Chapter Text
It can’t be. It... can't be.
His mind swirled with a sense of frantic denial and a solemn acceptance, both of them battling for dominance as he stared at the woman standing before him, holding his lightsaber out to him, expecting him to take it back. Had she been anyone else he would’ve asked, no, demanded to know where she had gotten it. He had lost it so long ago, lost it to a cloudy sky from which it should never have been recovered. And yet, here it was.
And inside he knew who she was, as much as he wanted to deny it. He looked into her brown eyes that held within them so much pain and so much kindness and yet so much intensity, and he saw himself and also him. It should’ve been impossible, but it was unmistakable. She was here, standing before him. But how? How?
He didn't have to wonder how she found him. The map had been pieced together and it brought her here. He didn't have to wonder why she had come here, to this lonely island on a forgotten planet. He could see it in her eyes, see the resolve in them and the fresh wounds from a recent fight. No, he only had to wonder how she could be here, when everyone had assumed her dead, and on this cold island, he had come to accept it.
But she had been alive, she had been somewhere out there, and he didn't look for her. His stomach lurched.
“The Resistance needs you.” It wasn’t a request. But as the words left her mouth, he could do nothing except mentally recoil. There was a power to them, simple as they were, that he couldn’t ignore. Even her voice had his spirit to it, but also the will of him. Stubborn like them both, insolent as him.
Luke moved closer, desperate to say something but unable to find the words. He stared at her and she stared back, and in her eyes he could see that she knew something. Knew they were connected, but couldn’t even begin to imagine what that connection might’ve been. Desperate, perhaps, for him to tell her. She looked at him like a lost child and he was the only one could make it all right. And in spite of himself, Luke wanted nothing more than to help make things right for her. And maybe he should have.
But he had thought he'd lost her and here she was, and the fear of losing her, actually losing her, seized control of his mind and when he could finally find words to speak, they weren’t what he knew she had wanted to hear him say. But there were the words he felt that she, and by extension those who sent her to find him, needed to hear. “You need to leave. I’m not going back.”
He wanted to go back, needed to go back, but he couldn’t. Not when she stood here, a relic of his past dug up like some kind of cruel trick from a universe that had already wronged him so much. Or perhaps it was him who had wronged the universe. It didn't matter, he reasoned. There was no fixing what was broken. And if he had to shatter her in this moment to make her understand...
“Wait!” Rey stumbled after him, still clutching the lightsaber in her hand like a lifeline. Her face crumpled in sudden grief and mounting anger as Luke continued to walk away from her, traveling down the steps of the old village without giving her a second thought. She steadied herself, running down the stairs in pursuit. “Come back! Luke! Luke!”
Luke didn’t dignify her a response. He kept walking, his eyes on the cobblestone road in front of him and nothing else. He tried to focus on the sound of the howling wind and the animals roaming about, and not on her voice.
Desperate to catch his attention as she pursued him, Rey cried out, “Leia needs you!”
Luke walked faster, but the guilt weighed him down at the mere mention of his sister. He had been running, had been hiding for much too long. There was a whole galaxy outside this planet that needed his help, had needed it for so long that he wasn’t sure he could even do anything to make up for his absence. What else could he do except isolate himself so he didn’t cause any more damage than he already did?
Luke stopped once he reached the bottom of the stairs, causing Rey to almost crash into him. He stood in place for a moment, sighing and raising his voice to sound a bit more forceful. “Don’t follow me.”
He didn't spare her a glance, and he felt like a coward for it. He only continued walking, occasionally giving the cloudy sky accusatory glares. It did nothing to soothe his frayed nerves nor did it soothe his conscience threatening to break out and make him turn around to face Rey.
“You know I will,” Rey huffed from behind him, her voice increasing in volume as she walked after him, and Luke felt her glaring at him. So much like him, and so much like what he knew of him. It was too much for Luke, cracks forming within his resolve.
Without glaring this time, Luke looked upward at the cloudy sky above the island he had called home for many years and quickened his pace until Rey's indignant yelling grew quieter. “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”
I won’t make the same mistake again. Not even for you, and especially not for you.
“Luke!” Rey moved to pursue him again, but discovered an invisible force holding her in place. Anger spiked her blood and she struggled to break free, to continue chasing Luke. She gritted her teeth to the point her jaw hurt, and her glare hardened into something far more vicious. She hadn’t come all this way just for this old man to close the door in her face! She raised her voice so he would hear her, and she couldn't help but let a hint of mockery leak into her voice. “Is this how you handle things? By running?”
