Chapter Text
Rick and Morty are sitting in the cell of a dungeon on a foreign planet in a distant dimension. Their captor, a tall, dark-green upright slug-alien with salamander limbs, stands on the other side of the bars, draped in a kingly robe and wearing a lush velvet-gold crown with holes for his eyestalks. He is laughing a dark, evil laugh.
King Alien: Hahahaha! Yes, soon, Rick, soon, we will unlock the secrets of your portal gun, and have free reign of the multiverse! Your fellow Resistance collaborators held out for an admirably long time, but at last, they have given us the information we needed... but, just to be sure... [gestures to the guards] take the boy...
Morty: Noooooo! Rick, help, oh god, Rick, do something, oh my god...
Rick rolls his eyes.
Rick: Alright, that's it, this has really gotten boring. Time to go, Morty.
Rick snaps his fingers and a portal appears under the king, who falls into it screaming. Another snap and the guards' heads explode. Reaching his hand out to the side, the portal gun materializes in Rick's hand. A third snap and a portal appears in front of him. Rick steps through with a shell-shocked Morty into Rick's lab in the garage.
Morty: Rick? What. THE FUCK. Was that. Are you telling me. That you could have gotten. Us out of there. AT. ANY. TIME?
Rick: Yep
Morty: [Moans and beats Rick with his fists] WE SPENT TWO WEEKS IN AN ALTHORIAN DUNGEON AND WE COULD HAVE LEFT WHENEVER!!!?!?! AND YOU LET ME THINK THAT IT WAS HOPELESS SINCE THEY HAD YOUR PORTAL GUN!!!?! OH MY GOD, THEY MADE US WATCH AS THEY EXECUTED OUR FRIENDS-
Rick: Morty, I've literally never needed my portal gun. Integrating portal ability directly into my physiology was the first thing I did with the tech. I keep the gun around for redundancy and misdirection.
Morty: waAAAAA teeUUeeuuu FUUUUUuuu
Rick: Seriously? HPMOR had that little of an effect on you? This aspect of my personality should be quite predictable to you at this point.
Morty: Why would you do this? Fucking whyyyyyyyyy!?!?!
Rick: Why spend two weeks in an Althorian dungeon if that's the case? Because sometimes, Morty, you really gotta commit to the narrative, you know? I thought you wanted fun. I thought you wanted adventure. Welp, time to wake up Morty, but if you want adventure you gotta commit to the bad as well as the good. That's what make it an adventure - the not-knowing whether things will turn out OK.
Morty: Fuck. You. Next time, we're doing an adventure that I want to do. And you're going to do nothing but sit in the background and help me out.
Rick: Your adventures are always soooo laaaaame
Morty: Oh really, Rick? Because I just so happen to have gotten the idea from that HPMOR trip you dragged me on. Ever heard of Animorphs: The Reckoning?
Rick: No?
Morty: Well, Rick, it's another rational fanfiction that I discovered after finishing HPMOR. And it's really good, and also I loved Animorphs when I was in middle school. So that's our next adventure. You owe me. So you've got some preparatory reading to do. I'm gonna go do homework. Let me know when you've finished.
Rick: Ugh. Fine. Whatever floats your boat. If it'll calm you down, you can have your adventure this ONE time.
A few days later, Rick approaches Morty.
Rick: Alright, Morty. I went into a pocket dimension and read the original series as well as Animorphs: The Reckoning. Gotta say, it was actually fantastic. So: this is your adventure. How do you want to proceed?
Morty: No God mode this time. No Cronenberging things up! All I want to do is join the Animorphs, make friends with them, have a fun time fighting Visser Three, eventually defeat him in a satisfying way, and then leave. All I want you to do is get rid of the Ellimist and Crayak for me, and take their place to make the narrative fun for me. Got it?
Rick: [Sighs] Can-do, Morty. But first, I need to take some... precautionary measures. The Council of Ricks got all pissed at me after last time when I accidentally unleashed HJPEV and Eliezer Yudkowsky on the multiverse. That is not happening again. Follow me.
Rick and Morty enter Rick's lab in the garage. Inside is a strange new machine that Morty has never seen before. It's a large metal box covered with blinking little lights. Morty walks up to a small window on the box and peers inside, where he sees miniscule wisps of what look like galaxies...
Rick: [Fiddling with knobs on the machine] Come on, Morty. We're not portaling in this time. We're taking the machine. Ready?
Morty: Yup!
Rick: [Presses a button]
Rick and Morty materialize on an empty street in a peaceful suburb near Washington D.C.. A young, gangly boy is walking down the street in front of them, facing the other direction and not noticing their presence.
Morty: Rick? Can you please pre-target the portal gun to the blender dimension?
