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“You know”, Erin commented as she stepped into the firehouse early one December morning, shaking her head to get the snow off her cap, making Holtzmann smirk with this behaviour, “I talk about moving to the country side every single summer, because New York is awful in summer, but now in winter? I love it.”
She smiled brightly, and Holtzmann could feel her heart skip a beat; she told herself not to be ridiculous, Erin was her colleague and her friend, and she couldn’t start having heart palpitations every time Erin smiled at her.
“I agree”, she said out loud, carefully keeping the sudden urge to rush to Erin and hug her and maybe kiss her hidden, not even the slightest hint of this urge showing through her voice or features, “winter is awesome. Oh! We should go up to the roof and have a snowball fight, all five of us!”
“No”, Erin said at once, in such a strict tone that it made Holtzmann pout at once, the physicist underlining her decline with an equally strict look as she took off her coat, “we’re not going up on the roof where there’s danger of one of us falling off in the heat of battle. And with one of us, I mean you, Holtzmann, because we both you know you will bounce and rush around like a crazy person, trying to get us all while avoiding our snowballs.”
“You’re probably right”, Holtzmann sighed, still pouting though, already having imagined the five of them up there on the roof, and how she would heroically take a hit for Erin, a snowball straight to the face, and Erin would be awed and impressed and touched, and would have hugged her, and maybe they would have kissed then, and…
“But”, Erin interrupted this train of thought before it could go any further, “nothing says we can’t have a snowball fight on the sidewalk. Or maybe in the park nearby!”
“Excellent”, Holtzmann said, grinning happily, “I bet Abby and Patty will be in, too. Kevin as well, if he gets that it’s not hide and seek.”
“That’s a big if ”, Erin replied, making Holtzmann snicker and nod; the two smiled at each other, and Holtzmann’s heart skipped an excited beat - before Erin interrupted the moment, ending it before it had fully started, telling her that she would get some coffee now and then get her work started.
“You do that”, Holtzmann said, once again having to fight the urge to just rush over to the physicist, grab her and kiss her, “fair warning though, I made the coffee, so…”
“...so I’ll need more milk than usual”, Erin finished for her, making her smirk, “got it. Thanks for the warning.”
“No problem, hot stuff”, the engineer smiled, making Erin smile back at her; then, figuring that she might as well go back to work too, Holtzmann turned and made her way to her lab upstairs, hoping that getting some work done would distract her from the need to hold Erin close and to feel the physicist’s lips on hers.
As she walked away, she was unaware of Erin watching her go, the physicist having stopped her walk to kitchen and looking at Holtzmann’s retreating form as the engineer walked up the stairs; this wasn’t the first time she was secretly watching Holtzmann, and probably wouldn’t be the last, but secretly watch her was all she did, and she was quite sure she would never find the courage to do more than secretly look.
Erin wasn’t quite sure when it had happened, it had been a slow, but constant shift, and not some big moment… but ever since the move to the firehouse, something about how she saw Holtzmann had been changing, and she wasn’t sure what to think of this change.
She already had thought of Holtzmann as cute when she had seen her for the first time, back at the old lab at Higgins, a thought she rigorously had pushed aside back then; back then, this had been easy to do, as she had been sure she’d never see Holtzmann again, not having had the slightest idea how much her life would change in the few days after she had angrily stormed into the cramped lab.
And Erin was glad that her life had changed this way, as she was so much happier now than she had been before the Ghostbusters, before Abby had come back into her life and had brought Holtzmann with her, before Patty had joined their group; part of her was slightly afraid though, too, afraid of what she was feeling whenever she looked at Holtzmann, or when Holtzmann smiled at her, or laughed at a joke Erin had made, feelings which were strange and new for her, and feelings she was sure were entirely inappropriate.
After all, she reminded herself as she tore her eyes away from Holtzmann, seconds before the engineer made it up the stairs anyway and was out of sight, Holtzmann was her colleague and her friend, and not more than that; and while Holtz might be flirting with her every chance she got, Erin was sure that this was just fun and games for the blonde, that she wasn’t serious, and certainly wouldn’t take it well if Erin would try to make any sort of move on her.
Not that she would be brave enough to do so, anyway, Erin thought to herself as she made her way to the kitchen at last, found her favourite mug there and then moved on to the coffee machine; all she dared to do was watch Holtzmann when she could be sure the engineer wasn’t looking, and daydream about her, but never more than that, too afraid of her own feelings and too afraid of rejection to do more than look and dream.
