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“I hate being a ghost during this time of year.” Namjoon groaned as the snow fell around him.
“Stop being bitter, the month is almost over anyway.” Hoseok said with a yawn.
The two men walked slowly on the snowed and empty streets, the Christmas lights illuminating the way to their “home”. Hoseok and Namjoon had died years ago, it was so long that they hardly remembered how they died. It was all a blur, the only thing they knew was that Hoseok died first in a car crash, and then months later Namjoon died after falling from the stairs at the campus library (a pretty pathetic way to die in his opinion). The two didn’t know each other when living, they met after both started messing with a drunk guy who was determined to drive. Hoseok took the guy’s keys and Namjoon slashed his tires, preventing the man to get on the road. It was a fun night.
Both had come to terms with their deaths and were all past the “grieving” part of being a ghost. They now lived in the attic of a sweet old lady named Janice. They had found her home after hearing her yell over her lost cat one night. The cat had gone out through the window and even though she tried to chase after him, the cat (named Snicker Doodle) was much too fast for her. Namjoon carried the cat back to her home meanwhile Hoseok knocked on the door and distracted Janice long enough for Namjoon to place Snicker Doodle on her bed. The two would stop by her home every few days to check up on her, till one day they just decided to “haunt” her home. If Janice lost something, Namjoon and Hoseok would look and place it somewhere she could find it. If she forgot to water the plants, they would take care of it, etc. They were supposed to be as secretive as possible, but somewhere along the way, Janice realized she wasn’t alone and started thanking her guardian angels for taking care of her. Little did she know that in reality it was two ghosts who lived in her cob filled attic.
While being at home was fun, there were times when the two men got bored and thus they would end up roaming around the city. It was fun looking into people’s lives and them not being able to see you. It almost made them feel like spies. Scaring people was also fun, although they didn’t do it much.
However, while walking around the streets normally brought Namjoon joy, he couldn’t help but feel empty. Ever since December started and people started setting up their Christmas decorations, Namjoon could feel his heart shrink and the frown on his face form. He used to love Christmas when he was alive, but ever since he died, Christmas felt like an anchor that Namjoon was being forced to drag as the snow suffocated him and made his non existent body numb. “You’re like the grinch” Hoseok would tease, and at first Namjoon would smile, but the joke had died down and it no longer made him laugh.
“Everything feels so lonely, ya know” Namjoon said with a sigh, his arms crossed as if trying to warm up his invisible body. Hoseok simply nodded. “We can’t even eat any of the food or anything, it’s unfair.”
“Why don’t you say this over Thanksgiving?”
“Please Hoseok, i’m already upset, I don’t want to talk about a holiday that celebrates genocide and colonialism.”
“The turkey was really good though” Hoseok mumbled, his mouth turning into a pout as a gush of freezing air passed through him. Even though he couldn’t feel the cold anymore, he still shivered and cursed mother nature for making it colder than Namjoon’s heart.
“Ha-ha, very funny. Jokes on you, i’m dead so my whole body is cold” Namjoon said with a smirk.
“Actually you don’t have a body anymore, but nice attempt at a comeback, you get one point for effort.” Hoseok responds immediately, as if he already knew what Namjoon was going to say. Namjoon sighed once again, his back slouching and his eyes closing for a few moments. He hated Christmas so much, it was exhausting. “But hey, at least he will be home soon.” Hoseok cooed as Namjoon stopped and fought back a smile.
Ah yes, him. The boy with black hair and pretty dark eyes. The boy who hums as he washes the dishes and cries over nature documentaries. The boy with a deep but gentle voice, he would be back soon.
Namjoon hated admitting that he had a crush on him, but he couldn’t deny it anymore. It didn’t even qualify as a crush anymore, Namjoon was completely in love and he had been for three years now. That was one of the reasons he hated Christmas, because unlike everyone else, Namjoon wouldn’t be able to hold him and keep him warm while they watched Christmas movies or baked cookies. If only he was alive.
“C’mon, let’s head back home, maybe Janice is watching a movie right now!” Hoseok exclaimed with excitement as he bounced up and down, his eyes closed with happiness.