Rick: [Looking surprised] Uhhh, okay. Done. [Hands Morty the portal gun]
Morty: Thanks.
Morty trots up to the boy on the street and taps him on the shoulder. The boy jumps, whipping around to face Morty.
Morty: Excuse me. Are you David? David Poznanski?
David: ...yes? Why?
Morty shoots a portal behind David.
Morty: Because FUCK YOU [front-kicks David through the portal]
A red mist phases through the portal interface and coats Morty's face with small, shiny droplets of blood. The portal closes as Morty stands staring forward, panting with rage.
Rick: Geez, Morty, that was dark.
Morty: He deserved it.
Morty begins to walk forward, but Rick holds up a hand and stops him.
Rick: Hold on, Morty. I expect that we've made a sufficient disturbance for the Ellimist to show up right about... now.
Suddenly, space warps. The sidewalk, street, and houses all recede into blackness, as Rick and Morty are pulled into a Z-space pocket dimension. Two humanoid avatars appears before them. One, an elderly elfish entity with pointed ears, simple black robes, and an all-encompassing white beard. The other, a black metal pillar with an eye grafted on top, swiveling on a tentacle-like optic nerve.
Rick: Heyyyyy, Ellimist! Crayak! Hooowwwww's it going? [Takes a swig of alcohol] Nice pocket dimension!
Ellimist: You are interfering with our game. Who are you? Our scans cannot penetrate the Z-space shield surrounding you.
Rick: Can't have you scanning and simulating us, now can I? I'm Rick, and this is my grandson Morty. This is our galaxy now. Please kindly take your game elsewhere.
Crayak: [In a deep, menacing, voice] Why should we? Your shields are impressive, for their size, but they look entirely destructible with some effort. I sense no other z-space machinery in the vicinity that you could martial to your defense.
Rick: Aaaand that's where you're wrong. You see, before I got to this universe, I made some edits to that "Arbiter" of yours overseeing your game. In particular, it now responds only to my commands. [Waves hand] Whoops! Sorry Crayak, looks like I just lopped off the nodes you positioned around Neptune. [Waves again.] Whoops! Sorry Ellimist, just scrambled the Z-space communication filaments running throughout your Oort cloud computing swarm!
Ellimist: Stop! You've made your point. Very well, we will leave the galaxy.
Rick: Thanks guys! Oh, and please leave behind your Z-space infrastructure when you go. I'm gonna need it for myself.
Crayak glares at Rick with murder in his eye. But, of course, he always looks like that. After a few seconds, the avatars vanish, and the street warps back into existence as Rick and Morty exit the pocket dimension.
Rick: Alright, Morty, they're gone. This is your show. Now what?
Morty: Now, you stay hidden, help me join the Animorphs, and oversee our missions to make sure we win! Tobias should be in morph down the street a couple of blocks. I'm gonna go find him and ask him to take me to the Animorphs! But watch out, there's a yeerk bug fighter on the loose! Wheee, haha, let's go!
Rick, looking very annoyed, grudgingly nods and phases into Z-space to watch the events. Morty strolls down the street in the direction David was headed. After a few blocks, he notices a mailbox with the name "Poznanski" engraved on the side. He walks up to the front door. And then, floats. The ground recedes as Morty is pulled upward by the tractor beam from the cloaked bug fighter above the house. The bug fighter meant for David and his father Jeremiah.
Inside the bug fighter, a Hork-Bajir stuns Morty (who is actually immune to weapons, but just pretending otherwise), lays him down, and places a yeerk on the side of his face. The yeerk crawls into his ear. Unfortunately for the yeerk, Morty has come with anti-yeerk earplugs pre-installed. Soon after crawling into his head, the yeerk is zapped out of existence. Morty bides his time, waiting for Tobias.
Soon, Tobias shows up and wreaks havoc on the bug fighter, taking out the Hork Bajir fighters and crashing the bug fighter into the house. As Tobias is morphing back into his own body, regrowing the arm he severed in the crash, Morty stands up.
Morty: Hey, wow, thanks Tobias! You saved me!
Tobias: [Shoots Morty with a stun gun.] How do you know my name, yeerk?
Morty: [Forgets to pretend to be stunned and continues standing] Oh, I uh... it, it, uh, you just seemed like a Tobias? And I don't have a yeerk in my head, I wanna join you and the Anim-, uh...
Tobias: [Dials up the gun and continues shooting, futilely, while backing away]
Morty: Riiiick! I messed up! Can I get a do-over?
Rick: [Materializing and facepalming] Goddamn it, Morty, what did you think was gonna happen? [Waves hand and paralyzes Tobias, who is attempting to run away] A do-over? Seriously? This ain't fuckin' Westworld. And I am not bringing us to another universe, after the effort I put into this one. You know what? I'm just gonna make some edits to this guy's memories to accelerate things a bit. [Disappears]
Tobias's eyes go wide as he hears this. Horrified, he struggles against the paralysis, but it is no use. Soon, his eyes glaze over, and then brighten again.