Luke froze, and the lapse of concentration was just enough for Rey to escape his mental hold and dash after him, cursing in several different languages. He turned around to push her back, whether with a Force push or an actual, physical shove, but instead found his body stiff like a statue. His eyes met Rey’s again, and it was that then he pushed back against her, sending her stumbling away and freeing himself from her hold.
"Hey!" Rey shrieked, the lightsaber rolling out of her hand, sending her chasing after it once she stood back up.
Luke couldn’t help but be impressed, a bit proud, even, at her determination and brief demonstration of power. Unwieldy power, perhaps, but for a moment he felt many years younger, taken back to a better time. He wanted to say something, to offer her the guidance he once had... The guidance he had once given to others, the guidance he would have freely given to her.
No. He couldn’t let himself get swept up in that thought, that cruel fantasy. He wouldn’t let himself repeat those mistakes. He couldn’t lose her. Well, couldn’t lose her again. Not like he lost Ben. Not like he lost all of them, some to the Dark and others to the all-consuming flames. He could hear their screams in the back of his mind, just from the mere act of remembering they even existed at all.
So he had to turn her away and hope that one day, when he was gone from this space, she would understand that it was for her own good. Would he deserve that understanding? Would it even matter if he couldn’t bridge the gap between the physical and incorporeal spaces to speak to her again, as old mentors once had?
Another thought took over, one he hadn't yet considered, much to his shame. In rejecting her, he would give no reason to stay, and all the reason to go back to the war that she no doubt had come from already.
When he finally made it to his hut, his emotions were already in the process of betraying him. The constant back and forth between what his heart wanted him to do and what his brain insisted was the right course of action threatened to tear him apart. And beyond that, Rey had followed him and he was absolutely certain she’d shove him aside and dash right into the hut just so he couldn’t close her out of it.
That was also assuming she didn’t somehow tear the hut to a thousand pieces through sheer force of rage. He wasn't entirely convinced she would or even could do that, but the possibility flooded his mind anyway. He still remembered some of the incidents that would happen at his old academy, before Ben had... Before Kylo Ren had appeared.
The nostalgia might have been welcome, had the circumstances surrounding it all not been so tragic.
He moved to step inside the cabin, but stopped when Rey reached her hand out and grabbed his arm. He wanted to pull his arm away, or at least, a part of him did, but instead he froze in place, emotions and memories that weren't his own flying into his mind at speeds too fast for him to comprehend. Images of fire, of darkness, of endless desert and cold, lonely nights, and days of hunger and pain, images of the things she had seen not too long ago... Images of things she feared.
He knew she received the same from him, she must have, because she let him go and backed away. She looked at him to say something, but nothing left her mouth. What was there for her to say? What was there for either one of them to say at this point in time, when they had both lost so much and so fast? What else could they do except stand and stare at each other, near tears, for awhile longer?
"Rey..." Luke let the unfamiliar name roll off his tongue, the name flooding him with an odd sense of comfort. It wasn't the name he had chosen for her when she was born and he wasn't quite sure where exactly she had gotten it except on Jakku, but it suited her. He let himself look at her once more, taking note of the ways she reminded him of himself, of him, and finally, of her. It felt like someone was playing a joke on him. Of all the people to come and find me...
"Please, Luke," Rey had seen some of Luke's own memories, or at least she thought she did. Certainly none of them belonged to her, but they went by so fast she couldn't make sense of them. She clenched her fists together, banishing the images away from her mind. She tightened her hold on Luke, her body shuddering. The word slipped into her mind, and her throat went dry. But the memories, incomplete as they were... She remembered now, she remembered who he was, who she was. "Father?"
She looked down at the ground, and before she could say anything else, Luke had already stepped inside his hut and locked her out. His emotions would betray him in due time, but the part of him that wanted nothing to change still clung to stubbornness. Her heart jumped and seized at the sight of the closed door, and she slammed her fists against it in her shock and rage. "Let me in! You can't just lock me out like this!"
Inside the comfort of his cluttered yet somehow lonely hut, Luke stood in front of the door, filled with even more self-loathing than he thought possible. Rey's endless shouting and banging on the door didn't help matters, because they served as instant reminders of what a stupid thing he had just done. He leaned his back against the door even as it shook, and he took in a deep breath in an attempt to clear his head, a difficult task to perform with all the noise.
He needed to speak to her, he needed to let himself do what his heart begged him to do. A part of him still clung to denial of what was happening, of how his lonely and mundane existence had skidded to a halt. How could he turn her, his own flesh and blood, away? How could he be that cruel to her and to himself?
