with a kid in a neck brace, brows furrowed in worry but affection in his eyes. The hallways are otherwise silent, as if time has stopped outside to allow the people working here tonight a moment of respite for Christmas Eve. Alec walks to the vending machine in the guest station. There is already someone there, a tall man with dark skin and shoulders slouched with fatigue. He is wearing scrubs and cursing profusely, albeit under his breath, at the machine that, Alec can fathom, swallowed his money but refused to give him the intended bag of chips.
Digging in his wallet, Alec walks up to him, ignoring the man’s look of surprise, slides some coins in the machine and selects the same bag of chips, watching as two of them fall down.
The man turns to Alec, smiling a tired but benevolent smile. “Thank you, kid,” he says, voice deep and affable. “I’m on hour eleven and I am starving.”
“No problem,” Alec replies, shrugging. His eyes fling down to the label on his scrubs, widening a little when he reads the words Dr. Luke Garroway, M.D. Neurosurgery.
It’s one of the specialities Alec has been thinking about, although he hasn’t decided on anything yet. He won’t have to for a long while –this is only his second year after all– but he wonders if this could be for him. He knows it’s particularly hard and long but Alec has never been one to back out from a challenge. He grew up with Jace and Izzy, after all. Magnus keeps telling him he can do anything, and although he is undoubtedly biased, Alec likes to believe him. Magnus has this way of seeing him the way Alec never saw himself. He hopes that never goes away, because Alec wants to become that man Magnus sees in him.
“I should get back,” Dr. Garroway says, patting Alec’s shoulder. “Thanks again. Merry Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas,” Alec replies, but the man is already rushing out of the door, munching on his chips.
Alec smiles to himself, going back to the vending machine. He gets their two hot chocolates and walks back to Ami’s hospital room, careful not to spill any.
She smiles at him when he gets back, sitting down in her bed. Magnus is still fast asleep at her side, his peaceful features squashed against the pillow. Alec hands her the drink before grabbing a second chair to place it next to his boyfriend’s.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” she mutters softly. “Can you grab my handbag for me, please?”
Alec nods, holding it out for her. She rummages inside for a second and plucks out a neatly wrapped gift, giving it to him with a wink.
Alec rushes to grab it, blinking up at her in surprise and inquiry.
Ami rolls her eyes, biting her bottom lip on a laugh. “It’s for you, Alec,” she tells him. “Merry Christmas.”
“Oh,” Alec murmurs eloquently. “Oh!”
“Open it!” she berates him, chuckling.
Alec obliges, unwrapping the paper carefully. It’s a book, the cover beautifully depicting colorful flowers enveloping various animals, the words ‘Indonesian Tales’ inscribed at the top.
“I remember you telling me you wanted to learn more about our culture,” she eludes with one of her soft, motherly smiles she has been sometimes giving him ever since she realized he was wholly and unconditionally in love with her son. She motions for him to give him the book and he does cautiously. She quickly flips through the pages, stopping on one with the words ‘Mouse Deer and the Tigers’ written above an illustration of the animals. “This is a famous Indonesian tale I used to read to Magnus when he was little. It was his favorite.”
Alec’s heart tightens in his chest at the attention, and he grins up at her. “He told me about it, when I asked about the wooden box with the carved tiger in your living room.”
“That’s where it comes from,” she says with a nod, taking a sip of hot chocolate.
“Thank you so much, Amisha,” Alec says, feeling incredibly grateful for her, for how great of a mother she is to Magnus, how much she loves him, and for how absolutely welcoming and caring she has been towards Alec himself ever since he quite literally walked into Magnus’ life and decided to bring peace to his heart and stay. “Will you read it to me?” he asks somewhat sheepishly.
Ami’s entire face lights up when she beams. “Of course!” she exclaims joyfully, and settles more comfortably in the bed.
Alec shuffles into his seat, tugging himself closer to Magnus, wrapping an arm against the back of his chair.
Ami’s voice is delicate and smooth as velvet when she starts reading, and a simple sentence is enough for Alec to understand why Magnus keeps such cherished memories of his mother reading to him as a boy.
“Once upon a time, there was a mouse deer living in a forest…”
The place itself and the worry that accompanies it put aside, Alec thinks this Christmas could bring new traditions to his life, ones he will certainly never want to forgo as long as he has Magnus by his side.
.
Magnus wakes up to warmth coursing through his whole body, the soft voice of his mother telling a story he is all too familiar with, and delicate fingers mapping gentle circles on his shoulder. For a second, he forgets where he is, so utterly and impossibly serene that the thought of being in a hospital in that moment seems entirely ludicrous.
He blinks his eyes open and finds his mother sitting on the hospital bed, reading a story he has heard countless times before but never grows tired of. It takes him a moment to realize the fingers brushing against his shoulder can’t possibly be hers, and one more to recognize the soft aroma in the air as Alec’s fragrance.
Magnus shuffles a little in his seat, craning his neck to see his boyfriend who, despite being seemingly entranced in the story Magnus’ mother is telling, glances down to smile at him, broad and warm and utterly breathtaking.
“Hey,” he whispers, low enough not to disrupt the reading.
Magnus sits properly, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. “Hey, yourself,” he murmurs. “I thought you were spending the night with your family.”
Alec shrugs dismissively, but Magnus isn’t fooled, the light blush on his boyfriend’s cheeks speaking for itself.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Magnus says with finality, laying his head on Alec’s shoulder.
Alec presses a kiss to his forehead, and Magnus can feel his smile against his skin. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he murmurs.
Magnus hums in content, turning back to his mother, who keeps reading as if nothing interrupted her. Magnus knows her enough to recognize the knowing glint in her eyes, however.
His heart is clutching in his chest but there is nothing painful about it, nothing similar to the agonizing concern that accompanied him to this hospital a few hours ago. They have to wait for the results on his mother’s health, and although he fears it won’t be the one he wants to hear –that she is healthy and her fall was just a misstep– he manages, by some Christmas miracle perhaps, to find a source of joy to hold on to for the time being.
He didn’t know, when he first met Alec a few months ago in the late days of summer, that it would come to this. That Alec would become in such a short span of time a tower of strength and love and passion for Magnus to rely on. That Magnus could love as fiercely as his heart allows him now and be loved just as madly in return.
He didn’t know he would find someone who was willing to forgo the family traditions he had known his whole life to join Magnus and his mother at a hospital on Christmas Eve instead, and look perfectly content there. Someone who would charm his mother into reading Magnus’ favorite childhood tale, and even more, into accepting him into their family as if he had been there forever.
Forever doesn’t seem so scary now, Magnus ponders to himself.
Forever seems perfectly appropriate when it comes to Alec, for as shortly as they have been together, Magnus has no doubt they will walk a long and blissful path side by side.
If he closes his eyes and lets himself dream of the future, there is Alec, taking him by the hand and guiding him down a trail Magnus had never imagined himself following.
“I love you,” Magnus murmurs, quietly enough that the words belong to Alec alone.
His fingers squeeze Magnus’ shoulders lightly, and Alec nuzzles against his hairline, pressing another kiss to his forehead. “I love you, too. Merry Christmas, Magnus.”
But it isn’t a dream, Magnus realizes, warmth spreading through his chest, for they are paving this road together, a road of unconditional love and everlasting faith, and nothing has ever felt so real.
“Merry Christmas, Alexander.”