“Alright, alright! Let’s go home.”
—-
Namjoon had waited by the door for two day when he finally arrived. He had heard Janice talk to him on the phone hours before his arrival as she bragged about how pretty the house would look by the time he got home, and she was right. Janice spent hours making the house feel as warm and cozy as possible, with Namjoon and Hoseok helping as much as they could. Everything was ready, except for Namjoon. Despite knowing he would come home like he did every other year, his heart still felt like it would flutter away at the sound of the doorbell.
Janice slowly opened the door and let out a gasp and the sight of him. The boy smiled as she quickly embraced him into a hug. “There’s my favorite grandson!”
The boy laughed, the sound causing Namjoon to sigh fondly and for Hoseok to roll his eyes and the sight of his in love friend. “Grandma, i’m your only grandson.”
Janice lightly smacked the boy’s chest. “Would you please just let me have some fun Yoongi.”
Yoongi laughed and gave his grandmother another hug, the smile never leaving his face.
Namjoon stared at the two with tears in his eyes. He loved when Yoongi came home, not only because he got to see him, but because Janice did too. Janice loved Yoongi, but she didn’t get to see him much, so it was a special occasion every time he visited.
Yoongi talked to his grandmother for a few more minutes before heading upstairs to the guest room, Namjoon following close behind. Namjoon listened closely to the boy as he began humming a song while unpacking his stuff. Yoongi had gotten buffer, his hair had gotten longer too, but he was still the same man Namjoon had fallen in love with three years ago.
“You having fun staring at him?” Hoseok whispered in Namjoon’s ear as he appeared behind him.
“Shh! Quiet down! He could hear us!” Namjoon said quietly as he covered Hoseok’s mouth with his hand. Hoseok laughed and slapped Namjoon’s hand away.
“Let him hear us!” Hoseok said slightly louder. “That way he’ll know that you’ve been in love with him since forever!”
Namjoon tackled Hoseok, causing both the men to fall to the ground with a loud thud. The impact of their fall caused a book on the shelf to fall next to Namjoon and for Yoongi to immediately stop humming and turn towards the direction of the noise.
Hoseok and Namjoon stayed in place, afraid to move even though they were well aware that Yoongi couldn’t see them. Yoongi walked towards Namjoon and picked up the book as Namjoon looked at him with wide eyes. Although he knew it wasn’t true, for a few seconds, it felt like Yoongi was staring right at Namjoon. Yoongi’s eyelashes were so pretty and his nose was so small. He had a few tiny freckles that Namjoon had never noticed before and his eyes were sparkling like the Christmas lights on the tree.
“That was weird.” Yoongi said to himself as he put the book back on the shelf. Yoongi eyed the shelf for a bit before jumping up and down for a few seconds. Hoseok tried to contain his laughter as Yoongi jumped repeatedly with determination. “Nothing.” Yoongi said through breathes after his jumping fit. Yoongi walked away from the shelf and headed back downstairs where his grandmother was already cooking dinner.
—-
Namjoon threw himself on the beaten down sofa as Hoseok followed quietly behind him. As soon as Yoongi had left the room, Namjoon practically ran towards the attic where he could be as loud as he wanted and in peace.
“Hey, Namjoon, it’s okay.” Hoseok said as he softly placed his hand on Namjoon’s shoulder.
“Hoseok he looked right at me! His hand was so close to me, he is so beautiful and I can’t even tell him!” Namjoon exclaimed as he grabbed a cushion and yelled into it.
Hoseok sighed as he brought Namjoon closer to him. Namjoon put the cushion down and rested his head on Hoseok’s lap, his eyes closing in sadness. “It’s hard being a gay ghost I know.” Hoseok paused but continued when his comment failed to make Namjoon smile. “But don’t give up. I set up the mistletoe again, maybe this year will be the year!”