And the answer was, he couldn't. He didn't know why a part of him had believed he ever could.
Heart won over mind, and he turned to open the door. He wasn’t sure what he planned to do, or what he even could do, but more than anything else he wanted her presence. To see his daughter and hear her voice, safe and alive with him again. How could he destroy his one chance to reconnect with her, to have her back in his life? For her to have him back in her life, when she clearly needed him most?
"Come inside," Luke told her, his voice low but clear enough for her to hear. He stepped aside and watched her walk into the hut and sit down. He took a deep breath and joined her. This was real. This was actually happening. She was here. He didn’t know what else to say, except that his heart seemed to rise for the first time in years.
“The Resistance needs you,” Rey said, her brain on autopilot and wanting to distract itself from what she had just learned. Leia had seemed familiar to her from the beginning, and now she knew why. Taking a deep breath, she let out what was at the forefront of her mind besides Luke’s relation to her. “The First Order destroyed the New Republic’s fleet, and the Hosnian System and-“
“Slow down, Rey,” Luke said gently, his heart clenching at what she said. The galaxy around him was on fire and his only contribution had been to sit around on island feeling sorry for himself. Well, that hadn't been the intention when he arrived initially...
“I'm afraid I can't help with that,” Luke said after what seemed like an eternity. He watched Rey’s eyes widen in surprise and the sparkle of yet another challenge. He stopped her before she could speak, "I'm just a man. One person can't singlehandedly take on an entire empire, it doesn't actually work like that, and no, it didn't work like that, I don't know what legends you might have heard."
“But Leia said...” Rey argued weakly, as other thoughts swirled around her mind and took hold. The existence of her father, right in front of her, took priority, although a voice in the back of her head struggled to convince her now wasn't the time for it. “How could you be...? The stories, they said... You never knew anyone like that, anyone would could have... I don’t remember.”
"It's true, I never actually did," Luke answered, giving her as much of his attention as he could, even as his mind wanted to wander and scream over what she'd told him. "Not much I can say except it was just something I never... really felt. I can only think of maybe two or three times..."
"Then how am I here?" Gone were the doubts and the glares Rey gave him from before, replaced by wonder and curiosity, a dim light shining about in the sea of darkness. It almost seemed unreal to her, but if she was in fact dreaming, she didn't want anyone to wake her yet.
"...It's complicated," the word came out more direct and forceful than Luke intended, his brain and his heart at odds with each other still. "There were a lot of kids at the... at my academy. After awhile I..."
Luke paused, looking at Rey, taking in everything he could. Jakku had hardened her, and yet he sensed more hope emanating from her than expected for someone who had been trapped on a planet that was, for all intents and purposes, pretty much nowhere.
"I wanted to raise a kid of my own," Luke finished, heart aching at the lost years. He'd missed over ten years of her life. "And... having you around, things weren't so lonely when the other students left. Or quiet, for that matter."
Rey's lips curled into the ghost of a smile, but it faded as soon as it came. Tears formed at the corners of her eyes, and she wiped them away. "I don't... I don't remember any of this. Any of the academy."
I just remember you, she let it go unspoken, her voice dying in her throat.
“I can help you remember,” Luke reached his hands out to Rey, moving to cup her head between them, should she allow him to do so. She leaned her head forward and let him touch her head, and in an instant glass inside both of them seemed to shatter.
Memories rushed into Rey’s mind seemingly millions at once, allowing her to see the memories she had seen from Luke, but instead from her own perspective, and even more beyond those. Memories of herself, much smaller, looking up at Luke, much younger and happier. She remembered other young Jedi training with Luke. She remembered spending time with Ben and another child her age whose name she still couldn't recall for the moment. She remembered it was a flower. She even remembered meeting a younger Poe Dameron, who had been with Leia and Ben one fine day. She thought he had seemed familiar when she met him back at the Resistance's base. She wondered, for a moment, as more memories went by, if he recognized her at all.
But the memories took a darker turn. Ben became more erratic, Luke more frantic, yelling things her younger self couldn’t comprehend. And then, fire. Screaming. People in black cloaks with red lightsabers, cutting down her friends. Ben, no, Kylo Ren, shoving a fellow Knight of Ren aside and reaching for her, lightsaber poised to slice her in half. And then he didn’t, and he reached an open hand towards her, and she knew only darkness. The darkness faded, and she was greeted by the heat of the Jakku desert, and of Unkar Plutt gripping her arm to pull her back as Kylo Ren left her behind, his ship disappearing into the glare of the sun.