Tobias: Morty, was it? You really saved my ass back there. Come with me - I've got some friends I'd like you to meet...
Marco
We stood around the campfire - Jake, Tobias, Garrett, and I... facing our new guest and potential Animorph, "Morty." Tobias vouched for him, but nevertheless I sensed that something extremely odd was taking place. There was ... incongruity. A mysterious improbability alarm blaring in my head. Something's wrong here. Well, whatever it was, I was about to find out...
"Marco," Jake said, his eyes still locked on Morty's.
I stood up.
"There's this thing about morphing tech," Jake continued. "We know how to use it to look inside somebody's head. To see their thoughts and memories and personality. To find out whether they're telling the truth or not."
I could feel myself shrinking just the tiniest bit, the sensation like falling in slow motion as my clothes grew baggy and loose, as my skin lightened from copper to khaki.
"So Marco's going to take a quick look inside your head, see what you're like from the inside, find out if you're telling the truth or not."
"And if I am?"
"If you are, then maybe this conversation keeps going, and we give you a chance to join our cause and fight the yeerks. But if not..."
Jake trailed off, his eyes intent on Morty's face.
Morty didn't flinch. Just nodded, crossed his arms, and watched, as my hair grew curly and brown and my arms and legs thinned until noodle-like. Another minute passed, and we were eye to eye, identical in height as we were in everything else.
‹Here goes,› I whispered to Jake, and I reached inside for the tiny mental lever-
Click.
It was like I had dropped into the sea under a hurricane, tossed left and right by the ocean swells of emotion.
Fear.
Timidity.
Angst.
Lack of self-confidence.
And then I opened his memories.
It was everything I could do to not start screaming.
Blood. Gore. Chaos. Rick.
Reality was a vast, inconceivable infinity - and the God of this reality was named Rick Sanchez, and he was a fickle, volatile, cruel, careless God indeed...
And I saw the numerous "adventures" of Rick and Morty, the trippy dimensions, the tentacly aliens, the wake of destruction and death. It was beyond imagination, beyond any conceivable frame of reference I had ever traversed in all my forethought...
This was all a setup. All a fiction. This was Rick and Morty's game, not ours.
And Rick was here. Watching.
‹Jake,› I began, trying to keep the horror out of my -
-fleeting disorientation-
‹What's the word, Marco?›
I began to demorph, feeling relaxed, confident - almost hopeful ‹We definitely want this kid.› I said. ‹Forget being another Tobias - I think he might be another you.›
‹Oh?›
‹Yeah,› I said, closing down the mental copy of the kid so he wouldn't suffer. ‹Very solid. Perceptive, helpful, loyal, looks out for the little guy. Leader type.›
Jake turned back toward Morty, gave him a slow, respectful nod. "Marco says good things," he said. "Let's keep talking."
The boy nodded back, his expression unchanged.
The next few weeks are a montage of classic Animorphs adventures: gritty, brutal, and fun. Morty and the Animorphs slowly manage pick apart many of Visser Three's ongoing schemes on earth. Tyagi and her people successfully coordinate with other nations to lead a covert takedown of some yeerk sleeper cells. The attempted call to the Andalites is blocked by some mysterious spacetime anomaly, but the way things are going, who needs the Andalites anyway?
An extremely down-on-his-luck Visser Three grows increasingly frustrated and trigger-happy. Which, of course, just leads to more mistakes and more frustration. He had always been so careful, so meticulous... what the vanaryx was he doing wrong? Had the hypothetical God-entities at play turned against him?
Now, all the Animorphs gather around their campsite once again, this time to take a little break and celebrate their victory over the sleeper cell in North Korea. Well, really it was Tyagi's victory, but the Animorphs were the ones who had gathered the intel in a nail-biting morph-spy-thriller.
Jake: Well, guys, I never thought I'd be saying this, not so soon, but it looks like... somehow... we're winning. The peace negotiations with Telor are coming along nicely. Most of Visser Three's operations seem to be dismantled by this point. I think we can afford to take tonight off. We could all use the rest anyway.
Marco: Knock on wood.
Morty: Yeah, let's celebrate! This was fun, you guys.
Jake: Excuse me, fun? You're calling war fun?
Morty: No, I just, I mean... it was good getting to know all you guys! I, uh...
Marco: Yes, I'm sure the Ellimist set this all up just to be a fun social exercise, wouldn't that be something...
Rachel: Hey, lay off... I'm actually with Morty on this one. Minus the whole war thing, and all the stakes ... the past few weeks have, in fact, been fun. No one has gotten seriously hurt on a mission. Hell, some of our missions were straight out of action movies, I swear...