“Ah yes, the mistletoe.” Namjoon thought. Every year since Namjoon had fallen for Yoongi, Hoseok set up a mistletoe on top of the stairs hoping that Yoongi would stand under it long enough for Namjoon to make his move. However, it never happened. Hoseok was convinced that Yoongi was blind; it was impossible for him not to see it. He could have also been ignoring it, but whatever the reason may have been, Hoseok was sure that this would be the year. Namjoon on the other hand, had a different opinion.
“I have a good feeling about this year!”
“Hoseok, we’ve been over this, it isn’t consensual. I’m not gonna kiss him.” Namjoon scolded, his eyes still closed.
“Namjoon. We’re dead, this could be your only opportunity. Besides, it could be a kiss in the cheek. I just want you to be happy.” Namjoon remained quiet. Hoseok let out another sigh and gave Namjoon a quick kiss on his forehead before speaking again. “Okay, I’ll drop it.”
Namjoon let out a silent thank you as the image of Yoongi’s eyes consumed him.
---
Three Years Ago
Namjoon stood frozen at the top of the stairs as he saw Yoongi walk inside, his eyes scanning the house attentively. He had a pair of glasses and a massive hoodie on, his arms completely hidden.
“Wow grandma, your house is something else. Isn’t it a little too big for just you to live in?” Yoongi asked in awe, his mouth and eyes open wide.
Janice laughed. “Not at all. And who said I was alone? I have Snicker Doodle and my guardian angels, that’s all I need.”
Yoongi laughed. “You got guardian angels grandma?”
“We all do Yoongi, some of ours are just more visible than others.”
Yoongi nodded as he moved further inside the house. “Fair enough.”
Namjoon slowly walked down the stairs, careful as to not make a sound. Curiosity had gotten the best of him, and so Namjoon slowly walked to the living room where Yoongi’s back was facing him. Yoongi was admiring the painting that was hanging on the wall, his full attention captured by the colors and shapes on the canvas.
“Namjoon, what are you doing?” Hoseok whispered as he appeared behind Namjoon.
But Namjoon ignored him and instead stepped closer to the boy in front of him. He reached out towards Yoongi, his hand only inches away from his shoulder, but before he could make another move, Janice called Yoongi’s name.
“Yoongi! Come over here!” Janice called.
Yoongi slowly turned around and Namjoon felt as if everything had turned to slow motion. Yoongi was now facing him and Namjoon felt as his knees got weak and his heart moved to the pit of his stomach. “He’s beautiful.” Namjoon thought. Yoongi was staring right at him, his eyes being the most beautiful shade of brown Namjoon had ever seen. He had fallen in love.
---
It had been four days since Yoongi had arrived. Namjoon and Hoseok had seen Janice and Yoongi wrap up presents, play checkers, watch the Notebook and The Perks of Being a Wallflower back to back, bake cookies, and sing karaoke, among other things.
Today, it was Christmas Eve and Yoongi was getting ready to go out celebrating with his grandmother and other family. He was buttoning his shirt as Namjoon sat in his bed, attentively admiring the beautiful man in front of him. Yeah, Christmas was shit, but this moment right here made it worth it. Yoongi looked happy; it was nice to see. A smile crept up Namjoon’s face as he watched Yoongi struggle with his tie for a few seconds. “You almost got it.” Namjoon thought. Finally, after a few minutes and a hand cramp, Yoongi was ready.
“How do I look?” Yoongi said as he checked himself out in the mirror, a small chuckle escaping his lips.
“Absolutely amazing.” Namjoon thought, his eyes dripping with love. Yoongi bit his lip as he slowly turned around, admiring his outfit from every angle. “God you are so beautiful”.
Yoongi grunted. “I wish you would answer me.” Namjoon froze. Yoongi was staring right at him, Yoongi’s eyes practically burning into his. Namjoon didn’t even dare to breathe as Yoongi started walking towards him. Just when he was inches away, Yoongi reached for the teddy bear sitting next to Namjoon and sighed. “This would be so much easier if you could speak. You would be honest with me and tell me if my outfit sucked right?”. Namjoon let out a sigh of relief. Although Namjoon wished that Yoongi could see him and touch him, the thought of Yoongi seeing Namjoon completely whipped as he sat in that bed was embarrassing and out right horrifying.