Her throat hurt as her child self screamed herself hoarse, screamed for someone who wouldn't hear her and wouldn't care even if he had. “Wait! Come baaaaaack!”
And he never did. He had promised, but she knew back then it was a lie even if she didn’t want to believe it back then. In time, as if by magic, her memories had faded until all that was left was her desire to stay on Jakku, waiting for her family. Family that would never come. She had waited so long, the memories of her old life fading into the aether. It hurt more than she ever could have imagined. He had done something to her, tried to erase himself. Tried to erase her.
Kira. Kira. Kira. Kira. Her name, her name that Luke had given her. Rey. Rey. Rey. Rey. The name of the pilot who had once flown an X-Wing she'd looted in the desert, selling its parts and keeping the personal items inside for herself. They held no worth to Unkar, but to her at the time, they meant the entire world outside of Jakku. Kira. Rey. Skywalker. Skywalker. Skywalker. That name. That name...
Hers. So much more than a legend travelers told, so much more than a story parents told their children about. Hers.
Luke pulled away, and Rey could finally think again, her head pounding from the ordeal. Her eyes ached, dry like she was still on Jakku. Tears glistened in her eyes, as did Luke’s. They looked up at each other, a mixture of grief and happiness swirling inside them. The galaxy outside was alight, but they had each other, and for the moment, that was enough.
“Father...” Rey breathed, her heart aching, not from sadness, but from a joy so powerful her body could barely contain it. Her father, her father, here at last. She remembered the circumstances of her birth, at least, what Luke had told her when she was little. She was a clone of sorts, of Luke himself. The genetic sample that was taken from him modified just enough that she wasn’t a complete clone, free to become someone entirely new. This meant she had no mother, a reverse of her grandfather, she supposed.
“Kira...” Luke said only to feel the name on his lips again, even if he figured Rey wouldn’t accept it. The name hadn’t been hers since Kylo Ren had taken her to Jakku. But it left his lips anyway, familiar and comforting. “I’m so sorry I didn’t come and find you. When I couldn’t feel you in the Force anymore, I had thought... I had thought you were dead... I'm so sorry. I've failed you.”
“The blame is with Kylo, not you, Father,” Rey replied, to assure him as much as it was to assure herself that none of them were to blame except Ben. Except Kylo Ren. Ben was dead, had been dead for a long time. Had been confirmed dead when he tricked and murdered his own father. Did Han know he would do that and risked himself anyway? Or was he just as caught off guard as everyone else had been? “How could I forget that you... That you were my... How could I forget everyone?”
“Kylo Ren put a memory block on you,” Luke said with a sigh, confirming Rey's suspicions. He shook his head. “He cut you off from the Force, but not permanently. I don’t know why he did any of it. Maybe he thought if he took you to Jakku, no one would know you were alive. There was still enough of Ben in him, even back then. But that's probably the last act of mercy he'll ever give...”
“There isn’t any of Ben left now,” Rey said, her voice low from sadness and from anger. Memories of what had happened the day before haunted her. Memories of the red light in the dark chasm, of watching Han fall below. Her scream of terror and pain as she felt her heart split in two, how Finn screamed with her as they both watched Han fall, how Chewie roared in anguish and fired on the son of his own best friend. “He... He killed Han.”
Luke leaned back, as if struck. Han... dead? He had seen it when he and Rey accidentally shared their memories, but to hear her say it was something else entirely. Kylo Ren had murdered Han in cold blood, all to fuel his descent into the Dark Side. All to please Supreme Leader Snoke and get himself a little more power and prestige. If Luke had any doubts about Kylo Ren's commitment to the Dark Side, they were gone now. His nephew, his beloved sister's son, was truly too far gone.
“I really messed everything up, didn’t I?” Luke buried his face in his hands to hide the tears that were rising unbidden. He had left his friends, his family, everything behind. He had traveled a bit with Lor San Tekka, even, claiming he wanted to find the first Jedi Temple, a place so ancient they used books made from trees back then. But in many ways, it was all a distraction, really. All he truly wanted was to get away, away from his failures.
It would seem he only made newer, more serious mistakes.
“That doesn’t matter now,” Rey spoke up a bit more forcefully, her still tender heart breaking in new places just from watching him like this. “What matters is... we’re here. And you’re coming back to the Resistance. Back to Leia.”
“I already told you, I'm just one man,” Luke said in betrayal of his emotions, of his desires. He flinched inwardly when Rey’s eyes widened in shock. “We’re just two people, Rey.”