Marco: Maybe the Ellimist been catching up on Hollywood. Not sure that's a good sign, guys.
Morty: [Smiling to himself] Why do you always have to be so pessimistic, Marco? I think everything's going to be just fine -
Suddenly, everything stops. The campfire freezes in place, flames suspended mid-flicker. The insects hang in the air, caught mid-flap in invisible amber. The military personel at the camp stand motionless. The Animorphs - Jake, Marco, Tobias, Garrett, Ax, Rachel, and Morty - gaze at each other uncertainly.
Marco: Fuck.
A form materializes in the midst of the camp. The form of... Rick Sanchez. Stumbling drunk, slurring his words.
Rick: Heeeyyyyyyy, it's meeeee, the Ellimist [stumbles and takes a swig from a flask]
Morty: [Puts his hands in his face.] Oh my god, Rick, you just had to fucking ruin it, didn't you? What the fuck are you doing?
Marco: Wait, hold on... you know this guy?
Morty: [sighs] It's complicated, I'll explain later... Rick? I swear to god...
Rick: You know, MmmORTY, I have, I have, I *buuurp* have feelings too you know, I have neeeeeeds, I want my own adventure too, ya, you know, Morty? It's booooring all up here in Z-space, being *braahhpp* a god and shit... I've been watching movies, Morty, catching up on Hollywood - and then I re-read the Animorphs original series in the Child Simulator Dimension, to see what it was like to read as a little kid... and, and Morty, it was fun, it had, it had lots of fun stuff, and so I thought, I thought we could re-enact some of... some of the fun stuff from the original series...
Morty: Rick, we had a good thing going here, don't you dare...
Rick: Too late! It's time for your first Megamorphs mission! It's Megamorphs-time, Morty, Megamorphs, yeah!
And before anyone can do anything, Rick snaps his fingers, and the Animorphs are teleported to hot, primordial jungle.
Rick: This, haha, this is dinosaur times, Morty! Remember that? Megamorphs #2, In the time of the Dinosaurs, awwwwww yeeeEEEEAAAaahhh babayyyy!! Your first mission is, uhhh, to, uhhh, collect... one hundred... T-Rex teeth, and, uhhh, fifty... two hundred fifty velociraptor teeth. Before the Chicxulub asteroid hits in twenty-four hours and kills everyone! Good luuuuuck! [vanishes]
The Animorphs - bewildered, horrified - look back and forth from Morty to the place where Rick vanished.
Tobias: Morty? I think you've got some serious explaining to do.
Morty: [Puts his head in his hands, collapses to the ground, and moans in rage] You know what? I can't. I can't explain. It won't do the reality justice. You should all just morph into me and crawl through my memories. That'll be faster.
Marco: I did that once already, and I sure as hell didn't see this...
Morty: Your memories were altered, just do it again. But first. [Gets to his feet, presses his hands to his temples, and recalls the Animorphs original series]. We're in dinosaur times right now. There are probably a dozen predators in the area who want to eat us, so I suggest we all get to a safer place first.
The Animorphs morph into birds and fly above the treeline, making sure to watch out for any predatory Pterodactyls in the vicinity. They find a ledge on a high rock formation and alight. A few minutes later, they've all morphed into Morty. A few minutes after that, most have demorphed in abject horror. Garrett starts vomiting. Rachel morphs into a bear and destroys a nearby shrub. Jake and Marco remain in Morty-morph, absorbing every detail. Finally, they demorph. Tobias is the first to speak.
Tobias: All in favor of killing Morty? [He and Ax raise their hands]
Jake: Tobias...
Tobias ...or at least kicking him out of the Animorphs and abandoning him, how about that?
Jake: The problem, Tobias, is that he's our only link to this "Rick," and he's also the one who knows the most about the so-called "Animorphs Original Series..."
Tobias: We can just rip it out of his head from morph -
Rachel: Jake's right, Tobias, he's our strongest link to Rick. At least Morty wants us alive. Otherwise Rick couldn't care less about us.
Morty: [Resignedly] Look, I'm sorry guys, I know you all hate me now, but I'm your best bet for getting out of this.
Marco: As far as getting out of this is concerned, there is also the small problem that T-Rex and Velociraptor didn't fucking live in the same time period as one another.
Rachel: And two hundred fifty teeth? How the friggin' hell are we supposed to find and kill that many animals...
Morty: [Sighs heavily] It doesn't matter, we'll just find some dinosaurs that look close enough to the real thing and then acquire them. Then we'll morph into the dinos, knock the teeth out of the morph, and repeat until we have enough teeth. Trust me, I know Rick - he won't notice.
Jake: Well, that sounds like a plan at least. Let's do it. We can talk more once we have the teeth.
