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A year and a half in the making. Never before have you had the chance at love like you had now. He is so caring and sweet, it certainly isn't his fault. It always seems whenever something good happens in your life fate decides to drop an anvil on it, especially relationship wise. So in an attempt to save yourself from heartbreak, you decide to put a bit of distance between you and Sam. It's for the best after all.
The door to the bunker creeps open with a loud squeak, the volume being beaten out only by the elephant herd of footsteps that accompanied you and the boys. You are down first, keeping Dean as a buffer zone between you and your boyfriend. You had started to feel his annoyance earlier that day, but elected to ignore it for the time being.
"So glad to be back." Dean sighs as he throws his bag into an unoccupied chair.
"Yea, it's nice to be home." You try to smile and hide the hairs standing on the back of your neck. You know Sam is eyeing you, he knows something is wrong. "I'm gonna head to my room and get this stuff put away."
Dean waves you off as he goes to grab a drink, Sam hot on your tail as soon as the older Winchester is gone. "Hey (y/n)?" He asks as he sets a hand on your shoulder.
You don't turn to look at him because you don't want to see the pain in his eyes. You have been avoiding him for weeks and you know how much that has to be hurting him, though it's hurting you just as much if not more. Your heart breaks just feeling the way his fingers are pressed into your shoulder. You can feel how much he cares mixed with the fear you might panic and run.
"Not now, Sam." You say, trying to hide the sadness in your voice.
He is silent for a moment before sliding past you and standing in front of you. "What is going on with you? You've been pushing me away for weeks, avoiding me like the plague. You know I'm here for you (y/n)."
Your resolve crumbled as tears began to fall from your cheeks. You tried to smile and wipe it away, but his arms wrapping around you finally broke the dam. You missed his strong arms around you, the smell of old leather that often accompanied him, the warmth emanating from him, and the sweet sound of his voice. This moment made you realize how stupid your plan was. There was no way you could not love this giant puppy hugging you.
"(Y/n). What on Earth is going on? Did I do something-"
"No, you did nothing wrong. You are amazing and sweet and caring and funny and perfect." You interrupted him before he could say it. You could never let him feel guilty for your choice.
"Then what is it babe?" He asks, pulling away just enough for you to look up at him. Then you could see it, that dreaded hurt puppy face. You have never been able to say no to it.
"It's not you I swear." You smile, trying to make him feel better.
"I get that, but this is obviously bothering you." He frowns, obviously not accepting your attempts to bypass the conversation.
You rest your head against his chest with a groan "It's for the best." you whisper, more to yourself than to him.
He pulls away for a second to look at you, his eyes full of sorrow. "(y/n), are you breaking up with me?"
You quickly shake your head and step away. "I, I don't know..." you clutch your head and curl in on yourself as tears streamed down your cheeks. "I'm sorry, Sam." you quickly grab your bag and run down the hall to hide in your room, the door slamming loudly behind you.
Dean heard the slam and followed the noise to see his younger brother standing dumbfounded in the middle of the hall. His eyes were full of sadness and confusion as he stared down towards the direction you ran in. Dean stood there for a moment trying to figure out what happened and after a moment he put two and two together. Carefully, he crept up to the younger Winchester and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, breaking Sam out of his trance.
"What happened?" Dean asked quietly, the sadness on Sams' face breaking his heart.
"I think she just broke up with me?" he asked uncertainly "I don't know, she seemed really confused."
"She has been really distant lately..." Dean mumbled as he watched Sam turn towards your direction again. "You should talk to her, figure out whats going on."
"I don't think she wants to talk to me right now." He sounded unintentionally harsh, more than he meant to, but Dean let it slide.
"Come on." Dean gestured for Sam to follow, putting a finger to his lips to say he needs to stay quiet. Sam followed, his footsteps silent as Dean walked normally. "(y/n)?" He called as he knocked on the door.
"What." you growl in an attempt to hide your sob, though it doesn't work.
"Hey, I heard the door slam. Sam's really upset, whats going on sweetheart?" he made no effort to get you to open the door, which you appreciated. You really didn't want Dean to see how ugly of a crier you are.
"It's, uh... It's nothing, Dean. Don't worry about it." You wipe your eyes and curl in on yourself on the bed, trying to hold back more tears.
"Little late there." Dean chuckled in an attempt to make you feel better. "Just tell me what's wrong. Sam wasn't the only one noticing you getting distant." His eyes fell back to Sam who stood with his arms crossed and his back pressed against the wall.
You are silent for a moment before responding. "This isn't how I planned for this all to go, you have to believe that."
Sam visibly shifted as he heard the pain in your voice. All he wanted to do was reach out to you, to hold you close and tell you whatever was going on you would get through it. However, the wooden door between you along with the mixed emotions created a tough barrier to push through, so for the moment, he kept his spot along the wall.
