Chapter Text
Work was rough. Ai was always great with all of his jobs, but something was making him extremely tired and he couldn't figure out what it was. He ran diagnostics but found nothing, and it hindered him enough to where other people noticed. Ranmaru told him to quit spacing out, Camus demanded that he do better, and Reiji just tried to encourage him to the best of his ability. Practice wore him out completely and he still had no idea why he felt so fatigued and irritable, and in order to avoid getting in the middle of any potential arguments from his bandmates he holed himself up in his room.
Ai's room was quiet but that silence was deafening. It reminded him too much of how he couldn't make any noise like a real human could, he had no heartbeat to feel or hear. Not even his fans made any noise. This only frustrated him further, and he could feel something pricking at his eyes. The pressure built up until silent tears trickled down his cheeks, washing away any remaining makeup from the day.
He sat down on his bed, crying a little bit more forcefully as all the stress Ai was under came rushing forth. Not only had work been getting more difficult, demands rising and his schedule tightening up, but his band had been fighting more lately and he hadn't been singing as well as he should have. There was no time to relieve stress and there wouldn't be time for many more weeks, especially not with this kind of growth.
The reality started sinking in, it would only get more difficult from here on out.
Ai wasn't human, he shouldn't be feeling this kind of anxiety, not this dreadful feeling of working himself to death. But the pain was there, it had been building for so long but he never noticed. Now that he was crying out all the stress and pain from the day his mind was starting to clear and his future was unfolding. Everything seemed bleak, if life was this stressful how could he do it? He was made for it, designed for the life of an idol, and it was still taking a heavy toll on him.
The tears slowed down after a few minutes. They left a wet stain on his sheets, but Ai didn't care. He stared at the ceiling, eyes completely unfocused, and his mind was reeling and going nowhere with it's thoughts.
Everything stopped when he felt a sudden urge to leave the house.
He wasn't an impulsive person, but Ai needed out. The room was too quiet again after his crying session and he didn't want any of his bandmates to walk in and see him so distraught. He made sure his phone was in his pocket, put his shoes on, and left the building.
For a long time he wandered aimlessly. Ai stuck to sidewalks and only used a crosswalk when needed, which was the best option considering he wasn't paying attention. Luckily the roads were clear and there weren't too many people around so he wouldn't be stopped by any random fans, he just wanted to keep going.
Eventually he stopped. It was nighttime now, he had been wandering for hours. Ai could feel his battery running low but he couldn't find it in him to care. He took a deep breath and could smell the faint scent of salt, the salt of the closest beach. Without thinking he walked toward it and started humming to fill the quiet air with sound. It was a song he had already sang before, from one of his many acting jobs. He had no idea why he felt the need to sing it now but he didn't bother questioning it.
"Kaze wa sasayaita, mimimoto de
'ai to tomo ni ikiyo' to."
Innocent Wind, that was the name. The lyrics were seared deep into his mind so he didn't need to think about them, he just let the words fall out of his mouth in a whisper. And with each note he got closer to the waves, he could see the deep indigo waiting for him. Beckoning. Like a feeling long forgotten, like a familiar place that was once his home.
Ai stopped again at the border between a pier and the sand. He knew it was safer to stay low to the ground, but he felt weightless and an errant thought told him it would be better to clear his mind up high. Without bothering to question it up he went, the gate of the pier unlocked and easily swinging open for him. The light breeze swished his hair away from his face and stung at his eyes, the salt in the air not mixing with his body very well. A little bit of the air burned in his mouth as he continued to sing quietly to himself but that didn't deter him.
The end of the pier was nice and loud. The waves, wind, creaking of the wood, and Ai's singing finally filled the air with the sound he craved. He could ignore the lack of noise he made and forget about all the pressure he had weighing him down. It was blissful. He felt free. He ended the song but he could hear the breeze carry his notes further out to sea. The ocean seemed to gratefully accept his gift of music and demand more. But he was tired. His battery was critically low and singing took a little too much out of him.
Ai knew the right thing to do was tell someone where he was so they could get him, the distance was way too far to walk back. However he just, didn't want to. Getting his phone out, unlocking it, choosing someone to message, and actually writing and sending the text felt like too much. He could just stand there, hands resting on the railing, until his battery finally ran out and he shut down. He wouldn't have to deal with any more stress if he shut down and couldn't be found. Nobody knew where he was, it would be easy. Easy to disappear. Easy to leave it all behind. And if he was found, he may not even be recognized. The public had no idea he would just need a few hours plugged into a wall to be good as new again, without a pulse or heartbeat he would be considered dead. There were so many variables that he could get lost in and nobody would ever be able to follow.
But, it wasn't fair to his band. They would lose a business partner and housemate. Ai wanted to consider them his friends but he still had too little experience with that. With all the fighting they had he had no idea if any of them considered each other friends. Even Reiji, who tried to be amicable to everyone, seemed to know that they never truly got along.
He sighed, then took his phone out. Luckily the group chat they shared was easily within reach in his texting app, so Ai sent a quick message.
"At the beach closest to the house. On a pier. Low battery. Need a ride."
He didn't even wait for a response. They might all be asleep at this point, he hoped that his message wouldn't wake them. Or if it did that they wouldn't be too bothered by it. He didn't want to be the cause of another argument or get chastised for leaving so suddenly and getting himself stuck like this.
One last warning, Ai had only a few more short minutes before he would shut down. He felt a bit of panic rise when he thought about waking up only to immediately go back to work, or deal with more fighting, or even wake up to complete and utter silence. It was so suffocating and with every last bit of his power draining this anxiety came closer and closer. It crept up behind him, sending a cold breeze down his neck, inching closer and closer. He had to get away, there was no way out, he was trapped at the end-
He jumped.
The wind gave little resistance.
He didn't even feel the water as his body hit it head first, shutting down mere miliseconds before the ocean welcomed him back.