Yoongi set the teddy bear back on the bed and cleared his throat before walking out of the room. Namjoon followed him, but stopped when he noticed where Yoongi was standing. Right above him was Hoseok’s mistletoe. Yoongi was checking his phone, but all Namjoon could see was the mistletoe and how cute Yoongi looked. “No...no I can’t.” Namjoon thought before closing his eyes and heading downstairs with Hoseok.
----
It was now Christmas Day, and Janice and Yoongi had not returned yet. The past few years, Janice and Yoongi would be back around 12 am, maybe 1 am at the latest, but never this late. Snicker Doodle had even noticed their absence, as he had not stopped crying since the morning.
“Hoseok, they should be back by now.” Namjoon said, his voice shaking with nervousness.
“They’ll be back soon. I know it.” Hoseok tried convincing Namjoon, but even he had grown worried and felt like crying with Snicker Doodle.
---
It had been three days, and Janice and Yoongi still had not appeared. Hoseok and Namjoon had been trying to feed Snicker Doodle, but he had stopped eating after the second day of Janice’s absence. Namjoon and Hoseok didn’t know what to do. They could call Janice or the police, but how would they explain who they were and their relationship to Janice and Yoongi. It was impossible, and so, they continued waiting.
---
It was the fourth day, and Hoseok wasn’t smiling anymore. He simply hugged Snicker Doodle and sat in Janice’s chair, missing her more each day. Namjoon spent the whole day roaming the house, his eyes filled with tears of worry. However, that night, around 10 pm, Namjoon heard a sound coming from the guest room. He ignored it at first, assuming it was Snicker Doodle or Hoseok, but became confused when he saw both of them playing in the kitchen. Namjoon heard another sound and slowly made his way up the stairs. He walked towards the guest room and carefully turned on the light, the teddy bear still laying on the bed. Namjoon sighed and sat down on the bed. He picked up the bear and held it tight, wondering where Yoongi had gone to. Namjoon closed his eyes and felt the tears begin to swell, when he heard another voice, but this time from the hallway. Namjoon quickly threw the bear on the bed and rushed outside, his jaw dropping.
“Yoongi?” Namjoon said, his eyes filled with confusion, but also relief. Yoongi’s back was facing him, but even like that Namjoon could tell he was smiling. Yoongi slowly turned around and locked eyes with Namjoon. It all seemed real, Yoongi staring at Namjoon but of course it wasn’t. And yet,,,
“Namjoon.”
Namjoon froze. His eyes filled with tears once again. “This is impossible. You-you can’t see me.”
Yoongi’s head hung low as he smiled. “Well believe it.”
Namjoon stepped closer, his eyes scanning Yoongi and taking every detail in. He was still wearing the clothes from Christmas Eve.
“How-where were you?” Namjoon whispered, his voice threatening to break into a sob.
Yoongi bit his lip. “Oh, yeah, sorry we disappeared. We had no idea death would take so long.”
Namjoon’s eyes closed as the tears began to stream down his face. “You’re dead?” Yoongi nodded, his eyes filled with sadness. Namjoon let out a sob as he felt Yoongi pull him into a hug. Yoongi’s touch is all Namjoon ever wanted, but at what cost. “How did you die?” Namjoon asked, his voice quivering.
“Ah, my grandma and I offered to go to the store during dinner and get some more hot chocolate when a tree branch fell on the road and we crashed into. Kinda a shitty way to die huh?” Yoongi laughed.
Even though it felt wrong, Namjoon laughed with him. “But wait, your grandmother-”
“She died too. Don’t worry though, she was kinda happy about it, she said she could finally stop paying her bills.”
Both men looked at each other and laughed, Yoongi still holding Namjoon in his arms. After few seconds, Namjoon’s face returned to sadness as he looked at Yoongi again. “But wait, why are you here? Why aren’t you with your grandmother and family? And...how do you know my name.”
Yoongi smiled. “You still don’t get it? I came back for you.” Namjoon stared in confusion, his eyes running wild.