The Animorphs fly around for a while until they find something that is obviously a T-Rex lurking in the forest below.
Jake: ‹Okay guys, any ideas?›
Marco: ‹Well, I guess someone just has to fly down, land on it, demorph, and acquire it. I volunteer Morty, since accidentally dying isn't a problem for him.›
Soon, Morty flies down and lands next to the T-Rex's tail. The T-Rex doesn't seem to notice.
Morty: [Demorphing] ‹oh my god don't eat me oh jesus oh geez oh geez›
Once Morty is out of morph, the T-Rex cocks it head to the side, noticing him. But before it can do anything, Morty places his hand on its tail, and the T-Rex nods as it enters the acquiring trance. When finished, Morty runs away into a nearby thicket and re-morphs a bird. Soon, after flying to a safe location, all the Animorphs have acquired and morphed T-Rexes.
Rachel: [In T-Rex morph] I must say, in spite of everything - this is fun. No Visser, no alien body-snatchers, no intelligent adversaries. Just dinosaurs. I fucking love dinosaurs. Almost makes me wish I lived in the Animorphs: Original Series universe.
Tobias, flying as a red-tailed hawk, soon spots some predators that sort of resemble what everyone expects velociraptors to look like. After some careful coordination, three T-Rexes surround the poor predators and converge on their location. Shortly thereafter, the Animorphs acquire their "velociraptor" morphs, and by having Morty repeatedly morph, get his teeth knocked out, and then demorph, they soon have all the teeth they need.
Morty: [Shouting to the air] Rick? We did it. We got the teeth.
Rick: [Appearing, still marvelously drunk] Congrats, you did it!
Morty: Alright, so you'll let us all go home now?
Rick: Haha, no! We're just getting started!
Rick snaps his fingers and teleports everyone to a city on a distant planet, bustling with activity and strange beings.
Rick: Remember this, Morty? It's the Iskoort homeworld! The Iskoort homeworld, Morty, from book 26, The Attack. The one where Jake morphs into a tiger on the cover. I've placed... seven... Howlers, on the planet. You have... twenty-four hours to kill them all, or, uh, I blow up the planet with antimatter bombs or something... I'm so fucking drunk... good luck! [vanishes]
Morty: Goddamn it. [sighs] Okay, guys, follow me. I have a plan. Just so y'all are up to speed, Howlers are deadly warriors with heavy armor and weapons. They're strong and fast, and have a scream that paralyzes you. Not terribly smart, though. But we're not going anywhere near them. We're going to pick them off one by one from a distance. You guys should also acquire earplugs at the nearest available opportunity, just in case, or morph into something with no ears.
Morty leads the Animorphs through the strange city, past thrumming bazaars where diverse multitudes of beings haggle with vulture-like, accordion-bodied Iskoort traders.
Marco: Wait a minute, they're... they're speaking English? What...
Morty: [Sighs] Rick must have picked a version of this world where English just randomly happens to have independently developed here as a common language, just... just don't think about it too much. It's convenient, at least. Wait! [Holds up hand for everyone to stop, and turns to a nearby Iskoort salesman standing next to a chair with what looks like a brain scanner on the top.]
Iskoort Salesman: Memories! Memories for sale! Get your memories over here! Have an interesting memory of your own? Sell it here! Memories!
Morty: Just what I was looking for.
Morty leads the Animorphs up to the memory salesman.
Morty: Yes, hello, I'd like to sell my memories.
Iskoort Salesman: Perfect! Sit on down and let's see what you've got.
Five minutes later, the salesman's beak is hanging open and his eyes are bulging out of his head as he sifts through Morty's mind.
Iskoort Salesman: Why... why... these... I've never seen memories like these, why... these will make you rich! With these memories you could buy anything you want! If I sold all my possessions, that wouldn't begin to dent the amount that these are worth...
Morty: Tell you what. I'll hire you as a guide. You help me use these to buy what I want, and when I leave this planet, you can have all the remaining wealth. I don't need it.
Iskoort salesman: ...you would just give me your earnings? That's generous, but perhaps too good to be true? Why should I trust you?
Morty: Look, you saw the memories. Does it look like I care about money?
Iskoort salesman: I suppose not.
Morty: Great! Your first task is to take me to the nearest spaceship dealer. I need a ship with heavy weapons.
Iskoort salesman: But weapons are illegal on a private spaceship!
Morty: Oh, so I guess I'll just go to the next memory salesman then...
Iskoort salesman: No, wait! I know a guy.
Morty: And while we're at it, take me somewhere I can find a good bottle of strong alcohol... I've got an idea...