She held back a sigh as she filled up the mug, thinking back to the bright smile Holtzmann had given her when she had spoken of the snowball fight; before the Ghostbusters, Erin never would have considered doing something like this, would have told herself that she was too old and too professional to play in the snow like a child, but Holtzmann was very in contact with her inner child, and the ease with which she embraced it made it easier for Erin, too, allowed her to be less uptight and to worry less about what other people thought, allowed her to simply be herself.
“Good morning”, Abby’s voice distracted her from her thoughts, making her look up from the coffee mug, “ooh, coffee is already done, awesome.”
“Holtzmann made it”, Erin passed on the warning she had been given, moving to the fridge and grabbing the milk; Abby gave her a grateful look as she filled her own mug, then they both added generous amounts of milk to their coffee, Erin raising an eyebrow when it barely got lighter anyway, despite the amount of milk she had poured into it.
“Holtz doesn’t drink this black, does she”, she then said, making Abby snicker, “I fear for her heart if she does. Also, we’ll have no chance during the snowball fight if she’s so hyped up on coffee.”
“Snowball fight?” Abby repeated, prompting Erin to tell her about the little plan Holtzmann and she had come up with, and that she had forbidden Holtzmann from having such an event up on the roof; Abby quickly agreed that it was a good idea, nearly bouncing on the spot with excitement, clearly as enthusiastic about the idea as Holtzmann had been.
“We gotta do that soon though”, she then said, “before Patty and I leave for the holidays. Did you make any plans yet?”
“My parents called”, Erin replied with a small sigh, earning a sympathetic look from her best friend - ever since the battle of Times Square, where it had been proven to the world that ghosts actually existed, and during which the Ghostbusters had saved the day, Erin’s parents were much more willing to believe her when she talked about ghosts, but their relationship was still strained, and Abby could tell that Erin wasn’t quite looking forward to spending t he holidays with her parents .
“They invited me”, she added unnecessarily, holding back another sigh, “I haven’t said yes yet but… Well, not much else I can do, right? Maybe they’ll even be decent this time, I mean, we did prove that ghosts are real.”
“You might even get an apology from them”, Abby hazarded, and Erin let out a snort before she could stop herself; she cleared her throat, then shook her head, Abby raising an eyebrow at her reaction, not trying to argue though when Erin told her that wouldn’t happen any time soon.
“They might be decent”, she repeated, with another sigh, “but I don’t think I’ll get more from them than that. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind if a bust got called in and I’d have to cancel the trip.”
“Who knows”, Abby replied with a small chuckle, “that might just happen. I don’t think ghosts will be mindful of our holidays.”
Erin managed a weak smile at this, then let Abby know that she’d go get some work done; Abby nodded, following her out of the kitchen as she had stuff to get done as well, and for a while, the room was silent as they all were focused on their work.
Patty arrived a short while later, greeted them cheerfully and went to get some coffee, too; they both called out a warning that Holtzmann had made it, then went back to work, and for a little while, Erin could even forget about the visit at her parents’ looming on the horizon, and forget how uneasy she felt about it - but she couldn’t quite forget about Holtzmann, working in the lab up there, and about how she felt whenever she looked in the engineer’s eyes.
They did have the snowball fight in the park a few days later, as it had been planned, all five of them; Holtzmann was the undisputed champion of it, somehow managing to dodge all their thrown snowballs, but hitting her target each time she threw one, and once they’d all been tired out, they’d gone to a café near the park for some hot chocolate, to replenish their energy and to warm up a bit.
Now, they were back at the firehouse, and Abby and Patty were writing down their contact information, so they could be reached during the holidays, just in case something might happen which would require them to come back earlier than planned; Erin still hadn’t told her parents if she’d come for Christmas or not, but wrote down the contact information just in case, figuring she might as well make sure the others had it, should she really agree to visit her parents for the holidays.
Holtzmann watched them write things down, but made no way to write anything of her own; after what she had said during her toast a few months ago, they all figured that she didn’t exactly have a family she could go to for the holidays, but none of them wanted to simply ask her, all of them worried it might upset her to be made to speak of this during this time of the year.
“Well, you guys will know where to reach me while you guys are out and about”, Holtzmann commented as Erin finished writing down her parents’ address and number, the engineer eying her nearly perfect handwriting, “I’ll be right here, holding down the fort.”