“What?”
“Three years ago, my first time visiting my grandma by myself, you and Hoseok were right there when I turned around. I looked straight at you. And remember, Christmas Eve? I said ‘I wish you would answer me’, I was talking to you. When you and Hoseok got into a fight and the book fell from the book shelf, I saw it all. I’ve always seen you.”
Namjoon could feel his brain breaking down. “B-but how? I don’t understand? Why didn’t you say anything?”
Yoongi smiled once again, causing the butterflies in Namjoon’s stomach to start fluttering. “My grandma has always had a great sixth sense, some people even called her a medium. She was the one to tell me there were ghosts in her house. Well, she called you guys guardian angels cause she thoughts ghosts would be rude. I guess I got it from her. I’ve been able to see ghosts my entire life, that’s how I know yours and Hoseok’s name, I heard you guys talking. You guys are pretty loud you know that.” Namjoon rolled his eyes. “And, as to why I never said anything, everytime I looked at you, you would immediately turn away and panic. If I even looked in your general direction, you would run away, so I just decided to pretend not to know so you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. I liked having you around, but the only way to do that was to ignore you I guess. I’m sorry.”
“B-but the book thing? You-”
“I pretended to be surprised so you wouldn't suspect anything.”
Namjoon grunted and covered his face with his hands as he wished he could die all over again. “How did I never notice.” He mumbled.
“Maybe cause you were too busy being in love with me.”
At that, Namjoon pushed Yoongi away and crossed his arms, tears still streaming down his face. “I’m not in love with you, who ever said that.”
Yoongi laughed the hardest Namjoon had ever seen him laugh. His nose was scrunched up and his eyes were closed in delight. “Even when i’m dead you won’t make a move.” Namjoon felt his cheeks redden. Yoongi slowly stopped laughing and reached a hand out for Namjoon. “It’s okay, I love you too.” Namjoon remained quiet. “I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you three years ago. I loved you so much that I came to visit the next year, and then the next.” He paused as he interlocked his fingers with Namjoon, his thumb slowly forming circles on Namjoon’s hand. “At first I thought you and Hoseok were a thing-“
“We’re not!!”
Yoongi smiled. “But… then you would be with me for hours while I changed, while I was reading, while I was crying over that stupid panda documentary which was really sad I don’t appreciate you laughing at me by the way.” Namjoon blushed again, a small smile on his lips. “But you were always there to reassure me in whatever I did, even if you thought I couldn’t hear you. So I guess that’s why I thought you loved me.”
Namjoon felt another tear stream down his face, Yoongi quickly wiping it away with his other hand. The two men looked at each other in silence, smiles on both of their faces. Namjoon let out a nervous laugh, overwhelmed with emotions. After a few more tears escaped his eyes, he finally said, “I do love you.”
Yoongi giggled at the confession, causing Namjoon to let out an “aw!” and for Yoongi to blush.
The two stepped closer, their lips inches away from each other. Namjoon began closing his eyes when-
“Wait, am I allowed to kiss you? I know you’re big on consent.”
“Oh god.” Namjoon mumbled, remembering the conversation he had with Hoseok over the kiss. “You really can hear everything.” Namjoon thought.
Before Namjoon could answer, Yoongi pulled him closer and kissed him. Namjoon’s eyes fluttered closed as he wrapped his arms around Yoongi’s waist. Yoongi smiled into the kiss, his heart beating faster than it ever did when he was alive. He wrapped his arms around Namjoon’s neck and moaned in satisfaction. The two slowly pulled away, cheeks red and eyes watery. “Sorry, you were taking too long.” Yoongi said quietly, his smile as bright as ever.
“It’s okay, I made you wait long enough.” Namjoon whispered. The two leaned in for another kiss as they giggled. “Maybe Christmas isn’t so bad.” Namjoon thought.
Meanwhile, Hoseok smiled and held Snicker Doodle close as he saw Namjoon and Yoongi finally together. “See, I knew it would happen.” Hoseok whispered, his eyes moving up to where the mistletoe was dangling directly above the two ghosts.