Soon, Morty and the Animorphs have purchased a small heavily-weaponed spaceship on the black market, as well as a bottle of the planet's finest alcohol, which Morty stores away in Z-space when he morphs into himself. Manning the controls, Morty flies the ship into the air, cloaking enabled.
Jake: Morty, uh, where did you learned to fly a spaceship?
Morty: Rick takes me on a lot of trips in his personal ship. I had to learn how to drive it for when Rick got too drunk to do it himself. This is a ship with similar controls.
Morty absent-mindedly flies the ship around the city looking for Howlers.
Morty: [Glancing at the screen] Whoop - there's a howler. Ax?
Ax, manning the weapons station, encases the howler in force-fields and lifts it up in a tractor beam. Morty flies higher in the air, where Ax incinerates the howler with a laser and launches its corpse into space.
Morty: Great! Six more to go.
Rachel: That felt like cheating.
Marco: It felt like winning to me. I like this plan.
Five more howlers are dispatched likewise. Marco's brow furrows more and more each time, until he finally says what's been bothering him -
Marco: Uh, Morty?
Morty: [Absent-mindedly] Yes?
Marco: How are you finding these howlers?
Morty: What do you mean?
Marco: I mean, there's a whole planet to search, and the ship's sensors aren't capable of searching with this precision, and there's no way it's luck - so how are we finding the howlers in the middle of crowds of millions spread around a whole fucking planet?
Morty: I... huh. I don't know. I've just sort of been flying where I feel like, and the howlers turn up. I figured Rick was putting them in our path or something.
Marco: Rick seems a bit too out of it to think of details like this. Something weird is going on.
Morty: Huh. Oh look. [Points at the screen]. The last howler. Hey, Ax, instead of launching this one into space, let's bring it aboard the ship. Everyone should acquire a howler morph.
Soon, the last howler is captured, zapped unconscious, acquired, and dispatched, and the Animorphs are trying out their new and powerful howler morphs.
Morty: [Shouting to the air] Rick! We did it! We killed all the howlers! Can you please just bring us ho-
Rick: [As a disembodied voice echoing around them] Congrats, you did it! Now for the, the *buuurrrrp* third task!
Morty: Goddammit, Rick -
The Animorphs are suddenly teleported to a vast olympic-sized arena enclosed on all sizes with thick metal walls. A large viewing window overlooks the arena, behind which stands Rick holding a mic connected to the speaker system.
Rick: [Voice booming through the arena] Alllllllright! Final task! Time for a good old-fashioned morph-fight! No technology, no tricks, no interventions - just a good old-fashioned morph-against-morph showdown! Yeah! Today's showdown is... all of the Animorphs, versus... Visser Three! [Rick snaps his fingers and Visser Three appears in the arena]
Esplin
The world blurred and focused around me. I immediately tensed, leaping into a practiced fighting stance and reaching for my sidearm. My hand jabbed at the empty skin where it should have been. I blinked, disoriented. I was no longer aboard my spaceship. What-
In a fraction of a second I whipped through my mental checklist. Sidearm gone. Utility belt, gone. Utility pouch hidden under a patch of fake skin, gone. Not in morph, though I had just been previously. I reached out my mind and felt for my ship, for my remote-controlled sentinels, for my backup system - all missing from my telepathic extension. How-
I crushed the question and immediately triggered my habit of rapid tactical assessment. I was in a large enclosed arena. Six human children and an Andalite stared at me from across the room, and I immediately recognized some of them as the so-called "Animorphs." A large pane of glass loomed over the arena above me and to the left, in which stood a strange human whom I did not recognize. No obvious exits. Gravity existed here - real or artificial? Options: attack immediately, attempt to communicate, attempt to escape. Attack and escape did not seem feasible if the enemy could do this, but I was still alive, so the enemy did not want me dead, at least immediately. Communicate, find out more about what is happening. Was this the work of the higher powers whose existence I had theorized?
The animorphs backed away. One of the children spoke to the man behind the glass. "You want us to fight him?"
"YeeeeEEEAAaaahh!" The man behind the glass replied. "Morph fight! To the death! Everyone versus Visser Three! Oh, and to make things more interesting, morphing now takes five seconds instead of two minutes! Fight! Fight! Fight! *burrrp* Fight! Fight! Fight!"
Communicate make a deal with the Animorphs turn them against the man behind the glass offer them something
‹Animorphs,›, I broadcast to the seven in the arena, ‹Listen to me, this man is our mutual enemy- ›
The human girl morphed into a giant monster.