“Aw”, Patty let out, giving Holtzmann a sympathetic look, “you shouldn’t be alone here this time of the year though Holtzy. You know, you can come to my family with me, they’d love to have you and then you wouldn’t be alone!”
“Eh, it’s okay”, Holtzmann replied, with a slight shrug, not seeming all too bothered by spending the holidays alone at the firehouse, “I appreciate the offer Patty, but I really don’t mind being here, and I can keep an eye on the containment unit. Keep in mind it’s a prototype, I’m not sure leaving it unsupervised for a few days is a good idea.”
“Oh”, Erin let out, with a worried look up at the ceiling, “it’s not gonna explode or anything, right?”
“Nah, no worries, hot stuff”, Holtzmann reassured her at once, earning a relieved smile, both Erin and her missing the look Abby and Patty exchanged, “it should be mostly safe. Mostly. I do check it every day though, just to be sure. Thanks again for the offer though, Patty.”
“Well, it still stands in case you change your mind”, Patty smiled, Holtzmann grinning back at her; then, the engineer skillfully changed the topic by bringing up the snowball fight in the park, and the others went along with it willingly - but Erin saw the brief flash of sadness in Holtzmann’s eyes, and wondered if the others had seen it, too, and if perhaps, it meant that Holtzmann wasn’t taking this as easily as she was pretending.
A few hours later, Erin made her way upstairs, carefully carrying a mug of hot chocolate - they all knew Holtzmann well enough by now to know that sometimes, she forgot to eat and drink when she was lost in her work, and were taking turns when it came to making sure she regularly got food and drink -, not bothering to announce herself as she walked up the stairs; more often than not, Holtzmann didn’t hear them anyway when they called out to her, absorbed by her projects, only realizing someone was there when they were actually standing right next to her.
As she reached the top of the stairs, Erin froze, and her eyes went wide - because there were Christmas decorations everywhere , and she found herself wondering when Holtzmann had brought all of this in and had put it up, none of them having noticed anything.
“Holy crap”, she let out before she could stop herself, and as if that had summoned her, Holtzmann popped up from behind one of the larger machines up there - and she was wearing a Santa hat, the sight of the red and white hat sitting on the wild blonde curls m aking Erin crack up at once.
“Eriiiin”, Holtzmann half said, half sang, while Erin still giggled, “welcome to my humble abode. Is that hot chocolate you’re holding?”
“Yes”, Erin let her know, wiping at her eyes, only to giggle again when she belatedly saw that Holtzmann’s hat actually had “Holtz” written on the white part with black marker, “oh my God, you have a hat, and it has your name on it, too.”
“Look to the left”, Holtzmann replied cryptically, and Erin blinked before doing so; and seconds later, she was giggling yet again - as three more hats were hanging on hooks Holtzmann had hit into the wall, and each of them had a name on it, making them designated hat for Abby, Patty and herself.
“When you want to enter my lab, you have to wear the hat”, Holtzmann solemnly said, “sorry, but that’s the law. Even Doctor Gorin has to wear hers if she’s here during Christmas time.”
“You’re making that up”, Erin gave back, shaking her head, grabbing the hat with her name on it though and putting it on, “there is no way Doctor Gorin actually wears one of these.”
Holtzmann raised an eyebrow in response, then wordlessly opened a drawer nearby - and pulled out a fourth hat, one with “Dr Gorin” written on it, and Erin giggled again, shaking her head in disbelief, not able to imagine Dr Gorin actually wearing this.
She didn’t know Holtzmann’s mentor well, but from what she had seen, the woman was somewhat stern and serious; when she had hugged Holtzmann, shortly after their move to the firehouse, the engineer had looked like a puppy being praised, and while Erin could tell that Holtzmann admired her mentor a lot, she wasn’t quite sure how fond the woman actually was of the blonde, with how reserved and quiet she acted whenever she was around her.
“There’s actually a photo”, Holtzmann told her, smirking when Erin gaped at her, “but she made me swear I would never, ever show it to anyone. You can trust me though, that picture exists, she did wear the hat.”
“I do trust you”, Erin replied at once, Holtzmann’s smirk turning into a much softer smile; Erin smiled back at her, then held the mug out to her, suddenly having remembered why she had come up here in the first place, and not wanting the hot chocolate to turn into lukewarm or even cold chocolate in her hand.