“You’re Luke Skywalker!” Rey pressed, undaunted by what she knew should’ve worried her. She had come too far, remembered too much to turn back now. And besides, Chewie was waiting for them back in the Millennium Falcon. “You helped bring down the Empire! You brought the Jedi back! You-“
“Managed to make all of that pointless,” Luke sighed, looking up at her. He turned his head to look at the door, seeing Rey’s gaze follow his. In her eyes, he could see that drive to do what was right, to protect everything she held dear, much like he once had. And that sense of stubbornness and building rage, that undeniable passion, that his father had before his fall.
Too much of her grandfather in her, he realized. Was this just a Skywalker trait? Even Leia was more like Anakin than he was. And Ben... They all knew what had become of him, all too well. He already didn't want Rey to go back to the galaxy at large to fight and possibly die.
“Rey...” Luke reached forward, stopping her from standing up. It still felt weird to use a name he hadn’t chosen, but he sensed she preferred this new name, she had known it for so long. “You can’t pick up a lightsaber and change the world, things don’t work that way. Look at me. Did anything I accomplish really matter in the end? Rey, please. You’ll only get hurt.”
“First you wanted to send me away and now you want to keep me here?” Rey huffed, rolling her eyes when Luke wasn’t looking at her. “Well, I’m not leaving without you, and you’re not staying on this island. You can’t keep running from your problems. You're a beacon of hope to the Resistance.”
“Hey, I’m the parent here,” Luke mumbled, allowing himself a small smile of amusement and indignation. Then his tone turned serious again. “I mean it, Rey. Chewie can leave in the morning, but you’re staying here.”
Rey pulled a face, scrunching up her nose and narrowing her eyes. "You can't make me."
"There's a lot here that you need to see before we go back," Luke struggled to resist the urge to smile and laugh at the expression on Rey's face. Adorable probably wasn't the look she was going for, and such a reaction would not be appreciated. "I'm sure someone told you what I came here to find."
"The first known Jedi temple?" Rey leaned closer, wonder swelling in her chest.
"It's not what you'd expect, I can tell you that much," Luke straightened his robe. "And it's a long journey from here, so we can go there in the morning."
"I'd like that," Rey replied with a smile.
"I thought you would," Luke allowed another smile to form and stay on his face. "Now, could you... tell me about yourself? I mean, what you've done since... you know."
"There's not been much to know about me since it happened," Rey looked down at the floor, shuffling her feet. "Jakku is... pretty much nowhere."
"Tatooine wasn't much better, I promise you," Luke said, "But I want to know more about you."
Rey shrugged, but smiled at him in spite of the bitter memories. "Alright.
Without his helmet, the rest of the First Order didn’t recognize Kylo Ren’s voice at first, as it sounded not unlike a bratty child’s. Without his helmet, Kylo Ren found that it was impossible for everyone else to even begin to take him seriously, and he hated every second of it. Even his Knights of Ren made fun of him! Especially that damnable Amnd... Which one was it again? He kept getting the two mixed up, not helped by them literally having the same exact name.
He was pretty sure Supreme Leader Snoke was doing this to punish him. When would the suffering end? He needed that helmet to be as intimidating as he felt within his heart. Were he as brave and strong as Darth Vader, the greatest warrior the Dark Side had ever known, he would stand up to Snoke and tell him how essential the helmet was to his overall dark and evil aesthetic. He would make the very Supremacy itself shake with the power of his rage!
But he didn’t have the nerve to question his teacher, his Supreme Leader. He wasn’t strong enough for that yet. And he had displeased Snoke enough with his failure at Starkiller Base and everything that preceded it. He had let the map to Luke Skywalker, his hated uncle, fall into the hands of the Resistance. Into the hands of his mother.
Captain Phasma walked beside him, and he could sense her fear rising and rising the closer to Snoke’s chamber they got. She was hiding something, and while he could have easily tear his way through her mind to get at it, he decided Snoke would prefer she be intact for whatever he had called them both up for. So he would leave her alone for now. Besides, Snoke would find her secret soon enough.
“You’re brooding more than usual,” Phasma spoke up, more to break the silence and try to calm her nerves down than anything else.
“Oh, didn’t you hear?” Kylo Ren said in a sing song voice as they stepped into the elevator. He tapped his gloved fingers against the harsh white lights on the walls. “I lost my daaaad...”