Rachel: [In T-Rex morph.] ‹Oh look, this morph still works. I don't know about you guys, but seven against one? These are the best odds we've ever had. Let's kill the bastard.›
Marco: [Morphs into a howler and turns to Jake] ‹I agree with Rachel. We've never been in a position this good. Your orders, fearless leader?›
Esplin: ‹Animorphs, please! Do not give him what he wants. We must cast aside our differences for our immediate survival! We must work together against the power that has brought us here! As a reward for your cooperation here today I offer you peace and safety - ›
Garrett: ‹AIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE› [Attacks the Visser with weaponized thought-speak, silencing him]
Jake: [Morphs into a T-Rex] ‹Let's kick his ass.›
Visser Three morphs in a giant, armored, tentacled monster filling half the arena.
Marco: ‹Oh.›
Rachel: ‹It's seven against one. We can still win this.›
Ax: [Morphs into a giant clawed monster half the size of the Visser's] ‹I'm not sure we can kill him in this form, but I think we can wear him down until he is forced to demorph.›
Morty: Hey guys, I'll be your backup, but right now I'm gonna go deal with Rick.
Jake: ‹Fine - see if you can convince him to end this right now. I think the six of us can hold him off. Tobias, Garrett - I have a special mission for the two of you. Everyone else - attack!›
Rachel, Marco, Jake, and Ax attack the Visser as a T-Rex, Howler, T-Rex, and Giant Whatchamucallit respectively. Tentacles rain down from all sides as the Animorphs begin biting, slashing, and ripping them apart. Meanwhile, Tobias and Garrett slink back into a corner on Jake's secret mission. Morty tries to get Rick's attention through the window.
Morty: [Waving] Riiiiick! Hey Riiiick!
Rick: [Very drunk] Yyyy-ye-yah gotta commit to the narrative, Morty! Gotta, gotta *braahp* finish the mission -
Morty: [Waving the alcohol he got on the Iskoort homework] Look what I brought!
Rick: Awwww yeaaahh, Morty! Bringin' the party! [Snaps his fingers, teleporting Morty into the room with him.]
Morty: Yeah, Rick! This is for you! The drunker you are, the more fun this will be. Drink up! [Thrusts the bottle into Rick's hand]
Rick: [Takes a long swig] Hellll yeah, alcohol!
The two look out at the chaotic fighting in the arena. Jake, Ax, Rachel, and Marco fight in a rotating pattern, three taking on the Visser while one rests in a corner, demorphing and remorphing to heal wounds. Tobias is a red-tailed hawk perched on one of the the ceiling trusses, holding Garrett, who is a blob of something.
Jake: ‹Ax! Cover Rachel as she demorphs! Marco, get in T-Rex morph! Tobias, Garrett, remember, the instant he demorphs...›
A tentacle thuds against the window as the Visser tries, futilely, to break the glass between the arena and Rick. Morty turns to Rick.
Morty: C'mon, Rick! What are you, a lightweight? Have another swig!
Rick: [Having trouble sitting up, speech incredibly slurred] Thhattss what I'm ta-talkin' about, MmortY! Wwwhen'dyou learn how ta party? [Takes a shot]
The fighting continues. Tobias and Garrett lie in wait on the ceiling. The others continue tearing away at the tentacles assaulting them.
Jake: ‹We're not making much progress! He's got too many tentacles, and they don't bleed out when slashed. We need to hurt him more seriously.›
Marco: ‹We need a new tactic, let me just - RACHEL DEMORPH DEMORPH NOW› [A T-Rex gushing blood through the hole where its viscera used to be, from the tear the Visser has just slashed in its aorta, flops back behind Marco and quickly demorphs] ‹Wait, this is perfect - Rachel, this may sound a little crazy, but when you re-morph here's what you need to do- ›
Morty: Hey Rick, let's play a drinking game. Every time someone gets wounded, you take a drink!
Rick: I, I, uh, ddddoon't, don't know, Mmmortyyy, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm kind offf tiirrred -
Morty: Weak
Rick: Nnnnoo one ccallssss meee weeeak! [Takes a drink]
Rachel morphs into a fly and zips toward the Visser, dodging the tentacles with ease. She flies directly into one of his wounds. About ten seconds later, the Visser swells, and a T-Rex bursts out of his chest.
Rick takes a huge swig of alcohol and falls over, passing out.
Jake: ‹Nicely done, Rachel!›
Ax: ‹You have wounded him significantly. He will be forced to demorph soon.›
Jake: ‹Tobias, Garrett, get ready...›
Esplin
It was over. There was no way I could win. Alloran's laughter rang through our shared skull. Tactical mistake, Esplin. Morphing large committed you to the fight, which was as good as lost. You should have morphed small, agile, kept dodging while having time to re-plan. Not that any of it would have mattered in the end. But the weight of my potentially fatal error still crushed down upon me, so I slashed at the tendons of Alloran's wit in frustration, silencing him. Then with every ounce of remaining strength I pushed away my attackers and launched myself as far away as I could. Ten seconds all I needed was ten seconds... I began demorphing as soon as I launched myself back, and five seconds later I was in my Andalite body on the ground, and they were too far away to run up to me before I -
I felt a thump on by back followed by a sharp prick in the neck. Almost instantly I was paralyzed, unable to move my body, mind growing cloudy. What-
Poison. So even if I managed to remorph, I would simply die the next time I demorphed. Clever.