"Of course." Dean sighed, he hated these chick flick moments, but he knew without him as a buffer things would only get worse, and he liked having you around.
"I always make the same mistakes. I pushed Sam away and hurt him, but I'm so sick of being hurt." You tried to stop a sob by burying your face in the pillow, but it didn't work as well as you'd hoped.
Sam stepped away from the wall in shock, scared he might have done something to you. "What do you mean you're sick of being hurt? Sam never did anything to you-"
"No, not sam." You interrupted him. "Sam is amazing, I've never had someone care about me more than him, besides maybe you." You tried to joke, your laugh obviously forced.
Dean watched as Sam stood down, but he was obviously more intent on listening now. "Then what, (y/n)?"
"I believe that we're meant to be, but jealousy gets the best of me. I see Sam and I always feel like I'm not good enough, like I can never be quite right for him." You begin to cry again, but this time you don't stop it. You let the tears fall down the side of your face and roll across the bridge of your nose onto the sheets below you. "I don't mean to frustrate you Dean, but I always make the same mistakes."
"What kind of mistakes? Remember that I've been here with you two since before you were dating and I can honestly say I have no idea what you mean." Sam had shifted across the hall and was now leaning against the door frame, his head against the wooden door to listen.
"Where do I start?" you asked with a huff as you got up and pressed your back against the cool wood, sliding down until your butt hit the floor. You pulled your knees to your chest and began to think back. "There was this boy back home in Michigan, he always tasted like Jack when I was kissing him. I told him that I never really liked his friends so now he's gone and he's calling me a bitch again. Before that there's a guy who lives in New Jersey (The garden state). He told me that we'd make it till we graduate, so I told him that school would be worth the wait, but he wanted me in the kitchen with a dinner plate."
"That doesn't sound like it was your fault." Dean sighed, watching his brother wearily as Sam shifted again, not liking what he was hearing.
"I don't know, I mean- Ugh." you buried your head in your knees for a moment before continuing. "I had a girl with California eyes, the most breathtaking blue you could ever see. I thought she could really be the one this time, but I never got the chance to make her mine because she died from an overdose. Cocaine, can you believe that?" Another sob escaped your throat as you tried to wipe away your tears.
Sam was holding out just as badly as you were. His eyes were red and a few spare tears had fallen, but he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand. he could almost see you in all of these situations, the guys from Michigan and New Jersey, the girl from California. He could see how happy and dedicated you were before the relationship fell through and how you beat yourself up thinking it was your fault when it so obviously wasn't.
"Then there was this London girl that I met a little while before I met Sam. She had such an attitude. We never told no one but we looked so cute together. We both had way better things to do, but I still think about her when I'm riding through that old town."
You were about to continue, but a different voice came from the door than that of Deans who you had been talking to. "(y/n)..."
"Sam? How much did you hear?" You asked nervously, hoping, praying that he didn't hear you.
"Enough." You could hear the pain in his voice as he leaned against the door where Dean had been previously. "I get it now. I know that you're afraid I'm gonna walk away each time the feeling fades, but (y/n) you know me. You know I could never do that to you."
"Sam, it's not that. I'm bad at love. But you can't blame me for trying, you know I'd be lying saying you were the one that could finally fix me looking at my history and how screwed up it is. You did nothing wrong, but I know what it means to get attached, especially to a hunter even more so a Winchester. You guys die like rabbits breed." You laugh a bit at your own joke, Sam doing the same.
"(y/n), I know first hand how hard it is to find love in this line of work. Between Jess, Madison, Amelia, Amy, Eileen, Ruby, more names than I can count. Things haven't been easy for me, for anyone, but dammit (y/n) if I don't try to hold on to you for dear life." His forehead rested against the door in defeat as he breathed heavily. "Please, just open the door."
You didn't need any more encouragement. You jumped up from your spot and threw open the door, running into Sams arms. He quickly caught you, his arms wrapping around your shoulders tightly as if loosening his hold at all would have you taken away from him. You missed the warmth he offered, the safety you felt in his arms. His lips brushed against the top of your head.
"I'm just so scared, Sam." You cry into his shirt.
"It's okay babe, we can get through anything. We always do." His hands gently stroked your back and the back of your head comfortingly as he seated you side to side.
"Thank you, Sam." You smile and kiss the area just over his heart through his shirt, making him chuckle.
"Your not bad at love, you just were looking in the wrong direction." Dean smirks as he pats your back and walks back to the war room.
"Come on, let's get this stuff put away." Sam smiles as he leads you back into the room, his grin contagious as your face broke out into one as well.