Phasma said nothing, only nodded and forced a smile at him underneath her own helmet. The door opened to reveal Snoke on his throne, the throne room itself bathed in an eerie, blood red glow. The Praetorian Guards whipped their heads to look at the two in perfect unison, the red light shining on their crimson armour in such a way that it resembled bone more than it resembled metal.
“Ah, my favoured apprentice...” The sheer venom in Snoke’s voice was enough to make Phasma’s nerves stand on end, and Kylo Ren was ashamed to admit he felt the same as the cowardly Stormtrooper captain.
“Supreme Leader,” Phasma straightened herself before lowering herself onto her knee and bowing her head. Being in Snoke's presence was bad enough, and just when she was starting to think it couldn't get worse, she felt him probing her mind, finding everything she tried to hide. There was no saving herself from his judgement.
“Supreme Leader,” Kylo Ren echoed, getting on his knee and lowering his head into a bow as well, keeping his eyes open where he was certain Phasma had closed hers.
“Kylo Ren, my favoured apprentice of the Knights of Ren...” Snoke moved his gaze to stare into Kylo Ren’s soul without making eye contact. “I trust you’ve spent time thinking about your recent failures and learning from them?”
“Yes, Master,” Kylo Ren answered, his voice low and his mind struggling not to scream. The pressure from Snoke's mind sifting through his threatened to make his head explode, pain snaking all across his skull with the intensity of fire.
“But you did a significant thing on that day, my young apprentice,” Snoke’s lips curled into a predatory grin. “You killed your father, claimed your rightful place in the Dark Side...”
Snoke leaned forward, and his chuckle echoed through the room. "Quite a change from the last time you were given a choice... You couldn't bring yourself to kill your dear cousin, Kira. No, Rey. So you hid her away, expecting me to never notice..."
"I did, Master," Kylo Ren shivered, Snoke still poking around his mind for thoughts and memories he tried to keep known only to himself. But Snoke had always known, he realized, and he was foolish to have believed otherwise. But Snoke had tolerated it, for reasons he couldn't be sure of. But those reasons had run out, and he forced down a lump in his throat. "It won't happen again. The next time we meet, I will finish what I started."
"See to it that you do..." Snoke rumbled, the promise of further retribution in his voice. He leaned back in his chair, the pain of old wounds stabbing away at him. "Darkness rises... and light to meet it. Your moment of weakness back then has caused nothing except disaster for the First Order and for the wielders of the Dark Side."
"I understand, Master," Kylo Ren answered quickly, more to hear himself speak in a tone that wasn't squeaky with fear than any need to assure Snoke he was listening and wouldn't make that mistake again. Knowing his master, he had just placed the expectation of a more serious mistake on his head. He wouldn't be alone in his discomfort and fear of what Snoke had planned.
"Captain Phasma..." Snoke moved his head to look at her, the predatory grin replaced with a scowl. "Surely you didn't think I wouldn't find out what happened on Starkiller Base? How your prized recruit, the one you lied for because you believed so much in him, held a gun to your head and you... just lowered the shields for the Resistance."
Kylo Ren's head snapped to his right to stare at Phasma in shock. He hadn't known she was responsible... It was taking all of his willpower not to activate his lightsaber and cut her down where she knelt in an act of righteous vengeance. The rage was good, but her fate was best left to his master. Snoke would know how to handle her act of self-serving treachery.
"Supreme Leader..." Phasma tried to force herself to look up at him, but found her body frozen in place. She couldn't look at him. Fear gripped every fiber of her being and she found herself staring only at the cold metal floor. What could she say that would make Snoke give her a shred of mercy? After the catastrophic losses she caused, she'd be lucky if he granted her a quick and painless death.
"Such a crime against the First Order should be punishable by death, I hope you realize," Snoke practically purred, and Kylo Ren could sense he was relishing in Phasma's fear and stoking it to make it worse for her. Whatever he had planned for her, he would make it as unpleasant as possible, it seemed.
"Yes, Supreme Leader," Phasma felt numb to the world at this point, knowing there was nothing she could say or do to save herself. This was a situation she couldn't backstab her way out of, and she was too proud to plead for her life.
"But it would seem I have overlooked a special quality of yours..." Snoke tapped his nails on the armrest of his chair. He chuckled when both Kylo Ren and Phasma looked up at him. "Yes, Captain Phasma, I sense within you a great potential... I possess it. Kylo Ren possesses it. The Knights of Ren possess it. Yes... A tie to the Dark Side of the Force. With the proper training, you would make an excellent Knight of Ren, perhaps..."