‹Blue-ringed octopus.› The voice of one of the human children sounded in my head. ‹Deadliest poison on earth. You have seconds to live. Any last words, Visser?›
I collapsed on the ground. The fog intensified and the world retreated from my senses. ‹Congratulations,› I said, ‹on your victory.›
My last thought was: perhaps that will distract them from the fail-safe.
And then I died.
The Animorphs gather around Esplin's body. Tobias demorphs from his hawk form, while Garrett demorphs from the blue-ringed octopus form that Tobias was carrying. Ax approaches, demorphing from his giant monster form.
Jake: Well, we won.
Rachel: [Still a T-Rex] I'm gonna eat him. Just in case.
Rachel devours Visser Three's body. Then she demorphs.
Rachel: I am extremely satisfied right now.
Marco: Welp, that's one big obstacle out of the way.
Tobias: Now we just have to deal with Rick-
The glass window explodes outward with flash and a bang. The animorphs turn around and see Morty, standing in the now open alcove above, holding a strange-looking weapon.
Morty: C'mon guys! Get up here! Rick is unconscious.
After morphing into birds, flying up, and demorphing, the animorphs are all standing around unconscious form of Rick, who is passed-out drunk and snoring. Morty is holding Rick's portal gun, which doubles as a weapon.
Morty: I'm sick of Rick pushing me... uh, us... around. Today the tables turn. We have a new morph, the most powerful in the universe. Rick Sanchez.
Morty touches Rick and acquires him. The rest of the Animorphs follow suit. Soon, there are seven Ricks standing around.
Morty: Now, definitely avoid turning on his consciousness. I have no idea what will happen if he wakes up as a morph. But even without him awake, I should be able to at least... ah, yes, here it is - I can now target the portal gun like Rick.
Morty shoots the portal gun and creates a glowing green portal. He shoves Rick's unconscious body through. The portal closes.
Morty: I've just sent Rick to the stasis dimension. We can retrieve him later. Now, I need to go home and get something, just a moment -
Morty attempts to target the portal gun to his home. But something is wrong.
Morty: It's... it's not working. Every time I try my home universe, I just get an impression of "null," like there's no target matching the query... let's try the Council of Ricks ... also null... but the stasis dimension worked? What's going on? I should be able to target any universe I can think of.
Marco: Also, does anyone else think Visser Three went out just a little too quietly? Like, I at least expected him to flail around until the last second, poisoned as he was. "Congrats on the victory?" No. Call me paranoid, but he was up to something...
And then the wall of the arena explodes. A shock wave knocks the Animorphs back, and a strong wind pulls them toward the gaping starry black hole in the space station that they've been in the whole time. Outside floats the Blade ship.
Jake: [In Rick-morph, holding on to the edge of the arena with the others as the suction threatens to drag them into space.] Ahhhhhhhhh! How?!?
Marco: Morty! Get us out of here!
Morty: [Holding on with one hand and frantically trying to shoot the portal gun with the other] Ahhhhh! I can't! Every place I think of comes up blank!
Force fields surround the Animorphs, and they are levitated toward the ship. Morty suddenly demorphs against his will. A Presence fills his head, and the universe opens before him.
THE NAME OF GOD IS... RICK SANCHEZ? FASCINATING.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
THIS IS THE END FOR YOU.
A tentacle-like metal cable extends from the ship and clasps onto one of the Animorph-Ricks who has not been forcefully demorphed.
The terrible future swells and fills Morty's mind like an egg filling a trachea, choking him, pressing against the boundaries of his convulsing expectations...
THIS IS THE END FOR YOU.
...and he sees the smoking, ruined multiverse in the wake of the Visser's desolation...
NO.
Morty, gasping, flicks his thumb, shifting the portal gun to weapon mode, and then twists his wrist to aim at the Blade ship while squeezing the trigger. An explosion rocks the ship, and the force-fields drop. The Animorphs fall to the floor of the space station and begin rolling towards the sucking vacuum of space. Morty rakes the fingers of his left hand on the floor, slowing his slide, as he fires again, severing the cable, allowing the caught Animorph-Rick to wriggle free of the grip. Flipping the portal gun back to portal mode, Morty targets the first image that flits through his mind and squeezes the trigger, which... works! A portal appears in the gaping hole of the space station, covering some of the blackness and lessening the suction.
"EVERYONE THROUGH THE PORTAL! NOW!"
The Animorphs scramble to their feet and dive through the green interface.