“So Dr Gorin will come by?” Erin asked, giving her best to keep her tone light, while Holtzmann took a sip of the hot chocolate and gave herself a mustache, “during Christmas, I mean?”
“Oh, not this year”, Holtzmann replied, and suddenly, Erin just knew that the ease with which the engineer had said this had been as carefully chosen as her own tone, “she’s busy. But no worries, I’ll be fine, really.”
“Yeah”, Erin said, speaking on before she could stop herself and perhaps overthink what she was about to say and change her mind, “because you won’t be alone here during Christmas. I’ll stay, too.”
Holtzmann gaped at her, unable to say anything, not having expected this the slightest; and Erin couldn’t blame her, since she hadn’t consciously planned on doing this, not until the moment Holtzmann had told her that her mentor had no time for her this Christmas.
“Erin, no”, Holtzmann finally did regain the ability to speak, shaking her head as if for emphasis, “you got plans! Your parents!”
“I didn’t tell them yet that I’d come”, Erin replied, shrugging, “and honestly, I don’t really want to. Our relationship has been… strained ever since I’d been little, and even if they do believe me now, I can’t just forgive them from one day to the next and go celebrate Christmas with them as if nothing happened.”
She smiled at the stunned engineer, then reached out and grasped her free hand, glad when Holtzmann didn’t pull back; and when she spoke on, the engineer’s gaze softened, too, and Erin could see gratitude in her eyes, only reassuring her she had made the right choice.
“I know how you feel, you know”, she stated, “I’ve been alone too on Christmas, often. I was halfway sure I would be alone this Christmas, too, what with Abby and Patty visiting their families, and I had no idea about you so… But why should you be alone here, and I miserable at my parents’, when we can spend a much better time together?”
“Aw”, Holtzmann let out, clearly deeply touched by the physicist’s words; Erin gave her another smile, happy when Holtzmann smiled back at her this time, then let her know that she’d call her parents then and tell them she wouldn’t be able to make it after all.
“Are you sure about this?” Holtzmann wanted to know, looking a bit worried again now, “I mean, I appreciate the thought of being here with you at Christmas, I really do, but… I don’t want to be the cause that you fight with them, or something.”
“You won’t be”, Erin reassured her, “they’re in no position to make demands, really. And like I said, I don’t really feel like going there anyway and pretending that everything is fine. I’d rather be here with you.”
“Thank you”, Holtzmann gave back, voice growing uncharacteristically soft; a suspicious wet sheen came to her eyes, but before Erin could react to this, the engineer had taken a step closer to her and hugged her tightly, hiding her face against her shoulder, and as Erin returned the embrace and held her close, she knew for sure that she had made the right choice.
“Okay”, Erin said another two days later, beaming brightly at the engineer, “what do you wanna do? We got the firehouse all to ourselves. Gift exchange first? Or food? Or something completely different?”
“Foooooood”, Holtzman let out in reply, making Erin giggle at her enthusiasm, “I made some eggnog, which you’re gonna love, I promise. My own recipe, too!”
“It’s not radioactive, is it”, Erin teased, making Holtzmann snicker as she reassured her it wasn’t; they had gone shopping the previous day, and had more than enough food to last them over the holidays, no fancy holiday meals per se, but things they both liked, and they figured that this was the most important thing about their nourishment.
Holtzmann was practically bouncing as she walked to the kitchen to get the eggnog, making Erin smile with how obviously happy she was; her parents had reacted with dismay when she had told them she wouldn’t come, and for a while, she had been worried that she had ruined any chances for reconciliation with them, but now, she once again knew it had been the right choice, that it was worth trouble with her parents if it meant that Holtzmann was so happy.
Admit it , she thought to herself as she listened to Holtzmann rummage around in the kitchen, that she’s happy is way more important to you than what your parents think. And that’s okay, too.
This train of thought led her to her feelings again, feelings which only had grown at how happy Holtzmann had been at the offer of Erin to stay with her; this time though, Erin didn’t push them aside, but let them surface, her heart starting to beat faster as she wondered if perhaps now would be a good time to act on them.
You know Holtzmann woudn’t reject you , she thought to herself, the part which had these thoughts for once louder than her self-doubt, perhaps powered by the Christmas spirit, you know this. She’d be overjoyed if you made a move, you know she wouldn’t reject you.
“Eggnog!” Holtzmann distracted her from those thoughts, and she almost flinched as she had been so lost in her own mind that she hadn’t heard the engineer come back, “here you go, enjoy, hot stuff!”