For Phasma, this was the worst possible thing Snoke could have said. Well, second to signing her death warrant, but at this point, she saw no real difference. Where others saw possibility in Snoke's words, she only saw chains. At least as Captain of the Stormtroopers she could fly under Snoke's radar. It was how she had survived so long.
"...Supreme Leader, I..." Phasma's words of protest died in her throat, and her resolve flickered out shortly after. What was she going to do? Tell Snoke she'd rather face execution? No, she had come too far to let it end this way, and even though she knew he could sense every thought of hers, she still found herself filled with turmoil.
"It's your choice, ultimately, Captain Phasma," Snoke injected as much venom into his words as he was physically capable of. "Join the Knights of Ren and repent for your crimes against the First Order, or die a death that a traitor such as yourself richly deserves. I'll wait."
"I'll join the Knights of Ren," Phasma said without missing a beat, the words tasting bitter on her tongue. She hated the idea of joining Kylo Ren’s creepy little cult, but what other choice did she have? She wanted to live, and if that meant joining the aforementioned creepy little cult, then that was exactly what she would do.
"I knew you'd see things my way," Snoke grinned, and the sound of his voice sent shivers up Phasma's and Kylo Ren's spines. He raised his head and looked at both of them. "On this day, Captain Phasma no longer exists. Rise, Yrov. Kylo Ren will be your mentor, as he trains your fellow Knights, but I am your Master."
“Yes, Master,” Phasma forced herself to say, dread continuing to mount within her. This was a bad idea, this was the worst possible idea she could’ve attempted. What was she thinking? Besides self-preservation, anyway.
“I trust you will guide her down the path of the Dark Side, Kylo Ren,” Snoke turned his attention fully on Kylo Ren, smiling at the fear and respect he saw in Kylo Ren’s eyes, without his helmet to block it. “See to it that she remains loyal to our cause and that she shows no moments of misguided mercy, as you have.”
“Of course, Master,” Kylo Ren bowed his head in reverence once more. “It will be done.”
“See that it is..." Snoke leaned back in his chair again. “It’s been a long time since a new Knight of Ren has joined us...”
“REY!” Finn’s eyes snapped open and his body jolted awake, mind racing and blood flowing. He found himself inside a bacta tank, unable to move. His eyes darted around the limited space the tank allowed, until they zeroed in on a man who looked like Poe from behind. Had to be him, BB-8 was even there, staring at him with its judgemental optic. “Poe! Poe! Get me out of here!”
“Finn, you’re awake!” Poe turned around and hurried onto his feet, rushing to the tank and slamming a button, draining the remaining bacta. The glass door slid open and Finn took his first step out of it, stumbling into Poe, his legs weak from disuse. Poe kept him from falling, steadying himself and holding Finn up. BB-8 moved against the back of Poe's legs for support. “Whoa! Easy there. Easy, easy, there you go. I’m sure you’ve got a lot of questions...”
“Where’s Rey?” Finn immediately asked, his legs threatening to give out still. He stubbornly stood anyway, staring into Poe’s eyes with an intensity the older man hadn’t yet seen in him before. Finn looked around the room once more, noticing stars passing by as white lines against a sea of black outside the window. “Where is she?”
“She left on the Millennium Falcon with Chewbacca and R2-D2 to find Luke Skywalker and bring him back,” Poe answered calmly, directing Finn to a nearby bed and letting him sit down. “We’re on our way to Crait, site of an old Rebellion base General Leia visited in her youth. We had to evacuate our old base, the First Order found out where it was. With Starkiller Base destroyed, we had a window of opportunity to escape.”
“But Rey doesn’t know!” Finn’s eyes widened and he gripped Poe’s shoulders, perhaps a bit too tightly. He didn't hear Poe's yelp of surprise nor seemed to notice his look of discomfort, his mind too focused on Rey to think about anything else. “She’ll come back and we’ll be gone and the First Order will-“
“It’s okay, Finn, it’s okay,” Poe winced from Finn’s nails digging into his shoulders. “Ow! Lighten up... Okay. General Leia gave her a tracking ring. We can contact her. All she and Leia have to do is activate their rings and it’ll tell them where the other is. It’s okay. Rey’s okay.”
“I have to find her,” Finn announced.
“Did... Did you hear anything I just said?” Poe blinked, looking at BB-8 for confirmation of everything he had just said. BB-8 beeped in agreement. He looked back at Finn. “You just woke up, it’s going to take you some time to adjust, and then we can-“
“I can’t stay here, Poe,” Finn said, letting Poe go and gently pushing him back. He winced inwardly when Poe looked at him like he had been slapped. “Poe, I’m sorry. I’m not a soldier. I only went back for Rey.”