She handed one of the mugs to the physicist, then sat down next to her on the couch again; they clinked their mugs together, then both drank, Erin just taking a small sip at first, only to gulp down a much bigger one when she realized how good it actually was.
“Wow”, she let out, licking her lips, and quite sure at the same moment that Holtzmann had looked at her tongue, just for a second, but long enough to let her notice, “that really is good. Great job Holtzmann.”
“Thank you”, Holtzmann beamed at her, Erin smiling back at her; then, it quickly was decided that they would exchange gifts next, Holtzmann making eyes at the large package Erin had for her, the one she gave Erin quite a bit smaller, but the physicist figured that it would be a thoughtful gift, and looked forward to unwrapping it.
“Open yours first”, Holtzmann demanded, bouncing on the couch with excitement again, “please? If only so you don’t have to look at the poor job I did with wrapping it for too long, I suck at wrapping gifts.”
“Aw, it doesn’t look that bad”, Erin reassured her, and it didn’t; it wasn’t as neatly wrapped as the gift she had given Holtzmann, but it looked good enough, a fact which didn’t stop Erin from tearing the paper open though, an audible gasp coming from her when she got a good look at it.
She could tell at once that Holtzmann had made it all herself, knowing the engineer’s style by now, from the artfully crafted wooden box to the actual gifts said box held; and those gifts were small pins, five of them, ghosts shaped like the one on their logo, but with little details which easily let her tell that they were representations of the whole team, Holtzmann’s having little yellow glasses while the one which had been made as her likeness had a tiny bow tie.
“Holtz, these are amazing”, she breathed, suddenly feeling close to tears as she looked up at the engineer again, “thank you so much!”
“You can use the box too, for the little items on your desk”, Holtzmann told her, smiling brightly, clearly happy at her reaction, “you know, for paper clips and the stuff. And the ghostly Ghostbusters have little pins on the back, so you can put them on your bag or your lapel.”
“They’re amazing”, Erin told her, carefully putting the box on the table, “and so is the box, thank you so much, Holtz.”
She hugged the engineer, her heart skipping a beat or maybe even two when Holtzmann hugged her back at once; then, clearing her throat, she told the engineer to open her gift next, smiling at the excitement with which Holtzmann did so, much like a child on Christmas Eve.
“Ooooh”, Holtzmann let out as the gift came into view, a brand new tool belt, already well stocked, but with a few empty pouches and slings for the tools Erin knew she had been using for years and loved dearly, “shiny new tools! Erin! Thank you!”
“You’re welcome”, Erin smiled, glad that Holtzmann liked the gift as much as she liked the one she had been given by the engineer, “I’m happy you like it. I had the guy at the store make it shorter, too, so it would actually fit you, you know, most of them are tailored to fit men.”
“I knoooow”, Holtzmann sighed, then brightened again at once, “but this one isn’t! Thanks to you! Thank you so much, Erin.”
She actually lifted the tool belt to her cheek and rubbed the leather against it, making Erin laugh - before she cleared her throat, telling herself it was now or never, that she would be an idiot to let this chance pass.
“I have one more gift for you”, she thus said, feeling her cheeks heat up as she blushed, but not letting that stop her, “it’s… not exactly wrapped. It’s not something I could have wrapped. Um… close your eyes?”
Holtzmann did so at once, without questioning her for even a second, just another sign for how much she trusted Erin; and this only strengthened her resolve, and before she could overthink this again and perhaps stop herself, she leaned in and pressed her lips to Holtzmann’s.
She could tell that Holtzmann was surprised, from the little intake of breath she heard from the engineer; her surprise didn’t last long though, as Holtzmann kissed her back a mere two heartbeats later, and the kiss quickly deepened, tasted of eggnog and cinnamon and, somehow, happiness , Erin unable to hold back a small moan when Holtzmann wrapped both arms around her and pulled her closer, until their bodies were pressed against each other.
“Okay”, Holtzmann let out once they had pulled apart again, her cheeks now as flushed as Erin’s, her eyes sparkling, “don’t get me wrong, I love the tool belt, but… this is the best gift ever. Best Christmas ever, in fact.”
Erin just laughed, feeling giddy and delighted now, as if she might float off any moment; luckily though, Holtzmann was still holding her, and she was holding Holtzmann, and when she leaned in to kiss the blonde again, she could only agree with her.
Best Christmas ever, indeed.