“I understand that Finn, I really do,” Poe's voice held nothing but a gentleness and a spark of what seemed to be admiration. “But you can’t just run away from this fight, and I think you’re aware of that by now. You know the First Order will come after you.”
Finn looked down at the floor for a moment, before giving the room one more cursory glance. His eyes fell upon a familiar item lying across a table. His interest piqued, he motioned for Poe to look at it. “Is that... the jacket? But Kylo...”
“I fixed it,” Poe made sure Finn wasn’t going to fall over and then went to pick up the jacket. It looked like it had been stapled back together in a rush. Definitely fixed by Poe, who had never learned how to sew. Proudly, he handed the jacket to Finn. “I wanted to make sure it was ready when you were awake.”
Finn looked at the jacket in a mix of both amazement and thinly veiled incredulity. It was a very sweet gesture on Poe’s part, but Finn couldn’t deny that wearing the jacket would make him look like an apocalyptic holo reject. Actually, he could probably make that look good. He would make that look good.
“Thanks, Poe,” and he really did mean it when he said it. He took the jacket and put it over the shirt Poe had also handed him. It felt good, really, even if it was in tatters and stapled together in what no doubt took hours despite what a terrible job it actually was. He moved his arms around, testing how the jacket held in the shoulders. Well, it didn’t feel like it would snap. “I appreciate that.”
“Please stay, Finn,” Poe pleaded, resisting the urge to grip Finn’s shoulders to keep him from leaving. To his side, BB-8 looked up at Finn and let out a shrill whine, attempting to give Finn the Droid equivalent to puppy dog eyes. Poe pounced on this immediately. “See? Even BB-8 wants you to stay! You can’t make him sad... I won’t allow it.”
“But Rey...” Finn felt torn the longer he was awake. He needed to find Rey. For reasons he wasn’t quite sure of, he felt he belonged with Rey. And yet, he also felt like he belonged with Poe. He shook his head. He couldn’t stay and he couldn’t leave.
“Again, tracking ring,” Poe didn’t let himself sigh. “General Organa can contact Rey. She’s safe, Finn. She’s far away, where the First Order won’t find her. She’s with Chewie, and R2, and Luke! They’ll be back soon. Or Rey and Luke will do their special Jedi... stuff while they’re there, and we'll meet up with them at a later date. The point is, we can communicate with her if there's an emergency. And General Leia or Admiral Holdo should have already told Rey and Chewie where we're headed.”
Finn nodded, but couldn’t stop himself from slumping his shoulders. Apparently going to Rey was out of the question. “Alright, alright. But I’m not Resistance, not yet. Well, I’m against the First Order, but I can’t... I’m not ready to go back out there. I'm not ready to go back out there and kill other Stormtroopers again. I'm not ready to have my life on the line again. I'm not ready..." He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, his back aching from the memory that flashed before his eyes. "...to face Kylo Ren again."
“You don’t have to fight for us, you just have to be here,” Poe assured. He understood the young man’s need to stay away from the front lines. War was nasty business, and for a defector? Even worse. No one liked having to kill former allies. “But General Organa does want to see you. She wouldn’t tell me why, just that she needed to see you after you were awake.”
“Uh... Sure,” Finn nodded, but inside he felt an odd sense of dread at General Leia Organa taking a specific interest in him. It wasn’t that she was a general. It wasn’t that she was a former senator. It wasn’t even that she was Luke Skywalker’s sister, or the daughter of Anakin Skywalker AKA Darth Vader and Padme Amidala. No, it was that she was Leia Organa, and that was enough to make him fear her. Why didn’t other people?
“Great, let’s get out of here,” Poe patted Finn on the back and gently nudged him forward. BB-8 chirped and rolled out right into the door. Offended, he backed up and rolled into it again until Poe opened the door as he charged at it once more, letting him think the door had opened from him approaching it. He looked at Finn again and smiled. “You look like you could use a walk, too. You know, give those muscles some use.”
Finn could’ve used a lot of things. For example, news that Rey had dragged Luke Skywalker kicking and screaming into the Millennium Falcon, and would rejoin the Resistance within a few days. He also, quite frankly, could’ve used a better pair of pants that didn’t clash horribly with his jacket. Sometimes, you just didn’t get what you wanted.
But he could deal with that for now. His body ached, his stomach growled, and he dreaded the future ahead.